


How Can I Get Back to You

by Thebiphysician



Series: How Can I Get Back to You [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alpha Clarke Griffin, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Brotp, Clarke Griffin Has a Penis, Clarke and Bellamy are bros, Clexa babies, Emotional Roller Coaster, F/F, Fluff and Smut, G!P, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Not for the faint of heart, Omega Lexa, Omega Lexa (The 100), Smut, Sorry Not Sorry, Unplanned Pregnancy, blast from the past
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:34:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 47
Words: 233,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22881838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thebiphysician/pseuds/Thebiphysician
Summary: "Clarke knew that Lexa was an omega, that she was trying to hide it, and Clarke, some stranger she had never met before was standing in her way... Somewhere in the back of her brain, Clarke knew that she had to pull this alliance off not just for her people, but also because for what felt like the first time, being enveloped in this glorious scent, Clarke was truly comfortable in her own skin. She knew that against all odds, she was going to make this wild omega hers.""She hated to admit it, but from the moment she saw her, she knew Clarke was going to be a problem. After seven years of hiding her true nature from everyone but a select few that she could count on one hand, deep down, she knew that Clarke might just be the person to get her caught. "Lexa is an Omega. Lexa has been lying to everyone except a select few since she was 12 years old about her presentation as no Omega is allowed to enter the Conclave, regardless of the color of their blood. But what happens when a strong, powerful alpha who fell from the sky figures out her secret? What risks will she be willing to take when she realizes she has developed feelings for this Skaialpha?
Relationships: Abby Griffin/Marcus Kane, Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Series: How Can I Get Back to You [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644328
Comments: 1106
Kudos: 2188





	1. The Secret

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic! A couple of things about this world which for all intents and purposes is very similar to Canon (at least at first):  
> General Setting Changes/Rules of the fic:  
> • It has been closer to 300 years since the original bombings (97 yrs is just not enough time for all of the mythology to have developed, I don’t know why they decided to change that on the show)  
> • Also instead of all of the events that happened in season 2 from Long into the Abyss to the finale happening over 9 days, I am going to assume that it happened over about ten weeks  
> • A/B/O Rules:  
> 1) Omegas have four heats a year, alphas have four ruts  
> 2) Heats last anywhere from 4-7 days  
> 3) Pregnancy can happen at any time, however, when one or both in an A/O pairing is in rut or heat, the chances of pregnancy are astronomically higher  
> 4) Female Alphas have retractable sex organs  
> 5) Betas can send out soothing hormones, but do not have the sense of smell that A/O have  
> Also, I understand why many The 100 A/B/O have Alpha Lexa/Omega Clarke, but I always find their dynamic together fascinating when it's the reverse. Plus, I guess I have been looking for a long drawn out Alpha Clarke/Omega Lexa Cannon fic for some time now that really hooked into my imagination. I am sure I will lay out some more specifics with how the A/B/O stuff works in this fic as I go along if it's not explicitly within the text of the chapter. I know that I have checked off "Major Character Death" in the archive warnings but please be assured that neither Clarke nor Lexa will be the character that dies.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sent on a mission in part of her own making, and also because her mother didn't really have too many other options, Clarke attempts to form an alliance with the alpha leader of the Grounders, Commander Lexa.

**Clarke**

The walk from Camp Jaha to the Commander’s tent was not as far as Clarke had anticipated. Once her mother had given her the go-ahead to broker a deal with the Commander, Clarke knew her first challenge was to get close enough to the ring of grounders surrounding Camp Jaha without getting a knife in the chest as soon as she left the gates. So as she left Camp Jaha, she raised both of her hands in the air and tried to keep her pheromones as neutral as possible. She knew that even if she kept herself under control, after the alpha pissing contest she had just watched between Jaha and her mother, she probably smelled ripe. This was yet again, another instance when Clarke was envious of betas. They might have to submit from time to time, but they didn’t have to smell everything quite so strongly, and they certainly were not nearly as impaired when someone was in heat or rut.

That thought triggered a memory that shot a shiver down her spine. While the Ark had made sure all of the hundred had been stuffed to the gills with birth control, they didn’t bother giving them any heat or rut suppressants. The supply was already running low on the Ark, and given that there was a great chance that they were going to die immediately after opening the dropship’s doors anyway, the Council felt it wasn’t worth the drain on resources. Naturally, Octavia, an omega, went into heat within the first few days of reaching the ground. It was terrible. Clarke noticed her naturally sweet smell, typical of omegas on any given day, upon meeting her as all of the other alphas did, but she was not exactly fond of the girl at that time, and she had no plans of trying to woo her. But the morning that Octavia woke up oozing a smell so sweet, like her body was covered in honey, waiting to be licked off, Clarke knew that they were all in trouble.

Bellamy had her locked in the dropship, trying in vain, to guard the door. The only reason that he had been able to prevent anyone, including Clarke herself, from claiming Octavia, was due to an obscure blood ritual that Clarke had read about for a report she once had to give on social behaviors of people before the bombs. Before there were heat and rut suppressants, when two people who did not want to mate but could not avoid each other, they would form a blood bond. People would exchange blood with one another during one of their heats or ruts, making them immune to each other’s scents. Similarly to how Bellamy did not react to his sister’s heat even though he was an alpha. The biggest challenge was getting the two to exchange blood before they breathed in too much of each other. When Clarke had proposed it, Bellamy was so desperate he practically dragged Clarke up the stairs of the dropship himself. All Clarke remembered of the first few moments in that room was intense desire, a physical need, to be inside of Octavia. Bellamy told her later that he almost had to knock her out to keep her away.

But the moment Clarke’s hand, weeping blood from the shallow wound Bellamy had made, touched Octavia’s similarly weeping hand, it all went away. All of the desire and longing. Her hard-on was magically gone like it never happened. And in its place, an incredible need to protect her had replaced it. She just made eye contact with Bellamy for one tense moment before going down the ladder. With no one guarding the entrance to the dropship, all of the alphas and some of the bolder betas had congregated inside the ship, salivating and waiting in case Clarke failed to claim the omega in heat upstairs. Clarke wasted no time before she forced them all to submit. Clarke couldn’t help but smirk thinking about that part of the memory. Yes, she was the most powerful alpha of their generation, she knew it, they knew it, and despite all of Bellamy’s initial blustering, he knew it too. They didn’t have any problems understanding each other after that.

But now, Clarke was reaching the grounders closest to Camp Jaha. She tried her best to be non-threatening as she yelled, “My name is Clarke, I represent the people from Camp Jaha, and I need to speak with the Commander.” 

Immediately, a ring of warriors surrounded her, spears all pointed at various places along her chest and abdomen. A beta man who did not make up a part of the ring came forward. He was of average build, probably about six feet tall, typical from what she saw of most men on the ground, taller than many of the men she knew from the Ark. The man had a beard and a braid going down his back. He hid his face behind one of the strange masks that many of the grounders, whom she learned called themselves _Trikru_ , wore. The man, likely chosen to speak with Clarke for his English skills, spoke.

“What is your business with the Commander, _Klark kom Skaikru_ ”

Skaikru, _that must be what they called the people of the Ark_ , Clarke thought to herself. She realized quickly that she had to come up with an answer that would be acceptable to gain an audience with the Commander. Grasping, she responded.

“I have terms for surrender, that the Commander will want to hear.”

“And why would she need to hear terms from you, when it would be easy to wipe you out?”

“The information I have for her is for her ears alone. Unless you think yourself superior enough to judge what the Commander will find important.”

That last statement was a risk, one Clarke knew could easily backfire on her. But as she saw the man consider her, likely trying to ferret out her presentation, she knew she made the right choice. He then took a half step backward, and before turning around, said, “Wait here.” _As if I could go anywhere_ , Clarke thought to herself, still surrounded by warriors.

Clarke then spent the next couple of minutes thinking about what she should say to the Commander. During the argument that Jaha had with her mom, Jaha described trying to get the Commander to submit to him. From his tone of voice, it apparently did not go well. But what surprised her the most about Jaha’s story was when the Commander had revealed herself to Kane and Jaha, all of her warriors had submitted to her, without her ever having to release any dominance pheromones. For someone like Jaha, who, through sheer force of will, had shown himself to be an extremely powerful alpha, such a move was inconceivable.

Just as Clarke had rolled her eyes at the memory, the beta man came back and said something in _Trigedasleng_ to the warriors surrounding her. Whatever it was, they all stood down and let her walk forward to the tent that was the largest and most heavily guarded against the outside.

Immediately standing in front of the tent was the largest man that Clarke had ever seen. Broad-shouldered and thick-necked, this beta was huge. Like most male grounders she had seen, he had a long beard and tattoos on his face. His hair was shaved on either side, the hair on the top of his head in intricate braids. Clarke had to admit what he lacked in pheromones he certainly made up for in physical stature. He regarded her with hostility, his lips a thin line, and his dark eyes intense as he stared her down.

“If you so much as look at her the wrong way, I will slit your throat.”

Clarke had to forcibly prevent herself from making an audible sound as she gulped. She watched him walk back toward the entrance of the tent before he motioned her forward into it ahead of him. After Clarke remembered how to use her own legs, she braced herself for the inevitable pheromone pissing contest she knew was likely to happen. While Clarke had eventually grown into being an alpha and learned to accept it, she had never been completely comfortable in her own skin. Up until her presentation, everyone, including her teachers and her mom, had told her that she was likely going to be an omega. At the time, people said it was because she was a good listener, that she was not outwardly aggressive, that even at twelve, she had a curvier figure than most alphas and even female betas do at maturity.

The day that Clarke entered her first rut, she could not help but feel a sense of grief for a life that she would never have. To make matters worse, she did not just present as an alpha, like her mother, she was an incredibly strong alpha, and with her pedigree, she watched people go from encouraging her to care for others to being encouraged to lead them. But Clarke never understood why she could not have led them if she was an omega. There were no laws against it. She knew omegas who were doctors, like Dr. Jackson, and engineers, like her father, people who she looked up to. But when it came to the Council, the representatives of each of the major factions on the Ark, the people sent their alphas to stake a claim on what they perceived to be theirs.

When she had first presented, she rarely took pleasure in flashing her alpha status at people. It remained at part of herself that she could not fully comprehend. Eventually, she came to understand that what made her uncomfortable with her presentation was not the mere ability to get people to submit to her will; it was the fact that it was easy.

When Clarke entered the tent, she quickly noticed that like the mountain of a man that lead her in, all of the Commander’s guards were betas. As soon as the tent flap was brought back down, her attention was immediately drawn to a powerful alpha’s pheromones swimming around her. It had undertones of pine, and earth, and fresh rain. But like all alpha scents, there was a sour musk to it that Clarke had to focus to keep her own nostrils from flaring when she took it in. She did note that while someone was definitely broadcasting their scent, as a way of announcing their presence, there were not any dominance notes being pushed out. In fact, the only emotion clinging to it screamed more of curiosity than hostility. The tall beta guard that lead her into the tent stood next to Clarke, about half a stride too close. 

After her initial sweep of the Commander’s guards, Clarke thought that the Commander, who had been announced to her as being called, _Heda Leksa kom Trikru_ , might have a complex. Perhaps this mighty Commander could not handle being in the room with another powerful alpha that she had to Command. Clarke resisted the urge to smirk at this thought. It was only after she had settled into the tent and its different smells that Clarke was able to tease out the players in the room. Her initial assumption that she was one of only two alphas in this discussion was false. Standing on the Commander’s left was a fearsome looking beta woman, with a tattoo on her forehead and the scars of someone weathered in battle. But on the Commander’s right was a male alpha, who immediately stopped Clarke in her tracks.

As Clarke assessed the man, she noticed a couple of things about both him and the Commander. First, they both smelled the same. From the undertones to the musk, it was eerily similar. While the smell was what first grabbed Clarke's attention, when she regarded him closer, she realized that he had the most striking grey-green eyes. His warpaint started at the eyes but went down and out, like angel wings, emphasizing his already impressive jawline and rectangular face. Even standing almost completely still, he had a certain poise about him that made him seem regal, like a large cat, he was muscular but lithe and at least six feet tall. If Clarke did not already know that the Commander was a woman, and if there was no one sitting in the throne before her, she could have just as easily assumed that this man was the person she had come to talk to.

Clarke realized that she was staring when she saw the alpha guard take a half stride forward. _Focus Clarke_ , she thought to herself, only then making eye contact with the Commander. And that was when all thoughts of the guard evaporated. Clarke's mouth dried completely. She knew right away that Lexa was not like any alpha that Clarke had ever met before. Clarke knew from a young age that she liked both boys and girls. Although sexuality always got complicated once a pup presented. She still found many alphas attractive that she thought were cute before she presented. Bellamy, for instance, was an attractive man. But would she lust after him? Want to have sex with him? The answer to that was a resounding _NO._ Their pheromones would not allow it. So much of how one perceived a potential mate was intrinsically tied to how they smelled.

But something about the way this alpha's eyes blazed and seemed to see right through her, made Clarke's clit twitch in a way that Clarke had never experienced before. She felt certain that the Commander and her guard were undoubtedly related. They had matching grey-green eyes and striking jawlines. Although, while his face had more of a rectangular shape, hers was oval. The Commander began stroking a dagger, holding the grip in her right hand as her left hand engaged the tip. Her fingers sinfully caressed the blade, forcing Clarke to bite her tongue to keep a certain appendage from extending itself. Lexa did not give her time to contemplate this, bringing her out of the reverie.

“You’re the one who burned three hundred of my warriors alive.” 

Her bone-chilling gaze returned to Clarke as she awaited a response.

“You’re the one who sent them there to kill us.”

Lexa then put her dagger entirely in her right hand, its tip digging into the arm of her throne. Clarke watched as Lexa was studying her. She knew she got the Commander’s attention. She just needed to keep it long enough to plead her case. 

"Do you have an answer for me, Clarke of the Sky people?”

Clarke swallowed hard, trying to quell any initial attraction she had to this alpha. _Well, here goes nothing._

“I’ve come to make you an offer.”

“This is not a negotiation.”

Lexa’s beta guard on her left said something in _Trigedasleng_ that Clarke did not understand. Before the guard could presumably finish her sentence, Lexa raised her hand, and she was effectively silenced. When Clarke detected no spike in dominance pheromones, she realized that this might not become the alpha pissing contest that she had initially expected. With Lexa’s attention, she made her pitch.

“I can help you beat the mountain men.”

Now she really piqued the Commander’s interest. She began stroking her dagger again.

“Go on.”

“Hundreds of your people are trapped inside Mount Weather, kept in cages. Their blood is used as medicine.”

Lexa’s eyes narrowed a fraction as she responded, “how do you know this?”

“Because I saw them. My people are prisoners there too. I was one of them–”

“–Lies,” the beta guard on Lexa’s left interrupted, “no one escapes the Mountain.”

“I did. With Anya. We fought our way out, together.”

“Another lie. Anya died in the fire, you killed her.”

Realizing that she wasn’t going to get anywhere without proof, Clarke reached into her jacket pocket. But Clarke regretted her decision to do that immediately as everyone in the room seemed to inhale a huge breath. Slowly, Clarke pulled the braid out of her pocket. The reaction she saw play out on Lexa’s face confirmed to Clarke that her initial instincts were right.

“She told me you were her second,” Clarke said, taking one step forward and eyeing all of the guards in the room, making sure they could all clearly see her hands, before saying, “I’m sure she would want you to have this.”

The tall male beta that had originally led her into the tent stared at Anya’s braid, his eyebrows raised. Clarke was not sure what to expect from the grounders in the tent as she handed over Anya’s braid, but she did not anticipate that they would be stunned. When Clarke walked as close to the throne as she would dare, she reached her hand out to give Lexa the braid. The tips of her fingers momentarily touched the tips of Lexa’s, and she fought the urge to whip her hand away. It was like Clarke had reached into a control panel on the Ark and shocked herself. But as fast as their contact had started, it ended just as fast, with Lexa holding the braid and Clarke slowly walking backward.

For a fraction of a second, Lexa looked at her with shock, curiosity, and then nothing, returning her face to stoic neutral as she stared down at the braid. The beta woman on Lexa’s left was the first to speak,

“We don’t know it’s hers.”

Lexa then responded with something that sounded like telling her to shut up, calling her Indra. She then stared back down at the hair, before turning her attention back to Clarke.

“Anya was my mentor before I was called to lead my people,” she paused, handing the braid to the guard on her right. He brought it up to his nose to smell, then gave the slightest of nods before handing it back to her. Lexa placed the braid on the arm of her throne and with her head still turned towards the braid, she asked,

“Did she die well?”

Clarke knew what she meant by the question. The image of Anya's body lifeless on the ground just after they had finally earned each other's respect flashed through her mind. Instead of coming to this meeting under the guise of false hope, a prayer that her mother could save Lincoln, Anya could have been standing next to her, corroborating everything. A part of Clarke burned with shame at her people's fear, even now in the lion's den. The consequence of that fear meant more shame. For this alliance to work, she had to lie. Clarke mustered her best poker face, hoping that her smell would not expose any nerves, and she boldly said, 

“Yes, by my side”, Lexa turned her head forward, making eye contact once again with Clarke, “trying to get a message to you.”

“What message?”

Knowing that she now had the Commander’s full attention, Clarke took her shot, “the only way to save both our people is if we join together.”

Indra piped up, “those who are about to die will say anything.”

“I’m still waiting for an offer Klark”, Lexa said. 

The way she said her name made Clarke’s skin prickle on the back of her neck and heat to pool low in her abdomen. Pushing those thoughts from her mind, she took a deep breath before diving into her proposal. 

“The Mountain Men are turning your people into reapers. I can turn them back.”

“Impossible”, Indra said, anger pheromones swirling around her. She switched to _Trigedasleng_ , forcing Clarke to press on without proper context.

“I’ve done it, with Lincoln.”

At the mention of her former scout, Indra got up into Clarke’s space and seethed out, 

“That traitor is the reason,” the Commander barked at Indra to stand down, but she ignored the order, choosing to advance on Clarke and to continue, “why my village was slaughtered by your people.”

“ _Em pleni!”_ Lexa yelled out. 

Clarke was not sure what it meant, but a wave of dominance pheromones flooded the tent, and Indra walked past Clarke, turning back to face the Commander, neck exposed in submission. Clarke was relieved that she had walked away from the challenge. Had she remained in her face any longer, Clarke likely would not have been able to stop herself from releasing her own dominance pheromones.

As Indra walked away, the Commander herself stood up, and to Clarke’s surprise, the alpha guard on her right moved forward with her. As the room saturated with the Commander’s scent, Clarke had to admit the alpha was powerful. It certainly made every beta in the room kneel and expose their necks in submission. Even the alpha guard, after following Lexa for a few strides, fell to the ground on his knees. 

Clarke just stood there, not releasing any pheromones, but not kneeling. The only audible sounds were coming from outside of the tent as everyone inside was holding their collective breaths while the Commander stared down Clarke for what felt like a moment and a half too long. Then the pheromones ceased, and Lexa motioned for everyone to rise.

All of a sudden, Lexa walked towards Clarke until there are only a few inches between them. This close, Clarke once again could not help but notice just how wild and beautiful Lexa was. Her thoughts about the possible war with grounders, her mother, the pressures of having to lead people who did not always seem to be thankful for it, everything, all seemed so far away as she stared into the grey-green eyes of the woman who stood before her. Her warpaint emphasized her already perfect high cheekbones. Her nose was long and thin, giving her an aristocratic look like all of the people in paintings from the old world she had to learn about from tablets on the Ark. Her lips were plump and the perfect shade of rose. On appearances alone, they looked so soft, such direct contrast to the alpha's ferocity. Clarke began to wonder just what it would feel like to suck on them. The thing that brought Clarke back to the present was realizing that Lexa’s lips had begun to move.

“You say you can turn reapers into men?”

There was a tense pause. The air remained thick with pheromones. When Clarke remembered how to breathe, she took a small one, before looking Lexa straight in the eyes, something only an extremely powerful alpha should be able to do, and said,

“Yes.”

Lexa, visibly irritated by Clarke’s own ware withal to withstand her display, spat out, “Then prove it. Show me Lincoln.”

Clarke had not realized that she had been releasing arousal pheromones until just then. It was not until Lexa had turned her head around to talk the large beta man, whom Lexa referred to as Gustus, that she was aware that the Commander herself was releasing arousal pheromones in response. That’s when Clarke smelled it. Amidst the pine, earthy soil, and fresh rain was the unmistakable scent of honeysuckle. She could still smell the alpha musk on her from before, but in comparison to the fresh smell that had bubbled up to the surface of her skin, the musk was stale, like it did not belong to her. Clarke had to admit she had never met an alpha or omega who had so much control over their own scent before, made worse by Clarke’s own strong scent. If Lexa had remained sitting on her throne, Clarke might never have noticed. But Clarke, however unintentionally, got too close.

When Clarke's breath hitched, Lexa whipped her head back around to face her, and the number of emotions that raced across her face would have made Clarke’s head spin if she wasn’t so taken by the smell. At first, she saw what could only be described as shock, then fear, then anger, followed by hostility. Lexa squared her shoulders before returning her face to what could only be described as stoic acceptance. What that meant for her own fate, remained to be seen, but from the way that Lexa looked at her only a few moments before, Clarke realized that not everyone in the room with her was privy to the knowledge that she had discovered about the Commander. If anything, having this knowledge changed the balance of power in their fledgling relationship. Yet, instead of trying to draw attention to it, Clarke knew instinctively that she would not ever reveal the Commander’s secret.

She knew with certainty that Lexa was an omega, that she was trying to hide it, and Clarke, some stranger she had never met before, was standing in her way. All Clarke could do was release a small wave of protective pheromones, not enough to fill the room, just enough for Lexa to smell, to convey that she did not need to worry. When Lexa closed her eyes just a moment longer than necessary, Clarke knew she understood. Somewhere in the back of her brain, Clarke knew that she had to pull this alliance off not just for her people, but also because for what felt like the first time, being enveloped in this glorious scent, Clarke was truly comfortable in her own skin. She knew that against all odds, she was going to make this wild omega hers.


	2. The Damned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We hear a little of Lexa's perspective, a certain primate shows up.

**Chapter 2: Lexa**

It had been four weeks since Lexa met the _Skaialpha_. Clarke. She hated to admit it, but from the moment she saw her, she knew Clarke was going to be a problem. After seven years of hiding her true nature from everyone but a select few that she could count on one hand, deep down, she knew that Clarke might just be the person to get her caught. Lexa smiled to herself when she thought back to the first time she saw to Clarke; she knew she was an alpha the second she strutted into the tent, right in front of her throne. She could also sense that like her, the alpha had incredible control over her own pheromones. During that first meeting, she never smelled a hint of dominance in Clarke’s pheromones. But she knew it was there, almost like a shadow, giving Lexa an outline of what was possible, but not a clear view of what the alpha was capable of. From what she gleaned from Clarke’s base scent, Clarke smelled like saltwater, sunshine, and a metallic smell that she could not quite place, all three interwoven with a musk that made her mouth water just thinking about it. Lexa remembered having to forcibly stop herself from licking her lips as she stood only a foot away from her. But with her concentration spread thin, she did not realize until it was too late, that Clarke could smell her too. Clarke could smell _her_ , the real her, and if that was not enough to scare her longer than a few seconds, the thought that it excited her and made her pulse drop deep into her abdomen should have. But it didn’t.

“ _What are you smiling about?”_ Ezra asked in their native tongue.

“ _Ai dula op nou get in chit yu ste chichplei hashta._ ” (I do not know what you are talking about), Lexa playfully deflected back to him before schooling her features.

Ezra, both her brother and personal guard, was sitting at the dining table in her quarters partitioned away from the main area of her tent that contained her throne. Lexa sat beside him in an adjacent chair. She had been fooling with one of her braids before he had interrupted her thoughts. She brought her hands back down to her lap underneath the table. Ezra was one of the very few people Lexa allowed to see her for herself. That inconveniently meant that he knew her better than anyone and could tell when she was avoiding his questions. Ezra was known for, amongst other things, his willingness to speak frankly, sometimes when he shouldn't. Lucky for him, he had the privilege of being her brother and was less likely to be killed for insolence than his words might call for. As long as they were alone, Lexa knew that no title would prevent him from telling her what anyone else would be too scared to say. And especially after Gustus had died, she needed his input and his thoughts more than ever.

Lexa recalled the tense start she had with Clarke, when she saw Lincoln’s lifeless body on the floor, catching her in a lie. Lexa didn't just feel like Clarke manipulated her into falling for her trap. She still wasn't entirely sure what Clarke was willing to do with the knowledge that could potentially destroy the Coalition.

In the three hundred years since _Praimfaya_ , Lexa was only the second omega ever to become _Heda_. And she had to lie to get there. She lied to Titus at first, she lied to her fellow _natblidas,_ most now dead, _Keryon_ protect them, and she lied to her people every day to continue doing the work that she knew in her bones she was meant to do. She looked back at her older brother, the only alpha she ever loved, perhaps beside Anya, and felt ashamed. Ezra had the mind of general. But he was more than that. He had a keen understanding of people and their behavior. He knew how to get a rise out of them without ever conveying more of himself than he needed to. He could be a dangerous opponent, and if anything, Lexa kept him close for his mind as well as his scent. Still, she knew his heart had always been elsewhere, exploring the lands of the _Kongeda_ (the Coalition) and getting to know the people. _If he was not so busy masquerading as my guard and sleeping with my jackets against his chest at night for me to wear the next day, maybe he could have been able to become what he was born to be._ Lexa thought to herself. 

Ezra brought her out of her musings, “are we going to talk about how you handled that strategy meeting earlier today?"

He trained his grey-green eyes lazily on his sister. His expression remained neutral, but like always, a smirk was threatening to show itself if he was not careful. 

“I had everything under control.”

“Right.”

“Ezra.”

“Lexa.”

Lexa sighed; she knew exactly what he was talking about. Lexa was caught in the middle of a standoff between Clarke and one of her field generals, Quint. It was tense in that room. Clarke had repeatedly shot down idea after idea, all while going back to relying on Bellamy, one man, whom no one in the room knew well enough to trust to get the job done. The entire room seemed to hold its breath when Clarke faced him directly and said, “I’m sorry, have I done something to offend you?”

Which lead to Quint focusing all of his energy on Clarke. He began pumping out alpha pheromones all over the small space. Almost everyone in the room, aside from Lexa, Ezra, and Clarke was a beta, so naturally, all ended up on their knees. Lexa made eye contact with Clarke, who had raised her eyebrows as if she was surprised that Lexa was not on her knees. If there was ever a time that Lexa had been thankful the flame gave her the ability to resist alpha pheromones that unwillingly put her on her knees, it was right then. She then watched Clarke look back at Quint, almost bored, as if to say, _you are going to have to do better than that._

But Quint responded to her earlier question, “Yes. You burned my brother alive in a ring of fire.”

A flicker of guilt washed over Clarke’s face, but it was gone so quickly that Lexa was sure that no one else had noticed. That’s when Clarke started to walk towards Quint, only this time, it was her turn to release alpha pheromones.

Quint's knees hit the ground with a loud thud. She even felt her brother behind her get on his knees. But the wave of arousal that passed through her body made it hard for her to think straight. For the first time since ascending to _Heda_ , Lexa had felt her knees wobble. They likely would have buckled had she not had the table to lean on for support. With Quint kneeling in front of her, Clarke pulled back her lips, baring her teeth, and emitting a low growl before she finally said, 

“He shouldn’t have attacked my ship.”

Lexa had to bite her lower lip to hold back a gasp. If Lexa was being honest with herself, she typically was not all that into alphas. Maybe it was just how much effort it took for her to emulate one daily that made her so tired of all of their displays, pissing contests, and posturing. Most of them just smelled sour, or like the time she went fishing with Anya but forgot to salt the fish to preserve them for later. Costia was a beta, whose neutral scent took on notes of the sweets of her _nomon’s_ bakery in Polis. During their relationship, she never felt like she was missing something that could be had with an alpha. But here she was, staring at this strange alpha that fell from the sky, sporting callous-free hands. Clarke likely had never been in a physical fight with anyone, let alone win one. But Clarke had just taken down one of the strongest alphas in _Trikru_ , all while not breaking a sweat. From her previous experiences with Clarke, she had been close enough to smell her underlying scent, stripped of all of the alpha dominance, and that itself made her small clothes drip uncomfortably. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew she would freak out later about the effect Clarke was having on her, but at the moment, all she could think about was what spending her heat with an alpha as strong as Clarke could be like. And how underneath all of her tireless efforts to maintain control of herself, her deepest, most heavily guarded desires involved ceding control if only for a moment… 

Lexa watched Clarke’s reaction before she even realized that her musings were beginning to manifest themselves in her scent. Clarke had been facing away from her as she responded to Quint’s display when she tilted her head over her shoulder. Not to look directly back at Lexa, for that would have been too obvious, and if there was one thing that Clarke had made clear if not through her words, then her actions, Clarke knew that her status was a secret. But from what Lexa could see of Clarke’s face, she knew she was not keeping her private thoughts to herself. Clarke’s eyebrows were furrowed, as though she was concentrating, not because it was hard to keep Quint on his knees but because she was fighting a distraction. Her growl stopped, just as her eyes dilated, lips brought back over her teeth, and lustful notes began to creep into her smell.

_ Skrish  _ (Shit). Lexa needed to get out of there, or at least get Clarke out of there. So she forced herself to face Clarke more directly and said,

“Quint’s right. Waiting for Bellamy isn’t a plan, it’s a prayer. One that’s likely not to be answered.”

All at once, the alpha pheromones had ceased. And Clarke turned to the door as she said, “Excuse me, I need some air.”

As soon as Clarke left the room, everyone seemed to take a sigh of relief. Once Quint also excused himself, the betas all managed to get up off of the floor. Seeing all involved a little worse for wear, Lexa had called for everyone to take a break, to meet back up later on during the day. Anything to get out of that room. Lexa did not wait for anyone else to leave before she was practically running back to her tent for fear of her scent becoming too obvious. Her mind returned to her present conversation with Ezra after visibly flinching at his discerning gaze and arched eyebrows. Yes, Clarke was becoming a problem.

“Why can’t you ask them to send Kane over from now on?”

“Kane does have the diplomatic skill necessary. But Clarke has the vision, and frankly, the pheromones to level everyone in that room should she need to, Kane could get himself killed.”

“Oh, you don’t need to remind me of Clarke’s pheromones. The last time someone had me on my knees like that was when I was a pup, it’s not an experience I am likely to forget.”

Ezra considered her for a moment, watching Lexa relieve that moment again with a grimace on her face.

“Have you ever stopped to think that you might be getting yourself killed?”

When Lexa did not respond, Ezra sucked in his lips, as if he was holding back a comment. Lexa could tell he was considering his next words carefully. But then, he relaxed his face, and earnestly reached out for her hand.

“I am only trying to keep you safe, _nomon_ made me promise–”

“– _Nomon_ isn’t here. I am, and I am _Heda_ , a fact that Quint, and everyone else, need to accept.”

Ezra withdrew his hand and looked away, concealing his face briefly. Lexa knew something was on his mind, something he felt that she needed to hear. But Lexa could not decide what concerned her more, the fact that he was holding back or the actual concern itself. When he did not respond right away, her mind went back to the meeting earlier, before a thought crossed her mind that filled her with a sense of dread.

“Did you see either Quint or Clarke close to camp after I left?”

“No, but I left shortly after you. You smelled a little too sweet, and while most of those betas could not smell a ripe peach if it was right in front of them, not everyone surrounding the path from the war room to your tent has the nose of a beta. Quint himself only left a couple of minutes before you, he could have been skulking around after you practically presented yourself to Clarke on the table.”

For the first time in years, Ezra had truly crossed a line, and he knew it. Nothing Ezra did was unintentional, even when he was hiding it in snark about fruit. They stared silently at each other for another moment. He was challenging her to deny it. Lexa knew for a fact that most of the people in that room were so compromised by the competing alpha scents that they probably could not see the way she was white-knuckling the table, but she was _Heda_. She bowed to no one. She knew that this was not the last discussion that she would have with Ezra about Clarke, but she was genuinely worried about the _Skaialpha's_ safety. Swallowing her planned retort and a bit of her pride, Lexa stood up from the table and looked at her brother.

“Come on we need to make sure that Quint hasn’t killed her after that embarrassment.”

###

If Lexa was being honest with herself, spending time in an enclosed space alone with Clarke while they were waiting out the wrath of a _pauna_ was both thrilling and terrifying. In the past four weeks, she had a couple of talks with Clarke, some one-on-one, but most of their time spent together was in dull meetings about strategy. Lexa went out of her way to keep their one-on-one meetings to a minimum, and when they did happen, she would try to fill the space between them with words about leadership, to avoid creating any further sense of intimacy. Of course, that backfired, when she realized how much they had in common, how despite their absurdly different upbringings, the responsibilities they shared and the toll that it had taken on the both of them made Lexa feel entirely exposed and yet for the first time in a long time, not entirely alone. Ezra kept her grounded as best he could, but she could not accept his help without mourning the life he should have had. But Clarke was not taking her responsibilities away from her, she had her own world to carry on her shoulders, and she knew what was at stake. Even after the dullest conversations between them, Lexa had found Clarke to be incredibly smart, compassionate, outrageously stubborn, and fiercely beautiful.

Catching herself daydreaming again, Lexa brought herself back to their dire situation. _At least I sent Ezra back to TonDC to warn my soldiers to stay clear. I don’t think I would have been able to look him in the eyes again if he saw me trembling at this Skaialpha’s touch._ Clarke was standing right next to her, _touching her_ , as she put Lexa’s arm in a sling to “immobilize it” as she called it. Clarke confused her to no end. They had both been running for their lives just a moment ago. They both were covered in sweat, and just in case Clarke did not know Lexa was an omega before, she definitely did now. There was nowhere for her hide. Her overcoats might have been marked with Ezra’s smell, but with all of the adrenaline and pent up desire Lexa had been feeling, her own scent had long past taken over. And yet, for the first time in years, something about the way Clarke risked her own life to pull Lexa through that door made the omega commander feel like she did not need to hide. But she had no idea how Clarke felt, and the last thing she wanted was to project her own hopeless feelings onto the most powerful alpha within hundred miles like every omega cliché Titus warned her about. She had to protect the Coalition. And herself.

Between all of Lexa’s increasingly confusing feelings for Clarke, she was also furious at the alpha. Why had this _branwada_ (fool) risked everything to save her? Did she not value her own life? Especially after the stunt that Quint almost pulled, challenging her to a territorial display in the woods after she had made a fool of him in the strategy meeting. That figures. Leave it to the most powerful alpha that Lexa had ever met to hesitate to take a life that by all rights was hers to take. _What the hell could I possibly have done in a past life to warrant crossing paths with someone like you in this one?_

“You should have left me behind. Now two will die here instead of one.”

Clarke had just finished tying off the sling when she began walking towards the metal bars of the cage. Lexa had to suppress a whimper at the loss of contact. _This is going to be a long day. I don’t know what sounds better, having the pauna kill me or escaping back to camp with zero dignity._ Lexa silently scolded herself.

“I'm still new to your culture, but when someone saves your life, my people say thank you”, Clarke responded back.

“I’m serious Clarke, to lead well, you must make hard choices”

All at once, Lexa smelled Clarke’s anger saturate the room. Without any dominance in it, yet still thick and nauseating. Lexa knew that the anger was directed at her, but she still couldn’t suppress a gulp. It was that shadow of dominance again, a promise of what she chose not to use on her. Heat started bubbling up below her navel, and lower. Clarke turned around, facing her, and narrowed the distance between them. 

“Hard choices? You’re telling me that.” 

Clarke was challenging her. But Lexa was not going to buckle that easily. No matter how much she might have wanted to. It was her turn to step closer into Clarke’s space.

__

“I've seen your strength, it's true. But now you waver. You couldn't kill Quint; you couldn't leave me to die. That was weakness.”

“I thought love was weakness”, Clarke then turned around, walking back to the bars of the cage. Lexa managed a smirk. She could play this game.

“Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Clarke.”

At that, Clarke turned back around for what felt like the thousandth time. Lexa barely cleared the smirk off of her own face before Clarke was walking towards her again.

“You wanna know why I saved you? Because I need you. God forbid one of your generals becomes Commander. You may be heartless, Lexa but at least you're smart.”

The ridiculousness of that statement separated Lexa just enough from the compliment at the end of Clarke’s retort. Still, she allowed her amusement to come through though, smirking at Clarke as she said,

“Don’t worry my spirit will choose much more wisely than that.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows before she furrowed them as she replied, “Your spirit?”

“When I die, my spirit will find the next Commander.”

Understanding crept across Clarke’s face. She briefly looked away as she replied, “Reincarnation”, Clarke then brought her eyes back to Lexa’s.

“That’s how you became Commander.”

It was a statement, not a question, but Lexa could not help but nod. The intensity of Clarke’s gaze reinforced the arousal pooling at her core. When Clarke inhaled, her pupils dilated, and her mouth was open slightly as if she was tasting the air. Lexa immediately turned around and walked to the back wall of the cage to stare out of the rectangular windows letting the only light in from the outside world.

“Lexa”

At first, Lexa did not turn around to face Clarke. She embarrassed herself by letting her omega get the better of her. Lexa felt like all of her years of training and control went out the window, literally, in this case, when it came to Clarke. When she realized that Clarke had not continued, that she was waiting for her to turn around, Lexa relented, making tentative eye contact again.

“There is something I don’t understand, why do you hide your presentation from your people?”

For the first time since she had interacted with Clarke, either with others around or when they were alone, Lexa felt fear. It’s not that she didn’t know that Clarke knew, but all of a sudden, the danger that it put both of them in came rushing to the forefront of her mind. She took an involuntary step back until her back was against the wall. Any arousal she had felt before had seeped out of her body.

Then she felt awash with calming pheromones, and Lexa was able to close her eyes, take a deep breath, and look back at Clarke, who had now taken one, albeit slow step towards her.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone, it’s just that, if the previous Commander’s Spirit chose you, why is being an omega something that you need to hide?”

“The Commander’s Spirit is not a bright glowing ball of light that somehow travels through the air until it finds the next Commander in a random village, Clarke.”

When Clarke turned her gaze downwards, a little sheepishly, as if that’s exactly how she imagined it happening, Lexa sighed. She then took a tentative step forward, getting Clarke’s attention. Lexa considered her choice of words carefully before she started again. On one hand, she wanted to be honest with Clarke, to be able to tell her the truth and to be understood. But on the other, Clarke was an outsider, and more than that, Titus had people murdered at the possibility that they would expose her while others had died at the hands of her enemies keeping her secret. _My Costia._

Lexa squared her shoulders, took a deep breath, the air still mixed with her fear, and Clarke’s soothing pheromones before she started again. “When it becomes known that a child has––is eligible,” Lexa corrected herself, she did not want to reveal any more than she had to, “to become Commander, they are sent to our capital, Polis, to be trained. All pups are trained the same way before they present. They learn to fight, to read, to hunt, to use maps, and of course, know the history of the Commander. From the age of ten to the age that the pup presents, they are matched with a warrior and become their second. They spend about half of their time with their _fos_ and the other half in Polis with the rest of the trainees.”

The look on Clarke’s face was peculiar. Her eyebrows were raised as if she was surprised, yet halfway through Lexa’s explanation, she narrowed her eyes. It was as if she was both incredibly fascinated with what Lexa was saying, but also frustrated that Lexa had clearly been giving her details as a means to put off answering her actual question. Lexa had to admit, conversations with Clarke were like finding a dance partner that could move as she moved, who refused to simply orbit around her, without pulling Lexa into her own gravitational pull. It was incredibly intoxicating to be around someone who seemed to know who she was but did not flinch.

Before Lexa could continue though, Clarke inserted herself, “so what happens when they present?”

Lexa feigned annoyance as if she did not know exactly what she was doing and continued: “If the pup presents as an alpha, they remain eligible to become Commander, and their training becomes more intense. They have more time training with the current Commander, and they start to attend meetings with the war council. If the pup presents as an omega, well, things go a little differently. They continue to train and to learn, but they are immediately ineligible to become Commander. Ultimately, their job will be to produce more pups that are eligible.”

Now it was Clarke’s turn to be stunned. Lexa just watched Clarke’s face go through a series of emotions, from shock to anger, to what at first seemed like understanding, only for Clarke to chew on her bottom lip as she landed in a state of confusion. Lexa knew she must have had questions, but to her surprise, Clarke’s closed her mouth, as a line of tension appeared on her forehead. After what felt like a few minutes, Clarke spoke.

“What happens if a pup presents as a beta?”

“That’s not possible.”

Lexa could tell that Clarke was about to ask her why, which might have led her to ask what made someone eligible in the first place, and Lexa was hoping to avoid having that conversation with Clarke, at least for now. This was already too much too soon. And they had an actual war to plan anyways that had nothing to do with the succession of her people.

“Clarke, let’s just put it this way, there is some biological reason that someone eligible is either going to present as an alpha or an omega and leave it at that, okay?”

Clarke nodded before starting her round of questions again, “You still have not told me how a Commander is chosen.”

“When the Commander dies, the current eligible alphas fight to the death in a series of one-on-one matches in what we call a Conclave. The survivor becomes the next Commander.” Clarke’s eyes widen at that last piece of knowledge. 

“So technically, you were not eligible to become Commander in the first place?” 

“Yes”

“You lied when you presented, so now you have to lie to everyone, all of the time.”

“Yes”

“Is that why I always catch your guard’s smell swirling around you?”

Lexa smirked, knowing she just caught Clarke trying to figure out who was scent-marking her. 

“He’s my brother Clarke, not your competition” _Oh no._ what started as a chance to rib Clarke ended with her blushing from the tips of her ears, across her face, and down her neck. Clarke’s smile was nothing short of the Cheshire cat’s smile from a strange book Titus had made her read as a child.

“Who said anything about me trying to compete for you?”

“…I, um, well…”

Not basking in the glow of watching Lexa stumble over herself for too long, “It’s okay, I actually had a feeling that he was your brother, you guys–”

“–look exactly alike”, Lexa quickly recovered from her momentary embarrassment.

When Clarke gave her a sheepish look, Lexa smirked, “Everyone tells us that. Honestly, Ezra would do anything for me. And he has, I would not be standing here, I don’t just mean as _Heda_ , I mean I wouldn’t be standing here at all if he did not continue to help me maintain my secret”

Clarke took a few steps towards Lexa until she left about a foot of distance between them. Lexa’s fear had long since subsided. Being this close to Clarke again spiked her curiosity. Clarke reached out to take the hand of her uninjured arm and squeezed it.

“I want you to know that your secret is safe with me.” 

Clarke gave Lexa a small smile that made her slightly weak in the knees. All of the outside threats surrounding them, being from opposing sides in a tentative alliance, the threat of the _Maunon_ , the fear that letting one more person know her secret could potentially expose the few remaining people that she loved, people who sacrificed for her every day for her to keep that secret. Despite all of that, one look at Clarke smiling, at her beautiful wavy blond hair, to her cute nose and cerulean eyes that projected her fierce determination, Lexa could not help but know that she meant it, that Clarke was safety. Lexa returned the slight smile.

Lexa was abruptly brought back down to reality when Clarke then said, “I just want to know one thing,” Lexa’s breath hitched, slowly dropping Clarke’s hand that clasped with her own moments before, as she listened to the words coming out of Clarke’s mouth. “Why go to all of that trouble of lying about being an alpha in the first place?”

Before Lexa had the time process Clarke’s question, their attention was immediately brought to the ceiling of the cage as the roars of the _pauna_ reverberated throughout the old zoo. The _pauna_ found the doors that opened the cage they were in and immediately began ramming into them.

Lexa’s sword was the only thing keeping the doors closed, she knew that eventually, the _pauna’s_ repeated pressure on them would cause it to fail. Lexa grabbed Clarke’s hand and brought her as far away from the doors as she could, their backs against the bars of the cage. Lexa then closed her eyes, saying a silent prayer to the Spirit, hoping that Ezra would find her body in time to retrieve it so Titus could remove the Flame. _Ai gonplei ste odon._

“Don’t be afraid Clarke, death is not the end.”

“We are not dying here! I need your spirit to stay where it is!”

“Then get ready to fight. It’s coming in.”

Lexa took out her knife and stepped forward, bracing for the wrath about to come down on them. From behind her, she heard Clarke walking towards her as she said, “Maybe we let it in. Come here.”

Understanding what Clarke was about to do, Lexa followed her to the wall immediately beside the door. Clarke waited for Lexa’s nod that she was ready before turning back to the doors.

“Now!”

Clarke removed the sword and the _pauna_ barreled into the room, practically tripping over itself at the sudden loss of resistance from the door. Before it could figure out what to do next, Clarke yelled, “Go!” as she grabbed Lexa and forced her out of the door in front of her. Clarke clambered out quickly after, the _pauna_ already running back towards the door. Clarke slammed the door closed and dropped the deadbolt preventing the _pauna_ from escaping. Knowing that the _pauna_ likely would not be trapped by that door forever, Lexa looked at Clarke, “Let’s go” as they both made their way out of the zoo, thankful for their lives. 

###

In the midst of running for their lives, Lexa had not realized just how far they had gotten from TonDC. They could have easily made it back in an afternoon. But it was already getting late, and after barely escaping with their lives, when Clarke asked if Lexa wanted to set up camp for a couple of hours, Lexa had agreed, knowing full well that they could not stay for too long. She knew that if they didn’t return by tomorrow morning at the latest, Ezra would take half of her army away from camp to do everything he could to find her. Just as Lexa started doing the mental math required to figure out just how much time they could take before continuing the hike back to TonDC, Clarke twitched in her sleep, bringing Lexa’s attention back to the small fire she had made to keep them both warm.

When she had insisted on taking the first watch, Clarke made a face like she was going to argue. But Lexa just smiled and said, “Think of it as my way of thanking you for saving me back there.”

“So you do say thank you after all”, Clarke flashed her a small smirk, and relented, opting to lay down close to the fire.

After all of the emotions and pheromones she had experienced throughout the day, Lexa was incredibly relieved that Clarke did not go all protective alpha on her about it. She hated to admit it, but she found her body responding to Clarke in ways that she had never experienced before, especially when she got a flash of what Clarke was capable of earlier that day with Quint. Lexa was afraid of testing out her resolve if Clarke said no, and more than that, Lexa just needed some time to just be with herself. _And the Spirit of the Commander,_ she thought. 

Lexa had long known that for her deception to work long enough to accomplish her goals, the future that _Heda_ Dax, her predecessor, had insisted that she dream of, that she had to remain alone. That her sacrifice and the sacrifices of the people around her could only mean something if she was allowed to wield the power bestowed upon her. After Costia died, Lexa promised herself that she would place no one else in that same danger ever again. It had been two years since her death, yet even now, she still dreamt of Costia screaming while being tortured at Nia’s hand. Looking back down at Clarke, her face peaceful while she slept, without a hint of the strength that Lexa knew was just beneath the surface, she knew that she was falling for her. But Lexa also knew that she had to do everything in her power to keep Clarke safe from all of the danger that came from loving a Commander, let alone, loving one who had to lie to everyone to stay alive and hold the _Kongeda_ (Coalition) together.

All of a sudden, the roars of the _pauna_ could be heard, suggesting it was closer to them than before. _It must have escaped_. Lexa thought grimly. Yet when Clarke immediately sat up, fight or flight response activated, Lexa immediately began releasing soothing pheromones, wanting to relax the alpha in front of her.

“It’s okay,” Clarke turned around to face her, the pheromones clearly having the intended effect.

Lexa resisted the urge to preen, knowing that she could have a calming effect on the alpha in front of her before saying, “you’re safe.”

Clarke’s face softened, “how’s your arm?”

“It hurts,” Lexa admitted honestly.

When the _pauna_ roared again, Clarke turned her head back around towards the direction of the roaring before she started to stand up.

“We should go, that cage won’t hold forever.”

They both knew that the cage likely had already been broken open, but unwilling to contemplate the consequences of that, Lexa changed the subject.

“Wait,” Lexa stands up to face Clarke, “I was wrong about you, Clarke. Your heart shows no sign of weakness.”

They looked into each other’s eyes, both thankful that they had made it through that terrible ordeal alive, and together. It was rare that Lexa ever had to admit that she was wrong, or that she misjudged a situation before. It was unsettling, and she had a strange feeling that being around Clarke enough would put her in more situations where her judgment would be tested. Anticipation, both sexual and otherwise, coiled itself in her belly. As hard as it was to profess that she had been wrong, Clarke did not hold it over her head. She did not have one of her signature smirks on her face, nor an air of superiority either. Instead, all Lexa saw was Clarke reflecting the same earnestness she felt back at her.

Then all at once, Clarke’s eyebrows raised, and an air of excitement swirled around her as she turned back towards the direction of the _pauna’s_ roars.

“The cage won’t hold,” she whispered to herself, before turning back to face Lexa.

With a full-blown smile on her face, she said, “I think I know how to take Mount Weather. We've been trying to get inside, but they've already let us in.”

Lexa furrowed her eyebrows, “What are you talking about?”

“Your army is already there, locked in cages. We just need someone on the inside to let them out.”

“Bellamy”, when Clarke nodded, Lexa continued, “You have faith in him?”

“I do.”

Not entirely convinced, Lexa responded, “I hope your faith is well placed because if he can’t get inside, we can’t win.”

Clarke seemed to have increased confidence in herself with each passing doubt that Lexa expressed as she said, “He will” then she put out the fire and said, “Lexa, this is gonna work, come on.”

It was hard not to allow some of Clarke’s excitement and confidence to rub off on her, as she watched Clarke take the lead back to TonDC. Lexa just hoped that her trust in Clarke with both the future of her people and the knowledge that she shared with her earlier was well placed as she followed Clarke on the way back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Feel free to give me some feedback in the comments


	3. Expectations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke spends some time in the Grounder camp, we see more than one familiar face. Both Clarke and Lexa get each other all flustered for one another.

**Clarke**

It had been about a week since the Lexa and Clarke survived the mutant gorilla incident. Of all of the dangers that Clarke had anticipated having while on the ground, running for her life to avoid getting eaten by rabid primate did not crack her top ten list of likely scenarios. Even less likely, chasing after a wild omega with the fiercest eyes and profound love of her people. _Lexa_. The more Clarke learned about her, the more questions she had. Lexa still hadn’t explained to her why she decided to put herself through all of this. Why did she lie to her people and even kill to keep her secret, when she could have guaranteed safety if she had originally admitted to presenting as an omega. Clarke wasn’t stupid; the idea of being forced to have children with someone you didn’t know or were never intending to mate to produce more eligible pups, whatever the hell that meant, to become Commander sounded like sex slavery. Clarke could not fathom having to go through that. All the same, there was a certain amount of arrogance that came from assuming that after three hundred years of doing things one way, that you are the key to changing the future. Clarke knew that there had to be more to it than that. If only Lexa would trust her with the truth.

As things stood, Bellamy had finally made contact with Raven at Camp Jaha. He had been gathering information about what exactly they were doing to the forty-seven remaining delinquents at Mount Weather. Apparently, they had a setback. Bellamy was not entirely sure what the problem was, but someone had gotten sick after one of the transplants. Maya was working with him to get more information. For now, they planned to figure out how to permanently take down the veil, make tone generators, and capture reapers, with Abby leading a detox clinic in TonDC. All that they were waiting for was a way to get a message to Cage Wallace about their “hidden army.”

With a plan in place and nothing to do but hurry up and wait, Clarke was getting restless. She had been hovering over Raven’s shop, pacing back and forth until Raven kicked her out. Raven put a radio in Clarke’s hand and insisted that she go back to TonDC to “be Lexa’s problem for a while.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, pretending to take offense at the beta ordering her around, but really, she knew Raven was right. This was a waiting game.

Which lead her to be on a horse, with Ryder on his own next to her, as she traveled back to Camp to see Lexa. On their walk back to TonDC from the zoo, Lexa had offered to teach her how to throw a dagger properly. So long as Lexa wasn’t too busy, Clarke was hoping to collect on that offer. At a trot, the ride wasn’t too long, but with Clarke already antsy with what felt like nothing to do and all of the pressures that came from trying to win this war, the half a days’ journey seemed to take forever.

It was almost dark by the time they made it to TonDC, and Clarke all but threw Ryder her reigns before she practically jogged to Lexa’s tent. Ezra was one of the guards outside of her tent, and Clarke could not believe the smirk he had on his face when they made eye contact. _So much for the stoic warrior,_ Clarke thought to herself.

“Clarke _kom Skaikru_ , what brings you to TonDC?” 

Ezra spoke as if he had no idea whom she was hoping to speak to.

“I have business with the Commander.”

“Business?”

“Yes, she promised to teach me how to throw daggers, and with some spare time, I figured that we could do that today.”

“I’m sorry, Clarke, but even if she did extend that offer to you, it’s unlikely that _Heda_ will be able to today, it’s almost dark.”

Clarke looked up at the sky, _damn it_ , she knew he was right, but that didn’t stop her gaze from falling back on to the flap leading into Lexa’s tent. Ever since their talk in the old zoo cage, Clarke had felt an even stronger pull towards the omega. It wasn’t quite like the lust she had felt before. That had been driven mainly by smell and physical attraction. No, this was different. The things she told Clarke, the secrets, that if ever brought to light, could lead to her death, the dissolution of the Coalition, and likely the deaths of all forty-seven of her people still held as prisoners in Mt. Weather. What Lexa had given her was stronger than any physical affection or gifts that previous lovers had ever given her. She had given _at least a part of_ the truth, which meant she trusted Clarke. An image of her mother came to mind, and that made Clarke tremble with rage. Realizing that she was being watched, and her scent broadcasting her anger, her eyes came back to focus on Ezra, whose discerning gaze and hand on his sword made Clarke take a step back.

“I’m sorry, I was just thinking about something my mother had done in the past,” to which Ezra raised an eyebrow. 

“Nothing to do with the Commander. I just, I mean… Can you ask if she wants to see me?”

Ezra continued to watch her shift uncomfortably before saying something to the beta female guard standing to his left. He then brought his attention back to Clarke.

“I will go ask her if she will see you this evening, Clarke _kom Skaikru_. Wait here.”

Clarke waited in front of the tent for about a minute before Ezra opened the flap from the inside leading her into the spacious tent. Clarke had begun to feel accustomed to the space, having spent a good chunk of her time with Lexa in the main section of this tent. She found Lexa with her hands holding on to the table that held the model of Mt. Weather, eyes glued to the section where most of her army would be stationed. At first, she didn’t look up, but Clarke knew Lexa was aware of her arrival, as a line of tension had appeared in her shoulders that wasn’t there a moment before. It was Ezra himself that brought both of their attention back as he pointedly said,

“I will have a tent set up for you, Clarke _kom Skaikru_ , assuming that you plan on staying here tonight.”

With two sets of grey-green eyes on her, Clarke awkwardly stumbled out an answer.

“Oh, um, yes, yes, thank you, Ezra… _kom Trikru._ ”

A satisfied smile appeared on his face at the formality she gave him before he turned away and walked out of the tent. With him gone, Clarke took a big sigh of relief. Her gaze still back on the tent’s entrance, when Lexa’s voice hijacked all of her focus.

“You know, you give him way too much satisfaction watching you stammer like that.”

“It’s not like I am trying to be nervous, he just knows how to put me off balance.”

“You wouldn’t be the first to feel that way,” Lexa conceded, “But he’s never made an alpha as powerful as you turn into a stuttering pup.”

Clarke’s alpha had had enough of the pokes at her alphahood when she replied.

“It has nothing to do with him and everything to do with what his judgment of me means to you.”

Clarke sighed again, realizing what she said out loud.

“Wait that’s not what I meant–”

__

But before she could say anything else, Lexa was standing about a foot in front of her. She still had her armor on, a lingering of alpha musk still there. But unlike all of the other times that Clarke had seen her before, it was unbuckled, exposing Lexa’s small waist covered only by a shirt and small clothes. Clarke’s mouth had gone completely dry. She had forgotten the rest of her sentence, as such proximity made it hard for her to concentrate.

“Clarke”

When she heard her name spoken out loud, she forced her eyes back up to Lexa’s face. She expected to see annoyance at being caught staring, but all she saw was a mild concern.

“What are you doing here?”

“Well, Raven is working on taking down the veil and building tone generators and communicating with Bellamy every four hours, and she told me I was hovering, so she basically ordered me to go away,” Clarke couldn’t help but roll her eyes, thinking about Raven barking about how Clarke may be the alpha but in her garage, she’s in charge.

Realizing exactly who she was talking to, she rushed to say, “not that I am annoyed by it or anything. I mean, people other than alphas can obviously be my superiors. Following orders feels just as natural to me as giving orders and–”

“–Wait what? Clarke, I meant, what are you doing here? In my tent. Seeing me.”

Clarke realized what she had said and could not help the blush that crept across her cheeks. Surprisingly, Lexa then blushed the most beautiful shade of pink in response. Clarke temporarily forgot her own embarrassment, entranced by how much younger Lexa's rose tinged cheeks made her appear. Remembering that she still had not answered Lexa’s question, she took a deep breath and started again.

“Well, when we were walking back to camp after escaping the _pauna,_ you had mentioned that you would teach me to throw daggers properly. And I guess with this temporary calm in the war that it might be a good time to do that before it gets crazy again. Then when I talked to Ezra, he brought up the fact that it was practically dark out, and knowing that was true, it felt kind of awkward coming all of this way and standing in front of your tent to not at least see you.”

Lexa stared at her for a second before breaking out into a smile. She watched as Lexa’s smile reached all the way to her eyes, where little lines appeared at the corners, and her eyes were so warm that Clarke felt like the air in the tent must have gone up ten degrees. All she could do was dumbly return the smile.

“So you are here because you wanted to see me?”

“Yes, I mean, I know you are super busy, you know, commanding twelve clans and planning a war and all that, but–”

Lexa placed her right pointer finger on Clarke’s lips.

“As much as I too enjoy watching the _strongest,_ most powerful alpha I have ever met, talk in circles in front of me. I am going to have to cut you off.”

_ Shit, I must have overstepped. _ Clarke thought to herself. She felt herself pulling away, and she took one step back. Before Lexa could say anything else, Clarke saved her the trouble.

“You’re right, this was a stupid idea. I know we have way more important things coming up, like the meeting with all of the war chiefs next week, I’m sorry for wasting your time.”

“Clarke, you’re not. Stop”

Lexa stepped forward and put both of her hands on Clarke’s shoulders. She then brought her in for a hug, and Clarke immediately relaxed in her arms.

“Slow down, take a deep breath.”

When Clarke did as she was told, she realized that that was a mistake. At first, all she could smell was Ezra. All over Lexa’s body. Now Clarke knew intellectually that Ezra was Lexa’s brother, and that her life literally depended on her smelling that way, but even still, she couldn’t help the growl that escaped her lips before it was too late.

When Lexa tensed in her arms, Clarke immediately regretted what she had done. She knew how important it was for Lexa to smell like Ezra. She had spent the past five weeks trying to show Lexa that even after what happened with Lincoln, then Finn, then Gustus, that she could be trusted to not act purely on instinct.

Lexa had broken off the hug and stepped back, walking towards one of the chairs at the dining table. Clarke was about to apologize, internally scolding herself more, when Lexa did something that had Clarke thrown completely off guard. Lexa took off her armor, all evidence of Ezra’s smell, before coming back to Clarke and embracing her once again.

“Now, let’s try this again. Take a nice, slow breath for me.”

Clarke, stunned by what had just happened, at first did not move. Her body still wrought with tension from only moments before, that it wasn’t until Lexa had put enough space between them that she could place both hands on either side of Clarke’s face did the tension leave Clarke’s body. When Clarke saw the look on Lexa’s face, it made her heartbreak. Her eyebrows were knitted together, eyes wide as saucers, and her lips pulled downwards.

“Wait, is this not what you want?”

“I, uhhh–”

“–Because I know this is hard, and I know that putting up with Ezra’s smell all over my body would make any alpha uncomfortable, then there’s the whole putting my people first, I mean, how could someone as beautiful and as strong as you ever be willing to put up with that.”

Watching Lexa ramble in the same way that she had only moments before made Clarke realize how young and uncertain Lexa could be. Here they were, both of them barely adults, having to make all of these terrible high-stakes decisions all on their own. But neither of them was alone anymore. They had each other. To lean on, to learn from, to challenge each other. Yes, she knew that if this were to somehow move forward, if they were able to somehow win the war, get all of their people back, that even then, they would never have a traditional bond that everyone else got to have. But looking at the young, devastatingly beautiful war chief in front of her, no medallion on her head, nor any warpaint to speak of, she knew deep in her bones that yes, this was what she wanted.

So she took a risk. And she grabbed Lexa from behind her neck and gently pulled her forward until their lips met. This time it was Lexa who relaxed into her embrace as they slowly melted into each other. Clarke felt Lexa’s nose brush against hers as she sucked on Lexa’s bottom lip. She licked at the seam of Lexa's lips, asking for entry. Lexa smiled into the kiss, allowing Clarke to deepen it, reaching her tongue out to interact with Clarke's. Clarke loved the way Lexa tasted on her tongue, as she engrossed herself in all of this new information Lexa was giving her access to.

Clarke brought her left hand from behind Lexa's neck to her waist while she lightly gripped Lexa's hip with her right hand. What she felt with her fingers gave her wanderlust. It wasn't enough to feel how tiny her waist was in comparison to her generous hips. Her hands traveled to Lexa’s lower back. Clarke could feel the years of training and fighting that made her all lithe, sinewy muscle. Clarke pulled Lexa closer until their bodies were flush against each other as she used her right hand to travel up Lexa's strong back. The thought of Clarke being able to explore her entire body without clothes using more than just her hands…

It was then that Clarke realized the volume of arousal pheromones that she had been releasing, and suddenly she noticed that the hood of her clit had also started to expand. Another deep breath through her nose told her that she certainly wasn't the only one who was aroused. It wasn't very often that she got to smell Lexa's true scent, but she honestly felt like she couldn't get enough of it. That admission was enough to give her pause. If this were with anyone else, in any other situation, this might not have been a problem, but the reality of their situation immediately sank in and filled her with fear. All of a sudden, she was acutely aware that there were hundreds of people within smelling distance of the Commander’s tent.

Channeling that fear, Clarke pulled herself back from Lexa's perfect, now puffy lips. She could not help but soak in Lexa's heated gaze. Her cheeks were flushed, and her pupils dilated. Her eyelids were half-open and seemed trained on Clarke's lips, now that they were separated from each other. At least until she tried to advance on Clarke's lips again and Clarke pulled away.

Lexa's eyebrows knitted together, and she swallowed her lips. The rosy nature of her cheeks spread to her ears and down her neck from what Clarke thought looked like embarrassment. When Clarke realized that Lexa thought she was rejecting her advances, she brought their noses together, before releasing soothing pheromones. She closed her eyes, enjoying the way their faces slotted together before she said,

"I want to, but I am scared of how exposed we are here."

Clarke opened her eyes to see Lexa nod before she slowly had unwound her arms from Clarke’s body. When they had a few feet between each other, she spoke up.

“You're right, this isn't the best time for us to be doing,” she hesitated before looking at Clarke's lips as Clarke sighed, "what we were doing."

She sheepishly started walking back over to grab her jacket, leaving the rest of her armor still off.

“Right.”

“Let’s try to keep our hands off of each other, you know,” Lexa gulped “for the time being.”

“That’s probably for the best.”

Clarke was slowly backing up towards the entrance of the tent.

“I think that it might be best if I just head back to Camp Jaha in the morning, get an update from Raven, see if she and Bellamy have made any headway."

Clarke knew that there likely hadn’t been too much progress in one afternoon. And as soon as Raven saw her, she would probably say something along the lines of,

“Let me guess, the Commander got annoyed with your hovering over her too?”

Plus she had the radio that Raven had given her, so she knew that she could just as easily talk to her without leaving.

“Wait.”

Clarke did not take another step.

“Do you still want those lessons, because I know a place we could go.”

When Clarke started to blush, Lexa tried to correct herself.

“I mean it’s not for privacy, it’s really just to make sure that a bad shot doesn’t injure someone.”

“Oh. Right.”

Now they were both blushing.

“Meet me back here tomorrow morning at first light?”

“First light. Be here. Okay.”

“Okay.”

Then Lexa gave her another small smile, and Clarke knew she had to leave before she got Lexa or herself into any more trouble. When she practically jumped out of the tent, she tried her best to avoid Ezra’s gaze, almost certain that he could smell his sister all over Clarke. When they made eye contact, he just narrowed his eyes before looking straight ahead.

Clarke scrambled to find Ryder, who brought her to the tent that Ezra had requested be made up for her. The tent was descent in size. Not as spacious as the Commander’s tent, of course, but it had a table to sit and eat at, a huge tub to bathe in, and the bed was three times the size of the bed she slept in as a prisoner on the Ark. Despite his outer animosity towards her, Ezra had definitely set her up nicely. She made a mental note to thank him the next time she saw him.

Clarke got into the piping hot bath and soaked in it until her fingers and toes were pruning, before putting on the grounder small clothes that had been laid out on her bed. With no word from Raven and nothing to do, Clarke blew out all of the candles and climbed into the spacious bed.

At first, Clarke worried that she had too much anticipation for her outing with Lexa tomorrow that she wouldn’t be able to sleep. But soon enough, her exhaustion from a day’s worth of anxiety and riding and the comfort of the bed got the best of her, and she was brought under into a state of deep sleep.

###

Clarke woke up the next morning with a clear head and a focus she had not had since before the gorilla attack. She threw her clothes back on and debated whether or not to bring her gun. Ultimately, she opted to bring it, not knowing exactly where they were going. She had brought a small knapsack with her from Camp Jaha that she threw in a water bottle with some iodine packets, a basic first aid kit her mom had insisted that she bring everywhere, some dried meat that she stashed from the meal from the night before, a change of boxers, a clean bra and a sketchbook, in case they didn’t come straight back to camp. Lastly, she put the radio on her belt.

Satisfied that she had thought of everything, she left her tent to get some food for breakfast. Ryder was surprisingly waiting right outside of her tent. Whether or not he had been outside guarding her tent all night or not, she didn’t know, but he followed right behind her.

As soon as they reached the dining tent, savory smells hit Clarke’s nostrils. There really was nothing that compared to the food on the ground on the Ark. Everything on the Ark ultimately had to be about survival; the flavor was often beside the point. Breakfast consisted of stew with freshly caught deer, and a heel of bread to wash it down with. There were also fresh berries that were so sweet that Clarke had to stop herself from moaning as she tried some before she found a place to sit down and eat. She knew that she could have taken her food back to her tent, but opted instead to sit outside. That was when she found Octavia sitting by herself, and after waving over, she sat down next to her to talk.

“Octavia”

“Clarke”

She knew that Indra had taken Octavia as her second and that Octavia had never been happier. She could see the way she bounded around, only too happy to follow whatever orders Indra could come up with. But more than that, they were blood bound, and she could feel a certain contentedness that she couldn’t remember Octavia experiencing in the short time that they had been bonded.

“How has training with Indra been working out?”

“Good. She has me working with the other seconds, learning to fight, going out on hunting duty.”

Clarke could tell that Octavia was holding back her own enthusiasm. It made Clarke smile. Most grounders Clarke had met were nothing short of restrained. Lexa might have been exceptional at it, but just about every grounder she had met always seemed so subtle with how they would express their emotions. It was why Lexa’s own forthcoming to her was so extraordinary. Watching her friend try to employ that same control made her happy that Octavia had taken so strongly with the _Trikru_ way of life. It made her optimistic about the prospects for the rest of her people. She realized then that Octavia had been studying her, looking like she had something to say.

“Why are you here, Clarke?”

Seeing as she wasn’t the first person to ask her this question within the last twenty-four hours, she was more prepared with an answer this time.

“Lexa is going to teach me how to throw daggers today.”

“Oh, really? Is that all?”

Octavia had an arched eyebrow. Clarke tried to stay as calm as possible. The trouble with a blood bond, unfortunately, was that it went two ways. Definitely not as strong as a mating bond, she was less likely to pick up Clarke’s fluctuating emotions and more general moods, but even still, the last thing she needed was for Octavia to sense all of the pent-up excitement she felt.

“Yes. Lexa offered about a week ago to teach me how to throw daggers, and with everything in limbo at the moment, I figured now would be as good a time as any.”

When Octavia’s eyebrow remained raised, Clarke relented.

“And Raven kicked me out of her shop.”

That got Octavia to relax into a smirk, which Clarke returned with a smile, before looking back down at her bowl to realize that it was empty. When Octavia had gotten up off of the log, she reached down a hand to offer to Clarke, before pulling her up to stand. After Clarke had collected both of their bowls to bring to the dirty pile, she returned to where Octavia was standing.

“What are you up to for the rest of the day?”

“Well, Indra has me running drills this morning,” she grimaced before continuing “after that, she said she has something special planned for the afternoon.”

The terrified look on Octavia’s face made it almost impossible for Clarke not to burst out laughing. When the best she could do to stop it was to hold her face in the dumbest of grins, Octavia grinned right back, then brought her into a big hug.

She then whispered into her ear, “be careful out there, okay. We all need you back here in one piece.”

Clarke would normally be concerned by Octavia’s tone, but it was already dawn, and she didn’t want to be late for Lexa. She was about to turn away when she stopped herself.

“Hey, I don’t know exactly where I am going, but it might be out of range of the radio Raven gave to me. I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind keeping it while I am gone?”

Octavia looked down at the radio, then back at Clarke. Clarke knew that she would take it, with her brother being in Mt. Weather and risking his life for the rest of them. Octavia didn’t say anything when she reached out to take it from her. Clarke just nodded to her before Octavia nodded back.

“Thank you.”

“I’ll find a way to get to you if I hear anything too crazy.”

“You’re the best, O.”

“Yeah, yeah, tell me something I don’t already know.”

Clarke brought her in for another hug before kissing her once on the forehead. This made Octavia roll her eyes before saying, “you should at least take a girl to dinner first before stealing a kiss, Clarke,” to which Clarke just laughed, and walked towards of Lexa’s tent.

“Goodbye, O,” she yelled over her shoulder, to which she heard, “Goodbye, Princess.”

Now it was her turn to roll her eyes. Someday, she hoped, people wouldn’t know her by that nickname.

It wasn’t a great distance between Lexa’s tent and the dining tent. But unlike the previous night, there were two betas on either side of the entrance flap. Clarke hadn’t realized that she had stopped moving a moment before until she saw one of the betas nod to Ryder standing behind her. She still stood about ten strides away from the tent, nervousness overtaking the anticipation that had pervaded every cell in her body. As much as seeing Lexa breathless and lustful the night before had left her longing for some time alone with the omega leader, she also didn’t know exactly what this meant for the future. Especially after what had happened with Fin so recently, Clarke knew that having a relationship so soon with anyone probably wasn’t the best idea.

But Lexa wasn’t just anyone. She was special. She knew what it was like to have to make life and death decisions for someone else. What it was like to breathe air heavy with the loss of a loved one. In the midst of all of the tragedy, Lexa was also so full of life. The rare moments they shared when they weren’t talking about battle strategy or leadership itself when Clarke got to learn about Lexa’s favorite color or food, or when she got her to smile. The thought of even the possibility of a future with Lexa took Clarke’s breath away. But it also reminded Clarke of just how much it was that she could lose if she didn’t do this right. And all of this presupposed that Lexa wanted the same things as Clarke did. For all she knew, Clarke was just a distraction from the war ahead of them.

After taking a deep breath, Clarke started forward again, until she stood in front of the two betas guarding the tent. They were both tall, strapping men, with long beards and braids in their hair. She thought she heard voices in the tent, but she couldn’t make out the words until she realized that it was in _Trigedasleng_. Looking at the guard on her right, she said,

“I am here to see the Commander,” not unlike the night before.

Only this time, there was no Ezra to snark at her. When the beta then turned to open the flap, she saw that the two people talking, albeit tensely, were Ezra and Lexa. She made eye contact with Ezra, his gaze intense until the guard stepped fully inside to talk to the pair. Clarke just stood there awkwardly outside of the tent, the remaining guard staring blankly forward as if she wasn’t there. She thought she heard some more arguing, making the wait even more uncomfortable. Then the guard who entered the tent came out, visibly sweating as if he had endured dominance pheromones while being in the tent, looked relieved to be out in the open.

After a deep breath, he turned back to Clarke, “ _Heda_ is speaking with her chief guard, but she said that she will come out to see you when she is ready. She apologizes for the delay.”

_Ezra got a promotion_ , Clarke thought bleakly. She knew the only reason that had happened was because of Gustus. _Gustus,_ who acted as he did because he so strongly believed that the alliance that Lexa had made, that Lexa _and_ Clarke had made, was so dangerous to the Coalition that he betrayed her. Clarke just stood quietly from then on, trying very hard to maintain an expressionless face.

When the entrance flap opened, Clarke was surprised to see Lexa come out first, with a rare smile on her face that made Clarke swoon a little. An amused look then crept over Lexa’s features after watching the effect she had on the alpha.

The feeling of weightlessness was put out immediately when she saw Ezra, now completely serious exiting the tent. The anger pheromones pouring off of him made Clarke nervous. If there was one thing she had learned about Ezra over the past five weeks, it was that he had the utmost control over himself. While she had a suspicion that she might have played a role, she was left to wonder exactly how much he thought that she knew about Lexa’s predicament. Seeing him this angry gave her the impression that he assumed the worst. 

But then Lexa coughed to get her attention, and all of her thoughts of Ezra started to seep to the back of her mind.

“Are you ready?” Lexa asked her.

“Only if you are.”

Lexa flashed her another dazzling smile that reached all the way up to her eyes, and Clarke forgot how to breathe until Lexa walked right past her, and she stupidly stared at her back before she realized that she was expected to follow. What she did not expect was for Lexa not to bring any guards with her. Lexa then turned to Ryder, who Clarke, not for the first time, had forgotten was standing behind her, he was so quiet. She said something in _Trigedasleng_ to him, and he immediately bowed his head and walked in a direction towards a part of the camp that Clarke had never been to before.

“Are you going to bring any of your guards with you?”

“No.”

After hearing the clipped short answer, Clarke had a feeling that Lexa didn’t want to elaborate on this, but honestly, Clarke’s curiosity got the better of her.

“Why?”

Lexa sighed, before answering, “Let’s just put it this way, I don’t think I need to be guarded against you. In fact, I think that bringing guards, most of whom do not know my situation while being around you, would only put their lives in danger.”

Clarke nodded earnestly, knowing that there was more than one admission in that statement. _Stuff for me to unpack later_. She thought to herself as she noticed Lexa picking up the pace to travel further into the forest and away from the army buzzing with activity.

“Besides, where we are going, there will be scouts within a mile of us in case something goes wrong.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Lexa just rolled her eyes, throwing Clarke a pack that she would later find out contained some additional food. She then turned around and started walking at a fast-enough pace that Clarke had to jog to catch up with her. Wherever they were going, Clarke had a strange feeling that their relationship would never be quite the same again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Feel free to hmu or give feedback in the comments!


	4. Exchanges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa take a walk in the woods, someone's cycle makes an early appearance. They have a much-needed sex conversation.

**Lexa**

As Lexa was walking a familiar path with Clarke behind her, she couldn’t help but get lost in thoughts about her _fos_. Anya was the closest thing to a sister that she had ever had. So much of who she became as a leader and as a warrior stemmed from her teachings. The day she had experienced her first heat, the intense pain she felt in her core that spiraled out and spread to the rest of her body. The cramping she experienced was matched only by the fear that bubbled up. She had been warned that she would present soon, even to expect a heat instead of a rut, but the day it started, when she had woken up in _TonDC_ , with an intense emptiness that she couldn’t understand, all she could think about was getting caught.

That was when Anya wordlessly sliced open her own hand before doing the same to Lexa, making them _jus teina_ (blood tied) before leading her out of the village. She had explained to Lexa at the time that there were bunkers all over the _Trikru_ and the other allied lands designed for _natblida_ to go to ride out their heats and ruts safely undisturbed. It was a rite of passage for a _natblida_ to spend one’s first heat or rut in one of these bunkers, with their _fos_ guarding the entryway. If the _fos_ and _seken_ were of differing presentations, a blood bond was formed as quickly as possible to ensure that the _fos_ was able to protect their _seken_ even if they themselves were unmated. 

Because Lexa couldn’t just experience her heats in the tower, doing that could call to every alpha in Polis, and thus revealing her presentation to everyone, she had spent many heats in these lonely bunkers, sometimes with Anya standing watch outside, other times with Ezra. For a short period of time, she even had Costia to share them with. Until one day, she didn’t. And she was back to holing up by herself, incredibly wet, miserable, and empty.

Trying not to shudder, she slowed down enough that she and Clarke could walk side by side. The trek would take most of the day, and they were already about two-thirds of the way there. She knew the alpha’s pride would prevent her from saying so, but Clarke’s energy was waning. So as they slowed to a stroll, Lexa decided to distract her.

“Tell me, what was your first impression of Anya?”

“Anya?”

“Mmhmm”

“She was… imposing”

When Clarke didn’t elaborate, Lexa brought Clarke to a stop and raised an eyebrow. Clarke managed to have an opinion on just about everything, and those opinions generally amounted to more than a one-word description. Clarke started to cough before responding.

“Honestly, she scared the shit out of me.”

Now that got Lexa to smile. Her former _fos_ had that effect on seasoned _Trikru_ warriors. She could only imagine what the tall, blond alpha must have seemed like to malnourished, dirty teenagers.

“But from the start, it was impossible not to respect her.”

Lexa nodded and reached out for Clarke’s hand before continuing to walk. At first, Clarke seemed stiff, like she was afraid to relax the muscles of her arm as she was being led by Lexa further and further into the woods. But as they both walked in silence, just happy to be in each other’s presence without the leering eyes of the people around them, Clarke wrapped her fingers tighter in Lexa’s and even pulled up their entwined fingers to kiss the back of Lexa’s hand.

When they were about thirty minutes away from the bunker, Lexa started to feel cramps in her lower abdomen. She knew what that meant. She’d feel cramping all night that would morph into a burning sensation that traveled throughout her body and pooled between her legs by the morning. By tomorrow night, any clothes she was still wearing would feel unbearably stifling. And after a night of incredibly graphic sex dreams, she would be in full-blown heat by the following morning. Thoughts of what spending her heat with Clarke might be like sent shivers down her spine, and slick heat to pool in her small clothes. She knew arousal pheromones must have been seeping out of her scent glands. Knowing that Clarke must have been able to smell her made Lexa have to force back a groan.

But that was when Lexa remembered that she still had yet to ask Clarke if she even _wanted_ to spend her heat with her. She knew that after a certain point, the pheromones she would release would be almost impossible for Clarke to refuse. No, she had to ask her now. Lexa felt herself sweating, but it had nothing to do with her upcoming heat. She could smell her own nervous pheromones permeating the surrounding air. She had no idea how asking someone to share a heat went on the Ark, but she had a distinct feeling that bringing it up two days before it was going to happen probably was not how Clarke would be expecting it. If spending a heat with Lexa was ever something she wanted. After ducking under a particularly low branch, she sighed, centering herself as she watched Clarke mimic her movements.

“Clarke”

“Yeah”

“I need to ask you something.”

“Ohhh-kay”

“So my heat’s coming up. Soon. And I was wondering, if you wanted to that is…Would you like to spend it with me?”

Lexa hadn’t realized that they had both stopped in the middle of the trail. Now standing face to face. She had been staring at everything other than Clarke. The trees over her shoulder. The birds flying high. Basically, anything to avoid the rejection she knew awaited her when her eyes eventually made it back to Clarke’s face. When she finally sucked it up and made eye contact with Clarke, she didn’t see anger or disgust. A little crease appeared between Clarke’s eyebrows, but her eyes remained warm. She momentarily got distracted thinking about how much she loved that Clarke had that little crease when she was unsure.

“When?”

Knowing what Clarke was referring to, Lexa got right to the point.

“Judging from the cramps I am feeling right now, not tomorrow morning but the day after that.”

Clarke just closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening them. 

“So you waited until we were all alone, in the woods, where I likely could not get back to camp without your assistance, to ask me if I wanted to mate with you.”

“Not mate with you, just well, I mean, not that I wouldn’t ever want that, I do, just not right away.”

Realizing what she had just said, Lexa felt the blush creeping across her face and ears. Trying to recover, she quickly added, “I know that the politics of our _situation_ might make that impossible, and I completely understand if that’s not something you want. Plus, I was planning on coming out here anyway, seeing as it’s the closest heat bunker to camp. If you don’t want those dagger throwing lessons today, I completely understand. I would suggest we make it to the bunker and you could leave tomorrow morning. If you follow the trail back the way we came, one of my scouts will find you and escort you back to camp if that’s what you want.”

Lexa just held her breath as she held Clarke’s gaze. She saw Clarke’s eyes slip dangerously lower to her lips, her eyes beginning to dilate. Lexa knew what Clarke was thinking about, and with her heat coming so soon, her ability to control her own imagination was slipping. Alpha musk invaded the air Lexa was breathing in, her own arousal renewed from earlier. Seeing Clarke’s excitement at the prospect of being with her, _inside_ of her, made Lexa mewl out loud before she could push it back down into her throat. But then, she could smell Clarke coming back to herself before she saw it, as the arousal pheromones seemed to completely evaporate from the air.

Lexa turned her head away, attempting to hide her disappointment and shame from Clarke’s rejection. She cursed herself, thinking about her nineteen years of training and self-discipline, all out the window when it came to Clarke. But she felt her own body relax, and her own anxieties temporarily mollified as she began to smell soothing pheromones and realized that Clarke had placed a hand on her waist and brought her in close. Somehow, under all of Lexa’s armor, Clarke had found a way to wedge her nose into her scent gland. Such close contact made Lexa purr contentedly. She pulled Clarke flush to her body and found Clarke’s scent gland between her neck and shoulder. Without pushing Lexa away, Clarke had lifted her head again, trying to look into Lexa’s eyes. When Lexa realized what she wanted, she pulled herself begrudgingly away from the source of Clarke’s powerful scent.

“It’s not that I don’t want to, I do. You have no idea how much I really do.”

After hearing that, Lexa tried to look away again, but Clarke grabbed her chin and gently brought her eyes back to her.

“Hear me out. If we are going to do this, we have to be able to talk to each other, express what we are feeling, and set boundaries. I know that this could make both of us uncomfortable, but I want to make sure that when your heat is over, neither of us regrets something that happened. Does that make sense?”

Lexa tried to contain her excitement as she nodded. Clarke wanted this, wanted her. The most powerful alpha that she had ever been around picked her. She puffed out her chest a little knowing that this was something that they could share. Knowing that they needed to talk, Lexa also realized that they had been standing at the same place for more than fifteen minutes.

“Clarke, we are about thirty minutes from the bunker. How about we get there first, so we can get settled, and then we can figure all of this out.”

“That sounds like a plan. Lead the way.”

The smile that Clarke gave her made Lexa weak in the knees. Clarke was so beautiful. Lexa could gaze into her eyes for hours, they were so deep. And her smile felt like it was full of life, that it made it hard for Lexa to hold on to all of the burdens and stress that she had to carry day in and day out, at least for a few moments. When she finally remembered that Clarke was waiting for her to start moving again, she blushed before turning back towards the trail, each step one step closer to getting to spend more time with Clarke.

###

When the bunker had finally come into view, all of the nerves she thought had evaporated after her talk with Clarke seemed to creep right back in. Unlike when they were back at Camp or in TonDC, there weren’t any excuses to hide behind, no nearby guards that they had to be afraid could smell the pheromones being so close to Clarke usually drew out of her. There was only her own fear of intimacy getting in between what she desired and the hazy relationship that they had now.

Lexa had explained the purpose of the bunkers to Clarke along the way. She had gone back and forth in her head about telling her about her blood bond to Anya but ultimately decided to be as forthcoming as she could. Seeing as Anya was already dead, Lexa decided that the risk of telling her was lower at this point.

The bunker itself was almost completely hidden from the outside. Previous Commanders had purposely allowed overgrowth around these sites to prevent people from finding them who didn’t know where to look. At the same time, most had been outfitted with clothes, particularly extra undergarments of various sizes, preserved food, water, and weapons, mainly to defend oneself in case an unwanted predator or person trying to take advantage came too close. This one was built underground and had two metal doors that swung open and led to a ladder. The challenge was finding the doors themselves. They were covered by bushes planted behind it that had grown up and over them. When they reached the doors, she silently pushed the bushes up and yanked on the doors to pry them open. She dropped her pack down to the floor of the bunker and motioned for Clarke to hand over her own. Then she climbed down the dozen or so rungs that lead to the main space of the bunker. Clarke made it down shortly afterward.

Lexa had seen many bunkers throughout her time as both a novitiate and as _Heda,_ but this one had a weird sentimentality to it, being the one that Anya had taken her to so many years ago. It wasn’t the largest bunker she had ever seen. There was a small wooden table with two chairs. A bed that could fit two, albeit snuggly, covered in soft furs. An old dresser that contained clean clothes, Lexa had a feeling that she might need. Flint and firewood to light a fire in the fire pit outside and a fireplace with a chimney built in after _Praimfaya_. Cooking supplies. A small cabinet that contained various medicinal treatments. One, in particular, Lexa knew she might need during the coming days. She felt like the jar was boring into her eyes from across the tiny room, even with the cabinet door hiding it. A stark reminder of the talk they both knew had to happen, yet both of them were avoiding. Lexa sighed, it had been years since she had used this particular bunker, yet it was reassuring just how much it hadn’t changed. The bunker was small, but it was also one of the few places she still felt safe.

Lexa then turned her attention back to Clarke, who was standing in the center of the room, observing everything. Her pack still in her hands, as her eyes swept the space. Lexa realized that she had not even set her own stuff down. She went over to the bed, placing her neatly packed bag on it before walking over to one of the chairs tucked into the table. She then began taking her outer layers of armor off. She was glad that she left her pauldron back at Camp. It was much too obvious to take with her without having any additional guards. It’s not that she couldn’t take care of herself, but it had the intentional if at times inconvenient effect of always labeling her as _Heda_ , making her an easy target for assassins notching arrows from afar.

Lexa used the silence to get herself settled. She stripped down to a leather shirt, small clothes, and trousers, placing all of her weapons against the wall. As she turned around to face Clarke again, a sharp cramp that hit her like lightning in her lower abdomen and then spread throughout her entire body like lava overtaking her. She doubled over in pain, and before she had the chance to hear Clarke move, she was by her side, awkwardly trying to help her but not exactly sure what to do with her hands. She opted for Lexa’s arm before asking her what was wrong.

“I’m fine, just a pre-heat cramp.”

“Oh, okay. Well, do you still want to have that conversation now?”

“Yes, I think you were definitely right earlier. The clearer our heads are for this conversation, the more comfortable we will feel later. Also, I know we came out here with the pretense that I would teach you how to throw daggers, so how about we do that first thing tomorrow morning. To give us something to do, you know, instead of–”

“–sitting around waiting for your heat to start all day?”

Clarke was now smirking at her when Lexa nodded.

“I think that’s a good plan,” 

Lexa said through gritted teeth. Her cramping had receded somewhat, now remaining just in her lower abdomen, but still intense enough to make her wince when she tried to stand upright. At first, she considered asking Clarke if she could have a few minutes to wait for the pain to subside but she thought the better of it, knowing that working through the pain might honestly keep her from feeling too embarrassed about the conversation she knew had to happen, sooner rather than later.

While Clarke followed her lead to get settled, Lexa got a fire started inside. Neither of them was in the mood to go hunting, so they ate some of the dried provisions that they brought as well as some of the dried foods stored within the bunker. After they had both finished eating, Lexa stared over at the bed from her chair at the table. It was an ominous reminder of what she knew was inevitable. What she even knew she wanted. She realized too late that her nervousness must be present in her pheromones because without looking back at Clarke, she felt her grabbing her hand under the table. Lexa brought her gaze back to Clarke, whose expression was soft and patient. Soothing pheromones surrounded her, enveloping her skin and her pores with a sense of safety that made her omega preen. For the first time since they arrived at the bunker, the silence didn’t feel awkward or charged.

Seeing how attentive and patient Clarke was right before she entered her heat made Lexa incredibly grateful. She also marveled at just how much control Clarke seemed to have over her own nature. While it was true that Lexa was not in her heat just yet, she certainly was close, close enough that despite the occasional spike of other feelings coloring her scent, she knew there was no hiding the arousal, however subtle, that was a baseline. Sure, alphas often comforted their omegas before entering a heat, but that was almost always after they had already mated, _claiming_ one another in a previous heat or rut. Which brought Lexa to another thought. The sure handedness that Clarke had shown her made Lexa wonder if she had ever shared a heat with an omega before. She knew that the boy, the murderer Clarke called Fin, and she were involved, but she didn’t know if they ever shared a heat with one another. It certainly would have made what Clarke had to do to him that much more painful, even if no bite marks were exchanged, to harm an omega after spending a heat with them cuts at an alpha’s very nature to protect.

“I can hear you thinking” Clarke teased.

Lexa closed her eyes for a brief moment, thinking about how she would word the question on her mind. After some consideration, she opened her eyes again, breaking her clasped hand with Clarke, only to bring both of her hands on the table, keeping them open and available for Clarke to reach out and take again. With her eyes on her own hands, she took a deep breath.

“I know this is none of my business, but um,” Lexa looked back at Clarke’s eyes, briefly getting distracted by how beautifully blue they were. Realizing that she forgot to finish asking her question, she hastily proceeded.

“Have you ever _been with_ an omega during their heat before?”

To Lexa’s surprise, Clarke looked back at her sheepishly before replying.

“Well first off, being on the Ark where population control and therefore heat cycles were so tightly regulated, it’s hard to hide away with someone experiencing a heat without several adults knowing about it. Typically, most alphas and omegas were on rut and heat suppressants anyways, which don’t get rid of them entirely, but enough that a person could have one without worrying about heat crazes.”

Clarke let Lexa process all of that information before she slowly reached out her hands to clasp Lexa’s before continuing.

“And then we made it to the ground, all of us with implants of birth control, but no suppressants.”

Lexa tensed a little, dreading where this was going next.

“But to be honest, there hasn’t been anyone special enough in my life that I have wanted to share their heat with them. To be clear, I have been with omegas before, and betas, but never during a heat.”

Lexa worked to keep the relief out of her voice.

“Oh, okay.”

“How about you?”

“Um, well yes and no” Before Clarke could ask her to elaborate, Lexa continued, “Costia did help me through me heats, but she was a beta, so while I have been with someone before, never an alpha.”

Clarke’s eyes scrunched together, before she responded, “so have you ever been with an alpha before?”

“I have only ever been with Costia, so no.”

Clarke’s cheeks turned a pink hue before she turned her head to the side. Lexa was a little confused as to why Clarke seemed to be embarrassed all of a sudden before a sharp realization crossed her mind. She started releasing her own soothing pheromones before trying to get Clarke’s attention back.

“Clarke, look at me.”

Once Clarke’s eyes were back on hers, she continued.

“While I haven’t been with an alpha or a beta male before, I need you to know that my lack of certain experiences has more to do with my circumstance of avoiding being with anyone, for most of my life, than it does with avoiding people with certain, um, working parts.”

The slight tilt of Clarke’s lips made Lexa know that she was getting through to her.

“Well, that’s not entirely true. I haven’t ever found males of any presentation attractive. While they make great soldiers, most of the beta males I know are less interesting than sawdust, and most of the alpha males reek, like regardless of how dominant their scents are, where they are in their rut cycles, the scent itself often makes me want to run in the opposite direction.”

Clarke laughed, and Lexa couldn’t help but beam back at her.

“And know this, I didn’t come out all this way with you because of or despite your presentation. I came out here because I want _you_. Does that make sense?”

When Clarke nodded at her, Lexa took a deep breath and nodded back at her.

“Good.”

“Lexa?”

“Yes, Clarke”

“I have a question that is related to this”

Lexa nods encouragingly back at her.

“I know that when we are _doing things_ , we might get caught up in everything, so I wanted to ask how you felt about knotting.”

“Knotting?”

“Yeah, me knotting you. Being tied.”

Clarke’s blush returned with a vengeance, this time spreading to her ears and down her neck. Lexa wasn’t faring much better, especially after having to have Clarke spell it out to her. Lexa found her gaze slip back to the bed, not too far behind Clarke’s chair. Images of herself, on all fours, presenting to _her_ alpha while Clarke had her hands-on Lexa’s hips, pulling them towards her as she pushes her own forward, knot straining to fit all of herself inside.

Lexa felt her center heat up, but not from the cramps, but from anticipation at being with Clarke. She could feel her underwear getting wet. She could smell her own arousal surrounding them in the small bunker. It wasn’t long before she smelled Clarke’s own alpha pheromones responding. She dared a look back at Clarke, and her pupils had almost completely blown. Lexa didn’t realize that her mouth had been watering until she saw Clarke take a particularly large swallow herself.

Realizing that they had both gotten themselves off track. Lexa closed her eyes and took a steadying breath before clearing her throat. Opening her eyes again, she looked back at Clarke, who had taken a deep breath herself.

“I am not opposed to it if that’s what you are asking,” Lexa said, trying to separate herself from as much of the sexual tension from before as she could.

“Okay”

“How about we see how we feel in the moment?”

“If you are sure, I don’t ever want to do something that you don’t want to do or would make you uncomfortable.”

“Believe me, that shouldn’t be a problem”, Lexa chuckled a little, trying not to sound too uncomfortable.

“I know we talked about mating, or rather that we weren’t going to do that.”

When Clarke nodded again her understanding, Lexa brought up what she thought was the last elephant in the room.

“So I know you said something about, birth control,”

“Yes”

“I think I know what you mean, but could you explain a little further.”

“Sure, so typically we all get implants shortly after we present, they are usually in the arm, and they release hormones that basically prevent female betas and omegas from getting pregnant. My understanding is that the ones for alphas and beta males work a little differently but basically they make it so that if I, ah, finish inside of a person,” Clarke looked away briefly, cheeks still pink from before, “nothing happens, so even in an omega’s heat, regardless of whether or not you have your own birth control, you won’t get pregnant.”

“Oh, okay.”

Lexa narrows her eyes and smirks before continuing, “so basically that was all just an explanation for how you plan on as you say, finishing, inside of me.”

Clarke rolls her eyes, “I mean, when you put it in those terms, I guess what I was really trying to say was there’s one less thing for us to worry about.”

Lexa squeezes Clarke’s hands with her own before reassuring Clarke, “relax, I was just poking fun at you, alpha.” They both smiled at each other before Lexa continued.

“I’m glad we could have this talk, you know, while we still could, effectively.”

“Me too.”

Lexa turned around in her seat, seeing how much the fire had died down, knowing that they should get to bed soon.

“Well, I think we should prepare for bed. I could take the ground if you want to take the bed.”

“Absolutely not. You should take the bed. You are the one in heat and therefore going to be the most uncomfortable.”

Lexa wanted to fight with her, but Clarke had already taken one of the pillows off of the bed as well as one of the spare furs and began making a makeshift nest on the ground. The exhaustion that came from pre-heat seemed to hit Lexa all at once as she decided not to press Clarke anymore. Instead, she added more logs to the fire to keep them warm at night before climbing into bed herself.

“Goodnight, Clarke”

“Goodnight, Lexa”

Lexa thought about their conversation earlier, and for the first time since before Costia died, she fell asleep smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading guys! As always, leave feedback in the comments!


	5. Stymied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Staying apart at night will prove to be more difficult than the two originally thought, Lexa gets cheeky with Clarke at breakfast and then they do the "tropeiest" of all troupe-y things (Lexa shows Clarke how to throw knives, has to get up close and personal to correct her form, tension ensues)...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, this isn't the heat chapter, that's the next one. I'm letting everyone know before they read this chapter to avoid getting to the end only to be disappointed. All of that aside, I am pleasantly surprised with how this one came out. There's a lot of flirting in this chapter and pent up sexual tension, the best kind of sexual tension. Also, I am so flattered to have gotten over 150 kudos!

**Clarke**

Clarke woke up a couple of hours after falling asleep. After a brief moment of disorientation, she caught her bearings. She was still on the ground in the corner of the bunker, now on her right side, but instead of being wrapped up in furs, she was on top of them now, hot and sweaty. And with her back against the wall, she realized that the reason she couldn’t fall on her stomach was that there was a body sandwiching her to the wall. A naked body. A naked omega body close to her heat. _So that’s why I’m roasting_ , she thought to herself despite only wearing her small clothes in the cooler air and the fire that had died down.

Clarke sighed, she needed to get up and cool off if she ever hoped to get back to sleep, but she also knew that there was no way that she was going to be able to do that without disturbing the furnace whose back was nudged up against her chest. She brought her left hand first to Lexa’s tiny waist.

Before Clarke could subtly move Lexa forward enough to give her the space to get up, Lexa let out a sinister moan in her sleep that had Clarke almost panting. Lexa, conveniently still asleep, forced herself impossibly closer to Clarke’s front by forcing her hips to be flush with Clarke’s.

A twitch down south brought Clarke’s attention to what she had been hoping not to find, but deep down, she knew exactly what had extended itself. Clarke used her right hand to ease between their hips to feel for what she couldn’t see. A pitched tent didn’t really do justice to what she felt there. Clarke was rock hard. Fighting every urge she had to stroke herself, she anchored her right arm down under Lexa’s right hip. Her beautiful wide hips that only fell short of her glorious backside that was now rubbing against her crotch...

_Focus Griffin!_

But it was too late for that. Lexa had entwined their right hands together and brought them to just above her public bone. Clarke could feel the heat radiating from Lexa’s core. Clarke didn’t need to feel how hot Lexa was to know that Lexa was farther along in her cycle than she had initially led on; her smell had become incredibly more intense. Either that or their shared scents had pushed her even closer.

The thought made her hips involuntarily buck forward.

“Mmmm”

Lexa moaned again before snaking her left hand behind Clarke’s neck to bring her head forward as she turned her head to the side, as close to Clarke’s ear as possible.

“You feel so good inside, Klark.”

Clarke knew that Lexa must have still been asleep, seeing as they were sinfully close yet still not _together,_ at least for now. As much as she drooled over the sweet smell emanating from Lexa’s scent glands, and the good feeling she had at being this close, Clarke was relieved she still had the thin barrier of boxers in between their wanting bodies. It gave her the strength to push Lexa harder away this time in her shoulder.

While it gave her the space she needed to get up, it also woke a very confused Lexa up.

“Klark?”

Lexa said groggily before looking around the room and realizing that she was no longer on the bed. She sat up, eyes wide, and tried to find something to cover herself with. Clarke being the gentle-alpha that her mother raised her to be, pulled her tank top off and gave it to Lexa to wear.

As soon as she had it on, Lexa closed her eyes and took in a slow breath, as if she was trying to memorize Clarke’s scent. Clarke coughed in a foolish attempt to bring Lexa out of her musings.

“Hey Lexa”

“ _Hei”_

“I didn’t mean to startle you. I just woke up scalding only to find that I wasn’t alone in my makeshift bed.”

In the dark, it was difficult to tell, but Clarke was pretty sure she saw a sheepish expression creeping up on Lexa’s face.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t remember coming down here. I must’ve felt hot or uncomfortable... your scent makes me feel safe.”

Lexa looked away as if she was afraid that her admission would anger or even put off Clarke. But Clarke just sat up, mirroring Lexa’s position and grabbed her hands. They just stayed that way for a few minutes, while Clarke used her thumb to rub circles into the back of Lexa’s hands, trying to soothe her.

“If that’s the case, then how about we both sleep in the bed so at least we can be more comfortable?”

“I’d like that very much.”

“Good”

Without any further discussion, Clarke led Lexa back to the bed, where both of them laid on top of the furs. Clarke was on her back with Lexa cradled on her front, resting against Clarke’s chin. Still hot, but at least without her back literally against the wall, Clarke found herself falling asleep with her nose buried in Lexa’s hair.

###

Clarke woke up the next morning with a sense of peace. Lexa’s scent was all over the bed. Clarke knew she was exactly where she was supposed to be. At least, that’s how she felt until she realized that Lexa herself was not with her.

Rushing to sit up, Clarke scanned the room only to realize that Lexa was not in the bunker at all. All of her instincts were telling her to find and protect the omega she felt so drawn to that she almost forgot to throw on a shirt and her boots before climbing the ladder.

When she reached the doors of the bunker, she pushed them up and open. After fighting the bushes hiding the entryway, she blinked several times to get used to the bright sky after the relative darkness of the bunker. For a brief thirty seconds, she appreciated the fresh air compared to the relative stuffiness of the bunker. That is, until like a bolt of lightning, Lexa’s heat scent drew her in like a bloodhound to her target, and all of a sudden, the idea of being entrapped with only the air that they shared sounded like the best idea Clarke ever had.

Lexa had two rabbits freshly caught and skinned on spits roasting over the bonfire right outside the bunker. Clarke only needed to breathe in her scent once to know that she was closer than ever to her heat. She was amazed that Lexa was able to not only put clothes on, but leave the bunker, hunt, and prepare food.

Although to be fair, calling Lexa fully dressed was a bit of an overstatement. She had on a chest binding, typical of many grounder women, according to Octavia, who, at one point, was trying to convince Clarke that she should make the switch from her bras. But what shocked Clarke was Lexa’s choice in bottoms. Strutting around like it was no big deal in the one extra pair of boxers that Clarke brought with her. Clarke couldn’t even be mad. The alternative would have been a pair of Lexa’s own pants, and while they were form-fitting, getting a view of how the sun hit her tanned legs in pre-heat glow was a huge turn on. The band of her boxers was just below her navel, making it impossible for Clarke not to appreciate the omega’s abs. The look, if you could call it that, was complete with her own leather boots and the arrow and quiver strung to back. 

While on the one hand, Clarke’s alpha was distressed that she felt the need to go out and risk exposing herself, both literally and figuratively to unmated alphas that could be in the area, on the other, she was incredibly pleased that her future mate was so strong and self-sufficient. _Wait, did I just call her my future mate?_ Clarke shivered and shook her head at the thought. This was just one heat cycle that they were sharing. With the cruel lives they lived, there were no guarantees. At least, that’s what she told herself, for now.

As Clarke took her first step over to her, Lexa turned around and beamed. Her high cheekbones accentuated as her smile went from ear to ear. Her eyes were alight and exuded incredible warmth. Sometime between when she went to bed and now, Lexa had taken out her intricate braids and opted for a long, thick single braid down her back.

_She is so beautiful._

_“Sonop”_ (Morning)

“ _Os sonop,_ _Klark”_ (Good morning, Clarke)

“It smells delicious, Lexa, but you didn’t have to do this,” Clarke motioned to the rabbits still roasting on the fire. “We could’ve eaten some of the provisions we brought with us."

Lexa studied her a moment before responding, “I wanted to, plus I was hoping to save those provisions for later. We don’t exactly know how long we will be here, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t have plans to leave the bunker once we, _ah_ , get started.”

“Oh. Right.” Clarke brought her left hand behind her neck and chuckled nervously.

“How are you feeling?” Clarke asked.

“Better than last night, I am having cramps, which are happening more often, but I am not as hazy as I began to feel in the evening and early this morning. I think the fresh air has been helpful.”

Lexa was biting her bottom lip and avoiding Clarke’s gaze.

“Lexa”

“Yes, Clarke”

“Please be honest with me. I just want to help you. You know, in any way that I can.”

Despite Clarke’s best efforts to maintain a serious facial expression, the cheekiest grin crept on her face of its own volition. Any uncertainty previously on Lexa’s face had evaporated, and instead, she arched one of her eyebrows and pursed her lips. They both stood this way for a moment before bursting into laughter.

As if she wasn’t perfect enough, Lexa’s laughter was the most musical sound. She had heard some chuckling here and there before, but this was unrestrained and made Clarke’s heart feel so full, even if she wasn’t able to put that into words just yet.

After their laughter had died down, Clarke tried asking her again, “seriously, aside from stealing my boxers when I was conveniently asleep,” Clarke playfully intoned, “where are you at?”

“It’s coming, probably earlier than I thought, maybe tonight, maybe a little earlier. And, as far as the boxers go, I knew you probably wouldn’t appreciate me coming out here naked, but I’m at the point where just about anything touching my skin is uncomfortable, so I thought instead of frankly ruining a pair of my pants, I’d–”

“–ruin a pair of my boxers, thanks for that.”

Lexa furrowed her brows a little, smirked, and placed both hands on her hips before replying, “as if you’re going to wash these.”

Clarke exaggerated a sigh before walking closer to Lexa. When she offered her hand out, and Lexa took it, she had to control the muscles in her face to hide her shock. Lexa's skin was sweaty and boiling to the touch.

_Better than last night, my ass._

Now Clarke had never experienced a heat before, so she couldn’t speak from experience, but from the sex education she had had on the Ark, she knew that Lexa was probably going to transition into full-blown heat by this afternoon.

But rather than pointing it out, Clarke pushed out soothing hormones to help center her before stroking the back of her hand with her thumb, and bringing her hand to her lips and kissing it.

“We can handle this together.”

Lexa looked at her gratefully and nodded before bringing her attention back to the rabbits roasting on the fire.

“The rabbits look just about done, what do you say we eat breakfast, then try to go over some basic moves and then check-in from there?”

“In this case, I’ll follow your lead.” 

###

After they had finished eating, Lexa took Clarke about twenty minutes away from the bunker to a lake. The lake didn’t seem large enough to contain mutant sea snakes, and she could see the edge all away around, but it did appear large enough to swim in. But the real reason that they were there was the three posts with targets on them facing parallel to the edge of the lake. They were scattered at various distances. Clarke got the sense that these posts could be used both for training and competitions.

At about ten feet away, Lexa put her pack down and reached for a thin rectangular case that seemed to roll-up on itself. When Lexa unrolled it so that it was flat on the ground, Clarke saw about a dozen different knives, each different shapes, some with intricate hilts, others very plain. Lexa pulled the farthest one on the left out before presenting it to Clarke. It was the plainest one.

“For training and competition, the goal is to throw the knife at a stationary object. For safety reasons, this knife, and all knives that we will practice with, have no sharp edges, just sharp points. Feel this, Clarke.”

Lexa handed the knife over to Clarke. Not really knowing what Lexa expected her to do with it, she weighed it in her hand, attempting to look like she was getting a feel for it. Then she felt the edge of it and realized that it was thick and duller than she had expected. Satisfied with her own assessment, she handed it back to Lexa.

“Now this isn’t what I would call the prettiest knife I own. But, during festivals and competitions, this is the knife I use. I know its weight the best, I know exactly how far away I need to stand to hit my target effectively, and should it bend or get damaged, it is much easier to replace.”

Lexa then took the two knives originally closest to where she pulled out the first knife. They were also plain knives. Once she had all three, Lexa started walking towards the posts. But when she kept walking past them, Clarke was confused. When she caught up with her, she realized that Lexa was taking her to a different post, this log appeared to be a softer wood, and it had a much larger diameter.

“Now, those targets back there are mainly for competitions and accuracy. Since our goal today is just form, we need a target that is large and soft. Does that make sense?”

“I think so.”

“Good.”

Lexa flashed Clarke a small smile, clearly comfortable and in her element, despite her current condition. Once again, Clarke was confronted with just how special Lexa was. Hours before the onset of her heat, she was able to separate her own needs from the task at hand. A small voice in the back of her head told her that could only have happened through rigorous training and self-discipline. How much of a childhood could Lexa have had for her to be so capable of mastering this level of compartmentalization at such a young age?

“For our purposes, we are going to focus on the most basic throw, a half rotation.”

Lexa lined up about six feet from her target. Clarke was about four feet to Lexa’s left and observing her get into position.

“A couple of rules for positioning yourself. First, you have to keep your body relaxed. You will be more consistent that way. Second, you need to stand up straight, and thirdly, you need to keep your dominant foot in front with your other foot slightly behind it.”

While Lexa was explaining this, Clarke really did try to pay attention. It was a good effort, at least she thought so. But then, all she saw was Lexa’s bronzed skin glistening with sweat, her legs built like a dancer’s. She really had the most beautiful collar bones Clarke had ever seen. What really took her off track was when the wind started blowing against her face, and she realized that Lexa’s pheromones had gotten much sweeter than even this morning when they were eating breakfast, in fact––

“Clarke, are you even paying attention?”

Clarke tried her best to get the glazed look off of her face, but it was too late she had been caught red-handed. The exasperation dripping off of Lexa’s face made Clarke bite her bottom lip and sheepishly focus her eyes on the rotting tree being used as their target.

“I got it, stay relaxed, stand up straight, and non-dominant ahead of dominant, right?”

“Dominant in front.”

“Exactly.”

Lexa just rolled her eyes before continuing her lesson.

“Next, we will go over how to properly hold the knife. It is important to hold it with thumb flat against the handle, while your fingers wrap around the handle. The meat of your thumb should be covering your fingers.”

She motioned for Clarke to come over so she could show her how to hold it properly in her hand.

“Now stand back, and watch me put it all together.”

Clarke returned to her previous position and watched Lexa, about six feet from the target land every single knife in the center of the post in a row.

“Wow.”

Clarke just stared at Lexa, dumbstruck. Of course, she saw her throw her hunting knife into Quint’s hand a little over a week ago, but that was when her adrenaline was all over the place, and she couldn’t fully appreciate what she had just seen. There was something about the calm precision of Lexa throwing three knives in a row that turned Clarke on.

“Okay, we are going to have you try now,” Lexa said before walking over to the post to retrieve all three knives.

Clarke walked to about six feet away from the post and mirrored Lexa’s stance, with her left foot in front, of course. She gripped the knife the way Lexa had instructed her to, but when she went to position her arm, she realized that she was unsure exactly how the knife should be facing. When she asked for help, Lexa walked behind her so she could get her shoulder and elbow into position.

“So your arm isn’t going to externally rotate. Keep your muscles flexed, with the handle pointing towards the sky and the blade facing you.”

When Clarke was still having trouble getting it right, Lexa reached out to move her arm. Unfortunately for the both of them, that put Lexa within inches of Clarke’s left scent gland. All Clarke could do was hold her breath, being within such proximity to Lexa at this point might end with her pinning Lexa to the tree instead of the knife.

Clarke closed her eyes when she heard Lexa gasp behind her. She didn’t dare turn her head, for fear that the heat crazed look on Lexa’s face could do both of them in. So instead, she stared straight ahead at the rotting tree.

Through gritted teeth, she said, “Lexa, I think you should stand to the side so I can throw the knife now.”

When she didn’t hear anything, and instead felt Lexa place her forehead on the back of her head, she relented and took her own deep breath.

_Big mistake._

Clarke had never smelled Lexa in quite this pure form before. And she didn’t just mean her heat smell. All omegas smelled sweet during their heats. By definition, they give off that smell to attract alphas. But even two days ago, in Lexa’s tent, when she had taken off her armor, Ezra’s smell had seeped into her skin.

Amongst all of the sweetness, the honeysuckle, and notes of peaches, she smelled hints of lilies of the valley mixed in with her shared base scents of pine, earthy soil, and fresh rain. Too subtle to just be a heat scent yet easily hidden when she had to hide under Ezra’s similar, yet muskier scent. Still, the sweetness began to call Clarke’s alpha to do one thing: _claim_.

Clarke took one step forward to separate herself from Lexa, before she did something that they both would regret, and said, “I think we should stop, at least for today.”

After Clarke stepped forward, Lexa was able to come back to herself enough to respond,

“I think that’s probably a good idea.”

Wordlessly, Clarke and Lexa walked back to their stuff lying out closer to the three competition posts. Lexa placed the three knives in the same order she had them in originally before rolling up the bag and putting it back in her pack. To Clarke’s surprise, Lexa didn’t fight her when she offered to take both her and Lexa’s packs on her back.

The walk back took almost twice as long. While at first, Lexa was trying to walk back at a normal pace, after only about five minutes, Clarke could tell each step was becoming excruciating. The fabric of her boxers, however soft, was in the way nonetheless. Eventually, Clarke picked her up bridal style when they still had about ten minutes to go. She knew her scent would be comforting, at least until they got back to the bunker. When Lexa started purring on the way back, Clarke knew she had made the right decision.

It was only ten to fifteen minutes of walking with Lexa in her arms, but Clarke had to wake Lexa up to bring her down the ladder of the bunker. As soon as they were safely inside, the cooler temperature of the underground bunker seemed to calm Lexa down, at least a little bit. Clarke guided her to the bed, where she knew Lexa would remain for the final stage of preparation. As an omega prepared for their heat, they get increasingly tired and tend to sleep for several hours in preparation for the extended period of wakefulness and energy expenditure necessary to undergo a heat. Clarke knew that in a couple of hours, Lexa would wake up incredibly horny and desperate for an alpha to claim her if not permanently, at least for this heat.

After Clarke was convinced that Lexa was safe and taken care of, for the time being, she went to grab her sketchbook and make her way out of the bunker. But before she could take the first rung of the ladder, a quiet voice rang out,

“Clarke, stay. Stay with me, please.”

Clarke walked back over to the bed and put a hair that was stuck to Lexa’s face behind her ear before saying,

“I’m not leaving you. I am just going to sit outside for a couple of hours while you take a nap. I promise I will be right here.”

After kissing Lexa on the forehead, she climbed the ladder and found a comfortable spot on one of the logs surrounding the campfire to place her sketchbook on her lap. She then took a deep breath of fresh air and got to work.

###

After a couple of hours and about ten sketches, Clarke realized that all of her drawings ended up just becoming pictures of Lexa. She convinced herself it wasn’t intentional. Even when she tried to draw what was directly in front of her, the campfire, for instance, she would end up drawing the rabbits on the spits from her memory earlier. And that would lead to drawing the person who placed the rabbits on the spits in the first place. Clarke wasn’t sure if it was the heat pheromones getting to her, or just the way Lexa made her feel, but something about her prevented Clarke from thinking about anything else. When for the twelfth time she drew Lexa, this time on her throne, Clarke decided to close her sketchbook.

When the breeze downwind of the bunker hit her, Clarke felt herself immediately change. _My omega is ready. I must make my claim._ Before she went down into the bunker, she saturated her hands with her own scent and marked the trees closest to the entrance to the bunker. Somewhere in her rational brain, she remembered learning on the Ark that alphas typically did this to ward off other alphas from responding to the call an omega was making during their heat. If another alpha felt that they were stronger than the current alpha staking a claim, it gave the challenger a chance to assess how they stacked up. Such territorial displays seemed ridiculous at the time. But, now, as Clarke felt herself satisfactorily walk around the campsite one more time, she realized how ridiculous she was to ever think that the evolved people on the Ark were different than the people from before the bombs.

Clarke hurried back to the bunker, pried open the doors, and immediately felt her the hood of her clit extend completely to its full size, hard and ready. _Here goes nothing_ , she thought to herself as she got closer and closer to her omega with each rung of the ladder.

Once she got to the last rung and put both feet on the ground, she tentatively called out,

“Lexa?”

Still charged with energy, Clarke felt her body tense, as if prepared to pounce whether it was on Lexa or a potential challenger, Clarke felt the need to be ready all the same. When she finally stepped into the room proper, what she saw took her breath away.

Lexa was sitting up, on the bed, completely naked, covered in sweat, smelling so sweet, Clarke couldn’t swallow her own drool fast enough. Lexa was leaning against the wall that the bed was against for support while she had two fingers halfway inside her vagina, thumb circling her clitoris. She was moaning, with her eyes closed, until they weren’t.

Lexa’s eyes fluttered open lazily, and when they focused on Clarke, paralyzed with excitement and also indecision about what to do first, she tilted her chin towards Clarke as if to challenge her, before saying,

“Are you just going to stand there and watch, or are you going fuck me?”

And with that, Clarke saw red and pounced on her prey. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading guys! Please feel free to give feedback in the comments!


	6. Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well here we are, I know this is what y'all came here for ;) 
> 
> This one was difficult to write and I had some things that kept me from writing during part of it. I'm nervous to hear what you guys think. Just to give people a brief idea, yes it's graphic, no there isn't any lapse of consent and there is some cuddling at the end. 
> 
> Also, I start on ICU for the next month so expect at least a couple of days in between updates from now on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random side note. In almost all of these ABO stories where there is a female alpha, I have noticed that at least in the way they are being described, almost all the penises are circumcised. Which if anyone knows anything about how circumcision works kind of seems improbable even if it's not impossible. I get it, by definition, there is a lot of suspension of disbelief in these stories anyway but I just kind of think it's weird. 
> 
> All of which is to say, Clarke is not. This doesn't factor in too much to the story, just thought I'd give people a heads up.

**Lexa**

As soon as Clarke left the bunker, Lexa took off the boxers and chest binding she had been wearing all day. Even still, she felt like she was in a room over 100º. When she did eventually fall asleep, her dreams were filled with graphic images. Her being filled in every which way by different people. Sometimes it was with alphas she knew and recognized other times, there were no faces at all. For the first time in over a year, regardless of where she was in her heat cycle, she saw Costia in dreams she had tried to get rid of long ago. Lexa knew deep down, that when this was all over, she would have to reckon with seeing her again, even if it was just in her heat crazed dreams. But the overwhelming majority of her dreams were of Clarke. Clarke touching her, licking her, penetrating her. 

When Lexa woke up, she was covered in a layer of sweat, and her core was soaked. This was it. She had started her heat. Her body was on fire. It was all she could do but run up the ladder and drag Clarke down there to assuage her need. She pushed her scent out, signaling to any alpha within range that there was an unmated omega in heat, looking for someone to take her through it. Of course, she wanted Clarke, but at this point, unable to climb the ladder herself, she needed someone to take away the utter emptiness she felt.

Lexa sat up with her back against the wall of the bunker, spreading her legs wide, and began to touch her over-sensitive, engorged folds. She knew after being in such close contact with an alpha she was attracted to, it wouldn't be enough, but she needed to find some way to take the edge off. As she was stroking herself, she closed her eyes and imagined it was Clarke touching her, kissing her, loving her. She felt her insides straining to hold on to something, so while she kept touching her clit with one thumb, she went to insert one finger inside herself. She was amazed at how even the thought of Clarke being with her had primed her so well. She could easily insert two fingers and started thrusting them immediately.

She was so engrossed in the image of Clarke, naked, hard, and waiting for her, that when she heard a noise near the entrance of the bunker, she convinced herself that she had imagined it. She was already close to her first orgasm, even if self-induced. The possibility that she only imagined the doors opening, that once again, she would spend another heat alone was too much to bear.

But then a powerful musk permeated her senses, that devastating combination of saltwater, sunshine, and metal, and now mixed with _intense arousal_ , Lexa knew her ears hadn't played tricks on her.

_Clarke! She came back to me._

Lexa opened her eyes, and in front of her was the most beautiful girl she had ever seen. Clarke's pupils were completely blown, her shorts already showing a growing bulge. Clarke was hard for her. Lexa was so ready to share this part of herself, but it went beyond that. She _needed_ Clarke to be with her, _inside_ of her. But something about the way Clarke was frozen made Lexa realize that she was going to have to take the first step.

With her fingers still inside, her thumb tracing her clitoris back and forth, she pointed her chin out towards Clarke and said,

“Are you just going to stand there and watch, or are you going fuck me?”

Even in her heat crazed mind, Lexa was amazed that Clarke, still about six or seven steps away from the bed, had completely stripped her clothes off until she was as naked as the day she was born. Without saying anything, she climbed onto her knees and kneeled in front of Lexa, who at this point was still sitting on the bed with her back against the wall. Clarke slowly grabbed Lexa’s hand currently still penetrating herself, then the other hand, and motioned for her to come up to a kneeling position to match her.

There was very little light in the bunker, Lexa had been unable to light any candles in her condition so all they had was the little light that was coming through the chimney into the fireplace. But after being in the bunker for several hours, Lexa’s eyes had adjusted enough to give her the outline of Clarke’s body. She desperately wanted to touch her, _everywhere_ , but Clarke was still holding her hands.

Lexa was about to release a playful growl when Clarke dropped her hands only to grab her waist and pull her closer. When Clarke’s lips touched hers, it felt both explosive and cathartic. All of the stress from the past few months not to mention the built-up tension between herself and Clarke, finally finding a release valve.

Lexa leaned into the kiss, licking at the seam of Clarke’s lips until they opened. She began to taste the inside of Clarke’s mouth and from the first moment, she wanted more. While her lips and tongue were busy, she began to feel the muscles of Clarke’s back. As she was doing that, she heard Clarke moan, which only egged her on further, so she moved to Clarke’s lower back, then her hips. As she was trying to get to Clarke’s lower abdomen to feel for a certain appendage, Clarke immediately stopped moving her tongue and grabbed Lexa’s hands. When Lexa initially resisted, Clarke growled, which made Lexa immediately turn her head to the side in submission.

Clarke huffed, "you don’t have to submit to me, just let me take care of you."

Clarke released Lexa’s hands and then pushed Lexa’s head slightly forward and down so Clarke could kiss her forehead. Clarke then started to move towards the foot of the bed before saying,

“Lay down for me.”

Lexa hated to admit it, but she spent the vast majority of every day not only emulating alphas but giving orders to other people. Being told what to do in this case caused her to release a flood of wetness. She enthusiastically fell on her back with her head on one of the pillows. Clarke spread her legs so that she could put her own legs in between them. That’s when she went back up to Lexa’s lips to kiss her, this time it was Clarke taking the lead, probing deep into the Lexa’s mouth. The sensation couldn’t help but make her think about what was to come, and so she felt herself release another wave of wetness.

Clarke had started to play with Lexa’s nipples using both hands as she started to kiss lower down her jaw. The feeling of Clarke’s fingers pulling on each nipple made Lexa gasp, and Clarke smiled into the kisses she was planting now down Lexa’s neck. When she reached one of Lexa’s scent glands just above her clavicle, Clarke sucked, hard enough to leave a bruise and enough to drive Lexa wild. Clarke then began to plant kisses across both clavicles before coming back to the center and kissing between her breasts.

Clarke removed her left hand from Lexa’s right nipple in time for Clarke to lick her areola before bringing her nipple into her mouth to suck. With her now free left hand, she grabbed Lexa’s right hand and entwined them as she continued to do wonderfully dangerous things with her tongue and lips. At one point, she lightly took the nipple in between her teeth, which caused Lexa to yelp.

Clarke immediately released the nipple and Lexa couldn’t help but fall in love with the concerned face she was making, but all she could do was gasp out.

“Don’t stop.”

Clarke, always dutiful, went back to her ministrations, before switching to Lexa’s left nipple. After a while, Clarke kissed in between her breasts again before slowly kissing down her stomach. She kissed her belly button three times before scooting a little farther down the bed. Lexa had to prevent herself from squealing in anticipation as Clarke curled her arms under Lexa’s thighs and pulled her closer towards her face.

But to Lexa’s dismay, Clarke did not go straight for the center. She kissed down one inner thigh before doing the same to the other thigh. Then she breathed on Lexa’s sex before going back to the first thigh.

If Lexa weren’t in heat, she was sure this would have felt amazing, but she was beginning to feel impatient. Even as Clarke began sucking so hard, Lexa was sure she’d have bruises along the insides of her thighs, Lexa was aching in her core. When there was no end in sight, Lexa sighed,

“Clarke quit playing around.”

But Clarke chuckled lightly and continued leaving marks all along her inner thighs while her hands were massaging her outer thighs and butt. Frustrated, Lexa let out a light growl. To which Clarke let out an even louder growl.

“ _Be patient.”_

Which caused Lexa to release even more arousal. When Clarke still hadn’t touched her center, Lexa let out a small mewl before exclaiming,

“Damn it, Clarke, if you aren’t going to touch me, I might as well just fuck myself.”

Which was exactly the right thing for her to say, because, within a nanosecond, Clarke had two fingers inside of her. _Finally, something to grab on to_. Lexa thought to herself. Before long, Clarke had her mouth on her clit, and as far as Lexa was concerned, Clarke was a master. While she had set a relentless pace with her fingers, she was carefully trying out different ways of using her lips and tongue to generate to greatest satisfaction out of Lexa. But to be honest, it was all great. She especially liked it when Clarke put her clit between her tongue and her front teeth. The slight twinge made her see stars all while Clarke was hitting the glorious spot on her front wall.

Lexa was struggling to find words when eventually she coughed out, “ _More”_ to which Clarke responded by adding a third finger.

Between Clarke’s fingers and her tongue, Lexa’s climax was edging towards the surface. Her breathing was becoming increasingly labored. She felt her back begin to arch and the muscles in her legs and thighs contract and relax. And then, as if she wasn’t in control of her own body, she clamped her thighs around Clarke’s ears. The air was caught in her lungs as she whispered,

“Clarke, I’m _sooo_ close.”

The last word came out more like a whine than a whisper. But Clarke was relentless. And as if all at once, every cell in Lexa’s body was ablaze. She felt everything and nothing. She felt helpless under her powerful alpha’s spell as she held her breath and kept all of her muscles tense. Her pelvis was almost completely off of the bed, her powerful thigh muscles keeping Clarke trapped exactly where she needed her. When she finally relaxed back into the bed, she felt Clarke slow down her ministrations, a smile on her face as she looked back up at Lexa. And Lexa felt a lazy smile creep up on her own face as she rode each aftershock.

“Oh my god, that was amazing.”

Clarke remained in between her legs. Lexa just stared in awe as Clarke slowly inserted her fingers into her mouth, cleaning every last drop of Lexa’s arousal off. The sight had Lexa dripping wet all over again.

“Careful, you keep doing that, and I am just going to stay down here between your legs for the next few days.”

Lexa got herself up into a sitting position, hardly sated, with a renewed sense of need, she reached for Clarke, who also got into a sitting position between her legs. Lexa grabbed Clarke’s face and planted a wet kiss on Clarke’s lips, tasting herself as she deepened the kiss. When she released the kiss, her hands still on either side of Clarke’s face as she whispered,

“No, I need you _inside_ me now.”

In the hazy light, Lexa watched as a wicked grin appeared on Clarke’s face as she began stroking herself. Which brought all of Lexa’s attention downwards. Lexa felt for Clarke’s hand, before delicately removing it so she could pleasure Clarke herself. She found the base of Clarke’s penis, engorged and thick. The image of Clarke bottoming out inside of her came to mind, and she felt herself releasing another wave of arousal. She used her hand to travel up Clarke's dick, the skin not quite like anything she had felt before. When she reached the foreskin, Clarke’s hips jerked forward into her hand. Lexa began pulling the foreskin up and down as Clarke began to groan. She then kept it down to fully appreciate the head of her dick, already covered in copious amounts of precum. Lexa touched her fingers to her lips, curious about the taste. When it reached her tongue, she couldn’t help but smile, for Clarke tasted almost exactly like she smelled, only it was richer than she could have anticipated. She vowed to taste more of Clarke’s dick, if not today, later on in her heat. But right now, her sole goal was to get all glorious eight inches of Clarke’s veiny penis inside of her.

With Clarke on her knees in between Lexa’s legs, Lexa inserted two fingers inside herself, collected some of her arousal, and made eye contact with Clarke as she spread it down her dick. She then placed her hands on Clarke’s shoulders and motioned for her to sit down fully on the bed. Eagerly, she climbed into Clarke’s lap. With Clarke now fully on board, she lined them up, one hand on her dick, the other on Lexa’s hip.

Lexa began to feel pressure at her opening as Clarke slowly advanced herself forward. Even during her heat, Lexa had to admit, it was painful. But it was the kind of pain that made her want more. Her mind was split between being thankful that Clarke was going so slow and irritated that Clarke was being so careful. _Keryon,_ she was the Commander of the twelve clans. She had been in battles where she received blows to the chest that knocked the wind out of her. She had been stabbed at close range multiple times. In many ways, she was both the _Kongeda’s_ (Coalition’s) sire and mother. So why was this one _joking_ (fucking) alpha not able to find the strength to get this over with and fill her properly.

“Go faster.”

“No.”

“ _Klark, beja.”_ (Clarke, please)

Clarke stopped moving forward entirely. When Lexa tried to take matters into her own hands, she was met with great resistance as Clarke had placed both her hands on Lexa’s hips. Clarke had removed one of her hands and placed it on Lexa’s chin, angling it down and giving Lexa no choice but to stare back into Clarke’s eyes. The line that formed between Clarke’s eyebrows when she was frustrated had appeared, and her lips were turned down. Even in the middle of her heat, Lexa couldn’t help but feel some rejection at this. Did Clarke not want to be connected this way?

“Why are you holding back? Do you not want to do this anymore?” Lexa asked, slightly terrified of what the answer would be.

“Not want to do this? Lexa it is taking all of my efforts not to bring our bodies as close together as humanly possible.”

“Then why–”

“–I don’t want to hurt you,” Clarke roared.

Lexa could hear the frustration that she felt mirrored in Clarke’s voice, and was immediately relieved that Clarke wasn’t rejecting her, but rather trying to protect her. Her alpha was trying to take care of her. On any other day, her omega probably would have preened at that thought, but right now, the only message it was sending her was, _I don’t want to be protected I want to be taken._ Knowing that that was the last thing she should say to accomplish her goal, she tried to reassure Clarke instead.

“You’re not.”

“Lexa”

“Clarke”

“I know you better than that, I saw you grimace when I first started moving, and I still haven’t gotten very far.”

Realizing that this was, in some ways, what everything for alphas was about, the size of her dick, Lexa was over this.

“Clarke, I do not know how more many ways to say this if you are not able to do this properly, so hear me, I will climb up that ladder, and _Keryon_ , I will find another alpha who can.”

Clarke’s response was more of a growl than actual words.

_“Careful.”_

“Why should I, when you are careful enough for both of us.”

Clarke pulled her off of her and stood up off of the bed. Before Lexa had time to protest, Clarke responded in that same gruff, part growl, part words tone.

“Present yourself.”

 _There’s my alpha._ Lexa thought to herself.

Lexa flipped herself over so that she was on all fours on the bed. Her knees were wide apart, and she was on her elbows so that her butt was high in the air, easy for Clarke to grab. She didn’t have to wait long as Clarke walked to the foot of the bed, where she remained standing. Wordlessly, Lexa felt Clarke grab her hips and pull her backward. But this time, she didn’t hesitate. Immediately, the head of Clarke’s penis rammed through her opening. But it didn’t stop there. Clarke had advanced several inches in before all of a sudden pulling out. Then she did the same thing, only this time she went a little further. Lexa’s eyes were watering. She felt the sting as she adjusted to the stretch Clarke was giving her. Yet for the first time is several days, Lexa’s omega was silent.

Eventually, Lexa felt adjusted enough that it wasn’t painful anymore. She didn’t realize that she was grunting every time Clarke would ram into her until Clarke went in particularly forceful, causing her to groan. It felt so good to finally be connected to Clarke in this way. Five weeks of pent up tension, a lifetime of having to hide who she was.

“ _Jok_ Clarke, that feels so good.”

Clarke continued, each time their hips would come apart only to make a satisfying slap when they came back together. When Clarke had started to go in each time to the hilt, Lexa really felt all of her walls begin to tighten around Clarke, as if her body didn’t want to let her go.

“ _Sha_ (yes), that’s it, Clarke.”

While still together, Clarke got on the bed, kneeling behind Lexa as she scooted up closer to the head of the bed. Lexa wrapped each hand around the base of the headboard of the bed to give herself more traction as she tried to force herself backward into Clarke. Clarke grabbed her hips and angled them upwards as she would push herself forwards, and Lexa felt every movement more acutely after that. The spongy tissue at the front of her vagina was on fire.

Lexa felt that same pleasure build-up that she had before, where all of her nerves felt like they were hit by lightning. Her walls were contracting impossibly tighter around Clarke with every thrust.

“Clarke,” smack, “I’m about to,” smack, “CUM”, smack.

But Clarke didn’t stop. She didn’t slow down when Lexa felt herself explode, and a fresh flood of arousal went everywhere, making Clarke’s already slick dick glide in and out. There was no slowing down during her aftershocks. Clarke just kept pressing on. And Lexa loved every second of it.

But after Lexa’s second release, she could feel Clarke relax a little into taking control and expressing herself as they continued.

“Lex, just like that," and “Oh my god, you feel so good around me.”

Lexa had orgasmed a third time before she realized that Clarke was not going all of the ways inside her anymore. She was about to say something when she realized why. _Clarke’s knot._ Her silent omega decided to rear its voice in her head again, _inside. Now._

“Clarke”

“Lexa”

“Do it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes”

Lexa felt Clarke put her left hand on her shoulder as they wordlessly got themselves in sync. With each thrust, Lexa could feel more of the knot entering her. She began to relish in the pain of the stretch as together, they worked to get it to pop in. When the widest part of Clarke’s knot kept hitting her opening, and it would not go in after repeated attempts, Clarke began to rub Lexa’s clit, a sensation that made Lexa want to cry in ecstasy it felt so good.

Finally, as if a snap occurred, the widest part of Clarke’s knot went inside, and all of a sudden, the rest of it fell in. Their hips were flush against each other. 

As if Lexa had been holding her breath for the past few days, she released a huge sigh, as she finally, felt full. It was as if everything made sense. She felt so connected to her body, her omega, as well as to the person with whom she was currently sharing that connection. She was able to sneak a look over her shoulder and could make out a mirroring facial expression on Clarke’s face. They did it, they were really together.

Caught up in her thoughts, she was brought out when Clarke interrupted them.

“Lexa, I’m about to–”

“I know, and it’s okay.”

Just as she felt another orgasm crash through her own body, she felt a pulse from inside of Clarke’s knot that traveled the length of her dick before rope after rope of cum was released. Scratch that from before, now she was full. She had never in a million years expected to feel so good this way. She collapsed on the bed just as Clarke collapsed on top of her.

They stayed that way for a couple of minutes, catching their breaths, letting some of the tension that had built up to escape their bodies. Lexa was surprised at how heavy Clarke was lying on her back, making it somewhat hard to breathe. As if she read her mind, Clarke said,

“Lexa, I want to try to get us on our sides, okay?”

Lexa nodded, and then they had to pull off the most complicated feat of the night, of moving together, without separating too much so that Clarke’s knot would hurt Lexa. Eventually, Clarke’s back was to the wall, and Lexa found arms wrapped around her.

“How do you feel?” Clarke asked her.

Lexa considered herself for a second. Aside from the large object impaling her, she noticed a small bulge around her pubic bone that wasn’t there before. She knew it was the product of their lovemaking, but still, it was a stark reminder about the risks they were taking. Of course, images of pups with blond hair and grey-green eyes started to trespass into her headspace, but she was able to shake those thoughts off. _Not now, not ever._ It wasn’t that she didn’t want pups. For obvious reasons, a pregnancy would give away her status, defeating the purpose of all of the hiding and secrets that she currently lived with, day in and day out.

She realized that she never responded to Clarke.

“I feel really good.”

“Oh yeah?”

The challenge in Clarke’s voice made Lexa think that she would have to do more convincing, but when she felt Clarke pepper kisses on one of her scent glands and Clarke entwining their hands together, she felt like this was a conversation for a later time.

“How about you?”

“Good, ready to go again.”

Lexa smelled arousal mixed in with sheepishness pervading the room as she leaned her head back and squeezed Clarke’s hands as a sign of encouragement.

“Okay, but go slowly, your knot has not yet begun to shrink.”

“You don’t have to tell me that,” the playfulness returned to Clarke’s voice, completely replacing the gruffness from earlier. Lexa hated to admit it, but she was starting to really enjoy that side of Clarke and hoped it would come out to play at least a couple more times during the next few days.

Clarke freed one of her hands and placed it over Lexa’s tender sex. She then began a slow rocking back and forth of her hips. Lexa could feel Clarke’s knot moving forward and backward a couple of centimeters. The movement was slow, but the girth was enough to drive her crazy. She began leaning into Clarke’s movements, exaggerating the distance the knot was able to move. Never enough to pull it out, for that could physically hurt her. But enough of a flirtation that she found herself moaning whenever Clarke pushed her hips forward.

As Lexa was able to further accommodate the moving knot, Clarke was able to go faster. Lexa started to pant, realizing that once again, she was close to orgasming. She took her free hand and guided Clarke’s to play in between her folds to further the stimulation.

Lexa started to feel her insides tighten around Clarke’s knot again and before she knew it,

“CLARKE!”

She yelped.

“I know, me too.”

And once again, Clarke groaned, which turned into a grunt, and Lexa felt the knot inside of her pulsate before traveling down the shaft and flooding into her womb.

Lexa could tell Clarke was spent, at least for now, by the huge sigh she released. She felt two hands now stroking up and down her sides. Once again, Clarke was kissing her scent glands, and her shoulders, and then her ears. For at least a little while, their thirsts were quenched. Lexa knew that in a couple of hours, her heat would start to call to her again, but with a womb full of seed, and a knot to keep it in place, for now, all her omega would do is preen.

As if reading her mind, Clarke had placed a hand on the bulge below her navel. The tender act made her begin to purr. A pang of guilt began to spread through Lexa as she realized what Clarke’s instincts might be telling her, implant or not. As much as Lexa was dreading this conversation, they were literally tied together, likely for at least another hour or so. Her instincts would tell her soon to sleep, to keep them as close together as possible until she wakes up again feeling empty and ready to be filled. Lexa took a deep breath before she placed a hand over Clarke’s and placed her other hand behind Clarke’s head and began to stroke her hair.

“Clarke”

“Mmmhmm”

“You know that that can’t happen, right?”

“Of course, we talked about this.”

“Yes, I know, it’s likely not a good time right now for either of us. But you must know that I can never bear children ever.”

“You mean, you physically can’t or–”

“–I mean that doing so would likely get me, and whoever sired the pup, killed.”

Clarke was quiet for what felt like a long time.

“Is this your way of trying to scare me away?”

“Wait what? No, of course not.”

“Because it’s not going to work. Lexa, I am here because I want to be with _you_. Not because I see you as some sort means to an end. Did I see myself with pups someday? Yes, I did. But now, the image I see in my future is you. All of you, and your life, whatever that may bring. I know that this is just one heat, and this could work out, or it won’t, or one of us could die, but know this, I want you.”

“I just don’t want to misguide you into thinking we will be able to have this grand future that people write songs about.”

“Let’s just be happy that we have today.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For helping me through my heat, for being so understanding, for being you.”

“Don’t act like I’m not getting anything out this,” she said playfully as Lexa felt Clarke’s hip push forward into her again.

Lexa was going to flirt back, but instead, a huge yawn came out. She sheepishly chuckled. Clarke surprised her by placing a kiss on her jaw before pulling one of the furs long tossed away over both of their naked bodies.

“Sleep”

“Wait, we weren’t done talking.”

“All of that stuff can wait,” she heard Clarke’s smile in her voice as she said, “besides, I said I would take you through your heat, and if I’m not mistaken, you will be back in full force in a matter of hours. We have all of the furniture in this bunker to christen.”

Lexa just laughed, and when she felt the vibrations of Clarke’s chest as she was laughing, she knew that whatever was in the future could wait. She felt her own laugh turn into a purr as Clarke once again entwined their fingers and massaged the backs of her hands, and she drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and dropping comments, it means so much to me to hear from you all


	7. Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is a shorter chapter. It's really more of a transition from the first chunk of the story to the next part. 
> 
> Clarke and Lexa have to say their goodbyes to the bunker, Octavia and Clarke have a much-needed conversation, Clarke realizes that her time away hasn't entirely gone unnoticed.

**Clarke**

It had been six days since Lexa had started her heat. Clarke smiled just thinking about it. Together they had five glorious days. She hated to admit it but knowing that there wasn’t a surface in that bunker that they hadn’t fucked each other senseless over made her puff out her chest. But more than that, Clarke felt connected to Lexa in ways that she had never felt connected to anyone before. Sure, there were no matching mating marks on their necks, but Clarke felt like she could sense how Lexa was feeling without even looking at her.

On the fifth day of Lexa’s heat, they could both sense that it was winding down, her body satisfactorily pleasured and filled. As much as they both enjoyed the time they spent together, it was in a bubble, away from the Mountain, the Coalition, Camp Jaha, and everything else that made them who they were. And with the meeting of the Clan Leaders coming up in two days, they knew that they didn’t have the luxury of spending any more time in the bunker than necessary.

Which lead to Clarke climbing out of the bunker, all of her things packed away in her pack. Of course, there were a few additions. She had no choice but to wear clean grounder small clothes seeing as Lexa used her spare pair of boxers, and she literally ripped hers off of her own body that first day. She also sneaked a drawing of Lexa asleep, naked and beautiful after her knot had deflated, and she herself couldn’t fall back asleep.

Lexa had explained to her after one of their lovemaking sessions that before they left for _TonDC_ , they would have to return to the lake to scrub themselves clean. Neither of them could afford to have proof of the other lingering on their skin as they returned to camp. But when they reached the lake, and Lexa handed her what felt like sandpaper and a vile of liquid soap of some kind, every instinct was telling her not to use them. To avoid removing the last bit of evidence they had of being with each other. Knowing that she had to do it, Clarke began the process of scraping her body raw until she was confident that the last of Lexa had been wiped off of her. Clarke then put on a fresh set of clothes, wordlessly getting Lexa’s approval that it was time to make their way back.

****

For the most part, the walk back was fairly quiet. Lexa would point out a rare bird or medicinal plant on occasion, but they didn’t feel the need to fill the air with extra words, not anymore. They walked side-by-side the majority of the way. Lexa would walk in front when the trail got narrower, only to then walk next to Clarke when the trail would widen again. Despite spending so much time discovering each other’s bodies the past few days, their physical contact with each other was minimal. Occasionally, their hands would touch, or their shoulders would brush up against one another.

Somehow, the farther along they got, the more Clarke became convinced that Lexa had something on her mind that she needed to share with her. About two-thirds of the way back, Lexa broke the silence.

“Clarke?”

“Yeah?”

“Before we get too close to TonDC _,_ we need to talk about how we have to interact when we are around other people again.”

“Okay”

“It’s important that when people see us interact with one another that they do not get any impression of intimacy.”

Clarke took a moment to consider what Lexa was saying. Of course, she knew that this was true, but it still felt like Lexa was trying to erase what they had just experienced with one another. Knowing that she didn’t really have a choice, she responded.

“I understand.”

Lexa took a deep breath before continuing,

“You can’t get territorial with me, ever. If another alpha gets up in my face, you cannot see that as a challenge to you. As far as the vast majority of people are concerned, it’s an alpha challenging their leader, another alpha.”

Clarke was mildly annoyed that Lexa felt the need to spell this out to her as if she was incapable of practicing any self-control. But she also knew the stakes, and she knew Lexa. Lexa was trying to separate herself now to avoid any painful conversations about this later. 

“I know that this might seem harsh, but I am only trying to protect you–”

“–Don’t pretend that this is just about me. I know that you are trying to protect yourself and your station as Commander.”

Lexa just turned her head to the side, avoiding Clarke’s gaze. But Clarke was not having it. She lightly put her hand on Lexa’s chin before turning her head back to face her.

“Listen, that’s okay, I’m not upset, and I know that your people come first, but that doesn’t mean that I cannot be sad, or that I am not worried about losing that contact with you.”

Clarke could spot the slightest of smirks on Lexa’s face before she responded,

“Contact, that’s an interesting way of putting it.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I do.”

Lexa picked up one of Clarke’s hands and kissed the back of it before entwining their hands together.

“One more thing, I don’t think that it’s a good idea for you to come back to TonDC with me.”

“Wait, where will I go?”

“Back to Camp Jaha.”

“But the most direct way to Camp Jaha is throughTonDC.”

Lexa just looked at Clarke, slightly exasperated, before continuing,

“Will you trust me on this?”

Clarke didn’t know exactly what to say. On the one hand, they already had an extremely intimate relationship. And she was definitely developing feelings for her, even if she hadn’t entirely figured all of those feelings out just yet. But on the other, it always felt like Lexa was playing chess, and Clarke wasn’t allowed to see all of the pieces on the board. Before she could respond, however, Lexa continued.

“I have made arrangements to get you home safely, I promise.”

_ Home. _ That was an interesting phrase. For Clarke, she wasn’t entirely sure what that meant. The last time she had a home, it was back when her dad was still alive, and they were in space. She certainly hadn’t spent that much time on the parts of the Ark that made up Camp Jaha. Much of her time was spent in a tent, planning the future with Lexa. If anything, the closest she felt to home was in the bunker they were now walking away from.

Eventually, she just nodded, and they continued on their way without further discussion. But they did hold hands as they walked, if only because they knew it was the last time at least in the foreseeable future.

When they were a little over an hour out, they heard the sound of horses moving along the trail. Instinctively they pulled their hands away from each other and waited in the brush alongside the trail. Slowly, two people riding on horses came into view. Before either of them could see who it was, one of the riders let out a sequence of whistle noises. Lexa responded in kind with a different sequence of noises. After the rider responded with a third sequence, Lexa got up from their hiding place and made herself visible on the trail. When Clarke did the same, she could see that the rider who first whistled was Ezra.

Clarke had expected him to be his serious self but was surprised to see he had a smile on his face. She also noticed that he had one of Lexa’s jackets wrapped around his neck. It made sense, Clarke figured it would be best for Lexa to smell like her alpha-self walking into Camp. It was also a stark reminder of what they had discussed earlier. 

But what shocked Clarke the most was the other rider. Somehow, as comfortable on a horse as if she had grown up riding one, Octavia was holding the reigns of the second horse. Clarke was so surprised that she ran up to the horses as soon as she recognized her.

“O! What are you doing here?!”

Octavia, of course, just shrugged.

“Indra mentioned something about how you needed a ride back to Camp Jaha, and I convinced her to let me take you.”

Not entirely sure what she knew, Clarke just nodded.

“Thank you, it’s nice to see a friendly face.”

“Clarke, I’m disappointed. You don’t see us as friends?”

Clarke just rolled her eyes after seeing the cheeky grin on Ezra’s face. Lexa was standing off to the side, her stoic face quiet and observant as always. When Ezra swung off of his horse, he walked over to Lexa and enveloped her in a big hug. It took every ounce of self-control that Clarke had not to growl. She _knew_ that he was her brother, and she _knew_ that marking her with his scent was essential to Lexa’s survival. But the image of watching him do so made Clarke’s throat taste like bile. Clarke tried her best not to be too obvious about looking away, to avoid tipping off Octavia.

“It’s good to see you, _sis._ ”

“You as well, _bro.”_

__

Ezra untied the jacket off of his neck and handed it to her for her to put on. But when neither of them got on the horse, Clarke was confused.

“Wait, aren’t you guys going to share the horse?”

“No _branwada_ , the horse is for you. We have an hour walk ahead of us while you have almost a day’s journey back to your Camp,” Ezra replied

“Oh, right.”

It was remarkable how this man always just made her feel stupid. It was like her common sense just went out the window.

“That’s right, Clarke. It’s going to be you and me, and several hours of catching up to do.”

Clarke could tell from Octavia’s tone that she knew exactly what had happened over the past few days, but that she wasn’t exactly going to broadcast that to Ezra and Lexa. Making this a joint effort, she pitched in.

“Yeah, and when we get back to Camp, I can show you all of my knife-throwing skills.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Well, you both have a long journey ahead of you tonight, so don’t let Ezra and I hold you up.”

“Thank you for the knife-throwing lessons and all of the survival skills you’ve taught me. I really appreciate it.”

Clarke awkwardly stuck her hand out to Lexa. Lexa took a brief look at it before grabbing her forearm in return.

“You’re welcome, _Klark kom Skaikru_.”

“Hopefully, when this war is over with, we could do that again sometime.”

A small smile crept on to Lexa’s face before she responded,

“I’d like that very much.”

With that, Clarke climbed onto the horse, albeit with about as much grace as a walrus in the desert. They didn’t wait up as they rode the horses hard, having to travel around the village to get to Camp Jaha. It would still likely be dark, but Octavia told Raven to expect them, hopefully preventing a repeat of what happened when Clarke strode up with Anya so many weeks ago.

To give the horses a break, they slowed down to a walk for a while after keeping them at a gallop for several hours. This also gave them some time to talk, for better or worse.

“Clarke”

“Yeah”

“How long have you known?”

“About?”

“Cut the shit, Clarke. You know exactly what I am talking about.”

“Um, I really don’t.”

“That Lexa’s been lying, to everyone, not just to us, but to her people.”

Clarke could feel herself start to sweat. When she smelled her own nervous pheromones in the air, she sighed. She got caught.

“The first time we met.”

“So you’ve been sitting on this information, that the person who we are putting our trust in, has been lying from the start!”

“It’s not her fault that she lives in a society that prevents omegas from becoming Commander.”

“You admit it then. You are protecting her.”

“It’s complicated.”

“Explain it to me, Clarke.”

“If she dies, which she _will_ die if her secret is found out, we could be stuck with someone who won’t honor our agreement.”

“How do you know that she will honor it, Clarke?”

“Because I just know.”

“You mean, between making out with her and sinking your knot into her, you figured that one out?”

Clarke felt a loud growl she had been holding back all day escape her throat. This conversation was getting extremely uncomfortable.

“You have no idea what happened.”

“Clarke,” Octavia said, exasperation turning into a whine, “we are blood bound, remember.”

She paused briefly before letting that sink in.

“That means that I can sense what you are feeling, not all of the time, but during extreme emotions.”

_ Great. _ Clarke groaned, of course, that blood binding would come to bite her in the ass. It made sense, even now, Clarke could sense Octavia’s anger, spooling between them like a tether and separate from the anger pheromones that Clarke could also smell. 

Octavia sighed, “Aside from the risks everyone is taking, including my brother, who you sent into the mountain with Lincoln, I also want to make sure that you don’t get hurt.”

Clarke sighed. Of course, she knew she was taking a risk, but having that risk spelled out to her by Octavia was unsettling, to say the least.

“I understand, really, I do.”

“Do you? Because I just want to remind you that there are a lot of lives at stake, including your own.”

“I got it.”

“Do you love her?”

“What?”

“Do you love her?”

“No… I don’t know, maybe?”

“ _Oh_ _man,_ ” Octavia groaned.

They just rode in silence for a few minutes before a crippling fear entered Clarke’s mind.

“You can’t tell anyone.”

Octavia snorted, “I’m not that dense, Clarke.”

Clarke pulled her horse to a complete stop before reaching out to Octavia. She looked directly into the younger girl’s eyes as she said,

“If anyone gets the impression that you even know anything at all, let alone that you are tempted to tell someone, they would kill you on the spot.”

Octavia gulped.

“How did you convince Indra to let you go?”

Octavia smiled,

“That was easy, as far as Indra was concerned, Ezra just needed someone willing to get you back to Camp Jaha at night. It was a dumb mission that could have resulted in getting killed. I basically convinced her that I was the most expendable.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad it was you.”

“Me too.”

They let their horses walk for another thirty minutes before bringing them back up to a gallop. After several more hours of hard riding, they finally made it. It was late when the lights of Camp Jaha came into view. Both Octavia and Clarke put their hands in the air as they neared the gates just in case they wouldn’t be recognized. When the gates opened, Raven was standing there, arms crossed, lips a straight line.

“Yeah, you better come over here Griffin, I said go bother Lexa for the day, not a goddamn week!”

As the gates closed behind them, both Clarke and Octavia dismounted from their horses. Clarke gave the striking beta a large hug. But before they had completely separated, Raven smacked her in the shoulder.

“I mean it, Griffin, what the hell were you doing out there?”

“I–”

“–She was training with me and Indra.”

“Oh, really?”

“What, do you really think that Lexa would put up with this one’s crap for a whole week? Fat chance!”

Raven brought her eyes back to Clarke, who sheepishly grinned,

“Indra had me working my ass off.”

“Huh, remind me to thank Indra later.”

Clarke made a silent note to do that absolutely never. The girls continued to catch up when all of a sudden, a familiar scent hit Clarke’s nostrils. _Oh no_.

“ _Clarke Griffin,_ just where have you been?”

Clarke could smell Abby’s anger pheromones from across the camp. After Clarke had presented as an alpha, and an especially powerful one, Abby could no longer make her submit anymore. But old habits die hard, and avoiding the wrath of Abigail Griffin was definitely a habit Clarke hadn’t quite shaken.

_ This is going to be a long night _ . Clarke thought to herself, before stepping around her friends to face her mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for reading! Feel free to give feedback in the comments, I really appreciate it.


	8. Repercussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Octavia get caught discussing something they shouldn't. Lexa feels caught between what she feels is right and what she feels she has to do. Lexa gets help from an unlikely source.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, I know it's been a whole week since my last update, but things got a little busy for me. But I am super excited to share this chapter with you all. It's also a pretty long chapter.
> 
> A couple of things to note before you read:  
> This is my take on Season 2 episode 14 Bodyguard of Lies  
> In my universe, the missile that hits TonDC in the show does NOT happen  
> This takes place about a month after we heard from our favorite power couple.
> 
> Also just as a heads up, there is a section of this chapter that is from someone that isn't Lexa or Clarke's perspective. I promise it will make sense as you read this. My request for you is that you avoid skimming it to get back to the rest of the story from 2x14. There is information in that part of the chapter that will be important to keep in mind for the rest of this fic. As Lexa works to trust Clarke in this chapter, I am hoping you guys will trust me on this. As always, enjoy guys!

**Lexa**

It had been four weeks since Lexa had parted ways with Clarke on the way back from the bunker. Four miserable weeks. Even though they didn’t exchange mating marks, she felt this sort of unspoken connection with Clarke after what they had shared. And she felt the loss of her presence the moment she watched her ride away with Octavia.

Two days after they had returned to their respective camps, the meeting of the War Chiefs happened. Between all of the typical alpha posturing coming from twelve directions plus the input from _Skaikru_ , Lexa found her energy levels entirely drained by the end of the day. The meeting took place in one of the buildings still standing in TonDC from the old world. It was early July, making the humid summer air inescapable. But all in all, the meeting went smoothly, with only a few tense moments. When a challenge was directed at _Skaikru_ , Clarke flashed her pheromones at everyone in the room. When it was only Clarke and Lexa still standing, they exchanged eye-contact briefly. Lexa did everything in her power to avoid gasping while she saw the corners of Clarke’s lips form a smirk before she ceased releasing hormones altogether. Egos a little bruised, no one directed too much flack in _Skaikru’s_ direction after that. 

When the meeting wrapped up, Lexa wanted more than anything to reach out to Clarke, not just to be near her but also for her mind. If there was one thing she really loved about Clarke, it was their shared desire to do the most good for the most people. Lexa wanted to parse through all of Clarke’s thoughts on the meeting today, to hear her interpretation. After a brief discussion with Ezra, she looked around the village for Clarke only to find out that she had already taken a horse to return to Camp Jaha.

That was the last time Clarke was in TonDC. After the meeting with the War Chiefs, Kane started coming to update her on the progress they were making in the number of tone generators or the improvements in fighting and hunting skills that the people of _Skaikru_ were making. Indra was updating her on that front as well, of course, and it was surprising how close their interpretations were matching up within the last week. At first, the rosy picture Kane would paint was in direct contradiction to the disaster that Indra would report. But as time went on, Kane got more realistic, and Indra became increasingly impressed with _Skaikru’s_ resilience if nothing else.

Even still, the more Lexa worked with Kane, the more she appreciated his own diplomatic prowess. For a beta, he seemed incredibly adept at reading the room, even when the facial expressions of the people around him did not give him much to go on. Still, in more ways than one, he was not Clarke. And every time one of her guards would alert her of his presence within the camp, she was slightly bitter that it wasn’t a certain alpha instead.

It’s not like she couldn’t understand why Clarke didn’t come. That meeting was tortuous. They were closer than they had been in two days, yet she still was across the room and unable to touch her. Still, logic be damned, there was a part of her that felt personally hurt by Clarke’s choice of absence.

During Kane’s last meeting, he also gave an update on Bellamy’s progress. Lexa was impressed to find out how convincing Bellamy could be in fulminating a rebellion. It turned out that even amongst the people in the Mountain, many disagreed with the treatment of the _Skaikru_ and her people. With the promise of safety and volunteered donation of bone marrow from the _Skaikru_ after a successful takedown of their leadership, Bellamy was paving the way for a peaceful resolution. 

But for now, the leaders of the Mountain were still in place. Members of _Skaikru_ within the Mountain continued to disappear. Bellamy had yet to figure out a way to take down the veil, leaving them no choice but to plan and wait. When the plans had been solidified, all they could do was wait.

Which is exactly what Lexa was doing. No war paint on, and her jacket and armor unbuckled, Lexa was sitting in her living quarters partitioned off of in her tent. That was until she got a whiff of saltwater, sunshine, and metal. _Clarke_. Lexa knew she should have been civilized and just waited in her tent for Ezra or one of her guards to come in and let her know that Clarke was here. But to be honest, it had been a really tough month, and she really just wanted to see Clarke.

Lexa jumped up and hurriedly fastened her armor back into place before practically running out of her tent. Just before she got to the entrance flap, she took a deep breath, centering herself, not wanting to leave her tent too undignified. But when she walked outside, she couldn’t see Clarke. She walked over to the dining tent, and when she wasn’t there, she started to think that maybe she imagined the whole thing.

Just as she was about to head back to her tent, her ego slightly bruised, she smelled her alpha’s scent once more. She realized that it seemed to be coming from the forest surrounding TonDC. Determined to find her, Lexa hoped that Clarke would be alone so they could do more than just hold each other’s gaze for a brief period.

When she figured out exactly where Clarke was, she realized that Clarke wasn’t alone and that she was trying to have a conversation without others hearing. Of course, she and whomever she was conversing with, Lexa thought it was Octavia, didn’t travel nearly far enough into the forest to guarantee that their conversation remained between the two of them. Lexa hid under the brush nearby. They were in a clearing, another mistake, as far as Lexa was concerned. _Figures_.

Lexa normally would have respected Clarke’s space, but curiosity got the best of her. She remained at a distance and hidden from the two of them as she listened to their conversation.

"–to figure out how you could still trust her."

"What are you talking about?"

"Clarke, how could you possibly trust her knowing what you know?"

"Octavia..."

"She lies to her people every day. If she’s lying about that to save her own skin, don’t you think it’s possible that she could be lying about other things too. That she could be lying to you?"

Lexa heard Clarke sigh before she responded.

"Hey. I am trusting her so that we can save Bellamy. So that we can win this war. Don't you see that?"

"No. Bellamy wouldn't have agreed to risk everyone's lives like that, the ends don’t always justify the means, Clarke."

"In my mind, trusting Lexa is a necessary risk.”

"Right. Because you're in charge now, and you decide what information to share with the rest of us. You'd have fit right in on the Council."

"Hey. Octavia."

"What?"

"I know I have told you this before, but you can't tell anyone. If people found out–"

"The alliance will break. I'm not an idiot, Clarke. I told you that the first time."

Noise from across the clearing from Lexa brought their conversation to a complete stop. At first, Lexa was mildly relieved that while Octavia knew about her, nothing in their conversation directly spelled out her secret. So even if there was someone else out there, unwanted ears didn’t hear what they weren’t supposed to. Lexa then immediately felt a sense of dread knowing what she was going to have to do to Octavia.

It’s not like she wanted to have Octavia killed, but there was too much at stake. Ezra alone had killed several people for even the suggestion that they knew something, let alone that they were vocalizing their concerns to a leader of a people ten weeks ago she was about to go to war with. But Clarke was not just a leader of an opposing people. Clarke was her lover, her alpha. They knew each other in a way that Lexa had not known anyone else, except for Costia. And during her heat, she learned that Clarke had a _jus teina_ with Octavia. Knowing this, knowing that it would be painful for Clarke in the same way that Anya’s death was extremely painful for her made her sick to her stomach. Lexa felt an incredible sense of dread.

But she was immediately brought out of her thoughts as she realized that Clarke and Octavia were heading back to Camp the same direction that she had left. As silently as she could, Lexa practically flew through the trees before heading back to her tent.

Knowing she had a couple of minutes before Clarke and Octavia made it over to her direction, she pulled Ezra from his post outside of her tent inside with her. He stood with his arms crossed.

“Lexa”

“We don’t have a lot of time. So I am going to say this quickly. Octavia _kom Skaikru_ knows. And it’s a problem. One that I need you to take care of.”

Ezra didn’t hesitate before he responded, “Of course, but Lexa,” he paused before putting his hand on her shoulder.

“This is exactly what I was worried about when you trusted Clarke.”

Lexa knew he was right, but also knew that she didn’t have the time to care.

“Come on, last I checked, Indra had an assignment for her _seken_. We have to stop her and get her off by herself.”

“Understood.”

Just as they left the tent, they found Clarke and Octavia sitting by a campfire. They were still whispering to each other when Lexa and her brother walked up. At the sound of her approach, both of them stood up, and from the looks on both of their faces, they were worried they had been caught in a conversation they shouldn’t have been having. Octavia spoke first.

"Commander."

"Octavia."

Ezra spoke, "it is time for the southernmost guard post's rotation. You should relieve them."

"Indra expects me to be on a scouting mission with Lincoln."

"Now you're needed at the guard post. Indra will join you there shortly."

Octavia just nodded slightly before heading towards the southernmost guard’s position. This, of course, left Lexa and Clarke the closest they had been in a month.

“ _Klark”_

Lexa pleaded. She realized that the small whine in her voice stemmed from more than just her stress from having to deal with yet another potential threat to her Command. She was also pleading with her lover. They were caught between their two peoples. Despite how much Lexa wished that their responsibilities wouldn't keep getting in the way of them being together, she knew that would likely never be the case.

"She won't say anything."

Lexa had to work to keep the surprise off of her face. Clearly, Clarke didn’t understand the risks she was taking every day. All because of some dumb feeling the previous _Heda_ had about her.

The fact that Clarke could be so cavalier about her secret hurt her in ways that she couldn’t have anticipated.

"You can't be sure of that. Too many people know, Clarke."

"You worry about your people, I'll worry about mine."

When Clarke walked away, Lexa turned to her brother and said,

" _Frag em op._ " (Kill her.)

###

Lexa returned to her tent, having nothing to do but wait for Ezra to come back. Of all of the times she had to give that particular order, it had never been a person as close to her before. Or at least, someone so close to a person she really cared about.

Having nothing to do drove Lexa crazy, so she decided that now was as good a time as any to put on her war paint. When in Polis, her attendants would do her war paint, but whenever she was outside of the city, she would take a mirror and apply the kohl herself. She would never forget the day Anya revealed her war paint to her. In _Trikru_ , your warpaint, much like your tattoos, is an extension of yourself and how the members of your clan see you. While it is a tradition for a _seken’s_ warpaint to be revealed to them by their _fos_ , when someone ascends to _Heda,_ it is their choice if they would like to change it.

But after all of the things Anya sacrificed for her, she wouldn’t dream of changing it. Besides, changing her war paint would be denying a part of herself. Thinking about Anya inevitably made her think about Octavia. About how much pain Clarke was going to be in after it happened. She knew firsthand. It was one of the reasons she knew Clarke wasn’t lying all those weeks ago about Anya not dying in the fire at the dropship. The moment Anya died, she felt her heart stop for a moment. She hated to admit it, but she still had nightmares about the unimaginable fear and loneliness she felt through the bond as her _fos_ felt her own life eke out. Knowing that a similar thing was going to happen to Clarke and that she likely would never forgive her, frankly that she would never forgive herself, were all just reminders of the marks on her own _Keryon_ (spirit) that she would have to carry.

She was just about done with her warpaint when Ezra came bursting through her tent flap. An incredibly pissed off Clarke strutted behind him with a gun in her left hand as she pushed Ezra forward. Clarke grunted hard as she kicked him in the back of the knee, causing him to fall to his own knees on the ground. Anger pheromones saturated Lexa’s tent. But even if she couldn’t smell them, one look at Clarke’s face was all she needed to know how furious she was at her.

"You sent him to kill Octavia? I told you, she's not a problem."

Lexa briefly held Clarke’s gaze before looking down at Ezra. Knowing that Clarke would never harm her, she felt confident as she said to him,

"Leave us."

But as Ezra stood up and went to leave the tent, Clarke got in his way.

"No. I'm not letting him out of my sight."

Lexa stood up from her throne before telling Ezra, "Stand down for now and wait for my command."

Ezra gave her one last long look, as if to say, be careful. As soon as he left the tent, Clarke walked towards her and got up in her face.

"What the hell is wrong with you? You can't just kill everyone you don't trust."

"Yes, I can."

Before Clarke could respond, Lexa turned away from Clarke, walking across the tent. What she wasn’t saying was how certain she felt she had to do it. How tired she was of having to keep this secret. How much she wished she could give it all away, to run away from all of her responsibilities, _to run away with Clarke_. How lonely she felt before Clarke came into her life carrying this secret and just how much lonelier she has felt without her since.

But she didn’t have time to dwell on these feelings because as she walked away, Clarke continued talking as she followed her.

"Well, I won't let you."

Lexa had reached her fingerless gloves on her bed before turning right back around to face Clarke as she put them on.

"I can't do this anymore."

Clarke turned around and started to walk towards the tent flap. Lexa knew they weren’t done with this conversation, so she decided to tell her the truth, at least the one that was helping her go through with it.

"Octavia is a threat.”

That got Clarke to stop. Thinking she had her, she continued as she walked over to her.

“If you weren't so close to her, you'd see that."

Now facing each other, Lexa could see the frustration written all over Clarke’s face as she responded.

"It's because I'm close to her that I know she's loyal. Her brother is more important to her than anyone. She would never endanger his life."

"And you're willing to risk everything on that? On your feelings?"

"Yes. You say having feelings makes me weak. But you're weak for hiding from them. I might be a hypocrite, Lexa, but you're a liar.”

Lexa tilted her chin forward, sensing the challenge in Clarke’s tone. The anger pheromones had long since subsided. All of sudden, that familiar shadow of what she was capable of started to creep up again.

Clarke entered into her personal space. But she didn’t stop there, as she kept talking, she would take a step forward, forcing Lexa to take a step back.

“You felt something for Gustus. You're still haunted by Costia. You want everyone to think you're above it all, but I see right through you."

When Lexa felt her backside hit the table where they kept model of the Mountain, she felt herself almost gasp. She couldn’t help it, watching Clarke stalk towards her made her feel hot in her center. Heat or not, Lexa was always attracted to Clarke, this time was no exception.

Clarke’s pupils had dilated to the point where Lexa couldn’t see her irises. She could see Clarke’s body tense as if she was indecisive about whether or not to walk away because she was furious at Lexa, or if she wanted to flip her around, bend her over and take her on the table. Afraid that her own arousal was clouding her judgment, she had to put space between them.

"Get out."

"How many people have had to die for your secret? People you ordered to be killed just to protect yourself. I know you are tormented by each and every one of those deaths, yet it seems like as soon as someone threatens your power again, you get rid of them.”

Lexa felt sweat on the back of her neck and not from arousal. She stared back into Clarke’s eyes. Her pupils contracted enough for Lexa to see their brilliant color again, giving her the clarity of focus to earnestly reply,

"Not everyone. Not you.”

Lexa watched as Clarke just stared back at her, slightly gobsmacked. Clarke looked down at Lexa’s lips before returning her gaze upwards. 

"Well, if you care about me, then– trust me. Octavia is not a threat."

"I can't do that."

Clarke took a step back before she said,

"I can't sacrifice my people anymore. If you do anything to hurt Octavia, I'll tell everyone who you really are."

They both sized each other up before Clarke stormed out of the tent. As soon as Clarke left, Lexa looked towards the ceiling of the tent, silently asking _Keryon_ to give her strength and wisdom. She took in a huge breath before swallowing her lips. Clarke just threatened to tell everyone her secret. It was not exactly her choice to lie when this all started. Everything felt like it happened so fast. But the problem was that every day since, she had perpetuated that lie, had cost both Anya and Ezra their futures. She had been fighting so hard for so long, all because if she gave up, the sacrifices and lives lost would have been for nothing. But as she watched Clarke threaten to take all of that away, she realized that Clarke was the one thing she was unwilling to give up.

###

If there was one thing that always helped Lexa center herself, it was meditation. She knew that if she opened herself up, the Commanders of her past would tell her what the right thing to do was. She walked back into her sleeping space and sat cross-legged with her back against the trunk containing her clothes.

When she was first learning how to access the memories of her past lives, it used to take about ten to fifteen minutes to feel their presence. After years of practice, she sometimes felt like the memories the flame gave her were as easily accessible as her own. Sometimes the Commanders would answer her questions by showing her events in their lives that resembled hers. Sometimes it almost felt like they would disregard her questions completely, only to show her what they wanted her to see.

As soon as she sat down and closed her eyes, she felt herself being taken into a memory that felt oddly familiar. Her direct predecessor, _Heda_ Dax _kom_ _Trikru,_ was a great influence on her when he was alive. A fierce warrior and powerful alpha, few could challenge him even before he ascended. But by the time that Lexa knew him, he always seemed battle weary. In many ways, watching him carry the burdens of leadership helped her understand the importance of peace. Despite his impact on who she grew up to be, he wasn’t particularly vocal in death. At least, until now.

Lexa had seen very little of his life experiences up until this point, so when she found herself in her own throne room, a foot taller and a broad-chested male alpha standing on the dais staring at a bunch of _natblidas_ , her last thought before completely ceding herself to the memory was of baby-faced twelve-year-old Lexa sitting in front of her and answering _his_ questions.

_ Dax studied his natblida pups. None of them were of his direct sire-line, but he still beamed with pride at all of them. He loved working with the pups who hadn’t presented yet. They all still had the promise of becoming a leader, and none of them were staring down the possibility of killing their siblings like the alpha natblidas or the terrible sense of inevitability of the omega natblidas. In Trigedasleng, he asked them, _

__

_ What are the three pillars of being Commander? _

__

_ One of the youngest currently training, Jodi, piped up in her squeaky voice “Wisdom” _

__

_ Otto, a ten-year-old boy with caramel-colored skin and the brightest blue eyes that Dax had ever seen, spoke next. _

__

_ “Compassion” _

__

_ And the last to speak, his late sister’s pup, with a chestnut mane of hair and dazzling grey-green eyes, his secret joy, was Leksa.  _

__

_ “And Strength” _

__

_ “Good” _

__

_ Titos stepped forward, clapped his hands, and was about to take the younglings to their next lesson. Titos had always been his trusted advisor and friend. They were both in the same novitiate class. Of course, he presented one way, and Dax presented another. Still, Dax was especially pleased that his friend had joined the Order of the Flame if only to help him navigate this terrible war with Azgeda. Of course, after he had had his two pups, both of whom managed to get away with having red blood. If only his sister had been so lucky.  _

__

_ Dax scorned himself for thinking that way. Both of Titos’ children died fighting Azgeda.  _ Fighting for me. _Dax thought to himself grimly._

__

_ Just before Leksa was about to get up and leave with the rest of the pups, Dax felt a wave of certainty about her.  _ How could it be? _There was an old myth that a pup’s sire could sense when they were about to present and, most importantly,_ how _._

__

_ Leksa was always favored to be an alpha. Small and stringy, even for a girl her age, yet she walked with a regality that commanded attention. She learned to read early and was incredibly adept at strategy. But what made Dax hope that she would qualify to become Heda was that on top of all of that, she was also compassionate to those that were weaker and younger than her. Dax had always felt that she would have the rest of her life to develop the ruthlessness necessary to command.  _

__

_ But Leksa would not qualify for hedon  _ (command). _Once Dax got over the strangeness of having a sire’s intuition for a pup that was not his own, he mourned the future his niece would have instead. He used to think that being an omega natblida was better. At least they knew that they weren’t going to die in a fight to the death. But after watching his beloved sister Elia die giving birth, the alpha she was betrothed to too distraught to stay in Polis, abandoning his newborn pup and his five-year-old son, he dreaded it every time one of the natblida pups presented as an omega._

__

_ It’s not that he hadn’t tried to change the laws. But any changes to succession and ascendancy must also be voted on by the Ascension Council. And he had been firmly denied. After Luna ran away, just a week ago, Dax felt even stronger in his belief that the way omega natblidas were treated was wrong.  _

__

_ As he watched Lexa walk away, just as quickly as if Bekka Pramheda told him herself, he knew that yes, in about a week, Leksa would present, yes, she would become an omega, but that he had to do everything in his power to ensure that she would ascend. He knew the risk he was taking, the risk he would be asking her to take. But of all of the times he felt  _ Keryon’s _influence over his decisions, never had he felt so assured that he was being directed by the flame itself._

_“Leksa, hod op!_ ” (Lexa, wait)

_ When Leksa froze, Dax scanned the room to make sure that Titos hadn’t left yet. Seeing that he was already gone, he motioned for one of his guards to come forward, _

__

_ “Let Titos know that I need him back here immediately.” _

__

_ When the guard nodded, Dax brought all of his attention back to Leksa, still standing in the exact spot he asked her to wait. Realizing that singling her out this way might make her uneasy, he walked over to his niece and put a hand on her shoulder,  _

__

_ “Leksa, I need to talk to you about something, but first I must speak to Titos.” _

__

_ “Did I do something wrong?” _

__

_ “Of course not.” _

__

_ Leksa flashed him with those discerning grey-green eyes, Elia’s eyes. They could say so much while the rest of her face said so little. Just as he was about to say something more, Titos seemed to float into the room. _

__

_ “Heda, you sent for me?” _

__

_ “Yes, something has come to my attention that I must make preparations for. Titos, let’s go out to the balcony so we can speak privately.” _

__

_ When Dax and Titos made it to the balcony, Dax didn’t waste any time.  _

__

_ “Do you know where Anya is?” _

__

_ “Leksa’s fos?” _

__

_ “Yes” _

__

_ “She was sent out to the front. Indra needed another lieutenant at the Trikru northern border.” _

__

_ “Have one of our fastest riders send word to Indra. I want her back here as quickly as possible.”  _

__

_ Titos’ eyebrows furrowed, “Heda?” _

__

_ Dax’s mind was spinning a mile a minute, there was so much to be done, and Titos’ uncertainty was slowing him down. Realizing that he needed to take a breath, he centered himself before placing his hand on Titos’ shoulder. _

__

_ “After we’ve known each other for all of our lives, do you trust me?” _

__

_ “Always.” _

__

_ “Then do this for me, my friend.” _

__

_ As Titos started walking back into the throne room, Dax had another request, _

__

_ “Can you send Leksa out here and have all guards leave the throne room?” _

__

_ Now this made Titos pause. When he turned around, Dax didn’t give him the chance to ask any questions. _

__

_ “Know that all will be clear with time.” _

__

_ But Titos just walked back up to Dax, this time as close as he dared. _

__

_ “You know the laws about showing favoritism towards one of the novitiates. Now Leksa might be promising, but having you as an uncle will only look suspicious if you make it look like you are trying to tip the scale. Whether she knows you are her uncle or not.” _

__

_ Dax felt his anger bubble up in his center and manifest in his pheromones. _

__

_ “I am doing this for everyone. I am Heda, and you will listen to me.” _

__

_ Titos was on his knees with his head turned to the side. When Dax realized what he had done, forcing his friend to submit to him in this way, he ceased his outpouring and offered a hand to Titos.  _

__

_ “I’m sorry, Titos.” _

__

_ “No, I am sorry for questioning your judgment.” _

__

_ Dax smirked before saying, “Oh my friend, haven’t you heard, that’s why I keep you around.” _

__

_ Titos just nodded before entering the throne room. Dax stared down at the city of Polis for a few minutes. At first, he was waiting for Leksa to come outside, but he found himself lost in the beautiful sites of the city. Eventually, Leksa broke the silence, _

__

_ “Heda?” _

__

_ Leksa framed his title like it was a question, but Dax didn’t respond. He let it hang in the air before he answered her question with a question of his own. _

__

_ “How’s your brother?” _

__

_ “Ezra?” _

__

_ “Sha” _

__

_ “The last I heard, he was going to the front, with Anya, my fos. They left two days ago.” _

__

_ “You must be worried about him.” _

__

_ Leksa remained stone-faced as she said, “For him, being able to defend his clan is the greatest honor.” _

__

_ “That may be true, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be concerned about his safety.” _

__

_ Leksa just nodded before looking out at the skyline.  _ So young, and already she has that faraway look in her eyes like she’s carrying far more than she should. _Dax thought to himself._

__

_ “Let me ask you something. You are getting close to the age that most pups present,” when Leksa just nodded, he continued, “how do you think it will turn out?” _

__

_ “Well, I think that I will become an alpha.” _

__

_ “And why do you think that?”  _

__

_ “Everyone’s told me my entire life that I am a natural leader, and I guess, I don’t know, that’s just what’s supposed to happen, right?” _

__

_ “Do you think that omegas can’t be natural leaders?” _

__

_ “I didn’t mean it that way,” Leksa rushed to say, “of course they can lead, many of them do, in the army, in–” _

__

_ “–Good, because I am counting on it.” _

__

_ Leksa just stared at him, not giving anything away. _

__

_ Dax took a deep breath before diving right in, “what if I told you that I had it on good authority that you were going to present in a about a week?”  _

__

_ “How?” _

__

_ “To be honest with you, I don’t know. But that’s not the most important part. Leksa, when you present next week, you’re not going to go into rut, you’ll go into heat.” _

__

_ For a long time, Leksa didn’t say anything. She just stared at him, with her brilliant grey-green eyes focusing on his hazel ones.  _

__

_ “But that means," Leksa stuttered, "that means that I will be an omega.” _

__

_ “Yes” _

__

_ Leksa turned away again, facing the skyline. After about a moment, he could see tears forming in her eyes and collecting at her lower lids. Not enough for them to spill out onto her cheeks. She swallowed her lips and furrowed her eyebrows as if she was willing herself to keep her tears from escaping.  _

__

_ “I won’t do it. I will not just wait until I am sixteen, to be bred like some whore. I… I’ll run away, like Luna.” _

__

_ Dax took a deep breath. _

__

_ “Luna has only been gone for a week, she will be found, and when she is, she will be brought back, and whether I like it or not, she will be tried for defying the laws of Ascension.” Dax paused, “but that’s exactly why I am talking to you about this now.” _

__

_ Dax started to release soothing pheromones before grabbing her hands. He saw some of the tension that had built up in her body begin to subside. When she turned back to face Dax, he told her the last of the news. _

__

_ “What if I told you that  _ Keryon _thinks that someday you are going to become Heda?”_

__

_ Leksa just stared back at Dax, eyebrows furrowed, waiting for an explanation.  _

__

_ “What I am about to ask you to do is unfair, cruel even, but when it comes to the will of  _ Keryon _, we all must obey for the good of the people of Trikru and all of the clans. Even Azegada.”_

__

_ When Leksa smirked at that last line, Dax considered it a good sign that he could continue. _

__

_ “You are going to have to lie every day to everyone. At least to everyone except Anya. At least for now.”  _

__

_ “I don’t understand, what’s the point of hiding myself, defying the Ascension Council and three hundred years of tradition?” _

__

_ “Well, I think you know the answer to that first part, being bred like a whore doesn’t sound like a good deal to me, and as far as tradition, well, let’s just put it this way, life experiences of mine have led me to believe that the way we treat the omega natblidas is wrong. _

__

_ “And while I have tried to reason with the members of the Ascension Council, despite my best efforts, and all of the power that comes from being Heda, I have had to learn a hard lesson. One that hopefully, you will learn sooner than I did. My influence on certain matters only goes so far. And an alpha, however important, telling a bunch of members of the Order, all omegas, that I think that they are being treated unfairly came off as condescending at best.” _

__

_ Dax gave Leksa a minute to process all of the information that he had just dumped on her.  _

__

_ “Sometimes, we have to change and evolve. I do not doubt that you will be the leader that will get us there.” _

__

_ “How is this going to work?” _

__

_ “Don’t worry about that right now. Just know that you can trust Anya.” _

__

_ Leksa took a moment before nodding. _

__

_ “How will I be able to make these reforms if people think that I am an alpha?” _

__

_ Dax considered this, and while at first, he didn’t have an answer, the flame guided him to the truth. _

__

_ “Someday, the world around you will change, and you will know that it’s time to reveal yourself to the world.” _

__

_ Dax smiled at his beautiful niece. _

__

_ “But you must be very careful before that day comes to protect yourself and your secret.” _

__

_ Dax put his hand on her shoulder before he said, _

__

_ “When I look at you, I see is an amazing future, not just for you, but for our people. Do not worry, this will all become clearer in time. Now, go find the other natblidas, I do not want you to miss out on the rest of today’s lessons.”  _

__

_ Leksa sighed before turning back to Dax to nod out of respect before she left the balcony, leaving Dax alone. Once again, he stared out at the people of Polis, with his hands behind his back. For the first time in over twenty years, he felt like when the day comes for his fight to truly end, the world will be in a better place than when he received it.  _

__

_ As he turned back towards his throne room and began to walk inside, he felt himself getting pulled out of the memory and back into the Commander’s tent in TonDC.  _ Lexa did not feel quite so tall or so broad anymore as she opened her eyes, trying to catch her bearings.

Of all of the experiences Lexa had had since ascending, traversing a memory as _Heda_ talking to her younger self had to be the strangest. Seeing the ghosts of her _natblida_ siblings, some lost in the Conclave, like Otto, others, to the Order, left her unsettled. She still wasn’t entirely sure why Dax was sharing that memory with her, let alone why he had never told her in death that he was her uncle, but she also knew what she had to do. She was going to trust Clarke like she trusted Dax seven years ago. 

###

After she had a painful conversation with Ezra about permanently standing down from killing Octavia, she had another one of her guards look for Clarke. She wanted to tell her personally, instead of waiting for Ezra to do it himself. She wasn’t entirely sure she felt comfortable with how that conversation would have gone between the two of them.

As soon as the guard left the tent, Lexa felt oddly nervous. In between losing the connection she had with Clarke, then seeing her again, only to have her be furious with her, Lexa felt an enormous amount of uncertainty. Definitely, more than she had learned to be okay living with over the past seven years. Lexa was fidgeting with one of her maps of the region when Clarke came through the tent.

"You sent for me?"

"Yes. Octavia has nothing to fear from me.” Lexa looked away as she said, “I do trust you, Clarke."

Lexa heard rather than directly saw Clarke take a step towards her.

"I know how hard that is for you."

Lexa dared a look back at Clarke’s face and the earnestness she saw made her heart melt a little. But she wasn’t ready to let Clarke know that, at least for now. She turned her body so that they were now face-to-face before responding.

"You think our ways are harsh, but that's how we survive."

"Maybe life should be about more than just surviving.” Clarke then averted her gaze. Being this close, Lexa had a hard time not looking at Clarke’s lips.

“Don't we deserve better than that?"

"Maybe we do."

Lexa felt herself place one hand behind Clarke’s neck before pulling their faces together in a tender kiss. At first, Clarke was resistant, keeping her mouth closed during the kiss. But when Lexa put her other hand on Clarke’s lower back, she could feel Clarke relaxing into the kiss. Lexa felt Clarke’s tongue pushing at the seam of her own lips. Just as she opened them, she felt Clarke tense and break off the kiss.

When Lexa, heavy-lidded and excited, saw Clarke’s face, she found herself releasing pheromones reeking of embarrassment. She took another step back, trying to keep herself from feeling too hurt. 

But Clarke apparently wasn’t having it. She grabbed Lexa’s hands, intertwining them together and releasing enough soothing pheromones to fill the tent.

"I'm sorry. I—I’m not ready. I can’t trust myself to be with you, not here, not without blowing your secret.”

Lexa nodded, a seed of hope starting to grow. She was about to respond when warriors outside of the tent brought her out of their conversation.

"The signal! Commander, come quick!"

Clarke and Lexa raced out of the tent. When they both saw the flare Raven must have set off, Lexa realized almost in disbelief, that the veil was down.

"Bellamy did it."

"You were right to have faith in him.”

They both turned their heads to face each other before Lexa said, “Now we fight."

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always guys, thank you so much for reading, please feel free to drop feedback in the comments!


	9. Transformations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am pretty happy with how this turned out and I cannot wait to hear what you guys think!
> 
> Lexa's back in Polis doing Heda things. She has an interesting conversation with Indra, and a heart-to-heart with Ezra before a fan favorite shows up in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope everyone is hanging in there during these crazy COVID times. Here's another HCIGBTY chapter to keep y'all busy. Stay safe and be nice to the healthcare workers in your life. They are literally risking their lives every day. This chapter takes place three months since the last time we saw our favorite couple. 
> 
> Also I cannot believe this piece has gotten over 300 kudos, I am so humbled and thankful for you guys and your support. And to all of you regular commenters, you guys are the best <3.

**Lexa**

Lexa was sitting on her throne, staring off to the side as Titus was telling her about a conflict between the _Trishanakru_ and _Yujledakru_. It was incredibly hard to pay attention to the reports about their bickering. These were fights about a strip of land on their shared border the two clans had been fighting about for over one hundred and seventy-five years. 

The last three months had been hard. Ever since she made the impossible decision to turn her back on… she shuddered even thinking about her. Knowing that she had had a hand in creating _Wanheda_ , that she was a part of the reason that Nia had every spy, every assassin from _Azgeda_ looking for her, overwhelmed Lexa with a deep sense of shame.

Lexa felt powerless knowing that despite the truce between the Coalition and _Skaikru,_ there wasn’t anything else she could do to keep Clarke safe. _Except to find her_. The possibility of finding Clarke both excited and terrified her. She knew that the moment Clarke took was a sniff of her, even under all of Ezra’s handiwork, she would be able to tell. Lexa reflexively placed a hand on her stomach. Thankfully, she could still fit into all of her clothes. She knew that most people could not see a difference in her appearance, but Clarke would.

She hadn’t been able to hide from absolutely everyone. Indra had escorted Kane to a secret location outside of the city walls to broker a truce. This was about a month after what happened at the Mountain and two months after her heat. Morning sickness was hitting her hard. She had barely gripped Kane’s forearm in farewell before running out into the woods to vomit.

What she didn’t expect as she doubled over, vomiting up what felt like a week’s worth of meals, was strong, calloused hands pulling her hair away from her face. When she felt like she had nothing left in her stomach, she awkwardly wiped her mouth off on her sleeve before turning to find that those calloused hands belonged to Indra.

When she opened her mouth to speak, Indra interrupted her.

“Shhhhhh, don’t say anything. Just take a deep breath and steady yourself.”

Lexa nodded before taking a deep breath. She looked around, trying to find Kane to apologize, but when she couldn’t see him, Indra replied,

“As soon as you ran, I finished our conversation with Kane, before speaking with one of my most highly trusted scouts who will escort him back to Arkadia.”

Lexa didn’t say anything, avoiding Indra’s gaze as she nodded her approval. She started to make her way back to the trail when Indra uncharacteristically reached for her hand.

“ _Heda_ ”

Lexa stopped in her tracks before slowly turning around.

“I dismissed all of my warriors. It’s just us.”

Lexa suddenly felt the terror and reality of the situation creep up on her. When her hands started shaking, she balled them into fists. She could feel the cold sweat of nerves building up on the back of her neck and her lower back. She knew that she must have been releasing a ton of fear pheromones. On the one hand, she was so tired of having to hide this secret from everyone, including Ezra, but on the other hand, admitting to being pregnant was admitting that she was not an alpha.

“How far along are you?”

“I’m not even sure I am pregnant. My heat’s not supposed to be for another month.”

“But if you were?”

“Eight weeks.”

“Have you met with a _fisa_?”

“Um, I haven’t told anyone.”

“ _Heda_ …”

“I have more fingers on one hand than the number of people alive who know I am an omega. The risk of exposure would be too great.”

“Lexa, it is your responsibility either to take care of this pup,” she paused, taking a deep breath before putting a hand on her shoulder, “or to get rid of it.”

Refusing to respond to Indra, she decided to ask a more pressing question.

“How long have you known?”

“That you are an omega, or that you are pregnant?”

“The first one.”

Indra looked away as if she was considering what to say carefully before responding.

“A few years.”

The knot in her stomach tightened. It appeared that all of the efforts that she, Ezra, Titus, and Anya had been putting into protecting her secret had been for nothing. But Indra interrupted her spiral of anxiety.

“Don’t get me wrong. I assumed you were an alpha when you won the Conclave, and even for a couple of years after.”

“But–”

“–But over the years, there were signs that I couldn’t ignore, like how your brother seemed to be with you at all times, and how despite his own prowess, he never left to become a general in your army. And, contrary to what all you alphas and omegas think, not all betas have the noses of a strawberry bush.”

Lexa took a moment to process all of this before asking her next question.

“So, if you knew all of this time, why didn’t you say anything?”

“Lexa, I didn’t say anything, because I am sworn to defend and obey my _Heda_ whomever that may be.”

Indra put her other hand on the Lexa’s opposite shoulder, before continuing,

“Besides, in all of my years, I have never had the privilege of serving under someone more deserving. All of which is to say, nothing up to this point has ever given me any reason to expose you, and I have no intention of doing so now.”

Lexa nodded before turning her head towards the direction of Polis.

“We should get back before anyone notices how long we have been gone.”

“On one condition: You need to tell someone else about this pup. Ezra, Titus, a _fisa_ , it does not matter to me whom you tell, but regardless of your decision, you are going to need help.”

Lexa sighed before grudgingly nodding. They both started the walk back towards the tunnels that lead underground into the city.

Sitting on her throne, she realized how she never did tell anyone else; she didn’t have to. Two weeks after her conversation with Indra, she was meditating at the foot of her bed when Ezra came into her room, dismissing the guards that normally stood directly outside of the doors. Lexa opened her eyes and watched Ezra as he slowly walked over to her. He sat down with his legs crossed, so close that their knees were practically touching. Instead of looking into his grey-green eyes that mirrored her own, she looked down at a knot in one of the wooden floorboards and began to pick at it. But Ezra grabbed both of her hands before he began to speak.

“I started noticing that your jackets smelled a little differently a couple of weeks ago and didn’t think much of it. But then it just got even stronger. Now, I wasn’t going to say anything at first, because I figured that after the stress that the Mountain placed on you, and the looming threat that _Azgeda_ will start another war, I wanted to wait until you would come to me.”

When Ezra stopped talking, Lexa figured she could only avoid his gaze for so long. But as soon as she relented and gazed into his eyes, he continued.

“But you never did. I am not trying to point fingers or accuse you of anything, but I can’t help but notice how you seem unable to hold any food down. You are actually going to sleep instead of staying up studying every new report that comes your way. It’s not the fact that you seem to be hiding something that concerns me. It’s the fact that you feel like you have to hide it from me.”

Ezra’s face was surprisingly neutral as if he was afraid that showing any emotion would scare her away like a frightened animal. _It’s not far from the truth._ She thought to herself. Every instinct was telling her to run, to leave this conversation. After all of the evidence that Ezra had laid out for her, it was quite clear that there really wasn’t anything she could say to get out of the conversation without telling the truth. But like telling Indra made it feel real about two weeks ago, telling her brother was like admitting it to herself. And she knew that he was going to press her with questions she didn't have the answers to. He would bring up concerns that she herself had spent the last few weeks purposefully burying. After a deep breath in and out, she schooled her features before finally answering him.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

This put a frown on his face.

“The truth.”

“Why do I need to when it seems quite clear that you already know the answer to your question?”

“Because I need to hear it from you directly.”

Lexa looked away again, unable to see the hurt in Ezra’s face.

“Lexa, _beja_ , let me help you.”

She could feel and smell the soothing pheromones that Ezra had released as he squeezed her hands.

“ _Ste yu fulop?_ ” (Are you pregnant?)

Lexa’s breath hitched at the last part of the question. She closed her eyes and took a few breaths before opening them again and looking him straight in the eyes.

“ _Sha_ ”

“Who is the sire?”

“I think you know the answer to that question. There hasn’t been anyone else, since–”

“–Clarke,” he finished the sentence for her.

Now Ezra had turned his face away from Lexa. With his head still turned, he continued.

“I knew spending your heat with her was a bad idea. I told you that, but you did it anyway.”

“Ezra, enough.”

“No, apparently it’s not enough, because not only did you let her knot you, but you didn’t have the sense to take the tea that would have prevented you from getting pregnant in the first place.”

“I would have,” Lexa said defensively, “But Clarke said that the _Skaikru_ doctors give each of them implants that prevent–”

“–I am going to stop you right there. Even if that is true, why didn’t you make the tea and drink it anyway? You knew the risks of getting pregnant.”

Ezra wasn’t yelling. The soothing pheromones had long since been replaced with anger pheromones, but he didn’t raise his voice. He just gave her his best impression of ‘I am disappointed in you,’ voice that made her want to crawl under the floorboards and hide. Of course, all of this was true. It’s not like she hadn’t considered all of these things herself, but hearing it from someone else, especially someone she loved, made it all the more painful.

“I trusted her.”

“You trusted her. That’s the best you could come up with. Lexa, this is the entire _Kongeda_ (Coalition) we are talking about.”

“You don’t think I know that? You don’t think that all of these thoughts haven’t already crossed my mind?”

Ezra stood up and began to pace the room. When he didn’t say anything for a while, and the anger was less present in the air, Lexa began to pick at the knot in the floorboard again. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to get mad, but you have sacrificed so much for this. After Luna ran away, I tried to do everything in my power to help you be in the best position to change the world. To see you end up pregnant and exposed after everything that you have lost is maddening, not for myself, but you.”

“I’m sorry too. I never meant to seem ungrateful for all of the sacrifices you and Anya and everyone else has made and continues to make for me.”

Ezra walked back over to her and reached a hand down to her so she could stand up before taking her to the nearby sofa. Once they were both settled, he turned to her,

“So, what are we going to do to take care of this?”

“You mean, what am _I_ going to do? Well, to be honest, after everything that’s happened, I am unlikely to see Clarke again. It’s early September, and it’s not getting any warmer. She may die out in the forest. Or Nia might get her chance to take _Wanheda’s_ power. Or she may go back to her people and never want to see me again.”

Lexa reflexively placed her hand against her flat stomach without even thinking about it, before saying words that she had barely accepted herself yet,

“No, I am going to keep it. I am going to love it, and raise it, and do everything in my power to make sure that it grows up in a world that is better than the one that we grew up in.”

Lexa put a hand up to keep Ezra from arguing.

“I know it puts a finite amount of time on when I plan on revealing my presentation to the world. But to be honest with you, Dax told me once that I would know when it’s time, and while I don’t have that kind of clarity at the moment, _Keryon_ has not given me any indication that this is a bad decision. It certainly has about decisions I made in the past.”

Lexa put a hand on his shoulder.

“I know you are worried, but I was called to this sacred position for a reason. What was the point of an omega ascending if I was just going to hide who I am for the rest of my life?”

She could see tears building up in his eyes, tears that he was refusing to let spill, as he turned his head away and swallowed his lips. He took a large, shuttering breath, before grabbing Lexa’s hand on his shoulder and kissing the back of it.

“I’m just really scared you are going to get hurt.”

“It’s an unavoidable risk. I know you feel the same sense of dread that I do when one of the younglings presents as an omega. This has to stop.”

He nodded before standing up and saying,

“What’s next then?”

“We try to find Clarke,” that got him to frown, but she continued.

“We find Clarke to have her convince the rest of _Skaikru_ to join the Coalition.”

She knew she had her cynical brother back in the fold when he said,

“What makes you think that we could even find that _branwada?_ She’s made it pretty clear that she does not want to be found.”

“I have a plan.”

After another hour of working out the details, she got a hesitant, but loving brother back on her side. And it culminated in another secret conversation about two weeks later. This time, it was Ezra who was by her side outside the gates of Polis. The large beta male they had ordered to be found had his hands tied behind his back and a bag over his head. A guard was on either side of him as they forced him onto his knees. Lexa gave the guards a signal to take the bag off of his head, and Roan _kom Azgeda_ ’s face came into view of the moonlight.

Lexa observed the man before her as he realized whom he was talking to. Without seeming too surprised, he coolly started the conversation.

“ _Heda_ , if you wanted to see me, all you had to do was ask.” He eyed the guardsmen on either side of him.

“No need for all of these theatrics.”

Lexa allowed herself to smirk before she answered.

“ _Hainofa_ Roan (Prince Roan), I wasn’t the one who banished you in the first place, you would have to talk to Nia to get her to accept you back.”

“Seeing as you are the only one who could override her authority, I am surprised that you haven’t already taken this opportunity to spit in her face by accepting me yourself.”

Lexa pretended to consider it as if his offer was swaying her. She then ordered his hands to be untied and allowed him to stand.

“I could be willing to lift your banishment _if_ you do something for me first.”

When he didn’t say anything, but just raised his left eyebrow as if he was waiting for her to proceed.

“I want you to find the one people call _Wanheda_. Bring her to me, _alive_ , and unharmed, and I will lift your banishment.”

Roan scoffed, “Is that all? My mother, not to mention every Clan leader, has their best spies and assassins out looking for the _Skaialpha_. What makes you think I could do it?”

“Your fighting skills have become somewhat of a legend, plus you seemed to have been able to hide from your own mother for three years. I’m surprised that my scouts were able to find you in only two weeks. Unless you wanted to be found.”

When Roan remained expressionless, Lexa continued, “As for everyone else looking for her, that’s all the more reason for you to hurry up and find her. One of my best warriors will accompany you.”

Roan’s icy blue eyes reflected the moon right off of them as they narrowed.

“Why do you want her?”

“That’s none of your concern.”

“You said you wanted her alive, which makes me think you want to kill her to take her power for yourself.”

Lexa looked away, hoping to make it appear to Roan that he was right and that she was avoiding his gaze.

“But, you also said unharmed, which wouldn’t matter if you were just going to kill her anyway.”

“Do you want your banishment lifted or not?”

Lexa put out her forearm for him to take in agreement. Roan looked down at the offering then back into her eyes before meeting her forearm with his own.

“I do.”

“Then it’s settled.”

Ezra threw him a pack with supplies, and one of her warriors stepped forward, wearing _Azgeda_ armor and white paint. Roan stared at him as if he was deciding whether or not to kill him as soon as they started on their way.

“Roan, this is Poe. He will be with you for your journey.”

Roan bowed his head and said, “ _Mochof, Heda.”_ (Thank you, Commander)

Lexa nodded back before saying, “Good luck, you are going to need it.”

That was four weeks ago. She knew there wasn’t really anything else for her to do but sit and wait and rule as she tried to get preparations in place for _Skaikru_ to become the thirteenth clan. Realizing that forcing herself to listen to Titus wasn’t productive, she stood up, clapped her hands, and said,

“Thank you, Titus, for keeping me informed. I am going to retire to my quarters for some much-needed meditation.”

Titus looked like he was about to argue, or at the very least, try to convince her to keep listening to him. But she just walked out of her throne room before he had the chance to say anything else. She wordlessly walked into the lift and down to the floor below where her quarters were.

As soon as she entered her room, she stripped all of her armor off and fell back on her bed and closed her eyes. It had been a week of incredibly long days, with lots of preparation. She put both hands on her belly. Thankfully, all of her earlier nausea and vomiting had subsided. Despite all of the trouble the tiny pup had already given her, she felt like she had so little to show for it. There was definitely a bump there, not one that she couldn’t hide with her many layers, but enough to know that there was no denying it. Sooner rather than later, there was a pup coming. She knew that she would have to get her clothes adjusted soon. Thankfully, her leather pants laced up so she could keep them looser, but her armor was definitely getting more and more uncomfortable.

During her last conversation with Ezra, they both agreed, they had about a month to get things set up so that it was safe for her to come forward about her presentation. So much had to happen in that time. She only hoped that she would also be able to convince Clarke to be a part of her life, if not romantically, at least for the pup. _Their pup._ Sometimes, she still couldn’t believe that she was going to be a mother. There were times when she felt like ruling over the entire Coalition seemed easier than raising a pup. But she knew that she wanted it, probably more than she had ever wanted anything before.

Lexa felt herself dozing off on her bed when she heard a knock on her door. As she sat up, she yelled back,

“Who is it?”

“It’s Ezra, I wanted to let you know that the Prince has returned, and he’s not empty-handed.”

Roan was back. And if he was back, that meant that Clarke was here. Even if all of the symptoms of morning sickness had subsided, Lexa hated to admit that she had already begun feeling incredibly horny, all of the time. She knew it was dangerous to think this way, but the thought of being around Clarke’s dominating scent made her embarrassingly wet.

Lexa knew that at least part of her should be annoyed that Clarke’s so-called fool-proof birth control failed, but after what happened at the Mountain, and the grief that she felt knowing she likely lost Clarke forever, she was just thrilled that she was going to get to see her again. She also knew that she had to prepare herself for the possibility that Clarke would never forgive her, and she might have to learn to live with that. She thought she was prepared to do so when she had made that deal. But that was before she had started to get sick and she missed her heat about a month ago. Whether Clarke liked it or not, she had tied herself, Lexa couldn’t help but smirk at that thought, to Lexa in unbreakable ways.

Not realizing that Ezra was still waiting for her outside, she got lost in her own thoughts until Ezra opened the door to see her still sitting up on her bed.

“So are you going to get dressed, or should I send him away?” Ezra teased

“Oh, yes, I am going to get ready. Have Titus bring them both up to the throne room. I will be there momentarily.”

Ezra, now fully in the room with the door closed, smirked,

“Down girl, I could smell you the moment I opened the door.”

“Thanks, Ezra.”

“Anytime”, he had a smirk on his face now, “But seriously, I don’t know when you plan on revealing your, ah, condition to Clarke, but how about we don’t tell the entire world you are an omega while we’re at it.”

“If you are telling me to wipe myself down and change my clothes, then get out of here so I can do it quickly.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice.”

Lexa had already taken off her boots and her pants before she entered the bathroom. When she was naked, she looked at herself in the large, cracked bathroom mirror. She knew that even if her belly wasn’t all that big yet, there were other subtle changes. Her hips seemed a little wider than normal, and her nipples were darker. Having larger breasts, in general, was something she wasn’t used to. If she were any other omega, these would all be welcome changes, signs that her body was getting ready to have this pup. Of course, for her, they could be deadly, should they become too obvious and other people started to notice them.

Lexa took a big sigh before she grabbed a rag, dampened it, and then quickly wiped herself off. Once she felt satisfactorily scent-free, she went back into her room to one of her large closets on the side of the wall to grab small clothes.

After getting dressed, including putting her uncomfortable armor back on, she closed her eyes and made a silent prayer to _Keryon._ With nothing left to stall her, she stepped out into the hall. Whatever was supposed to happen when she saw Clarke again would happen. She just had to let everything fall into place. She reached the lift and wordlessly stepped in, holding her breath as it took her one floor up to confront the love of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I know you all read that hoping for a Clexa reunion but I'm saving that for next week when we see a little bit more of what Clarke has been up to for the past three months. 
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading, and leave feedback in the comments.


	10. Confrontations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke lives in the woods for three months, sort of. Then she gets captured by a certain iceman. Chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys so the powers that be have pulled all medical students in the US off of service, which means that I have a little bit more time off, which means more time to write HCIGBTY!
> 
> Also, I know that in the earlier chapters I switched off POV between Lexa and Clarke after every chapter. In the future that won't always happen. Sometimes I really need a certain character to have the POV even if it isn't their turn to do so. I will always let you guys know at the beginning of the chapter whose POV we are following.
> 
> Anyways, I loved all the feedback on the previous chapter! I am so happy you guys dig Ezra as a character, he has really become one of my favorites to write for. Enjoy!

**_Clarke_ **

_Clarke couldn’t believe it. Standing before her, the woman she thought she loved. Her face covered in blood and smeared warpaint. But the real mask was her stoic expression. Someone who didn't know Lexa the way that she did would think that this was Lexa showing her true colors. But it was Clarke, and she knew better. She knew Lexa. Which was what made this all the more heartbreaking._

_Sure, Lexa could use phrases like “I made this decision with my head and not my heart” but that didn’t change the fact that to Clarke, this decision reeked of heart. Clarke felt herself seethe with rage as Lexa halfheartedly said,_

_“May we meet again.”_

_But before Lexa could walk away, Clarke grabbed her arm and brought her in close. Clarke leaned forward and whispered into her ear,_

_“You better hope we don't.”_

_As she released Lexa and she walked away, visibly shaken, her image was replaced with that of dead children, their faces visibly disfigured and burned from the radiation. Of Jasper, weeping over the dead body of Maya. And then he turns to look at her and wails,_

_“What did you do?”_

_“What did you do?”_

_“What did you do?”_

_She tried to run out of the mess hall but as soon as she left the room, she would find herself entering the room again, as she heard Jasper’s plea,_

_“What did you do?”_

Clarke woke up covered in sweat. She sat up in the bed she shared with a blond-haired beta, Niylah. Seeing her with a peaceful expression on her face as she slept put a small smile on her face. Getting to know her over these past three months had been a salve, at least while she was awake, on her wounded soul. Niylah was a good person, who had lost her _nomon_ to the Mountain. While she had expressed gratefulness at first to Clarke for defeating them, she didn’t gravel or hold her up any more than Clarke was willing to hold up herself. 

Still, her feelings about Niylah were, _complicated_ to say the least. Seeing Niylah sleep, Clarke could not help but feel envious of her ability to sleep through the night. Niylah had been instructing her, teaching her to hunt for herself, training her to fight. About a month after she left Camp Jaha behind, her rut had started. When Niylah offered to help her, as tempting as that sounded, Clarke was unwilling, unable to spend it with anyone, _anyone else_ aside from the one person who has caused her so much pain and torment. 

If Niylah had been disappointed, she didn’t show it, she just nodded before showing her a hand-drawn map. The map was of this region of _Trikru_ territory. About a day’s journey away was a bunker, not the same bunker of course, but a place Clarke could go to hole-up, away from anyone else.

To say that her rut was miserable was putting it mildly. She had never experienced a true rut, not without suppressants. It might have been easier if she didn’t already know what it was like to be that intimate with someone. To be tied, to be so close to them that it was impossible to tell where one person ended and the other began. But she did know, and with her imagination firing on all cylinders, her dreams, her fantasies all focused on one particularly beautiful omega, with perfect cheekbones and a jawline that could cut someone open. With the most glorious grey-green eyes that revealed everything that the rest of her face wouldn’t. Whose soft lips drove her crazy and demanded to be sucked on. And that was just her face.

All of which is to say, Clarke spent seven hapless days hard and uncomfortable, forced to touch herself to at least stave off the pain. But staving off the pain was the extent of her abilities. What she needed was a willing participant someone who wanted her to bottom out into. As much as she wanted to accept Niylah’s offer, as much as she hoped an unmated omega would near the bunker and hear her call, a part of her knew, even in the throes of rut that should one present themselves to her, unless it was Lexa, she would turn them away.

Thankfully, her rut ended, and she was able to make it back to Niylah’s trade post physically unharmed but emotionally wrecked. But she was incredibly grateful for all that Niylah had done for her.

Clarke remembered the first time that they met. Clarke had shot a deer with her gun. She did not know how to treat the meat, so when she stumbled on the trading post, she presented the deer, hoping that whoever worked there would skin and salt the meat for her in exchange for taking some of the meat for themselves.

What she did not bargain for was a scolding from the beta. The beta she would learn called herself Niylah, explained that the location that Clarke had shot the deer had ruined the best part of the meat. Exasperated and starving, she could help but exclaim,

“I don’t know how to do this. Please, just teach me how to skin this and you will never have to hear from me again.”

Niylah came from around the counter and placed a hand on Clarke’s shoulder. After two weeks away from Camp Jaha, and any human interaction, a touch, even benign felt strange if not unwelcome.

“I will skin the deer for you, but that’s not enough, if you plan on surviving by yourself, you are going to have to learn a lot more than how to prepare meat for yourself.”

And that was how their friendship began. While Niylah’s father ran the trading post, Niylah taught Clarke how to hunt, how to walk like a shadow amongst the trees. She started to speak exclusively in _Trigedasleng_ for Clarke to learn the language. She taught her how to fight, first with her firsts in hand to hand and then with a staff and then with swords. Clarke was never soft, and after time spent with the other delinquents where food was scarce, any baby fat she used to have was gone. But now, with long training sessions and nutritious food. She had begun to harden. Her alpha metabolism set into high gear. In short, with Niylah’s help, she had thrived. 

But with time, Clark had found that the intimacy being around Niylah provided was too much. She felt like she didn’t deserve it. And frankly, it was beginning to force her to confront the exact things she was hoping to avoid by running away.

About two weeks ago, ten weeks since she left Camp, she and Niylah were sparring. It was going well, Clarke had even managed to drop Niylah on her ass for a change. When they stopped for a water break, Niylah took a seat on a fallen log bordering the clearing that they were training in. She patted the spot next to her to get Clarke to sit down.

With them both facing forward, Niylah with her hands clasped and her elbows on her knees. Clarke tucked her hands underneath her legs as she stared off at the clearing. She had earned many bruises and scrapes there. If anything, this one area within the forest helped transform her into a new person. One who could hide and disappear. Lost in that thought, Niylah interrupted her daze.

“Clarke, what are you doing here?”

“What do you mean, we were sparring.”

“No I mean, what are you doing hanging around the trading post, sharing a bed with me?”

“If you feel that I have used you in some way–”

“Clarke, why are you avoiding your people?”

“I’m not, Niylah I needed some time away from them. Now I appreciate all that you have done for me, but I don’t answer to you.”

Niylah took a large sigh before turning to face Clarke.

“I’m sorry Clarke, I don’t mean to pry but I care about you. And I feel like you are punishing yourself by isolating yourself from the people you love.”

“I am not isolating myself from you”

Niylah looked down at her hands.

“Clarke, I enjoy spending time with you. And I am honored to be able to teach _Wanheda_ anything she wishes to know after avenging my family”

Clarke felt herself shutter after hearing that name. Commander of Death. If only she were that powerful. Maybe she could have saved all of those innocent children.

“But I can’t help but feel that you are hanging around when your heart is somewhere else. With someone else”

“I don’t know what you are talking about”

_Who did Niylah think she was_? Clarke thought to herself. Why would she make such assumptions?

“ _Clarke,_ only an alpha who was mated or at the very least, had an incredibly strong connection with someone could refuse an unmated beta or omega during their rut.”

Mated? What the hell was Niylah talking about? She wasn’t mated. Did she feel a certain pull towards Lexa after they had shared her heat? Of course. It would have been impossible not to after all of that time together. But she certainly wasn’t was attached to Lexa, at least not like that. She just didn’t feel comfortable being with someone else.

“Just because I rejected you doesn’t mean that I couldn’t be open to someone else.”

Clarke said rather coolly. Niylah had turned her head away from Clarke. _Well, shit, that’s not what I meant,_ Clarke thought to herself.

“Wait, Niylah, I’m sorry that was rude of me–”

“No, you’re right, I’m sorry for making any assumptions.”

“I’m not saving my heart for anyone at the moment.”

Niylah turned her head back to Clarke as if she was going to say something, but instead, she grabbed one of Clarke’s hands and squeezed it. Before Clarke could say anything else, Niylah was standing up and offering her a hand.

“C’mon, there’s still a couple of hours of daylight left.”

She threw Clarke a staff before saying,

“I have to pay you back for that last drop you pulled on me”

The past two weeks had been a reminder to Clarke of how genuinely good Niylah was. Clarke didn’t want to cause any trouble for her. If there was one thing her life had taught her, it was that being close to her inevitably brought loss and despair. She still couldn’t get Jasper’s face out of her dreams. For the past two weeks, she had been going off on extra hunts, drying and stocking up on food both for herself and as payment for the few things she needed from the trading post.

As she sneaked out of bed, she quietly grabbed her clothes and her boots and the leather armor that Niylah’s father had gifted her after she managed to slay a panther. Every time she put on the armor, she thought about that panther, how she almost lost all function in her shoulder. She managed to remove and clean the teeth and made a necklace. Another reminder of her time amongst the trees and with Niylah.

Clarke put the necklace on before grabbing her pack and stepping out of Niylah’s bedroom and into the main area of the trading post. She sighed as she took one last long look at the place. It wasn’t much, but for the two and a half months she spent there, it was a place that didn’t need her to give absolutely everything of herself for it to simply exist. She knew she still had work to do, if only because she still had problems she was running from. But at least now she felt confident that she would be able to do it alone without starving to death this winter.

Clarke stepped outside the trading post feeling sad but convinced she had done the right thing. That is until someone from behind her put a cloth with some type of chemical over her mouth and nose. Clarke tried to hold her breath, move her head side to side, anything to avoid breathing in whatever was plastered to her nose. Arms as strong as steel kept her hands glued to her side. As she felt her consciousness slipping away, a gruff voice spoke into her ear,

“Don’t worry about the girl, she’ll be safe.”

###

Clarke thought it was funny how she spent three months in and out of that trading post, but the day she decided to leave it for good was the day she got captured. After getting close enough to the face of the man who had captured her, she realized he was from the Ice Nation based on his scars. A very large beta with strong features and ice-blue eyes. For a beta he was particularly strong-willed, if Clarke wasn’t in the predicament she was currently in, she might even say she was impressed.

Currently, she was bound up and tied to a pole in an underground subway station, or the remnants of one at least. Having to sit on the ground with her arms tied was incredibly uncomfortable but after two attempts at escape on the way there, she knew she did this to herself. She smiled thinking about it. The first time, they were near a river when she tried to make him submit. And he did. Got on his knees with his head turned to the side and everything. But with her hands bound, and how dehydrated she was, she didn’t have time to run away. While Roan was kneeling, he knocked her legs out from under her, forcing her to put an end to the dominance display as she lay there with the wind knocked out of her. She wasn’t prepared to make that mistake again. Then there was the time that they encountered the other Ice Nation scouts. What she assumed would be a chance to incite enough chaos for her to escape, ended with all of the scouts dead, and regrettably, she was still stuck with this beta man as her captor. But at least she was able to get ahold of a knife and stab him. He wouldn’t get away with taking her without a few scrapes. All of this led to where she was now, bound in place and forced to watch as her captor started a fire and with a knife being heated by the flames.

The beta had his back to her as stripped off his armor and clothing in order to address his stab wound. He had scars on his back that were shaped like wings. Even in the position Clarke was in, she could appreciate the artistry. And the back that the scars belonged to. Her captor interrupted her thoughts as he said,

“Another inch and I’d be dead.” He turned his head towards her as he said, “Maybe you’re not the Commander of Death after all.”

Not wanting to engage, or be caught checking out her captor, Clarke turned her head so that she was facing forward.

“Now she’s quiet.”

Still facing forward, Clarke asked, “Why are you hiding from your own people?”

She turned to face him in the hopes that he would give her an answer, of course, he opted to be cryptic by answering her question with a question of his own.

“Why’d you run away from yours?”

He turned around as he asked the question. Unwilling to talk about the pain she felt when she thought about the sacrifices she had to make in order to keep those she loved safe, she said nothing and just observed. She could help but appreciate his impressive torso before he squatted down in front of the fire to grab the knife now an angry shade of orange. He stood up and pressed the hot blade to his lower left abdomen where Clarke had stabbed him. A satisfying hiss reached her ears at the sound of the knife cauterizing the wound. He grunted at the pain.

“The great _Wanheda_ ”, he said wryly.

He then walked right in front of her face as he waved the still hot knife in her face.

“Mountain slayer”

Clarke looked at the blade before looking up into his ice-blue eyes.

“I’m no one”

He stopped waving the knife in her face before bringing it down by his side before he said,

“Lot of people out there right now, looking for no one”

“You’re obviously not loyal to the Ice Nation. So why are you taking me there?”

Her captor did not answer her question, just silently turned around and walked back towards the fire. As he walked away, Clarke took a chance and said,

“Look, whatever the Ice Queen is giving you, my people will offer you more.”

With his back still to Clarke, he said, “Doubt that. Not for someone who abandoned them.”

Exasperated and tired, Clarke responded, “You don’t know anything about me.”

“I know you took the coward’s way out.”

“Like you’re so different.”

He remained standing, with his back to her as she pushed forward.

“You’re in disguise, same as me. You’re on the run, same as me. In the wilderness, same as me.”

“I was _banished,_ ” he said, rather shortly, “nothing like you”

He slowly turned around, “ _you had a choice._ So no, I can’t take you home to your people.”

He walked closer to her as he said, “Cause you’re the way back home to mine.”

He squatted down to put the gag back over her mouth.

###

After a brief run-in with Bellamy, Clarke had to promise to go willingly from then on to prevent her captor from killing him. But that also meant that he placed a bag over her head for the rest of the way. And for the next couple of hours, Clarke had to struggle with her footing as they walked through the forest, avoiding any trails to prevent any more run-ins with scouts or assassins or anyone looking to cash in on the bounty over her head. Niylah had taught her how to move through the forest, even at night, but that wasn’t while she was being bound and dragged forward with a rope.

At some point, she was pretty sure that they had gone underground again based on the way that the noises bounced off the walls and the lack of light coming through the sack over her head. Frankly, she was just relieved to be on flat ground.

Eventually, light started to filter into the bag again and she found that she was being pulled up a series of steps. Finally, her captor stopped pulling her forward and she found herself going higher when she realized she must be in something similar to an elevator like from the movies she watched as a kid from before the bombs.

All of sudden, she felt surrounded by people as she heard _Trigedasleng_ being spoken all around her. She sent a silent thank you to Niylah once again for teaching her the language because at least now, she wasn’t entirely in the dark, at least not figuratively anyway. 

In a room that allowed a fair amount of light into the bag, she heard her captor say,

“ _Wanheda, kom ai don swega kiln_ ” (Wanheda, as I promised)

Her captor urged her forward until he pushed her on to her knees. Clarke felt a wave of panic overwhelm her. She had heard the rumors; how ruthless the Ice Queen could be. If she had even an inkling of her relationship with Lexa however much Clarke saw that as part of her past, she knew that she would be tortured, and her death would likely be as drawn out and painful as possible. A small, sad part of her mourned for Lexa, knowing that her death would likely cause the omega pain. But she got over that quickly and tried to revel in the thought that maybe she would experience a fraction of the heartbreak she felt over what she did at the Mountain. 

The thought of Lexa brought to mind the smells of pine, earth and fresh rain. Then she realized that she wasn’t imagining it. _Wait._ But before she could process anything further, the bag over her head was ripped off and she felt temporarily blinded as unfiltered light hit her face for the first time in hours. 

The figure sitting on the throne in front of her stood up, blocking some of the sunlight and allowing her to finally see who exactly her captor had brought her to. Standing before her, in all of her _Heda_ glory, full armor and pauldron attached to her left shoulder and snaking around her side. Everything besides the warpaint. _Lexa._

Seeing her, knowing that for all intents and purposes, what she did at the Mountain had caused her no physical damage, that she was okay, filled Clarke with unspeakable rage. Had she not been so exhausted and recovering from the panic she had felt at the prospect of being traded for someone else’s freedom like a sow being traded for a dowry, she might have had an easier time containing her anger pheromones. But her mouth tasted like magma and her eyes tinged with red and she knew for the first time what it felt like to experience bloodlust. She wanted this omega dead, and she didn’t care who was in the room to know about it. 

But Lexa just stepped closer as if she was examining the sow she was about to inherit. Clarke could see the disappointment on her face, but exactly why she felt that way was unclear.

“The deal was for you to bring her to me unharmed,” Lexa said, this time in English.

Clarke watched as Lexa focused her attention over her shoulder, presumably back towards her captor.

“She didn’t come easy”

Lexa’s gaze fell back on Clarke as she made a small nod, “I’d expect not”

That just renewed all of Clarke’s anger. Who did Lexa think she was? What made her think that she could nod as if she knew her as if she understood the pain Clarke was going through. Clarke could not help but seethe. She could see in her peripheral vision some of the warriors around her visibly react to her anger. _Good. At least someone here is acknowledging how I feel._

Over her shoulder, her captor said, “I’ve done my part. Now do yours. Lift my banishment.”

Clarke studied Lexa’s face as her attention was forced back to her captor.

“I’m told your mother’s army marches on Polis”

_Wait what? Mother’s army that could only mean–_

“That has nothing to do with me. Honor our deal.”

“I’ll honor our deal when your queen honors my coalition. Lock Prince Roan of Azgeda away.”

All of a sudden, Clarke’s anger subsided slightly but only because she all at once realized that she was once again a pawn in a game where she couldn’t see all of the players. She turned her head so she could watch as guards seized the prince before her attention was brought back to Lexa.

A bald man dressed in what appeared to be ceremonial robes spoke,

“What of _Wanheda_?”

Lexa put both hands in the air as if to wave everyone away as she ordered,

“ _Leave us_ ”

After almost everyone had left the room, Lexa turned her head over her left shoulder and said,

“You too Ezra”

Clarke watched as they exchanged eye contact for a tense moment before she saw him sulk as he left the throne room.

When everyone aside from Lexa and the two guards were left in the room, Lexa brought all of her attention back on to Clarke.

In _Trigedasleng_ , Lexa told her guards,

_“Help her up”_

As Clarke awkwardly shuffled up into a standing position, still gagged and with her hands behind her back, Lexa stepped forward into her space. She felt Lexa trying to push out soothing pheromones. Clarke was doing everything in her power to combat the effect they were having on her. Clarke knew she was still pushing out her rage into the ether for all to smell. But with Lexa so close to her for the first time since the Mountain, Clarke found her body aching to touch her, to _protect her_ , in ways that she never felt before. Not even with Lexa when they were together. She still felt the rage, but this close, she felt her arousal bubble up to the surface, and the need to reduce the physical space between them. 

But of course, they were not alone in that room, there were still the two large beta guards on either side of her. And the doors were still open, so it was safe to assume that Ezra was hiding behind one of them. Even if all of those obstacles weren’t there, this was still the woman that invaded her life, overwhelmed her senses and made her feel something as great as her sense of duty to her people. And then she threw her away. What she couldn’t forgive were the choices that she forced her to subsequently make, the burdens that relentlessly overtook her sleep every night. All of the peace she felt amongst the trees and with Niylah, all of the walls she had built around her shame and guilt had been knocked down. It was unbearable. 

That’s when it hit her. In what felt like the worst case of déjà vu, Clarke realized that buried underneath all of Ezra’s scent marked clothing was Lexa’s omega scent. Except it was different. Intermixed with the pine, earth, fresh rain and lily of the valley was the smell of saltwater. Now there were only two reasons an omega’s scent would change like that, the first and permanent way was to exchange mating marks. Seeing as Clarke knew that they most certainly did not do that, it had to be the only other reason Lexa was smelling like her. She was pregnant, and it was Clarke’s. _Shit._ A whole extra level of dread crawled up her throat. 

That’s when she looked at Lexa again. Her face was a little fuller. Not much, but someone who had spent as much time this close to her face could notice. And her armor seemed to be fitting differently too. For a millisecond, Clarke could see the panic reach Lexa’s eyes as if she thought that Clarke was going to expose her. And for a split second, Clarke was hoping that she would remove the gag so she could shout it to the world. Lexa was lying to all of them. That they should find another Commander because this one had betrayed all of them, just like she betrayed Clarke. But then that primal need to protect her seemed to grab Clarke by the brainstem and she realized that she could never do that, even if right now that was what she wanted. 

Unlike when they first met, she was still too furious with Lexa to release soothing pheromones. She had no intention of assuaging Lexa’s fears. Even if she wasn’t capable of harming her, she didn’t want Lexa to know that. But she tampered down her anger pheromones at least enough so that everyone in the room could take a breath.

That’s when Lexa looked at her and said,

“I’m sorry”, before taking the gag out of her mouth and then continuing, “that it had to be this way.”

“I had to ensure that _Wanheda_ didn’t fall into the hands of the Ice Queen.”

_Of course_. This was just political. If people weren’t looking for her, Clarke wondered if Lexa would have ever found her to tell her that she was having her pup. She doubted it. But Lexa interrupted her thoughts.

“ _War is brewing Clarke_.”

Clarke watched as Lexa took a gulp before saying somewhat pleadingly,

“I need you.”

And that’s what brought all Clarke’s rage back to the surface. Amongst all of her confusing thoughts about seeing Lexa, seeing her this way, and all of the hatred and shame she had felt about herself that she was too afraid to confront so she pushed it all on to the woman in front of her. And then Lexa dared to tell her that she _needed her_. Tough shit, where was Lexa when Clarke asked for the same? She was gone. 

That’s when Clarke spit in Lexa’s face.

The guards on either side of Clarke seized her arms as she began to scream,

“You bitch! You wanted the Commander of Death, you got her!”

“Ahhhh” Clarke roared

If she weren’t quite so exhausted, she would have tried to force the beta guards to submit, but after running on adrenaline for so long, the best she could do was thrash with rage and frustration.

When that wasn’t enough, as she was being taken out of the throne room she yelled over her shoulder,

“I’ll kill you”

As she continued to thrash, her suspicions about Ezra hiding behind the door proved to be right. Out of her peripheral vision, she saw him just as his fist made contact with her temple and everything faded to black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a couple of things here:
> 
> I know I didn't say this explicitly in the fic but I just want to make it clear that Clarke does not ever have a sexual relationship with Niylah in this fic. 
> 
> During that one shirtless scene between Roan and Clarke, after watching that scene an embarrassing amount of times in order to write this, I feel like Clarke is checking Roan out. I know that might make people feel weird about it for any number of reasons, his age, he's a man, he's not Lexa, etc.
> 
> But even in this weird world of A/B/O, I have tried to establish that Clarke likes both men and women and when a completely shredded man is standing in front of her shirtless, even if she would never act on it, she's going take a quick peek ;), she's only human after all. 
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading and supporting this fic! Stay safe out there (wash your hands). Please send feedback in the comments, as those of you do know, I almost always write back!


	11. In the Meantime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa scolds Ezra for punching Clarke, Ezra tells her some things she might not want to hear. Then Lexa spends her days doing everything she can to avoid going to Clarke's room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know this isn't my usual chapter dropping day, but with the extra update this past Sunday, I had to do some errands that I was putting off.
> 
> Anyways I hope you all enjoy the chapter and are staying safe!

**Lexa**

“I’ll kill you”

Before Lexa could respond, Ezra appeared from behind one of the doors and punched Clarke in the temple, leaving her unconscious. Lexa watched in horror as Clarke collapsed. Ezra managed to catch her as she was falling forward and then picked her up bridal style. He walked closer to the entrance of the throne room, clearly not knowing what to do next. Annoyed and exasperated, Lexa took in a large sigh before walking up to her brother.

Wordlessly, she reached for Clarke’s neck to feel for a pulse. It was only after she found one that she realized that she had been holding her breath. She wanted to strangle Ezra. What the hell was he thinking? He knew that they needed Clarke and her people on their side, the last thing Lexa wanted was to have to explain to Clarke why Ezra had knocked her out. It was just another way that Clarke would perceive the gulf of trust between them. The one Lexa was trying to close.

Knowing they were not alone, Lexa told one of the beta guards to take Clarke from Ezra and bring her to the quarters two floors down. She wanted a _fisa_ to see Clarke immediately and then again as soon as she woke up. She also wanted two guards outside her door at all times. She made it clear them that Clarke was allowed to leave but that no one was allowed to enter unless given expressed permission from herself.

When Clarke was gone, and it was just Ezra and her in the throne room, she closed the doors and went outside to the balcony. When Ezra joined her, she felt all of her frustration come out at once,

“What were you thinking?”

“You mean when I was handling the threat against your life?”

“Oh she wasn’t going to hurt me and she already had a guard on either side of her”

Ezra took a deep breath before he responded,

“ _Leksa_ , you know better than that, she threatened the life of the Commander, and not in an _Azgedan_ village two weeks’ ride from here, but ten feet away. If it were anyone else, that kind of threat would have landed them in a jail cell at the very least. Or have you forgotten”

When Lexa didn’t respond, Ezra pressed on.

“She insulted you to your face and in response, you placed her in the highest chambers below only your own. I know that she is important to you, and the future that you are so passionate about. But we don’t live in the future, we live right now.”

When Lexa rewarded Ezra's response with silence, he reached out for her hand. Lexa was too stubborn to look him in the eyes, opting instead to stare down at the city she loved.

“ _Sis_ , what did you think was going to happen when she saw you again?”

Lexa took a deep breath before looking back at Ezra.

“I don’t know, that she wouldn’t spit in my face I guess.”

“Do think she knows?”

Lexa felt his gaze travel down to her stomach before coming back to her face. 

“Yes”

“Well considering how angry she is, at least she didn’t scream your secrets at the top of her lungs.”

“That’s setting expectations pretty low don’t you think?”

“Maybe, but Ryder is one of my favorite royal guards, and I would have hated having to kill him.” 

When Ezra smirked, Lexa couldn’t help but roll her eyes and take her hand away from Ezra’s. The last thing she needed at the moment was another reminder of the costs of maintaining her secret. 

“What will you do now?”

“Honestly, I need some time to think, alone.”

“Then I suggest you get out of here before Titus finds you to give you a lecture.”

Lexa conceded, “That’s probably the best advice you’ve given me all day”

“Baby _sis_ , I am more than just a pretty face.”

Lexa didn’t honor that with a response, she just turned around and walked away. She could hear his laughter as she left the balcony and couldn’t help but smile once her back was to him. She didn’t want to encourage such behavior. 

Once Lexa was back in her chambers, she peeled off her armor and picked up some of the intelligence briefings that she had yet to read. Keeping her mind focused on the task at hand was incredibly difficult. She would read something about _Azgeda_ army movements or _Skaikru_ territorial expansion further into _Trikru_ lands, but her mind would always find its way back to her time with Clarke in that throne room. Lexa had been in some tough conversations, adjudicated feuds between families that had lasted four generations. But never had she felt rage in that throne room like she felt a couple of hours ago. 

In some ways, being found out by Clarke during their first encounter felt eerily similar to when Clarke discovered she was pregnant. She knew the exact moment when Clarke figured it out. Clarke looked at her like she had landed a blow to her face. Lexa felt that same primal fear she felt all those weeks ago, the fear of being exposed, of having nowhere to hide. But instead of trying to comfort her, this time Lexa just stood there as Clarke spit in her face. 

Lexa was the first to admit that their first interaction with each other after the Mountain was going to be rough, but never did she anticipate Clarke would threaten to kill her. _Not now, not when she was like this._ But how could she have ever expected anything different? It was arrogant to expect that Clarke would ever want to be a part of her life again. She placed the intelligence report stack on her desk and walked to her couch to take a nap. 

A couple of hours later, a knock on the door woke her up. It turned out to be Ezra with a tray full of food. After bringing it to her dining table, he offered to stay with her as she ate. But Lexa didn’t want any company. She didn’t want to be reminded about what happened earlier in the day. All she wanted was to eat something and then go to bed so she could end one of the worse days she had ever had. 

Ezra nodded before taking her armor and quietly leaving through a secret doorway that led to his chambers. Well, more like led to a private staircase that no one else knew about that led to his chambers. One of the first things she asked Titus for help with after he found out she was an omega was for a discreet way for Ezra to go in and out of her room. It turned out that many Commanders in the past who had chosen not to take a mate used that staircase to usher in omegas and betas particularly during ruts. Lexa liked to think that she was using them for a better purpose, but who was really to say.

Shortly after finishing her meal, her staff manager, Meela came to take her tray away. A woman in her late forties, she had hair as black as a raven's feathers. She had amber colored eyes that always made her seem cat-like with how brilliantly they glowed. She had skin so pale that Lexa had always thought that you could see all of the veins in her body. When she was little, Meela would sometimes read to her while she sat in her lap. She would trace the veins on her calves until Meela would pat her hands away. 

Meela was her staff manager, but more than that, she ensured that the hospitality of the tower ran like a Swiss watch. And she was also the only member of her staff that knew her true presentation. Which was why she often was the one to take care of Lexa after hours in the happenstance that Lexa was out of her armor and her true scent exposed. Meela had been working at the tower since before Lexa was born and she knew Lexa better than almost anyone else. So when it came time for her to collect Lexa’s tray, when Meela hovered Lexa could not help but groan.

“Say what you need to say”

“ _Leksa_ , I think you know me better than that”

Meela was eyeing her suspiciously.

“It went bad today. Really bad”

“I heard, it’s all the staff have been talking about”

Lexa groaned again, “Perfect”

“ _Branwada_ , your people care about you. They would die several times over for you if they could. All they know is that the _Skaialpha_ disrespected you.”

_That’s one way of putting it._ Lexa sighed.

“Did she figure it out?”

“What?”

Lexa felt herself get a little uneasy. Meela knew she was an omega, but Lexa never told her about Clarke or her heat. And she hadn’t said anything about being pregnant. Resigned, she realized that if Indra could figure it out with their limited time together over the past few months, her staff manager must have put it together. Before she could respond, Meela pressed forward.

“ _Leksa_ , I have known you since before you could walk, if you thought that I wasn’t going to figure out that you were going to have a _strikon_ (little one) of your own you have another thing coming.”

Lexa tried to not look sheepish, “I didn’t want to disappoint you by telling you how irresponsible I have been.”

Meela put her hand under Lexa’s chin bringing Lexa’s gaze back to her eyes.

“You need to hear me when I say this. In all my time working in this tower, you have always been the pride of everyone who works here. I know the life that _Keryon_ has chosen for you has been a lonely one, know that you aren’t alone, and you haven’t disappointed me.”

Lexa had to fight to keep the tears from escaping her eyes. Growing up, Meela had been the closest thing Lexa had to a mother. The nature of their relationship changed when she ascended yet somehow, Meela always seemed to know what to say when she needed it most.

Eventually, Lexa just nodded and Meela moved her hand from Lexa’s chin to her shoulder and squeezed it.

“Besides, who do you think was adjusting your meals to include as many fruits and vegetables as possible?”

That made Lexa laugh, she wondered why almost all of her dinners were including twice as many vegetables as usual. Of course, Meela was still finding ways to take care of her.

“Your bath has been filled with hot water, is there anything I can get you, before you bed?”

“No, I think you have given me exactly what I needed. _Mochof_ Meela”

Meela just placed her hand on Lexa’s cheek before she kissed Lexa’s forehead, took the tray and left. With nothing left to do but sulk by herself, Lexa made her way to her bathroom once again and stripped her clothing. She could not bear to look at herself in her mirror as she got into the ceramic bathtub. She spent a full ten minutes in the bathtub just staring at her feet. 

Eventually, she realized that she was going to have to wash the days’ pheromones off of her body and she could either do it in cold water or she could do it while the water was still warm. She began the process of scraping the dead skin cells off of skin. She used to hate doing it. It was time-consuming and during the first few months, irritating to her skin. 

She remembered the first time she complained to Anya about doing it. They were sparring when she mentioned that she wished she could just go and bathe like any other _natblida_. Within a fraction of a second, Anya had her on her ass. 

“ _Leksa_ , whether you like it or not, the Spirit of the Commander has chosen you.”

Lexa remembered clamoring up to a standing position before saying,

“I don’t see how that’s possible, it’s not like I have even won the Conclave yet. There are alphas twice my age who are eligible, sometimes I feel like I am going through all of these extra steps even though I probably won’t ascend at all.” 

With her staff still relaxed, Lexa hadn’t anticipated that Anya would use her staff to sweep Lexa off her feet once again. 

“Enough. _Heda_ Dax, your brother, and I are all taking great risks to assure that you will become the next _Heda_. You need to do your part too. Which means scrubbing yourself raw every night.”

Lexa felt her lip tremble. She remembered when Dax sprung all of that information on her, but it didn’t seem real until she started her first heat. Anya’s face softened slightly as she offered a hand to her.

“You’ll get through this _strikon_. You just have to trust that the Spirit of the Commander will guide you to where you are supposed to be.”

What felt so confusing and frustrating back then had become routine now. These days, the extra time she spent in the tub gave her time to mull over the day’s meetings or intelligence briefings. The only part that still irritated her was scrubbing her scent glands. That always felt like someone was pinching her skin. But like all the precautions she had to take, it helped keep her safe. 

After Lexa had finished scrubbing her body down, she quickly washed her hair and put it in a loose braid before putting on small clothes and a large shirt. When she was back in her sleeping quarters, she blew out most of the candles still lighting the room except the ones on her nightstand. Lexa decided a little bit of fiction before bed might be a good thing to get her mind off of the day’s events. But when Lexa found herself reading the same line of _The Merchant of Venice_ for the fourth time, she realized just how exhausted the day had truly left her. She closed the book, blew out the candles, and began what would be a fitful few hours of sleep.

###

Lexa had been in and out of sleep, kicking all of the furs off of her bed, soaking her nightshirt, when she was pulled out of sleep suddenly. She had an urge to go see Clarke. Something was wrong, she wasn’t quite sure what it was, but she needed to get to Clarke.

Lexa didn’t pause to put more clothes on, she just ran to the secret stairwell she and Ezra normally used and flew down the stairs two at a time until she reached the floor below. The hidden door on the floor opened into Clarke’s room. On a different day, she would consider why she had assigned Clarke these specific quarters with access to the secret stairwell, but when she heard Clarke scream she ran through the door without another thought.

Clarke was in bed, covered in a layer of sweat and still asleep. While she wasn't screaming anymore, she was muttering to herself,

"I didn't want to do it. _She made me do it_ "

Lexa realized that she must have been having a nightmare. Knowing that Clarke was safe, reality started to creep back in. If Clarke knew that she had invaded her space, well she wasn’t entirely sure what Clarke would do. But seeing Clarke in distress made her feel awful. She couldn’t just leave her like that. 

Lexa slowly walked towards the bed, careful to avoid making any noise. Without touching Clarke, she pushed out all of the soothing pheromones she could muster. She watched as Clarke slowly started to breathe better. The words she was muttering became unintelligible mumbles, before stopping altogether. The crease in between Clarke’s eyebrows relaxed. She stopped thrashing in her sleep. The anxiety and terror pheromones dissipated. 

Satisfied that her pheromones had helped, but not wanting to overstay her welcome, Lexa quietly walked back to the door hidden in the wall. After closing it quietly she walked back up to her room and went to bed. As soon as her head hit the pillow she fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.

###

Two days after Clarke had been brought to the tower, Lexa felt pent up nerves and stress that she needed to release. Lexa woke up while it was still dark outside, grabbed a snack and practically ran down the four flights of stairs to spar against Ezra. Even though she had her private floor of the tower to train on, the earlier she got up, the less likely she would bump into anyone. She always loved sparring with Ezra. Growing up, he was five years older than her and had five more years of experience. But the closer Lexa got to adulthood and the more intensive training she got as an alpha nightblood, they became increasingly better matched. Ezra stood ten inches taller than her, but her size granted her a certain amount of speed that his bulk could not account for. And the endurance nightblood offered meant that Lexa could tire him out.

But Lexa wasn’t just training to clear her head, she could feel it deep in her gut, war was coming. And she needed to be safe not just for herself, but for her pup. But the edge in endurance that the black blood flowing in her veins usually brought her seemed to lessen the further along she was in her pregnancy. She got winded easier, touches from Ezra’s staff that usually wouldn't land, did. His last blow almost landed in her lower abdomen. Thankfully, he stopped before the staff touched her skin.

“ _Leksa_ , you have to be more careful. You don’t just have to protect the heart that's up here,” he relaxed his body and placed a flat hand above her chest. 

“You also have to protect the heart down there as well.” This time when he went to move his hand to her lower abdomen she instinctually moved away. 

“I know.” Lexa turned away, it had been over an hour, she needed to get back to her quarters to bathe and get ready for the day.

“If Nia challenges you, you can bet that you will have to fight in _solo gonplei._ ” Ezra sighed in frustration, 

“I won’t be able to protect you”

Lexa was still catching her breath as she patted her forehead with a towel.

“You don’t need to lecture me on the importance of being prepared for anything at all times”

Before he could respond, she walked across the gym floor and opened the door to their stairwell before jogging the flights up the stairs until she got to her quarters.

When she went into the bathroom, a hot bath was waiting for her. She quickly scrubbed the workout off of her body before she got dressed. Meela brought her morning breakfast that she ate quietly while Meela braided her hair. Soon after, Ezra, still sheepish from their conversation earlier came through the doorway hidden in the wall to give her the fresh jackets and light armor she wore in the tower. Before she left her chambers, Titus came by like he always did before the day started to discuss the day’s schedule, and what the alpha, omega and youngling natblidas were up to during the day.

Hearing what the omega natblidas were up to was always a highlight, if anything because it took years for Titus to be given access to their schedules. He may have been the liaison between the Order and the Commander, but when a natblida presented as an omega, they were removed from _Heda’s_ reasonability and jurisdiction. So even if she couldn’t change their schedules, access to what they were up to was a hard-earned right.

This week, her schedule was packed with time spent between Titus and Indra in preparation for the _Skaikru_ delegation to come to Polis for the first time. Only Titus knew that she planned to offer them admission into the _Kongeda_. As far as everyone else was concerned, this was a summit to discuss negotiations, to reopen the truce tentatively made two months ago after relative peace. What _Skaikru_ likely didn’t understand was the necessity for protection. As Lexa’s power had come into question after what was perceived to be a single alpha's actions that took down the entire mountain, there were rumors that _Azegeda_ intended to sound the gong for war. It was only a matter of time before _Skaikru_ got caught in the crossfire.

Indra, who had continued to maintain a relationship with Kane, and other members of _Skaikru_ , seemed to have other concerns on her mind. They had not discussed Lexa’s pregnancy since that truce meeting, Indra seemed determined to bring it up during this meeting. 

Without asking specifics, she turned to Lexa, “How are you feeling?”

Not wanting to talk about this in a public space, or really at all, she tried to sound as nonchalant as possible when she said, 

“Good. Better than before, thanks for asking” 

“Does she know?”

Lexa found herself reflexively looking around the throne room to make sure they were alone. Of course, two guards were on either side of the open door. _At least she’s being cryptic._

“Yes, I think so, wait,” she narrowed her eyes as a thought crossed her mind, “I never said who else was _involved_ ” 

Indra looked at her with pity as she reached for her hand and said, “you didn’t have to.”

And then as if the conversation never happened, Indra changed the subject back to the summit which Lexa was extremely grateful for. It wasn’t just that Lexa was worried about unwanted ears hearing things they shouldn’t. Lexa wasn’t used to sharing her problems with others. Yes, she had Titus and Ezra, but that was more out of necessity than out of a desire to share those burdens with them. 

Later on, when Lexa had gone to bed, she once again had woken up with the feeling that something was upsetting Clarke. This was the third night this week. Lexa had begun to enter a routine the past few days. She would go about her days as if Clarke had never come to Polis, and at night, she would go to her, soothe her nightmares and then go back to her own bed. About midway through the week, she went to the guards standing at Clarke’s doors to ask them to ask Clarke if she was willing to see her.

Without going into the room, she could feel the anger pheromones radiating through the door, and she could hear one of her guards hit the ground. Eventually, he staggered out of the room and when he saw Lexa he was shaking as if talking to her was too much of an exertion. 

“S-She does not wish to sp-peak to you, _Heda._ ”

Lexa sighed, “That’s okay, thank you for checking Zac”

He nodded slightly before saying, “ _Heda_ ”

Resigned to knowing that this might be the best she was going to get, at least for now, she would savor the time she spent with Clarke, even if it was when she was asleep. The past few months were miserable, she was the first to admit that. But even the daily time that they spent in the same place, however brief, gave her a greater sense of self and purpose than she had had in a long time. Knowing that she would just have to try again tomorrow, she walked back to the lift and went to her quarters. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always guys, thank you for reading and let me know what you think in the comments below


	12. Surrender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke adjusts to living in the tower. She gets an intriguing offer from Roan, and a reality check from Ezra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you all had a happy weekend. A couple of things:
> 
> I know I just published chapter 11 two days ago but I decided to release this one earlier than I expected in part because I am super excited about it and because I will be starting an online course for the next 3 weeks that will take me away from writing as regularly I have been. 
> 
> My goal for the next three weeks will be to release a chapter every saturday or sunday. But be prepared to be flexible. 
> 
> Another note: this one was a joy for me to write, and I am super excited for you all to read the next few chapters down the line.

**Clarke**

It had been seven days since Clarke was dragged into this city. Seven whole days and her anger had barely cooled off. She knew that people were looking for her, that there were legitimate threats to her safety. And yet, seeing Lexa brought back all of that pent-up rage that she thought she had let go. Except abandoning that rage seemed more like a fantasy if she was being honest. More like trying to run away from it. Being in this place, smelling that familiar pine, earth, and fresh rain everywhere no matter how much time she spent with her head poking out of the glassless windows in her quarters was driving her crazy. It all reminded her too much of what she had lost, _what Lexa had made impossible for her to keep._

But to Clarke’s surprise, she was left alone during this time. Lexa never came in unexpectedly. She was pretty sure that she could smell Ezra hover at the door once right before the guards were relieved. But he never entered himself. It was like everyone had forgotten that she was there. _Good_. There were a few notable exceptions. About halfway through the week, one of the guards Lexa had stationed at her doors came in to ask her if she was willing to speak with Lexa. Clarke smirked at the memory. If that poor man had any doubt of her ability to make grown men submit to her will, he didn’t anymore. 

And then there was Meela. Clarke wasn’t entirely sure what her official job title was, but she seemed too well integrated into the infrastructure of the staff for her to be the one that was delivering her meals. But the middle-aged woman seemed to study her every time she came by. She never pried, she just patiently sat with Clarke as she ate, and occasionally answered questions about how the tower was maintained. Clarke was reluctant to talk to her at all at first. She even refused to eat the first day and a half’s meals. After being used to always having food when she lived with Niylah, hunger started to get to her.

On her second day, when Meela brought her dinner, Clarke reluctantly sat down at the dining table. Meela then asked her,

“Would it be okay if I sat here with you?”

Clarke didn’t say anything, she just nodded. Meela then sat down in the adjacent chair, crossed her legs, and folded her hands in her lap. When Clarke was finished eating, Meela took her tray and silently left her quarters. But after the third silent meal, Clarke eating quietly and Meela patiently sitting there until she was finished, Clarke’s curiosity got the better of her. And so every meal after that, she would talk to Meela, ask her questions. About the city, about the tower, her home clan of _Louwoda Klironkru_. She never asked her about Lexa. And Meela never brought her up. Clarke would have denied it if asked, but she was beginning to look forward to their chats.

The chat they shared this morning gave Clarke much to think about. Meela had explained the history of the _Trigeda/Azgeda_ wars. Why the recent mobilization of the _Azegeda_ warriors into _Trikru_ lands was so pivotal. With each question answered, Clarke had two more questions. But after almost an hour, Meela had to leave to get to her other duties, so Clarke had to save her questions for later. 

Clarke was unwilling to leave her quarters. She didn’t want to be stared at or be worshiped the way some grounders did. She decided to draw instead. On her second day in the tower, Meela had brought her a sketchbook and charcoal during her morning meal. Like everything else in the room, she was too stubborn to touch it for the first few days. But as boredom had gotten the best of her, she began to draw for the first time in months. 

Some of what she drew was from memory, like the fearsome panther she vanquished or Niylah's kind face as the sun hit her hair. And she found herself drawing things and people around her such as the city below, or Meela’s discerning gaze. But she wasn’t having much luck today though. Frustrated, she closed the notebook and placed it back on the shelf she had been storing it on. 

That’s when she walked over to the window to peer out at the city she was growing accustomed to observing over the past few days. Before she had time to react, she smelled a wave of pine, earth, and fresh rain and braced herself, as she heard the doors to her quarters open and close as Lexa walked into the room. 

Still angry and annoyed that Lexa would barge in on her, Clarke asked,

“What part of ‘I won’t see you’ was unclear?”

Lexa had her arms folded in front of her, her face expressionless.

“I respected your wishes for a week, Clarke. We’ve got bigger concerns.”

“ _We_ don’t have any concerns at all,” knowing what she knew now, whether she liked it or not, they would always have at least one shared concern.

As Lexa responded, she slowly started to make her way closer to Clarke. The proximity was making the hairs on the back of Clarke’s neck stand on end.

“Yes, we do. I’m hosting a summit with _Skaikru_ at sundown. You’ll be returned to your people.”

“You went to all that trouble to capture me just to let me go?”

“I went to all that trouble to save you.”

Clarke turned away from Lexa she was so frustrated. _Save me._ Of course, Lexa would see this whole fiasco as her selflessly saving Clarke from herself out in the woods, typical. Clarke stared right back at Lexa when she responded.

“You know when I could’ve used saving? When you abandoned me at Mount Weather.”

Lexa just stood there with her stoic expression. It made Clarke want to scream.

“Clearly you didn’t need my help.”

“Clearly”

Clarke turned away from Lexa and walked over to the cabinets attached to the wall. Unphased, Lexa continued.

“You're angry, Clarke, but I know you. What you've done haunts you, and it's easier to hate me than to hate yourself.”

At that, Clarke turned back towards Lexa as she said,

“Oh, I can do both.”

Clarke could tell she was getting under Lexa's skin. Clarke watched as she took a deep breath and began a different tact. Clarke steeled herself, unwilling to let her win.

“What would you have done if their leader had offered you the deal? Save your people at the price of mine. Would you really have chosen differently?”

Just bringing up the deal boiled Clarke’s blood.

“I don’t betray my friends.”

“But you did,” Clarke held her breath as Lexa presented her hypocrisy back to her.

“You had friends in Mount Weather.”

Finding her voice she fired back, “Those deaths are on you too.” Lexa’s lips twitched

“The only difference is, you had no honor and I had no choice.”

Lexa started walking towards Clarke as she said, “It helps no one to dwell on the past, and that's not why I'm here.”

_Great, what does she want this time?_ Clarke turned her head away. 

“You're right. I'm not just letting you go back to your people. I want something more.”

Bracing herself, she turned her face back towards Lexa.

“I want your people to become my people.”

Clarke felt dread creep into her gut as understanding overcame her as Lexa continued, “I'm offering _Skaikru_ the chance to join my coalition, become the Thirteenth Clan. No one would dare to move against you because that would be moving against me.”

  
_No. No. Why can’t she leave me alone?_

“Just leave me alone. I’m done. Do you understand that? I left.”

She could smell Lexa’s frustration in the air.

“You can’t run away from who you are, Clarke.”

Clarke continued to shake her head. She knew all of this hospitality would come at a cost.

“Join me. Bow before me and your people will be safe.”

The frustration had a bit of desperation diffusing through it now.

But Clarke barely registered that as her anger started to overcome her.

“Bow before you? You don't give a damn about my people. I know why you're here.”

Lexa visibly gulped, whether it was because of what Clarke was saying or how Clarke’s pheromones were affecting her, Clarke wasn’t entirely sure. But that differentiation was for a later time to parse through. 

Clarke started to walk closer to Lexa until they were in each other’s space. She pressed on, “I made you look weak at Mount Weather, and now the Ice Nation is exploiting that. Well, if you want the power of _Wanheda_ , kill me. Take it. Otherwise, go fuck yourself because I will never bow to you.”

This close Clarke could smell Lexa’s true scent again but never had she smelled it laced with this much sadness, not even when she spoke of Costia.

Almost as quiet as a whisper, Lexa said,

“You know that’s not truly what I want, even if it’s what I need you to do at the moment.”

“Well apparently neither of us will get what we wanted”

Clarke couldn’t help herself but look down at Lexa’s concealed stomach before looking back into her eyes.

In that same small voice, Lexa said, “Ask me.”

Clarke felt herself take a half step backward.

“I don’t need to ask questions to things that I already know the answer”

She could hear Lexa’s breath hitch. When Lexa placed her hand on her lower abdomen, Clarke felt herself get uncomfortable. She tried to dig into her anger, her hatred anything that would separate her from the reality of this situation.

Before Clarke knew it, Lexa was grabbing her hand and bringing it towards her lower abdomen. Panicked, she pulled her hand away. Clarke watched as Lexa’s face went through about ten different emotions ranging from horror to humiliation.

“I’m sorry, I-I can’t.”, Clarke felt her voice crack at the last word.

She walked to the window, with her back to Lexa, unable to comfort the woman in front of her. Clarke heard the door close behind her as she silently wiped off the tears streaming down her face.

###

A couple of hours later, restless and in desperate need to work through her stress, Clarke decided to find the public sparring pits in the city. Plus she wanted to test how much freedom she had. But before she even left the steps of the tower, a certain _Hainofa kom Azgeda_ (Ice Nation Prince), now all cleaned up and in armor indicative of his station came into view on the steps below her. As he climbed the stairs to meet her, Clarke said,

“Well if it isn’t the Prince of _Azgeda_.”

“Don’t be fooled. I’m a prisoner here, same as you”

“You’re the reason I’m a prisoner here”

“Relax, Wanheda, I’m here to help you.”

Clarke looked him up and down before looking out at the city from their higher vantage point.

“Sure you are” 

They both walked towards the edge of the balcony. Clarke studied his face as he looked out at the city below.

“The Commander promised to lift my banishment,” he turned to look back at her, “if I delivered you safely.”

Clarke briefly exchanged a glance with him before skirting her gaze above his head.

“She broke our deal. I’m willing to strike a new one with you so that we can both go home.”

Sometimes the sheer audacity of those around her made Clarke sorely want to melt back into the forest.

“I’m already going home.”

Clarke turned her head back to the city.

“Then you won’t have a chance to get what you really want.”

That got Clarke’s attention, the beta standing before her was talking to her like he knew her. It was starting to get on her nerves. She walked a little closer to him. The last time she made him submit, she was dehydrated and exhausted, for better or worse, Clarke was being properly fed, and had been sleeping better than she had in months. She had no explanation for her better sleep, and she had no intention of probing the possibilities. Regardless, she could make him submit if she needed to, but she was going to hold her cards close to the vest.

“What would you know about what I want?”

His eyes narrowed a fraction, “I saw the way you looked at her when I took that hood off. You want revenge.”

Clarke felt her pulse quicken as he leaned forward and whispered in her ear.

“Besides, there’s a rumor going around that our beloved Commander isn’t even an alpha at all. If you don’t act quickly, the opportunity for you to take your revenge could close if she gets challenged.”

Roan pulled away from her. Clarke tried her best to school her features. She knew that Roan was testing her, trying to ascertain the nature of her relationship to Lexa. 

“If you want the chance to kill her, do it yourself.”

Clarke pulled away again and looked out at the city.

“You can get close. I can't. You'll find a knife under your bed when you return to your room. I've already bought enough of the guards to get you out of here. If you do this, _Azgeda_ will take control of the coalition, and you'll find a strong and grateful ally in the Ice Queen.”

Clarke doubted that very much.

“And why should I trust her?”

Clarke took a half step forward, “From what I hear, she’s worse than Lexa.”

“That’s because you’ve been talking to Lexa.”

Roan took a deep breath, “Look. We’re all trying to do what’s best for our people. This is what’s right for yours.”

Without waiting for her response, Roan turned around, and walked back down the steps, leaving Clarke alone on her perch, unsure of what to do with the information she was just given.

Unsettled, she decided it wasn’t the best time to go to the sparring pits. She decided to go back to her room to mull what she had just heard over. Once she was back on her floor, she walked to her quarters and right past the two guards, Zac and Ryder, and into her room. She wondered, were they two of the guards Roan had bought off, and if they were, should she tell someone that two of the royal guards were so easily swayed from their loyalties? Did she even care?

And then there was the knife that was hiding under her bed. She didn’t know what she would do with it. But it felt like it was burning a hole in her retinas. As she made her way over to her bed, she heard a knock on the door. She relaxed and moved away from her bed and opened the door herself.

Standing there, with his hands behind his back, a typical stoic expression on his face, his grey-green eyes unreadable. Ezra just stood patiently at the door until Clarke realized he was waiting for her to invite him into the room.

“What do you want Ezra?”

“Just to talk, and to apologize for the way I treated you a week ago.”

Clarke moved out of the way of the door so he could come in before closing it.

“Yes, I wanted to thank you for the shiner you gave me.”

“Shiner?”

“Oh, uh the bruising around my eye”

“Oh, you’re welcome I guess”

Clarke could tell that Ezra wasn’t a person who was used to having to apologize for his behavior.

“Do you want to sit down?” Clarke referred to the dining table that she and Meela would sit at.

“Sure.”

Once they were both sitting down, Ezra put both of his hands face down on the table. Clarke kept both of hers on her lap.

“Listen, I wanted to talk to you about the Mountain.”

Clarke turned her head away from him, “I thought I made it very clear to Lexa that I did not want to talk about what happened in the past.”

“That’s understandable, but if I haven’t made this clear before, I will say it now. I am not Lexa. I don’t get all moony-eyed every time you look at me. You aren’t exactly my choice for someone to be in her life. But seeing as you will be, for better or worse, you need to know all of the facts.”

As if Ezra could read her mind, he said, “Don’t worry, she didn’t send me in here to do her dirty work. Believe me, she would probably have my head for even being here at all.”

“So why come?”

“Because someone needs to tell you the truth.”

Clarke looks him directly in the eyes.

“The truth?”

“When Lexa made that deal, I understand that she told you she did it for her people at the cost of yours.”

Through gritted teeth, Clarke said, “yes”.

“She lied.”

_Of course, there was always another lie with her._

“What do you mean?”

“Yes, that was the result of her deal with the _Maunon_ , but what you don’t know is that the people there had missiles. The last time they were used was before either of us were born. It was said to wipe out enough of the trees that the destruction went farther than the eye could see.

“The coward Cage said that they had missiles trained on Polis, Arkadia–”

Clarke was confused, “Arkadia?”

“What your people now call Camp Jaha”

Clarke nodded in understanding. Seeing as Chancellor Jaha hadn’t died saving everyone, and subsequently ran away because the people didn't want to follow him anymore, it made sense that they didn’t want to keep the name. 

“They had multiple shooters trained on you. They were going to shoot if she didn’t take the deal. So you see, she didn’t just save her people. She saved all of us.” 

Clarke just shook her head, “No. No, I don’t believe you.”

None of this made sense. Clarke turned her face away from Ezra, to hide her tears.

“No, Lexa made a deal to save her people and she left us out there to die.”

“It’s the truth. And you know it, deep down.”

Clarke stood up out of her chair and began to walk away.

“You know, she never got over it. She may present a calm front to you, but she never got over the choice she had to make.”

“I’ve heard enough of this.”

Clarke could hear Ezra stand up behind her.

“Clarke, she cried herself to sleep the first two months afterward.”

Clarke closed her eyes, the tears spilling down her cheeks. Without turning around to face him, she said,

“I think you should leave.”

She heard him exhale before he said, “You should forgive her, but not just for her own sake, but for yours, and the future you are throwing away.”

“It’s not her that I’m not sure I can forgive, it’s myself.”

She could hear Ezra leave her quarters as she kept her back to him. After some time alone, she calmed herself down, resolved in what she had to do. She went to the doors to her quarters, where Zac and Ryder were still standing.

“Ryder”

“ _Sha, Wanheda_ ”

She found herself wincing at the title.

“Can you tell _Heda_ that I am willing to see her now?”

“ _Sha_ ”

“ _Mochof_ ”

She closed the door to her quarters and went back to her bed to get the knife Roan had hidden away underneath it. She had to stop feeling this way. As she waited for Lexa to come through those doors, the minutes felt like hours. She felt the sweat on her neck and her palms. She kept turning the knife over and over in her hand, as she shifted her weight from foot to foot.

Then all at once, she could smell pine, and earth and fresh rain as Lexa burst into the room almost enthusiastically.

“You wanted to see me. I’m here.”

Clarke still had her back to Lexa, unable to face her.

She heard Lexa take a step towards her before she said, “Clarke”

After taking a large breath, she gripped the knife as tightly as she could and whipped around, putting the knife to Lexa’s throat. Clarke stared into Lexa’s eyes, hoping to see anger, that she would be willing to fight back, to take the knife, do something. But all she saw was resignation and despair. Clarke knew for a fact that Lexa could easily have defended herself but all she did was stand there looking at Clarke, reflecting all of the shame that she was trying to run away from.

In a voice barely above a whisper, Lexa said, “I’m sorry.”

Clarke just shook her head and pushed Lexa away, dropping the knife, not trusting herself with it. Embarrassed and incredibly ashamed, Clarke had her back to Lexa.

“I never meant to turn you into this.”

Clarke sobbed, “I am still so angry at you.”

When Clarke turned around, she saw that Lexa had been crying too.

“I know.”

“And then I come here, and you’re like _this_ ,” Clarke motioned towards Lexa’s lower abdomen, “and I biologically can’t even _hate_ you anymore. My DNA won’t allow it.”

“I understand.”

Clarke felt the tears stream down her cheeks, “Do you? Because,” Clarke took a shaky breath before continuing, “I never hated you for what you did, I hated you for what you made me do.”

They both watched each other weep before Lexa took a step towards Clarke. But Clarke took a reflexive step backward.

“ _Klark”_

Then Lexa took a huge risk. In the distance between them, Lexa pushed out her scent, her true scent. And as Clarke got lost in the pine, earth, fresh rain, and the lily of the valley, and saltwater Clarke saw visions of a life she had not yet imagined. Of a future she did not know how much she wanted until its likeness ambushed her imagination. She saw a beautiful baby with chestnut-colored hair and cerulean blue eyes. She was smiling and Lexa was smiling, and her mother was there, and they had peace. Clarke felt the tears stream down her face, but these tears were different, they were for a future she found herself daring to hope for.

Realizing that Lexa had taken this risk, that her guards might be able to smell the sweet honeysuckle in Lexa’s omega scent, not unlike Clarke all those months ago, Clarke pushed out her own in the hopes of overwhelming their senses. Unfortunately, in her determination to protect Lexa, she must have overdone it, as Lexa herself fell to her knees. Clarke immediately discontinued her pheromones release. Seeing her this way, made Clarke gasp and she ran over to her to help her back up. When they were both standing less than an arm’s length apart, Clarke shakily offered her hand, and Lexa slowly moved her hand to accept it.

Lexa entwined their hands before bringing Clarke’s hand to her lower abdomen. As soon as Clarke's hand touched the slight bulge in armor, she couldn’t help but feel the flood of love that she felt for the little bump. There really wasn’t much of an actual bump there, especially with Lexa’s light armor covering it. But there was no denying the feelings of protectiveness and affection for what she knew for certain was there. There was a voice in the back of her mind that wanted her to ask Lexa to take the armor off, to allow Clarke to touch her bare skin. _Now’s not the time for that._ Clarke used her other hand to wipe the fresh tears off of Lexa’s cheeks. She knew that there were tears on her own cheeks she should wipe off, but they didn’t seem to matter. 

After Clarke had wiped the tears off of Lexa’s face several times, Clarke felt Lexa lean into her hand. When they both realized what they were doing, Clarke took her hand away from her face and Lexa released the hand on her stomach. Clarke mourned the loss of contact, but Lexa interrupted her thoughts,

“You’re free to go. Your mother is here. I’ll have you escorted to her.”

Clarke could hear the sniffles in Lexa’s voice as she turned to leave. Unwilling to let her go, to let her future go, Clarke called back,

“Wait. I have a better idea.”

Clarke wasn’t sure how she felt about Lexa, but if there was one thing she did know, it was the certainty that she would be there for her pup even if it meant being around her. She took one more step closer to Lexa as they began planning for the future of their people, and unbeknownst them, their own future together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks guys for reading! I hope I didn't break any hearts with this one. Please send any feedback if you have it in the comments. Stay safe out there guys.


	13. Alliances Forged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has a needed talk with her mom, Lexa tries to initiate Skaikru as the thirteenth clan, chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday everyone! I hope everyone's week went well and that all of you are staying safe. I know this is a scary time for everyone so I hope this can provide some needed distraction. 
> 
> Also, if you go back through previous chapters, I decided to name all of them. No particular reason, I was just bored on a Saturday and had some time to do it. 
> 
> I also humbly ask you guys for a favor. This one is for all the readers who don't have accounts on AO3 who enjoy the amazing work here. For some reason having to do with technical difficulties the views of people who don't have accounts aren't being counted as hits. This isn't just for me, this is for all writers of fic on this website, if you enjoy a person's work please take the time to give them kudos or write a comment. Hits are one of the ways writers assess enthusiasm for their work. It doesn't require any money but I can honestly say that the love you guys give this fic really makes my day. 
> 
> As always, enjoy!

**Clarke**

Clarke left her quarters shortly after Lexa did. To say that they had patched things up was an overstatement. But for now, Clarke was willing to put her animosities on hold for the good of her people, and well, for the good of her pup. _Her pup._ Clarke still couldn’t believe that. She shuttered just thinking about it as she stepped onto the lift. The _Skaikru_ delegation was staying much lower in the tower. It wasn’t until this point that Clarke realized just how significant it was that Lexa had put her in the quarters only one floor below her own.

When Clarke reached the floor, she walked into the hallway that led to the _Skaikru_ sleeping quarters. She was nervous, it had been three months since she saw anyone from the Arc. And her mother, in particular, had a way of always knowing when something was on her mind. Clarke took a deep breath and pressed on until she got to the quarters Lexa told her that her mother would be staying in.

Two beta guards that Clarke didn’t recognize were standing on either side of the door. She briefly spoke to them in _Trigedasleng_ before they allowed her to enter. As soon as she made eye contact with her mother, Abby’s relief flooded the room and washed over her. Clarke was stricken by how much her mother had changed since the last time she saw her. It had only been three months, but it might as well have been fifteen. She had new lines on her face that Clarke didn’t recognize. She had more than a stray gray hair or two like she used to. There were bags under her eyes that seemed more like everyday residents than from a solitary sleepless night. And her face was thinner. Whether that was an indication of the conditions at Arkadia or from her mother refusing to eat she wasn’t sure. Her mother closed most of the distance between them. Before Clarke had fully adjusted to seeing her, Abby’s arms were surrounding her. Clarke basked in Abby's familiar scent, it was the closest thing she had to a home left.

A little uncomfortable, and a little impatient, Clarke tried to separate herself from her mother so that she could explain to her and Kane what she and Lexa had planned. There was also another matter that she needed to talk to her mother about. Clarke dreaded bringing it up.

Clarke could tell her mother was a little hurt that she broke off the hug so soon, but Clarke knew she had to press on.

“I have something to tell you, and we don’t have much time.”

“Wait. Just let me look at you.”

Abby still had her right hand on Clarke’s shoulder. If this meeting had happened a month ago, even a week and a half ago, she probably would have rolled her eyes and shrugged off her Mom’s sentimentality. But their reunion was happening now, and the love and protectiveness that she knew her mother must be feeling, having her worst fears assuaged that her pup was okay, for the first time, Clarke understood. She understood the inexplicable bond a sire had with their pup. Many an alpha had done crazy things in the name of their pups. So she let her mother do a brief up and down of her, letting her fill in the gaps of her condition over the past few months.

Thankfully, Kane was able to save her by stepping carefully between them.

“We will have plenty of time to catch up once we get back home.”

Clarke could also smell the soothing hints in Kane’s beta scent permeate the space between all three of them.

“The Commander’s changing the terms of the summit.”

She could smell fear creep into Kane’s scent.

“Is this because of Mount Weather?”

“This is because of the Ice Nation. They want Lexa dead. They want to take over the Coalition.”

At the mention of Lexa’s name, Clarke could feel her mother’s anger. Her mother furrowed her eyebrows and started to shake her head.

“That’s Lexa’s concern, not ours. Frankly, she deserves what’s coming to her.”

Before Clarke knew it, a low warning growl ripped through her chest and caused her sternum to vibrate. The shock on Abby’s face brought Clarke back to reality. A reality where Lexa was supposed to be an alpha and Clarke should have no business defending her because she was not the sire of her pup. She cut off her growl and thankfully, Kane brought them both back with his soothing pheromones. Clarke made a silent note to herself to thank him later.

“No, Abby. If Lexa falls, the Coalition shatters, and there's no way we avoid that war.” Kane then turned his attention back to Clarke, “You said there were new terms.”

“We become the thirteenth clan.”

Kane and Abby exchanged looks before Kane turned his back to them and walked toward the window. Which meant that all of Abby’s attention was back on Clarke’s face.

“Thirteenth clan? Does that mean that we follow Lexa?”

“Yes”

Clarke could smell the anger and frustration return to Abby’s scent.

“We came here to negotiate a treaty.”

“This is _our_ Unity Day, Mom. You can be the thirteenth station, or you can be the thirteenth clan.”

Annoyingly, Abby turned her head back towards Kane’s direction.

“Marcus?”

But as Kane turned around, he said, “Clarke's right. I've seen the Ice Nation army, and we don't stand a chance against them. We need to do this.”

Abby nodded before looking back at Clarke.

“So we become the thirteenth clan. Then what? What’s going to stop the Ice Nation?”

Clarke smiled grimly before replying, “ _Wanheda.”_

Abby closed her eyes briefly before responding, “Okay Clarke, you’re going to have to give me more than that.”

“I wish I could, Mom but we don’t have enough time, just trust that I know what I’m doing.”

She looked over to Kane in order to hold his gaze.

“And, there’s something else that I need to talk to you about.”

Kane coughed before making his way towards the door,

“Oh uh, well, Indra offered to give me a tour of the tower, I think I might try to take her up on that.”

Both Clarke and Abby nodded before he slipped out of the room. As soon as he left, Abby was on Clarke like a hawk. Before Clarke could ask Abby any questions, her mother started asking her questions first.

“So has Lexa made you pledge some sort of blood promise while you were here?”

“Wait, what? Of course not!”

“Did she promise your safety or our safety in exchange for your loyalty?”

Clarke could feel her anger bubble up again, but this time she was prepared, she bit her tongue to keep herself from growling.

“I need you to stop accusing Lexa of things before I do something to you that we will both regret.”

Clarke felt her mother’s anger spike and she braced herself for what was to come. But to her surprise, her mother took a deep breath before closing her eyes and the anger began to fade to an ambient level.

“I’m sorry. I just worry about you, and the way you jumped in defense of her had me worried.”

“I know, Mom, that’s actually what I need to talk to you about. There are some things that I need to tell you. Things that cannot leave this room. You cannot tell anyone, not even Marcus.”

“Okay”

Clarke grabbed her hands and slowly walked her farther away from the doors.

“Lexa isn’t an alpha. And her people don’t know because it’s illegal for an omega to become _Heda_.”

“Wait, so Lexa’s been lying to her people this whole time?”

When Clarke nodded, tendrils of anger started to flare up around Abby as she began to put the pieces together.

“And how long have you known?”

“I figured it out during our first meeting.”

Abby closed her eyes and put her pointer finger and thumb on the bridge of her nose.

“So you’ve known about this the entire time and you didn’t say anything.” Abby took her hand away from her face and opened her eyes.

“Why?”

Clarke could feel the flush creep up on her face, giving her away.

“Well, I um, the thing is…”

“ _Oh Clarke_ ”

“You know how I’ve always felt uncomfortable in my own skin, especially after I presented as an alpha? Well, being around her made me feel right. Like I am who I am supposed to be.”

Clarke voiced that last response in a single breath. She didn’t realize that she was crying until she felt her mother’s hand on her face wiping her tears away.

Her mother had stopped releasing anger pheromones, but Clarke could tell she was still frustrated.

“Clarke, are you mated to Lexa?”

“No, Mom”

“If you aren’t blood bound, and you aren’t mated, then–”

Clarke looked out the window down at the city of Polis. Really, she could have been looking at anything instead of her mother’s judgmental face. Her mother put her hand on Clarke’s shoulder.

“Clarke, look at me”

Clarke slowly turned her face back to her mother.

“Is Lexa pregnant?”

Clarke took a big breath of air before swallowing her lips. She nodded.

“Clarke Elizabeth Griffin, how many times have we talked about safe sex?”

“Okay, but that’s not fair, because I thought the sex was safe. Speaking of which, what happened to sending us down to earth with functional birth control implants?”

“You should be using two methods of birth control whenever possible.”

“Don’t change the subject, Mom.”

Now with Abby on the backfoot, Clarke didn’t feel quite so in the wrong.

“Well, when we were sending you down, we had no idea that there were people still on the ground. And there was a limited supply of alpha birth control, so we chose to just refill the implants of the omegas and female betas seeing as that would ensure that there wouldn’t be any accidents.”

“And you never thought to tell us this when we made contact with you on the ground and told you about the grounders?”

“We were just so relieved when we first heard from you. And it’s not like you were singing songs around a campfire with them. And then half the station was blown up after Diana Sydney tried to take the Exodus ship. There wasn’t a good time to say, ‘oh and by the way, don’t have sex with the locals.’”

“Whose decision was it to not tell us about this in the first place?”

“The council feared–”

“Great, just great, that’s so typical. A bunch of alphas on the council deciding what’s best for everyone.”

“What happened in the past is done,” Abby sighed “does she plan on keeping the pup?”

“Yes”

“Because if not, I can help her.”

“ _Mom_ ” Clarke found herself growling before she realized that Abby was rightfully pointing out that Lexa ultimately had the right to choose whether or not to keep it.

Abby started slipping into doctor mode pretty quickly, “Okay, well if she has decided to take this pregnancy to term, I need to know, is she taking care of herself?”

“Well, I think so” Clarke’s voice hitched at the end

“Clarke”

“What, we just got back on speaking terms today, it’s not like I had time to get a full history and physical from her.”

Abby put her both hands on Clarke’s shoulders before she said, “Clarke, this isn’t just about you now, you have to make sure that Lexa is staying healthy and that you are helping her in any way that you can. Now, I’m going, to be honest with you, what you did was irresponsible, even if you didn’t know exactly how irresponsible it was”

Clarke looked back out the window again.

“ _But_ the fact is, in how many weeks?”

“Uh, twenty-threeish”

“In twenty-three weeks, there’s going to be a pup that you are responsible for, and sooner than that, we are going to be the thirteenth clan. And I know you’ve already had to grow up way too fast, but everything in your life is going to change.”

“I know”

“I know this won’t be the last time we talk about this, but I want you to promise me, that sometime soon, you will get Lexa to come to see me at Arkadia so I can do a full workup on her.”

“I promise”

Abby pulled Clarke in for a hug. When she pulled back, Clarke saw that she had been crying.

“Mom, are you mad?”

Abby used the back of her hand to wipe her tears away. She sniffled before she responded,

“No, honey, I’m not mad at you. To be honest, I always hoped that you would have children of your own someday if you wanted them. But not like this, and not when you were so young.”

“I think we can both agree that much of my life this past year didn’t go the way either of us wanted it to.”

Clarke once again looked out the window, to avoid Abby’s gaze. But when she saw how low the sun was in the sky, she realized that she had to go get ready.

“Listen, Mom, I have to go get dressed for the ceremony later on tonight, but I think we should still talk more–”

“–Go. Get ready. We will have more time to talk later, or tomorrow even.”

Abby put her hand under Clarke’s chin before saying, “I love you.”

There were so many complicated feelings between them, her father’s ghost still lingering unspoken. But in her mother’s own way, she cared about her. Clarke gave her one last hug before walking back through the doors and into the lift.

###

Clarke heard the beautiful voice of the singer from behind the doors of the throne room. She could feel the sweat on her palms as she waited for the guards to open the doors. It had taken over an hour to get her ready for the ceremony. Lexa had sent a team of betas to her room to scrub her clean, wash and braid her filthy hair, do her makeup and dress her. She was a bit disappointed when she didn’t see Meela, but the handmaids that were attending to her assured her that she was busy attending to the Commander. When she looked in the mirror, she didn’t recognize the war goddess staring back at her. Her braids were incredibly intricate, befitting someone with the title of Commander of Death. Her warpaint was an elegant blue-grey under her eyes. The rest of her skin sparkled with the sheen of stardust. When they were finished getting her ready, all of the betas complimented her, making her blush. It was this kind of attention she would never get used to.

All at once, the doors to the throne room opened. Her legs moved her forward as if they were controlled by an unidentifiable force. When she walked into the room, she knew instantly what her body subconsciously was getting her to move closer to. The people and delegations from all twelve clans and her mother and Kane, and the people of Skaikru, were all standing in a semicircle bisected by the red carpet that led from the doors to the dais. As the twilight had given way to the darkness, the room was alight with candles and sconces along the walls. But the thing that had Clarke’s undivided attention was the woman standing in the center of the dais.

Lexa was wearing a velvet black dress with a crimson streak that started from the right shoulder and traveled down to her left hip. Her waist was cinched in with a wide leather belt with three buckles going across it. Her shoulders and scent glands were exposed, giving everyone a glimpse of her beautiful skin and the tattoo on her right arm. Her war paint wasn’t her usual up and out with claw-like streaks down her face. Instead, it was closer to silver that went straight across her eyes. Clarke found herself nervous at seeing Lexa so exposed. But to her amazement, all she could smell was pine, earth and fresh rain, and the sour alpha smell that could only belong to Ezra. He must have slept with the dress around his neck at night like he did all of her clothing. Clarke was still so amazed at Lexa’s ability to keep herself from pushing any of her own scent out what with her skin so vulnerable.

When Clarke got to the base of the dais right before the steps, she realized that Lexa had been just a greedily drinking her in as she had been doing to her. They held each other’s gaze as Clarke stopped before her. Clarke averted her eyes downward before bowing her head. In as fluid a motion, as she could muster, Clarke got on both knees, turning her head to the side in submission. Her inner alpha was screaming at her to get up and demand submission from everyone in the room. It hated having to make this show of submission and so publicly. But she kept telling herself that this would help protect Lexa, which protected her pup. That first part just being a means to an end. At least that’s what she told herself.

Clarke heard people behind her moving, likely getting on their own knees. Clarke could see from her peripheral vision that Ezra was getting on to his knees by Lexa’s right. He was wearing his usual war paint that resembled angel wings down his face. The man the Clarke had learned during the past week was called Titus, a puzzlingly scentless omega, was now kneeling on Lexa’s left. They all remained on their knees for the duration of the anthem. Once that had finished, Lexa projected to the room,

“Hail warriors of the twelve clans.”

To which everyone in the room responded back,

“Hail Commander of the Blood”

“Rise”

Clarke stood up and once again, they exchanged glances. All at once, Clarke could smell Lexa’s true scent interlaced with arousal start to unfurl into the air. Every impulse, every muscle was telling her to go forward reduce the distance between them, blanket everyone with her scent, something, anything, to protect her. Thankfully, she wasn’t the only one especially attuned to Lexa’s scent. Ezra took a half step towards Lexa and pushed out his scent, the scent everyone else knew as Lexa’s. Clarke found herself making eye-contact with Ezra and willed a silent thank you hoping that he understood, before walking over to the Skaikru delegation.

Once everyone was standing again, Lexa continued the ceremony.

“We welcome Skaikru to our halls in the spirit of friendship and harmony, and we welcome _Klark kom Skaikru_... Legendary _Wanheda_ , Mountain Slayer. The reason for this summit has changed. We are not here to negotiate a treaty with the _Skaikru_ , but rather to initiate them into the coalition.”

Conversations sprung up in both English and _Trigedasleng_ throughout the throne room. But Lexa seemed keen on ignoring the discussion as she pressed on.

“To symbolize this union, the leader of _Skaikru_ must bear our mark.”

From behind her, Clarke could hear her mother whisper to Kane,

“The honor should be yours.”

Then Kane stepped forward, and Lexa nodded to a firepit where a brand was being heated to a furious orange.

“Present your arm.”

Kane presented his forearm and grunted in pain as the brand burned his skin. As soon as the brand hit his skin, Clarke got an ominous feeling as she realized that her blood sister, Octavia was close to her and in distress. A split second later, Bellamy with one of his arms around a guard’s neck with a gun trained on his head, burst through the doors with Octavia by his side, and a furious alpha behind them. To Clarke’s surprise, it was her Earth Skills teacher, Charles Pike. She thought that he had died coming down on one of the stations. The whole room irrupted into chaos. Shocked at her friend’s display, she tried to get his attention.

“Bellamy?”

Titus boomed, “What is the meaning of this?”

“The summit’s a trap,” Bellamy yelled before pushing the guard onto the floor.

Bellamy then brought his gaze over to Clarke, “We need to get you out of here.”

Struggling to choke back her own anger, she looked back Lexa, hoping this wasn’t another one of her lies.

“What the hell is going on here?”

“I don’t know.”

Bellamy broke off their attention, “It’s the Ice Nation”

A very large alpha man with a shaved head and facial scarring indicating his station as the _Azegedan_ Ambassador stepped forward.

“These allegations are an outrage. The Ice Nation never stormed this summit with weapons, breaking our laws. That was the _Skaikru._ ”

Pike inserted himself, but only enough to direct his voice towards Abby and Kane, choosing to keep his back to Lexa.

“We are right about this. The two guards you left behind are dead already. We need to go now.”

Trying to take back control of the situation, Lexa responded, “How did you come by this information?”

Clarke watched as Bellamy, Octavia, and Pike started scanning the room for someone.

Octavia then said, “Where the hell is Echo?”

When the question hung in the air unanswered, Bellamy asked again, “What’s going on? Where the hell is she?”

“Bellamy maybe we were wrong about this,” the uneasiness penetrating Octavia’s voice.

The uncertainty plain on Bellamy’s face as he responded, “I don’t understand.”

Kane stepped forward and took Bellamy’s hand holding the gun and pointed it back down as he said, “Stand down”.

The three of them relaxed a fraction before noises started to come through Bellamy’s radio. Clarke heard Raven’s voice for the first time in what felt like ages.

_“Bellamy, Bellamy, come in. The Grounders attacked Mount Weather.”_

Clarke could hear Raven’s voice crack as she spoke. And a terrible sense of dread crept in.

With his eyes still trained on Lexa, Bellamy spoke into his radio, “What are you talking about?”

“ _It's gone. It's gone. They're all gone. Sinclair and I are the only ones left. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.”_ Clarke’s heart was breaking as she heard Raven sobbing through the radio. 

The _Azgedan_ Ambassador stepped in front of Lexa and pushed out his dominant scent. He then pronounced for all in the throne room to hear,

“You should have never moved your people back into Mount Weather. The Ice Nation did what Lexa was too weak to do.”

Clarke felt a low growl escape her mouth. She felt her mother come behind her and squeeze her hand, reminding her to keep her alpha in check. She swore this pup would be the death of her. But Lexa released her own growl that under any other circumstances would have been nothing short of arousing.

“This is an act of war.”

The _Azegedan_ Ambassador sneered in Lexa’s face before she bellowed,

“Sentries, arrest the Ice Nation Delegation!”

Guards appeared from all directions to take the pompous ambassador away. As he was being dragged away, Lexa yelled, “Including the prince!”

From behind her, Clarke could hear Abby telling Marcus,

“We need to get home. If they attacked Mount Weather, Arkadia could be next.”

Lexa told them, “Go. Marshal your forces. We’ll avenge the attack together.”

Indra stepped forward, “I’ll escort them.”

Kane made his way towards the entrance of the throne room, and as Indra followed him, she told Octavia, “I hope you kept up your training. You’re going to need it.”

As her friends and family were coalescing at the entrance of the throne room, Clarke felt torn. Her heart went out to her people, and she could feel the pull to help them. But her inner alpha was keeping her feet where they were. When Bellamy saw that she hadn’t moved to join them, he called to her,

“Clarke, we need to leave now.”

Before she could answer, Lexa stepped forward,

“We need an ambassador from the Thirteenth Clan to stay here in Polis.”

“It’s not safe here.”

Lexa puffed out her chest, “Clarke will be safe here under my protection”

Clarke could sense Bellamy saw this as a threat, and as he stepped forward and puffed his own chest out, she stepped forward. Directing her efforts towards her mother she said,

“I have to stay.”

Abby put her hand on her shoulder.

“Clarke”

“I have to make sure she keeps her word.”

Out of nowhere, Titus appeared right next to Lexa.

“ _Heda_ , we must convene the war council immediately. And, the Ascension Council will want to hear about this.”

With both Lexa’s and Titus’ eyes on her, Clarke responded, “I’ll be right there.”

Clarke turned back to Abby and gave her a big hug. While they were still together Abby whispered into her ear,

“Take care of yourself. And remember what you promised me, okay.”

Abby’s voice cracked at that last word. When they separated, Abby was still holding her hands as she said, “I love you”

“I love you too, Mom.”

Her attention was brought over to Kane who said,

“Be safe.”

As all of the members of the _Skaikru_ delegation left the room, Bellamy was left standing there. They held each other’s gaze before he walked up to her. Bellamy looked over her shoulder towards Lexa before returning his gaze to Clarke’s.

“She left us to die on that Mountain. She will always put her people first. You should come home to yours.”

Clarke reached out for his hands, but he refused them.

“Bellamy, there was more to that deal than we knew at the time. Cage had missiles trained on Arkadia and Polis.”

Clarke could smell his anger pheromones, but underneath it, despair. She didn’t know what he had been up to over the last few months, but the kind of desperation that he was giving off could only be from the loss of someone very close to him.

“Did she tell you that?”

“No”

“Because, either way, it doesn’t change the fact that it effectively left us to deal with the aftermath so spare me the whole, ‘everybody had to make sacrifices that day’ speech. It’s beneath you.”

“I’m sorry.”

When he didn’t respond, she continued, “you better catch up with everyone. Please, stay safe.”

Bellamy just took a deep breath before putting a hand on her shoulder,

“You too. Watch your back around here.”

He took one last sweep of the room before swiftly turning around and leaving her behind.

With nothing left to do, Clarke walked back up to Lexa.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes, we will meet with the war council in thirty minutes, I suggest you change into something more comfortable; this meeting could take a while.”

Clarke nodded before taking the lift two floors down back to the relative peace of her chambers.

###

After several hours of discussion between the ambassadors of the thirteen clans minus the _Azegedan_ Ambassador, the spymaster, Titus, and several of the generals, a decision had been made to send scouts out to _Azegeda_ , the latest whereabouts of their army, and within two miles of the _Skaikru_ boarder. Also, warriors would be recruited from the local villages surrounding _Skaikru_ to create a defense two hundred warriors strong to help protect Arkadia’s borders.

When they had all left, it was just Titus, Lexa, and Clarke still in the throne room. As Lexa walked Titus out, she said,

“Let me know as soon as the scouts come back.”

Titus said something to Lexa, something that Clarke couldn’t make out.

But something else was on Clarke’s mind, so when Lexa walked back over to her, wearing her armor and pauldron, she said,

“I keep asking myself, how did the Grounders know there was a self-destruct mechanism inside Mount Weather?”

“We’ll get the answers soon, Clarke.”

Clarke could smell Lexa’s uncertainty in the air, today started with Clarke refusing to acknowledge her, now, they seemed to be in a tentative alliance.

“Thank you for staying”

“I stayed because it was the right thing for my people.” Clarke had barely uttered the words before realizing how much she hoped that was the truth even if there was another, unavoidable reason in between them.

“Our people”

Clarke stepped forward so that there was only about a foot between them.

“If you betray me again–”

“–I won’t”

Clarke couldn’t sense any deception from Lexa, but there had been so many lies, and so many things she still knew she wasn’t privy too. Like whatever the hell the Ascension Council was. But Lexa interrupted her thoughts as she slowly got down on both knees. She turned her head to the side as a show of complete submission. The act left Clarke breathless and her alpha doing flips. She felt heat accumulate in her core and a twitch in her clit. She hoped her arousal wasn’t quite so obvious to Lexa, but by the smell that she sensed from Lexa, she knew she wasn’t the only one aroused.

“I swear fealty to you, _Klark kom Skaikru_. I vow to treat your needs as my own and your people as my people.”

Clarke just stood there dumbly, not knowing what to say. Before she entirely knew what she was doing, she offered out her hand. Lexa took it, and stood up, less than arm’s length between them. Before long, Clarke felt herself getting lost in how beautiful Lexa was. She had the most mesmerizing eyes, the highest cheekbones, and bee-stung lips. She was having trouble keeping Lexa’s gaze, it felt like earth’s gravity was pulling her eyes down to Lexa’s lips. She would have been embarrassed except she saw Lexa’s pupils dilate to the point where all that was left of her irises was a thin band of grey-green as her gaze traveled down to Clarke’s lips.

The arousal she felt before had only increased ten-fold. She licked her lips as she practically tasted Lexa’s arousal in the air. She felt her trousers get uncomfortably tight as her clitoris extended into its other form. She could smell the wetness in Lexa’s undergarments through her clothes. Before either of them could take it any longer, she brought her left hand behind Lexa’s neck and crushed their lips together.

The kiss was heated with an impatience that both of them felt at being separated for the past three months. Clarke wanted to feel Lexa everywhere. She wanted to be close to her again. She wanted to be so close that she couldn’t tell where she ended, and Lexa began. Her tongue pushed at the seam of Lexa’s lips. When Lexa gave her entry, her tongue invaded her mouth, tasting everything that it could. She was hungry and Lexa’s act of submission only lit her alpha on fire.

And she wasn’t the only one. Clarke felt Lexa’s hands all over her torso and back, exploring her harder and stronger body. Clarke released her hand from the back of Lexa’s neck and instead wrapped one around Lexa’s shoulders the other around her lower back bringing them impossibly closer. Clarke could feel the bump of Lexa’s lower abdomen pressing against her own, evidence of the last time that they were together. She felt Lexa sucking on her lower lip as she moved her hands to Lexa’s tiny waist. Her hands then began to travel south, tracing her hips, which were wider than the last time she had her hands all over them. Amid all this contact, she felt her alpha beam with pride that her omega had been carrying their pup well. A part of her couldn’t wait until Lexa was truly showing. Her alpha wanted the world to know the source of her happiness. She wanted everyone to know that the most powerful person in the coalition, had chosen her.

Lexa broke off the kiss. Clarke was about to protest when Lexa started kissing a trail down her neck, and she forgot why she needed to say anything at all. Clarke was gasping, unable to catch her breath as Lexa peppered kisses along every inch of her neck. She couldn’t help herself but start to purr.

But then Lexa dragged her tongue over one of Clarke’s scent glands, and Clarke felt her body go stock still. Lexa immediately stopped what she was doing and put enough distance between them so that they could look at each other’s faces. Both breathless, Clarke saw that Lexa’s pupils were still blown, the scent of arousal still surrounding them.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, you have nothing to be sorry about.” Clarke realized that as soon as she said it that that wasn’t what she meant.

“Wait, what I meant to say was, I initiated the kiss. It’s my fault. I think I just got caught up in the moment.”

Clarke realized that they were still entangled in each other’s bodies so she slowly started to pull her arms away. The hurt that crossed Lexa’s face lasted a fraction of a second before she schooled her features and stood up straight.

“It’s not that I didn’t enjoy it, I just think that this was too fast.”

Lexa turned her face away before she nodded. Not wanting to dig herself even deeper into the hole she was digging, she intertwined their fingers and massaged the back of Lexa’s hand. Lexa closed her eyes for a moment, and Clarke swore she started to purr but it was so quiet that Clarke wasn’t sure if she imagined it or not.

Lexa just responded by saying, “I think we should both go to bed, we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow”, before releasing their intertwined hands.

“Right”

Clarke put her hand on Lexa’s shoulder squeezing it, before walking past her through the doors of the throne room, closing them behind her. Clarke tried to walk as inconspicuously as possible, knowing that her boner still hadn’t fully shrunken back down. When Clarke made it back to her room she practically collapsed on to her bed. So much had happened today, but all she could think about was the taste of Lexa still on her lips as she fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, this was another one that I really enjoyed writing.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, feel free to give feedback in the comments.


	14. Something Worth Hoping For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Titus have a meeting, Lexa does some stewing on her own, her legs carry her somewhere else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is not coming out a week after the last chapter, lol. I had some time to kill and I felt inspired. Just as an fyi, this takes place in between the events of Ye Who Enter Here and Watch the Thrones. This is a bit of a pallet cleanser in some ways from the intensity of the last two chapters. That being said, there's a lot of information in this chapter despite the fact that it's shorter than my usual length. I really tried to fill some of the blanks here about Lexa's path to the flame, and I can't wait to hear what you guys think of the world-building here.

**Lexa**

Lexa walked into the throne room this morning with a spring in her step. Her plan was falling into place, _Skaikru_ had joined the Coalition, she got to spar with the _natblida_ pups this morning. Clarke kissed her two days ago. Sure, she broke it off, and Lexa was incredibly embarrassed when it happened, but Clarke was back in her life, and her omega was doing flips. She was on her way to meet Titus for her morning briefing. When she saw Titus, he was on the balcony facing the city with his back to her.

“ _Os sonop, Titos_ ” (Good morning, Titus)

“ _Os sonop, Heda_ ”

“ _Chit dula op yu don gon ai deyon?”_ (What do you have for me today?)

“I have news from one of the scouts we sent to look for Nia. It appears that she was on the _Azgeda/Trigeda_ border. It was almost like she wanted to be found.”

Lexa nodded before following up, “Who do we have bringing her in?”

“Indra sent a team lead by one of her most trusted lieutenants to retrieve her, they should be within the city gates by tomorrow morning.”

“Good. What else?”

“Four _Delphikru_ who’ve come of age are refusing their five years of service, Onak is asking for our help to decide what to do about it.”

“He knows the laws, why is asking for our help?”

“Because one of the objectors is the _Delphikru_ Clan leader’s youngest son. And Onak did not want to appear partial in his decision making.”

Lexa stepped forward and placed her hands on the railing of the balcony. Titus remained still with his hands folded behind his back.

“I see”

“What should I write back to him?”

“Do you know if they are willing to serve in other ways besides as warriors? We can always use more cooks or field medics.”

“My understanding is that Onak has offered them all possible ways of serving, they do not feel that they should be forced to fight or participate in the army in any way.”

Lexa blew out a lungful of air.

“I have an idea. If they won’t serve the army, let’s send them somewhere they can build things. Tell Onak to send them to Arkadia.”

“ _Heda?_ ”

“Let’s call it an exchange. For five years, the four objectors can help build up Arkadia. It gives the people of _Skaikru_ the chance to get to know members of a _kru_ other than _Trikru_ , and to establish inroads for future trade. And it gives the objectors a way to perform their Great Sacrifice.”

“And if they want to stay in _Skaikru_ with all of their fancy technology and medicine?”

“That will be up to the leaders of _Skaikru_ , but if they don’t have a problem with them staying, I will not force them back to their old lives.”

Lexa could see Titus nod before he asked, “What if the _Skaikru_ refuse to clothe and feed four outsiders?”

“If the _Delphikru_ objectors are willing to work for their resources, and also willing to teach them some of their methods of surviving, I think that they should be agreeable to the deal. Besides, they are now part of the _Kongeda_ , they will have to accept them if I order them to.”

Titus turned his head to give her an uncertain look.

“I still have plans to visit Arkadia soon to finalize negotiations that got cut short due to the destruction of Mount Weather. I will discuss it further then.”

“What if the objectors refuse to go?”

“They know the laws, and so does Onak, if they are unwilling to serve, the penalty is death.”

“ _Ai na teik em get in chit yu tel op ai gon dula op._ ” (I will let him know what you told me to do.)

“ _Mochof_ ”

Titus made no motion to go, and Lexa had one more thing on her mind that she needed to bring up to him.

“Titus, why wasn’t Aden training with the younglings today? Did he leave with his _fos_ on assignment without me knowing?”

“Aden went into rut, his _fos_ took him to one of the bunkers near the city’s southern border.”

“When did it start?”

“Four days ago.”

Anger started to bubble up deep in Lexa’s core.

“Titus, why didn’t you tell me before now?”

“It happened just as we were finalizing the plans to induct _Skaikru._ I thought that it would have been one more thing for you to deal with, so I took care of it.”

Lexa growled.

“Titus that was not your decision to make.”

Titus bowed his head before saying, “I know.”

“I need you to give me counsel and help me facilitate our goals for the _Kongeda_ , but you cannot keep making decisions on my behalf.”

“I understand, and I’m sorry”

“If you continue to do so, I will be forced to ask the Ascension Council to promote someone else to _Fleimkeppa_ ”

Titus’ face paled. 

“ _Sha, Heda_ ”

“Go. The younglings are expecting you for their next lesson.”

Without saying anything else, Titus then walked back inside. Aden was an alpha. Lexa thought he was likely to present that way, but after her surprise presentation, she usually avoided making any assumptions about presentation based on personality traits alone. But Aden was a natural leader. As one of the older younglings, he protected the others and modeled good behavior to the little ones. He was always missed when he was out with his fos during the year. Now that he was permanently being trained with the alphas, it would change the dynamic of the remaining pups. And as the youngest alpha, it presented an interesting opportunity for him to see where he stacked up within the group.

The oldest alpha natblida, Sera, was sixteen years old. She presented about a week after the previous Conclave. At the age of eleven, Sera was the youngest natblida to present in over seventy years. If she had presented two weeks beforehand, she would have almost certainly died. The Hedon (Command) doctrine says that the timing of a natblida presentation was the will of Keryon. But if you asked Lexa, even with the predestination involved in her ascension, she felt like most of the time it was more of a crapshoot than anything else.

Because _Heda_ Dax’s command lasted for twenty-five years, an alpha novitiate as old thirty-seven and five in the primes of their twenties qualified for the Conclave. At fourteen years old, Lexa had no business winning against grown alphas, most with a decade of advanced training under their belts. And she didn’t win against them. All but one of the alphas over the age of seventeen died when a mysterious disease wreaked havoc on the city of Polis and surrounding territories. The sickness killed Dax. It’s not that Lexa wasn’t abnormally gifted even for a _natblida_ , or that the extra training from Dax himself and Anya didn’t give her a leg up, but events not even foretold by _Keryon_ itself lead to her ascension.

All of which was to say, the timing was everything when it came to who ultimately ascended. Of course, there was no true way to tell how lucky or unlucky an alpha was. If a Commander died young, the older the alpha novitiate, the greater chance of ascension, natural talent aside. But in the case where the Commander lived to say middle age, there would be enough fully trained warriors in the Conclave that skill and talent would likely rule the day. But no matter how old the previous Commander was when they died, it sucked to be one of the novitiates that presented later on in the previous _Heda's_ reign.

Which brought Lexa back to Aden. A nine-year period of peace between the third and fourth _Azegeda/Trigeda_ wars started the year before Lexa was born and lead to a baby boom. There were six alpha novitiates and that wasn’t including Aden, between the ages of 13 and 16. This meant regardless of when the next Conclave was, it was going to be an all-out brawl.

She didn’t know what she hated more, raising pups to one day kill each other, or raising pups to be bred. It kept her up at night. She hated to admit it but knowing that there was no chance of her pup having _natblida_ filled her with relief. Lexa knew the line she was walking, even if she was able to pull off convincing the Ascension Council full of bitter old omega _natblida_ , let alone the rest of the Coalition, that she had just much of a right to _Hedon_ as any alpha _natblida_ , the chances that they would accept her after finding out she was pregnant were slim. All she could hope for was a legacy where omegas _natblida_ had the choice of which path they could choose. 

Except somewhere deep in her gut, she wanted more. She dared to hope for a greater life than that. That was the thing about this pup, it gave her an incredible amount of hope for the future. At least when she wasn’t getting sharp pains in her groin every time she sneezed or whipped around too quickly when she was sparring. Recently, her nose started to feel stuffy and it never really stopped. Of all of the symptoms of pregnancy, she hadn’t anticipated her nose to be stuffy all of the time.

Lexa hadn’t realized it, but amid her musings, she had started to pace. Which would have been completely normal except that she managed to pace her way to the lift. Seeing as she was already in the lift, she decided to travel two floors down. She hadn’t talked to Clarke since they kissed two nights ago. She was nervous about what she would say. Plus, she didn’t want to come on too strong or make any assumptions about what Clarke wanted.

When Lexa faced the doors, she nervously knocked. Under most circumstances, she would have announced who it was, but at this point, she wouldn’t have been surprised if Clarke could smell her outside the room before she walked down the hall, they were that entuned to each other.

Clarke opened the door and gave Lexa a small smile that made her forget her own name. For what felt like a long time, neither of them said anything. Clarke snapped out of it first.

“ _Heda_ ”

When Clarke used her official name, it snapped her back into reality as she remembered that Zac and Seth were on either side of the double doors that she was now standing in front of. She repeated back the line she recited to herself the entire time she was on the lift.

“ _Wanheda_ , I wanted to go over some of the responsibilities you will have as Ambassador.”

“So, you want to come in?”

Realizing that she never asked if that’s what Clarke wanted, she felt the flush creep up on her face. Admittedly she wasn’t used to having to ask for permission to do anything.

“Yes”

Clarke stepped aside, allowing her to walk into the room. As soon as Clarke closed the door, Lexa felt a little self-conscious. The last time she was in Clarke’s room, well the last time she was there that they both were awake anyway, Clarke had threatened to kill her. Confident something like that wouldn’t happen today, yet uncertain of where they stood, she wasn’t quite sure where this conversation would go.

“How have you been, since … everything?”

_Smooth Lexa._

“As good as can be expected I guess, I finally went down to see some of the city, it’s amazing.”

That made Lexa beam. The city of Polis was on the shortlist of things she was most proud of. When Clarke returned her smile, Lexa felt herself go weak in the knees.

“How about you?”

“What?”

“Lex, are you okay?”

“Oh uh, sure everything’s great.”

They were both standing in the middle of the room when Lexa eyed small dining table, Clarke said,

“Would you like to sit down?”

“Sure.”

They both sat down in adjacent chairs, with their knees cheating out so that they were almost touching. Clarke intertwined her fingers together before placing them on the table. Lexa placed hers on the table face down.

“You know, for the past three months, I have had a hard time sleeping. It feels like the ghosts of my past refuse to let me rest.”

Unsure of what to say, knowing that in some ways she was the cause of these nightmares, she nodded.

“But then, as if by magic, as soon as you brought me here, I have been able to sleep. At first, I was still too angry to acknowledge that things had changed. But after repeatedly having terrible dreams early on at night, then peaceful, dreamless sleep for the rest of the night every day for over a week, I began to suspect something was up.”

Lexa started to feel a little nervous about where this was going.

“Last night, it was the same thing that always happens, I started getting flashbacks.”

Clarke reached out for one of Lexa’s hands before continuing.

“But unlike the other times, I woke up.”

Lexa couldn’t help but gulp.

“I woke up, and seemingly out of nowhere, I smelled you, your real smell. You didn’t touch me, and I made no move to get up, but I watched as you left in some secret door in the wall.”

Lexa looked away, blush creeping up her cheeks.

“Lexa, have you been coming in here, soothing my nightmares every day? Even after I said all of those terrible things to you?”

“Yes, but before you say anything, your distress was making it impossible for me to fall asleep. I didn’t want to make a big deal about it, because I was entering your space without your consent.”

“But you were saving me even when I didn’t want to be saved. Why?”

Lexa sighed before she said, “Because you helped me realize that I can love again. Because,” Lexa placed the hand that wasn’t in Clarke’s on her lower abdomen, “you’ve given me the greatest gift.”

Clarke looked away briefly before she leaned over the table like she was about to tell her a secret.

“Can I see it?”

“See what?”

“You know,” Clarke’s face turned bright red, “your bump.”

Lexa chuckled, “Sure”

Lexa had to stand up and unbuckle her armor. After she had taken off her armor, she placed it on the table. Then she hung her jacket on the chair in front of her. When all that was left was the formfitting shirt she wore underneath, she smirked as Clarke hungrily raked her eyes over her body. Slowly, she walked over to Clarke, who moved her chair so that she was facing away from the table. When she was standing directly in front of Clarke, she pulled up her shirt to expose her skin.

It had only been a week, but Lexa could have sworn that it looked visibly bigger after Clarke showed up. Logically, she knew the two events were unrelated, but she couldn’t help but feel like her pup knew it was safer to grow because its sire was here. Meela had discreetly gotten her armor taken out and it had not come a moment too soon.

Without the layers of thick leather surrounding her stomach, Lexa felt strangely exposed. Clarke tentatively reached her left hand to the center of her stomach, with the lower edge of her palm at about her navel. Lexa felt Clarke’s fingertips touch her skin first before she flattened her entire hand against her stomach. Lexa watched as Clarke’s eyes grew to the size of saucers before she mumbled almost to herself,

“Huh, there’s really a pup in there.”

Lexa laughed, which made Clarke laugh.

“You’re telling me.”

Then Lexa had to sneeze, but as she turned her head away and tried to sneeze into her armpit, she felt that same sharp pain on either side of her belly as she bared down.

“Oof, ouch”

Clarke whipped her hand away, wonder immediately replaced with panic.

“Did I do something wrong?”

The pain gone, Lexa just laughed,

“No, I get those sharp pains when I move too quickly, when I sneeze, it was nothing you did.”

Clarke now looking visibly relieved, placed her hand back where she had it before.

“My mom asked if she could give you a check-up”

At first, Lexa didn’t know what to say. On the one hand, she was concerned that one of the high-ranking officials of a clan in her coalition had such sensitive information. But she also knew that Abby wasn’t just the former clan leader of _Skaikru_ ; she was Clarke’s sire and would do anything to protect her pup. Lexa just had to prey to _Keryon_ that that protection extended to Clarke’s pup.

“What would this check-up entail?”

“Um well, I’m sure she’d ask you about how you are feeling if you are having any worrying symptoms, and we could probably find out if we are having a boy or a girl!”

Lexa wasn’t entirely sure how Abby could accomplish that last part, but seeing Clarke so excited melted her heart. Then Clarke removed her hand before sticking her ear against Lexa’s skin. Lexa was immediately taken aback by how intimate this felt. She could feel Clarke’s baby hairs tickle the underside of her bump. Clarke’s hot breath on her hip. They’ve seen each other naked, touching each other’s bodies in almost any way that Lexa could think of, yet this felt incredibly more personal.

“I wanted to talk to you about that, I was thinking of visiting Arkadia sometime this fall. It’s a tradition for the Commander to visit a clan’s land once the clan has been initiated into the Coalition”

She was pretty sure that Clarke heard her, but she had closed her eyes. It was hard to see Clarke’s eyes from the awkward angle her head was positioned in, but she was pretty sure that Clarke had tears in her eyes, which made it hard for her to stop herself from crying. But what felt like way too soon, Clarke lifted her head away from her stomach and with her eyes turned away, wiped her tears away before turning her head back to Lexa.

“Yeah, uh, that sounds like a good idea.”

“Good. After the Ice Queen has been brought to justice for her crimes, we can plan the trip.”

Clarke kept alternating between maintaining Lexa’s gaze and staring straight ahead at her bump as if she was working up the nerve to do something. Clarke brought her head close to Lexa’s sensitive skin, closing her eyes before she kissed her stomach about an inch above her navel. The kiss was so tender, Lexa felt all at once incredibly overwhelmed. Goosebumps appeared all over her skin, her heart began to pound in her ears. She took a deep breath in, before shakily taking a breath out.

When Lexa pulled her shirt back down, Clarke’s visible disappointment made her heart do flips. Lexa wanted to stay in that room for the rest of the day to be with her alpha, but she had an intelligence meeting that if she didn’t show up for it soon, Titus would look for her. And no one wanted that. She also wasn’t entirely sure that she would have been welcomed to do so. It’s not that Clarke was cold or disinterested. But Lexa didn’t want to assume that Clarke’s enthusiasm for their pup with enthusiasm for her.

Slowly, Lexa took a step back before walking to the other side of the table where her jacket and armor were. She briefly looked back at Clarke. The line in between her eyebrows reappeared and Clarke had sucked in her lips. Lexa had a feeling that she wanted to say something. But when she didn't, Lexa silently started dressing for the world outside this room.

“Listen, I would love to say here with you, but unfortunately, I have an intelligence meeting that I have to go to, or Titus might send a search party to look for me,” Lexa joked. It wasn’t entirely successful even though Clarke's lips did turn up in a slight smile.

“Is it okay if I stop by later this evening to check on you?”

“You mean when I go to sleep?”

“Yeah.”

“Of course, thank you for asking me.”

Once Lexa had her armor on, with nothing else to stall herself with, she turned towards the door.

“Wait”

Lexa turned back around as Clarke stood up and walked towards her.

“I was wondering, I mean if you would want to that is…”

Lexa could smell Clarke’s nervous pheromones all around her. She began pushing out soothing pheromones as she grabbed both of Clarke’s hands. The crease in between Clarke’s eyebrows relaxed and she took a deep breath before she started again.

“Would you like to have dinner with me?”

“Well, it would look bad to the other Ambassadors if I was showing favoritism.” Clarke’s face fell.

“But, I can have Meela bring my meal down here and I can just use the secret stairwell.”

Clarke beamed before saying, “I thought I saw you leave through the wall. Lexa chuckled before saying,

“Ezra and I are the only two that use it at the moment. It is kept secret from most of the staff even. It usually is used when Commanders need, ah, companionship.”

Clarke nodded, “Makes sense”

“He uses it to bring me my scent marked jackets and armor in the mornings. And yes, that’s how I have been getting to your room at night.”

“Well then, I expect to see you later on”

“It’s a date.”

Now it was Clarke’s turn to smile back at her,

“I mean, I will be there”

Lexa left before she could get too flustered, refusing to make eye contact with Zac or Seth on the way out. She had to think about every step forward to keep herself from skipping to the lift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always guys, thanks for reading. I promise that I planned on a sickness that kills many of the adults while sparing the children before all of this COVID stuff happened. That last scene was not planned so when I say that Lexa's legs took her into that lift honestly it really felt that way for me when I was writing this. But now that it's written it feels like a completely necessary scene in their development (at least in my story). 
> 
> Also I promise all of these cryptic references to the Ascension Council will amount to something. I know it kind of seems like some weird organization floating in the background but I promise that will get fleshed out in due time. 
> 
> Please, please leave feedback if you have it in the comments, I lifted the restriction on making comments so even people without AO3 accounts can comment too if they want. We'll see how that goes. 
> 
> Stay safe out there!


	15. The Challenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke recalls her dinner with Lexa, Nia drops a bomb, well a metaphorical one this time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter and Happy Passover guys!
> 
> I hope you are all staying safe out there!
> 
> Once again I ask that you all thank the health care workers and essential staff members in your life who are literally risking their lives. 
> 
> The next chapters will drive the plot forward, but this one is the bridge between the previous chapter and "Watch the Thrones"

**Clarke**

Clarke was sitting in the chair directly to Lexa’s left. At least she would be once Lexa showed up to the throne room. All of the ambassadors were impatiently waiting for their _Heda_ to make an appearance. The world stops for no one, except Lexa it would seem. Roan was brought up from the dungeon, forced to kneel with his hands still chained up in front of him. He refused to look at Clarke when she tried to hold his gaze. The death glares that some of the other ambassadors were giving Clarke was making her uncomfortable. It’s not that she felt threatened by them, but she also knew that flashing her dominance pheromones to bring them to heal could put Lexa in a difficult position. So instead, she had to put up with their territorial pheromones. At least from the alpha ambassadors. Of the twelve ambassadors including Clarke, seeing as the _Azegedan_ ambassador was inhabiting a jail cell, eight were alphas, three were betas, and one, the ambassador from _Flokru_ , was an omega. 

Thinking about omegas reminded Clarke of an extraordinarily beautiful one. Clarke had to turn her head away from the Ambassadors around her to hide her smile. Clarke wasn’t sure where the impulse came from yesterday, but as soon as Lexa turned back towards the doors, Clarke felt compelled to ask her to come back for dinner. What she wasn’t expecting was that Lexa would say yes. 

When Meela showed up with two dinner trays Clarke felt butterflies in her stomach. _She’s really coming to see me, after the way I treated her this past week._ It’s not that Clarke had entirely forgiven her for what happened at the Mountain, but she also realized that her trauma was her cross to bear, and blaming Lexa was just going to keep her from healing herself. 

But none of that helped elucidate how she felt about Lexa. All she knew was that she was madly in love with the pup growing in Lexa’s belly. What that said about how she felt for Lexa, well, that was an entirely different story. The path to a relationship with her was already murky before what happened at Mount Weather. The only thing she could hold on to was the hope for a future she couldn’t entirely see through the haze of today’s uncertainties. 

All at once, part of the wall swung forward and Lexa was in her quarters again. She must have left her armor and jacket back in her quarters because she showed up in the same curve-hugging shirt that made it hard for Clarke to remember her name. She felt the smile creep up on her face as her gaze finally found Lexa’s face and she dumbly said,

“Hiii”

Lexa’s lips turned up into a smirk.

“ _Hei Klark_ ”

The way Lexa said her name did wonderfully terrible things to Clarke’s core. Lexa closed her eyes and took a deep breath in,

“Dinner smells amazing”

“Let’s not waste any time then.”

Clarke pulled out Lexa’s chair for her before sitting across from her. Dinner was a venison stew with fresh vegetables and a heel of bread. Neither of them said anything for the first five minutes, each of them too busy gobbling down their food to talk. When they both had been satiated, Clarke asked,

“How was the rest of your day?”

“Good. By all accounts, Nia will be in the throne room during the meeting with the ambassadors tomorrow morning.”

Clarke nodded. She had something on her mind, something she wanted to understand, but hadn’t drummed up the nerve to ask about yet. She closed her eyes briefly and took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes, she realized that Lexa had been observing her. But her expression was open and she had a small smile.

“Lexa?”

“ _Sha”_

“I was wondering if you could tell me what happens to the omega novitiates after they present. I’ve tried asking around, but no one seems willing to tell me like I am too much of an outsider. Even Meela told me to ask you.”

“Why do you want to know Clarke?”

“I guess I want to understand you better. Why you make the sacrifices you do.”

Lexa took a deep breath in, her eyebrows furrowed.

“To be honest with you, even I don’t know all of the details. Only omega novitiates know exactly what happens and seeing as I was raised as an alpha, some things remain beyond my knowledge.”

Clarke furrowed her brows. _Typical, always dodging the truth._

“Are you just saying that to keep things from me?”

Hurt crossed Lexa’s face.

“No, Clarke, I was telling you the truth. Besides, just because I don’t know everything doesn’t mean I won’t tell you what I know.”

Clarke nodded before gazing into grey-green eyes expectantly. At least until Lexa closed them before she took a deep breath.

“After an omega novitiate experiences their first heat, the Order of the Flame becomes responsible for their welfare. From my limited understanding, they spend the next two to four years, depending on when they experienced their first heat, being taught the mythology of the flame, its secrets. They continue to train, as some of them will inevitably take care of the younglings and be prepared to defend them if necessary.”

“What happens after those two to four years are over?”

Lexa started picking at her fingernails, not willing to look Clarke in the eyes.

“When they reach the age of sixteen, they are introduced to alphas with a known potential to sire eligible pups. They are not forced to be bred and any attempt by an alpha to breed or to mate with an unwilling omega results in the removal of their teeth. But at some point, all omega novitiates have to bear two pups. It is considered their sacrifice to the cause.”

“Their sacrifice?”

“Clarke, has anyone spoken to you about the Great Sacrifice?”

“No”

  
“It goes back to the very beginning after the bombs. Sacrifices were made so that the greatest number of people could live. Even after it was safe, at least, for the most part, the mentality that everyone had to do their part to save the whole persisted, especially in _Trikru_. About 150 years ago, a law within _Trikru_ passed stating that at the age of eighteen, everyone regardless of presentation would serve five years in the army. Not everyone could serve as traditional warriors, so those who were unable to fight served as cooks or smiths. Not only did the law persist, but every clan that has joined the Coalition is required to participate.”

“So will _Skaikru_ be asked to participate as well?”

“Eventually. Your case is unique in that you are building your settlement from scratch. And all other clans knew that the Great Sacrifice would be a condition to joining. I’m thinking of holding off _Skaikru’s_ service requirements for the next ten years. But it is something I mean to address during my visit to Arkadia.”

“What happens when someone refuses to serve?”

“If we cannot come up with a way for them to serve, the penalty is death.”

“Is that what happens to the omega novitiates who refuse?”

Lexa looked away briefly before she said, “I don’t know exactly how the Order does this, but they always seem to convince the omegas to participate. Well, that’s not entirely true. There was one omega who refused. Her name was Luna.”

“Luna? The leader of _Flokru?”_

“Yes. She presented four years before I did. She was considered the best in our class. At least of the younglings. But then she presented as an omega. And from my understanding, when she reached the age of sixteen, she refused to spend her heat with any of the alphas she met. Eventually, she ran away. The previous Commander sent out search parties to find her. But they never did. By the time she was discovered, she had a following and I was _Heda_. How could I bring her in for running away from everything I hoped to get rid of? So I welcomed her kru into the Coalition, much to the Order’s dismay.”

Lexa broke out into a smirk.

“What happens to the omega novitiates after they have their two pups?”

“They can either leave the tower and take a mate, often one of the alphas that they chose to sire their pups. Or they can stay and become members of the Order.”

“Can they ever see their pups again if they leave?”

“That depends.”

“On what?”

“Their eligibility and which path they choose. If an omega’s pups were ineligible, people like Ezra, for instance, the omega can take them when they leave. However, if their pups turn out to be eligible, they are forced to leave them here to be raised by members of the Order. If an omega chooses to join the Order, they are allowed to raise their ineligible pups in the tower, and they will even be educated here, taught to read and fight. But they cannot claim any of their eligible pups. Favoritism is strictly forbidden.”

“I don’t understand how someone could just leave their pups behind and start a new life like that.”

“It’s what my parents were preparing to do. Obviously, they were hoping that I would be ineligible so that they could take me with them along with Ezra. But I was born eligible, and my mother died giving birth to me.”

Clarke felt embarrassed for making such a judgmental statement without thinking first.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to–”

“–It’s okay.” Lexa reached out and grabbed one of Clarke’s hands before she smiled reassuringly,

“You didn’t know.”

Clarke silently thanked Lexa for her grace and understanding at that moment.

“And to be honest with you, my parents would have left me because that was what they were raised to do. Yes, it would have been painful, but to them, they didn’t know any different. The punishment for trying to hide an eligible pup was severe.”

“So why doesn’t everyone just join the Order? At the very least you could be around your eligible pups, even if you couldn’t personally raise them.”

“Because members of the Order are required to remain celibate.”

“ _Oh_ , that sounds terrible”

“To be honest, many would say that the omega novitiates have it easier, they get to live, continue to learn, raise the next generation, whereas the alphas are forced to fight to the death. But it’s all terrible.”

Clarke had never felt as much sympathy for Lexa as she had in that moment. There was so much about this world that she still didn’t understand. But if there was one thing that Lexa had made clear, it was that difficult choices were the norm for her. Choices like the one she had to make at the Mountain. Clarke pulled their clasped hands to her face and kissed the back of Lexa’s hand.

Clarke marveled as Lexa blushed, the pink starting at her neck and reaching her ears. Lexa’s eyes burned in the candlelight. Her high cheekbones emphasized by the rosiness of her cheeks. Even when Lexa was being shy, she was still so beautiful. Clarke silently hoped that their pup would look like Lexa.

A knock on the door broke the spell they were both under. Clarke quickly got up from her chair and headed towards the door. When she opened it a crack just to make sure whoever was on the other side couldn’t see into the room, she was relieved to see Meela, her amber eyes and kind smile taking the panic out of her body almost instantly.

Clarke opened the door enough to let Meela into her quarters. When Meela walked in, Clarke closed to the door and followed her back to the dining table.

“I just came by to take your empty bowls.”

Lexa, now composed, face entirely cleared of the blush she had only a minute ago, answered,

“Tell the staff I said that dinner was delicious, thank you Meela.”

Clarke watched as Meela eyed the two of them suspiciously. _If only our conversation was so scandalous._ Clarke thought to herself.

“I will make sure to let them know, _Heda_. I know they will appreciate the compliment.”

Just as Meela had scooped up both of their trays, Clarke had started to walk back towards the doors to open it for her. But Meela had stayed in place.

“ _Heda_ , you will find your bath drawn up and hot.”

“Thank you, Meela, I will make my way upstairs soon.”

Meela nodded before following Clarke to the doors.

“ _Wanheda”_

“Thank you, Meela”

Somehow, Clarke doubted that anything got past her notice. With the door closed, it was once again just Clarke and Lexa. Clarke walked back to the table but chose not to sit back down and instead placed her hands on the table. Just as she was busy processing all of the information Lexa had shared with her, she caught Lexa checking out her arms. She couldn’t help the smirk that crept up on to her face. Yet another reason for her to thank Niylah.

“Like what you see?”

The blush that Lexa had gotten rid of in time for Meela to come to the table had returned with a vengeance. Lexa smiled sheepishly, having been caught red-handed.

“I’m sorry, it’s just been a really long time since, well you know–”

“You mean since we had sex?”

Lexa’s pupils dilated, her nostrils flared, and her arousal seemed to unfurl in the space around Clarke.

“Uh-huh”

Clarke wasn’t sure what her own eyes looked like, but she could smell her arousal penetrating the air, giving her away. Lexa was still sitting, so when Clarke offered a hand, Lexa tentatively took it, until they were both standing in each other’s space.

Clarke placed both hands on Lexa’s waist before placing her nose near one of Lexa’s scent glands. She closed her eyes and inhaled her omega’s glorious scent. She felt Lexa’s nose on her skin and realized that she was doing the same. They both just stood that way for a couple of minutes, Clarke leaning part of her weight on the table. Then, Clarke heard Lexa take a big sigh before she put her hands on Clarke’s and brought them in between their bodies.

“ _Klark_ , if I have any hope of having water that isn’t cold, I have to go back upstairs.”

Clarke leaned her forehead against Lexa’s.

“ _Dula op nou gyon au_ ” (Don’t go) she whispered.

“ _Yu get in ai don gon”_ (You know I have to), Lexa whispered back.

Clarke closed her eyes before taking a deep breath. But before she could say anything else, she felt a hand snake behind her neck as Lexa pulled her in for a soft kiss. There was no tongue, yet all the passion and urgency was there. As suddenly as it started, Lexa had broken it off and was making her way back to the secret stairway.

“I promise I will be back to help you sleep.”

Just as Lexa had turned back towards the door, Clarke called out,

“Lexa, _mochof_ ”

Lexa just smiled back at her before silently walking through the secret door.

Clarke didn’t remember Lexa coming back later that night but that was only because when she did eventually go to bed, she fell into a perfect dreamless sleep.

The throne room doors flung open and Lexa came through, poised and in full regalia, without warpaint. Everyone in the room stood up as she strutted into the room, looking straight ahead. Clarke found her mouth had gone completely dry. It felt like all of the heat went directly down to her center. Her clit twitched making it hard for Clarke to focus. The last thing she wanted was to broadcast her feelings towards Lexa for all of the ambassadors to see.

As soon as Lexa sat down on her throne, all the ambassadors followed. Lexa then said,

“Ambassadors of the Coalition, today we honor our covenant. The clan that stands against one of us, stands against us all.”

Titus standing on Lexa’s left yelled in _Trigedasleng_ ,

_“Bring in the accused”_

The double doors were once again opened, this time with two very large beta males that Clarke didn’t recognize, each with a hand around the arm of the woman Clarke assumed to be the Ice Queen. Nia _kom Azegeda_ was a middle-aged alpha woman with sandy blonde hair. She had jagged, crescent-shaped scars that started on her temples and ended at the top of the apples of her cheekbones. Her eyes were ice blue and had the same intensity that Roan’s did. She dressed in all leather, with fur adorning her jacket befitting her station. 

But it was her scent that demonstrated the power she had. Or at least had in the past. There was a dominance that even Clarke could respect. It wasn’t enough to make her submit, but it had the command of someone who wasn’t used to having to bow down to anyone in her small world where she was queen. 

Clarke watched Nia observe her surroundings and hold Roan’s gaze. Before the stepped up to the dais, Nia was forced to her knees. As if out of nowhere, Ezra appeared on Lexa’s right, his brow furrowed, sweat dripping down his face, blending the angle wing feathers of his war paint. From Lexa’s left, Titus announced to the room,

“Queen Nia of _Azgeda_ has confessed to the destruction of Mt. Weather, resulting in the death of forty-nine members of _Skaikru_.” Clarke watched the smirk appear on Nia’s face. Clarke wanted to smack her. 

Titus turned his attention over to Clarke, “ _Wanheda_ , what say you?”

Clarke felt the attention of everyone in the room shift to her. It would have been unnerving if not for Lexa’s gaze. It helped ground her. Remind her why she was fighting to hold everything together. 

“ _Skaikru_ demands justice.” As Clarke was speaking, she shifted her gaze from Lexa to Nia.

Nia looked over her shoulder and in _Trigedasleng_ said,

“ _Ice Nation does not answer to this girl._ ”

Titus responded, “ _Silence!_ The punishment for your crime is death. Do you have anything to say in your defense?”

“I need no defense. She does. Today is judgment day. I call for a vote of no confidence.”

When Titus stepped forward, he was practically seething, “On what grounds?”

Clarke got a sinking feeling deep within her gut. Nia’s smirk grew into a full grin.

“Everyone in this room has a right to know the truth. Our precious Commander, the person who is supposed to lead us with truth and vision has been living a lie. _Leksa kom Trikru_ lied when she presented. And she is still lying. That girl,” Nia pointed to her, before standing up and facing all of the ambassadors, “is an omega and therefore has no right to _Hedon.”_

Titus was furiously looking between Lexa and the queen.

“You have no proof of this,” Titus then motioned to the guards, “take this queen to meet her fate.”

But before the guards could reach her, one of the ambassadors, of Glowing Forest Clan, stepped forward and in _Trigedasleng_ said,

“ _Not so fast. This omega is Commander no longer”_

Then another ambassador stood up, and said, “ _Commander no longer._ ”

“Take them away too!”

Titus’ panic encapsulated how Clarke felt on the inside. The only thing that was keeping her from reflecting his panic and outrage herself was the uncanny calm that she saw on Lexa’s face. Lexa hadn’t stood up, get defensive really done anything to show the queen that she had been beaten.

“Wait”, Lexa’s command stopped the guards in their tracks.

Titus pleaded, “Lexa, please, execute these traitors–”

But Lexa put up a hand, cutting Titus off before she said, “Let her make her move.”

Somehow, all of the ambassadors, even the omega from _Floukru_ stood up and said, _“Commander no longer.”_

Clarke had had her fill of this.

“Commander, what is this?”

Still looking directly at Nia, Lexa answered, “This is a coup.”

Nia interjected, “This is the law, _her_ law. A unanimous vote of the ambassadors or death are all that can remove a commander from power.” Nia turned to face Clarke directly,

“That, or a meeting of the Ascension Council, which I can guarantee they will want to hear my claim regardless of the outcome of this day.”

The smugness in the air made Clarke want to vomit. Choosing to put that last statement aside, in order to deal with the immediate threat, she fired back,

“It’s not unanimous.”

With Nia’s full attention she roared back, “We don’t recognize the legitimacy of _Skaikru_.”

“We do.” Titus, now composed, walked in between Nia and Clarke. “Yesterday, _Skaikru_ took the brand. They are the thirteenth clan. This vote of no confidence fails. All these coup plotters will suffer the exact same fate as the Ice Queen.”

Titus stepped out of the way so Lexa could look Nia directly in the eyes. Any uncertainty Nia had was gone the moment she looked Lexa in the eyes. That disgusting smugness returned to the air.

“She won’t take our heads because she knows our armies will retaliate.” Nia then turned her back to Lexa, choosing to face the ambassadors, “None of us here want war.”

Clarke watched as Lexa, still unphased, retort, “We both know what you want, Nia.”

Lexa stood up and pushed out her scent, her true scent, all but confirming Nia’s accusation to all present. Clarke stared in horror as Lexa revealed herself after seven years of hiding from almost everyone. Titus’ eyes were the size of saucers if this was part of a plan, he certainly wasn’t privy to it. Ezra, who remained still and by Lexa’s side this entire time, had the same stoic expression that Lexa did. Clarke was once again struck by how similar they were.

No one moved or said anything. Even Nia seemed flabbergasted that Lexa would publicly out herself this way. Lexa strode right into Nia’s space, and said,

“If you think me unfit to command, issue the challenge and let’s get on with it.”

“Very well. You are challenged.”

“And I accept your challenge.”

Clarke had no idea what this challenge entailed. But she had a sinking feeling that it wasn’t a game of hopscotch.

Titus briefly looked at Lexa like she was already dead before announcing to the entire room,

“So be it. _Solo gonplei_. Warrior against warrior to the death.”

Clarke had to look away. _I just got you back_. _How could you do this to us, to our future?_

Titus looked at Nia, “Queen Nia _kom Azegeda_ , who do you choose to be your champion?”

“My son, Roan, Prince of _Azegeda_ ”, it was almost as if the only scent Nia was capable of pushing was smugness.

Titus then looked to Lexa, “ _Heda_ , who will fight for you?”

As Lexa was walking back to her throne, Clarke was silently praying that Lexa would say, Ezra. Ezra the greatest warrior alive, Ezra the powerful alpha. Ezra the sibling who wasn’t pregnant.

Instead, Lexa just sat down on her throne and said,

“ _Ai laik Heda. Non throu daun gon ai.”_ (I am the Commander. No one fights for me).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you guys for reading and please drop some feedback in the comments!


	16. To Die Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa has some explaining to do, she does a little teaching and then she gets ready to fight Roan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that I would get over 600 kudos for this fic. You guys are the best, how invested you guys are in this story really touches me. 
> 
> I can't wait to hear what you guys think of this chapter.

**Lexa**

Lexa had dismissed everyone from the throne room after she had accepted Nia’s challenge. Well not everyone. She knew that Titus had something to say to her, something that he could only say when they were alone. So she got up from her throne and went out to the balcony, folding her hands behind her back. Lexa was waiting for Titus to join her. As soon as he did, the air around her seemed heavier. But Lexa didn’t turn around. She just continued to stare down at the people of Polis.

“ _Titos”_

“ _Heda_ ”

When neither of them said anything for a few minutes, Lexa felt Titus put a hand on her shoulder.

“ _Leksa_ look at me.”

Lexa eventually relented and turned around. Titus looked as if he had aged ten years since the meeting this morning. The bags under his eyes were a deep shade of violet. His eyebrows were furrowed and his lips were a thin line. Lexa steeled herself, knowing full well that even as _Heda_ getting a stern talking to from her former teacher brought her back to her days as a pup.

“I don’t claim to be able to read your mind, but I am at an absolute loss as to why you would reveal yourself like that to all of those people. After all of our hard work, everything we worked for, you just threw it away.”

Lexa closed her eyes briefly before she looked directly into Titus’ stormy ones.

“ _Titos_ , none of the risks we have taken would have been worth it if, at some point, I didn’t reveal myself. All of the reforms we have talked about, that you hoped for when it was Dax standing before you instead of myself, reforms that I know you believe in, none of them would have been possible if I didn’t expose myself.” 

Titus broke off the eye contact and walked to the rail of the balcony. He was gripping the railing so hard his knuckles were white. But he didn’t respond. So Lexa continued.

“I know that when I won the Conclave, and you found out that I was an omega you chose to overlook all of your years of study and teachings from previous _Fleimkepas_ because you knew my cause was just. And to be honest, _Titos_ , after seven years of hiding, scrubbing myself raw, of the tedious control of my emotions required to keep my scent in check, I am tired. I am _so_ tired.”

Titus turned his head back to face Lexa.

“They’ll never follow you again.”

“Yes, they will. If I beat Roan in this challenge I will once again remind them of my prowess. Let that be what the people know me by.”

“Perhaps,” Titus conceded, “but whether you like it or not, the people’s support will not be enough. Nia did have a point, the Ascension Council will demand a meeting, sooner rather than later.”

“One step at a time _Titos_ , I am aware of their watchful eye as always, but I ask you to trust me.”

“You know that I do, but it is also my responsibility to remind you of your weaknesses.”

“I know, and I appreciate the thankless job of yours.”

“The challenge is set for tomorrow when the sun hangs low in the afternoon. Prepare yourself as you see fit.”

“ _Mochof, ticha”_

Satisfied that they had reached an understanding, Lexa left the throne room. She needed to meditate so she decided to spend some time in her quarters. Of course, when she got there, a certain alpha was sitting on one of the couches, pissed off and waiting for her. Certain that the warriors guarding her quarters wouldn’t have let Clarke in without her say so, especially with her smelling like that, Lexa knew she must have used the hidden staircase. She cursed herself for ever showing Clarke that staircase. Of course, it would come to bite her in the ass.

Clarke sat with her legs crossed. Her hands folded in her lap. That cute little crease that appeared when Clarke was worried or stressed clear on her face. But it wasn’t so cute at the moment, not with her eyebrows furrowed and the cerulean of her irises closer to a stormy grey. The room reeked of her anger, and it was laced with alpha making it hard for Lexa to focus the closer she got to the sitting area where Clarke was perched.

Lexa walked to the couch opposite Clarke and sat down, crossing her legs and folding her hands in her lap. She started to pick at her fingernails before long. But when Clarke refused to say anything, just remain glowering at her, Lexa sighed, and placed her hands underneath her legs.

“ _Klark_ , please say something.”

“Have you ever heard the adage, if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all?”

“ _Klark_ , this is serious”

“You don’t think I know that?”

Lexa didn’t respond, instead she looked away briefly before schooling her features and returning her gaze back to Clarke.

“How could you?”

“Clarke, you knew I needed to out myself sooner rather than later.”

“That’s not what I am talking about and you know it.”

“Clarke, this was my plan all along. Meela and Ezra have been spreading rumors of my presentation for weeks. When I defeat Roan, it will help me win the people to my side. It will strengthen my claim to Command. And, it will reinforce my decision to induct _Skaikru_ into the Coalition.”

“First of all, this is not just about my people. You don’t stand a chance against Roan.”

That got a rise out of Lexa, “You’ve never seen me fight,” she growled.

“No. But I saw him kill three men in the time it took the first one to hit the ground.” Clarke’s faced softened a modicum before she continued,

“And to my knowledge none of them were pregnant.”

“So that’s what this is about.”

“ _Lexa,_ ” Clarke practically whined, “Why couldn’t you let Ezra fight for you?”

“Because that would only reaffirm the notion that I am hiding behind an alpha.”

Clarke looked away, brushing a finger under her eyes before she looked back.

“Why couldn’t you tell me that was what you were planning?”

“Clarke, we only started talking again three days ago. And to be honest, I needed you to look like you were out of the loop. Nia needs to believe that she has pulled one over me.”

Clarke stood up before she said, “You should have trusted me.”

“Clarke, do you really think that if I told you my plan that you would have gone along with it?”

Clarke placed her left thumb and pointer finger around the bridge of her nose. 

When she removed her hand, she said, “What makes you think I am going to let you go through with it now?”

Lexa felt the question like a slap. She knew that she was pregnant and that it was Clarke’s pup, but seeing Clarke try to order her around like she was just her submissive little omega made her taste lava on her tongue. She stood up and got up into Clarke’s face.

“How dare you? It is not for you to decide when and where I go. You are not my mate, you do not have that kind of power of me and frankly, I would hope that even if you were, you would never hold our bond over me like that.”

“Wait, I’m sorry, that not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

“Why are you putting our pup at risk like this?”

Lexa felt Clarke’s hands as she placed them around her waist and rested her forehead against her own.

“I just don’t know what I would do if something happened to either of you.”

“And it won’t.”

“You can’t know that. Not for sure.”

“You’re right I don’t,” Lexa conceded, “But here’s what I do know. I cannot conceal this pregnancy much longer. This had to happen eventually, and I needed it to happen on my terms.”

Clarke turned her head away once more, before taking a step back.

“Please honor my wishes, Clarke”

Clarke made a soft nod before grabbing one of Lexa’s hands and kissing the back of it.

“I have to go; the younglings are expecting me for a lesson.”

“You shouldn’t keep them waiting.”

“We can talk later though if you want.”

“We’ll see.”

Lexa left her quarters with a pit in her stomach. She was not at all convinced that she had assuaged Clarke’s fears. At least she was going to be able to see the younglings. That almost always made her feel better.

When Lexa returned to the throne room, the younglings were sitting on the ground in a semi-circle around the throne. But instead of sitting up straight and addressing her as _Heda_ , they all appeared slumped over, with their heads hanging low. There were ten younglings altogether, the youngest, Ricco, was six and the oldest, Magnus, was twelve. Aden used to have that mantle but seeing as he presented, once he returned from his first rut he will remain with the alphas, living on a separate floor, and training in a separate gym.

In _Trigedasleng_ , she said to them,

_“Good afternoon my younglings”_

In unison, they responded, _“Good afternoon, Heda”_

Ricco, sitting to her left was sniffling.

“ _What’s wrong, Ricco?”_

_“N-nothing.”_

_“Ricco, we have talked about this, you are a natblida, and what’s one of the most important things that we as natblidas have to have?”_

_“Honor”_

_“And how do we achieve that?”_

_“By–by telling the truth.”_

_“So you tell me, why are you crying?”_

Rex, an eleven-year-old stocky boy with white-blond hair, violet eyes and a penchant for troublemaking, answered for Ricco.

“ _Sorry Heda, he’s just upset that we might lose you tomorrow. We all are.”_

Lexa took a deep breath before she stood up from her throne and sat on the ground next to Ricco.

Magnus spoke before Lexa could respond to Rex.

“ _Heda_ _I think I speak for everyone here when I say, we don’t care that you are an omega, you’re the best Commander this Coalition has ever known. You shouldn’t have to risk your life tomorrow just because of who you are.”_

A chorus of agreements amongst the rest of the younglings made it hard for Lexa herself not to cry. She turned away briefly in the hopes of gaining some sort of composure.

_“I need you all to listen to me, I have no plans of going anywhere, I intend on winning tomorrow and showing everyone that being honest, having honor is just as important to me as my prowess in combat.”_

_“You can’t be sure of that,”_ Magnus retorted.

Ricco started to cry uncontrollably before reaching out and sitting in her lap. Then Rex came over and hugged her. Then Magnus. The other seven followed until they were all a bundle of tears and hugs on the ground. Lexa loved each of those pups as if they were her own. It broke her heart knowing how upset they were over the risk she was putting herself in. But it was for these pups that Lexa was fighting. Her own pup might not have nightblood but these pups did. And the risks of leaving things up to the status quo was too much for her not to fight.

In the midst of her tears and thoughts, Titus must have entered the throne room because he coughed, pulling her out of her spell.

“ _Natblida_ ”

The pile of children slowly disentangled themselves from Lexa, standing up and walking over to Titus. As soon as she was free, she stood up, wiping her face dry. When she made eyes with Titus, he gave her a tight nod before filing the younglings out of the throne room without another word.

Lexa dusted herself off, relieved to be able to retire to her chambers. Hopefully to get the chance to meditate without the judgmental gazes of her former teacher, or pleas of her former lover.

###

Lexa woke up the next morning eerily calm. Somehow after a couple of hours of restless sleep, she fell into a deep peaceful sleep. She woke up with her nose buried into a pillow that smelled like saltwater, sunshine, metal. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. She could bask in Clarke’s scent all day if she was allowed. But the knowledge of her upcoming fight to the death meant she would have to savor Clarke’s scent later. She needed to loosen up, and the best way she knew how was to spar with Ezra. After eating a light meal, she got dressed and practically ran down the stairs to her private gym floor. Ezra silently threw her a staff and they got to work.

Somehow, having peaceful sleep seemed to only improve her focus. Her reflexes were solid, she was able to meet all of Ezra’s parries, and he wasn’t going easy on her. But she did tire eventually. Not wanting to wear herself out for later on in the day, they stopped after about forty minutes. After taking a swig from a waterskin, she noticed Ezra studying her.

“How do you feel?”

Lexa considered for a moment before answering.

“At peace, with whatever happens.”

A smirk appeared on Ezra’s face.

“I think you are ready.”

“I am happy someone does.”

“Let me guess, you had a talk with the _Skaialpha_ and it did not go well.”

“She freaked out. All she sees is the fierce warrior prince going up against me, the omega she–”

“–sowed her seed in.”

Lexa made a face, “gross”

“In all seriousness, I’ve had seven weeks to accept the fact that this fight needs to happen and that I couldn’t fight it for you. And I also know exactly what you are capable of, she does not. Give her the grace now, so that you can hold it over her when you prove her wrong later.”

A mischievous grin crept on his face.

“So how does it feel to not have to hide all the time?”

“Honestly? It feels so good. It feels like I was holding my breath for all of that time and now I can breathe. I didn’t realize how much energy it was taking from me day in and day out to hide who I was from everyone. I know this might sound terrible, but if something bad happens out there today, at least I know that I died free.”

Ezra wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

“Don’t let that happen. We need you. I need you.”

Lexa took a deep breath in and shakily exhaled out.

“ _Ai hod yu in_ ”

“I love you too, Lexa”

With Ezra, almost a foot taller than her, Lexa’s head reached about his chest. After staying in his arms for another moment, she felt him kiss the top of her head before releasing her.

“I think you should get ready for your day. I will make sure to see you at least one more time before the fight.”

Lexa nodded before she made her way to their staircase, quietly heading back up to her quarters. When Lexa reached her quarters, a full breakfast was waiting for her. After the workout, she was starving so she decided to eat while the food was hot before washing herself off. 

Once she was suited up in her armor, she decided to leave her pauldron in her quarters for the day. In the throne room, Titus was waiting to give her the morning briefing. Aden was apparently on his way back to the Tower. It was unlikely that he would make it back in time for her to see him before the fight, but she was pleased that he would be home safely. 

The rest of the morning was relatively uneventful. Her spymaster paid a visit. Nia’s soldiers were staying put for the time being. The four _Delphikru_ objectors were on their way to _Skaikru_. This was going to work. Everything was falling into place. 

About an hour after the sun was at its highest point, the doors of the throne room burst open. Clarke walked in with streaks of blood across her face. Nightblood. Dread dragged down her insides as Titus walked right up to Clarke.

“How did this happen?” he asked

“It was Nia. I might have tried to kill her to prevent this whole challenge from happening.” Clarke looked over at Lexa before she continued, “But she had a bodyguard, late teens, possibly early twenties, an alpha, Ontari, was what Nia called her, who smelled the trap I had placed for Nia.” 

Clarke dropped her gaze to the ground before she said, “And she had a message. That she had her own _natblida_. And she will be the next Commander.”

Titus reached out a hand and touched the drying inky blood on her forehead. Satisfied, he walked back towards Lexa.

“A Commander from the Ice Nation. Now all of Nia’s provocations make sense, and we played right into it. She knew you would accept her challenge.”

_Well technically that’s not true, she played into my hands, she just had something else up her sleeve._ Lexa thought to herself but decided it was better not to say that.

Clarke walked closer to both of them. Splitting her gaze between Lexa and Titus as she said,

“I’ve never seen blood that color before.”

Knowing that she was about to reveal another truth to Clarke, another thing she had been avoiding, Lexa felt her head travel through the past.

“It goes back to the first Commander. In addition to the Nightblood pups born here, there are cases of pups being born within the clans. When a Nightblood pup is found, they’re brought here to be trained, or supposed to be.”

Lexa brought her gaze back to Clarke, “It’s what makes us eligible”.

Lexa watched as Clarke’s gaze slipped lower to her abdomen before looking back into her eyes. Lexa tried to subtly shake her head so Titus wouldn’t notice. That was one good thing about this news, he seemed to be too wrapped up in his concerns to be paying attention to their exchanges.

“Your legacy is no longer secure. There is still time to choose a champion.”

Lexa walked past him as she said, “You know I can’t do that.”

Titus tried to reach out, “ _Heda–_ ”

“– _Leave us.”_

Lexa had her back to the door, but she heard his steps out of the room. When it was just Clarke and the two guards on either side of the doors, Clarke called out,

“Titus is right. You’re giving her exactly what she wants.”

Lexa turned around to face Clarke.

“Only if I lose.”

Lexa momentarily closed her eyes, taking in a breath. Lexa paced towards her throne before she continued, “I know you’re just trying to help Clarke, but there’s nothing you can do here.”

“I can’t just let Roan kill you.”

When Lexa looked into Clarke’s eyes, she saw the plea. With the guards still in the room there was much that had to be left unsaid.

“If that is to be my fate, you must.” When she saw the hurt on Clarke’s face, she softened her tone.

“You’re driven to fix everything for everyone, but you can’t fix this. I have to do this on my own and you have to let me.”

Clarke walked even closer, almost but not quite into her space. If the crease between her eyebrows was there, Lexa couldn’t tell due to the blood dripping down her face. She could smell the nerves in Clarke’s pheromones, if Clarke didn’t cut them off soon, it was going to influence Lexa’s own nerves.

“I won’t just sit there and watch you die.”

Lexa swallowed her response, too afraid to say it in front of the guards. Before she had a chance to say anything else, Titus walked back into the throne room.

_“Heda.”_

Clarke turned to face Titus as he trained his gaze on Lexa.

“It’s time.”

With her attention still trained on Clarke, she said,

“Then this is goodbye,” Clarke trained her beautiful cerulean eyes back to face her. If there was one thing she was happy she got to see before she went into that arena, it was those eyes.

“…for now.”

Lexa walked past her before she lost any nerve to do what must be done. She wished more than anything that she could look back one more time over her shoulder, but she kept her head straight ahead, ready to let _Keryon_ control her fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you guys were all amped up for the fight, but Lexa had some important work to do first.
> 
> I know I skipped the iconic Nia and Clarke scene and to be perfectly honest with you, I really had no desire to rewrite it. I'm sure the vast majority of you have watched this episode of the show, you know what happens.  
> Plus I really wanted to dig into Lexa's mindset before the fight.
> 
> Anyways, as always, thank you guys for reading, please feel free to give feedback in the comments.
> 
> Stay safe y'all.


	17. Braving the Gauntlet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets dragged down to watch Lexa do her thing, fireworks happen afterwords

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there is smut in the back half of this chapter. Yes, you read that correctly. After ten chapters of relatively chaste interactions. Our girls get it on. I felt like giving people a heads up in case there are some of you that have been reading this solely for the plot.

**Clarke**

Clarke went back to her quarters after Lexa left her in the throne room. She knew that she could not bear to watch the fight, yet she really didn’t have anything else to do. No one was around, everyone was in the main square. As soon as she opened the doors to her quarters, she went to the washroom where she found clean linen and a pail filled with water. She dampened the linen and slowly washed the dried black blood off of her face. Seeing the stained linen made her think about Lexa.

Her alpha was screaming at her to seek out and protect her mate. But the idea of standing around as the mother of her pup fought and died was too much to bear. Clarke left the washroom and sat down in the sitting area of her quarters, careful to avoid the windows. She had just opened up her sketchbook when she heard a knock at the door.

Clarke took a big sigh, prepared to tell whoever was at the door to leave her alone. But as soon as she opened it, a certain pain of grey-green eyes enveloped in angel wings stared back at her. Ezra was in full regalia, his armor freshly polished and pristine. He must have shaved the hair off of the sides of his head since she saw him last. His honey blond hair tied into a single braid that ended just past his shoulders.

“I thought you would be in the town square by now”

Ezra didn’t reply right away, he just narrowed his eyes before asking, “Can I come in?”

As soon as he was in her quarters and the door was closed, he trained his intense gaze on her, his voice dripping with disapproval.

“Clarke, what are you still doing up here?”

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows before saying, “You first.”

“I came back up here to get you. Clarke, why are you hiding away?”

“I can’t go down there and watch her sacrifice herself, you might be willing to do that, but I am not.”

Ezra growled, “Careful _Skaigirl_ , you may think you have a monopoly on her affections, but I assure you I have loved her a lot longer than you have.”

“I never said I loved her.”

“Cut the _skrish_ (shit), Clarke. I know you wouldn’t be holed up here if you didn’t.”

Clarke looked away and fiddled with one of the thin braids still in her hair from the ceremony only a few days ago.

“She needs you down there.”

“To do what? It’s not like I can do anything.”

Ezra sighed, “ _Branwada_ , she doesn’t need you to do anything for her, she can fight for herself, just be there for her and that will be enough.”

In a quiet voice, Clarke responded, “I don’t know if I am strong enough in case something goes wrong.”

“If you show you are there for her, you won’t have to be.”

Ezra reached out a hand and Clarke took it before he said, “Come on, we have to get you down there before the fight starts. Bring a cloak, we don’t want _Wanheda_ causing a scene.”

They hurried into the lift and Ezra half-walked half-jogged to the main square, with Clarke in tow. As soon as they were met with the crowd, Ezra elbowed his way through until they were almost to the front of the crowd. He then whispered into her ear,

“I have to make my way to the dais, as soon as you make it to the front, pull down that hood of yours, so she can see you.”

And all at once, Ezra let go of her and floated away through the crowd. Clarke could hear Titus’ voice but with the combination of all of the noise and the fact that he was speaking in _Trigedasleng,_ she couldn’t quite make out what he was saying. When she was able to see glimpses of Lexa in between the people around her, she knew she had to get the front. 

Lexa was facing Clarke’s direction so as soon as she gave a guard her pauldron, Clarke pulled the hood of her cloak down and pushed out her scent so Lexa could sense her. Clarke knew the moment that Lexa saw her as she stopped herself from reaching for her sword. 

For a brief second, neither of them said anything, they just held each other’s gaze. Lexa wasn’t wearing all of her heavy armor, much to Clarke’s dismay. Her arms were almost completely exposed. Thankfully, she had layers of leather on her trunk, enough to protect and conceal their pup. At least for now. Lexa had an eerily calm focus about her yet Clarke couldn’t help but notice a modicum of relief that crossed her face when they first made eyes. 

Lexa nodded to her as she said, “I’m glad you came.”

Clarke had to keep herself from breaking down as she said, “Me too.”

They held each other’s gaze for half a second more before Lexa broke it off, and Clarke watched with awe as she unsheathed her sword. Clarke’s trance watching how sexy Lexa looked carrying the sword ended when she saw Roan advancing on her. But as Roan pulled his right arm back and ran closer to Lexa, she gracefully parried his sword away, stepped aside and swiped her blade against his back in one fluid motion.

Clarke watched as Roan grimaced in pain before training his gaze on her. Just as quickly he spun around. But Lexa struck first. They exchanged a series of parries as Roan ceded ground and Lexa charged forward. But just as Clarke began to let her guard down a fraction at seeing her omega match and even outpace Roan’s attacks, Roan and Lexa had their swords at an impasse.

Clarke balled her hands into fists as she watched what was a fair fight turn into a competition of brute strength. Lexa had both hands on the hilt of her sword, but Roan had the leverage as he had his elbow midway up the dull edge of his sword, pushing Lexa down.

Clarke could see Roan’s lips moving but she couldn’t hear him from the other side of the makeshift arena. Lexa was forced down on one knee as Roan pushed her further. Clarke could feel her nails digging into her palms she was grasping her hands so tight. But then Lexa grabbed Roan’s sword, sharp edge and all, forcing the blades up and freeing herself. Lexa stood up and spun around.

Roan made two huge swings of his sword that Lexa seemed to dodge effortlessly. In this brief moment, Clarke could not help but marvel at Lexa in her intricate dance. If she weren’t so terrified at the moment, the whole thing would have been incredibly arousing. But then Lexa over-rotated so her back was to Roan. Clarke felt herself tense right back up as Roan kneed her in the right leg causing her to lose her balance as she reached for the ground with her left hand to steady herself. Unfortunately, her attempt to keep herself from completely falling to her knees was unsuccessful.

But Lexa tried to lunge at Roan at the same time as she dodged his thrust. When she moved her head out of the way, she fell on all fours. This forced her to lay her sword flat on the ground. Clarke was certain that she was leaving gouges in her fists as Roan kicked Lexa’s sword out of reach. Just as Clarke was bracing herself for the worst, Lexa decked Roan in the thigh with her elbow causing him to fall on one knee. With him down, Lexa was able to regain her footing and knee him in the face in the process.

While Roan was staggering back, Lexa picked up both swords. Clarke took a deep breath as Lexa now had control. Unfortunately, Roan was resourceful, and Clarke watched as he punched a guard for his glaive. Now Clarke was not a weapons expert by any means, but just by looking the glaive, it seemed way too long for close combat. But of course, Roan seemed to know how to use it as he spun it in the air.

Lexa and Roan slowly walked back towards each other. Roan made a huge swing with the glaive that Lexa ducked and then roared as she swung the sword in her right hand at his head. In a series of steps, with Roan on the back foot, Lexa would spin and strike, spin and strike as Roan artfully dodged each of her attacks.

Clarke’s anxiety must’ve have been rolling off of her because the longer the fight went on, the wider of a berth she had around her. Lexa had the glaive in between the blades of her swords. Roan whipped his blade back, causing Lexa’s blades to fall away, leaving her exposed. Using the opening, Roan knocked the blade out of Lexa’s left hand. When Lexa tried to attack with her right hand, at such close range, Roan was able to knock her other sword right out of her hand.

Clarke watched in horror, powerless to help her omega, now defenseless. Clarke wanted to roar, scream, make everyone in the square submit. She knew she could do it. She had the pheromones and the emotional distress necessary. But she also knew that that still would have been a death sentence for Lexa. When Roan took a step forward and roundhouse kicked Lexa’s head, she staggered back. Clarke couldn’t help the roar that came out of her mouth. When Lexa fell to her knees, Roan kicked her in the chest, causing her to fall backward with her face pointing up to the sky.

If anybody heard Clarke’s roar over the screams from others gathered, she didn’t notice. All she could see was the woman that she loved on the ground about to die at the hands of the prince. Clarke saw red as she began thinking of ways that she would tear Roan apart herself. As Roan stepped up to Lexa’s face, he aimed the glaive at her head before pulling it back. Clarke bit into her tongue and tasted blood. But as Roan drove his blade forward, Lexa rolled out of the way. Lexa moved her legs so fast that Clarke could barely see them spin around as she kicked Roan so hard in the legs that he fell on to his back.

Lexa rose to feet and cartwheeled away as Roan clambered up and waved the glaive at her. But when he drove the glaive forward, Lexa grabbed the shaft with her left hand and struck Roan across the face with her right. Lexa swung the glaive around once before she struck Roan in the back of his right knee causing it to give out. When she aimed the glaive at his head, Roan put his arm up to stop the shaft before the blade hit the back of his head. But Lexa forced the butt of the glaive forward hitting him in the chin causing him to fall backward.

The crowd roared as their _Heda_ beat her challenger to the ground. Lexa stalked forward, glaive in hand. But before Lexa could make her move. Nia stood up on the dais and yelled,

“ _Gyon op! Taim yu wan op, yu dula op nou wan op a hainofa, yu wan op a bushhada”_ (Get up! If you die, you don’t die a prince, you die a coward!)

Clarke was holding her breath as she watched Lexa’s gaze go from Nia back down to Roan as he told her something that Clarke was too far away to hear. Lexa told him something in return, before pulling her arm back and throwing the glaive directly at Nia, pinning her to the high back chair that she had been sitting in before she stood up. The whole square gasped as the life leaked out of Nia.

No one seemed to know what to do next, completely unprepared for the outcome they just witnessed. But as always, Lexa seemed to know what to say. She boomed so everyone could hear,

“The queen is dead.”

She then looked back down at Roan and yelled, “Long live the king!” to which the crowd responded back, “Long live the king!”

Clarke couldn’t help but fall for Lexa all over again as she watched her project strength and grace after narrowly avoiding her own death. Once again Clarke felt the overwhelming urge to cross the distance between them, except instead of coming over to save her, she wanted to jump her bones. 

Cheers of “ _HEDA! HEDA! HEDA!”_ were all around them, but Clarke couldn’t hear them. She could feel Lexa’s gaze on her. Somewhere deep in Clarke’s bones, she knew Lexa felt her call from across the square, no pheromones required. As much as she enjoyed watching Lexa bask in the glow of adoration from her people, what she wanted more than anything was having Lexa all to herself. 

But someone yanked Clarke out of her musings. Clarke felt a hand on her shoulder, forcing her to remove her gaze away from Lexa. Before she could roar at whoever dared to get in between her and her love, Ezra’s voice stopped her from making any rash decisions.

“ _Get ahold of yourself before you reveal your relationship to everyone in the square.”_

Clarke nodded gruffly, not trusting herself to say anything. He patted her on the back before saying, this time at a normal volume,

“Let me escort you back to the tower before the parties in the streets make it impossible to make it back safely.”

“But what about–”

“–Don’t worry about her, she has a whole squadron of warriors ready to get her back. But for a brief moment, she needs to let the people see her, in all of her omega glory basking in her victory. Come on.”

Once again, Clarke held Ezra’s hand as he led her out of the square. If the walk to the arena was all pent-up tension and stress, the walk away was chaos. Limbs from bodies that Clarke could not see where they originated came at her from all directions. People were yelling “ _HEDA_ ” from all directions. Some were waving weapons in the air as a salute. The closer to the food stands they got, more and more beverages and pastries and meat on a stick entered her peripheral vision and her nostrils. Someone even spilled a spiced alcoholic beverage, Meela once told her was called mead, down her shirt. 

Clarke felt overwhelmed. She had spent her entire life in tight quarters sacrificing privacy in the name of functionality, but this was just too much stimulus coming from all directions. Almost involuntarily, Clarke pushed out her dominant alpha pheromones. And a circle of people seven layers deep all around her hit the ground, Ezra included. When she could finally see how close they were to the Tower doors, she realized that she probably should have tried taking a deep breath before she drew so much attention to herself, but at this point, it was too late. 

Silently, she cut off her pheromones, and everyone around her let out a collective sigh. She reached out a hand to bring Ezra back up to his feet as others around them slowly got back up and went about their business. The rest of the walk back was largely uneventful as people around them got out of the way allowing them to walk straight back to the Tower.

Ezra got off on a floor before Clarke’s allowing her the space to settle down the rest of the way up. Alone, Clarke realized that she was nervous. She was pretty sure that Lexa felt the same way that she did, but what if she was wrong? What if it was too late? She felt the sweat on her palms when she reached for the door handle to her room. Once inside, a hot bath and a clean nightgown were waiting for her. She even had the chance to wash her hair.

But when she heard a knock on the door, she felt herself holding her breath. She couldn’t help the disappointment she felt when she opened the door and it was Meela, with a single tray of food for her to eat. Understandably, once Lexa and she were on speaking terms, Meela hadn’t been hovering during her meals, she had much more important things to do. Clarke couldn't resist the chance to ask Meela what Lexa was up to.

“ _Heda_ is recovering from her minor injuries in her room.”

Before Clarke could ask any follow-ups, Meela cut her off,

“I assure you, she will be fine, and if she wants to see you, she will come.”

Clarke closed her mouth and nodded before she told Meela her thanks, and she left her alone. Clarke couldn’t remember what she ate for dinner, she just ate what was in front of her, anxious to see Lexa, safe and out of harm’s way. Eventually, a beta staff member came to take her tray away. And then Clarke was truly alone.

Clarke felt restless, waiting and hoping to hear from Lexa. She eventually walked over to the windows to gaze out at the city. The parties were still going strong down there. Everyone was celebrating her victory. Clarke still couldn’t believe that Lexa pulled this off. She felt her heart swell with pride. Lexa was capable of changing the world. Clarke was struggling to take that in when she heard a knock. But it wasn’t coming from the direction of the doors. It was through the hidden door in the wall. Clarke’s heart skipped a beat as she walked over. When the wall swung open, Clarke gasped.

Lexa had her hair down all off of one shoulder. All of the blood and warpaint had been cleaned off. Her skin was sparkling, and she had on a dark nightgown on with a slit up to her mid-thigh. But the first thing that Clarke noticed, that drew her attention in was the fact that she smelled entirely like herself. Lexa made the smallest of nods. Wary that she might have come to gloat, Clarke said,

“Is this an I told you so?”

Her expression still stoic, Lexa said, “No. This is thank you.”

A little embarrassed that she had expected push back, Clarke blinked a couple of times, shifting her gaze to beyond Lexa’s shoulders before bringing it back to Lexa’s face. Realizing that she was blocking her entry, Clarke moved aside.

“Come in.”

Clarke's arousal increased ten-fold as Lexa’s thigh was exposed when she walked through the door. _Get ahold of yourself Griffin. She almost died._ Clarke scolded herself. As Lexa entered her quarters, Clarke grabbed her hand and saw what appeared to be a bandage, tied in haste on the wound Lexa got from holding Roan’s sword and pushing it away. 

“Sit down and let me change that for you.”

As Clarke closed the hidden door, Lexa walked over to the sitting area of her quarters. When Clarke sat down, she realized that for her to successfully bandage Lexa’s hand without skipping to the part when they exchanged saliva, she was going to have to say something. An image of Ontari, horrified and visibly furious as her queen died came to mind. 

“That girl, that was with Nia, Ontari, what will happen to her?”

While she waited for an answer, she began unraveling Lexa’s old bandage.

“She won’t be back until the Conclave after my death.”

Clarke felt herself getting wistful, “Do you ever talk about anything other than your death?” Clarke lifted her eyebrows and turned her lips up into a smirk in anticipation.

But Lexa didn’t say anything, she just returned a small smile as a blush appeared on the apples of her cheeks. Lexa had avoided her gaze by staring down her hands. Clarke ripped off enough bandage from a clean rag before gently handling Lexa’s injured hand. Seeing the wound and its black coloring was a stark reminder of what made Lexa different. What put her at risk. Clarke would eventually have to ask her how she knew their pup wouldn’t have the same blood but that conversation was for a different time.

“Thank you for backing me.”

Without looking up from Lexa’s hand, Clarke replied, “I was just doing what was right for my people.”

Clarke knew that was a lie the moment she said it out loud. For some unknown reason, Lexa didn’t challenge it. When Clarke looked up from Lexa’s hand, she realized that Lexa must have been studying her face, because she looked away almost immediately. Clarke finished tying off the bandage before she looked back at Lexa.

“Your ambassadors betrayed you, how do you move forward?”

Almost earnestly, Lexa responded, “They were doing what was right for their people too.”

They held each other’s gaze briefly, both knowing that they weren’t talking about the ambassadors, but something much more personal. A little overwhelmed, Clarke stood up. She was going to say goodnight to Lexa, but she looked down at her and gazed at her beautiful hair, how its different shades of brown bounced off of the candlelight. Earlier she wasn’t imagining the sparkles, Lexa must have applied the grounder equivalent of body glitter. She could tell that Lexa was exhausted from the day she had had, but she put in all of this effort to get cleaned up and then she came down to see her.

Clarke smelled the notes of honey intermixed in with pine, earth, fresh rain and her light hints of lily of the valley in the air surrounding them. Her omega was aroused, and so was she. She could smell her own alpha musk around them. She watched as Lexa’s pupils dilated, her nostrils flared, after all of this time, she realized that Lexa had been lusting after her just as much as she had been lusting after Lexa. Clarke offered a hand out to Lexa for her to stand. Now, with mere inches between them, Clarke took in shuttering breath as every instinct was telling her that she needed to be with Lexa in every way.

Clarke had a hard time keeping her gaze on Lexa’s eyes, they kept traveling to her bee-stung soft lips. She would have felt guilty for staring but Lexa was doing the same. Clarke snaked her left hand behind Lexa’s neck and placed her right hand on Lexa’s waist, pulling her close. When their lips crashed together, Clarke sucked on Lexa’s upper lip before Lexa licked at Clarke’s bottom lip forcing entry into her mouth. As soon as Clarke felt their tongues meet it tasted like electricity exploding throughout her entire body.

She felt Lexa’s hands exploring her muscled back through her nightgown, and Clarke pushed their bodies closer together, so they were flush against each other. Clarke could feel Lexa’s bump push on her core, and she felt herself smiling into the kiss. Clarke brought her left hand down to Lexa’s waist before she moved both hands down to her hips and then to her toned ass. Lexa let out a moan when Clarke began to grope her ass. When she began to urge Lexa up by pushing up her behind, Lexa jumped into her arms and wrapped her strong legs around Clarke’s waist as she carried her to the bed.

With Clarke still standing at the foot of the bed, she placed her hand on Lexa’s thigh, urging the nightgown up. Lexa broke off the kiss drawing a growl from Clarke before Lexa whispered,

“Let me take this off”

Clarke excitedly nodded before she assisted Lexa in removing it. The last time they were together it was in the darkness of the bunker. While Clarke certainly touched and kissed every inch of Lexa’s body during her heat, Clarke felt her clit fully extend just thinking about the prospect of seeing Lexa naked.

When Lexa’s skin was fully exposed, Clarke could smell a whiff of shyness in the air. Lexa turned away as the blush crept up her skin. Clarke gently put a hand on Lexa’s chin, bringing her back to center,

“You are so beautiful.”

Clarke put her hands on Lexa’s shoulders easing her down so her back was on the bed. Clarke then pulled her own nightgown off, knowing that it was only fair. Clarke got on her bed kneeling in between Lexa’s legs. When Clarke saw Lexa’s eyes flash to Clarke’s dick, hard and weeping precum already, Clarke stroked herself slowly before leaning down and whispering into her ear,

“This is all for you. I wanted to be inside of you the minute you got rid of that ice bitch.”

When Clarke heard Lexa gasp, she started kissing the shell of her ear. She kissed down her neck and began sucking on one of Lexa’s scent glands. To her surprise, as she was busy with her kisses Lexa sneaked her hands in between their bodies and began stroking Clarke’s shaft. Clarke released the scent gland only to let out a loud groan.

When Clarke continued to kiss further down Lexa’s chest, she felt Lexa wrap her legs around her waist pulling them closer together. What she didn’t expect was for Lexa to use her strong leg muscles to flip them over so she was on top and Clarke was on the bottom. Clarke let out a low growl, but Lexa chuckled before kissing her on the lips silencing her. Curious, Clarke watched as Lexa straddled her just above her pelvis, before putting both hands on her chest as she leaned down and sucked on one of Clarke's scent glands. Sitting up, Lexa began to slowly feel her body out, touch her biceps, the muscles in her shoulders, her abs, it was incredibly arousing. When Clarke felt her own pelvis involuntarily thrust Lexa giggled before saying,

“Be patient, it’s my turn”

Clarke tried to be grumpy she really did, but having her omega touch her everywhere made that almost impossible. And she hated to admit it, but from down on the bed, she had a great view of Lexa’s beautiful breasts. As someone who had large breasts herself, she was never particularly drawn to other women with large breasts, so during Lexa’s heat, Clarke was especially drawn to the perfect size of Lexa’s breasts. Easy grab, super sensitive nipples to fondle. But pregnancy meant that Lexa’s breasts had gotten bigger and her nipples were darker. And Clarke found it almost impossible to look away from them. She cursed herself for not taking the opportunity to lick them earlier when she had such easy access to them.

Clarke placed her hands on Lexa’s waist, stroking up and down between her narrow waist and wide hips. She felt Lexa grab her dick from behind, spreading the precum from the tip to the base of her shaft. Clarke was having a really hard time avoiding any thrusting movements. Then she felt Lexa press it against her behind and it was taking every ounce of self-control Clarke had left to keep herself from flipping them back over and inserting herself then and there.

She took a shaky breath in and let it out before she said,

“Come here.”

At first, Lexa looked confused like she didn’t know what Clarke was asking for. But when she raised her eyebrows and smirked, she scooted herself closer to Clarke’s face. With a little bit of maneuvering, Lexa had her knees above Clarke’s shoulders on either side of her head. Once again, Clarke had her hands on Lexa’s waist as she lowered her sex on Clarke’s mouth.

Clarke loved the way Lexa tasted, it was kind of like how she smelled only mixed with the musk of sex. It made her shiver just thinking about it, but actually having it make contact with her tongue drove her crazy. As she switched off between sucking on Lexa’s clit to going inside, she could feel Lexa thrust her hips forwards and backward.

Lexa took in a sharp breath, “ _Klark_ , that feels so good,” she whispered.

As she continued using her tongue, she knew she was bringing her omega closer to her first orgasm of the night when she felt Lexa squeeze her thighs tighter around her head. If this was any other day, presumably not during a time when they only had sex every four and a half months, she probably could have just stayed there all night, providing her omega pleasure. But it had been a long time, and Lexa was so very beautiful, that Clarke just really needed to be inside of her.

Clarke decided to bring out the move she knew Lexa liked the best. Clarke brought the bud of Lexa’s clit between her tongue and her top teeth, allowing her to control just how much pressure she needed to bring Lexa over the edge. She knew it drove her omega crazy, so naturally, she saved it for when Lexa was on the brink to finish her off.

“ _Klark_ , don’t…” she groaned, “…do that”, she groaned again, “there are guards outside this room.”

Which is exactly how Clarke knew not to stop. She moved her tongue all over Lexa’s folds, dragging all kinds of grunts and groans from her omega’s mouth. Lexa's sex was flooding her mouth and Clarke couldn't help but drink it up. Eventually, Clarke saw Lexa put a hand over her mouth to muffle a yelp as her thrusts became more erratic. She slowly wound down to help Lexa ride out her aftershocks before patting Lexa’s thighs with her hands. Lexa tried to get off of her face, but Clarke put her hands on her hips to keep her from moving. Clarke placed her hands on Lexa’s belly, pulling her mouth out of her sex to kiss the lower curvature of her bump several times. She could have stayed like this forever, but her dick was so hard and hearing and feeling Lexa cum all over her face only made her hornier. 

Clarke made eyes with Lexa and gave her a small nod before Lexa climbed down and crawled into Clarke’s arms. Lexa gave Clarke a long, slow kiss tasting herself on Clarke’s lips. After the kiss, Lexa whispered into her ear,

“ _Klark,_ that was amazing, but I need your penis inside me.”

Clarke smiled as she got onto her knees. Lexa was bending down onto all fours. Clarke felt herself frown.

“Wait, I want to see your face tonight.”

Lexa slowly turned around and fell back on the bed. Clarke got in between Lexa’s legs and slowly, put a finger inside Lexa’s sex. Not only was it soaked, but she also seemed ready to take her. Clarke decided to stick two fingers in and felt Lexa’s walls greedily contract around them, unwilling to let them go. When Clarke pulled them out, she took the juices from her fingers and dragged them down her dick, making it slick.

Clarke lined herself up with Lexa’s entrance but before she went forward, she waited for Lexa to nod that she was ready. As soon as she got the okay, she placed her left hand on the base of her shaft as she slowly advanced. Clarke zeroed in on Lexa’s face, making sure that she didn’t grimace or that it was too much for her. But Lexa was sucking on her bottom lip and her eyes were closed. All Clarke heard was a moan as she slowly pushed the head of her dick inside.

When Clarke felt the satisfying give of the head going all the way past Lexa’s entrance, she put both hands on either side of Lexa's body on the bed to stabilize herself. Because neither of them was in heat or rut, Clarke didn’t want to go too quickly even with Lexa as ready as she was. She knew sex during pregnancy was safe, but she didn’t want to be too aggressive. So she slowly advanced about a centimeter at a time.

Lexa had her legs bent at the knee and she quietly whimpered as Clarke progressed forward. As soon as Clarke was fully sheathed inside, she crawled up the bed and slipped her arms underneath Lexa’s shoulders as she pulled her body flush against her.

Clarke put her forehead against Lexa’s and they just stayed there together connected for the first time in forever. Clarke felt like she could feel everything in between them all of the pain, all of the loss, and all of the joy that came about from their last coupling all at once. She could have remained like this all night.

That is until Lexa brought her out of her musings,

“Um Clarke, don’t get me wrong this is really nice and all, but if you don’t start to move, I’m going to explode.”

Embarrassed, Clarke gave Lexa a quick kiss on the lips before she pulled her pelvis back, causing almost her entire dick to leave its warm home for a few seconds, before slamming all the way back in.

Lexa gasped and Clarke faltered before she said,

“No don’t stop, whatever you do, don’t stop.”

Ever the dutiful alpha, she continued to deep thrust as she felt her omega’s walls contracting and relaxing every time she moved inside of her.

“Faster”

Clarke pulled her arms out from under Lexa and grabbed her hands, intertwining them above their heads and she picked up the pace. She had to sacrifice the length of her strokes for some speed but Lexa didn’t complain if anything she kept encouraging her further by saying things like,

“ _Sha,_ that’s it, _Klark_ ” 

Eventually, Clarke could feel the contractions of Lexa’s inner walls become more frantic, and she felt herself inching closer and closer to orgasm. She released their entwined hands to place them back on either side of Lexa’s body giving her the best angle and better leverage to take it home.

She was worried that she might end up finishing before Lexa orgasmed a second time, but before she could do anything, she felt the walls around her contract simultaneously and Lexa gasped before she whispered,

“ _Klark_ ”

That was enough to do her in, and Clarke grunted as she felt herself cum inside of the woman she loved.

Satiated, she collapsed onto her omega, nudging herself in between Lexa’s shoulder and her neck, where she found her scent gland and she began to suck on it. She could feel Lexa doing the same for her. They remained together that way for a couple of minutes, neither one of them wanting to leave this moment in time. They both knew that they had much to work through, starting with planning their trip to Arkadia. But for now, at least, they knew that they had this moment and each other.

Eventually, Clarke pulled out and scooted behind Lexa, who shifted on to her side, pulling the furs over them. Lexa grabbed Clarke’s hand and placed it on her belly and both of them drifted off to the best sleep either of them had had in over four months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in this fic's ABO mythology, an alpha only pops a knot during their rut, or an omega's heat. 
> 
> As always thank you guys so much for reading! Things are going to start to diverge from cannon coming up.
> 
> Leave feedback in the comments and stay safe out there!


	18. Caught Between Obstacles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa wakes up with her lover, has a reality check with Titus and sees someone special at the end of the chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so we are now transitioning to the next phase of this story, I hope you guys enjoy this one!
> 
> As always thank you for reading and stay safe!

**Lexa**

Lexa woke up to the feeling of Clarke kissing and sucking at her breasts. She sighed, Lexa was pretty sure that Clarke was aiming to bruise, to leave some mark of their lovemaking behind even if she couldn’t mark her where they both would have wanted. On the one hand, Lexa woke up feeling like she had been thrown by a _pauna_. Her back was sore, her muscles ached from the fight yesterday and her inner thighs felt stiff. But on the other hand, Lexa felt so content. Finally, she had been filled properly by the alpha she loved. And that alpha wanted her. As she was, with swollen breasts, puffy eyes, and stretch marks, Lexa had a minor panic last night that Clarke wouldn’t have wanted her this way. But based on the way Clarke took care of her last night, and a certain appendage Lexa felt rubbing against her thigh at the moment, she didn’t have concerns about that anymore.

The sun had barely made an appearance, which was a good thing, she wasn’t looking forward to telling Clarke that she had to sneak back into her own chambers soon. Lexa placed a hand under Clarke’s chin to regrettably redirect her focus away from her breasts. At first, Clarke playfully growled but to Lexa’s satisfaction, when she whined Clarke choked off her growl and disentangled their bodies. 

“Clarke, I hate to do this, but I need to go back to my quarters before someone tries to bring breakfast to an empty room.”

Clarke's eyebrows furrowed, causing that little line to show up between them. She really hoped the pup would inherit that trait she couldn't get enough of.

“Do you have to go right now?”

“Well, not right this minute, but soon,” Lexa paused before saying, “I really loved my wakeup call this morning.”

A lazy smile broke out on Clarke’s face before she said, “Oh did you now?”

Clarke took one of Lexa’s hands and kissed the back of it.

“I know we can’t exchange mating marks yet, but,” a mischievous look broke out on Clarke’s features, “I just wanted to leave my mark on you somewhere.”

Lexa started stroking Clarke's hair as she placed her chin on Lexa’s sternum. Lexa felt Clarke’s soft, warm hand on her belly.

“Have you felt the pup move yet?”

Lexa looked away, “No”.

Clarke kissed her in between her breasts, “Don’t worry, that’s totally normal, at least, I think so.”

Lexa raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, I’m not sure, but we will just have to ask my mom when we visit Arkadia.”

“I actually wanted to talk to you about that. We are likely going to have to go sooner rather than later.”

Now it was Clarke’s turn to raise an eyebrow.

“I know you haven’t been back there in a while, is this going to be a problem?”

Lexa stared down at her love who wasn’t giving her anything, just holding her gaze, expressionless. Eventually, Clarke kissed her in between her breasts again, before crawling up to her face and kissing her on the lips.

“As long as we are doing it together, I know we will be fine.”

Clarke flashed her a small smile and if Lexa wasn’t already lying down, she would be weak in the knees. Clarke moved off her and sat up on the bed. When Lexa did the same, she couldn’t help her eyes traveling down to Clarke’s hard dick, pointing at the sky.

“Oh uh, I can get rid of this,” Clarke’s pale skin turned a beautiful rosy red. Lexa couldn’t help but fall in love with the woman in front of her as she grabbed one of the pillows to hide her hard on.

Lexa pulled Clarke into a heated kiss, one that Lexa could have drowned in. But the sun was making its appearance known and leaving streaks of light on the floor of the bedroom. If she didn’t leave soon, it would be too late. Regrettably, she had to break off the kiss. She placed her forehead against Clarke’s before she whispered,

“I have to go.”

She heard Clarke breathe out a deep sigh, “I know. I just wish we could stay in bed like this all day.”

At full volume, Lexa responded back, “Me too. But we both have responsibilities to people other than ourselves, and I wouldn’t be me, and you wouldn’t be you without them.”

Clarke breathed out an exaggerated sigh, “I guess you’re right.”

Lexa climbed off of the bed and reached her arms up in a long stretch. She noticed Clarke checking out her breasts.

“Clarke, if you keep looking at me that way, we’ll never leave this room.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

Lexa brought her hands back down and placed them on her hips. She raised an eyebrow and held Clarke’s gaze until Clarke’s pupils dilated and the smell of her arousal filled Lexa’s nostrils. She had to get out of there. She shook herself out the spell the two of them were under before walking over to where her nightgown laid limp on the floor. As soon as she had her nightgown on, she walked over to the bed, giving Clarke one last, long kiss before she stood back and said,

“I’m going to leave you with that," Lexa shifted her gaze downwards towards the pillow, "to take care of.”

Clarke groaned before falling back on the bed. Lexa left through the hidden door, laughing all the way up the stairs.

###

After a lazy bath, this time to wipe the sex off her body from last night, Lexa got dressed and ate breakfast before heading to the throne room to get her morning briefing from Titus. When she got there, he was standing on the balcony as he usually did these days, hands behind his back. Lexa walked over to his left and curved her hands around the railing.

“ _Os sonop, Titos_ ” (Good morning, Titus)

“ _Sonop, Heda”_

“ _Chit imfou dula op yu don gon ai deyon?”_ (What messages do you have for me today?)

“ _Haiefa_ Roan left early this morning with the remaining _Azegeda_ warriors Nia brought with her.”

Lexa nodded before she realized that they were both staring down at the city.

“Proceed”

“He appointed Siref to be his newest Ambassador.”

“Do you know anything about him?”

“From what I hear, he is loyal to his clan, but there was no love lost between him and Nia.”

_Well, that’s probably as good as it’s going to get from an Ambassador from the Ice Nation,_ Lexa thought to herself.

“Roan will expect you to visit him sometime after his coronation.”

Lexa wrinkled her nose, it was mid-October, there was no way she was going up to that frozen tundra, not for the foreseeable future.

“That can wait until the spring, travel up to the Ice Palace would be treacherous, even now.”

“ _Ai fig raun den seintaim.”_ (I think so too)

Satisfied, at least for now with their progress with _Azegeda_ relations, she asked Titus,

_“Chit ste neson?”_ (What’s next?)

“I have spoken to Ragnar.”

When Titus didn’t continue, Lexa began to worry, “And?”

“And, you have a week.”

“Until?”

“A week until the Ascension Council plans to convene about your right to _Hedon_.”

Lexa nodded stiffly, knowing that Titus had turned to face her, to study her reaction.

“I assumed they would soon enough.”

Titus silently reached to place a hand over Lexa’s on the railing.

“Do you want to talk through our strategy for the meeting?”

Lexa shook her head, “No. Not yet. I need some time to think.”

Titus held her gaze before he nodded and then looked back down at the city.

“I need to plan a trip to Arkadia”

Titus whipped his face back towards her, “ _Heda?_ ”

“It’s their right to tend to Nia’s body as they see fit, plus it’s tradition for the Commander to visit a clan after it’s been initiated into the _Kongeda_.”

“Yes, but that does not necessarily mean you have to do that right away. Can you not send the _Skaialpha_ back to her people with the body of the Ice Queen? We need to focus on the hearing.”

“That’s precisely why I need to do this now. _Titos,_ there might not even be an after the hearing for me. I have to do this now. Without it, both the people of _Skaikru_ and the rest of the _Kongeda_ won’t see it as a legitimate clan.” 

Titus stubbornly nodded.

“I know you do not need him to mask your scent anymore, but please, bring Ezra with you.”

“He’s the head of my guard, of course, I’m taking him, but I’m thinking you want him there for another reason.”

Titus bristled, like an animal being cornered.

When Titus didn’t respond, Lexa asked him plainly, “ _Titos_ , what are you saying?”

“Ezra can keep an eye on the _Skaialpha_ for you.”

Lexa felt the anger bubble up from her pores.

“And just why would he need to do that to Clarke?”

Titus narrowed his eyes before saying, “Do not feign ignorance Lexa, we all saw the way she looked at you during the induction of _Skaikru_ into the _Kongeda_ ”

“You act as though she has bad intentions.”

“ _Leksa,_ how can I not assume that? She knows you are an omega; it is the smart move to try and seduce the person who is now responsible for her people’s welfare.”

Lexa looked away, unable to look at him.

“If I were her advisor that is what I would be telling her to do. In fact, as word travels throughout the _Kongeda,_ be prepared to hear offers from all of the clan leaders trying to propose to you.”

Lexa placed her right pointer finger and thumb on the bridge of her nose.

“We are not going to discuss this further.”

“Do not think that I have not noticed the way you look at her.” 

“ _Titos_ , I am not going to say this again, back off.”

Unwilling to placate her, he refused to stand down when he said, “Would she be as willing to woo you if she knew about your condition?”

Lexa didn’t know if she was more angry or afraid of what Titus might do next.

“How did you–”

“– _Leksa_ you might be able to convince others around you that you have simply gained a little bit of weight, but you cannot fool me.”

“Are you going to tell Ragnar?”

The hurt that crossed Titus’ face almost made Lexa feel guilty. Almost.

“Of course not. _Leksa_ , sometimes you forget how much I care about you.”

_“But_ ”

“But you should have told me earlier, just like you should have told me about your plan to get rid of the Ice Queen. I cannot help you if you are not honest with me.”

He turned his whole body to face her and she did the same. Then he put his arm on her shoulder.

“Who is the sire?”

You would think that Lexa would have learned better than to lie to Titus again. But she knew that if he found out that the pup was Clarke’s, his head might explode.

“She’s dead. She helped me through my heat back when we were at war with the _Maunon_. Then she died during the siege before I made the deal and had our people stand down.”

Lexa turned her head away, hoping he would buy it.

“I am sorry, that must have been painful.”

His sympathy made her feel bad for lying because she knew she didn’t deserve it.

“Do you know if she was related to anyone with _natblida_?”

At least that was a question she could answer honestly.

“No. All red bloods.”

Titus had a faraway look in his eyes as if he was thinking about his own two pups that died. The two pups that he never talked about that Lexa only heard referenced in Dax’s thoughts.

“That is probably for the best. I think it is fair to say your family has sacrificed enough for the sake of the _Kongeda_.”

Lexa didn’t know what to say to that. Titus took a deep breath before saying,

“I think you should go to Arkadia, tonight, the sooner the better. Bring twenty, twenty-five _gonas_ (warriors) with you. We will worry about the Ascension Council when you get back. Hopefully, we can plead your case without them ever knowing about the pup.”

Lexa nodded before Titus said, “And bring the _Skaialpha_ if you must, and if she finds out about the pup, she just might leave you alone.”

Lexa nodded, and as she turned back towards the throne room, Titus said,

“One more thing.”

_Great, what now?_

“Aden is back. He returned late last night. According to _Selomi,_ he did great.” (pronounced Sell-oh-mee)

_Aden’s back_. Lexa could hardly wait, she had to see him. Selomi, an incredibly strong and brilliant warrior who also happened to be an omega, was her choice for Aden’s _fos_. 

“Did they form _jus teina_?” (blood tie)

“ _Sha_ ”

“Os” (Good)

“I am sure he would like the chance to see you before you left for Arkadia.”

“I would like to see him too.” Lexa sighed before she said, “ _Mochof, Titos_ ” before she ran inside, too excited to wait for his response.

Lexa went to the lift and descended the seven floors down to the alpha gym floor. When the lift doors opened, Lexa was immediately immersed in the smell of sweat, pent-up alpha angst, and hot leather. One of the many things she didn’t miss about alpha training. The walls were lined with a combination of dulled practice weapons and real ones. Punching bags were hung from the reinforced beams. Six alpha novitiates were present. The second oldest, Raf wasn’t there. If Lexa remembered his rut cycle correctly, he must have gone into rut just as Aden was coming back. Four of them were standing around Aden and the oldest alpha novitiate, Sera, each fighting with a staff. The head instructor of the alpha novitiates, Sori (pronounced Soar-ee) had her fingers intertwined in front of her.

Sori was both the bane of Lexa’s existence, and the reason that she was still alive today. Another one of Dax’s original novitiate mates before she presented as an omega, Sori was tough as nails. Half of her head was shaved, the other half in braids that went down her back. Her skin was rich mahogany that covered long beautiful muscles underneath. Her onyx colored irises always seemed to see right through her. If there was one person Lexa was sure would have figured out her secret, it was Sori.

When Lexa walked further on to the floor, she made eyes with Sori. The instructor told Aden and Sera to keep it up before she walked over to where Lexa was standing.

“ _Heda”_

“Sori”

They gripped each other’s forearms in greeting. Despite how perceptive Sori could be, her expressions rarely went beyond slight variations of stoic. Even now, Lexa had a hard time reading her and they have known each other for seven years.

“How’s Aden?”

Sori turned back to the thirteen-year-old alpha thoroughly getting his butt kicked by Sera. The right side of Sori’s lips turned up into a smirk. She turned back to Lexa.

“He’s going to be fine. Seeing as he presented at thirteen, he’s not quite as green as some of the others were when they presented. So naturally, they are giving him a hard time.”

Lexa nodded before she watched him get dropped on his behind. 

“Would it be okay if I pulled him out for a couple of minutes? I am leaving Polis for a week and I haven’t seen him since he presented.”

“Of course, _Heda_ ”

Before Sori walked back to the alpha novitiates, she reached out her forearm before putting her other hand on Lexa’s back, pulling her close. She then leaned her head forward and whispered into her ear,

“I want you to know how proud of you I am.” She paused before she followed it up with, “And you aren’t as alone as you think you are.”

She stepped back and squeezed Lexa’s arm before she turned towards the novitiates and clapped her hands.

“ _Os dula. Nic en Kris, yu ste op_.” (Good job. Nic and Kris, you are up.)

As Sera and Aden handed over their staffs, Sori told him,

“ _Heda kom op gon chich op yu.”_ (The commander came to speak to you.)

When Aden saw Lexa standing in the corner of the gym, his face lit up, and it made Lexa’s heart melt. She knew she was never supposed to show favoritism towards any of the novitiates but if pressed, Aden was always her favorite.

When he ran over, he pulled her into a hug. At this point, they were about the same height, but Lexa had a feeling that that wouldn’t be true for long. Something about the way maleness interacted with alphaness meant that male alphas were almost always tall and broad, so long as nutrition allowed for it.

Aden was the seventh alpha that had presented since Lexa had ascended, but she didn’t think that she would ever get used to watching them as younglings one week come back as alphas a week later. Even after Sera made a meal out of him, Aden still had the air of an alpha, dignified and strong. And Lexa had never been so proud of him.

When he released her, he stood back but before he could say anything, Lexa told him,

“Teik ai chek au gon yu.” (Let me look at you.)

A blush crept up on to his face.

“How have you been doing?”

When he started speaking to her in _Trigedasleng_ , she told him,

“Practice your English, it’s more important now than ever.”

He gave her a sheepish grin before he said,

“Things have been good, the sleeping quarters are bigger, and all of the alphas have been nice so far.”

“How do you feel about your new instructor, Sori?

“Um, she’s great,” Aden swallowed his bottom lip before averting his gaze.

“Aden”

“She scares me a little.”

“That’s part of her job.” Lexa put her hand on Aden’s cheek,

“I know this is hard, but unfortunately it only gets harder from here. But know that for as long as I am breathing, you will have me.”

Aden broke out into a small smile.

“Now, I will be gone for the next few days, but I wanted to see you before I left.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to Arkadia”

“Is _Wanheda_ going with you?”

Lexa had trouble hiding the smile that was creeping up on her face.

“Yes, yes she is.”

“Do you think I could meet her sometime?”

“I think that could be arranged”

Nic and Kris had already finished sparring and Sori had set up the final two to spar. She knew she couldn’t keep Aden for too much longer.

“You better head back over, I don’t want to get you in trouble with Sori.”

“Leksa, I–I’m proud of you. For what you did, and the future you are fighting for.”

Lexa didn’t know what to say. She looked away briefly to hide the tears that were refusing to stay above her lower eyelids. She wiped them away before she grabbed Aden’s face with both of her hands and kissed his forehead.

“Now go over there before you get both of us in trouble.”

When Aden rejoined the group, she got a tight nod from Sori before she headed back to the lift. The last thing she had to do was tell Clarke that within the next twenty-four hours, she would be face to face with her mother. She had no idea how Clarke would react to leaving on such short notice, but no matter what, she knew that they would work it out together. She couldn’t help the smile on her lips as she traveled the five floors up to Clarke’s quarters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I imagine Sori as an older Danai Gurira in her later 40s early 50s. I didn't anticipate writing as much about her as I did, but she is definitely one of those people in Lexa's life that she had a defined relationship with that drastically changed once she ascended. 
> 
> Also I am super excited to bring this story to Arkadia. 
> 
> As always thanks guys for reading! Please feel free to drop feedback in the comments, I always appreciate it when you do. 
> 
> Stay Safe!


	19. Reunions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa visit Arkadia, Raven gets them up to speed, negotiations are attempted between Kane, Abby, Lexa and Clarke, Clarke begins to introduce Lexa to the rest of the gang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Welcome to Chapter 19! We are probably at the top of the fourth inning if we are speaking in baseball metaphors. The timing of the next couple of chapters is crucial so please excuse any over clarifications at the top of chapters or even within the dialogue of the fic. I tried to make it seem natural, and the alternative is for the timeline to be murky. 
> 
> Anyways, this is a long one, I cannot wait to hear what you guys think about this one.

**Clarke**

**Six Days Until the Hearing**

Clarke felt an uncanny sense of déjà vu walking from a grounder camp to the gates of what used to be Camp Jaha. It had been a long night of riding. But Lexa had insisted they leave for Arkadia right away. Clarke wasn’t entirely sure what the Ascension Council hearing entailed, but she knew that Lexa was worried. For something to visibly spook Lexa, it must have been terrible. Unfortunately for Clarke, that meant riding hard all afternoon and all night. When they reached Indra and her _gonas_ just before sunrise, Clarke practically leaped into her arms. 

Despite all of the inroads that Indra had made with Kane in particular over the past few months, the two miles between the camp of _Trikru gonas_ and Arkadia were not far enough. There had been very little contact between Arkadia and the army meant to defend it. Calling them all _Trikru_ was a misnomer. It was a camp of two hundred _Trikru gonas_ plus four _Delphikru_ objectors. Indra told them that the _Delphikru_ objectors walked to the gates of Arkadia but were refused. They had no choice but to travel to the _Trikru_ camp while they waited for orders. 

_ Just great, another thing to negotiate. _ Knowing that they were on a tight schedule, they didn’t wait for tents to be raised before Clarke, Lexa, and the twenty-five _gonas_ rode with the cart containing Nia’s body in tow, to the gates of Arkadia. 

As the team approached Arkadia, Clarke was struck by the level of security she saw. The walls had all been reinforced and watchtowers were now on either side of the gates, each manned with three guardsmen. All of them equipped with a machine gun apiece. With about ten yards between them and the gates, Clarke looked at Lexa and said,

“I know it’s tradition for you to go first to address the clan, but in this case, I think it would be better if I take the lead on this one, at least for now.”

Lexa studied her briefly before she said,

“You mean you’re less likely to be shot on sight.” 

“Exactly.”

Lexa looked back at her _gonas_ and told them to stop where they were. Clarke got off of her horse first. Knowing that the Arkadian guards were watching her, she didn’t look back as she walked slowly to the gate with her hands up. Clarke wished she still had some of her old clothes from the Arc, it would have made it easier for them to recognize her. It was a good thing she left the panther teeth necklace back in Polis. 

She could hear two sets of footsteps behind her. A gust of wind brought Lexa and Ezra’s scents to her nostrils.

“What is your business here?” One of the guards above her boomed.

Clarke couldn’t see his face due to the glare from the sun, so she should put her hand to her forehead in order to get a better look. When she recognized the man who spoke to her, she couldn’t help the relief that washed over her.

“Miller, is that you?”

“Clarke?”

“Yeah”

“Oh my god, it’s Clarke!” Miller motioned to someone on the other side of the gate that she couldn’t see.

“Let her in!”

As the gate swung open, Clarke was shocked to see that a crowd had already formed at the entrance. Before she could take one step forward, someone Clarke didn’t recognize yelled,

“Nobody said anything about letting in grounders!”

Clarke could smell the fear and hostility coming off of some of the people standing in front of her. She felt herself mounting a territorial response, unwilling to let harm come to Lexa or their pup. She would have layered in dominance pheromones if not for the soothing pheromones coming off of Lexa now standing one stride behind her and to the right. Before she could say anything, Abby pushed herself to the front of the crowd.

“Clarke?”

“Mom!”

Clarke jogged over to Abby and gave her a huge hug. Once again, she had to bite her lip to keep the surprise off of her face about how little of her mom she had to hug. With a quick scan of the other people around them, she realized that it wasn’t just her mom being too stressed or too busy to eat, they all had sallow faces.

“What are you doing here?” Abby whispered

Clarke responded loud enough for all present to hear, “I am here with the Commander. It is tradition for the Commander to visit any clan that has recently been inducted to the Coalition.”

“And what if we don’t want to welcome her here with open arms?” That same voice from before piped up.

Clarke started to growl but one stern look from Abby and she stopped. Abby pulled her close again to whisper into her ear,

“Control yourself, it’s like a powder keg within these walls right now.”

Clarke took a deep breath, but before she could speak, Lexa stepped forward, arms exposed to avoid being perceived as threatening.

“I have come to learn and understand more about your people it’s true. But I have also come to bring you justice.”

Clarke held Lexa’s gaze briefly after she referenced a conversation they had on the way to Arkadia. Lexa took another step closer to the gate. Clarke could smell omega persuasion in the air, something she wasn’t used to smelling from Lexa. In another context, it would have been incredibly arousing.

“What happened at Mount Weather was the work of the Ice Queen, Nia. Two days ago, I killed her in a challenge to the death. The law states that it is within the rights of those harmed to inherit the body of the person who committed the crime. I have brought her body to you.”

As Lexa was speaking, Kane finally made it to Abby’s side. Clarke couldn’t help but notice the Chancellor’s pin attached to his jacket. Clarke watched as Kane looked at the people of the Arc before looking back at Lexa.

“Alright. You are welcome into our camp, and we graciously accept Nia’s body. Preparations will be made to burn it.”

Clarke felt her own body visibly relax.

“But only you and Clarke may enter the grounds.”

Clarke was about to protest when she saw Lexa put her hand up, silencing Ezra who had already started to growl.

“Agreed”

Lexa told Ezra to take the rest of their group back to Indra, leaving the cart with Nia’s body at the gate. Ezra was furious and his anger was making Clarke uneasy. When he handed Clarke the reigns of their horses he whispered,

“Bring her back alive or so help me, Clarke, I will bring an army to lay waste to this little village.” 

He turned around and left the gate so fast that Clarke couldn’t respond. Clarke handed off their horses to Tom, one of the delinquents, before walking over the Lexa. Clarke walked into a conversation between Lexa, Kane, and her mother. 

“Then it’s settled, we will bury the body at sunset,” Kane said before he looked directly at Clarke,

“Do you think that you could show Lex– _Heda_ around?”

“I could try.” Clarke looked around at all of the new buildings made out of wood and sheets of metal from the ring. There was a garden that wasn’t there when she left. It wasn’t just the name that had changed. 

“Good, then you, me, Abby, and _Heda_ can have a meeting later on today to hammer out some terms.”

Clarke exchanged a glance with Lexa. She knew that Lexa was used to long days, but if she was exhausted, she could only imagine how Lexa must be feeling. 

“Actually–”

“–Clarke Elizabeth Griffin, you’ve been here for how long and you haven’t said hi?”

_ Raven _ . When Clarke saw Raven, she ran over to her and picked her up. After spinning her around, she put her back down on the ground. 

“Woah there, Princess, ask a girl out first before you sweep her off her feet.”

Amidst all of the stress of the challenge and then rushing to get here, she didn’t realize how much she missed the people she fought for all those months ago. Or how good it would be to see them once again. 

“Let me be the one to give the tour.”

Clarke nodded before a certain omega coughed behind them.

“Oh uh, Raven, I'm sure you remember, this is the Commander. Commander, this is Raven.”

Lexa offered her forearm out before saying, “Raven, it is good to see you again under much better circumstances.”

But Raven just stared at the forearm offered to her.

While Raven hadn't expressed any hostility, her distaste at the hand offered to her left much to be desired. Clarke had to bite down on her tongue to keep herself from growling or giving herself away. But thankfully, Raven gripped Lexa’s forearm before she said,

“Hopefully we keep it that way.”

Clarke let out a huge sigh before Raven followed up with, “Come on, I want to show you my workshop.”

Clarke could feel Lexa’s unease as soon as they walked into what remained of Alpha Station. She clenched her teeth, raised her shoulders, and held her back ramrod straight. While Lexa may have been used to living inside the Tower, she always had access to the outside world through glassless windows and balconies. The Arc was claustrophobic even for Clarke after three months away from it, and she was raised on this station. She wanted to hold Lexa’s hand for reassurance but that would have given too much away, so she settled for pushing out soothing pheromones.

When they reached what Clarke had assumed to be Raven’s workshop, Raven closed the door as soon as all three of them were inside. Clarke couldn’t help the smile that crept on to her face. The room had three tables positioned in the shape of a “U”, each covered in gizmos and circuit boards. There was a chair for each table and Raven motioned for each of them to take a seat. As soon as Clarke had taken a seat, Raven burst out,

“Clarke, I have loads to tell you.”

Clarke couldn’t help but look at Lexa. After their awkward introduction, Clarke was surprised that Raven would be so willing to talk so freely in front of her. The unease must have been written on her face because without batting an eye, Raven said,

“Relax Clarke, I already know you guys are together, and you are going to tell her anything I tell you anyway.”

“How did you–”

“–Octavia told me.”

Clarke felt her blood boil, and her anger unfurled in her scent. She gripped the armrests of her chair until her knuckles were white.

“She promised me that she wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“Stand down alpha, it’s not like she broadcasted it on a ship-wide channel.”

Raven broke off their eye contact and looked at the ground briefly.

“And besides, I’d like to imagine that I’m not just anyone to you.”

It was Clarke’s turn to look at the ground. She didn’t know what to say. On the one hand, of course, she wanted Raven to know. Her inner alpha wanted everyone to know that she had claimed her omega and that her omega had claimed her. But on the other hand, her alpha demanded that she protected Lexa and their pup at all costs, and the more exposure their relationship had, the sooner people would likely put two and two together that they were expecting a pup together.

She knew her anger must have made both Raven and Lexa uncomfortable, but when she could sense soothing pheromones in the air, she was surprised to find that they were Lexa’s and not Raven’s. Knowing how protective Lexa was of her personal life, feeling her try to actively calm her down made her heart well just a bit. When Clarke exchanged glances with Lexa, she knew that Raven would likely not be able to read her expression, but she got the impression that they would have to talk about it later when they were alone.

Raven pulled them out of their spell when she said,

“Anyways, you sure picked a strange time to show up here, Clarke.”

“Why? What happened?”

“It started the morning after the destruction of Mount Weather. Kane, Abby, and everyone who went to Polis made it back here sometime in the morning. Sinclair and I hobbled back here in the afternoon. I wasn’t here when Abby and Kane explained what happened at Mount Weather to everyone but let’s just say, it didn’t go well.”

“I would expect not,” Clarke conceded.

“The following day, Kane won the election unopposed.”

Clarke nodded, it made sense that Kane and her mother would want him to legitimize his power with an election as soon as possible.

“But that same day in the afternoon, the _Trikru_ soldiers showed up. And some people could accept that they were here for our protection against the Ice Nation. But many didn’t know what to think. And others were scared of them.

“Three days ago, a memorial service was held for all of the people who died at Mount Weather. But it didn’t go well. Lincoln was attacked by one of the Farm Station men.”

“Is he okay?”

“He’s fine. And thankfully, he didn’t press charges, or it could’ve gotten a lot worse.”

Clarke put her thumb and her pointer finger on either side of the bridge of her nose. She knew it would be tense when she returned but she didn’t realize how bad it had gotten. 

“After the destruction of Mount Weather, Pike and his Farm Station cronies wanted revenge.”

“But we were working on that in Polis.”

Raven looked towards Lexa when she said, “I know that, and Kane and Abby told him that, but I understand why Pike and others didn’t have confidence that his people would be avenged fairly.”

Clarke let out a frustrated growl.

“Would you let me finish telling you what happened or are you just going to huff and puff this whole time?”

Clarke crossed her arms before giving Raven a tight nod to continue.

“From what I understand, two days ago, Pike, aware that Bellamy had lost his mate, appealed to him.”

Clarke released her arms. She knew that Bellamy had lost someone in Mount Weather, but she had no idea that he had taken a mate.

“Who–”

“–Her name was Gina. She was smart, strong, and beautiful. And she made him better.”

Clarke looked over at Lexa briefly before she quietly said, “I know the feeling.”

Lexa gave her a small smile before Clarke turned her attention back toward Raven.

“What was his appeal?”

“That Bellamy should use his guard access to give Pike and all of his goons machine guns to go out and kill the _Trikru_ army.”

Lexa growled this time, her tone deadly when she said,

“I sent them here, to protect your village.”

“Yeah, that’s what Indra said when she showed up at the gates.”

Raven wasn’t backing down. Normally it was a trait that Clarke always admired about the beta. But her stubbornness wasn’t helpful at the moment. 

“But Pike didn’t trust the words of a grounder.” 

Unwilling to let this escalate any further, Clarke said, “So what did Bellamy do?”

“He turned them in. Yesterday, Pike and his crew were arrested for treason.”

“Do you know what Kane plans to do with them?”

“No, all I know is that all his Farm Station goons are in one cell, Pike in a cell away from the others. And then you guys showed up today.”

Clarke stood up, she needed to talk to Kane sooner rather than later. But most importantly, she needed to find Bellamy. He wasn’t in the crowd this morning, not from what she could see.

“Where’s Bellamy now? I didn’t see him outside.”

“He hasn’t come out of his room. Octavia told me he resigned his commission after he turned Pike in.”

“I have to go see him.” Clarke made her way to the door when she heard Raven over her shoulder.

“Clarke, wait.”

Clarke turned around and slowly walked back over to Raven’s table.

“There’s something else. We need help. I don’t know if Kane will be too proud to tell you this, but if something doesn’t change, we will starve before the end of winter.”

“What about the gardens?”

“Those were planted way too late in the season. I spoke to Monty about it, and he told me there just wasn’t enough time for the plants to grow.”

Clarke put her left pointer and middle finger on her temple and her thumb under her jaw. Why did she ever think that this was going to simple? She never thought it would be easy, but how the hell were they going to work all of this out and be back in time for a hearing that could still result in the death of Lexa and their pup.

“I need to find Kane. We need to have that talk now.”

###

Clarke sighed. Her body was rebelling against her. She needed to take a nap soon or she would collapse. Or she might tear into someone’s throat with her teeth. At this point, it could go either way. Kane, Abby, Lexa and she were sitting in the old council chamber around the circular table. The first topic of discussion was about what they were going to do with Pike and his goons. But they were all talking in circles.

“I think we all agree that he needs to be punished somehow,” Kane said.

“But the problem is, he hasn’t done anything.”

Clarke responded, “Hasn’t done anything? He threatened the very army that came to protect him. Warriors that left their own villages vulnerable while they remain here.”

“Clarke, plenty of people did not like having those warriors so close to Arkadia. If I sentence him to death to send a message, it could only encourage others to take his place. My hands are tied here.”

Clarke had had enough of this. She felt herself releasing alpha dominance pheromones throughout the room. She had spent the past two weeks in Polis keeping herself in check, she was too tired and too pissed off to sit idly by.

“Your hands are tied? Your hands are tied? You are the freaking Chancellor! Untie them”

“Clarke, get ahold of yourself.” Abby, sitting on Clarke’s left, reached for her hand, but Clarke didn’t want to hear it. She yanked her left hand away.

“Mom, if you tell me to calm down, I swear, not all of us are going to make it out of this room.”

“ _Enough_ ” Lexa had been quiet for most of the meeting so far, but she must have heard all she needed to for her to step in. 

Under most circumstances, watching Lexa assert herself was arousing and made Clarke proud. But Clarke was tired, and being asked to listen to an omega, even one as strong as Lexa was asking a lot of herself. 

Through gritted teeth, she said, “Lexa I need to you back off.”

“No. We have talked about this for too long. We haven’t gotten anywhere. We will deal with the fate of the _natrona_ (traitor) another time. We have other things to discuss.”

Clarke took a deep breath and put an end to the pheromones she had been releasing. Everyone in the room took a collective sigh of relief. 

“My understanding is that you are not prepared for winter is that correct?”

Kane blanched before he said, “Our stores are increasing, and we have been hunting and salting meat for the winter, but all together, it likely won’t be enough.”

Clarke watched Lexa as she intertwined her fingers on the table before she said, “We can probably work out a deal for food in exchange for something else. I will speak with Indra tonight and we will come up with something.”

“That brings up another topic,” Kane said.

Clarke looked over at Kane as he brought his hands from the table to his lap.

“With the Ice Queen dead, the threat of an assault from the Ice Nation seems less likely.”

“Agreed,” Lexa responded.

“Allowing the army to disband and go back to their families would go a long way to reassuring my people that they weren’t here to attack us.”

“I will keep that under advisement.”

“ _Mochof_ , _Heda_ ”

Lexa made a tight nod.

Kane put his hands on the table and looked as if he was about to stand up.

“Wait,” Lexa called everyone’s attention back.

“There’s something that you need to know. If you couldn’t smell it already, you should know that I am not an alpha. I am an omega.”

Clarke was sure that this would have been explosive in any other clan, but neither Kane nor her mother truly understood the significance of Lexa coming clean about this.

“It is against the law to be both an omega and the Commander. It’s the reason that Nia challenged me in the first place. But I went public. All of the clans now know, including you. Ultimately, when I won the fight, it bought me time, enough to ensure the safety of your clan, but I will have someone to answer to.”

“Forgive me for sounding ignorant, but why is it illegal to become Commander as an omega?” Kane asked.

That was a story even Clarke hadn’t heard. Three pairs of eyes stared intently as Lexa sucked in her bottom lip before she placed her hands flat on the table. 

“Not everything about how our people survived the bombs is entirely understood. But we do know that the first Commander, _Bekka Pramheda_ a powerful alpha, had some _tek_ that made her blood black and allowed her to survive in the toxic air. She shared her knowledge with the people still on the ground, and they built the clans that still exist today.

“When _Bekka_ was dying, she left the Spirit of the Commander to her daughter, Sarah, an omega. Sarah was considered a just commander, one that ensured the legacy of her sire remained intact. In many ways, she is the reason we are all standing here today. Until she was forced to make a terrible decision.”

Lexa stared at her hands for a moment taking several breaths before she continued.

“Not everyone agreed to follow the will of the Commander. The people of the North, who would eventually form what we know as _Azegeda_ , refused to follow her. They claimed that they didn’t need _Bekka’s_ help and they refused to follow Sarah’s law. One day, they kidnaped Emily, one of Sarah’s pups. The only way they would return her daughter was if Sarah allowed them to annex part of her territory that bordered the land of the people of the North. Unwilling to let her pup die, she agreed. But they killed Emily anyway and declared war on the people who would eventually call themselves _Trikru._

“Sarah had other children who could carry on the Spirit. But they were all omegas. When Sarah died, others whom _Bekka_ had made _natblidas_ took the power. Alpha _natblidas_ claimed that it was Sarah’s love for her pups that made her weak. That an alpha would have made the smarter decision. From then on, only _natblidas_ who presented as alphas were considered eligible for command.”

“To blame her decision on her being an omega was shortsighted. Alphas are known to rage at even the prospect of their pups being in danger,” Abby said.

“Whether or not that is true, the alphas saw it as a means of gaining power and they chose to control the narrative. Ironically, they would seal the fate of all alpha _natblidas_ of the future. Today, all alpha _natblidas_ are forced to fight to the death while all omega _natblidas_ are forced to bare the _natblidas_ of the next generation.”

“But didn’t you tell me that the Ascension Council was made up of omega _natblidas_?”

Lexa turned her head to face Clarke, “The omegas might have been banned from ruling themselves, but as it was discovered how rare passing nightblood on, the omegas born with nightblood eventually became revered in their own way. As they enjoyed the proximity to power, they eventually accrued power of their own in the form of the Ascension Council. Today, they have ultimate control over succession. Some on the Council might feel that banning omegas from becoming Commander is unfair, but the prospect of fighting to the death sounds equally as terrible.”

Kane asked, “So how does the Council ensure that it is accurately representing the interests of all clans?” 

“There are thirteen members of the Council, twelve of whom represent the oldest omega _natblidas_ from each clan. The thirteenth member represents the interests of the Commander themselves and is appointed every ten years.”

Kane then followed up with, “Because we don’t have any _natblidas_ as you say, how will we be represented?”

Lexa steepled her fingers before she said, “I was hoping you would come back to Polis with us to represent _Skaikru’s_ interests. They are likely to allow you to vote. With time and exchanges between the clans, it is only a matter of time before some members of _Skaikru_ carry the trait.”

Kane looked to Abby who nodded before he turned back to Lexa, “If it is only for a brief period, I will represent _Skaikru_.”

When Lexa nodded, Clarke could tell she exhausted, and that she needed this meeting to end. 

“Well I think that’s enough talking for one day, we should reconvene tomorrow to discuss everything we didn’t decide the outcome of today.”

Lexa and Kane started to get up, but Abby remained seated. 

“Clarke, I have a few things I still need to discuss with you.”

Kane looked at Lexa and said, “I am not sure that Raven gave you a full tour. How about I do that now.”

That caused alarm bells to go off in Clarke’s head.

“She won’t be safe, not with people still hostile to all grounders out there.”

Kane’s soothing pheromones reached her nostrils as he said, “Don’t worry Clarke, I will have guards trailing us at a distance, nothing will harm our Commander.” Kane put a hand on Lexa’s shoulder and it took everything in Clarke not to pin him to the wall.

“Clarke, I will be fine.” Lexa gave her a small smile before she opened the door and motioned for Kane to go through and lead the way.

Lexa held her gaze before she said, “We will talk later,” and then closed the door behind her.

When it was just her and Abby left in the Council chamber, Abby said,

“I can see how protective you have gotten over her.”

“You know how crazy people can be, I am just trying to keep our pup safe.”

Abby reached out for one of Clarke’s hands, encouraging her to sit back down.

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, I get it.” Abby gave her a knowing smile that made Clarke want to crawl out of her skin.

“Mom, you’re making me uncomfortable.”

“You think that you are the first alpha to be worried about the safety of their omega and pup?”

Clarke turned away to try to hide the blush creeping up her face.

“How’s she doing?”

“Good, better now that she and I are together again.” Clarke flinched after she said that out loud when she realized the implications of her words.

“Does the Council know that she is pregnant?”

“I don’t think so.”

“I’m only asking because I am not so sure that she will be able to hide it for much longer.”

“Are you planning on telling her, or should I? Because I am not prepared to tell the Commander of the thirteen clans that she is showing.”

“Clarke, this is about her safety and the safety of your pup.”

Clarke crossed her arms before she said, “Okay, if I choose to have that conversation with her, it will be on my terms, I don’t need you to get in the way.”

Abby sighed before she nodded, “Okay. How well have you been in Polis?”

“You mean, how have they treated me?”

“Clarke, I just want to know how you are doing.”

Clarke put her hands on her face before bringing them back down. She was so tired, she felt like she was thinking through a haze.

“Polis is great, Mom.”

“Good”

“Is there something else you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Yes, do you think that you could get Lexa to come to the Medical Bay tonight? I want to give her a full exam.”

She wasn’t sure exactly how enthusiastic Lexa would be about that tonight, but if Clarke promised that they would be able to see their pup, maybe she would be curious enough to come.

“I think that could be arranged.”

Abby broke out into a smile, “Good, oh, and one more thing before you go. The Michaelsons are expecting and Jennifer is due any day now. If she goes into labor while you are here, I am going to have you assist me. Obviously, I would be most comfortable being there when Lexa is ready to deliver, but if that isn’t possible, I want to make sure you know what you are doing.”

“Is that all?” Clarke asked facetiously.

Clarke had already gotten up from her chair, eager to find Lexa. But Abby stood up and wrapped her arms around Clarke in a big hug. At first, she was resistant, but eventually, she relaxed into the embrace. 

Her mother whispered, “It’s so good to have you home even if it is just for a little while.”

Clarke breathed out shakily before she broke off the hug.

“It’s good to see you too, Mom.”

###

  
As soon as Abby let her out of her sight, Clarke found Lexa and Kane wrapping up their tour in what had been turned into a bar. Their meeting had taken most of the day. It was only a matter of time before they would be burning Nia’s body. Clarke wanted to go find Bellamy, but when she made eye contact with Monty, she couldn’t help the huge smile that broke out on her face. The beta ran over to her and enveloped her in a huge hug, her fourth hug of the day. After Clarke had made proper introductions between Monty and Lexa, Raven walked over to them. 

“Hey Clarke, long time no see.”

“For the first time in months, that’s not true.”

“What can I say,” Raven patted her on the back, “I missed my favorite alpha.”

Clarke briefly exchanged an apologetic glance with Lexa before she said, 

“Where’s Octavia?”

“Right behind you, Princess,” Octavia called out from behind her. 

Octavia gave her a huge hug before offering her forearm for Lexa to take. Lexa even curved her lips in a slight smile at Octavia’s familiarity with the _Trikru_ custom. Clarke was sure it was a welcome respite for her after being surrounded by the alien nature of the remains of alpha station. 

“So where’s Lincoln?”

“On patrol, he’s even wearing that ugly guard uniform.” Octavia wrinkled her nose in disgust.

“What are you all standing around for, let’s get a table.”

They found an empty high top and Octavia went to the bar to get some of Monty’s moonshine. She brought cups two at a time until she brought over the fifth and handed it to Lexa. Lexa accepted the cup and took a sniff before bringing it back down to the table.

Monty looked a little hurt before he said, “Do you drink, Commander?”

Lexa looked back at Monty and gave her best smile, even if it was tight, “I do, but only spiced meads, this smells a little too strong for my taste.”

Clarke felt the sweat, slick on the back of her neck before Octavia intervened,

“Chill out Monty, not everybody has a taste for it.” Octavia gripped Lexa’s cup and brought it close to hers on the table.

“Besides, more for me.”

Clarke gave Octavia a grateful glance before Octavia gave her a tight nod and an arched eyebrow as if to say, _we are going to talk about this later_. 

Over the intercom, Kane’s voice came through as he said, 

_ “For those of you who would like to participate in laying the Queen’s body to rest, please gather at the pyre towards the front gate _ .”

Octavia stood up from her highchair and said, “Well, I guess it’s time to roast the bitch.” Without waiting for the rest of them to respond, she turned and walked away from the table. 

As Monty was getting down from his highchair, he piped up, “Commander, you’ll have to excuse Octavia, I wish I could say she’s in a bad mood, but that's just who she is.”

Lexa had a faraway look in her eyes before she came back down to earth and stepped off of her highchair. She reached out a forearm before she said,

“It was good to meet you, Monty of the _Skai_ people.”

A big smile broke out on his face, before he gripped her forearm, “You too.”

Clarke waited for Raven to hobble off of her chair before getting off of her own. When it was just the three of them standing next to the high top, Raven said,

“Go, don’t wait up. Besides, I’m pretty sure Kane expects you and your girlfriend up on the stage next to the pyre.”

“Reyes, don’t call her my–”

“–Yeah, yeah, I got it. I’ll see you out there.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and Raven rolled hers right back. Clarke hated to admit it, but even for a brief moment, it was good to be home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we still have two more chapters before the end of this day for Clarke, so even though she's already pooped, she has to hang in there!
> 
> Also, Clarke's alpha at the moment is up to eleven. This is of course in part because she's tired and doesn't have as much self control as she usually does. But she's also with her own people who she knows and feels comfortable bossing around. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you for going on this wild journey with me, please drop some feedback in the comments in you have and thank you for reading.


	20. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Ice bitch gets roasted as Octavia would say, Lexa has a surprising conversation with someone. We end with a certain doctor's appointment so many of you have been looking forward to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when I planned for this chapter, I really didn't expect it to be a long one, but 6,000 words later, here we are. Obstetrics is kind of my jam so I might have gone a little overboard. Regardless, I had a lot of fun writing this one and I hope it pays off for all of you. 
> 
> Also, chapter 20?! How did we get here?
> 
> Thank you for reading!

**Lexa**

**Six Days Until the Hearing**

Standing on the stage with Clarke on her right and Kane on her left, it felt not so dissimilar to the last time she and Clarke lit a pyre to bury the past. Except she wasn’t surrounded by the people of a _Trikru_ village. The people standing in a circle around the stage and the pyre were wearing strange clothes, some speaking English so quickly that she couldn’t understand everything that they were saying. At least she was outside. She tried her best earlier to appear comfortable for Clarke’s sake when inside the metal space house, but she might as well have had a bag over her head she felt so trapped. 

Of course, the biggest change between then and now was the pup growing inside of her, causing her back to ache and her nose to run. At least, she wasn't completely exhausted. She slept sitting on her horse, a valuable lesson that Anya taught her many years ago. Lexa knew she had more energy than Clarke, whom Lexa could tell was on her last nerve. But even Lexa couldn’t wait until this day was over with. 

Confident that all who wanted to bear witness to the burning had shown up, Lexa nodded to Kane to start. He stepped forward before he started. 

“We are gathered here today to begin to end the trauma of what happened at Mount Weather. With the burning of the Ice Queen’s body, we allow ourselves the chance to grieve knowing that the loss of our loved ones did not go unanswered.”

Kane stepped back and received a torch from one of the guards on the ground. When he handed Lexa the torch, she said loudly,

_"In faya, oso breik au de laudnes kom de foutaim. Kriken sonraun en branon. Kom graun, oso na graun op. Kom folau, oso na gyon op."_

She repeated it in English, 

"In fire, we cleanse the pain of the past. Life old and new. From the earth, we will grow, from the ashes, we will rise."

Lexa stepped forward. But as she was about to light the fire, she saw the brown mop of hair that could only belong to Bellamy Blake. Lexa pulled her arm back before she called out to him,

“Bellamy, the honor belongs to you.”

Bellamy was on the outer ring of the crowd. At first, he took a step back as if he was going to refuse. But people parted enough to form a path between him and the stage. Realizing he had no choice, he walked up the to stage. Bellamy held Lexa’s gaze briefly before reaching out for the torch.

Wordlessly, Bellamy lit the white gossamer fabric covering the Queen’s body. Everyone stood there silently, watching her body burn. Eventually, people started walking away. Bellamy stepped behind all of them and hustled down the stage.

“Wait, Bellamy!” Clarke yelled before she ran after him. 

Lexa offered out her forearm to Kane. When he gripped her forearm with his own, he said,

“ _Mochof, Heda_. Hopefully, this will go a long way with our people.”

Lexa nodded before she herself ran down the steps and back into the metal space house. But not after Clarke. Clarke might have grown up on this weird contraption, but according to Kane, much had changed even on the inside. She had spent time with Kane studying the pathways, entrances, and exits of what they called alpha station. While Clarke followed Bellamy through the South entrance, she took the North. In a gregarious mood, Kane explained that the distance to the living quarters towards the middle of the part of the ring on the ground might have been shorter from the South entrance, that was also the way to the bar, and the mess hall where people ate. If she hustled, she could cut Bellamy off from the other side. 

When Lexa raced into the living quarters of alpha station, she saw Bellamy just as he turned right. She made eye contact with Clarke down the hallway, but she didn’t wait up. She took a right and ran down the hallway, where she saw Bellamy taking out some keys to open the door to his living quarters. Lexa was almost there when he opened the door. Before he could close the door, she grabbed it. At this point, Clarke had reached the hallway. But Lexa wasn’t chasing after Bellamy to help Clarke confront him. She had her own reasons to talk to Bellamy. 

Lexa held Clarke’s gaze before yelling, “ _Ai biyo moba_ ” (I am sorry).

Lexa entered Bellamy’s room and locked the door behind her. Bellamy still had his back to her when he said,

“I mean it, Clarke, I don’t want to see you.”

“It’s a good thing I am not Clarke”

Bellamy spun around, with his hands up in a defensive position. 

“I’m not here to fight with you.”

Lexa tried to push out soothing hormones. At first, Bellamy’s nostrils flared, but he relaxed his hands and closed his eyes. But then he realized what Lexa was doing, and she had to take a step back. His dominance pheromones might not have worked on her, but the anger in the room hit her nose like a slap.

“Then what are you here for?”

“To tell you the truth.”

Bellamy closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he spat out,

“The truth about what?”

“The deal I made with the Mountain Men.”

“What makes you think that I care to hear your truth?”

“Because I know that what you did haunts you, just as the decisions that I have made stay with me.”

Bellamy grunted, before taking a seat at his desk. He motioned over to his bed for Lexa to take a seat. Lexa reluctantly sat down on the bed. She rested her hands flat on her lap.

“So what is it that you felt so strongly about telling me that you ran through the station just to sneak into my room?” A cynical smirk appeared on his face before he continued,

“An omega hasn’t done that since,” all of a sudden, his eyes glazed over and he seemed far away. He shook his head before his eyes returned to focus on Lexa’s.

“Say what you need to say and let’s get on with it.”

“When that slippery man, Emerson, approached me unarmed, promising me a way to save all of my people, without any more death, I didn’t believe him. But then he put a radio in my face with Cage’s voice coming through. He told me that he had missiles trained on Polis and Arkadia. And he had multiple shooters trained on Clarke. He called it a deal, but he was holding all of our people hostage. It wasn’t a choice.”

Bellamy leaned back in his chair and didn’t say anything for a long time. Eventually, he leaned forward in his seat again, resting his elbows on his knees.

“Even if I wanted to believe you, your story is awfully convenient. Somehow you end up coming out clean in all of this.”

The image of Clarke, disheveled and destroyed, bile spewing from her mouth as she did everything she could to discharge the pain and discomfort that Lexa’s actions caused her. 

“I’m pretty sure you know that none of us came out clean from Mount Weather.”

Bellamy looked away for a moment before he looked Lexa directly in the eyes.

“Do you regret it?”

“I regret the loss of all of those innocent lives, I regret the pain that it caused Clarke. She will live with those ghosts for the rest of her life.”

“She’s not the only one. But you didn’t answer my question. Do you regret it?”

“No”

They both sat with her answer in silence.

“Do you?”

Bellamy sat back in his seat, “Do I regret pulling the lever you mean?”

Lexa nodded

Bellamy covered his face with a hand as he sighed. When he brought his hand down, he looked at her and said,

“You put us in an incredibly difficult position, you didn’t just force us to murder innocent pups, you forced us to betray all of the people who helped us. People who ultimately forced Cage’s hand to make a deal with you in the first place.”

“And yet,”

“If I were to do it all over again, I would make the same decision.”

Lexa nodded before she said, “I want you to know that I am so, so sorry about what happened to your mate. I know that Nia’s death must mean so little compared to the loss you have suffered, but as a person who has lost someone very special at her hands, I hope you can have some comfort knowing that she can never take loved ones from anyone ever again.”

Bellamy had that same faraway look in his eyes. When they came back into focus, he trained his gaze once again on hers. 

“Do you love her?”

_Skrish._ In Lexa’s attempt to garner comradery, and intimacy with a person key to strengthening her relationship with _Skaikru,_ she may have overplayed her hand. 

“You know exactly who I am talking about.”

Lexa looked down at her hands before looking back up at Bellamy.

“Yes”

A smirk crept up on Bellamy’s face, “She has a frustrating ability to bring out people’s affection and loyalty.”

Lexa clicked her teeth before saying, “Yeah, now you tell me.”

A loud knock at the door brought them back. Lexa stood up before saying, “I think we both know who that is.”

As Lexa walked around the bed, Bellamy was giving her an unsettling glare.

“I should go before Clarke breaks through your door.”

Before Lexa could turn back toward the door, she watched as Bellamy got out of the chair and on to his knees. She tried her best to keep her jaw off of the floor when Bellamy not only kneeled in front of her but turned his head to the side in submission. 

Lexa stared at him. In her five years serving as _Heda_ , plenty of people had gotten on their knees and fully submitted to her. But that was when they all thought that she was an alpha and capable of forcible domination. Since she outed herself as an omega, no one, aside from Clarke bowed to her. Wordlessly, she reached out for his arm and helped him get to a standing position. She offered her forearm which he took with his own. 

When they released each other, Lexa whispered, “I have to go to her.”

Bellamy nodded, and she turned towards the door. She didn’t say anything else as she closed the door with a soft click. As she made eyes with Clarke, now sitting with her back against the opposite wall of the hallway, Lexa decided what she was going to do about Bellamy. 

###

After about fifteen minutes of apologizing and soothing, Lexa talked Clarke down from killing Bellamy right then and there. Even if Lexa volunteered to go into Bellamy’s room on her own, Clarke’s sleep-deprived brain went from wanting to comfort Bellamy only an hour before to wanting his submission after spending so much time with her omega. But with some reassurances and some food in the mess, Clarke was able to come back to herself. 

They ate dinner with Raven and Octavia. Monty had planned on meeting them, but something happened to Jasper, one of Clarke’s friends that Lexa hadn’t met, that pulled him away. Some of their jokes went over her head or referenced _tek_ that Lexa didn’t understand, but seeing Clarke laugh and relax with her friends still brought a rare smile out of Lexa. It even helped her forget all of the stares directed at her from people sitting at other tables. 

After dinner, when she thought they were going to go back to the _Trikru_ camp, Clarke took her in a different direction within the metal space house.

“I have a surprise for you.”

Lexa raised her eyebrows, “Clarke, what are you up to?”

“What if I told you, we could see our pup right now.”

Reflexively, Lexa placed her hands on her lower belly and whispered “No. No, the pup is not nearly ready for that.”

A smile broke out on to Clarke’s face, “I don’t mean that you are going to have the pup now, but we will be able to see them on a screen.”

Lexa furrowed her eyebrows, tempted to shake her head. _This didn’t make any sense._ But Lexa looked at the metal walls that she was standing in. It also didn’t make any sense that this box floated in space. Yet she knew that at one time, it did. After seeing all of the marvels that this strange place had to offer, she nodded before Clarke turned around and lead her to a place that she called the Medical Bay. 

The Medical Bay was a relatively large space. Bright lights beamed throughout the room giving everything an unnatural glow. Beds were lining the walls, each with a shiny metal pole attached to it. Some of the poles had bags of fluid attached to them with tubing that appeared to be connected to patients lying on the beds. Noises blared out of machines that Lexa could not begin to understand. She was sure all of these things saved lives, but the space felt dispassionate and eerie nonetheless. 

Clarke waved Abby over to where they were standing. It was strange how uncomfortable Abby could be around a negotiating table, yet watching her here, interacting with patients, discussing medications with her staff, she looked like she was home. 

Abby was beaming when she walked over to her and Clarke. In hushed tones, Clarke said,

“I was hoping that you could give _Heda_ a tour of your Med Bay.”

Abby’s eyes sparked as she responded, “Of course, let’s start with the exam rooms.”

Abby walked them to the back of the main room and took a left. This led to a hallway with several doors. Abby opened the third door and motioned for them to enter before going in and closing the door herself. 

The small room was almost entirely white. When Lexa scanned the room, all she saw was white walls, white cabinets, and white countertops. The three things that weren’t white were the red chair next to the cabinets, a strange black stool with wheels on the bottom of it, and a peculiar table in the middle of the room. The table had a robin egg blue cushion on the top and there was a roll of paper covering the surface of it. 

When Clarke sat in the chair, Lexa took off her armor and jacket and handed them to her. Clarke smiled encouragingly before placing the clothes on her lap. Abby motioned for Lexa to sit on the table and pulled out a step from one of the drawers on the front of the table. She used the step to rest her feet on and placed her hands flat on her lap.

“Now I know you both came here to see the pup. But as soon as I do that, any words that come out of my mouth will go in one ear and out the other. So I am going to have to ask you a few questions first, do a quick exam, and take a few samples before we can see your pup on the screen, okay?”

Lexa bristled, “What kind of samples?”

Abby’s expression softened before she said, “I will need to take a few swabs of your cervix, it’s just standard protocol. Clarke will be here the whole time, but I just need to make sure that you are completely healthy. Remember, healthy mom, healthy pup, okay?”

Lexa didn’t know what a cervix was, but if it was to make sure her pup was healthy, she knew she had to do it.

“I also need to take a blood sample.”

“No”

Clarke reached out for her hand, “Lexa, my mom just needs to run a few tests to make sure you are healthy.”

Lexa could sense Clarke’s soothing pheromones mixed with just a little bit of dominance pheromones. Lexa closed her eyes. As much as she was skeptical about many of the Order’s teachings, she was raised to view nightblood as sacred. She doubted that either Clarke or Abby would forcibly make her submit to having her blood taken. But the fact that Clarke was willing to massage her into doing it, meant that it had to be important. Lexa sighed before opening her eyes and nodding.

Abby pulled out a piece of paper and something to write with from one of the cabinets before she sat back down and asked Lexa a series of questions. Some sounded familiar, like those of one of the _fisas_ in the Tower. Questions like, had she ever been sick before? Did she ever have a reaction to any medication? Did she take any medications or herbs regularly? If anything, the familiar questions made her feel more comfortable. 

Then Abby started asking questions she said made up “social history”, whatever that meant. All of which was fine, the occupation question made her giggle. But then Abby moved on questions about her sexual history. 

“I want you to know that we ask all patients these questions, regardless of whether or not a patient is pregnant. If you want, I can have Clarke step outside while we talk about these things. And what we talk about here is strictly between us.”

“She can stay.”

“How many sexual partners have you had within the last year?”

Lexa couldn’t help but shift her gaze over to Clarke, “One.”

“In your lifetime, how many partners have knotted you?”

“Oh my god, Mom!”

“Clarke, if you aren’t comfortable with these questions, you need to leave.”

Clarke looked away and crossed her arms.

Lexa smirked before she answered, “Just one.”

“Did you ever use any form of a physical barrier when you had sex?”

Lexa looked down at her belly, “Obviously not.”

Abby put down her piece of paper before she put her hands on her lap.

“Okay, before we get those samples, I’m going to have you lay back on the bed while I ask you a couple of questions about your pregnancy.”

_So many questions._ Lexa nodded before she tried to lean back on the bed. Abby put her hand on Lexa’s shoulder easing her back before she pulled out the leg rest. Lexa put her right arm under her head as Abby slowly pulled up her shirt and examined her belly. 

“Is this your first pregnancy?”

“Yes.”

“How have you been feeling?”

Lexa flinched at Abby’s cold hands touching her skin. 

“Pretty good. Definitely better than the first few months.”

Abby started feeling around her stomach pressing down. 

“Were you able to hold any food down?”

“Not at first, but eventually it got better. Now I’m always hungry.”

“That’s pretty typical.”

“Any spotting?”

“Spotting?”

“Have you noticed any blood in your undergarments?”

“Oh, uh not that I’ve noticed.”

“I just want to let you know that it is common to notice a little bit of bleeding after sex and that’s normal. If you feel any cramping or you notice a significant amount of bleeding, that could be cause for concern. You need to see either a doctor in Polis or find a way to get here so I can take a look if that happens.”

Lexa nodded soberly.

“The second trimester is often when people feel their best during pregnancy. You don’t have morning sickness, and you are still able to move around easily. People often report having a higher sex drive during this time and that’s completely normal.”

“Oh my god, Mom!”  
  


Abby looked over at her daughter and said in the most neutral tone, “You already got her pregnant Clarke, it’s a little late for your modesty.”

When Clarke looked like she was about to respond, Abby ignored her daughter, and instead tucked the leg rest away and offered Lexa a hand up.

“I am going to take some blood as I finish up my questions, and then I am going to step outside while you take your pants off.”

As Abby was pulling out materials, she handed Lexa what she thought looked like a blanket, but it was made out of paper. 

“When I step out, I will have you place that over your lower body for privacy.”

Lexa kept it in her lap, while Abby tied something tight around her upper arm and asked her to make a fist. Of course, Abby wasn’t done with her questions.

“Have you had any other symptoms, anything that concerns you?”

Lexa took in a sharp breath as Abby stuck a needle in her arm.

“Well, I don’t know if this counts, but my nose is always stuffy.”

“Like many things in pregnancy, that’s pretty normal.”

When she heard Abby gasp, Clarke stood up, putting all of Lexa’s gear on the chair and walked over to the table.

“And I can tell you that for Lexa, that’s pretty normal.”

Abby’s eyes were still the size of saucers when Clarke continued,

“When we were talking about nightblood, what did you think we meant?”

“I don’t know, but it never occurred to me that her blood would literally be black.”

Abby composed herself before she put her gloved hand on Lexa’s arm,

“I apologize for my reaction, that was inappropriate.”

Lexa shrugged it off, too tired to assuage the doctor’s embarrassment. Lexa didn’t watch her inky blood fill the vial, but she saw Abby place it back on the counter.

“I will run this myself.”

Abby took off her gloves and threw them away before scooping up the vial and walking to the door. She turned around and said,

“We can finish discussing any questions you have in a couple of minutes.”

Lexa nodded before saying, “Thank you, Abby”

As soon as the door closed, Lexa stood up. Just as quickly, Lexa felt Clarke’s arms wrapping around her. They embraced and Lexa felt Clarke sucking at one of her scent glands. She couldn’t help the moan that escaped from her mouth. When Clarke released it with a satisfying pop, she kissed the shell of Lexa’s ear before whispering,

“Lex, you are doing so well.”

Lexa broke off the hug and began untying her leather pants. When she was naked from the waist down, she perched awkwardly on the edge of the table and placed the paper blanket over her sex.

Lexa would prefer not to remember what happened when Abby came back into the room. It involved putting her feet into stirrups and Abby telling her to scoot so closely to the edge of the table that she “felt like her butt was going to fall off”. But that wasn’t even the worst part. In between finding out that the sharp groin pains she felt when she sneezed was a strange yet completely normal thing Lexa had never heard of called “round ligament pain” and yes it would only go away after she had the pup, Abby, with some notice, inserted a death contraption inside of her that she called a speculum.

Lexa had been through a Conclave, survived the fourth _Azegeda/Trigeda_ war, and _solo gonplei,_ but the click-clack noise that the speculum made when Abby had to expand it further would be a sound she would take to her death pyre. She tried to stay calm, but she found herself gripping the sides of the blue cushion until her knuckles were white. It wasn’t until she could sense Clarke’s soothing pheromones that she remembered to breathe. 

Thankfully, that torture didn’t last very long. As Abby was finishing up, Lexa had been meaning to ask her a question. 

“Abby, I wanted to ask you something.”

“Of course.”

“Is it weird that the skin covering my stomach is always itchy?”

Abby stood up to dispose of the dirty instrument, and eased Lexa out of the stirrups, bringing her back to a sitting position. 

“Let me take another quick look.”

Lexa pulled up her shirt revealing her belly. 

“Ah, the itchiness is probably due to the stretch marks which should fade after you have the pup. As for the itchiness, your skin is probably dry.”

Abby went over to the counter and pulled out a bottle containing a white substance. But instead of handing it to her, she dropped the bottle into Clarke’s hands.

“Before you both go to sleep, have Clarke apply a thin layer to your skin. Make a ritual out of it.”

“I don’t know how to tell you this, Mom, but we don’t share a room in Polis or a tent.”

Without skipping a beat, Abby replied, “You aren’t fooling anyone, Clarke.”

When Clarke’s face turned bright red, Lexa just looked at Abby and they both laughed, causing Clarke to blush an even deeper red.

Still standing, Abby put her hand on Lexa’s shoulder.

“I am going to step out to take these samples to the lab and to give you a chance to put your pants back on. And then I’ll bring the ultrasound machine in and we will get the chance to see your pup.”

As soon as Abby left the room Clarke put the bottle on the counter and crossed her arms.

“She drives me crazy.”

Lexa smirked before she said, “You make it so easy for her.”

Lexa stood up and pulled her leather pants back on. She walked over to Clarke, who was still sitting, and placed her hands on Clarke’s shoulders. Lexa brought their foreheads together and she whispered,

“I know you’re tired, but I need you inside of me tonight. So take a deep breath, show a little patience with your mother, and I will let you take care of me later.”

She could smell the arousal in the air and watched as the blue of Clarke’s irises became a thing of the past as her pupils blew. Clarke, shaking with desire, grunted out an answer,

“Okay”

Lexa pulled away before Clarke’s pheromones pulled her in too deep. She decided to sit back down on the table.

Abby returned to the room, this time with a large machine on wheels. This machine had a panel with many buttons and a large screen at the top. Along the sides of the machine were these wand-like instruments, all attached to cords that fed back into the machine. When Abby wheeled the machine into the room, she closed the door before turning back to Lexa.

“Lexa, this is what we call an ultrasound machine. It measures how sound bounces off of things underneath your skin and uses that information to construct a picture.”

Abby wheeled the machine to the right side of the table before adjusting the head of the table to about 60º.

Abby turned her attention toward her daughter, “Clarke I want you to walk over to the left side of the table so you can see the screen.”

As Clarke was stood up and neatly placed Lexa’s armor on the chair, Abby turned back to Lexa,

“Before we get started, I just have to ask you one more thing. I know this is your first pregnancy, but problems that occur during pregnancy or specifically delivery, run in families. Do you know if anyone, particularly your mother or your father’s mother, suffered any complications during pregnancy?”

Lexa turned away, unable to look at Abby directly. She felt Clarke reach for her left hand. When she turned back towards Abby she said as calmly as she could muster,

“My mother died giving birth to me, does that count as a complication?”

Abby reached for Lexa’s right shoulder before she said, “I’m so sorry to hear that, I had no idea.”

“How could you have known?”

“Forgive me, but do you know why she died?”

“No, all I know is that they couldn’t stop the bleeding.”

“In that case, I am going to ask that when you get closer to your due date, I would like you to stay here so I can monitor you closely.”

“I don’t know if I can agree to that, Abby.”

“Well, I have several months to convince you otherwise.”

Lexa doubted that she would be convinced, but she respected Abby’s willingness to try.

“Without further ado, let’s take a look at your pup, shall we?”

Abby turned around and reached into the cabinet for a bottle of bluish liquid and a hand towel. When Abby faced the table, she said,

“Now Lexa, I am going to have you lean back into the table and pull up your shirt.”

Abby pulled out the leg rest as Lexa leaned back. Abby then tucked the towel into the top of Lexa’s pants.

“This is to make sure that your pants remain clean once I place the gel on your skin.”

Lexa nodded.

“Now I’m going to put some gel on your skin, it will be cold. Then I am going to put this transducer,” Abby reached for one of the wands, this one with a wide, flat head, “on your skin.”

Lexa nodded again, giving her permission to get started.

As soon as Abby squirted the gel on her skin, Lexa felt goosebumps form on her belly. With Clarke still holding her hand, she felt Clarke move it to her lips and kiss the back of it.

Abby placed the transducer a couple of centimeters below her belly button and began using it to wade through the gel on her skin. But as soon as images showed up on the screen, Lexa forgot all about the wand and the gel and the towel tucked awkwardly into her pants. She couldn’t make out what she was supposed to see on the screen yet. But knowing that _Skaikru_ could see what was inside her body without having to cut her open was amazing. It reinforced her belief that offering _Skaikru_ a place in her Coalition was vital for the survival of her people. All of her people.

But then Abby shifted the angle of the transducer, and Lexa gasped. 

Abby used the hand that wasn’t holding the transducer to point to the head on the screen.

“There’s your pup’s profile. You can see its nose. At this point, it’s not entirely clear, but I think we might be looking at a Griffin nose.” 

Abby turned back to look over at Clarke and beamed. 

Lexa was pretty sure she saw a tear going down Abby’s cheek, but Abby turned back to the screen before Lexa could be certain. 

“So we can see that there’s one pup, pretty typical of an omega’s first pregnancy.”

Abby moved the transducer a little, until the focus wasn’t on the pup, but on tissue that Lexa didn’t recognize.

“This is the placenta, the organ that gives your pup nutrients and gets rid of its waste. Where it is attached to your uterus or womb, is important and yours is placed right where we want it to be.”

Abby pressed a button, and moved the transducer again, this time, a loud whooshing noise came out of the machine, startling Lexa. But then, she felt Clarke’s soothing pheromones wash over her,  
  


“You’re okay, that’s the pup’s heartbeat, right Mom?”

“That’s right, your pup is strong, do you see that?”

Abby pointed to the screen where a fluttering in the pup’s chest was going a mile a minute.

Then the pup’s heart wasn’t visible on the screen.

Clarke spoke up, “What’s wrong, where’s the pup’s heart?”

Abby smiled, “Everything’s fine, the pup is just moving around. It will continue to do so throughout your pregnancy.”

Something else showed up just above the pup’s chest.

“What is that?”

“That right there is the pup’s left hand. Think of it as your pup waving to you, like it’s showing off.” That brought a smile to Lexa’s lips. Almost like a glimmer of its personality.

“Have you felt the pup moving yet?”

“No, is that bad?”

Abby put her hand on Lexa’s shoulder.

“Not at all, first-time pregnancies tend to take longer for pup’s movements to be felt. You should start feeling your pup’s movements within the next few weeks.”

A load of tension Lexa didn’t know she was feeling began to unwind itself in her neck.

Abby started going through all of the pup’s organs, making sure that everything was where it was supposed to be. Lexa never felt her heart so full. The moment she saw the baby’s head, she realized that she had never truly loved anything nearly as much as the pup growing inside of her. Or the woman who sired it. Sometime between Abby looking at the pup’s brain and finding its liver, Clarke started purring.

As Abby moved the transducer farther down Lexa’s belly, she paused.

“At this stage in the pregnancy, I might be able to see the sex of the pup. Is that something you both would be interested in?”

The magic of this machine held no bounds. The prospect of knowing whether they were going to have a son or daughter so early was something that Lexa had not been prepared for. Still, finding that out would make the concept of the pup feel that much more real to her.

“I would like that very much, Clarke, how about you?”

Clarke broke off her purrs to stare into Lexa’s eyes. The look of unconditional love on her face made Lexa fall in love with her all over again. Lexa would give all of herself to keep this pup and its sire safe. Clarke brought their intertwined hands back up to her lips before she looked at Abby,

“I am good with whatever Lexa wants.”

  
A voice in the back of Lexa’s head said, _well that’s a first._ But Lexa kept that thought to herself, unwilling to kill the mood. 

Abby smiled before she said, “Okay, let’s take a look. Now keep in mind that the pup’s legs might get in the way, or the pup could get shy on us and we might not be able to see for sure. But that doesn’t mean anything is wrong.” 

Abby squirted more gel, this time closer to the towel. 

Lexa marveled at the images of her pup as Abby traveled the transducer down her skin. When Abby got to the pup’s pelvis, she paused. Lexa patiently watched as Abby made minor adjustments to the angle of the transducer. Until Abby stopped moving it. 

Lexa was pretty sure she could hear Abby sniffling when she used her pointer finger to direct their attention to the screen.

“Do you both see that,” Abby was pointing to something sticking out between their pup’s legs.

“You are having a boy.”

Lexa used her right hand to wipe tears out of her eyes. She couldn’t help the pride and love she felt toward their son. She looked at Clarke, who had covered her mouth with her left hand.

“ _Oso don a nomfa, ai hodnes.”_ (We have a son, my love)

Clarke nodded. Lexa had never called her that before. But nothing fell closer to the truth.

The rest of the examination was less theatrical. After a couple of measurements that Abby marked down on another piece of paper, she wiped down Lexa’s belly with the towel that was tucked underneath her pants before using it wipe down the transducer. Lexa pulled her shirt back down before Abby helped her sit up and put away the leg rest before Abby said,

“I am going to wheel this away and put it in storage to give both of you some privacy. But first,” Abby pressed a button on the ultrasound machine. And to Lexa’s undying amazement at this machine’s capabilities, she watched with astonishment as it spit out several glossy images. Each image captured a moment in time and a different angle of their son. Abby ripped off the edge of the last photo from where it was coming out of the machine and handed Lexa the photos.

“I thought you’d want a copy of these.”

Lexa touched the photos like they were sacred before she looked up at Abby.

“Thank you so much, Abby, I will never forget this.”

Abby tried to brush it off, “It’s just the standard prenatal care.”

“Besides, anything for my grandpup.” Abby beamed.

As soon as Abby left the room, Clarke moved from the side of the table to the front, before putting the footrest under the table. Clarke put her hips in between Lexa’s now dangling legs. Lexa felt Clarke’s hands travel under her shirt, as she placed her hands on either side of Lexa’s belly. Clarke leaned forward so that their noses and foreheads were touching before she said,

“I am so in love with you and our son, you both are the future I never dreamed I would be worthy of. But I hope to earn you both every day for the rest of our lives.”

Lexa closed her eyes, hoping and praying that this wasn’t a dream, that this was the truth and that it would last. As much as she tried to steel herself for the possibility that this was just a passing moment in time, that the rug could be pulled out from under them, she could not deny how right it felt to have Clarke’s hands on her body. How good it felt to have the product of their love in between them. For the first time since Costia, Lexa let all of her walls down and gave into the undying love she had for the woman in front of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love making Clarke uncomfortable, especially in front of her mom. Also, I know this was in the beginning of the chapter, but I really enjoyed writing Bellamy and Lexa in a conversation even without Clarke in between them. 
> 
> Not that I anticipate this kind of feedback but I just want to mention that I am intentionally trying to make Lexa’s pregnancy as realistic as possible. The reason being simply that the amount of changes that a body goes through when pregnant is astounding. It’s nuts really. All of which is to say that I have no doubt that Lexa would be a very graceful and elegant pregnant person. But that doesn’t mean that her nose wouldn’t be runny. Anyways I apologize for the ramble I just wanted to get that off of my chest. 
> 
> As always, thank you guys for reading and let me know what y'all think in the comments.


	21. Sweet Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa return to the Trikru camp, someone gives someone else a bath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not too much plot in this one. This is really just a chapter designed for our two heroines to solely enjoy one another's company. Also there's some smut in this one just as a heads up. 
> 
> As always guys thanks for reading!

**Clarke**

**Six Days Until the Hearing**

Abby had printed off six photos for them. Six perfect images of their son. _Their son_. Clarke couldn’t get enough of saying that to herself. Before they left the exam room, Clarke found the perforations dividing images three and four and pulled them apart. She let Lexa pick which set of three she wanted to keep, and Clarke took the other three. Clarke couldn’t get enough of gazing at the beautiful pup in the photos. Until she felt a hand around her arm. Clarke looked up to see Lexa, now standing and back in her armor with the photos packed away where Clarke couldn’t see.

“I know it’s hard, but you have to put the photos away where people can’t easily find them.”

Clarke nodded knowing that Lexa was right. Still, it felt almost impossible folding them up to hide them away. She decided that the best place for them was a pocket that zipped open only from the inside of her jacket. Of course, when she closed the jacket, she could feel the photos laying above her heart. Clarke felt like they were burning a hole in her chest the whole way back to the _Trikru_ camp. 

As soon as they both got off of their horses, one of Indra’s _gonas_ took them to be watered and fed. Ezra ran over to them and immediately pulled Lexa into a hug. He put both hands on her face and asked, 

“ _Don emo laksen yiu?_ ” (Did they hurt you?)

But Lexa grabbed his hands, pulling them down before she said,

“ _Ai laik ku_ ” (I’m fine).

With Clarke still in earshot, she heard Lexa whisper, “You need to stop fussing over me in front of my warriors.”

Clarke couldn’t help the smirk that appeared on her lips. She knew that Ezra would make an amazing uncle and an excellent role model for their son. She wondered if or when Lexa would share the news with him. But Ezra brought her attention out of her musings.

“ _Wanheda_ , allow me to show you to your tent.”

If that wasn’t a reminder for Clarke to keep up appearances, she didn’t know what was. She looked back over her shoulder as Lexa had already begun shouting out orders for someone to bring Indra over to her tent. Somehow Clarke realized that Lexa’s night was just beginning.

The walk over to Clarke’s tent wasn’t far, but it was enough of a walk that Ezra had taken her far enough that they could talk freely and away from the maelstrom of orders that Lexa had fired off. 

He whispered in her ear, “Give her an hour or two to discuss strategies with Indra. My shift to guard her tent begins two hours from now. Then you can slip inside.” 

He turned around before she could respond. Without anything else to do but to go inside, she pushed the entrance flap open. It was the same tent that Lexa had given her the last time she had a tent in a _Trikru_ camp, or it appeared to be at least. 

Before Clarke had left the Med bay, her mother had given her a bag with some of her old clothes. Abby gave them to her only if Clarke would promise to visit what was left of their old quarters before she left for Polis. Clarke didn’t want to do it. She knew they were lucky that their old quarters made it down to Earth, but all that remained in that place for Clarke were ghosts of a life past. All of that being said, she missed sleeping in her basketball shorts, even if it was getting colder. 

Clarke placed the clothes on one of the chairs at her small private dining table. Too tired to change, Clarke collapsed on to her bed. She figured she could take a quick nap if only to close her eyes for a couple of minutes. She knew she would have to rally for Lexa later. A smirk crossed Clarke’s lips thinking about what Lexa had said to her when her mother had left the exam room. That was her last thought before she soon fell into a deep sleep.

###

In her haze between dreaming and wakefulness, she realized that all of her dreams were about Lincoln. Lincoln’s arms, Lincoln’s abs, a certain appendage. She wasn’t sure exactly when Lincoln’s rut was due, but something told her that it started sometime between dinner and when Clarke had fallen asleep. If this was what it was like for Octavia when Clarke shared Lexa’s heat for five days, she would have to apologize to Octavia next time she saw her, at least if she saw her before they left for Polis. Being blood bound sucked sometimes.

When Clarke truly woke up, she wasn’t sure how much time had passed but it felt longer than two hours. Panicked, Clarke packed the bottle of moisturizer into her jacket before grabbing her basketball shorts and an oversized t-shirt and rolling them up under her armpit. Then she jogged out of the tent. There were still enough people moving around outside that she couldn’t have slept for too long. There was a chance that Lexa was still awake.

When she was nearing Lexa’s tent, she slowed down, hoping not to draw too much attention to herself. As she got close enough to see who was guarding Lexa’s tent, she smiled. Ezra, looking his most dignified was standing at the right side of the entrance. On the left was a beta male who was of similar height as Ezra but arguably twice as broad in the shoulders. When Clarke made eyes with Ezra, he looked over at his fellow guard and said something that Clarke couldn’t quite catch. The guard deviated from his post going toward the direction that Ezra pointed to while Ezra moved directly in front of the tent’s entrance.

Clarke took that as her invitation to go in. When she got within a couple of strides of the entrance, Ezra smirked and stood aside. It was amazing how far they had come. A couple of months ago, he never would have assumed that it was okay for Clarke to interrupt whatever his sister might have been doing. As she opened the tent entrance, she felt a slap on her ass that would have made her growl except for Ezra’s mischievous grin. He was too handsome for her to say anything else, except to roll her eyes and walk into the tent. 

Of course, Lexa had been able to see the entire interaction. As Clarke walked further inside the tent, Lexa flashed a grin that could only be described as the mirror image of the one she just saw on Ezra’s face. Their resemblance made Clarke wonder what their son would look like. _Son, there’s that word again._ Like her, Lexa was still in her clothes she had been wearing the entire day, but unlike Clarke, it was quite clear that Lexa had been working for the past few hours. On her large table that she used for troop movements and strategy, there were maps of the surrounding territory, but there were no troops on them. Instead, there were areas marked out for farming. 

On any other day, when Clarke wasn’t quite as horny or as tired, she would have been fascinated with the plans Lexa had been making. But they had had a long day, and seeing Lexa still wearing all of her armor made her even more exhausted. Lexa had already turned her attention back to her work, unwilling to stop what she was doing. But Clarke wasn’t having it. Clarke put her rolled-up pajamas on the strategy table before standing behind Lexa and putting her hands on the omega’s waist. 

Lexa took a deep breath and leaned into Clarke’s chest. Clarke could feel before she heard Lexa humming before she turned her head to the side. Clarke kissed Lexa’s temple and she smiled. Clarke could tell that Lexa was tired. She whispered into Lexa’s ear,

“It’s time to get ready for bed, that stuff can wait until the morning.”

Clarke was prepared for some resistance, but Lexa just nodded before Clarke broke off their contact.

“I’m going to go ask for someone to prepare water for a bath.”

But as she was making her way to the tent flap, Lexa called to her,

“Wait, Clarke, you’re not supposed to be here, let me ask for the water.”

Clarke turned back to face Lexa before she nodded, knowing Lexa was right. Lexa walked over to her and reached for her hand and kissed it before walking to the entrance herself. Clarke could hear Ezra’s voice as he barked orders to someone unseen from inside the tent. When Lexa headed back into the tent, she said,

“Attendants are going to come in here with buckets of water to fill the water basin in my private living space within the tent. I need you to hide when they come inside.”

Clarke nodded just as they both heard someone from outside the tent yell, 

“ _Heda_ ”

Lexa motioned for Clarke to hide, and Clarke didn’t know where else to go besides hiding behind the throne. As soon as she was crouched down, Lexa gave the order for the attendants to come inside. 

It turned out, it took a bunch of individual pails of water to fill up a water basin. Five attendants poured piping hot water into that bath, each making three trips. After the tub was filled, they all bowed before leaving. Lexa turned her attention in Clarke’s direction.

“It’s safe to come out Clarke.”

Clarke walked over to where Lexa was standing. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke’s shoulders as Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist. They pressed their foreheads against one another. Clarke could have stayed like this for hours, unencumbered by those competing for Lexa’s attention or the fear of being seen together. But the bath was hot, and Clarke longed to see her omega naked. Forty-eight hours was much too long for her to have to wait. Clarke kissed Lexa lightly on the mouth before saying, 

“Come on, let me give you a bath.”

Lexa nodded before Clarke took her hand and walked them back to her living quarters. There was a wooden step leading into the bath. Towels were on the step next to glass vials of what Clarke was sure was soap of some kind. There was steam coming off the surface of the water. When they both were standing next to the tub, Clarke could feel her arousal bubble up. Her pants began to feel tight with the stretch of her clit expanding in preparation for her omega getting undressed.

Clarke pulled Lexa in close before she whispered,

“Let me undress you.”

Lexa nodded and extended her arms, making it easier for Clarke to untie everything. Layer by layer, Clarke unbuckled, untied and unzipped leather, armor, and jackets. Once she pulled Lexa’s shirt over her head, Lexa stood there in her chest wrap and undershorts. The cooler fall air made goosebumps appear all over Lexa’s skin. When Clarke reached for Lexa’s chest wrap, Lexa wrapped her hands around Clarke’s wrists.

“Let me see you now.”

Reluctantly, Clarke placed her hands by her sides. She felt stiff, letting Lexa take control. It’s not like they were doing something explicitly sexual. But the act of disrobing this way made it feel like there was nowhere for her to run. Lexa peeled off all of the clothes she had worn for the past two days. They both stared at each other, Lexa in her chest wrap and undershorts, Clarke in her bra and boxers.

Clarke was too nervous to look down at herself, but she was sure that her erection was on full display through her shorts. She would have blushed, if not for the look that Lexa was giving the bulge in her pants. Lexa’s pupils were blown, her nostrils flared, surely taking in Clarke’s arousal that surrounded them.

Lexa raised her hands but hesitated as if she wasn’t sure she was allowed. Clarke reached for Lexa’s hands and guided them towards her waistband. Clarke whispered,

“Do you remember the last time you touched my boxers?”

Lexa gulped before responding, “Uh-huh”.

In a brief moment of clarity, Lexa said, “I did more than touch them, I wore them for all of a few hours before my heat hit.”

“You looked so good in them, I felt so caught between admiring you in them and wanting to rip them off.”

“How about you let me rip them off of you?”

And with that, they both tore through each other’s remaining clothes until they stood facing each other, naked and exposed. It was strange, Clarke remembered being so attracted to Lexa that morning, watching Lexa strut around that campfire wearing nothing but a chest wrap and her boxers. If someone told her back then that there would be a time in the future when she would be even more attracted to Lexa, she might have laughed in that person’s face.

But standing naked in front of her was her pregnant warrior goddess, mother of her son, and unfathomably beautiful. The candles lit all around them gave her tanned skin a luminous sheen. Her legs, endless and toned gave way to her glorious hips, only further accentuated by the hormones of pregnancy. Her amazingly toned abs might not have been visible anymore, but the swell of her stomach only reminded Clarke of the love they shared all those months ago. Of how good it made Clarke feel when they were together. She knew Lexa was self-conscious of the stretch marks on her skin, but if Clarke had it her way, she would kiss each and every one of them. Clarke’s eyes traveled up to Lexa’s breasts, which had grown considerably in the past couple of months. Her nipples were already straining without any tactile stimulation. Clarke wanted to kiss and lick every inch of Lexa’s skin, including the scent glands on either side of her neck. Clarke felt the tips of her fangs with her tongue just thinking about biting down and claiming the woman in front of her as her own.

But nothing really compared with how devastatingly beautiful Lexa’s face was to Clarke. Clarke couldn’t put her finger on what it was that drove her crazy. But something about the way her high cheekbones met her full lips kept Clarke from thinking of anything else. Until she gazed into those grey-green eyes. Lexa’s eyes made her want to melt. She could have spent days starring into them and still feel as lost in them as the day they met. She hoped she would never have to live another day without being able to lovingly gaze at those malachite eyes.

Knowing that if they started touching each other now, they might never make it into the tub, Clarke closed her eyes for a brief moment and tried to take a deep breath. While her mind was fractionally clearer, Clarke opened her eyes before she reached out a hand. Lexa took the hand that she was given and followed Clarke into the hot water.

Clarke put her back against the tub and motioned a place on her chest for Lexa to lay against. As soon as Lexa rested her back against Clarke’s front, Clarke could feel her dick straining against Lexa’s backside. It made it hard for Clarke to focus on anything else. At least until Lexa rested her head on Clarke’s shoulder, and she placed Clarke’s hands on her belly, entwining their hands together. Clarke was certain that Lexa felt her rubbing up against her, but for now, they both wanted to bask in being together in this way.

“ _Klark?_ ”

“Yes, my love.”

“We have a son.”

Clarke tilted her head down and kissed Lexa’s temple.

“It’s amazing, we made a person,” Clarke agreed.

Clarke started rubbing circles into Lexa’s skin, causing her to purr.

Remembering that first time they were together reminded Clarke of that conversation they had afterward.

“Do you ever regret not taking your tea after we were together?”

Lexa didn’t answer right away, making Clarke think that it might have been a mistake to ask. But then Lexa shifted enough that they could look at each other in the eye.

“When I first found out that I was pregnant, I was really scared.”

Clarke nodded.

“For obvious reasons, I was worried that it would force me to out myself to everyone.”

“Did you ever consider ending the pregnancy?”

“Yes,” Clarke was prepared for the answer, but it still made her sad that she would have felt like she had no choice but to do that. But she still would have respected her decision.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what changed your mind?”

“I don’t know. Something inside of me, whether it was the Spirit of the Commander or just my own intuition, I just felt like this pup was special like he was meant to be here.”

Lexa shifted back to her original position on Clarke’s shoulder.

“Besides, I loved his sire way too much to risk losing a part of her. So no, I don’t regret listening to the foolish remarks of the alpha that fell from the sky.”

Clarke didn’t know what to say. She just kissed Lexa’s temple one more time before wrapping her arms around Lexa’s shoulders. Clarke didn’t realize that she was crying until she felt a tear run down her cheek.

They sat like that for a few more minutes before Clarke reached for one of the vials on the step and a small hand towel that she wrung out. With Lexa sitting forward, Clarke slowly cleaned her back, then her arms. She had Lexa stand so she could clean her legs, and then the front of her body, careful to spend extra time on her belly.

Once Lexa’s body was thoroughly clean, it was Lexa’s turn to wash Clarke down. Standing still for Lexa was hard, Clarke was ticklish and with Lexa as fastidious as she was, every inch of her had to be covered in suds. Somewhere between all of the cuddling earlier and the tickling, Clarke’s dick had retracted itself. When Lexa started on Clarke’s lower body, she paused. Clarke couldn’t help but notice Lexa’s fascination. It’s not like they had ever been naked around each other before when Clarke wasn’t aroused.

“Not what you are used to seeing?”

A furious blush arose on Lexa’s cheeks and she turned away, continuing down Clarke’s legs with the soapy towel. When Lexa had finished scrubbing her down, and Clarke had washed off all of the suds, Clarke pulled Lexa close to her. She whispered into Lexa’s ear,

“You can touch me if you want, but I guarantee it won’t stay like that for long.”

Lexa’s face erupted into a mischievous smile. Clarke felt one of Lexa’s hands wrap around her neck as she pulled her in for a kiss. The kiss was deep and searching. Lexa broke the seam of Clarke’s lips almost immediately after first contact. Clarke could taste the insistence on Lexa’s tongue as she went further into her mouth. But when Lexa used her other hand to explore Clarke’s folds, Clarke nearly choked.

It’s not that she didn’t like the stimulation, she just wasn’t used to being touched that way. But before Lexa could pull away, Clarke felt her clit extend. Clarke could feel Lexa smile into the kiss as she began pumping Clarke’s dick. Not wanting either of them to fall, Clarke broke off the kiss only to whisper into Lexa’s ear,

“Let’s get out of the tub and onto the bed.”

Eagerly, Lexa jumped out of the tub first. Not used to Lexa leading, Clarke just smirked as she joined Lexa on the ground. What made Clarke’s mouth go entirely dry was when Lexa stood in front of the bed before bending down, so her torso was resting on the bed and her legs were spread wide.

Clarke hustled over to her, excited but hesitant. Before she continued, she rubbed Lexa’s shoulders before she whispered,

“Is this what you want?”

But all she got in return was the whine of her impatient omega before Lexa turned her head enough to say,

_“Klark, shof op en jok ai.”_ (Shut up and fuck me)

Clarke didn’t need to be told twice. Her inner alpha roared at being ordered around. Clarke put pressure on Lexa’s shoulders forcing her down further on the bed. She widened Lexa’s stance for easier access to her opening. Satisfied with their positions, Clarke inserted two fingers into Lexa’s greedy sex. Despite the bath, Lexa was already completely soaked. _Soaked for me._ Clarke thought to herself. 

Clarke felt around for the spongy front layer with her fingers, pleased when she heard Lexa moaning for her to keep going. But Clarke was in control, so she pulled her fingers out abruptly, fully expecting the protests she heard from Lexa. Clarke spread the wetness she collected on her dick, already weeping its own share of precum. Before she had a chance to insert herself, Lexa whined before she tried to turn again. But Clarke gently pushed her back down to the bed. It wasn’t enough of a force that Lexa couldn’t push her back, but it was enough to let Lexa know who was in charge. 

Clarke didn’t waste any more time though. She reached in between Lexa’s folds before she inserted her the head of her penis, still wrapped in foreskin, inside. In this position, it required a little bit of effort to pop it in.

Clarke heard Lexa take in a sharp breath as the widest part of her head slipped in. But as she slowly pushed herself forward, she heard Lexa moan sinfully. Clarke pulled back a few centimeters, not enough to pull her head out, but for Lexa to feel the stretch of it. Clarke sat this way for a moment, appreciating the tight walls surrounding her, until she jerked her hips forward, pushing herself in farther than she was before. 

Clarke repeated this several times until she was fully sheathed inside. She loved the feeling of being inside of her omega this way, but it wasn't just about being fully sheathed, it was how the pelvises touched, how good it felt to be this close to the woman she loved more than anything. 

With Lexa’s face turned towards the side, Clarke heard her say, 

“ _Klark_ , I need you to move.”

Pulled out of her trance, Clarke put her left hand on Lexa’s left hip to give herself more leverage when she would join their hips together in a satisfying smack. When she reached for Lexa’s right hip, Lexa grabbed her hand and placed it flat on her belly. 

Having sex during Lexa’s heat was an incredibly intimate experience. But having sex with Lexa while she was pregnant with their son was a whole other level of intimacy. It was strange, but being inside of her, and feeling the swell of Lexa’s belly with her hand overwhelmed Clarke with an intense feeling of love and tenderness she hadn’t felt before.

Unwilling to stop, Clarke charged forward drawing moan after moan from Lexa. Eventually, Lexa had to bury her mouth in the furs, for fear that the guards could hear them outside of her tent. Knowing that Lexa had to do this only encouraged Clarke to push harder and faster. With every stroke, she felt Lexa’s walls contract around her leaving her hungry for more.

Watching Lexa from underneath her, split open, and arching her hips in the air, Clarke had an excellent view of Lexa’s ass. More specifically, the tightly puckered sphincter that she hadn’t played with since Lexa’s heat all those months ago. She knew Lexa enjoyed that stuff, but she also knew that both of them were close to finishing. But she found that she was having a hard time looking away.

Knowing full well that Lexa might kill her for this, she slowed down her thrusts until she could pull out entirely. Clarke could feel Lexa trying to get on to her elbows, but Clarke leaned forward enough to speak directly into Lexa’s ear.

“Don’t worry, I will return, I just need to collect some wetness on my fingers for other stuff.”

Lexa turned her face to the side and enthusiastically nodded. With the go-ahead, Clarke inserted her left pointer and middle fingers inside of Lexa’s heated opening before returning her dick to its rightful place. Clarke started thrusting her hips at a slow pace, keeping herself as in control of her instinct to rut as much as possible.

With her fingers slick, Clarke slowly inched her pointer finger closer to Lexa’s sphincter. Still rocking her hips back and forth, Clarke stuck her wet finger inside. Lexa had already brought her face back down into the fur but the way she arched up encouraged Clarke to push in both holes a little farther. With her left hand occupied, Clarke eased her right hand to Lexa’s hip.

When Clarke felt like she had a good pace, she stuck a second finger inside. She heard Lexa gasp, and then moan. Back and forth, she would pull her hips backward and fingers farther out before slamming them both back in at the same time. It went this way for several minutes of going in and out.

Clarke felt herself getting closer to finishing. But just when she thought she might not be able to drive it home, she felt the walls around her dick clamp down frantically. The sphincter around her fingers tightened and Lexa screamed loud enough that no amount of fur would contain it. Her inner alpha was sated knowing that she had pleasured her omega first. Before long, she felt that telltale pressure at the base of her dick before she groaned as she emptied herself into Lexa.

Clarke felt the temptation to collapse, but she knew that as fun as this position was, Lexa would be ready to move sooner rather than later. Carefully, she removed her fingers from inside of Lexa’s sphincter and her dick from Lexa’s pussy. With her clean hand, she helped Lexa back to a standing position. Clarke could not help but puff out her chest when she saw the slight wobble of Lexa’s legs. She knew she did good if the lazy smile now on Lexa’s face was any indication. 

Clarke gave Lexa a quick kiss on the lips before she whispered,

“Let me wash my hands, I have one more thing for us to do before we go to bed.”

Lexa gave her a confused look before she sat on the bed. Clarke went over to the bathtub and used some of the soap to wash her hands. It’s not that she minded Lexa all over her, but she needed to have clean hands for what she was going to do next.

After toweling her hands dry, Clarke sorted through the pile of her clothes on the ground until she found her jacket. Not remembering which pocket she put it in, Clarke felt around until she felt the familiar shape she was looking for. When she walked back over to Lexa, her impatient omega had her arms crossed. Which over her protruding belly was completely adorable even Clarke would never tell Lexa that.

Clarke went in for a quick kiss before she showed Lexa the bottle of moisturizer in her hands. An amused look spread across Lexa’s face. Even sitting naked on top of her furs, Lexa had a way of making it look incredibly regal. In her post-sex glow, Clarke knew that Lexa could have convinced her to do anything, and she would have listened. But she was hoping that Lexa would let her pamper her a little bit before they went to sleep.

Clarke whispered into Lexa’s ear, “Let me take care of you. I don’t want you feeling itchy right before bed.”

Lexa’s smirk disappeared but the crinkles around her eyes remained as she nodded. Clarke poured a dime-sized glob of moisturizer on to her right hand before she rubbed her hands together.

“Lean back for me.”

Lexa brought her hands behind her on the bed and leaned back so her belly protruded. Clarke got down on her knees right in front of her omega and slowly brought her hands to Lexa’s skin. She started close to Lexa’s navel and pushed out laterally towards her sides, rubbing circles into the taught skin. Lexa closed her eyes and began breathing in slow, deep breaths. When Clarke ran out of moisturizer, she reached for the bottle still on the bed. Lexa opened her eyes halfway before she grabbed Clarke’s outreached hand and kissed it. Before Clarke could reach for the bottle, Lexa said,

“ _Mochof, ai hodnes. Ai fig raun dei de ste bitam gon nau. Oso gaf in gon kamp raun rid op.”_ (Thank you, my love. I think that is enough for now. We need to go to sleep.)

Clarke closed her eyes before she nodded. She placed a hand flat against Lexa’s belly, before kissing her several times about an inch above the navel. She stood up and picked up the bottle of moisturizer before walking back to her jacket to stick it inside one of the pockets. When she returned, she entwined both of Lexa’s hands with her own before softly kissing her omega on the lips. As Lexa began crawling into bed, Clarke blew out all of the candles. Once it was dark, Clarke climbed into bed right behind Lexa, who appeared to already be asleep on her side until she got up enough for Clarke to sneak her right hand under her waist. Clarke fell asleep with her nose buried in one of Lexa’s scent glands with the familiar scents of pine, earth, and fresh rain mixed with her saltwater scent to ease her into sweet dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So next chapter is going to be a little more intense just as a heads up. I hope you guys enjoyed this one, as always, let me know what you guys think in the comments, I always appreciate your feedback.
> 
> Thank you for reading. Have a nice rest of your weekend!
> 
> -biphi


	22. Dangerous Encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa get handsy in the morning, Lexa has a sit down with a dangerous man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Tuesday everybody! I know this is a day earlier than I usually post during the week, but I felt inspired! Like I mentioned last chapter, this one's a little more intense than the previous couple of chapters.
> 
> Also, we made it to over 100,000 words! Here's to the next 100,000!
> 
> As always guys, thank you for reading!

**Lexa**

**Five Days Until the Hearing**

Lexa woke up with a pulsing heat in her core. She was still laying on her right side with Clarke’s front pressed devastatingly close to her back. Lexa couldn’t help the moan that escaped her lips. It wasn’t until she realized that Clarke had her left hand in between her folds that she understood why. With her eyes still closed, she could not help the smile that broke out on her lips. Her alpha knew how to take care of her, that was for sure. Clarke’s right hand was protectively wrapped around her belly. Lexa slowly reached for it and brought it up to her mouth, kissing the palm of Clarke’s hand. She then returned it to its rightful place.

Lexa slowly opened her eyes before turning her head so she could see Clarke’s face behind her. It was still fairly dark outside, but she could see Clarke’s eyelids were half-open, a smirk plain on her face as she continued her slow circles around Lexa’s clit. Lexa kissed Clarke on the lips before wordlessly putting a hand on Clarke’s left, urging her to go faster. As Clarke obliged her request, Lexa couldn’t help but grind her ass into Clarke’s pelvis. From what she could feel, she knew she wasn’t the only one aroused.

Lexa could feel Clarke pumping her hips to the rhythm Lexa set. As Clarke swirled her fingers faster and faster, Lexa felt the fire building up in her sex. But Clarke was relentless. All at once, Lexa felt her hips stuttering before every muscle in her body was tense. She melted back into Clarke’s front, as she slowly wound her down. When the aftershocks ended, Lexa rolled herself over so that she was facing her love. The smug smile on Clarke’s face had to be remedied, so Lexa pressed her lips to Clarke’s and pushed for a deep, sensuous kiss.

Lexa pulled up the covers before she reached down for Clarke’s dick and sure enough, standing thick, tall, and proud, Clarke’s alphahood was just begging for her attention. Lexa couldn’t help but lick her lips. It had been ages since she tasted Clarke, and with a perfect drop of precum glistening out of the slit, Lexa knew she had to lick it.

Lexa crawled under the covers, pushing Clarke’s left hip backward, so Clarke was lying flat on her back. Lexa got on her elbows and positioned herself parallel with the head of the bed. With her right hand, she grabbed the base of Clarke’s shaft, and Clarke immediately bucked her hips. A wicked smile crept up on Lexa’s face at the thought of what she was going to do to her alpha.

Lexa moved her hand up to almost the tip, peeling back Clarke’s foreskin and giving her full access to the head. Lexa brought her head down and licked the salty precum, taking extra care around the slit. For how much pleasure she got from it when it was inside of her, she always marveled at how cushiony and luxurious Clarke's head felt on her lips and her tongue. She could feel all of the muscles in Clarke’s thighs tense up before she even put the head into her mouth. Lexa used her right hand to stroke the shaft as she licked around the head several times more until she could hear a whimper from Clarke.

Confident that she had tortured Clarke enough, Lexa slowly brought her mouth around the thick head of Clarke’s dick. From under the furs, Lexa could hear a satisfactory groan from above her. Encouraged to go further, Lexa brought another inch of the shaft into her mouth, alternating between sucking and licking.

At this point, a steady stream of precum was leaking into her mouth and going down her throat. Lexa loved the taste of Clarke’s arousal and it drove her crazy knowing that she could make the most powerful alpha she had ever met beg for her never to stop. As she sunk her mouth further down the shaft, she could feel the edge of the retracted foreskin with her lips. She began rolling the foreskin up and down repeatedly with her lips until she felt Clarke consistently tensing and relaxing the muscles of her butt as if she was resisting the urge to thrust her hips up.

Clarke started whispering encouraging things like,

“Yes, Lex, right there,” or “Oh my god, don’t stop.”

After one more up and down, Lexa dipped her head and closer to Clarke’s hips, not enough to take the whole shaft, but enough that she had to actively prevent herself from gagging. With her tongue, she licked her way all the up to the tip and right back down. She did this several times more until she heard another deep groan from above her. Clarke’s breathing continued to get heavier, and the occasional thrust slipped past her control.

Lexa continued to push Clarke’s dick further down her throat, using her right hand to cover the remaining length that her mouth couldn’t. Eventually, she felt a hand snake under the covers and stroke her hair. Every once in a while, she could feel a slight push downwards. But that only encouraged her further.

Lexa began to suck, lick, and stroke faster and faster, with Clarke, unabashedly thrusting her hips up as she brought her head down. Before long, the groans coming from Clarke got longer and when Clarke wasn’t doing that, she was whispering,

“Yes, yes Lex, yes”

Eventually, Lexa felt pressure at the base of the shaft, and she could feel Clarke’s final huge thrust into her mouth. Thick cords of cum exploded into her mouth, requiring Lexa to pull back so only the head remained inside. Just as she was about to release Clarke’s dick with a satisfying pop, a familiar voice came jarring into her ears that stopped her in her tracks.

“Lexa, Clarke, I’m coming in to warn you that Clarke should leave to go back to her ten–”

But Ezra never finished that sentence. Lexa wasn’t sure how far into the room Ezra got, whether he was still in the public part of her tent or if he had gotten close enough to see into the private living space. All Lexa knew was that she was not about to climb out of the covers, possibly with cum on her face, to find out. That was an image she knew Ezra never would have wanted to see. Luckily for her, Clarke did all of the talking. In a dangerous growl, that made Lexa embarrassingly wet, Clarke said in a voice no louder than her regular speaking voice,

“ _Get out_.”

Lexa could hear Ezra scrambling away. When she was sure he had left her tent, she finally released the now flaccid dick from her mouth. Clarke raised the furs enough to make eyes with her and as soon as they saw each other, the panicked expressions they shared morphed into laughter. 

Lexa could feel Clarke putting a stray hair behind her ear before she urged her up. Lexa kissed Clarke right on the lips, allowing her to taste herself. Lexa sunk back into the pillows before Clarke said, 

“I’m pretty sure we just scarred your brother for life.”

Lexa shrugged, “That’ll teach him not to barge in without a heads up first.”

When Lexa realized what she said, she couldn’t help but blush, as Clarke arched an eyebrow, “Interesting choice of words.”

That got both of them to laugh again.

Clarke stroked Lexa’s hair.

“At least he didn’t see us doing other things.”

Now that Lexa could agree with. If he had walked in last night when Clarke had her bent over the bed, buried inside of her, she wasn’t sure that either she or Ezra would have been able to look one another in the eye for weeks. But recalling how thoroughly filled she felt last night, Lexa felt a renewed pool of arousal building up inside of her just thinking about being in that position.

“But one thing he was right about, I should probably go before too many people notice me leaving your tent.”

As Clarke pulled the furs off of her naked body, Lexa grabbed her arm,

“I don’t want you to leave.”

“And I don’t want to go,” Clarke placed her hand underneath Lexa’s chin before she said, “But I will be gone for at most another hour until the sun comes up.”

Clarke leaned down and gave Lexa another quick kiss.

“We will see each other soon, my love.”

Clarke got out of the bed and walked, naked and proud to the strategy table where her strange clothes were still rolled up from the night before. Lexa watched from her bed, her torso entirely exposed as Clarke now clothed, walked back into her private living space to collect the clothes they had dropped on the ground before the bath last night. 

Clarke turned around to face her one more time, “That’s unfair, you can’t just go around looking like how you do and expect me to do the responsible thing and leave.”

Lexa flashed her one of her mischievous grins before she sat up and stuck out her chest, “I have no idea what you are talking about.” 

Clarke arched an eyebrow before she said, “ _Leidon, ai hodnes_.” (Goodbye, my love)

After Clarke left, Lexa wallowed in her bed for another ten minutes before begrudgingly deciding to get ready. As much as she didn’t want to, she knew she needed to talk to Ezra before she and Clarke left for Arkadia once more. 

About thirty minutes later, Lexa could hear Ezra’s voice from outside the tent,

“ _Heda_?”

“ _Yu na kom op in._ ” (You can come in)

Lexa could not remember the last time she saw such a sheepish expression on her brother’s face. When he entered the tent, Lexa had her hands folded behind her back. She wasn’t looking at him directly, and instead opted to review the plans she and Indra had laid out the night before. She could hear Ezra take a few strides further into the tent.

“I wanted to apologize for coming in unannounced earlier.”

Lexa looked up from the maps and into his eyes.

“It was an invasion of your privacy, and it was wrong.”

“Yes, it was.”

“But, Lexa–”

Lexa just arched an eyebrow without saying anything else. She waited for him to speak.

“You also need to be more careful. I understand that you just got her back, but what if I were someone else? Someone less invested in your welfare?”

“Seeing as no one else just barges into my tent, I am confused as to why I am the one that needs to be more careful.”

“I had to relieve Seth of his duties last night, your voices were traveling outside of the tent.” 

Lexa couldn’t help the blush that crept up her cheeks.

“Oh”

“To be honest, most of these _gonas_ would do just about anything for you, but I think it would be best for everyone involved if you were just a little more subtle about it, that’s all. I know I should have been more careful this morning, but I was just trying to make sure you were both safe.”

Lexa nodded in understanding. Knowing that her brother might have been able to hear all the noises she was making last night made her almost die of embarrassment. Her only consolation was that Ezra looked just as embarrassed as she felt. Unwilling to entertain this conversation further, Lexa decided to change the subject.

“If you were up guarding my tent all night, you should get some rest.”

Both of them had agreed to skirt around the reason why he had to do that. Ezra nodded, “I will. I plan on heading back to my tent when you and Clarke leave for Arkadia.”

Lexa nodded.

“What are the plans for today?”

Lexa sighed, it was going to be another long day. “In the afternoon, I have plans to hammer out the final details of a trade agreement with _Skaikru_ leadership. But first, I am meeting with the one they call Pike.”

That brought a growl out of Ezra, “You mean, the one who tried to attack the army?”

“Yes.”

“ _Leksa_ ”

But Lexa just raised her hand, “The _Skaikru_ leadership is uncertain of what to do with him. According to their laws, he hasn’t done anything yet. I aim to gain a better understanding of his intentions and to understand just how dangerous he is to figure out the best punishment for him.”

Lexa took a deep breath, “And I am going to do it alone.”

Lexa could smell her brother’s anger pheromones in the air, “You are being reckless.”

“I don’t want anyone else interfering when I talk to him.” 

Lexa softened her expression, “There will be _Skaikru_ guards outside the door and he will be tied down.”

“I don’t like this.”

“I know you don’t, but that’s why I am _Heda_ and you are not.”

Ezra crossed his arms and turned his head to the side. He turned back to face her before he took a few strides closer.

“Does Clarke know about this?”

That brought out a growl from her chest, “Yes, she does, and she is just as upset about it as you are, but regardless, it’s my decision.”

Ezra reached out to touch her shoulder, “Just remember, it isn’t only your life at stake anymore.” 

Lexa sighed, she loved her brother but there were times when she wanted to strangle him. 

“Do me a favor, ask for two meals to be brought here for breakfast and send for Clarke, we will leave shortly afterward.”

Ezra looked like he wanted to say something else before he sighed then nodded. He kissed her on the forehead before saying, 

“ _Ai hod yu in_ ” 

He didn’t wait for her response before he turned around and left the tent.

###

Lexa was sitting in a small windowless room in the middle of the metal space house. There wasn’t much inside, just a metal table with a chair on either side of it. Lexa was sitting in the chair closest to the door. Marcus Kane had told her that this would be the best place for her to conduct her interview with Charles Pike. But that didn’t change how claustrophobic it made her. 

Lexa told Clarke that she asked Kane for a meeting with Pike while he was giving her a tour. At the time, Clarke wasn’t happy about it, but when both of them realized that there was no use trying to convince the other, they hung up the issue for the rest of the night. Unfortunately, the time they spent away from each other seemed to bring it to the forefront of Clarke’s mind. She begged and pleaded for Lexa to allow her to be there during the meeting, but Lexa wouldn’t hear of it. She had to do this on her own for her authority to be taken seriously. 

Lexa had her hands flat on the table. She hadn’t been in there long but waiting alone in that small room was making her uncomfortable. Just when she thought she couldn’t take it anymore, the door was opened and in came one of the _Skaikru_ guards holding the shoulder of a very angry alpha followed by another guard with his hand on the other shoulder. 

Charles Pike had a threadbare faded grey shirt on with his hands tied behind his back. His eyebrows were furrowed, and he reeked of angry alpha energy. It was moments like this that reminded Lexa how much she hated the smell of most alphas. Pike’s underlying scent, which was easily detectable under all of the anger in the small room, was of metal, similar to Clarke’s. But it also smelled like a strange chemical that burned her nose, a terrible smell that she had just been introduced to yesterday. He also had hints of smoky campfire laced through his scent. Lexa was starting to think that living in this metal home truly influenced who people were at their core. 

One of the guards, Lexa recognized as Miller, pulled out a chair before pushing Pike down on to it. Once he was settled into his seat, Miller nodded to Lexa, 

“ _Heda_ ”

“Thank you, that’ll be all.”

The two guards filed out of the room leaving just her and Pike. Lexa steepled her fingers as she stared across the table at Pike. Pike didn’t waste any time, 

“It’s amazing, you’ve been here for what? All of twenty-four hours and you already have people whom I’ve known for their entire lives bowing before you.”

“Your people are showing respect to their Commander.”

“You see? That’s the difference between me and Kane, he may be willing to just capitulate to the nearest alpha with a little bit of power, but I refuse.”

Lexa raised an eyebrow,

“Hasn’t anyone told you?” Lexa smiled, “I’m not an alpha.”

Lexa pushed out her scent enough for Pike to pick up its sweetness. But that only caused him to anger further.

“You mean to tell me that Kane has so little respect for his people and himself that he was willing to be branded and it was all to follow an omega?”

“An omega with an army of tens of thousands, who could lay waste to this village in a matter of hours.”

Pike let an obnoxious smile take over his face,

“So you admit it. You admit that you are willing to attack us.”

Lexa wasn’t about to fall into his trap.

“Tell me something. What did you hope to achieve by massacring all of my warriors sent to protect your people?”

“No, no, no, you are talking as if I should assume that you sent them here to protect us when they could just as easily have turned around and attacked us.”

“If I wanted to attack your people, I would’ve sent more than two hundred warriors from local villages to do so.”

Pike just looked to the side before blowing out a gush of air.

“But you never answered my question.”

“Remind me.”

“What did you hope to achieve by murdering all of those people?”

“It would have sent a message.”

Lexa felt herself getting impatient with this man.

“Which was what?”

“That after what happened at Mount Weather, when you killed most of my people, that wasn’t going to go unavenged. That we were here to stay, and not to be easily reckoned with.”

Unwilling to take her eyes off of him, Lexa resisted the urge to roll her them.

“Aside from the fact that it was the Ice Nation that attacked Mount Weather for the moment, attacking that army would only have forced me to call upon the armies of the twelve clans in retaliation.”

“For all we know, you were planning on doing that anyway.”

Lexa crossed her arms over her chest, “if you are going to continuously assume that you cannot trust my intentions we will never get anywhere.”

“The only time I trusted a grounder, it resulted in the deaths of the few people I had left.”

“Then this conversation is over.”

They both sat quietly for a moment before Lexa heard a snap. Pike said,

“I couldn’t agree more.”

Pike lunged forward with what appeared to a makeshift knife out a shard of metal less than three inches long. He tried to aim it at Lexa’s throat, but Lexa was faster. She raised her arm to block the knife. It felt like someone was ripping apart her arm as the sharp object gouged into her forearm. Lexa pulled her arm back with the knife still embedded. Lexa had to laugh to herself when Pike’s eyes grew to the size of saucers at the sight of her black blood. Before Pike could try to escape, Lexa punched him in the face, knocking him out.

When Pike’s torso collapsed onto the table, Lexa was able to take a beat albeit a cautious one. Without turning her head back to the door, she boomed,

“Take the prisoner away!”

Lexa’s blood was dripping all over the floor. Thankfully, the door flew open and Miller came running in. He trained his gun on Pike. When he saw that he was unconscious, Miller called over his shoulder at the other guard to get Abby.

Lexa stood up and slowly backed away from the table. Within minutes, Abby reached them, panting and pupils wide, like she was outrunning a predator. When Abby was able to get her bearings, she took a look at Lexa’s arm, the knife still lodged in the cut several inches across, blood weeping out of the wound.

“What happened?”

Lexa motioned to her arm, “Pike had a shard of metal that he tried to stab me in the neck with. Unfortunately for him, he missed, and I knocked him out.”

“He was searched repeatedly before he was put in lock-up. Someone must have given him the weapon on the way here.”

Everyone in the room took an uneasy breath at that statement. Abby pulled out the chair closest to the door and motioned for Lexa to sit in it. Abby set her medkit on the ground, kneeling in front of Lexa's chair. When she opened the kit, she brought out a bottle of brown liquid before she turned to Lexa.

"It's probably best that we do this here, without prying eyes on the way to Med Bay."

Lexa nodded.

“I am going to have to remove the knife and then I am going to stitch up the wound.”

Before Abby could pull the knife, the door swung open. Clarke stormed into the room and immediately locked the door behind her. Lexa held Clarke’s gaze briefly and watched as Clarke’s eyes turned a shade of red that Lexa had only seen one other time. It was when Roan had brought her up to the throne room. But as deadly as Clarke might have appeared then, Lexa truly didn’t think that Clarke would have harmed her. She didn’t think she would now, but that didn’t mean that Lexa had any confidence about the rest of the people in this room.

In a voice as cold as ice, Clarke trained her voice at Miller,

“Miller, stand down, now.”

Miller still had his eyes trained on Pike, not being able to see the deadly state that Clarke was in. A surge of dominance pheromones flooded the room. Enough to make everyone in the room who wasn’t already on their knees struggle to remain upright. Miller looked down at an unconscious Pike, then lowered his weapon.

Clarke grabbed the collar of Pike’s shirt before she repeatedly shook him to try to wake him up. When he stirred, it was to groan in confusion. In an amazing demonstration of strength, Clarke dragged him to the ground and straddled his chest. She yanked his head up and back down into the hard floor before she started hitting his face with her fists. When Miller tried to walk over to her, Clarke just roared, causing Miller to stagger back and fall to his knees.

From where Abby was kneeling, she said,

“Clarke”

No response. Pike’s face was already beginning to swell making it hard to recognize him. His left eye was swollen shut and his lip was busted open and had begun to bleed. Lexa could see the red staining Clarke’s knuckles. 

“Clarke, you’re going to kill him.”

But Clarke forced everyone in the room to submit. Lexa felt the pull to go down on her knees, but she forced herself to stand up, the air around her almost impossible to breathe in it was so thick. But she took a step. Then another one. Then she got to the table, where she had to lean on it this close to where Clarke was on the ground.

Clarke had moved on to pounding at Pike’s chest. Finally, when Lexa made her way around the table, she was able to kneel next to Clarke. Slowly, she reached a hand out to touch Clarke’s lower back. Clarke initially flinched at the contact, but when Lexa leaned in and shifted her hands so that they were on both shoulders, Clarke stopped striking Pike.

Bit by bit, Lexa managed to get Clarke off of Pike’s body. Eventually, Lexa had her with her legs crossed on the ground, her own chest pressed against Clarke’s back. Lexa protectively crossed her arms around Clarke’s shoulders and she swayed their bodies back and forth. Quietly, she began singing a _Trikru_ lullaby that her brother used to sing to her when she had trouble falling asleep. When Lexa had sung through the entire song twice, Clarke rested her head against one of Lexa’s shoulders. Lexa felt Clarke's tears run down her arms and mix with the blood still weeping from her arm. 

The second Lexa felt Clarke’s dominance pheromones cease, she mouthed to Abby to get everyone else out of the room. Abby unlocked the door, and several security guards came in and placed Pike’s almost lifeless body on a stretcher. With everyone else out of the room, it felt strangely peaceful. Lexa began to purr into her alpha’s ear as Clarke whimpered for about ten minutes until the excess of energy Clarke had been releasing caught up with her. When she felt Clarke go limp in her arms, Lexa took in a shaky breath of her own as she finally let the tears fall down her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know many have you have been wondering when Pike was going to come into play, well here he is. I promise we will get a little more context on what actually happened when Clarke walked through that door, likely in the next chapter.  
> Obviously there will be some implications for the future. 
> 
> Side note, Ezra walking in on Lexa giving Clarke head was not originally in my plan, but somewhere along the line, the idea just popped into my head (no pun intended) and I knew I had to write it. 
> 
> As always guys, thank you for reading, and sending love to this fic! I appreciate you guys so much.


	23. Blood Rage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke wakes up after destroying Pike, has a conversation with Lexa and then Abby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know it's been a whole week, but I got caught up with a lot of stuff this week that kept me from my laptop. Anyways, I hope you like this chapter, it explains what happened last chapter and it pays off a couple of things too. I hope you guys enjoy!

**Clarke**

**Five Days Until the Hearing**

Clarke woke up to fluorescent lights burning her retinas. She realized that she was in a room not too dissimilar to the exam room that she and Lexa had been in the night before. Except instead of an exam table, Clarke was laying on a hospital bed with her own IV attached to a bag of Normal Saline. Lexa was holding her hand and sitting in a red chair brought next to the right side of her bed. Lexa’s free hand had a bandage wrapped tightly around her forearm. 

Lexa found her gaze and they shared small smiles. But Lexa's eyebrows were furrowed, and her smile was tight. Clarke wasn’t entirely sure how much time had passed; she really didn’t remember much of anything past seeing her mother race across the station. The last thing she knew for sure was the feeling of certain fear that what was hers was being threatened. But looking at her love, Lexa appeared to have aged ten years since Clarke saw her this morning. She had circles under her eyes a shade darker than Clarke had ever seen before. There were lines in between her eyebrows. Her hair was not perfectly in place. Clarke pressed a button on the side of the hospital bed allowing the head of the bed up so she could sit.

Slowly, Clarke brought their entwined hands to her lips and she closed her eyes, taking in Lexa’s smell. When she opened her eyes, she saw tears building up in Lexa’s eyes. Clarke panicked at seeing her omega this way and pushed out all the soothing pheromones she could muster.

“Lex, what’s wrong?”

With her free hand, Lexa wiped her tears away, “I was so worried about you.”

“Me? You were the one being threatened.”

Lexa raised her eyebrows, “Clarke, how much do you remember about what happened?”

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows as she concentrated. She brought her left pointer finger and thumb to the bridge of her nose. Every time that she tried to think about what happened, she felt a splitting pain in her temples.

“I remember seeing my mother from across the bar as Brian came running to her table where she was sitting with Raven. When my mom ran out of there, I didn’t wait to get the story from Raven, I just knew you were in trouble and I started running. And then I woke up here.”

Lexa turned her head to the side, briefly avoiding Clarke’s gaze. Clarke was beginning to feel like Lexa was protecting her from the truth. But that only frightened Clarke more.

“Lexa, what happened?”

Lexa turned back to face her before she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. 

“If I tell you what happened, I need you to stay as calm as possible until I finish. You cannot barge in with questions or do something crazy like run out of this room. You aren’t wearing nearly enough clothes. Only I get to see you this naked.”

Lexa was referring to the hospital gown Clarke was wearing. Unfortunately, she wasn’t wearing much else. She appreciated Lexa trying to lighten the mood and the strain of possessiveness made Clarke feel marginally better. When she realized that Lexa was waiting for an answer, Clarke said,

“I promise, I will try my best to listen to everything you have to say before I ask any questions or make any sudden movements.”

Lexa placed her right hand on Clarke’s leg before she started filling in the gaps.

“When I was talking to Pike, he used a makeshift knife someone must have given him on the way to the meeting room to cut through his restraints. He then tried to pull the knife on me and aimed for my throat.”

Clarke tried to keep herself calm and listen quietly. But as soon as the word knife came out of Lexa’s mouth, Clarke grabbed the railing on her hospital bed with her left hand so tightly that her knuckles were white. When she felt herself growl from deep in her chest, her vocal cords felt raw, as if she had been using them for hours. Lexa gave her a look that said, _keep growling and see what happens_. When she cut herself off, Lexa continued. 

“But I was faster, and I brought up my arm, catching the knife. Without a weapon and the element of surprise, I had the advantage. I knocked him out with my uninjured arm. When I called to the guards, one stayed while the other went to get Abby. But before she could tend to the wound on my arm, you came into the room.”

Lexa paused, and she turned away again.

“Lex, you can tell me.”

Lexa turned back so Clarke could see her eyes. Her beautiful grey-green eyes held so much love and so much sadness. Lexa brought their entwined fingers to her lips and began to massage the back of Clarke’s hand before bringing it back down to the hospital bed. Lexa took another breath before closing her eyes and aiming her gaze up like she was recalling something.

“You locked the door behind you, and then you looked at me. And Clarke, the fear and rage I could see on your face. I-I knew it wasn’t directed at me, but when your eyes started to glow red, I knew something was very, very wrong. Without going into every detail, you forced everyone to submit to you before almost beating Charles Pike to death.”

Clarke didn’t know what to say. As Lexa described what happened, images of the truth started to flash across her memory. She felt nausea build up in her stomach. Worried that she wouldn’t be able to hold it in, she blurted out,

“I need a container, quickly!”

Lexa passed her the small wastebasket and Clarke barfed her guts out. The skull bending rage that she felt bubbled back to the surface. The feeling of utter panic that her omega and her son were in danger came crashing through the haze her brain had felt necessary to put in place to protect itself. When she was sure she had emptied herself of what little food she had eaten all day, she brought the wastebasket down and Lexa took it before placing it on the ground.

“You calmed me down, didn’t you?”

Lexa nodded.

“You saved me.”

“I just prevented you from doing something you might regret later.”

“No. It was more than that. You brought me back.”

Lexa gave her a small smile, dulling the whiplash she felt from all of her memories that came rushing back. She gave their entwined hands a small squeeze. But then Clarke heard a knock at the door before Abby entered the room. She still had those same dark shadows under her eyes. The corners of Abby’s lips almost seemed to turn up like she was trying to smile. But there was no mistaking the relief that came over Abby's eyes.

“Clarke, you’re awake, that’s good.”

“Mom, what happened to me?”

Abby pulled a chair up to Clarke’s bed across from Lexa. She sat with both legs firmly on the ground, with her hands in her lap. Abby looked down at her hands and took a deep breath before she held Clarke’s gaze.

“Clarke, have you ever heard of blood rage before?”

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows before shaking her head.

“Well, it’s rare, and typically the alpha who experiences a blood rage is a particularly powerful one.”

Clarke couldn’t help but puff out her chest, “Go on”.

Clarke watched as Abby’s gaze shifted to Lexa before she said, “I promise, I raised her to be less of a meathead.”

Clarke felt sheepish, “It’s been a long day, let me take this win, Mom.”

But her mother just ignored that last statement and proceeding to explain whatever the hell it was that happened to her earlier.

“A blood rage is triggered when an alpha feels a profound intuition that their mate or pup is abruptly and imminently in life-threatening danger.”

“I understand why it was triggered, but what exactly happened?”

Abby closed her eyes briefly before she said, “Clarke, you need to settle down.”

Clarke brought her thumb and her pointer finger to the bridge of her nose. She was impatient to figure out what happened to her and it felt like her mother was stalling. When she brought her fingers down from her face, she reached for her mother’s hands.

“A blood rage puts the alpha in a rut-like state, they will not only attempt to vanquish the threat to their mate or pup but they will accept nothing less than complete submission from everyone else in the room. But even that often isn’t good enough. If Lexa hadn’t intervened, there was a good chance that you wouldn’t have stopped until everyone other than Lexa was killed.”

“Okay, so why do you still have that look of confusion on your face, Mom?”

“Because, there were cases of blood rage on the Ark, mostly before my time. Floating someone who was mated to an alpha always had to be done delicately. But when a blood rage was triggered, it was only a mate that could settle the alpha down. And you two–”

“–aren’t mated.” Clarke finished her mother’s sentence as she directed her gaze back to Lexa whose expression remained stoic up to this point.

“Which is a mystery in and of itself. I have a few theories about why you were triggered. Aside from the fact that while Lexa is neither your mate nor your pup, she is carrying your son and a threat to her is a threat to him.”

Clarke nodded before her gaze slipped down to Lexa’s belly. Lexa had already placed her free hand on it protectively.

“Clarke, how close are you to your next rut?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Alphas closer to rut are more likely to be influenced by our more primal natures.”

Clarke did the math in her head. It turned out, between being dragged to Polis and all of the craziness that happened in the meantime, she had lost track of her rut cycle.

“A little less than two weeks.”

Clarke looked down at Lexa and held her gaze. Clarke wasn’t sure how long this Ascension Council Hearing was supposed to last, she just hoped that it would end in time. When Clarke still had full control of herself. She was also nervous about sharing her rut with Lexa while she was pregnant. She didn’t think she would hurt Lexa, but after what happened today, the prospect of her alpha taking over in front of Lexa made her self-conscious. But that was a problem for another day. Abby brought her out of her musings.

“Two weeks out might not have been enough to influence whether or not the blood rage was triggered. But I have another more pressing concern. If word gets out about what happened, people will assume that’s how she was able to pull you out of the rage.”

“I mean, it’s Brian and Miller, I think we can get them to keep their mouths shut.”

“Okay, but Pike has been sentenced to death. Publicly. So when the people see him, they will know he was attacked.”

“Blame me,” Lexa said. “If anyone asks, explain that I was attacked and that I defended myself.”

Abby nodded, “Not everyone will be happy with that answer, but if they see your arm, we might be able to get by without people asking too many questions.”

“Where is Pike now?” Clarke asked

“Recovering in a different hospital room under armed guard, only people we absolutely trust.”

Clarke couldn’t help the growl that ripped through her chest. She remained tense until Lexa released soothing hormones and raised her eyebrows expectantly. Clarke eventually settled down enough for her growl to turn into a grunt.

Lexa took the opportunity to ask her own questions. “When is the execution planned for?”

“Tomorrow morning at dawn.”

“How far are you in your investigation of who gave Pike the knife?”

Abby’s eyebrows furrowed, “We are still working on that. More than one person likely involved. Marcus has beefed up security throughout the camp in the meantime.”

Lexa seemed satisfied with that answer at least for now, even if Clarke wasn’t entirely comfortable knowing that whoever supplied that weapon was still free. But there was still so much that Clarke needed to talk to Lexa about, _alone_ , without her mother.

“Well, Mom, if there’s nothing else,”

“Wait, I have one more question.”

Clarke struggled not to roll her eyes before she looked down at her exhausted mother, and she couldn’t help but feel the tiniest bit guilty knowing she how scared her mother must have been.

“How are you feeling?”

“Oh, uh, tired, relieved that Pike didn’t cause any irreversible damage. That I didn’t cause any irreversible damage. That I didn’t hurt you.”

Abby nodded before she stood up and gave Clarke a big hug. When Abby scent marked Clarke, she was a little taken aback. Alphas scent marked their pups all of the time, a part of her was looking forward to being able to scent mark her own son. But she was an adult now, and being scent marked by her sire was like having a lipstick stain on her forehead. Clarke had to suppress the groan in her throat.

“Mom”

Abby sighed, “I was just so worried about you.”

“I get that, but I am pretty sure everybody knows that I’m your daughter.”

Abby narrowed her eyes before a smirk showed up on her face, “Just you wait when that son of yours is running around on his own two legs. When it feels like your own heart is living outside of your chest, then we can talk about overprotective alphas.”

Abby kissed her on the forehead before she turned towards the door,

“I will give you two some privacy. Clarke, so long as you can eat and drink, we can take that IV out. I expect to see both of you later for the meeting with Marcus and the rest of Arkadian leadership.”

“Thank you, Mom.”

Abby left the room leaving Clarke alone with Lexa in peace. Their hands still entwined, Lexa brought their hands to her lips. It was hard for Clarke to imagine a time when she wasn’t madly in love with this omega. The idea that she could have lost her today, it was just too much for her bear. Clarke’s eyes drifted back down to Lexa’s belly and she couldn’t help but purr at the thought of meeting their son. 

“ _Klark_ ”

Clarke blinked several times, she hadn’t realized that she was crying until Lexa had caught her attention. Clarke wiped her tears away before she flashed the biggest smile she could muster. Lexa’s face remained stoic, with her eyebrows knitted slightly in concern. 

“ _Sha_ ”

“Are you ready to talk about what happened?”

Clarke pushed out a huge burst of air, caught off guard by Lexa’s question. She turned her head to the side, unable to face Lexa’s discerning gaze. Sometimes it really sucked to be so well understood. It made it impossible for her to hide. But she also knew that as terrifying as that could be, when she was ready to be vulnerable, Lexa would be there, to listen. Clarke turned back to face her love,

“No, but I will be soon, maybe on the way back to Polis.”

Lexa nodded before she turned up the corners of her lips in a tight smile. 

“Speaking of Polis, I have an idea.”

Grateful for the change of subject, Clarke raised one of her eyebrows.

“And what is this idea?”

“I want to bring Bellamy back with us to the city.”

Clarke had trouble keeping her jaw off the floor. Of all of the things that Lexa thought were good ideas, it never crossed Clarke’s mind that bringing Bellamy to Polis would be one of them. 

“Why?”

“For several reasons, namely that of all of the _Skaikru_ leaders, Bellamy has had the least exposure to our culture. I believe it’s why he was ever conflicted about Pike’s offer in the first place.”

“I could accept that argument, but you said you had multiple reasons.”

Lexa nodded, “I think that it would be a good idea to get him out of this place. When you lose someone that close to you, all you see around you is the ghosts they left behind.”

Clarke knew that Lexa had learned that lesson personally.

“So how long would he stay with us?”

“Clarke, I don’t him to come for a visit, I want him to stay, to help you represent _Skaikru_ for the rest of the Coalition.”

“Do you think me unable of doing that myself?”

“I think that you know as well as I do that being a leader can be lonely and rarely are our best decisions made alone.”

Clarke knew Lexa’s arguments made sense, but she still needed a moment to get rid of the sting she felt at the insinuation that she needed help. She knew it was a terrible alpha instinct, but still one that she would spend the rest of her life working against. 

“So what would his role officially be?”

“At first I want him to shadow you, offer his guidance and perspective as someone who lived through the transformation of Camp Jaha to Arkadia. And it allows him to learn the ropes.”

“And then?”

“Eventually, he will take over as _Skaikru’s_ Ambassador.”

“And just where will I be going that I should require a replacement?”

Lexa squeezed her hand before she said, “You will be too busy being the Commander’s Consort to be an Ambassador.” 

Clarke raised an eyebrow flirtatiously before she said, “I will be too busy, huh?”

Lexa’s smirk almost made Clarke blush.

“I will have to come up with a better title, but I might be willing to grow into the role.”

That earned her a full-blown smile from Lexa that gave Clarke no choice but to return the favor. But the image of Bellamy swinging his gun in the throne room came to mind.

“I still have some concerns.”

“Don’t assume this is easy for me Clarke, but after talking to him, and considering what is best for all of our people, I think that this is the smartest move. And Bellamy needs this.”

That brought out a small growl from Clarke’s chest. Imagining Lexa thinking about another alpha’s needs made her uncomfortable.

But Lexa rolled her eyes and said, “Oh come on, Bellamy is one of my citizens now and I think of all of my citizen’s needs. And,” she paused as she stood up from her chair to step closer to Clarke.

“I take care of your ample needs all the time. Just this morning even.”

Clarke pressed a button on the side of the hospital bed, bringing down the railing on the bed. Clarke swung her legs over the side of the bed. She spread her legs and motioned for Lexa to stand in between them. Immediately, she wrapped her hands around her omega, embracing her tightly. She felt the pressure of Lexa’s belly against her own lower abdomen as she pulled them flush against each other.

Clarke bumped their noses together before dropping her mouth to one of Lexa’s scent glands at the base of her neck. After kissing it a couple of times, Clarke sucked on it, bringing it into her mouth. Lexa had her chin pointed up with her neck fully exposed as she moaned sinfully. Clarke could have stayed this way for hours, at least until she realized that her fangs had dropped. If she kept pulling Lexa’s scent gland with her teeth, she could mark her permanently before they were ready.

In what she would eventually come to understand as convenient timing, Clarke could feel her clit extend. In the thin material of the hospital gown, there really wasn’t anywhere for it to go other than to rub up against Lexa’s thigh. Clarke knew the moment Lexa recognized what was happening because she snorted. Lexa was amused by Clarke’s arousal. Clarke felt Lexa place her hands on her shoulders as she brought some distance between the two of them. Lexa kissed her forehead before she backed up and walked towards the door. 

“I’m going to go track down your clothes so that we can get out of Med Bay.”

Clarke nodded knowing that the last thing they needed was for her mother to find them together in this room. Before Lexa opened the door, Clarke called out, 

“ _Ai hod yu in, Leksa kom Trikru_.”

Lexa flashed a smile at her that would have made her go weak in the knees had she been standing. 

“I love you too, Clarke Griffin.”

Lexa opened the door and closed it softly.

Clarke fell back on the bed, convinced that she just fell for Lexa all over again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random question, this one is for all of my millennials out there who watched original Disney movies. Does anyone remember the awesome Hilary Duff feature, Cadet Kelly? 
> 
> Thanks to Disney+, I watched it recently and thought, "Oh this is so gay." Even the male they shoehorn between the two leads is kind of an inert afterthought. If they remade it today, they would be enemies to friends to lovers. Has anyone read a Clexa Cadet Kelly AU? If not, is that something you guys would be interested in? I don't know if I would make it ABO, and to be honest, I wouldn't start it until this was done. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you guys for reading, as always, drop a comment if you have feedback or want to send some love!
> 
> All the best,
> 
> Biphi


	24. Ghosts of the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A meeting with the Skaikru leadership hammers out some details. Lexa and Clarke share a tender moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> I know it's been longer than a week, but I am in the process of moving and also the final season of She-Ra came out so I was a bit distracted. 
> 
> Also, this fic has over 1000 kudos, that's crazy! Thank you so much for all of the love for this fic, guys it really means a lot to me. 
> 
> This chapter is all about intimacy (note: that doesn't mean sexual intimacy). I hope you guys enjoy this one!

**Lexa**

**Five Days Until the Hearing**

Just as the sun was starting to hide behind the trees, Lexa and a newly clothed Clarke walked back over to the Council Chambers they were in just yesterday. Only this time they were joined by Abby, Kane, Sinclair, Raven, Monty, and Bellamy. It felt appropriate to bring in the other leaders of _Skaikru_. Hopefully, it would strengthen the agreements they made by assuring the people that multiple perspectives were taken into account. Unfortunately, that meant listening to everyone’s opinions. It’s not like Lexa wasn’t used to this, she had meetings with ambassadors from all of the clans with their own opinions and agendas regularly. But despite their diversity in tradition, all clans followed a certain amount of hierarchy. Listening to every single perspective and everyone’s disapproval even after decisions were made was beginning to grate on Lexa’s patience. It had been a long day, and her stomach felt like it was in knots. Throughout the entire meeting, she felt a strange fluttering which made her just want to lie down in the arms of her alpha. 

After her discussion with Indra last night, Lexa knew how much _Trikru_ would be able to offer. Knowing that their negotiations could decide the fate of _Skaikru_ , she knew she had leverage. In addition to the food and supplies from Polis and local _Trikru_ villages would provide, representatives from each clan would stay with _Skaikru._ They would stay within the walls of Arkadia to teach them broadly how to survive on the ground. This included how to hunt effectively without depleting the local forests. How to best store the animals they killed and how to make blankets and coats out of the fur that could last the winter. Lexa knew that she could have just sent in _Trikru_ , but she felt that it was necessary for the people of _Skaikru_ to get facetime with people from all clans. 

In exchange, Abby and the other healers of _Skaikru_ will open up the Med bay to healers from all clans to teach and exchange medical knowledge. Just as members from all clans would be coming to _Skaikru_ this fall, members of _Skaikru_ would go to each of the clans in the spring to use their knowledge and technology to improve harvests. Kane was thrilled by the potential exchange of knowledge. Lexa herself was cautiously optimistic that the trade of ideas would strengthen ties between the other clans and _Skaikru_ better than any single trade agreement could. Raven brought up a fascinating idea of scouting what used to be hospitals of the old world for technology that if still functional, could be distributed throughout the Coalition.

Lexa recalled the amazement she felt at seeing the images of her son on a screen. Lexa knew she was probably the first grounder to have that privilege, but she certainly hoped she wouldn’t be the last. After Raven had animatedly described her plan, Lexa couldn’t help the small smile she exchanged with Clarke, sitting on her left in the same chair she sat in yesterday. 

“Raven, that’s a very intriguing plan. It has been over three hundred years since any of the technology in those buildings has been used, but I am sure that there are some in the more remote corners of the Coalition that haven’t been picked over for parts. While I don’t think that an expedition to find those resources is in anyone’s best interest at the moment, I do want to return to the subject in the springtime.”

Raven had a smirk on her face at least at first but, Lexa could tell that Raven was excited about the idea. By the time Lexa finished speaking, Raven had replaced her smirk with a full-blown smile. Unfortunately, Kane had to ruin it by bringing up another topic.

“All of these ideas are incredibly exciting, and should they all pan out, would reinforce the decision to join your Coalition.”

Kane paused, and Lexa nodded in encouragement for him to continue.

“Have you made a decision about the two hundred Trikru warriors still camped outside our walls.”

“I have.”

Kane’s eyebrows raised, “And?”

“After discussing it with Indra, we both feel that the warriors should return to their families.”

Kane’s face seemed to relax ten-fold. 

“Oh thank you, _Heda_ , I think that will go a long way for many of the people here.”

“However, that does bring up another matter that we need to discuss.” 

Lexa could tell that most of the people except for Clarke were holding their breath. 

“The four _Delphikru_ objectors have to stay.” 

Bellamy, who had been noticeably quiet throughout the meeting said, “And if we refuse?”

“I will be forced to tell the _Delphikru_ clan leader, _Onak_ , that because we could not find a suitable way for them to serve their five years of service, he will have to kill them. One of the objectors is his son, and while I know he will obey the law, he will know what forced his hand.” 

“What does spending five years living with us do for them?” Bellamy asked.

Just as she explained to Clarke, Lexa took the time to explain the Great Sacrifice to everyone around the table. 

“So it’s not that they are getting something out of helping you build this settlement. The five years they will spend here are how they will give back to the Coalition.”

Raven spoke first, “Will we be forced to participate in this Great Sacrifice?”

“Eventually, yes.”

Everyone started speaking at once, Bellamy was irritated, Raven had her arms crossed as she said something about how Lexa just wanted to control them. Clarke was trying to shout them all down. But Lexa just raised her hand and said, 

“ _Enough_.”

When everyone settled down, she said, “I don’t plan on asking anyone to leave and join the army today. I know that the most important thing for Arkadia to do to ensure its survival is to grow. And that means both physically as well as in numbers. You can’t do that if the people of childbearing age are killed off before they can produce the next generation.”

Lexa saw Clarke take a stiff breath in through her nose. _Of course, they had already started doing that._ Once again, her stomach fluttered. 

“Besides, how could I ask you to leave Arkadia to serve, when I have already agreed to let four people from a different _kru_ come here to serve out their five years doing things that your young people will already be expected to do?”

When no one answered, Lexa continued, “there will come a day, likely ten years from now, when I will require anyone who turns eighteen to serve. But rest assured you will have adequate time to prepare for that eventuality. Does that make sense?”

When Lexa got seven heads nodding at her she nodded back, “Then it’s settled. The four members of _Delphikru_ will come to the gate of Arkadia tomorrow, I expect you to show them hospitality. They can provide their own food, but if you feel that part of their service should be spent as members of the hunting parties, that is fine. I will leave what they do to serve at your discretion.”

Lexa made a point to make eye contact with everyone sitting around that table, saving Clarke for last. Clarke’s pupils had dilated, making it hard for Lexa to hold her gaze for too long. Somehow, Lexa ordering people around and using her diplomatic mind was turning her alpha on. Without any further comments, Lexa was ready to get out of this metal room. She was sure that the sun had long gone down, and she needed fresh air on her face. 

“If there is nothing else, I believe it’s time for me to return to my tent. I thank all of you for coming to this meeting in good faith and the details we discussed here all point to a better future for all of our people.” 

As Lexa stood up, everyone else did the same. Raven walked into Clarke’s space, giving her a big hug and whispering something into Clarke’s ear before she left with Monty and Sinclair. The three of them fell almost immediately into a deep discussion using words that Lexa did not recognize. Bellamy had gotten up and left before Raven had released Clarke from the hug. Clarke made eyes at Lexa before she ran after Bellamy. Clarke wanted to ask him first if he would want to come back with them to Polis. 

Which of course left Lexa with Kane and Abby as the three of them stood awkwardly in the council room. 

“Thank you, _Heda_ , for all of your consideration. I have every intention to integrate my people into the Coalition and with your support, I see no reason that we can’t thrive together.”

“Marcus, I am hopeful for the future. More importantly, I hope that I will be here to help you achieve that vision. But even if I am not, know that I will do everything in my power to secure that future even if I am not the one sitting on the throne.”

Kane extended his forearm out for her and she took it. When she released him from the hold, Lexa could tell that Kane was making eyes with Abby over her shoulder before he said,

“I am going to grab dinner, _Heda_ , you are more than welcome to join us.”

Lexa took a step to the side and shifted her body so she could see both Kane and Abby.

“I would like that, but Clarke and I already made plans to have dinner when we were back at camp.”

Kane nodded before saying, “I understand.”

Abby gave her a small smile before she reached out for Lexa’s shoulder, squeezing it. Lexa returned the smile before Abby followed Kane towards the door. As Lexa watched them leave the room, she felt that same fluttering in her stomach. If she wasn’t pregnant, she probably would have kept it to herself. But as things were, she couldn’t help the feeling that something wasn’t right.

“Wait. Abby, I have a quick thought about the medical exchange program that I would like to run by you.”

Still in the door frame, Abby held her gaze before she put her hand on the doorframe blocking Kane’s access to the door with her arm. Lexa watched as Abby turned back to Kane and said,

“I will meet you in the mess.”

Kane hesitated, exchanging looks with both women before he nodded and turned away from the door.

“I’ll see you there.”

Abby closed the door. As soon as they were alone, Lexa felt Abby’s hands on both of her shoulders.

“Is something wrong?”

Lexa furrowed her eyebrows and looked away.

“I don’t know. I have felt this strange fluttering in my stomach all day. At first, I chalked it up to the stress of the day but to be honest, that’s not what this feels like.”

Abby blinked a few times before she took a step back, a wistful look in her eyes.

“I think I know what this is, but I need to do a quick exam of your belly to make sure.”

Lexa nodded before she unbuckled the leather straps around her waist. She unzipped her jacket, exposing her tight shirt underneath. When she pulled up her shirt, Abby gently put both hands on her stomach.

“I’m sorry that my hands are cold.”

Lexa looked away as Abby went about her business. But before long, Abby grabbed one of Lexa’s hands and replaced her own with it.

“Lexa, that’s your son. The fluttering you feel is him moving around within your womb.”

Lexa didn’t know what to say. On the one hand, she was embarrassed that she thought something was wrong with the pup. But on the other, she felt an overwhelming sense of love for her son and knowing that he was growing strong enough for her to feel him made her heart glow with pride. She did her best to produce an answer.

“Oh, uh, so everything’s okay?”

Abby nodded, seemingly overcome with emotions of her own. They both stood that way for another moment before Abby pulled her hands away.

“It will feel more obviously like a kick farther along in your pregnancy. But for now, enjoy the fluttering.”

Abby beamed at her. The way she was looking at Lexa made her miss a woman she never knew. It’s not that Lexa hadn’t thought of Elia during her pregnancy, especially knowing that she was the reason her mother died. But this was the first time she mourned the chance to share this pregnancy with the woman who gave birth to her. Lexa took a reflexive step back before she pulled down her shirt and fastened everything else back up. Lexa turned the corners of her lips up in what she hoped resembled a smile before she said,

“I appreciate you assuaging my fears, Abby.”

“For you? For my grandson? This is nothing.”

Before things got too awkward, Lexa looked at the door before she looked back at Abby.

“I think I should find Clarke, she went to talk to Bellamy, and I want to make sure that they are both alive tomorrow morning, so if you don’t mind, I am just going to head out. Thanks again, Abby.”

Lexa walked around Abby, hoping that she couldn’t see the tears threatening to escape her eyes as she quickly closed the door behind her.

###

When Lexa and Clarke made it back to the _Trikru_ camp, they didn’t try to keep up too many pretenses. Clarke went back to her tent, but that was only to drop off her pack and grab her pajamas. While Clarke was gone, Lexa asked for two dinner plates to be brought to the tent. She found herself pacing as she waited for her love and her attendant to return with dinner. She hadn’t told Clarke about the pup’s latest development. She told herself that she wanted to wait until they were in private. But to be honest, she found herself overcome with nerves. After what happened with Abby, she didn’t want what should be an exciting moment ruined by her feelings of loss. Lexa hated this. She wasn’t used to the lack of control over her emotions. 

How could she mourn for someone she never truly met? 

It’s not like she knew this woman, that she could extrapolate how her mother would behave from their previously shared experiences. But that wasn’t entirely true. A part of her did know her mother. Commander Dax grew up with this woman, knew her heart, and mourned her loss. In the time since she saw Dax’s memory of speaking to her as a child, more of his life had become a presence during her meditation. From what Lexa had gathered, Elia had a beautiful spirit and a keen mind. And she was also terrified that Lexa would be born with the blood. 

What a strange feeling it was to know how fiercely she was loved by someone who was no more than a ghost in her own life. 

Clarke and the food had arrived at almost the same moment. Thankfully, the attendant gave Lexa the cover she needed to school her features. She hoped Clarke wouldn’t notice her nervous energy, as she thanked Barto before he bowed his head and left. Of course, that was just wishful thinking on her part.

Ever since Lexa had entered her second trimester, she was always hungry. Clarke had begun poking fun at her for it, and typically Lexa would just ignore it. Tonight though, Lexa had trouble rallying herself to eat. After about ten minutes of pushing her food around the plate, she felt Clarke’s gaze flit back and forth between her plate and Lexa.

“Lexa, is everything okay?”

Lexa looked back up at Clarke. All she saw on her face was concern. Lexa closed her eyes and breathed in a wave of soothing pheromones. The calm enveloped her, starting in her core and spreading out to the tips of her fingers and the shells of her ears. It gave her the courage to respond.

“Yeah, everything’s great, I just can’t seem to find an appetite tonight.”

Clarke arched her eyebrows like she had a smart-ass remark. But thankfully for her, Clarke kept it to herself. But then Clarke closed her eyes temporarily, taking in a few breaths before she put her silverware down and stood up. Slowly, she walked around the small dining table and crouched down next to Lexa’s chair. In a voice barely louder than a whisper, she said,

“Lex, you can put up this front with almost anyone else, but I know you, and I can feel in my bones when something is bothering you. Now, you don’t have to tell me what it is if you aren’t ready, but I want you to know that I am here for you when you are.”

_Well shit, now what I am supposed to do?_ Only Clarke could find a way to corner her but do it in the most tender way. And of course, just like his sire with the most inconvenient timing, Lexa felt the fluttering in her belly that she had been feeling on-and-off. Clarke reached for one of her hands and this time in an actual whisper said, 

“Please lower your walls, _ai hodnes_.”

Lexa released the breath she didn’t realize she was holding and turned her chair so that she was facing Clarke. She entwined both of her hands with Clarke’s and tried her best to give Clarke a small smile. She wasn’t exactly sure what she expected to find in Clarke’s gaze but all she saw in Clarke’s eyes was patience and love reflected at her. 

“After you left to speak to Bellamy, I was talking to your mother about the pup.”

Lexa felt Clarke massaging the back of her hands. 

“And she was just so excited, and I just couldn’t help but think about my mother and how much I wish she was here. I know that sounds silly, especially because had she still been alive, she likely would have left Polis with Ezra and my sire so I wouldn’t have known her anyway. But for some reason, the image of her being here, celebrating the milestones with me, just wormed its way into my brain.”

Clarke got out of her crouch and rose to wrap her arms around Lexa. At first, Lexa felt stiff, even in the arms of her love. But when Clarke didn’t go anywhere, just continuing to stay and be present with her, Lexa eventually relaxed into her arms. The tears that she was able to push back down earlier refused to hide this time, as they soaked Clarke’s jacket sleeve.

In between tears and gasps, Lexa stuttered out, “I just feel so stupid for mourning someone whom I never knew.”

Clarke loosened the hug and put enough distance between their faces until Lexa could see her face.

“That’s not stupid. Lex, it’s okay to miss her. It’s okay to wish she was here. All of this is so new and exciting and incredibly terrifying. And that’s just the pregnancy, let alone all of this other bullshit that we have to worry about.”

When Clarke reached out to wipe the fresh tears off of her face, Lexa closed her eyes. This pup might get her killed, it might make her lose her command, but feeling the love and support radiating off of the woman standing in front of her made her incredibly thankful for the day that Clarke strut into her tent all of those months ago. 

“You want to know the worst part? I know that as much as I miss her, I am the reason that she is dead.”

“Lex, there are so many reasons why people die giving birth. Even amongst all of the technology of the Arc, there were situations when omegas died giving birth. But know this,”

Lexa felt Clarke's fingers underneath her chin, angling her face upwards.

“Her death was not your fault. It’s really important for our future and our son’s future that you accept that.”

Clarke kissed Lexa’s forehead before she said, “And if you need me to remind you of that every day until our son is born, I will.”

Lexa took in a shuttering breath before she gave a slight nod. She stood up from her chair and put her hands around Clarke’s neck and Clarke put her hands around her waist. They brought their foreheads together and just basked in each other’s presence, no need to put words in between them.

After a few minutes, Clarke whispered,

“I am going to ask someone to take these plates away, and then,” Clarke kissed her forehead, “we can get ready for bed.”

Lexa nodded before she brought her arms down from Clarke’s neck and walked over to the trunk that contained her clothes. After stripping out of her armor and the rest of the day's clothes, Lexa opted for the same nightgown she wore after the challenge. As the silky fabric slid over the skin around her navel, the fluttering returned. _I guess you aren’t going to let me forget about you._ Lexa thought to herself. Not that she really could at this point. During their checkup yesterday, Abby explained to her that when she was at twenty weeks, the top of her womb would be at her navel. But she already felt like she was beginning to give herself away. Lexa had a few more tricks up her sleeve to get through the Ascension Council hearing. She just hoped they would still work by the time she got back. 

Lexa felt Clarke press up against her back and strong arms wrap around her shoulders. She felt the texture of Clarke’s t-shirt softly rubbing against her back. She leaned her head back and rested it against the left side of Clarke’s face. She couldn’t help the satisfied hum that came out of her mouth from being so close to her alpha. Clarke dropped her hands to Lexa’s sides, stroking up as far as her fifth rib and down to just above her pelvis. 

“What are you thinking about?” Clarke asked.

Not wanting to darken the mood, Lexa decided that bringing up the Ascension Council wasn’t the best idea. And when she felt that increasingly familiar flutter, she knew she had to tell Clarke.

“I want to show you something.”

“Yeah?” Lexa could hear the amusement in Clarke’s voice.

Lexa turned around to face Clarke. Without giving Clarke much of an explanation, Lexa grabbed Clarke’s left hand and brought it to her lower right belly, in between the bony part of her pelvis that stuck out when she laid down, and her navel. With her right hand laying over Clarke’s left, they waited. And waited. Naturally, he had been moving for hours, freaking Lexa out that something was wrong and the minute she wanted him to move, he decided to stop. If she wasn’t convinced that this pup was Clarke’s before, she was now. 

Clarke’s initial amusement had morphed into confusion the longer they remained in that position. Lexa was about to give up and tell Clarke that they should just go to bed when,

“Woah, what was that?”

Clarke had reflexively whipped her hand away at first before bringing her hand back. When Lexa felt the fluttering again, she saw wonder and awe across Clarke’s face.

“So remember when I said earlier that I was talking to Abby about the pup?”

When Clarke nodded, Lexa continued, “Well I started feeling this strange fluttering off-and-on sometime after you had been moved to the hospital room. I didn’t think too much of it until it didn’t stop throughout the meeting. As soon as it was just Abby in the room, she explained that,”

Lexa couldn’t help the smile she felt herself make as she recounted what Abby had told her.

“I was feeling the pup move.”

Lexa could see Clarke’s gaze shift back and forth between where her hand was and Lexa’s face. Clarke smiled from ear to ear. Clarke’s eyebrows raised as he began kicking again.

“Lex, this is,” Clarke’s eyes began to water, and she took in a shuttering breath, “amazing. You are amazing.”

Eventually, their son took a break. Clarke interlaced their hands and brought them to her mouth to kiss. Clarke pulled Lexa in close before kissing her quickly on the lips.

“Can I put lotion on your skin again tonight?”

Lexa knew that it was just an excuse to see most of her body naked, seeing as the only way for her to expose her belly was to bring the nightgown up. But despite all of the craziness of the day, she had to admit her skin was significantly less itchy after Clarke had used the moisturizer last night, so she just nodded and let Clarke lead her to the bed.

As soon as they reached the bed, Clarke whispered in her ear, "lay down for me while I go get the moisturizer bottle from my jacket."

Lexa crawled on top of the bed, before hiking her nightgown up to just below her chest. She put her left hand under her head and her right just below her sternum, holding the fabric up. Her bandage was still wrapped tightly around her right arm. She couldn’t help the shiver that went through her body at the sudden lack of coverage during a particularly chilly fall night. She could feel the goosebumps form on the skin of her belly. Before too long, Clarke had returned with a tender smile on her face.

Lexa recognized the moment when Clarke's attention got brought down to her fully exposed sex as Clarke’s eyes dilated and her nose flared as she inhaled the scent. Lexa couldn’t help the smug feeling she felt knowing that she could bring out Clarke’s arousal this quickly, but she needed her alpha to focus. If they weren’t careful, Lexa would fall asleep before Clarke had made any headway with the moisturizer application.

“Easy there, alpha, let’s focus on one thing at a time.”

Clarke closed her eyes for a brief second before giving Lexa an “uh-huh” and bringing her eyes back up to Lexa’s belly. Lexa watched as Clarke brought all of her attention to the bottle of moisturizer. She knew that this was becoming harder for Clarke than she had anticipated. As Lexa intended to give Clarke some more snark, a huge yawn came out instead. Clarke’s gaze went up to Lexa’s eyes and Lexa could not help the blush that she felt arise on her cheeks.

But while Clarke could have used the opportunity to give Lexa some of her sass, instead, she curled one of Lexa’s loose hairs behind her ear and said,

“I promise I will do this quickly so we both can get some much-needed sleep.”

Lexa gave her a nod and Clarke squirted a glob of the moisturizer on her left hand. While the moisturizer was cold to the touch, Clarke’s hands were warm, and it felt like she was rubbing the goosebumps away. Instead of starting in the center and going out like last time, Clarke started on the side furthest away from her. Clarke finished by applying moisturizer to Lexa’s lower right abdomen, taking extra time, no doubt because it was the pup’s favorite place to kick. Lexa could hear Clarke chuckle a few times when she felt the fluttering against her hands.

When Clarke was done, she walked away, and Lexa remained in the same position to give her skin some time to dry. When Clarke returned, she climbed on to the other side of the bed, but she remained parallel with the foot of the bed, as she placed a kiss on Lexa’s now dry skin.

“Is it okay if I rest my head here for a little while?”

Lexa was about to say that she really just wanted to go to sleep, but Clarke’s eyes had this earnest look to them that made it impossible for her to say no. When she nodded, Clarke rested her ear against Lexa’s skin. They held each other’s gaze as their son decided it was time to put on a show. He seemed particularly responsive to Clarke’s voice. Lexa began to stroke Clarke’s hair while her love started to purr. Before too long, Lexa got pulled into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always guys, thank you so much for reading, if you have any feedback, don't hesitate to hit me up in the comments!
> 
> I promise this fic will start to move faster, starting next chapter. I know three chapters for 24 hours has made the suspense about the hearing difficult. 
> 
> Also thanks guys for all the feedback last chapter about my next fic idea.


	25. The Undefined Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Co. make the journey back to Polis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday Everybody!
> 
> We are going to be setting a few things up this chapter. I also hammered out a few things on my outline that have me super psyched to share them with you all in the coming chapters. 
> 
> As always, guys thank so much for reading, and I wish you guys a great rest of your week!

**Clarke**

**Four Days Until the Hearing**

As much as riding wasn’t Clarke’s favorite activity, it felt good to get back on the road. It had only been a few days, but she was surprised by how much she missed Polis. And after this morning, she was ready to put as much distance between herself and Arkadia as she could. The execution of Pike felt all too similar to the death of Finn. Pike was tied to a metal pole with his hands above his head. The swelling from yesterday’s beating had gone down, but the left side of his face was covered in bruises. But unlike Finn, Pike’s expression was defiant. Knowing that death by a thousand cuts likely would not help Lexa gain any points with members of _Skaikru_ , she opted for a precise slash to the throat. After a couple of minutes, Abby examined the body to confirm it was over. 

All that was left were the goodbyes. Her mother gave her a big hug and asked her to promise to return at least once before the pup had arrived. Clarke had to keep herself from rolling her eyes. She just gave her mother a tight nod before she said,

“I’ll try, knowing this one over here,” she made a small nod towards Lexa, “making any kind of promises about where we will be would be foolish.”

Abby pursed her lips, before averting her gaze as she wiped tears away from her eyes,

“Just don’t be a stranger, okay?”

Clarke hoped that after the time they had spent together over the last few days that things would have been better between them. They did achieve a semblance of normalcy, at least on the surface. Her mother poking fun at her made her feel like she was back on the Arc. Between that and knowing how patient Abby had been with Lexa bridged some of the distance between them. But Clarke had to admit that it was naïve of her to think that would be enough to forgive everything that had happened. Her feelings towards her mother were still so incredibly complicated.

Part of her wanted more than anything to assuage her mother’s concerns and to return to the devoted daughter that she knew her mother needed. But she caught her eyes drifting towards her father’s wedding ring hanging around her mother's neck, a formal commitment to the mating marks they eventually exchanged. She felt a pang of grief swath over her entire body, making it hard to breathe momentarily. Aware that her mother was watching her, she did her best to swallow it back down before she said,

“I will do what I can,” she looked into her mother’s eyes and she sighed. She saw all of the grief, shame, and love that neither of them felt capable of articulating to one another. Clarke forced a smile before saying,

“May we meet again.”

“May we meet again.”

Clarke did a quick sweep of the area surrounding the gate. Kane had guards keeping leering eyes from getting too close. But Clarke couldn’t see the one person she needed to see one last time. Before she could be too hurt, Raven pushed through the gathered crowd carrying a long-range radio and a solar charger for the batteries.

Clarke told the guards, “Let her pass.”

Raven hobbled over toward where she was standing with her mother and Lexa. But Clarke met her halfway. Raven looked at her gratefully before she handed Clarke the radio.

“Just so that we can keep in contact.”

Clarke couldn’t help the smile that broke out on her face. She owed her life to the mechanic several times over. But more than that, Raven had become her most trusted ally and best friend.

Raven gave her a big hug before she whispered, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Clarke laughed, “I think that gives me some serious discretion.”

Raven rolled her eyes before she said, “be safe, I’m serious.”

“I will miss you too, Reyes.”

Clarke wasn’t surprised that neither Lincoln nor Octavia showed up to say goodbye. It had been less than two days since his rut started. But arrangements were made for Lincoln and Octavia to meet them in Polis once his rut was over. One of Bellamy’s conditions for joining them in Polis was that Octavia could come to the city too. Which meant that Lincoln was coming too. His other condition was to be on the team responsible for finding Echo. Unfortunately for him, the spy was captured before they left for Arkadia. Bellamy didn’t say anything after Clarke broke the news, he just nodded before he looked away. But this morning, he showed up at the gate with Kane and a pack across his back.

The rhythm of movement of the horse’s muscles under her brought Clarke back to the present. The team that was going home was largely identical to the one that came with them out to Arkadia. Ezra always hypervigilant, leading the team of twenty-five warriors that surrounded Lexa, Clarke, Bellamy, and Kane. Of course, they didn’t have the body of a jealous old Ice Queen to haul around anymore. And this time they left early enough in the day that they didn’t have to push their horses to exhaustion. They would probably make it back into Polis just after the sun went down.

Clarke was looking forward to sleeping in a comfortable bed that night. Lexa’s tent had a bed if you could call it that, but from what Clarke understood, it was designed for its portability over its comfort. Despite the lack of funny business the night before, Clarke woke up feeling exhausted, as if she got trampled by a horse or something. Abby compared the sensation after a blood rage to what happens after a seizure. It feels like your body has been through a marathon. Clarke could attest that her mother wasn’t exaggerating. Even worse, Clarke knew that she and Lexa never had that talk about what happened.

Clarke wasn’t exactly complaining. Of course, when she saw how distraught Lexa was when she returned to her tent for the night, Clarke’s number one priority was being there for Lexa in any way that she could. But if Clarke was honest with herself, she was all too happy to forestall that conversation for now. If their conversation grew tense, she was nervous about what she might say to Lexa. While her blood rage might have been triggered by the imminent danger Lexa put herself in yesterday, it was only afterward with some much-needed reflection, that Clarke realized she still had some unresolved feelings about some of Lexa’s reckless choices recently. Including her meeting with Pike, but also the choice to face Roan in _solo gonplei_. 

On the one hand, Clarke knew that Lexa felt that it had to be done, that she had to defend her honor and her right to command. But on the other, Clarke still couldn’t truly understand how Lexa could be so cavalier with their pup’s life. Doesn’t he matter enough for Lexa to give herself pause to at least consider the consequences of her actions? And what of Lexa’s own life? Did she not realize how much she mattered to Clarke? In a time even before the bombs, alphas used to demand complete obedience from their omegas. It was true, alphas had dominant natures, and omegas tended to have more submissive ones, but omegas had the right to their autonomy. But Clarke still felt like she was failing her omega every time Lexa went out and got herself hurt. It left her inner alpha reeling that she hadn’t done more to prevent Lexa from seeing Pike alone. 

Clarke knew that part of her anxiety stemmed from their lack of a mating bond. Thinking back to yesterday, when Clarke felt her fangs drop, it took every ounce of concentration that she had not to claim. In the craziness since Lexa brought Clarke to Polis, they hadn’t had a chance to fully discuss mating marks aside from a brief mention of it here and there. But all of those conversations ended in something about it not being the right time. Clarke wasn’t stupid, if anyone, including Titus, discovered that Lexa had been claimed, it could cause an uproar. Many would point to that decision as proof that Lexa was no more than a submissive omega looking for an alpha to obey and to satisfy her needs. It could completely derail everything that Lexa had been working towards. Knowing this didn’t make Clarke’s alpha berate her any less for repeatedly refusing to mark Lexa as her own.

Being on edge about their lack of mating marks wasn’t just to prop up her own ego. There were risks involved with being pregnant as an unmated omega. Particularly as the pregnancy starts to show. Pregnancy signals to unmated alphas that an omega is fertile. While most alphas can control themselves most of the time, if the omega is unmated and vulnerable, an alpha, most likely in rut, can try to force a miscarriage to allow themselves to pass on their genes. An alpha could do this by claiming the omega. When an omega has a bite from one alpha and is pregnant with another alpha’s pup, the omega’s body could reject the pup. Unless the bite is reciprocated, the mating bond isn’t complete and would eventually fade, but at that point, the damage is already done. This was also one of the many reasons why pregnancies were so tightly regulated on the Ark.

Factoring in Lexa’s position, and the twelve clan leaders vying for control, all it would take is one of them, or even an agent, to get too close, and the love they shared all those months ago would be gone. Despite the horror of this outcome, Clarke would never force herself on Lexa to avoid it. She wasn’t sure what the laws were in the Coalition, but claiming someone without their consent was a guaranteed way to get floated back on the Ark. That type of violation made Clarke nauseous just thinking about it. And as close as they already were, a mating bond irrevocably altered a person’s physiology. After the hastily performed blood bond that Clarke formed with Octavia, she knew that connecting herself to another person would forever change who she was. And a blood bond paled in comparison to the depth of connection one shared with another person after a mating bond. All the same, if Lexa asked Clarke if she wanted to mate, Clarke wouldn’t hesitate. All she saw when she looked at Lexa was her future and the thing that kept her going every day. 

Amid this reflection, Clarke hadn’t realized that Lexa had brought her horse over to match strides with her own. When she looked at her love, she realized that Lexa had been studying her. Clarke couldn’t help but flash Lexa a smile, one she hoped would hide the storm that had been clouding her mind. In the midst of all of the people around them, a blush crept over Lexa’s skin that started at her neck and reached the tips of her ears. And just like that, Clarke felt as though the sun itself had doused her troubled mind in a glow that made her smile even broader until her cheeks hurt. _My God, the power this woman has over me._

###

After a brief water break for the horses, they continued their journey. Ezra took the opportunity to pull his horse next to Lexa’s, leaving space on the trail next to Clarke. Her time to herself was interrupted when Kane pulled his horse beside her. Clarke had a feeling he was going to try to talk to her and that it would involve bringing up her mother. Clarke continued to look straight ahead as she felt Kane’s gaze directed at her.

“I just wanted to check how you were feeling after the incident with Pike.”

Clarke continued looking forward.

“To be honest, I don’t want to talk about it with you right now.”

“I understand, I am not trying to pry, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Clarke shifted her head slightly to the left so she could see his face but not enough that he would think she wanted to fully engage in a conversation.

“It doesn’t have to be with me, but I hope you can talk to someone about it.”

Clarke closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She liked Kane. Despite his mistakes in the past, Clarke was able to look beyond that to what he was doing now. But that didn’t mean that she wanted to confide in him. When Clarke opened her eyes she saw in her peripheral vision that Kane has shifted his gaze forward. Good. Hopefully, he got the message.

“You know, we were worried about your mother back on the Ark.”

It took Clarke a few seconds to realize what he meant. But when she realized that he was implying that floating her father could have triggered her mother’s blood rage, Clarke felt herself seething. She turned to look at him directly.

“Oh, you mean when you decided to float my father?”

Kane turned his face to look her in the eyes before he nodded.

“Kane, what about that is supposed to make me feel better?”

Kane softened his expression, “Your mother loved Jake very much, we knew that losing him would have been devastating, enough to trigger a blood rage.”

“Except it couldn’t have happened to her because she knew his death was coming.”

“After Jake was floated and Jaha had me arrest you, your mother had to be sedated.”

Clarke looked away from Kane.

“She knew the risks of coming forward,” Clarke stated.

“And she made that sacrifice knowing that she was doing everything she could to save her people.” Kane’s tone was firm but nonconfrontational.

Clarke turned her head to face him.

“Why are you bringing this up now?”

Kane took a deep breath, “I’m telling you this so you can hopefully understand your mother better and perhaps one day, forgive her and yourself for what happened to your father. I know you have taken great strides towards that already, but I just want you to keep that in mind. I also caution you to learn from her mistakes.”

Kane had a faraway look in his eyes when he said, “Her attempt to intervene, no matter how noble, had devastating consequences for the people she loves.”

Clarke looked down at her hands gripping the reigns. Clarke wasn’t sure if they were still talking about Abby, or if Kane was referring to his own sins. Regardless, it’s not that she couldn’t understand where Kane was coming from, but none of this understanding brought her dad back. Kane brought her out if her thoughts.

“You and your mother aren’t so different.”

Clarke followed Kane’s line of sight to Lexa who was laughing at something Ezra said. It was so rare to hear the musical sound of Lexa’s laugh, it made Clarke’s core feel warm and brought a smile to her face. When she realized that Kane has been studying her, she wiped the smile off her face before she said,

“I appreciate what you are trying to do here Kane, but I think you should leave my complicated relationship with me and my sire out of this visit.”

Resigned, Kane took a deep breath before he brought his gaze forward.

After about a minute, Clarke said, “For what it’s worth, I’m glad she has you in her life, if anything, to say the things her pride and her shame prevent her from expressing.”

“Just not about her relationship with you, I gather?”

Kane had turned his face back towards Clarke, with an eyebrow raised.

“Exactly,” Clarke flashed him a smirk before she faced forward, hoping to bring the conversation to a close.

###

After the sun had gone behind the trees, Ezra maneuvered his horse to the front of the group. Judging by how wide the trail was, they must have been getting close to the city. Seizing the opportunity, Clarke hustled her horse so that she could be side by side with Lexa. It had only been a couple of hours and they were always within each other’s line of sight, but it still felt strange that they had spent this much time apart. 

When Lexa turned her head and saw that it was Clarke pulling in line to be with her, Clarke could see the relief on Lexa’s face. Clarke couldn’t help but smirk.

“Worried it was someone else?”

Lexa’s eyebrows were drawn into a straight line, “Let’s just say, I was worried that Marcus was coming to ask some more questions about _Trikru_ customs for the third time.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow, “Aren’t you the one who said that the exchange of knowledge would bring our two cultures together?”

All at once, Lexa schooled her features before she said in the driest tone that Clarke had ever heard, “Just for that, I’m withholding sex for a week.”

At first, she thought Lexa was joking, but when she didn’t break, Clarke found her eyebrows knitting together,

“Wait, are you serious?” Clarke tried her best to keep the panic out of her voice.

“Because if you are, I–”

When Lexa started snickering, Clarke started shaking her head, “Ha-ha, very funny.”

Barely keeping the smugness out of her voice, Lexa said, “I thought it was hilarious.”

Speaking of jokes, that reminded Clarke of something she wanted to ask Lexa about.

“I see you’ve been finding all kinds of things amusing today, what did Ezra have to say that was so funny if you don’t mind me asking.”

Lexa raised an eyebrow and asked playfully, “Were you listening in on my conversation with my brother?”

“I didn’t need to. When you laughed, the entire convoy could hear it.”

That brought a blush to Lexa’s cheeks. She looked away briefly, composing herself before she turned back to Clarke. 

“Ezra was reminding me of a time when I had just recently joined the alpha _natblidas_. One of the older alphas, Rios, saw a small scrawny girl that he assumed could be put in her place. Unlike most of the other _natblidas_ , I always wore jackets, even when training, for obvious reasons. And he always tried to get me to take it off. Once he cut right through the fabric.”

“I’m confused, what part of this story is funny?”

Clarke could feel Lexa’s eye-roll in the tone of her voice. 

“ _Klark_ , can you leave your comments to the end of the story?”

“I’m sorry, please continue.”

“Anyway, when I told Ezra about what Rios had been doing, he convinced me that we should find a way to get back at him. So he went to the kitchen floor in the Tower and convinced the staff to give him a bucket of cooking grease and a bucket of chicken feathers. Then he rigged it so that when Rios opened the door to his bedroom that morning, he got covered in grease and feathers.” 

Lexa was smiling at the memory. 

“When Rios went to Commander Dax to get me in trouble, Dax pulled me aside. When I explained why I did it, not wanting to get Ezra involved, I told him that did the whole thing. At first, I was worried that I would be punished, but instead, Dax started laughing before he said, ‘hopefully that _branwada_ learned not to mess with you.’”

Clarke couldn’t help but laugh at that last part. It was also nice to know that not all of Lexa’s childhood was training and fear of getting caught. She largely had Ezra to thank for that.

“Did he ever give you a hard time about your jackets?”

“Nope. Never again.”

“So, is Ezra still in the business of pulling off pranks?”

“You worried about a little cooking grease and feathers, Clarke?”

“Me?” Clarke huffed, “Absolutely not.”

She winked at Lexa. Clarke watched as Lexa had her attention pulled forward where she could see Ezra on his tall warhorse scanning the trail.

“He hasn’t pulled too many pranks since then. Unfortunately, our situation has turned him into a serious man.” Lexa paused, “But all it takes is a good idea and an excuse to pull it off, and maybe his inner prankster will show itself again.”

“I’m curious, what made him bring up the prank in the first place?”

Lexa had a faraway look in her eyes before she brought her attention back to Clarke, 

“Oh uh, I was talking to him about Aden, one of the _natblidas._ He just presented as an alpha a couple of weeks ago. I was expressing my concerns about how the other alpha _natblidas_ would treat him. But Ezra was quick to point out that even if they didn’t, he was sure that Aden would come up with a way to assert himself eventually.” 

“It sounds like Aden is someone you care a lot about.”

Clarke watched as a smile broke out on Lexa’s face, the crinkles appearing near her eyes. 

“I just think that Aden is really special and would make a great leader for our people.” 

“Sounds like you have a favorite.”

Lexa wiped the smile off of her face, “What? No, favoritism is strictly forbidden amongst the novitiates.”

Clarke released some soothing pheromones before she said, “Lex, relax, I am not planning on telling anybody.” 

Lexa nodded soberly before she said, “Of course, I have mixed feelings about the whole thing, because as proud of him as I am, he’s also the youngest alpha _natblida,_ putting him at a disadvantage should anything happen to me in the near future.” 

Clarke felt her hands flex, as every instinct was telling her to reach out for one of Lexa’s hands. But she reminded herself that they weren’t alone, and public displays of affection would look bad should anyone see them. She settled for a few quiet words.

“Well, it’s a good thing nothing is going to happen to you any time soon.” Clarke flashed her a small smile.

Lexa turned her head to face her, “I hope so.”

Clarke wanted more than anything to believe that was true, but it was hard to tell if Lexa was preparing for a bad outcome because she felt it was inevitable, or if that’s just what she felt she always had to do. Clarke’s feelings about Lexa’s willingness to put herself in harm’s way aside, she hoped Lexa felt that all of the risks she took were for more than just the future of their people, but for her own future too. She didn’t think she was prepared for what was to come without knowing the truth.

Before Clarke’s concerns could haunt her any further, the flame that burned on top of the tower came into view. This was it. They were home. Whether they were ready or not, reality was about to come crashing down on the beautiful world that Clarke and Lexa held between each other. As much as she couldn’t wait to leave Arkadia, the road ahead felt so undefined and vast that Clarke knew if she didn’t focus on putting one foot in front of the other, she could get swallowed up by her fears.

For all that she had lost and sacrificed to get to where she was, Clarke refused to let that outcome occur. As the trees continued to thin out and more of the city came into view, Clarke focused on the outline of the folded photos of her son pressing against her chest from the inside pocket of her jacket. If she could let him be her guiding light, she just might be able to pull through this. If anything, the fear of losing him gave her no other choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know that was probably grimmer than most of you were expecting. Particularly the ending. It might seem like Clarke is mad at Lexa, but I think it's more complicated than that. Lexa winning the challenge doesn't negate the risk she took with her own life or the pain she put Clarke through. If anything, her actions with Pike reopen that wound. All of that aside, Clarke's still madly in love with her, so we are just going to let that simmer. 
> 
> If the inducing miscarriage thing sounds horrible I was a little shocked at the idea when I came up with it myself, which meant it had to go in, if anything, to reinforce the difficult position that Clarke is in at the moment.
> 
> We are slowing climbing up that roller coaster guys! While we travel upwards, I plan on doing some more character work, but I promise, we are almost at that point when the ride hovers over the huge hill before things start to go batshit crazy. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you so so so much for reading, please drop me a comment if you feel so inclined. If anyone has questions or needs things cleared up, please let me know. 
> 
> Stay safe everyone,
> 
> Biphi


	26. Every Scenario

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa catches up with her team in the Tower. She and Titus have some real talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> We are getting so close! This chapter went in a direction I wasn't expecting (you'll know it when you see it). 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading!

**Lexa**

**Three Days Until the Hearing**

Lexa woke up with her face buried in a pillow that smelled like sunshine, saltwater, and metal. She couldn’t help but reach over to where her alpha was sleeping. When they got back up to the Tower, Lexa spent a few minutes making sure that there was nothing urgent that she needed to attend to before ensuring that Kane and Bellamy were given comfortable accommodations. By the time she went to her chambers, Clarke was already asleep in her bed. But it seemed that she didn’t stay that way. When Lexa reached to the other side of the bed, she realized that Clarke wasn’t there, not anymore at least. Upon further inspection, Lexa found a note on the side table next to her bed. When she opened the piece of paper, it said,

_My love,_

_I am sorry to have abandoned you so early this morning, but I couldn’t allow my presence in your room to give us away. I promised Bellamy that I would give him a tour of the Tower and show him parts of the city before taking him to the sparring pits. Should you need me for anything at all, send me a message and I will drop everything to find you. I hope you have a wonderful morning._

_All my love,_

_C_

Lexa read the note four times through to make sure she understood what she was reading. Clarke was gone. Clarke, the one who practically dragged her back to bed the last time they slept in one in this Tower, left before the sun had properly made an appearance. Lexa had a feeling that something was on Clarke’s mind during their voyage back to Polis yesterday but figured that on the road with ears everywhere wasn’t the best place for them to have a discussion.

Lexa folded the note before walking to the fireplace close to her bed. The fire had long since died down from the previous night, but Lexa crumpled the note into a ball before wedging it in between two hot coals. She loved the look of Clarke’s handwriting, but Lexa knew that keeping any evidence of their relationship would be foolish. With a little help from an air bellow, Lexa was able to breathe life back into the dying embers. She stood in front of the fireplace as the parchment went from ivory to black.

Lexa shivered in her thin nightgown. It was a cold fall morning, and she couldn’t help but feel Clarke’s absence more acutely because of it. She reached into one of her closets bordering the wall for a fur-lined robe. As soon as she tied it off, she heard a knock at the door.

When Lexa called ‘come in’ at the door, Lexa relaxed as soon as she saw who it was. Meela walked into the room with a tray full of food. She had her raven-colored hair up in a tight bun. Her amber eyes shown as she broke out into a smile. 

“ _Heda_ ”

“Meela, since when do you use such formalities when it is only the two of us?” 

“Well, to be honest, _Leksa_ ,” Meela arched one of her eyebrows, “I wasn’t sure it was just going to be the two of us.”

“Clarke and I are more careful than that,” Lexa stated coolly, hoping Meela would buy it. 

“Uh-huh”

Meela didn’t say anything else before she placed Lexa’s tray on the table. As Lexa walked over to her, Meela’s face softened, 

“How is our _strikon_ (little one) this morning?”

Lexa reflexively placed a hand on her belly. She couldn’t help the smile that broke out on her face before she met Meela’s eyes. 

“Oh, he’s doing well, he started kicking the other day and hasn’t stopped. He–”

“–I’m sorry, I don’t mean to cut you off, but it’s a he now. How do you know?”

Lexa’s eyes widened as she said, “I have something to show you!”

Lexa ran to one of the bags she brought with her to Arkadia. Inside a hidden compartment was her set of folded photos. She took them out and walked back over to Meela, standing with her hands on her hips and an eyebrow arched. With the photos still folded, Lexa had them flat against her chest. When she approached the table, she exposed what was on them so Meela could see.

“ _Skaikru_ has a machine that allows them to see things inside the body without harming the person. Their doctor was able to generate these pictures. And we found out it’s a boy.” 

Meela hesitantly took the glossy images that Lexa held out to her. Lexa observed Meela as she silently studied the photos. 

“Do you–Do you see him?” Lexa pointed to a spot on the first photo. “That’s his nose, and his head.”

Meela placed one of her hands on her chest before she looked back at Lexa. 

“I always knew that you were meant to do great things, _Leksa_. But allying with these people, integrating them into our Coalition. This is why it has to be you. Never in my wildest dreams did I think anything like this was possible.” 

Meela went back to looking at the photos.

“ _Em ste meizen._ ” (He is beautiful)

Lexa watched as Meela used her free hand to wipe tears out of her eyes. 

“I hope someday to read him stories to teach him English while he sits in my lap, just like I did with you.”

Lexa smiled, “Of course, I’d expect nothing less.”

Meela smiled back at her before she folded up the photos and tenderly placed them back in Lexa’s hand. Meela squeezed her shoulder before she said, 

“Now, before someone whom we don’t want to stumbles across them, hide those away, and then eat. It’s good for you and the pup.”

Lexa nodded before she walked back to her bag hidden away in a different closet on the far wall. Meela had already put distance between herself and the table by the time Lexa had returned. 

“I will go through your dirty clothes after you leave to have your briefing with the _Fleimkeppa_.”

Lexa nodded, “Thank you, Meela, for everything.”

Before Meela reached for the door handle, she said, “It has always been an honor to serve you, _Heda_.”

Meela left the room, and Lexa turned her attention to the food in front of her. The hot oats were probably colder than they had been intended to be but sharing the photos with Meela was worth it. Despite the persistent cooler air, Lexa felt a little warmer. 

###

After breakfast, like so many days before this one, Lexa put on her clothes, including her jacket and light armor, before she reached the lift to go up one floor. As soon as she entered the throne room, she could feel the tension coming off of Titus even as he remained perched on the balcony. With his hands folded neatly behind his back, Titus didn’t give her any form of acknowledgment of her presence. Lexa took in a deep breath before she walked to his left and put her hands on the railing.

“ _Os sonop, Titos._ ” (Good morning, Titus)

“ _Os sonop, Heda.”_

“Tell me, what have I missed these past few days?”

Titus finally shifted his head in her direction, “For the most part, things have been quiet these past few days. Roan continues North towards Ice Nation Territory. There have been minor disputes between a couple of his men and _Trikru_ merchants, but from what the scouts have told me, Roan has been disciplining his men for any discretions they have caused.” 

Lexa nodded, “And what of the spy? Has she given you anything about how Nia knew how to destroy the Mountain?”

“Unfortunately, no. She has lived up to the reputation of an _Azegeda_ spy.”

“Doesn’t she realize that the Queen she is protecting has already died?”

“She has been reminded of that fact, repeatedly. But it might take a letter from King Roan himself, ordering her to divulge her secrets.”

Lexa nodded before she faced straight forward, “Keep me informed.”

“ _Chit ste neson_?” (What’s next?)

“I have been informed that Rex’s _fos_ , Kimi, died in a training accident.”

“Training accident?”

“She was in her village in _Boudalankru_ teaching some of the local pups archery when one of them continued to shoot when she was collecting the arrows from the previous round. By the time a _fisa_ could be reached, it was too late.”

Lexa shook her head, _of all of the ways to go_.

“Does Rex know?”

“Yes.”

“How did he take it?”

Titus tilted his head slightly to the side, “All things considered, surprisingly well. He was told the day after you left. He cried for a little while before he rejoined the other younglings for afternoon training.”

The sad truth of the world they lived in meant that someone at age eleven, like Rex, was not unaccustomed to death. Lexa didn’t know Kimi particularly well, but she was known for her creative thinking in both strategy and her artistic abilities. Titus recommended pairing the two together as _fos_ and _seken_. Rex always had a mischievous spirit, his violet eyes never quite betrayed what he was thinking. They hoped that by bringing the two of them together, Kimi could teach Rex to use his chaotic tendencies for good. 

“Who do you want to pair him up with now?” 

Lexa sighed, keeping Rex’s personality in mind, she thought about all of the _gonas_ she knew who were known not just as good warriors but also good teachers. Not just any warrior was considered for a _natblida’s fos_. Training a _natblida_ was considered a great honor, those who did know that they were potentially training the next _Heda_. 

“I have an idea, let’s have Rex meet Brigham.”

“Do you think that is wise? Brigham is nothing like Kimi.”

“Exactly, Brigham will teach Rex about discipline and patience in order to achieve his goals. If Rex has any chance of becoming _Heda_ , it is our responsibility to help him get there.”

Titus nodded, before he said, “I will send word to Indra to send Brigham to Polis.”

“ _Os.”_

“How did your visit to Arkadia go?”

“There was only one attempt on my life, which was fewer than I expected.” 

“ _Leksa_ ”, Titus chastised, “why must you joke about this?”

Lexa looked down at the nearly healed wound on her forearm. Being a _natblida_ had a few perks if one could forget about the drawbacks. Lexa gave him a small smirk before she said, “For the most part, it went well. They appointed Kane as their leader. And he agreed to come back with us for the hearing as I am sure you already know. We negotiated terms to exchange information amongst the clans. I have a copy of the agreement written up and signed by both Kane and me. I am optimistic.”

“Did they agree to take in the four _Delphikru_ objectors?”

“After I explained to them what the Great Sacrifice is, yes.”

“Speaking of, how did they take the idea that they would have to participate?”

“They accepted it, but I am going to hold off on requiring members of _Skaikru_ for their five years of service for the next ten years.”

Titus was completely silent for what felt like a couple of minutes. Even in his inert state, Lexa could smell the anger pheromones wafting off of him. Lexa refused to ask him if he had a problem with her decision because it was hers to make. If he wanted to express his views, she would be more than happy to listen. Eventually, he seethed out,

“Was that _her_ idea? Or yours?”

“Not that it matters, but it was my idea. Unlike the other clans, who have had generations to establish themselves, _Skaikru_ is starting from the beginning. To pull their young from their home would be counterproductive.” 

“What makes you think that the other clans would accept this kind of leniency?” 

“They will accept it because it is the right thing to do and because whether they like it or not, I am _Heda_ , and it’s my decision.”

Lexa pushed out her pheromones, angry that Titus would denigrate her authority. Titus had his pointer finger and thumb on either side of the bridge of his nose. 

“Assuming that the clans accept this, how much of a future with Clarke do you see?”

Titus brought his hand down from his face and Lexa felt all of his attention trained on her expression. Lexa found herself having to hold back a growl. Instead, using as calm of a voice as she could muster, she turned away from the railing and faced Titus straight in the eyes and said, 

“Whether or not I have a relationship with Clarke, I don’t see how that is important.”

Titus’ expression looked pained, his tone disappointed as he said, “Can you not see that your relationship with Clarke is likely to get the both of you killed?”

Lexa opened her mouth to remind him that she never said they were in a relationship, but Titus turned his body to face her.

“Do not dishonor yourself by denying that you are in a relationship with that alpha. I assume she knows of your condition which only further drives suspicion that she is up to something. I know she has been warming your bed both here and out in the field. Even if I didn’t, you reek of the _Skaialpha_.” 

Lexa could not find the words to respond to Titus. She just furrowed her brow and put her hands on her hips. To be spoken to in this manner was borderline treasonous. A more bloodthirsty Commander might have acted upon it. But for better or worse, Titus did not say these things to shame her, he said them so that the people who would threaten her position didn’t have the means to do so. That didn’t mean that they weren’t offensive. 

Titus reached out a hand, but Lexa swatted it away. 

“If it becomes public that you have been spending your nights entertaining that _Skaialpha_ , how do you expect any of your decisions regarding _Skaikru_ to be taken seriously?”

Lexa crossed her arms, “when have I ever shown favoritism towards one clan?” 

“It’s not about whether or not you have shown favoritism. What matters is if your actions are _perceived_ as showing favoritism.”

Lexa turned away from him and back towards the city below. Titus still had his body turned towards her.

“Three days from now, you are going to have to stand in front of the council and look all fourteen of them in the eye, and explain not only why you have a right to rule but that your actions thus far have been in the best interest of the _Kongeda_. Whether or not it is fair that you will have to defend all of your past actions while every Commander since the formation of the Ascension Council has not is a discussion that we do not have the luxury to entertain.”

Without turning her body, Lexa tilted her head so she could see Titus’ face. 

“What if they take my _Hedon_ away? What if all of this sacrifice has been for nothing?”

Titus’ face softened, “No matter what happens, the decisions you made, to unite the twelve clans, to bring _Azegeda_ into the fold. That is a legacy that any _Heda_ would be proud of.”

Lexa brought her gaze back down to the city below, aware that Titus notably didn’t include _Skaikru_ in the list of her accomplishments. Without looking at Titus, she said, 

“Regardless of what happens to me, _Skaikru_ remains in the _Kongeda_. That is non-negotiable.”

When she looked back at Titus, she was prepared to hear pushback, but instead, all she got was a grim nod. 

“You know Ragnar better than almost anyone, he might not have a vote, but he could swing the Council if things go badly for us, what assurances do you think we could get?”

“I can think of a couple of ways we could get my brother to take our requests seriously, depending on what we bargain for.”

“Then let’s get to work.”

Lexa and Titus remained on that balcony for the rest of the morning. They planned out as many scenarios of how the hearing could go as they could think of. Amongst the best- and worst-case scenarios, they discussed what Lexa would be willing to give up and what she would want in exchange for peaceful abdication. Of course, they were hoping it wouldn't have to come to that, but it would have been foolish for them not to prepare. By the time Titus was needed to give the younglings their next lesson, for better or worse, they knew that in three days, one of their predictions would be right. Lexa just hoped that they planned enough to get the most out of whatever way the Ascension Council decided to land.

###

When Lexa went back to her quarters for lunch, she hoped to find that Clarke had returned from her time spent with Bellamy. Unfortunately, Clarke wasn’t there. When she used the hidden staircase to go to Clarke’s quarters, it looked like Clarke hadn’t been in them since before they left for Arkadia. A little dejected, Lexa went back up to her quarters where her lunch was already sitting, piping hot stew with a heel of bread and a side of freshly steamed vegetables. She was sure the food was delicious, but Lexa couldn’t taste any of it. All she could do was mechanically open her mouth, chew, and swallow before starting the process all over again. When she was sure all of the food had been eaten, she used the bread used to sop up the leftover broth, and Lexa finished by drinking the remaining water from the cup also on the tray. Feeling full, if still unsatisfied, Lexa took off her armor and jacket to give herself a break.

Unwilling to be disturbed during meditation, she brought the tray out to one of the sentries near her door. She told the remaining sentry to refuse anyone else until she said so. If Clarke wanted to see her, Lexa knew she likely would use the hidden stairwell anyway. Satisfied that she would be alone, Lexa sat down at the foot of her bed with her legs crossed. As much as she was hoping to talk to Clarke, she knew she needed the flame’s guidance after her heady discussion with Titus. Her past lives were notably quiet when she and Titus were creating plans for the upcoming hearing. That didn’t mean that they disapproved necessarily, they certainly had no problem telling her that she had misstepped in the past. But they didn’t exactly give her a ringing endorsement either.

But just as she closed her eyes, her ears perked up at the sound of the door hidden in the wall beginning to move. Lexa felt her heart quicken. It felt like Clarke had been avoiding her and as excited as she was to see her again, she could only speculate as to what was on Clarke’s mind that was holding her back. While still sitting on the ground, Lexa opened her eyes and turned her torso so she could look around the bed to confirm it was Clarke at the door.

The smell hit her before Clarke entered the room. Tendrils of saltwater and sunshine wrapped in a metallic smell closer to blood than she was used to, curled around her and invaded her nostrils. But as unmistakably Clarke as it was, nothing out-competed the stench of alpha, her musk drenching the room and making it hard for Lexa to keep from falling on her hands. Lexa figured Clarke must have had some things to work out in the sparring pits, but she had no idea how much stress Clarke had to get out of her system. As Lexa felt her inner omega doing flips, she also realized how much Clarke had been holding herself back, even when she was in her heat. As much as she dreaded the next few days, her omega was already lit aflame from the prospect of spending Clarke’s rut together in a little over a week. Just a couple of breaths and her small clothes were already embarrassingly wet.

When Clarke walked fully into the room, Lexa felt her mouth go completely dry. Clarke’s skin was covered in a thin layer of sweat. Lexa wasn’t sure how long she had been outside, but the sweat only further emphasized the sunkissed glow of Clarke’s cheeks and shoulders. But what held Lexa’s attention was the toned definition of Clarke’s biceps and the beauty of her collar bones. Clarke wasn’t wearing a proper top. It looked kind of like a wrap that most _Trikru_ women wore, except it had straps going over Clarke’s shoulders, similar to what Clarke called a bra. As Clarke walked closer, Lexa forgot her name as her gaze followed a droplet of sweat that had been pooling under Clarke’s left collar bone break free and dribble down in between Clarke’s breasts. If a moment ago her mouth had been dry, Lexa realized that she had started to drool with her mouth hanging open as she brazenly objectified the woman in front of her.

Clarke walked until she was right in front of Lexa. When she reached a hand down, Lexa stared at it confusingly. _What am I supposed to do with that?_ When Lexa saw her confusion reflected at her, she realized that Clarke was offering her a hand up. Closing her mouth, she grabbed Clarke’s hand and used it as leverage to pull herself into a standing position. Unfortunately, that meant that they were less than a stride’s distance away from each other. Lexa felt her omega preen as she felt Clarke’s eyes rake over her body just as hungrily as she had only moments before. Clarke’s pupils were dilated, her nose flared, the hand that wasn’t still wrapped in Lexa’s was twitching at her side. Lexa wanted more than anything to pounce into Clarke’s arms before Clarke put her back to the wall and took her in one thrust. At this point, Lexa was fairly sure that her arousal had bled through her small clothes and into her pants. She would make a mental note to hand wash them herself later, she didn’t want to have to explain that to Meela. 

The thought of Meela was enough for Lexa to get a momentary grip on reality. She remembered that Clarke had been avoiding her, and if she was back, she likely had planned to say something. Unless she had come here after proving her dominance on the field to prove her dominance with Lexa… _Focus branwada!_ Lexa shook her head before she said, 

“H–How did your day with Bellamy go?”

Clarke closed her eyes before she took in a breath.

When she opened them, she trained them on Lexa’s eyes, but there was a stiffness to her like she had to lock her muscles in place to keep herself from looking elsewhere.

“Good. He asked a lot of questions about the city, some things I knew, some I didn’t, I think I might ask Meela to speak with him sometime if that’s okay?”

Lexa took a big swallow before she nodded.

“And I take it you guys had a good time in the sparring pits?”

Lexa did a quick once-over of Clarke’s body hoping that Clarke would get the message. But really who was she kidding, it was just an excuse to ogle her alpha once again. Of course, this close, Lexa could see Clarke’s alphahood poking through her basketball shorts. When she realized she was staring, Lexa looked away as she felt the tinge of a blush creep up her cheeks.

“Uh-huh,” Clarke grunted out.

With her head still turned to the side, Lexa hadn’t realized that Clarke had stepped into her space. As she slowly turned her head back to face Clarke, she couldn’t help the gasp that came out of her mouth. They were so close to each other that Lexa could feel the damp sweat radiating off of Clarke almost like the humidity in a late summer afternoon right before a storm. Lexa didn’t remember when they had released each other’s hand but somehow, Lexa found all ten of her fingers in between the band of Clarke’s shorts and the sweaty skin underneath. Lexa began tracing the muscle fibers down until she reached Clarke’s pubic bone covered in boxers. When Clarke thrust her hips reflexively, Lexa smiled as she felt one of Clarke’s hands travel between her braids and her neck to encourage her forward. 

As soon as their lips met, Lexa forgot all about why Clarke had been avoiding her. If someone asked her what she discussed with Titus a couple of hours ago, she would have told them to _jok_ off. All that mattered was how amazing Clarke tasted in her mouth. Lexa pulled her left hand out of Clarke’s shorts as she urged it underneath Clarke’s strange bra. When she wasn’t making any progress out of removing the damn thing, Clarke laughed at her frustrated growl before breaking off the kiss and pulling off the bra. Lexa could see the tan line that was forming on Clarke’s chest. But that only brought her attention down to Clarke's nipples. Nipples that were so perfect and pink and squeezable, covered in a glistening sheen. Lexa tried to pick up right where they left off, but Clarke put a light hand on her chest before she said, 

“No, I want to see you, too.”

At first, Lexa made eyes at Clarke, hoping that she could convince Clarke to reconsider that position. But none of Lexa’s diplomatic prowess could help her today. She wasn’t sure how or why, but something today brought the beast out of Clarke. All Lexa saw in Clarke’s eyes were black pools and inner alpha that Clarke spent so much of her life keeping in check. Lexa was pretty sure that at this point, it looked like she peed her pants, she felt so wet. Lexa pulled her shirt off of her sticky body. She smirked as she came up with an idea. Instead of untying her chest wrap from the back, she slowly brought it up over her head so that her breasts made a satisfying smack against the skin encasing her ribs when they escaped the fabric. When Lexa had the chest wrap over her head, she reveled in the look her alpha was giving her, her mouth slightly agape. Before Lexa could unlace her pants, Clarke had both arms wrapped around her shoulders and had her tongue down Lexa’s throat.

With her hands free, Lexa decided to make quick business of Clarke’s shorts, pulling them down as best as she could while Clarke was exploring her mouth. When that didn’t go as smoothly as she hoped, Lexa felt Clarke smile into the kiss as she freed one of her hands to untie a drawstring in the front of her shorts. Lexa would have felt a little embarrassed had she not felt Clarke’s hardness rubbing against her through a pair of boxers. Instead of trying to pull them off as she did with the shorts, Lexa snapped the band of the boxers several times to give Clarke an idea of what she wanted. This time, Clarke broke off the kiss, taking off her boxers and exposing her beautifully thick, engorged penis, a dribble of precum already weeping out of the slit.

If Lexa didn’t already feel her arousal so acutely, she would have dropped down on her knees then and there to lick the precum off of Clarke’s dick. But as she was, the only thing she was interested in was having Clarke inside of her as she repeatedly impaled her. Lexa reached to untie her leather pants, but somehow Clarke was faster, pulling the laces loose with one hand and peeling them off with the other. When Clarke saw the wet spot in Lexa’s small clothes, her grin was nothing short of wolfish. Before either of them took off Lexa’s small clothes, Clarke brought her mouth close to the shell of Lexa’s ear,

“You’re so wet for me, omega.”

Lexa blushed as she released a fresh stream of arousal into her ruined small clothes. Lexa wasn’t even this wet the night after the Challenge, and that was after waiting almost four and a half months for sex. If she was being honest with herself, Clarke hadn’t made her this wet since her heat. Clarke had both of her hands on Lexa’s sides, stroking her up and down a few times before she grabbed the sides of her small clothes and ripped them down Lexa’s long legs. With them both naked, panting as if they had just run from a _pauna_ , each of them took a moment to regard the other’s body.

Before long, Clarke had crashed their lips back together, continuing her impatient pace, breaking the seam of Lexa’s lips almost instantly, causing Lexa to gasp. Clarke’s hands were everywhere, around her waist, stroking her wide hips, kneading her tight ass. Eventually, Lexa felt Clarke’s hand push her legs apart from behind before pushing up, encouraging Lexa to jump into her arms. With her legs wrapped firmly around Clarke’s waist, she felt Clarke directing her towards her bed.

As much as she loved her alpha taking charge, the image of Clarke lovingly taking her on the bed was not what Lexa needed at this moment. The stress of the past week eating away at her, combined with the anxiety of what was to come, Lexa felt raw. But she didn’t want to be soothed, she wanted her alpha to bask in the rawness with her, make her feel alive first, loved second. So, she broke off the kiss and even as she felt the growl in Clarke’s chest, she whispered in her alpha’s ear,

“Put my back against the wall and fuck me until I walk bow-legged for days.”

Clarke immediately cut off her growl before bringing Lexa to the closest wall, thankfully not near the doors. As soon as her back hit the hard surface, she gasped, as every nerve felt like it was on fire wherever Clarke’s skin was touching her own. Lexa kept her hands glued to Clarke’s shoulders. She felt Clarke’s knee under her ass as Clarke readjusted herself so that she could free up her hand to reach for her dick. As soon as Clarke lined them up, she gave her one last look, before Lexa enthusiastically nodded, and before long, Lexa felt the amazing stretch of Clarke as she thrust herself forward.

Clarke had brought her knee down and had both hands under Lexa’s ass to keep her elevated against the wall. With a little bit of pressure, Lexa willed herself to relax enough to let the head of Clarke’s dick pop inside. Lexa couldn’t help but lean her head back and close her eyes, using her hands to dig into Clarke’s shoulders. Clarke probing her open made her inner omega sing it felt so good. But she realized that even with Clarke as wound up as she was, she still had limits. Lexa opened her eyes when she realized that Clarke hadn’t moved forward. Clarke’s eyebrows were knitted together like she was concerned. Instead of saying anything, Lexa used her powerful leg muscles to bring Clarke closer to her, penetrating her further.

As soon as Clarke got the message, she thrust forward until she was inside to hilt of her shaft. If Lexa was being honest with herself, she felt a little twinge of pain at being stretched so quickly, but she knew if she said anything, Clarke would slow down and that was absolutely not what she wanted, so she bit her cheek to keep quiet. As quickly as Clarke had thrust forward, she had pulled her hips back until Lexa could only feel her head still inside. Before long, Clarke charged forward, going back to the hilt again. Clarke set a punishing pace that left Lexa breathless. At one point she couldn’t help but whine,

“Clarke,” smack, “you,” smack, “feel,” smack, “sogoodinsideofme,” smack.

Clarke leaned forward and whispered, “That’s right omega, remember who makes you feel this good. Remember who splits you open and makes you feel alive.”

As Lexa approached orgasm, she started to groan. She didn’t think she was being too loud but when Clarke placed a hand on her mouth to silence her, Clarke whispered into her ear,

“I know I make you feel good, but try to keep it down, you have guards outside this room.”

Lexa nodded, fearing that Clarke would stop if she couldn’t get ahold of herself. Clarke returned to her menacing pace, making it hard for Lexa to remember why Clarke stopped in the first place. Every time Clarke pulled in and out, Lexa could feel her foreskin dragging across a particularly sensitive spot on her front wall. It made her flex the muscles in her ass with every stroke. After a couple more minutes, Lexa felt her inner walls begin to relax and contract spontaneously, she was getting close. As she felt herself going over the edge, Clarke’s strokes began to stutter. All at once, Clarke kissed her to bury her groan, the loudest one yet, before emptying all that she had into Lexa. When Clarke released the kiss, Lexa felt Clarke press their foreheads together.

As much as Lexa wanted to stay against the wall like that, her legs were getting tired. Without separating themselves from each other, she slowly released her legs from around Clarke’s waist, dropping them to the ground. Her hands were still resting on Clarke’s shoulders. After they both had caught their breath, Clarke brought her head back so they could see each other. Lexa was amazed at how quickly her alpha went from wild and untamed to the sweet alpha who took care of her and who tucked a loose hair behind her ear.

Lexa leaned her head back against the wall, pointing her chin upwards, giving herself a break from the magnetism of Clarke’s gaze. With her eyes still focused on the ceiling, Lexa felt herself say,

“That was incredible.”

Clarke started to massage her sides as she whispered, “I wasn’t too rough?”

Lexa brought her gaze back down, “Absolutely not.”

Lexa leaned forward, giving Clarke a quick kiss on the lips, “In fact, you could bring out that side of you a little more.”

Clarke nodded, before she said, “I was a little wound up.”

Lexa raised an eyebrow, “Remind me to thank Bellamy the next time I see him.”

Clarke smirked, “He actually wasn’t the problem.”

Lexa brought her hands to the front of Clarke’s chest, “What happened?”

Clarke gave her a sheepish look, “Bellamy and I were slugging it out, with some hand to hand, until we heard someone nearby talking. About you.”

Lexa wiped a droplet of sweat off of Clarke’s face, “And what were they saying?”

“One was an alpha, the other a beta, and they were talking about how they couldn’t wait until your next heat. The alpha was bragging about the size of his dick and how you would scream his name when he buried his knot inside of you, and it just got me so mad. Bellamy had to tackle me to keep me from walking over and beating the shit out of him. When I calmed down enough for him to release me, we decided it was a good time to come back to the Tower. And well, long story short, with me being so close to my rut, I just had to see you.”

The sheepish expression on Clarke’s face made Lexa’s heart melt. She used her hands to bring Clarke close into an embrace. Lexa could feel Clarke bury her nose into her scent gland, and she had to hold back a moan from escaping her mouth. Knowing that if she didn’t break it off, they would be back at it again, she brought enough distance between them so she could see Clarke’s face,

“Listen to me, so long as I am here, you will always have me, understand? I don’t want another alpha. How could I? You just fucked the living daylights out of me.”

Lexa watched as a cocky smile appeared on Clarke’s face.

“In all seriousness, there isn’t anyone else out there for me.” Lexa put her hand on the side of Clarke’s face.

“Do you understand?”

Clarke gave her a small nod, “Good. Now, I love you so much, but between the sweat and the cum, I am starting to get a little itchy, so let’s get ourselves cleaned up, give this place a chance to air out. And there’s someone I want you to meet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are enjoying the Lexa/Titus scenes. I know seems like a strange concern to have after the back half of this chapter (I will get to that in a second), but I hope they don't feel repetitive. Or if they do, not in a bad way, like there should feel like a progression in their relationship with each of their morning briefings. 
> 
> I decided not to give y'all a heads up about the sex scene because I hadn't even planned it, it was a surprise for all of us. What can I say, my fingers twitched. I made the mistake of starting a scene with Clarke coming back to Lexa all hot and sweaty. Despite the fact that this one wasn't planned, I think it's my favorite smut scene I have written so far, feel free to argue with me in the comments if you disagree. All of that being said, the conversations that both of them are clearly avoiding will come to bite them in the ass. Soon. 
> 
> As always guys, thank you so much for reading, let me know what you think about those Lexa/Titus conversations in the comments, or if you have any feedback don't hesitate to send it my way.
> 
> Stay safe guys,
> 
> Biphi


	27. Lose Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Bellamy spar, someone pays Clarke a visit that gives her second thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> I would be remiss if I didn't say, I hope you are all safe during this time. With the militarized police state we in the US are currently living in, this little fic feels insignificant and small. All we can truly hope for is justice for George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arbery. And the countless other black Americans that have been assaulted and murdered by the police. If any of my readers have a problem with this message, I will not lose sleep at night if you stop reading. Black Lives Matter. 
> 
> I am pretty sure that this is the longest chapter I have released to date. It's not that there isn't a natural stopping point about halfway through, I just felt like this chapter is almost like it's own story within the larger context of this fic and it would be a shame to split that up. 
> 
> As always guys, thank you for reading.

**Clarke**

**Two Days Until the Hearing**

Clarke just dodged a strike aimed at her shoulder. After expertly avoiding contact, she used her own staff to land a blow to Bellamy’s chest. Yesterday, Bell might have had the advantage during their hand-to-hand sparring due to his size. But today they were fighting in Lexa’s gym, using a set of staffs, a weapon that Niylah had ensured that Clarke would be all too familiar with. Bellamy was a fast learner, and he had managed to get in a few swipes, but she definitely had been getting the better of him. After their get together yesterday, Lexa recommended that Clarke take Bellamy to her gym several floors below Clarke’s quarters. The gym had every training tool they could ever need and most importantly, it was away from boastful alphas that could piss Clarke off.

As much as she enjoyed her time alone with Lexa in the Tower, she had to admit, having Bellamy here gave her someone else she knew and trusted. Not to sound too much like an alpha, Clarke knew that she and Bell still had some of their own frustrations with each other to work out. She knew that Bell dropped her a little harder yesterday than he normally would, but Clarke didn’t complain, she knew it was likely the vestiges of his pain from when she abandoned him over three months ago. Just like when she swiped her staff under his feet today. Sparring was a way for them to reconnect and remember why they grew to be friends during their shared time on the ground. And sparring helped keep her sharp. At least, until Bellamy started taunting her.

When they both relaxed their staffs, Bellamy mischievously raised an eyebrow,

“What is all of this pent-up stress coming from? Didn’t you spend all afternoon with Lexa?”

Clarke took the opportunity to sweep him off his feet for the third time. When he made a satisfying groan after falling on his butt, Clarke reached down and gave him a hand up.

“Just so you know, when we are around other people, I don’t care who they are, sentries, attendants, hell, even people we trust, don’t mention my relationship with Lexa.”

When Bellamy sobered up and gave her a nod, Clarke smirked, “But if you must know, she,” Clarke looked away, whetting her bottom lip as she did so, “took the edge off, so to speak.”

Bellamy broke out into a big dopey smile, “Ow-ow, that’s it, Griff’s getting some.”

Clarke elbowed him in the ribs, “Ow, easy there, I was just poking fun.”

Then Bellamy got all serious, “Look, I’m not getting any these days, let me have my fun.”

_Well shit, he pulled the Gina card._ “Bell, you know how sorry I am about that.” 

The second that Clarke let her guard down, Bellamy used his staff to knock her on to her butt. Clarke groaned. They had been going at it for over an hour and even if she had gotten more hits in than Bellamy, she knew that was going to leave a bruise. But when she saw the arrogant smirk creep up on Bell’s face, she knew she was going to get him back. So she decided to distract him.

“Actually, we didn’t need to do it all afternoon.”

Clarke took a swipe at Bell’s torso that he dodged.

“Oh, you mean you couldn’t last all afternoon?”

“No, I mean, I did it right the first time,” Clarke parried Bell’s staff away.

“So what did you do with the rest of your day, then?”

“Lex wanted me to meet one of the alphas in the running to take her place, Aden.”

“And?”

“He’s a sweet kid, I think he might have a crush on my girlfriend. But Lexa thinks the world of him. She hopes that he is the one to succeed her.”

“Won’t that be your pup?”

Clarke thought she was going to get the drop on Bellamy, but as soon as he mentioned her son, Clarke lost all desire to spar.

“Who told you about–”

Bellamy dropped his staff in a show of submission, before putting his hands up,

“No one told me, it’s just,” Bellamy looked like he was trying to find the words.

“Bellamy,” Clarke had her staff raised.

“In Arkadia, when she came into my room that time,” Bellamy gave her a small smile. “Now, I had never been close enough to her before then to know what she normally smells like.”

Bellamy brought his hands back down to his sides, “But I would recognize that saltwater scent anywhere.”

Clarke let her staff drop to the floor as he said, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone, I promise.”

Clarke closed her eyes before she took a deep breath. 

“I believe you, it’s just,” Clarke looked away for a moment, “With this hearing coming up in two days, and the pup, and Lexa throwing herself at all of her problems, I feel like I’ve lost control of everything.” 

Bellamy’s eyes softened, “I know what that’s like, and it sucks.” 

Clarke looked back at him as he continued, “It really does. I could stand here and tell you that you shouldn’t feel that way, or that it gets easier, but feeling like you have something special, knowing that a part of you is somewhere you can’t be at all times,” Bellamy put one of his hands behind his neck as he looked away.

“It’s terrifying. I am terrified, all of the time,” Clarke admitted. 

Bellamy took a step forward and put a hand on her shoulder, “I want you to know that I didn’t come here to become the Ambassador for _Skaikru_.”

Clarke opened her mouth as she was about to say something, but Bellamy continued, “I will take on the job because you asked me to. But that’s not why I came here.”

Clarke closed her mouth as she waited for him to finish. 

“I came here for you. Because you needed me. And because, for better or worse, the people that needed me most aren’t even there anymore.” Bellamy looked away. Clarke reached for the hand on her shoulder and squeezed it. 

“Just know that I am here for you. I know we haven’t patched everything back up, but that doesn’t change how much you mean to me. How much this friendship means to both of us.” 

Clarke held his gaze before she hugged him. Clarke hadn’t realized how much she missed being around him until this moment. The world around her was still crazy. It likely always would be. But Bellamy helped slow the world down, if only for a moment. She made a mental note to thank Lexa for inviting him to stay. 

Clarke broke off the hug before she reached down for both of their staffs. “I think it’s time we take a break. Do you know how to get back to your quarters from here?”

“I think so.”

“Good, if not, just ask one of the sentries, and they can help you find your quarters.”

“Thanks, Clarke.”

“Oh, and Meela, the woman who I was telling you about, has agreed to meet you this afternoon.”

“Awesome, I look forward to it.”

After Clarke put the staffs away, she called back over to Bellamy, who was walking toward the hallway to get to the main staircase, “I will see you later, Bell.”

“See you later, Clarke.”

Clarke hiked up the three flights of stairs until she reached the hidden doorway on her floor. She was looking forward to a bath so she could wipe the workout off of her body. But as soon as she walked through the door, Clarke could feel someone else’s presence in her room. The smell was familiar, like a scent she had picked up from in the past, but never alone, as if there was always more powerful scents around her. At first, it reminded her of beta scent, muted, and typically soothing. Except nothing was soothing about this. 

When Clarke scanned the room, she noticed a bald man, dressed in red and orange robes staring out the window with his hands behind his back. _Titus_. Clarke hadn't had too many interactions with the man. She knew he was Lexa’s advisor and that he taught the younger _natblidas_. He certainly inserted himself during meetings with the ambassadors a couple of times, most of the time, Lexa would wave him off. But Lexa didn’t talk about him much, except to say that she had daily briefings with him every morning. His lack of smell was always unnerving because it made it hard to get a read off of him. Even betas could flash their emotions in their scent, often they didn’t realize they were doing it. But if there was one emotion that Clarke could pick up now, it was disdain. When he turned around, Clarke didn’t wait for him to speak.

“Why are you here, Titus?”

Clarke crossed her arms as Titus walked closer to her. But instead of stopping next to her, Titus walked right past her to the small sitting area in her quarters. As if that wasn’t enough, he motioned to a chair, as if to invite her to sit down. In her room. Not wanting to cause any trouble for Lexa, Clarke just clenched her jaw before she walked over to the chair and sat down. Her chair had arms, but she kept her hands folded in her lap. Titus had his fingers entwined, and he sat with both feet firmly on the ground. After about a minute of sizing each other up, Titus spoke. 

“I want to understand what your intentions are.”

“Regarding what, exactly?”

Titus furrowed his eyebrows, “Do not pretend that you and the Commander are not _entertaining_ one another. It is beneath you.” Titus paused before he continued. 

“What I do not understand is why.”

“Why, what?”

“Damnit Clarke,” Titus raised his voice before taking a deep breath, “you know why.”

“Titus, I don’t know if you want to hear this, but have you seen the Commander? She is beautiful, and complex, and flawed. Any alpha would kill to spend time with her.”

“I know you know about the pup.”

“Are you asking me what I think you are asking me?”

Clarke crossed her left leg over her right before she sat back in her chair.

“Do not pretend to be something you are not. She already told me it was not yours.”

Clarke tried her best to keep her face as neutral as possible. From what she had gathered, Lexa didn’t hide things from Titus. The fact that she chose to keep this truth from him meant something. For now, she was just thankful that she hadn’t already given herself away.

“Have you considered that I might want to raise the child as my own, that I am willing to accept the pup through love, if not blood?”

“I do not have any evidence to believe that. But what I do know is that the minute she brought you back here, she has been unfocused and hiding things.”

“Are you implying that I would do something to the Commander that would cause her to lose the pup?”

The thought of anyone hurting her son brought dangerous images of flayed men and buckets of blood to mind. Clarke did her best to keep her scent as neutral as possible. Any flare-up could be perceived as a deception. Titus stared at her with an expressionless face. At least now she knew where Lexa learned it from.

“Do you know what we do to alphas who mark omegas without their consent?” 

“Their teeth are removed.”

Titus gave her a slight nod, “Do you know what I would have done to you?”

Clarke figured it was a rhetorical question, but she still felt herself shaking her head.

“I will make sure that your scent glands are shucked out with a dinner spoon. Do you know what happens to alphas without their ability to produce their scent?”

Clarke stiffly answered, “Yes.”

“Good, so I will not have to explain it to you.”

“It’s a good thing then, that I have never done anything to her without her consent,” Clarke said coolly.

Titus closed his eyes and seethed. When he opened them, he got up from his chair and turned his back towards Clarke. For a beta to do that to an alpha during an adversarial conversation would be unthinkable, but for an omega, it was downright narcissistic. Clarke just grabbed the arms of her chair, breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth. Titus had moved to the cabinets lining one of the walls of her room. The bottom cabinets had a counter on top of it that Clarke had been using to put things that she had accrued since coming to the city. He put his fingers on one of her sketchbooks, then her panther teeth necklace. 

“In two days, the Commander will stand in front of the Ascension Council, I am sure she has told you about it.” 

“She might have mentioned it.”

“If you do anything to distract her during that hearing, and I mean anything at all, I will make sure that the name _Skaikru_ is no more than a hazy memory.”

Clarke highly doubted that Titus had that kind of power, but she didn’t want to say that. She was over this little game of his. 

“All I have ever done was love and support her.”

“Provided that your precious _Skaikru_ got everything it needed.”

Clarke had enough of this, she stood up from her chair and before long, she had pushed out enough anger pheromones to soak her entire quarters in it. She knew the moment Titus felt it, as his legs shook, and he turned back around to face her. She was tempted to growl, but that felt like overkill in this situation, at least for now.

“All I am saying is, if you want your clan to remain where it is, I suggest you let her go. Just as she did all of those months ago at the Mountain.”

“Why would I do something as foolish as that?”

“Because if you do not, and she fails to plead her case, she is prepared to make a deal. Her position for the safety of the thirteenth clan.”

“How does one stop being _Heda_?”

“You have no idea how any of this works, do you?”, Titus didn’t wait very long for a response before he continued. “The Spirit of the Commander is not some made-up ghost that travels through the air. It is a physical thing passed down from one Commander to the next. No one has ever had it removed while still being alive. We have no way of knowing how that could affect her or the pup.” 

_No. Not again._ They barely had time to unpack their bags from the last trip when Lexa had almost lost her life. And here they were again. And the worst part was that Lexa had several chances to tell her that these were her plans, but she chose not to. Because she knew how angry it would make Clarke. From the way Titus was looking at her, she knew he was telling the truth. As much as she understood what he was trying to do here by giving her information that would piss her off, she could not help the rage she felt. When she closed her eyes and breathed out, she could have sworn the air coming out of her nose was closer to smoke. As soon as she opened her eyes everything had a red haze to it. Clarke turned her back to Titus before she growled out,

“If I were you, and I valued my own life, I would leave. Now.”

Titus didn’t say anything else, but as he walked past her, Clarke saw the satisfied smirk break out on his pompous face. She could barely contain herself until he closed the door behind him. Clarke got on her knees a roared up at the ceiling. 

###

After calming herself down enough to form a coherent thought, Clarke knew that she had to talk to Lexa. She was pretty sure that Titus was telling the truth, but she needed to hear it from Lexa herself. She needed Lexa to tell her that once again, she was planning on putting herself and by extension, their son, in jeopardy. It’s not that Clarke wasn’t aware that being a leader meant taking risks for the people who follow you. And a part of her was genuinely touched that Lexa felt so strongly about protecting _Skaikru_. But why was the concession always her life? Was the love they shared not a good enough reason for Lexa to stay? Was Clarke not enough? Clarke went over it in her head again and again until she was nauseous. 

Lexa was in meetings all morning. But in between the meetings and her lesson with the alpha _natblidas_ in the afternoon, she would return to her quarters for lunch. Clarke used the hidden staircase to enter Lexa’s room and sat down on one of the couches. And she waited. 

After sitting for so long that her legs got stiff, Clarke decided it was time to stand up. But then the double doors to Lexa’s quarters opened. Clarke felt herself holding her breath. When Lexa walked into the room, she found Clarke’s gaze immediately. She flashed Clarke a small smile and Clarke felt nauseous again. Clarke was relieved that she had had some time to cool off, the last thing she wanted was to go into this conversation blazing hot. 

Lexa walked over to her and sat next to her on the couch. When Lexa reached out for Clarke’s hand, Clarke reflexively pulled away. The concern on Lexa’s face was replaced with hurt. 

“Clarke? Is everything okay?”

Clarke sighed before she angled body to face Lexa better. Seeing the pain on Lexa’s face, Clarke wanted more than anything to soothe her. But all of the repressed anger and fear for her omega prevented Clarke from doing so. With all of Lexa’s attention, Clarke said,

“I need to ask you something, and I really need you to tell me the truth.”

Lexa, ever the diplomat, schooled her features before she said, 

“What do you want to know?”

“What’s going to happen if the Ascension Council revokes your right to _Hedon_?”

Lexa stiffened, narrowing her eyes, “Did Titus say something to you?”

Clarke felt her anger flare-up, “This isn’t about Titus.”

When Clarke began to smell her anger surrounding them, she took a deep breath, closing her eyes, and giving herself time to center herself before she tried again.

“ _Beja, hodnes_ , just answer the question.”

Lexa put her hands, palm down on her legs, before briefly turning away so Clarke couldn’t see her reaction. Just as Clarke felt her anger return at Lexa stalling, she turned back. 

“If I can’t convince them to allow me to remain, _Heda_ , then yes, in exchange for some reforms and guarantees, including the safety of your people, I will peacefully allow the Spirit of the Commander to be removed.” 

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows, knowing the answer to her next question, “Has that ever happened before?”

“No.”

“Do you have any idea what that will do to you, to our son?”

“Clarke, you know I can’t afford to just think about me, about us.” Lexa once again reached out for Clarke’s hands, but Clarke swatted them away for a second time. Clarke began to feel suffocated so close to Lexa. Before Lexa had a chance to say anything else, or try to soothe her anger, Clarke stood up and walked past Lexa, still sitting on the couch. 

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

“Of course, but this plan is only a last resort. I didn’t want to unnecessarily upset you if I–”

“But you knew I would be upset about this. You avoided telling me because some part of you knew that it was wrong or at the very least, that it was dangerous.”

Lexa looked very uncomfortable sitting on the couch. She had her arms crossed and her gaze on anything but Clarke’s face. Eventually, she looked Clarke in the eyes and said, 

“Yes. I knew you would freak out if I told you. I didn’t want to cause you any more pain than I already have. But there is more to this situation than our relationship.”

“ _Our relationship_?” Clarke scoffed, “When are you ever thinking about how your choices affect our relationship? It feels like all you ever do is think about everything else besides yourself.”

Lexa stood up, “Everything I do is for the future of the Coalition.”

Lexa walked closer, “For _our_ future.”

It sounded so nice when Lexa put it that way, but the image of Roan striking her across the face before she fell flat on her back entered her headspace. And then Clarke remembered the primal terror she felt when she saw her mother run out of the bar at Arkadia. That’s when Lexa’s soothing pheromones hit her nostrils. But Clarke was too angry to let them work on her. Clarke couldn’t help but feel like Lexa was trying to manipulate her, trying to use her omega whiles to get Clarke to just dumbly follow her along.

Titus’ self-satisfied sneer felt like it was burning the back of her eyeballs as he accused her of trying to hurt the pup she was so desperate to protect. Knowing that he was trying to do everything he could to ensure Lexa and she remained apart made Clarke so mad. She knew Titus was manipulating her to lash out, to make a mistake that would get in the way of her relationship with Lexa. But it was Lexa’s willingness to put herself and their pup in jeopardy that hurt Clarke the most. Before Clarke could control herself, all of her pain came out at once.

“Don’t you get it, if you do this, there might not be a future to be had between us.” Unwilling to look at Lexa, Clarke turned her back to her and began to put distance between them before she said,

“You keep putting our pup in danger. You did it when you fought Roan. You recklessly spoke to Pike alone despite my concerns.”

Clarke stopped moving when she felt warm tears stream down her cheeks. She turned around, facing Lexa, whose expression was a mixture of bewilderment and sadness.

“Every day that you walk around pregnant without a mating mark, you not only put yourself at risk, but you put our son at risk. I used to think it was because you thought so little of your own life, but now? It feels like you don’t care about what we have. I don’t think you understand, I can’t lose you.”

“You think I don’t know that? That I walk around making decisions without considering the risks involved. Clarke,” Lexa put a hand to her chest, “I have spent my life training to do this one thing: give all of myself for the betterment of my people. If you want to remain a part of my life, you have to understand that these are the sacrifices I have to make. I need to do this.”

Clarke growled, “Don’t give me that ‘lonely cross to bear’ crap. You aren’t alone, and you shouldn’t have to give up your life just to convince them that you are worthy to lead them. But I shouldn’t have to tell you this. Forget about what you think you need to do, Lexa, what do you want?”

Lexa’s eye’s narrowed like she was looking for a trap in the question. But that only broke Clarke’s heart more, because she realized that Lexa must not have been asked that question very often.

“I, uh, I need my people to safe–”

“–That is not what I asked.”

Lexa closed her eyes before she shook her head a few times. When she opened her eyes, she shifted her gaze slightly to Clarke’s right, before she wiped a hand across her face, “I am truly sorry that I cannot give you more of myself. But I can’t give you what you want.”

Fresh tears leaked out of Clarke’s eyes as she stared at the woman she loved. She should have known better than to let herself fall in love with this person after what happened at the Mountain. How did she let herself get sucked back in? Clarke took a second to steel herself for what she was about to do. She wiped what she hoped would be the last of her tears away before she said,

“I can’t be around you while you sacrifice yourself like this again. I won’t.”

Lexa took a shaky breath and opened her mouth like she was going to say something before she just nodded instead. A knock at the door brought them back.

“I’m sure that’s your lunch,” Clarke whispered.

“I can tell them to leave,” Lexa whispered back.

“No,” Clarke put up a hand, “You need to eat. I should go.”

“If that’s what you wa–”

When both of them realized what Lexa was about to say, Clarke averted her gaze as Lexa choked off the end of that sentence. Neither of them would be getting what they wanted. There was another knock at the door. Clarke took a step back involuntarily. She watched as Lexa raised a limp arm as if she was reaching out for something.

“I can’t be here right now, not anymore.”

Clarke didn’t wait for Lexa’s response. She ran to the hidden door in the wall and took the stairs down to her quarters two at a time. Anything to put distance between them. As soon as she flung the door open, she sobbed and broke down onto her knees. All at once, the nausea she felt before came rushing back and she vomited what felt like everything she had ever eaten up. Everything about this felt wrong. It felt like her body was rejecting the distance between them. Clarke’s alpha felt like a livewire that would burst out of her skin if she didn’t get it under control.

Clarke went into her washroom and grabbed a towel to mop up the floor. By the time it was satisfactorily cleaned, she felt numb. As she looked around the room, her eyes scanned the counter that Titus had rudely put his hands all over. She walked over to the panther-tooth necklace, placing her fingers on the smooth surface of one of the teeth. Her pointer finger hovered over the sharp edge of the tooth.

When she brought the panther’s body back to Niylah’s shop, she had deep gashes in her own back. When Niylah went to work cleaning and stitching her up, she asked,

“Now that you’ve taken down such a terrifying and magnificent beast, tell me, was it worth it?”

At the time, it was one of the only things that made her feel alive. And her answer had been yes. But now, now that she knew what it meant to live with her heart outside of her chest, she wasn’t so sure. Clarke felt more alive the day Roan had the glaive aimed at Lexa’s body, vulnerable and on the ground, than when the panther had its teeth plunged into her flesh. But unlike the rush of euphoria she felt at brushing with her own death, the threat of losing Lexa or her pup was horrendous. She had no choice in the matter, she wasn’t giving up control, it was being snatched away. Her future was being snatched away. That’s what it felt like every time Lexa did something that could put herself at risk. But where did that leave Clarke now? As unbearable as it could be to love something like her, why did she feel like she was the one throwing away control this time?

Clarke put down the panther tooth. When she walked over to her sketchbooks, she picked up the one Titus had touched. This wasn’t the sketchbook that Lexa had given her when she arrived in Polis. Abby hid the sketchbook in between the clothes she had packed for her. Clarke didn’t notice it until she emptied her bags yesterday. It was the sketchbook she brought with her to _TonDC._ Back when she was hoping to get some drawing time in between what she thought was going to be knife-throwing lessons. Obviously, things didn’t go according to plan. 

Clarke opened the sketchbook for the first time in over three months. She saw a drawing of the two-headed deer they found on the first day they were on the ground. A sketch of Fin’s puppy-dog brown eyes that used make her feel safe. There was a sketch of Bellamy after they had spent a day together and found all of those guns. Clarke had a whole series of photos of Octavia. She always felt it was difficult to capture O’s fearlessness when she drew her. 

But as she skipped through a couple of sketches, the book fell open to one she had almost forgotten. It was a drawing of Lexa sleeping on her side. Clarke had always been itching to draw Lexa when she was asleep, only because it was one of the few times when Lexa appeared her age. All of the tension and stress she carried seemed to melt away. Clarke drew it during the third day of Lexa’s heat. They had been tied for a little over an hour when Clarke felt herself shrink enough to delicately pull herself out. It was what she assumed was the middle of the day and neither of them had eaten anything all day. Clarke had lit some candles to see a bit better when she scavenged for food. Before Clarke crawled back in bed behind Lexa, the image of Lexa, sleeping, naked and peaceful, make Clarke’s mouth go completely dry and her fingers twitch. 

Clarke couldn’t help but touch the drawing. Lexa had her arms crossed underneath her chest while her legs were stacked together and slightly bent at the knee. Her hair, once in a long thick braid at the start of her heat had long since been undone and was in messy waves all over the pillow. Clarke took a deep breath, seeing Lexa this way reminded her of what they had all those months ago. At the time, Clarke hadn’t been sure that their coupling would ever amount to more than that one shared heat. Sure, she hoped that they could have a future, but they were at war. There were no guarantees. Drawing Lexa this way wasn’t just Clarke letting her artistic brain capture a beautiful moment. Clarke wanted to keep something to commemorate their shared time together.

Of course, that was before either of them knew that they had already made something together. Looking at the drawing now, in some ways it felt silly to think that only one moment captured what they had together during those short couple of days. Yes, they had a lot of sex, the got to know each other’s bodies inside and out. But afterward, when they were tied and had nowhere to go, they talked, they made each other laugh at the ridiculousness of their situation, they learned each other’s fears and hopes. Clarke might not have been able to put it into words back then, but Clarke knew for sure that she fell in love with Lexa during their time together in that bunker. Uncertainties aside, it was also the place where Clarke started to imagine her future intertwined with Lexa’s. Mount Weather might have distorted her imagined future but that was only temporary. Only until she learned to live with herself.

Clarke closed the sketchbook and walked to the window. What did she think was doing here? As frustrated as she was with Lexa, where was she going to go? Back to Arkadia, while the hearing that could decide the fate of her love and her son was going on while Bellamy pretended to be an Ambassador. She was pretty sure her mother wouldn’t accept her back knowing that her grandpup was in jeopardy. Clarke chuckled at the thought.

There were still so many things she didn’t have the answers to, and Clarke was pretty sure that she wasn’t going to get all of them. She knew that there was a risk that Lexa might not be Commander anymore, whatever that entailed exactly. But what if that didn’t happen? Would she still walk away, knowing that Lexa and her son were safe, just to prove a point? She knew the answer to that question.

Clarke knew what she had to do. But more importantly, she knew what she had to say. Clarke climbed the stairs to Lexa’s quarters for the second time today. All she could hope was that Lexa would be willing to listen.

###

Clarke wasn’t surprised when Lexa wasn’t in her quarters. The alpha _natblidas_ were expecting her, and if Lexa was one thing, it was dutybound to a fault. Once again, Clarke sat down on one of Lexa’s couches, and she waited. She couldn’t help all of the nervous energy she felt coursing through her body. She tapped the wooden floorboards with her boots. She patted the cushions of the couch with her hands. At one point, she couldn’t take it anymore and she began to pace the room. 

As the sun was hanging low, Clarke smelled pine, earth, fresh rain, and saltwater hovering at the doors. But Lexa didn’t open the doors, not at first. Just as Clarke began to panic that Lexa wouldn’t come in, one of the double doors quietly opened. Lexa’s face was all red, likely from the tough workout that the alphas put her though. She was wearing full armor, although she didn’t have her pauldron or her forehead piece. It had only been a couple of hours, but Lexa looked worn, not from the lesson, but the day. Clarke couldn’t help but feel guilty for being a large part of that. Clarke braced for an influx of anger pheromones directed at her. But similarly to Lexa’s stoic face, her pheromones remained neutral. 

“Clarke, you came back.”

“I felt like I had to. I had no right to leave things the way that I did.”

Clarke was still standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

“Can I sit down?”

Lexa looked genuinely surprised when Clarke asked her for permission. But she nodded before following her over to the couches. Except instead of sitting next to Clarke, she sat on the one opposite her. Clarke tried to be as open as possible, keeping her hands out on her lap.

“I wanted to say, I’m sorry for the way I handled myself earlier. It wasn’t fair to you.”

“I understand, you were hurt, but your concerns made sense.”

“While that may be true,” Clarke conceded, “I have had these concerns for a few days now, and I haven’t been honest with you about them, at least not how much they were affecting me.”

“Then why didn’t you say these things earlier?”

“To be honest, it’s not exactly like we had all of the time in the world.” Lexa arched an eyebrow

“Okay, maybe instead of doing…other things, I could have tried to bring these things up to you. But what would you have said? If I told you how much pain it causes me to see you get hurt?”

Lexa studied her for a moment, “I would probably apologize. I would say that even if there are some risks that I am required to take on a daily basis, there are ways that I have been, what you might view as reckless in the past that could have been avoided.”

Clarke nodded.

“Clarke, even if all of these things are true, nothing has really changed. I–I can’t give all of myself over to you.”

Clarke clasped her hands together before she looked down at them.

“Do you remember what I said to you after you told me that you could never have pups?”

“You mean after we were tied for the first time?”

Clarke couldn’t help but smile at the memory before she nodded. “I said that I had pictured children for my future, but now, the image I see in my future is you.”

Lexa gave her a small smile as she nodded, “I remember.”

“Of course, I ended up getting the best of both worlds.” Clarke brought her gaze down to Lexa’s belly before bringing it back up to Lexa’s beautiful face.

“How convenient for you,” Lexa smirked.

Clarke returned her gaze to her hands, “I also remember saying something about wanting all of you, and your life, whatever that may bring.”

Clarke looked back up at Lexa, “I remember that too.”

“I know a lot has changed since that day. We’ve both broken each other’s hearts, caused each other unspeakable pain. But Lex, I fell in love with you that day, and there hasn’t been a day since that I haven’t been in love with you.”

Lexa broke out into a full-blown smile, but she didn’t say anything.

“Uh Lex, this is the part when you tell me that’s when you fell in love with me too.”

Lexa shook her head, “Clarke, I fell in love with you the day we met. I knew the moment you figured out that I was an omega that you would cause me to expose myself, maybe even lose my position, and all the progress I have been fighting for. But I also knew that at that moment I didn’t care, because I fell so hard for you.”

Clarke couldn’t help the blush that crept up her cheeks and reached her ears. 

“And I think that’s what terrified me the most.”

Clarke got up from the couch and slowly walked over to where Lexa was perched on the opposite couch. Clarke kneeled in front of Lexa, close enough that her chest touched Lexa’s knees. Clarke extended her arms so that she had a hand on each of Lexa’s hips. Lexa gave her a small smile before she tucked a stray hair behind one of Clarke’s ears.

“How is it that neither of us feels like we have control over anything when we are around each other?” Clarke wondered out loud.

“I’m not an expert by any means, Clarke, but I think that’s what love does to people.”

Clarke’s blush returned as she looked away.

“It’s also why Titus has been so against me being around you. I think he’s worried that I might make decisions that are influenced by my feelings for you.”

At the mention of Titus, Clarke emitted a low growl. When Lexa turned her head to the side in submission, even with Clarke on the ground, Clarke felt overwhelming guilt.

“Wait, no, you don’t have to do that,” Clarke reached a hand towards Lexa’s face, bringing her back to the center.

“I know you feel like you need Titus, but he just tried to split us apart.”

Lexa took Clarke’s hand that was on her face and entwined their fingers before bringing their hands down to her lap. Lexa looked down at their hands, “Was he successful?”

Clarke brought their hands to her lips before she said, “I wouldn’t have come back up here if he was.”

When Lexa brought her gaze back up to Clarke’s, all Clarke could see was Lexa’s beautiful grey-green eyes, her high cheekbones, and bee-stung lips. But unlike the typical stoic expression she gave most of the people in her life, Lexa flashed Clarke a smile she had only observed on her omega’s face when it was just the two of them together. Clarke couldn’t help but fall in love all over again.

“I just have one request.”

“Name it.”

“I think we should exchange mating marks. Before the hearing.”

But then Lexa pulled her hand away, and eyebrows furrowed.

“What’s wrong?”

Lexa looked away,

“What if I can’t be everything you need me to be? The negotiations at the hearing will not be the last difficult series of decisions I will have to make. Knowing the amount of pain that I could cause you would be unbearable as it is, let alone if we were mated.”

“Lex, don’t you get that you are enough? That you are everything? That I don’t want to spend another day without being fully and irrevocably connected to you?”

Clarke stood up and offered Lexa a hand. Lexa stared at the hand before she allowed Clarke to pull her up. Clarke pulled Lexa close to her, putting both of her hands to Lexa’s waist. Clarke released soothing pheromones before bringing their foreheads together.

She whispered, “If you aren’t ready, I won’t push you.” Clarke brushed her nose against Lexa’s.

“But if you are and you want to take this leap with me–”

Clarke’s sentence was cut off when Lexa connected their lips. The kiss was soft and patient as if Lexa was waiting for Clarke to make the next move. Clarke brought her left hand behind Lexa’s neck as she moved her right hand to the small of Lexa’s back. She felt Lexa’s tongue lick at the seam of her lips before she granted access to the inside of her mouth. If at first, Lexa was being timid, after a couple of minutes of making out, she started taking a more aggressive approach. Clarke felt Lexa walking her backward to the bed. When Clarke realized what Lexa’s intentions were, she felt her arousal deep in her core. As she felt her clit twitch and then extend, she began stripping her clothes off with every step backward.

When Clarke felt the foot of the bed against legs, all she had left to take off were her boxers. Somehow, Lexa was already naked despite the extra layers she had on. When Clarke hadn’t climbed on the bed, Lexa had her hands on Clarke’s hips, urging her backward. It made Clarke laugh into the kiss before she said,

“Give me a second to take my boxers off.”

If Lexa normally would have flashed Clarke a sheepish expression at being so eager, she definitely didn’t this time. All Clarke saw in Lexa’s eyes were blown pupils, flared nostrils, and a slightly impatient expression.

Clarke nearly tripped out of her boxers, naturally. But as soon as she kicked them off, Lexa had her falling on the bed. It was all Clarke could do to scoot her whole body on the bed before Lexa was straddling her waist. Clarke wasn’t used to this sort thing. Normally, she called the shots when they made it to the bed, of course, she would take requests, and everything she did was to bring her love closer to orgasm. But not this time. When she tried to bring her torso up. Lexa placed a hand flat on her chest, forcing her back down.

Clarke knew that if it really made her uncomfortable, she could say something, and Lexa would relent. But seeing her omega take charge this way was getting her so hard, her inner alpha be damned. When Lexa reached behind herself and found Clarke’s dick, hard and dripping with precum, the look she flashed at Clarke was downright wicked. Clarke felt a confidant hand stroke her from base to tip and back again several times, causing her to tilt her head back and her eyes go to the back of her skull, it felt so good.

Lexa stopped momentarily to crawl back up to Clarke’s lips to give her a slow, sloppy, passionate kiss before she scooted her knees past Clarke’s waist and closer towards her pelvis. Lexa got into a crouch as she lined herself up. Clarke’s mouth watered as she watched Lexa insert two fingers inside herself easily, collecting a fair amount of her arousal before taking her fingers out and running them down Clarke’s shaft.

With proper lubrication out of the way, Lexa slowly began to sink herself around Clarke’s dick. Clarke felt like she was in a trance as she watched Lexa close her eyes at the stretch. She had one hand on Clarke’s stomach and the other on the bed to give herself balance and to keep herself from going too quickly. When Clarke felt the head of her dick pop inside, Lexa let out a gasp, and Clarke couldn’t help but groan at the tightness surrounding her.

Lexa opened her eyes, as she hovered in place, giving herself time to adjust. When they locked eyes, Clarke felt the uncontrollable urge to thrust her hips upwards. She ended up gripping the furs with both hands to keep herself absolutely still. Just when she felt her alpha growl at her to either thrust up or flip them over, Lexa eased herself down several inches. Feeling herself wrapped in the tight velvet that was her omega, Clarke could honestly stay like that for the rest of her life and die a happy alpha. But then Lexa brought herself down the last few inches.

“Oh boy,” Clarke gasped out.

Lexa brought her hands to the bed around her thighs as she kept herself upright. Now that Clarke was completely surrounded by Lexa, she was able to relax her hands. Just when Clarke thought it couldn’t feel any better, Lexa pushed off from the bed bringing herself up before slapping pelvis back down with a satisfying smack. From this angle, Clarke could feel Lexa’s walls contract in a whole new way.

As Lexa started bringing her hips up and down in a slow, familiar rhythm, Clarke brought her hands up to Lexa’s waist. When Lexa would bring her hips up, Clarke would sink hers into the bed, only to thrust her hips up when Lexa brought her hips back down. Every time their hips met, Clarke saw stars. But more than that, she felt incredibly connected to the woman above her. Every breath, every flex, Clarke felt in sync with Lexa.

And Lexa was a sight to behold. Her eyelids were half-open, and she was biting on her bottom lip as she concentrated. A layer of sweat gave her body a sheen. Her breasts moved up and down every time Lexa brought her hips down, mesmerizing Clarke for more than a few strokes.

Eventually, Clarke could hear Lexa’s breathing pick up, and when she brought up her hips, they wouldn’t go as high. Clarke shifted her hands slowly from Lexa’s waist to her back, putting just enough pressure to guide Lexa down. When Lexa gave her an appreciative nod, she put her arms on either side of Clarke’s chest, and instead of raising her hips, she would pull herself forward and back. Aside from another delicious angle, it freed Clarke’s hips up to set the pace.

Clarke kissed Lexa above one of her eyebrows, before she took over most of the movement, giving her pregnant omega a break. But of course, Lexa had other ideas. As Clarke picked up the pace, she felt Lexa kissing her jaw, the kissing down her neck until Clarke felt Lexa’s lips around her scent gland. As soon as Lexa had made contact, Clarke’s alpha roared in her ear, _Mine!_ Clarke redoubled her efforts, feeling Lexa’s walls contract every which way around her. When she felt the slight prick of Lexa’s fangs toying with her neck, she felt her hips begin to stutter, and her concentration lag. But she was so close to her own finish, that she did her best to press on.

Worried that she might finish before her omega, Clarke sneaked one of her hands in between them. When she found Lexa’s sensitive bud, she began ministrations between the pads of her fingers and her thumb. When Lexa suddenly released her scent gland to yelp, Clarke relaxed her fingers. But Lexa gave her a sloppy kiss before she whispered, 

“Don’t stop, _ai hodnes_.”

And Clarke didn’t. She kept going for as long as could. Lexa moaning into her skin, doing everything she could to keep bury her screams. Just as Clarke began to feel pressure at the base of her shaft, the walls around her frantically contracted. Clarke could feel the pulse in Lexa’s clit go a mile a minute. When she felt herself release everything she had into Lexa, Clarke felt a sharp pain where her shoulder met her neck before everything around her disappeared and all she felt was a pleasure so intense that she was sure she came all over again. 

While she still had a coherent thought, Clarke brought her lips to Lexa’s scent gland, and without a second of hesitation, her fangs dropped and she bit down hard, breaking the skin and forever leaving her mark on the woman that she loved, _Leksa kom Trikru_. All at once, where there were two disparate souls only a few moments before, now there was one. 

###

Clarke woke up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat. She felt around for Lexa, only to realize that she was on the other side of their large bed. Clarke realized that she woke up not because she was hot, but because she had to pee. As quietly as she could, so as not to wake up Lexa, Clarke threw her legs over the side of the bed before she walked to the washroom.

Just as Clarke was about to sit on the toilet, something tapped her inner thigh. Something thick, veiny, and eight inches tapped her thigh. When Clarke reached in between her legs and felt what was unmistakably her own penis, flaccid, at least for now, her blood ran cold. When Clarke scanned the windowless room and realized that she could see everything as if it were daytime, she knew what she had all but already confirmed. Her rut came a week early.

“ _Oh, shit.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So they are kind of screwed, both literally and figuratively. What did you guys think? Would you guys have forgiven me if I ended the chapter after Clarke left Lexa? Did you guys like the call back to the drawing Clarke drew during Lexa's heat? 
> 
> As always guys, thank you for reading, if any of you plan on protesting, don't go alone, have a buddy(ies), there are good resources out there on what to bring, things you should keep in mind before you go out there. 
> 
> If you have any feedback feel free to drop a comment, they really make my day.
> 
> All the best,
> 
> biphi


	28. Together Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa wakes up to her mate in rut, she has to find a way to leave before she can get some errands out of the way first, in order for them to spend the day together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody!
> 
> This is a long one that I had fun writing, yes we have some smut with my traditional fluff accompanying it. I know people were pretty mad at Titus during last chapter and I am sorry to those of you who were fans of him (*****in this fic*****) before that. He does make an appearance briefly in this chapter. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!

**Lexa**

**One Day Until the Hearing**

When Lexa woke up, she inhaled a huge burst of intoxicating alpha musk. All of the heat in her body seemed to go straight between her legs. When she looked around the room to figure out where the source of that powerful scent was coming from, she found Clarke, sitting in one of the far corners of the room. Lexa was about to ask her what was wrong when she noticed how hard Clarke was breathing. Clarke was gripping her knees as if she was holding on to them for dear life. From where Lexa was on the bed, she couldn’t see Clarke’s eyes very well, but from what she could see, the cerulean of her irises was replaced with a glowing red.

Lexa tried to sit up, but she felt an overwhelming force, more like a need, to keep her head down. If she wasn’t sure before, her need to submit all but confirmed that Clarke had entered rut. Her rational brain was screaming at her about how inconvenient that was. But an increasing amount of her brain didn’t care. Visions of herself on all fours, presenting for her alpha as she slid her knot inside of her, tying them together permeated her mind, taking root above everything else.

“ _Klark_ ,” Lexa gasped out, “what are you doing over there?”

Clarke didn’t respond at first, except to put her hands flat against the wall. 

Eventually, Clarke growled out, “I am trying to keep myself away from you. I’m worried that if we start, I won’t be able to stop myself from…” Clarke’s whole body shuddered. 

Lexa pulled up the furs that were covering her body only to remember she was naked. After they exchanged mating marks late afternoon, they bathed each other, making jokes and whispering things in each other’s ears the whole time. Lexa asked Meela to send both of their dinners to Clarke’s quarters if only to avoid some poor staff member from having to smell the sex bomb that was Lexa’s quarters. Then they played a game of who could take off more of the other’s clothes while going up the stairs. She won, obviously, much to Clarke’s chagrin. As for what happened after that, well, based on the hickeys she could now see purple and angry all over her inner thighs and the dried red blood under her fingernails, they sealed their mating bond in style. 

Despite all of the sex they had last night, it was amazing how just taking in Clarke’s scent and seeing her now, red-eyed, and struggling to stay away from her, that Lexa could feel her desire going into overdrive. Slowly, Lexa swung her legs over the side of the bed and walked closer to Clarke in the back-right corner of her room. When she was about five feet from Clarke, she got on her knees, trying to make herself as small as possible before she showed her neck. 

Clarke’s entire body started shaking the moment she began walking over, but after a minute or two of Lexa’s submission, Lexa could see from her peripheral vision that Clarke had settled down. Lexa took the opportunity to take in a breath she had been holding since she got off the bed. That was a huge mistake. Once again, she smelled the blood-tinged metallic scent she had two days ago, but that was only until the rest of Clarke’s scent pulled her into a memory. 

Shortly after her first heat, Anya took her on one of the many missions to find Luna. Somehow, the intensity of Clarke’s rut-driven scent brought her back to that moment. She felt the sun beaming down on her face as she took in the unfamiliar smells of the ocean. Marveled at the saltwater coming up to her ankles after she kicked her boots off and rolled up her pants, even when Anya had told her not to. She dug her toes in the sand when she felt it slipping from under her feet and back into the water with the waves. It felt strange to be pulled in so deep into a memory of her _fos_ until she looked around and saw Clarke on the beach with her, wearing a wrap-around her torso that carried a sleeping pup, flat against her chest. Clarke was smiling as she reached out a hand for Lexa to hold. It was a beautiful image, almost like coming up for air after being so disoriented that she didn’t know which way is up. But Clarke’s alpha musk brought her back down to her more carnal desires. 

Every subsequent breath pulled her closer into Clarke’s gravitational pull. She didn’t realize that she was rocking back and forth until she stumbled forward onto her hands. Lexa cursed herself as she looked down at her posture. Now less than a few feet away from her mate in rut, on all fours, Lexa’s inner omega managed to get her to present. When she dared a look up at her mate, she saw that Clarke’s pupils had taken over her irises completely. Her nostrils were flared, as she no doubt could smell Lexa’s arousal that practically felt like it was dripping down her legs. Lexa could see that Clarke had resorted to digging her nails into her thighs. Lexa was doing everything she possibly could to avoid looking at Clarke’s crotch. In the current position she was in, the last thing she needed to see was the thing she wanted more than anything to be inside of her. Her imagination was bad enough. 

Lexa looked at the ground to avert her gaze from Clarke. A good thing too. When she saw the patterns of light from the windows hitting the wooden floors, she realized that a certain _fleimkeppa_ would be waiting for her upstairs soon. If she didn’t show up, he might go looking for her. The thought of Titus terrorizing her mate yesterday made Lexa want to tear his throat out. But with things as they were, Lexa had no choice but to make things appear as close to normal as she could. And if there were anything Lexa’s five years of hiding her presentation as _Heda_ had taught her to do, it was to put on a show. But she couldn’t just up and leave from her current position, a rut-free Clarke might have been able to understand, but as things were, Clarke’s alpha would perceive it as a challenge that would likely end with them on the bed. Lexa needed to get out of this position, but in the haze of pheromones around her, that was becoming increasingly unlikely. 

As if on cue, Lexa felt a particularly sharp jab in her lower abdomen. Without a doubt, that was the strongest kick she had felt yet. But more than that, their son gave Lexa an idea. It involved getting closer to Clarke, which was a gamble, but at this point, she didn’t have many other options. Slowly, Lexa crawled on all fours the rest of the distance so that her nose was touching Clarke’s knees, which were still raised. Without looking away from Clarke’s eyes, Lexa brought her knees under her body so she could sit with her legs crossed. It wasn’t as smooth as Lexa’s ego would have hoped. Her belly, now almost nineteen weeks along made the movement less than graceful. But it had the effect of bringing her belly into her lap. 

Slowly, she reached for Clarke’s tense hands, removing each nail from her skin one by one. Somewhere in Clarke’s rational brain, she got the message to cross her legs, bringing her knees close enough to touch Lexa’s knees. To say that touching Clarke’s rut scorched skin was difficult would be an incredible understatement. Every instinct was telling Lexa to be as connected to Clarke as possible. But the pup was particularly active at the moment, keeping her focused.

Lexa brought their entwined hands back to her belly. At the same time, she brought their foreheads together, closing her eyes. And then she waited. Amongst a couple of good kicks were consistent flutters. When she opened her eyes again, she saw that Clarke’s breathing had stabilized. Her irises, still blood red, had returned. Intermixed with the intense arousal pheromones of Clarke’s rut were the soothing pheromones that Lexa had learned to love so much. No other person’s soothing pheromones worked quite so well on her. 

Knowing that her time was running short, Lexa took advantage of the window she had given herself.

“ _Sonop, ai houmon._ ” (Morning, my mate)

Lexa gave Clarke a small smile, and she was relieved when Clarke returned it.

“Hey, Lex.”

“I know this is incredibly uncomfortable for you right now, and I do not envy you, but you are so strong,” Lexa cooed.

With the flattery out of the way, Lexa got to the hard part.

“I have a couple of things that I need to do this morning before we can spend any time together.”

“You have to leave.”

“Yes,” Lexa didn’t want there to be any misunderstandings.

“For how long?”

“An hour, at the most.”

Clarke closed her eyes and turned her face away slightly. After taking a deep breath, she said, 

“Do what you have to do, I can wait.” 

Relief washed over Lexa. 

“ _Mochof, ai hodnes._ ”

“Just hurry.” 

After swiftly getting up, Lexa could feel Clarke’s gaze follow her until she was out of her line of sight and in the washroom. Lexa scrubbed herself clean the way she used to scrub herself raw. She hated it, only this time it was for a different reason. Scrubbing off her mate felt like scrubbing herself off. In some ways, she was doing what she had always done. 

When she toweled herself clean, she cursed herself for not bringing her clothes into the bathroom with her. Now she was going to have to parade around her quarters with a towel around herself in front of her mate. Not for modesty, but because she was worried that prancing around her mate naked could put them back to square one. 

But when she walked out into her sleeping quarters, Clarke was still crouched in her corner. She had her knees back up to her chest, but she wasn’t digging her nails into her skin again. At least for now. Lexa furiously put her clothes and her armor back on, as it was after sunrise. Knowing that she wasn’t going to be performing any official duties as _Heda_ today, she tied her hair into a long thick braid down her back. As she started walking towards the door, she could hear Clarke through gritted teeth say, 

“Come back soon.”

Lexa looked over her should and gave Clarke a quick nod.

When Lexa closed the door, she told the sentries on either side of the double doors to refuse entry to anyone other than herself until she came back. Lexa hadn’t had a chance to eat breakfast yet, but she planned on making a quick stop to the kitchen floor before coming back to her quarters. Clarke wouldn’t have an appetite at all. Not until after they were tied. With every step she took away from her quarters, Lexa felt a greater loss at not being with her mate. She knew that it was partly because they just exchanged bites and that Clarke was in her rut, so it would get better over time. But she hadn’t anticipated how acutely she would feel like a part of her was still in that room. 

After a short trip in the lift, Lexa made it to the throne room. She made the walk across the carpet, up the dais, and behind the tapestry leading to the balcony. Standing on his perch, like always, with his hands behind his back, and his vision clearly on the city of Polis below him, was Titus.

“ _Os sonop, Titos._ ” (Good morning, Titus)

“ _Sonop, Heda._ ”

“ _Chit imfou dula op yu don gon ai deyon?_ ” (What messages do you have for me today?)

When Titus turned to face her, Lexa could see his eyes track the long braid down her back, and his nostrils flare slightly. Lexa had never been so thankful for the neutralizing medicine that interfered with a person’s sense of smell. It didn’t completely take it away, but after the scrub she just put herself through, Titus likely wouldn’t be able to smell any scent changes as a result of her exchanging marks with Clarke. But she didn’t want to push her luck.

“Brigham has made it to Polis. I have made Rex aware of this and he is looking forward to meeting his potential new _fos_ this afternoon.” 

“ _Os_ , I will rely on your judgement of their compatibility in the days ahead.”

Titus nodded.

“ _Chit ste neson?_ ” (What’s next?)

“King Roan has sent the letter that you requested.”

“ _En hkom oso Echo tel op yu som?_ ” (And has Echo told you anything?)

“No.”

Lexa let out a frustrated sigh, “Fine. Leave her locked up until the hearing is over. If all of us make it out of this hearing in one piece, I will go down there myself.”

“ _Sha, Heda_.”

“ _Chit ste neson?_ ” (What’s next?)

“All members of the Ascension Council have made it to Polis and are settling into their accommodations.”

Lexa nodded, “What did Ragnar think about our request?”

“The _Skaikru_ leader, Kane, will be allowed to speak at the hearing and represent the interests of _Skaikru_. But it has yet to be decided if he will have a vote.”

“Well, that’s something. Even if he doesn’t have a vote, his presence on the Council will help normalize _Skaikru_ as part of the _Kongeda_.”

“As you hoped.”

“Anything else?”

Lexa hoped there wasn’t. She had a few words to tell her _Fleimkeppa_ , but aside from that, her mind kept slipping. She wanted more than anything to get back to Clarke.

“Not from me.”

“ _Os_ ,” Lexa took a deep breath, “ _Titos_ , there is something else I need to talk to you about.” Titus didn’t say anything except to raise his chin. 

“If you ever threaten _Klark kom Skaikru_ again,” Titus tried to interrupt, “ _Heda, beja_ , I don’t know what that _Skaialpha_ told you.”

But Lexa just raised a hand to silence him. “Enough. I will not hear any of your excuses, I don’t care if you thought you were acting with my best interests at heart. You do not speak for me. You only speak on my behalf when I explicitly tell you to do so.”

The fear of Titus doing anything to hurt her mate brought out a wave of deep anger that surrounded them on the balcony. It was a primal instinct. A threat to Clarke was a threat to herself. But Lexa knew that to make too much of this response visible to Titus would only put both of them further in jeopardy. So Lexa took a deep breath, ending the release of anger pheromones.

But Lexa did growl out a final threat, “If you ever threaten Clarke again, I will make sure it is the last thing you do as _Fleimkeppa_.” Titus’ eyes grew to the size of saucers.

“Am I understood?”

“ _Sha, Heda_.” Titus bowed her head.

“ _Os._ ”

Lexa started making her way towards the entrance of the throne room before she turned her head over her shoulder,

“And one more thing. Cancel all of my engagements for the rest of the day. I need to prepare myself for the hearing tomorrow through intensive meditation and consultation with my past lives. Don’t even think of going to my living quarters to interrupt me unless there is an army at the city gates.”

Lexa didn’t wait for his response before she pushed the tapestry back and walked into the throne room. Lexa’s first instinct was to get back to her alpha. But when she felt her stomach grumble, she knew she should eat something first. Lexa decided to go directly to the kitchen floor and eat something down there. She knew that bringing food into her quarters was as good as not eating anything at all. She would likely forget all about the food as soon as she closed the door. Plus, she was hoping to catch Meela while she was down there.

When the doors opened to the kitchen floor, a vast array of smells hit Lexa all at once. There were no separate rooms on the floor, just one large room with the necessary support beams. One wall was lined with a huge wood-burning oven. Lexa could smell the fresh bread as it was being baked. It smelled so good. The remaining three walls were lined with countertops, each member of the kitchen staff had their own station. In the center of the room was a large stove with a huge pot with hot oats. When Lexa took a step forward, one of the cooks made eyes with her, and he whistled before saying, 

“ _Heda ste hir!_ ” (The Commander is here)

Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to face her. 

“ _At ease._ ” 

The staff went back to work, except for the cook who saw her in the first place. Ceto was a tall, barrel-chested man, with hands the size of dinner plates. He had honey-colored hair and fair skin. When Lexa was little, she used to sneak on to the floor and steal sweet cakes. She remembered getting caught once by Ceto, with his ice-blue eyes, he didn’t have to say anything, Lexa just put the cake back on the counter. When she tried to make a run for it, Ceto caught up with her and handed her the sweet cake before putting his pointer finger to his lips and winking. 

Ceto served his five years during the third _Azegeda/Trigeda_ War under _Heda_ Dax. He could have stayed in the army, but after five years as a _gona_ , he wanted to come home to Polis. It turned out he came from a long line of bakers. When Dax found out that he was leaving the army, he invited him to work in the Tower. Regardless of the reason, he always had a soft spot for Lexa, and after that first time she stole sweet cakes, he would slip her a treat any time she came down to the kitchen floor. 

Walking over to her now, Ceto had a huge smile on his face and a forearm out. Lexa offered her forearm in kind. Even after Lexa grew into adulthood, she was amazed at how much Ceto still towered over her, yet he could still make the most delicate of pastries. 

“ _Heda_ , Sasha has told me that when she went to deliver your meal this morning, she was refused by one of your sentries.”

“Yes, I was already on my way to see Titus, I didn’t want someone to send food to an empty room.”

“Fair enough.” 

“Now that my meeting with Titus is over, I was hoping to grab a quick meal now.” 

“Of course, _Heda_.”

Ceto walked toward the center of the room before he grabbed a clean bowl off of the table next to the stove and poured some oats into the bowl. He then returned to his own station and grabbed a spoonful of honey to drizzle on top of the oats before giving Lexa the bowl. Lexa took the bowl and began digging in, not realizing just how hungry she was before. Ceto laughed at her enthusiasm. When Lexa finished the bowl of oats, Ceto took the dirty bowl and handed them to a staff member going to the floor below where all dishes were cleaned. 

“ _Mochof_ , Ceto.”

“No thanks are necessary, _Heda_. Is there anything else I can get for you?”

“Yes, could you have someone prepare a basket of non-perishable food for me. Not a lot, just enough for the next day or so.”

Ceto arched an eyebrow, “going somewhere?”

“No, I am just planning on spending some time in my quarters that will require me not to be disturbed.”

Lexa leaned forward so only Ceto could hear, “I appreciate your discretion, of course.”

“ _Sha, Heda_.”

Just as Ceto himself started to prepare a basket, Lexa felt a hand on her shoulder. As she turned around, startled, she realized that it was Meela.

“You startled me.”

“I’m surprised to see you down here, _Heda_ ,” Meela arched an eyebrow.

“Oh, I was just getting some food for the day, I was planning on spending the rest of the day alone in my room meditating, in preparation for the hearing tomorrow.”

Meela’s face was unreadable, she just nodded, before she whispered, “Make sure you are being careful, _Leksa_.” 

“I will, _mochof,_ Meela.”

“Also, could you make sure that none of the staff interrupt me in my chambers today?”

“I will make sure they steer clear.”

“ _Mochof_.”

“I’m happy we crossed paths, I wanted to let you know that the alterations to your ceremonial robes have been completed.”

Lexa nodded in acknowledgment, before she said, “Can you send them up to my quarters tomorrow morning with my morning meal?”

“Of course, _Heda_.”

Just as they were wrapping up, Ceto had returned with a basket of food. 

“ _Mochof_ , Ceto.”

“ _Heda_.”

Ceto bowed his head before he exchanged a look with Meela. Lexa wasn’t entirely privy to what their interaction meant, but Ceto wordlessly returned to his workbench. Meela squeezed Lexa’s shoulder before she said, 

“I will leave you to your meditation.” 

Lexa nodded before she walked back to the lift, basket in hand. 

As Lexa stood in the lift, she felt nervous about heading back into her quarters. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be with Clarke, quite the opposite. Lexa just hoped that after they started, that she would be able to stop. Everything depended on her being able to do well in the hearing tomorrow. All she could hope for was well earned time with Clarke today, and maybe, that would be enough. When she reached her two sentries, she told them, 

“Could you both move closer to the lift, down the hall. I will be meditating all day and I request that no one disturbs me for the rest of the day.” 

In unison, they both said, “ _Sha, Heda._ ”

With nothing left for Lexa to do, she opened one of her double doors with her free hand, before she stepped inside. The door closed behind her, and Lexa took in a deep breath. After being away from Clarke’s scent, coming back into it drove her omega crazy. All she could do was run as quickly as possible to her dining table to set the food basket down before she dropped it on the ground unceremoniously. As Lexa felt her own body reacting to Clarke’s alpha musk, she was relieved that she made preparations so that they wouldn’t be disturbed.

Just as she felt her body heat up in her core, she noticed that Clarke wasn’t in the corner where Lexa last saw her. When Lexa took a step back, she felt Clarke’s arms wrap around her shoulders. She gasped when she felt Clarke’s nose against her scent gland. Lexa could feel Clarke’s hard member rubbing against her behind, making it hard for her to concentrate on anything else. In a voice uncharacteristically deep, Clarke whispered,

“You don’t smell enough like me.”

Lexa couldn’t help the shiver she felt down her spine. Her leather pants were already starting to get uncomfortably wet.

“I know, I had to make some arrangements for us to be together, uninterrupted.”

Clarke growled, “I hate that we have to hide our love from the world like this.”

Lexa was about to respond when Clarke began to suck on the scent gland that she had claimed the day before. Lexa moaned, she wanted more than anything to get out of the clothes she was wearing. Luckily for her, Clarke seemed more than happy to oblige. Lexa could feel Clarke move her hands to the buckles around her waist. Slowly, she unbuckled all of them, opening Lexa’s jacket, and exposing the thin shirt she was wearing underneath. When she had Lexa’s outer layers off, various pieces of armor on the ground, Lexa felt Clarke’s reach for the tie of her leather pants. In one fluid motion, she undid them and peeled Lexa’s pants and small clothes off. 

Lexa hummed as the air hit her suddenly exposed sex. Clarke was still behind her, but when she stuck two fingers between Lexa’s folds, Lexa involuntarily reared her hips back. Lexa brought her hand behind Clarke’s neck before she whispered,

“ _Hodnes_ , that feels amazing, but let me take my shirt off.” 

“No.”

“No?”

“Let me do it.”

Lexa nodded, the thrill of letting Clarke take full command quickening her pulse. That is until Clarke proceeded to touch her sex, ignoring her earlier request about her shirt. 

Lexa whined, “ _Klark, beja._ ”

Instead of saying anything, Clarke pulled her hand away and ripped the shirt off of Lexa’s back. _Well, that’s what I was trying to avoid_ , Lexa thought to herself. But when Clarke untied her chest wrap, it was gently, which Lexa couldn’t help but smile at. During their lovemaking last night, Clarke had been playing with her nipples. Which on its face, sounded amazing, and in the past, it had always been something that Lexa had enjoyed. But recently, Lexa had found her breasts to be tender, and as much as Lexa enjoyed a little pain with her pleasure, she was having a hard time enjoying it. 

All of which was to say, knowing how far into Clarke’s rut she had fallen, Lexa’s inner omega preened at the discovery that Clarke was still finding ways to take care of her. Lexa, now fully exposed, reached to turn around and face Clarke. But two firm hands went around her hips, preventing Lexa from turning around. Lexa couldn’t help but let out another whine until Clarke whispered into her ear,

“I just want to feel your body right now, okay?”

Despite all of the arousal pheromones around them, Lexa could smell some of Clarke’s soothing pheromones too. Lexa let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding before she nodded. Clarke began to kiss her neck, taking extra care around her scent gland. She had her right-hand flat in between Lexa’s breasts and her left hand protectively against Lexa’s navel. Lexa found herself alternating between purrs and moans, as she felt Clarke continue to explore her body. Clarke’s hands slowly moved all around her chest, hips, and waist. When she did brush a hand against her breasts, it was feather-light. Lexa could feel Clarke’s nipples against her back, erect and waiting for her to explore later. Her nipples might be sore, but that was no reason for her to avoid the beautiful view that Clarke’s breasts gave her. But for now, Lexa would be content with Clarke worshiping her body.

Of course, the moment that Lexa began to settle into Clarke’s ministrations, she felt Clarke pick her up bridal style as she carried her to the bed. Lexa gasped as she felt her back hit the furs. Clarke climbed up Lexa’s body until Clarke brought their lips together. Clarke was insistent, but not forceful. As much as Lexa felt herself ceding control to Clarke, she never felt unsafe. Clarke never put enough pressure on her, physically or otherwise, that Lexa couldn’t get out of it. It made it all the easier for Lexa to give in to her inner omega’s submissive instincts.

After Clarke had explored Lexa’s mouth for a couple of minutes, Lexa felt Clarke move down to her chin, then her jawline, before placing slow, wet kisses down Lexa’s neck. Lexa couldn’t help the wave of arousal that she felt herself release in anticipation of what Clarke was going to do next. When Lexa felt Clarke’s fangs brush up against her scent gland, she moaned louder than she would have wanted. Both of them were beyond caring who heard them.

When Clarke’s left hand touched Lexa’s right breast, Lexa grunted in pain. Clarke immediately pulled her hand back, bringing her head up so that Lexa could see her face. Clarke’s irises, still blood red, had returned, her eyebrows furrowed.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you–”

“Shhhh,” Lexa put a finger up to Clarke’s lips, “It’s okay, _hodnes_ ,” Lexa smiled, “I forgive you.” 

When Lexa brought her hand down, Clarke peppered feather-light kisses on both of Lexa’s breasts. The act wasn’t enough to cause any pain, but certainly, enough to cause Lexa’s areolas to pebble and her nipples to stand at attention. Lexa could tell the moment that Clarke noticed. Her eyes traveled to Lexa’s right nipple before she shared a look with Lexa. Lexa gave her a slight nod, and almost tentatively, Clarke brought her tongue flat across Lexa’s darkened nipple. Lexa couldn’t help but squirm, even under Clarke’s light touch. But Clarke was merciful, she didn’t hover unnecessarily. She made a quick swipe at Lexa’s left nipple, before moving further down Lexa’s body. 

Lexa felt Clarke place both hands on her belly. The heat radiating off of Clarke’s hands, and everywhere else that Lexa felt Clarke’s body touching her own, renewed Lexa’s arousal. But before Clarke would move her hands farther south, Clarke began kissing each of the stretch marks tracing the bulge of Lexa’s skin. As much as Lexa enjoyed Clarke being tender, Lexa was hoping for a little more stimulation. Of course, that’s what got them into this mess in the first place. 

Eventually, after what felt like every inch of Lexa’s belly had been kissed and loved, Clarke had placed a hand in between her thighs, pushing them apart and allowing Clarke to slot herself between them. Clarke brought her finger down to Lexa’s folds. When she realized how wet Lexa was, the grin that reached Clarke’s face was nothing short of diabolical. Lexa couldn’t help but release even more arousal just in anticipation of what Clarke was about to do. While her left hand begun slow, circular motions around Lexa’s clitoris, she used her right hand to stick one finger inside. 

Lexa felt the moan escape her mouth involuntarily. She closed her eyes, turning her head to the side in submission. She began to grind her hips into Clarke’s ministrations. Before long, she felt Clarke add a second finger and Lexa felt her inner muscles greedily holding on to them. Lexa's breathing quickened as Clarke brought her deeper into pleasure. When Lexa arched her back and wrapped the furs around her fists, Clarke whispered, 

“That’s it, Lex, breathe into it, _niron_.” (beloved) 

But Lexa wasn’t quite there yet when she opened her eyes, she gasped out, “More.”

Clarke started chuckling before she added a third finger and redoubled her speed with both hands. Clarke's fingers found the spongy spot on the front side of her opening that drew Lexa wild. Lexa felt her inner muscles contract and relax as Clarke charged forward with an unrelenting pace. When Lexa felt her inner walls contract sporadically, she said, 

“ _K-Klark_ ,” Lexa couldn’t help the click at the end of Clarke’s name. 

“Let go for me, my love,” Clarke whispered.

And let go she did. The pleasure exploded through her lower body, coming in waves and making Lexa feel weightless and a thousand pounds all at once. As Clarke slowed down, taking her through the aftershocks, Lexa felt boneless. But when she watched Clarke lick each of her fingers, Lexa couldn’t help the renewed sense of arousal that overwhelmed her. 

When Clarke stood up on her knees, all of Lexa’s attention was brought down to Clarke’s dick. The beautiful appendage glistened with precum. When Clarke stroked herself a few times, Lexa felt her mouth go completely dry. Lexa needed Clarke to be inside of her, and she needed it as quickly as possible. Instead of waiting for Clarke to ask her, Lexa rolled over and got on her knees and elbows, presenting herself to her mate. From behind her, she could hear Clarke whisper, 

“Oh, Lex.”

With her eyes facing the headboard, Lexa could hear Clarke repositioning herself. Lexa felt a hand on her right hip. Another hand rubbed the small of her back before it disappeared. After about a moment, Lexa felt two fingers plunge inside of her. When they were removed, Lexa assumed Clarke was spreading the arousal on herself to go in easier. She felt her inner walls contract as she imagined Clarke’s dick, slick and ready for her. She did her best to relax her muscles to make it as easy as possible for Clarke to stick herself inside. 

All at once, Lexa felt pressure in her outer ring of muscle as something thick rubbed up against her. The hand on her right hip squeezed ever so slightly. After a minute or two of Clarke pushing herself forward, Lexa felt something give and the entirety of her head popped inside. Her inner omega beamed at being together with her mate in this way during her alpha’s rut. If Clarke wasn’t in rut, this would have been the part when she slowly moved back and forth to allow Lexa some time to adjust. But as things were, Clarke had been very patient up until this point. So when Clarke pushed herself all the way forward until she was completely sheathed inside, Lexa had to bite her tongue to keep herself from yelping.

Clarke didn’t move once she was completely inside. But she leaned down and whispered into Lexa’s ear,

“I hope this feels as good for you as it does for me.”

Lexa had already regained composure and the stretch had lost its sting, so when she nodded it was truthful.

“I am going to start moving, okay?”

Once again, Lexa nodded, this time, more enthusiastically. Lexa felt Clarke lift her body away and place a hand on each hip. Clarke’s hips separated from her own before Clarke brought them back together with a satisfying slap. This happened a few times, slowly at first. The stretch was marvelous. Like always, the feel of Clarke’s foreskin dragging against Lexa’s front wall made her eyes roll to the back of her head. When Clarke increased the speed of her strokes, she placed her left hand on Lexa’s left shoulder.

Lexa had a hard time focusing on anything other than the sound of their hips clashing together and the pleasure she got every time Clarke moved. At one point, Clarke moved Lexa's legs further apart, bringing her hips lower. This provided a different angle of contact that made Lexa want to scream into the pillows in front of her. She couldn’t help but bring her hips back every time Clarke brought her hips forward.

Eventually, Clarke’s thrusts ended prematurely before her entire shaft was inside. Lexa was about to ask Clarke why she wasn’t bringing their hips together when she realized why. It had been almost five months. Five months since she felt Clarke’s knot sink inside of her, tying them together. Lexa did her best to turn around and make eyes with Clarke. When they held each other’s gaze, Lexa nodded, giving Clarke the go-ahead. Clarke nodded once in return before she started the process of burying herself inside.

It took a couple of minutes. Slowly, patiently, Lexa felt herself split apart further and further as more of Clarke’s knot got sucked in. When Clarke kept getting stuck at the widest part of her knot, Lexa felt Clarke remove her left hand from her shoulder as she brought it down to Lexa’s clit. Lexa saw stars as she felt herself closer than ever to reaching orgasm once again. Just as she felt herself ease over the edge, she felt her opening relax enough, and Clarke’s entire knot fell inside. Once they were tied, it didn’t take long for Clarke to fall over the edge with her.

Lexa preened as hot cum filled her up inside and a load that she didn’t know she was carrying seemed to fall away. She fell forward onto the bed just before Clarke fell on top of her. She felt the prick of Clarke’s fangs at her throat and when Clarke bit down, reopening the mating mark she made just yesterday, Lexa felt herself reaching climax all over again. After Clarke had released her, she purred into her neck, 

“ _Mine,_ ” before wrapping her left hand around Lexa’s belly. 

“Yours,” Lexa agreed. 

Clarke kissed her skin a few times before she whispered, “Let me roll us over so that you are more comfortable.”

Lexa nodded before Clarke rolled them over on their right sides. Similar to an omega’s heat, when an alpha is tied, the haze of rut abates for a little while before starting back up again within a few hours. But for now, Clarke had returned to herself. 

“How are you feeling, my love?”

“Filled,” Lexa chuckled before entwining her hand with Clarke’s that was holding her belly, “And loved, so loved.”

Lexa turned her head enough to give Clarke a peck on the lips. Clarke used her free right hand to pull the hair that had fallen out of Lexa’s braid and on to her face behind her ear. Lexa couldn’t help but purr at the delicate gesture. Clarke put her arm underneath Lexa’s body before wrapping it around Lexa’s shoulders bringing them impossibly closer together.

Clarke whispered, “I missed this. I missed us being together like this.”

Clarke kissed Lexa’s upper back. 

A question that had been gnawing at Lexa since she saw Clarke the first time almost three weeks ago came to the surface of her mind. She was almost embarrassed by the question. But she knew the math. An alpha has a rut every three months. She knew that Clarke must have had one when they were separated. She knew it wasn’t her right to ask, but she was prepared to accept the truth, whatever the answer was.

“Clarke?”

“ _Sha, ai hodnes_.”

“When you spent time away from your people,” Lexa paused, unsure of how to phrase the next part of her question. But she felt Clarke massaging the back of her hand, reassuring her to keep going.

“I mean, I know this isn’t fair of me to ask, and if you don’t want to answer I completely understand I–”

“I spent it alone.”

“Oh,” was all that Lexa could say.

“It’s not that I didn’t have an offer, but even when I was convinced that I never wanted to see you again, that I _hated_ you…”

Lexa felt Clarke press her forehead against her back before she kissed Lexa’s scent gland.

“It was miserable. I had never experienced a rut without Arc suppressants before. And,” Clarke paused, “as hard as was, as much as a part of me hoped for an unmated omega to find me,” Lexa had to bite her tongue to keep herself from growling at that part.

“All my alpha longed for was you.”

Lexa couldn’t help the smile that crept on her lips.

“Even though we didn’t exchange mating marks all those months ago, you certainly left your mark on me, Lex.”

Impeccable timing, as always, a certain pup decided that his nap time was over, delivering the most insistent slug.

“Clarke, I don’t think you can talk to me about leaving something behind after our time together five months ago.”

Lexa felt Clarke’s forehead lean against the back of her head, as Clarke started cracking up. When they both settled down, Clarke said,

“I can’t argue with that, wow,” Clarke stroked the spot where the pup’s kick could be felt through Lexa’s skin.

“I think he inherited his _nomon’s_ legs, my goodness. Is that what it feels like all of the time?”

Lexa sighed, “Well, he started less than a week ago, so I can’t say I am an expert, but it tends to fluctuate. Sometimes it’s powerful kicks, other times, little flutters, like what you felt earlier this morning. He takes breaks though.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“I have found that when my heart rate is up, he tends to settle down.” 

Clarke kissed the shell of her ear, “You mean?”

Lexa rolled her eyes, “Yes, Clarke, he often quiets down when we have sex. At least eventually.”

“What does that mean?”

“Well, I find that he is particularly active whenever you are around.”

“Really?” Clarke’s voice cracked.

Lexa nodded, “It is usually after we get started, when I get, ah, excited, that the kicking subsides.”

“He gets excited when I’m around?”

Lexa couldn’t help but smile at Clarke’s enthusiasm.

"He knows who his sire is."

As Clarke made a sweep of her skin, Lexa said, 

“For what it’s worth, I am super happy that he’s coming.”

“Even though it could make the hearing tomorrow more difficult?”

“He has given me so much joy already,” Lexa sighed, “and maybe a Commander isn’t supposed to be this happy. But when the previous Commander, Dax, told me that I would become the next Commander, he said that being an omega would uniquely position me to make the greatest change.”

Lexa couldn’t help but look down at her growing belly, “And there is nothing more synonymous with the omega experience than having pups.”

Clarke kissed Lexa’s shoulder.

“Maybe this was an experience I was meant to have.” 

Clarke started to purr behind her, the vibrations of her chest, hypnotic.

“Regardless, I am just happy that I get to experience it with you.”

Clarke was quiet for a long time, just purring softly, as Lexa began to dose off. It wasn’t until she was almost asleep that she heard Clarke whisper, 

“ _Ai hod yu in._ ”

“I love you, too, Clarke.” 

It was still the morning, but Lexa felt the lack of sleep from the night before hitting her all at once. She knew that her alpha’s rut would make an appearance soon enough. And considering that she would be spending the majority of the day tomorrow away from this room, she knew she had to sate Clarke’s appetites as best she could today. Not that being alone with Clarke for the rest of the day felt like a chore. More than anything, Lexa was convinced that being with Clarke, permanently, was the best decision she had made in a very long time. That was her last thought before she fell asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who thought that Clarke was a little soft (haha) during her rut, in my mind, ruts are a little different when an alpha's mate is already pregnant. Obviously the need to be with Lexa is still very present but the protectiveness is played up as well. 
> 
> I know that the last three chapters have all had smut in them, (not that I have heard any of you guys complaining 😉) and believe it or not, that wasn't intentional. For those of you who are equally if not more interested in the rest of the plot, I promise that is where we are going next. 
> 
> The next chapter will show the beginning of the hearing. Which of course means that it will be another Lexa chapter. For the next couple of chapters, I am thinking of doing one for each of their perspectives during a given timeframe just because for the majority of these chapters, Clarke and Lexa will be separated. I am super excited to bring you guys to the next phase of this story!
> 
> As always, thank you guys for reading, let me know what you think! 
> 
> Please stay safe out there COVID is still a thing, and systemic racism is always a thing (not that the people it hurts the most need to be reminded of that),
> 
> Biphi


	29. The Hearing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa gets ready for the hearing with the people that she loves before she faces the music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> I know, I know, it has been a long time since my last update. For those of you that haven't dipped into my recent comments, I am now back in the hospital and I am also filling out my applications for residency. All of which takes a fair amount of time. I will have more time again closer to October, so don't expect regular updates until then. That being said, I truly hope that this isn't the last update until then. 
> 
> All of that being said, I truly love and appreciate all of you sending comments of admiration for this fic! I just kindly ask that you bear with me, I know I have been talking up this hearing for months and then all of sudden you guys haven't had a taste of it, but don't worry, I am still very committed to this fic and to all of you. 
> 
> Here is a lengthy chapter for you all to sink your teeth into!
> 
> As always, thanks for reading.

**Lexa**

Lexa woke up early on the first day of hearings to be conducted by the Ascension Council. Despite knowing the stakes of the day, Lexa felt an overwhelming sense of calm. She wasn’t sure if it was due to the proximity to her mate, all but ensuring she felt safe, or if the flame’s positive feedback was the culprit. Either way, when Lexa opened her eyes as she threw her arms above her head in a stretch, she was ready to start the day.

As Lexa focused her gaze in front of her, she couldn’t help but smile as a pair of blood-red eyes looked back at her. They were both on their sides, facing each other on the bed. Clarke returned her soft smile, as she reached out a tentative hand to Lexa’s cheek. Lexa shifted her face to kiss Clarke’s palm before bringing her face back to the center. They spent the majority of their day yesterday in various states of togetherness. The last time they sealed their tie was a couple of hours ago, long enough for Clarke to shrink and for them to separate, but not enough for Clarke’s full rut to return. As much as Lexa was looking forward to getting this day started, if only to bring an end to the hearing, she was not looking forward to being away from Clarke, not for that long.

Of course, Lexa was always going to have to go through this alone. Even if Clarke wasn’t in rut, they still would have been separated. On the first day of an Ascension Council Hearing, the Commander always testified alone. Afterward, the Commander could request that the Council hear the testimonies of people to speak on their behalf, but ultimately it was up to the Council to decide if they would heed those requests. In addition, the Council can call for testimonies for and against the Commander’s position. But all of that would only be decided after each of the Council members got to ask the Commander their questions.

Clarke brought her out of her thoughts,

“How do you feel?”

Lexa lifted her gaze upwards as she considered how best to answer.

“Tired, but not exhausted,” Lexa brought her gaze back down to Clarke as she struggled to keep a straight face, “hungry.”

Clarke had brought the hand down from Lexa’s face and began stroking Lexa’s arm.

“You are always hungry these days.”

Lexa pretended to be offended before lightly punching Clarke in the shoulder.

“That was rude. Next time a tiny person is growing inside your body, you can tell me how much energy you require to function every day.”

A slightly panicked look appeared on Clarke’s face. She brought Lexa’s hands together before kissing them several times before she said,

“You’re right, that was stupid of me to say, I’m sorry. I guess I was trying to lighten the mood, considering what’s going to happen to you today. I can’t help but feel powerless to do anything for you.”

Lexa’s expression softened, “There’s no need to apologize, _hodnes_.”

Lexa broke into a small smile, arching one of her eyebrows before she said, “Just remember, the reason I’m hungry all of the time is because of you.”

Lexa playfully grabbed Clarke’s hand, bringing it down to the not-so-small bulge of her belly.

“You are responsible for this.”

Clarke arched an eyebrow right back, “Oh, yeah?”

Lexa nodded, bringing her gaze down to Clarke’s lips, before looking into Clarke’s eyes. Clarke lurched forward, lightly pinning Lexa down against the bed. Clarke brought her head down so that their noses were almost touching before she said,

“Because I distinctly remember both of us being there.”

Clarke was holding Lexa’s arms flexed with her hands at the level of her shoulders. Their pelvises were touching, and Clarke had her legs around Lexa’s hips. Lexa knew about fifty ways to get out from under Clarke. But for now, she was content to be under Clarke’s spell. Lexa felt her pulse quickening. They both stared at each other, breathing the same air, their shared arousal filling the space in between them.

When Lexa realized that Clarke’s pupils had fully dilated, she knew hers must have done the same. As much as she wanted to stay in this bubble with Clarke, she knew if they ended up touching each other, they might not be able to stop. Lexa closed her eyes, and turned her head to the side, both submitting to Clarke, and preventing them from holding each other hostage.

Lexa felt Clarke’s forehead rest against her own, “We have to stop, don’t we?”

Lexa took in a breath before she opened her eyes, “Yes.”

Clarke rolled off of her and laid flat on her back, staring up at the ceiling.

“Will I get to see you after?”

  
Clarke still had her eyes up towards the ceiling. There was a nervous energy to the question. Underneath this incredibly strong and powerful alpha was a woman who had lost so much.

“I wouldn’t want it any other way.” 

Clarke turned her head back towards her, the red of her eyes shining as she held Lexa’s gaze. Lexa closed her eyes before she took a deep breath, centering herself before she said, 

“I need you to do something for me while I am in the hearing.” 

“Name it.”

Lexa grabbed one of Clarke’s hands, kissing it before she said, “You will be safer if you spend the rest of the day in your quarters.”

Clarke let out a small growl, “Any space that I don’t share with you doesn’t feel like my quarters.”

Lexa pushed out some soothing pheromones, “I know, _ai hodnes_ , but you are less likely to be disturbed in your own space. I know I don’t have to tell you how important it is for you to stay in your room. If someone challenges you¬–”

“–I could do something that forces you to pick between me and the law, I understand.”

Lexa brought her body closer to Clarke’s before laying her head on Clarke’s chest. Clarke began to stroke Lexa’s hair. The feeling of Clarke’s fingers, gently going from the crown of her head to below her ears, was soothing. Lexa began to purr as she felt hypnotized by Clarke’s affection. Unfortunately, it was starting to feel a little too good, and she felt herself falling asleep. 

Lexa slowly started to sit up, refusing to let herself close her eyes. Lexa flashed Clarke a regretful smile when she turned her torso to face her mate. 

“Someone’s likely to come in here with fresh water for my bath, and Meela will no doubt show her face to check up on me. I think it would be best if you left sooner rather than later.”

Clarke made the most adorable pout before bringing her gaze back to Lexa. If they weren’t under so much pressure to pull this off, Lexa wasn’t entirely certain that she could have resisted the pout Clarke had given her. All Lexa could do was arch one of her eyebrows before pulling herself forward and off of the bed.

Lexa walked to one of her closets and found a clean nightgown for herself. Before she turned back towards the bed, she grabbed a second one for Clarke. She wasn’t about to ask Clarke to go back to her quarters naked, regardless of the hidden staircase. When she reached the bed and tossed the garment to Clarke, she smirked as she watched Clarke examine it.

“You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to. I’m sure that if you happen to see Ezra in the stairwell that he’d love the view.”

Clarke’s lips formed a straight line as she said, “Thanks,” before she sat up and pulled the nightgown on, “But he’s not the sibling I want looking at me.”

Lexa smiled before she walked up to Clarke, still sitting on the bed. She gave Clarke a quick kiss, careful not to linger for too long. When she broke it off, she placed a hand on the side of Clarke’s face. Before too long, the line that appeared in between Clarke’s eyebrows showed up.

“What’s wrong?”

“I am worried about you, that’s all.”

Clarke pulled her closer, putting a protective hand on her belly.

“I worry about both of you.”

Lexa put her remaining hand on the other side of Clarke’s face, keeping Clarke’s gaze directly on her face. She pumped out as many soothing pheromones as she could muster. Lexa did her best to school her features, hoping that a steady expression would help convince Clarke that what she was about to say was the truth.

“Listen to me. I understand why you are worried. I am too. There are no guarantees that this is going to work. That they will listen to my arguments and come to the conclusion that we are hoping for.”

Clarke looked down, but Lexa stroked Clarke’s cheek with her thumb until Clarke brought her eyes back up to Lexa’s.

“But you knew that when you decided to come back up those stairs two days ago. Yes, something could happen. But I can almost guarantee that it won’t happen today. So when you are cooped up in your old quarters all day today, I want you to remember that we will have today. Which is all anyone can promise, today, this moment, together.”

Clarke took a shaky breath before she brought her forehead against Lexa’s. In a voice as quiet as a whisper, Clarke said,

“Okay.”

After a few more reassurances and ‘I love you’s, Clarke left using the hidden stairwell. Before Lexa could be too upset about it, a knock at the door brought her the hot water that cleansed her body of the day before. Once Lexa was clean, she put on a fresh pair of pants and a light shirt. She heard a second knock at the door.

Meela entered her quarters with a tray of food in her right hand and something shiny and made out of leather over her left shoulder. Lexa watched as Meela’s eyes swept the room. Lexa could have sworn she saw Meela flare her nostrils for a fraction of a second. But before she could be entirely sure, Meela returned her face to complete composure. Lexa was never entirely sure how Meela felt about her relationship with Clarke. If she disapproved, she hadn’t taken the time to say so. But that was more likely a by-product of Lexa’s position than anything else, at least that’s what she told herself. Meela brought her out of her thoughts.

“Did Clarke go back to her own quarters?”

Lexa nodded, “I thought she would be safer, and less likely to be accidentally discovered if she remained in her own room for the rest of the day.”

Meela nodded before she brought the tray to Lexa’s dining table.

“I am sure the next few days are going to be difficult for her, being away from you.”

Meela pulled the article of clothing off of her shoulder, holding it up for Lexa to put on. Lexa hesitated. She looked at the beautiful cloak before bringing her gaze back up to Meela’s face.

“Come try this on, you can take it off before you start eating, I just want to see how it fits.”

Lexa walked towards Meela until she was right in front of her, before turning around and putting an arm in each sleeve. As soon as she had the ceremonial robe on, Lexa felt a renewed sense of purpose. The robes were black leather, soft from lack of use. The shoulder blades were covered in red velvet that was the same color as the cape attached to her pauldron. The symbol of the Commander was embroidered in the same red, about seven inches in diameter on the back of the robes. A thin black belt made out of the same leather as the robes themselves closed them in the front. One of the alterations made was to move where the belt sat. It used to sit at her waist. Worried that that would bring unwanted attention to her abdomen, Meela had it moved so that it closed under her chest. The bottom hem of the cloak hit mid-calf. 

Every Commander had a similar ceremonial robe made. Each robe was different and made specifically for that Commander. The same family of tanners procured the leather for generations, but a competition occurred amongst the leather workers of the city to decide who would design the robes. There were very few times that a Commander was expected to trade their armor for the robes. Any encounters with the Ascension Council required that a Commander wear them. A funeral of a prominent Clan leader was another reason. If a Commander was lucky enough to publicly announce their intentions to mate. Most importantly, Lexa knew that after her fight was over, someone would put the robes on her body one final time. She always thought it was a waste to set such beautiful pieces of clothing on fire. And yet, knowing that she might not even be _Heda_ when she died, a small part of her mourned the prospect of not being released with the same dignity of those who came before her. 

As soon as Lexa fastened the belt, she turned back towards Meela, whose smile made Lexa blush. Meela placed her hands behind her back. Lexa brought her hands out, looking at the fit.

“Spin around for me,” Meela said.

Lexa did a 360º turn before she asked, “you think I will be able to hide my pregnancy from them?”

Meela brought one of her hands up to her chin.

“I think that you should be okay. If this hearing was a week later, I don’t know if you could have pulled it off, to be honest.”

Lexa nodded as Meela reached out a hand, “Come on, take that off before your breakfast gets cold.”

After Lexa took off the robes and handed them to Meela. Meela hung the robes on the chair opposite Lexa.

“If it’s alright with you, I am going to braid your hair while you eat.”

As Lexa was getting settled into her chair, she nodded. But just as Meela stepped behind her chair, there was a third knock at her door. Meela walked around the dining table and opened the door. Standing in front of one of her double doors, was Ezra. When Meela stood aside, Lexa made eyes with her brother, who immediately said,

“Oh good, you haven’t done it yet.”

Lexa furrowed her eyebrows, “Done what?”

Ezra walked into the room, a smirk plain on his face, “had your hair braided yet.”

Ezra suddenly looked down at the ground before he said, “I was hoping you’d let me do it like you used to when we were kids.”

Lexa looked at Ezra before briefly looking back at Meela, who was still standing close to the door. Meela gave her a slight nod of encouragement before she said, “Of course.”

While Ezra was walking over to her, Lexa returned her attention to Meela,

“Thank you, Meela, for everything.”

Meela gave her a tight nod before she quietly left the room. With nowhere else to look but the food in front of her, Lexa began eating the oats and fruit that Meela had brought her this morning. She did her best to avoid moving her head as she brought spoonfuls to her mouth. Before long, Lexa felt confident fingers, long and calloused, combing through her hair. It had been a long time since Ezra had braided her hair. It’s not that he didn’t do a worthy job, but as time went on, and both of them had inherited more responsibilities, these quiet moments they shared seemed farther apart in time.

It was always so relaxing to have someone braid her hair. If Lexa wasn’t so hungry, she likely would have closed her eyes and let her mind drift away. A couple of minutes of silence had passed between them before Ezra spoke,

“How do you feel about today?”

Lexa had just put a strawberry in her mouth, giving her an extra moment to consider her response.

“I am of two minds. I am anxious to get the hearing over with, yet I feel nervous for what is to come this morning.”

Lexa could feel Ezra gently pull a section of hair away from her scalp as he said, “That’s understandable.” 

Both of them returned to their earlier silence as Lexa continued to eat. 

“Did Clarke return to her quarters this morning?”

Neither of them bothered with any pretenses about Lexa’s relationship to Clarke at this point. 

“Yes.”

“I do not envy her position at the moment. Being in rut without the close contact of one’s chosen omega can be incredibly painful.” 

“How did you know–”

“– _Leksa_ , you asked your sentries to remain at the lift instead of on either side of the doors to your quarters. Without the context of your relationship to Clarke, those on guard might not have been able to figure it out, but you know that I have.”

Ezra waited for a beat before he said, “And I haven’t seen you since we got back here. It didn’t take a lot for me to put two and two together.”

Lexa relented, “That makes sense.”

“Is she treating you well?”

Lexa huffed, “you know the answer to that question.”

“And you forget that I have spent my entire life taking care of you. I understand that my task of protecting your presentation may have come to an end, but I will always do what I can to ensure that you’re safe.”

“Even if you drive me crazy while you do it.”

“Exactly.”

Lexa couldn’t help but roll her eyes even though she knew Ezra couldn’t see it.

“Do you want me to check on Clarke for you?”

Lexa polished off the oats before she said, “I don’t think that’s wise. You could accidentally invoke a threat response.”

“Fair enough. Do you want me to tell her guards not to let anyone inside?”

That was a harder question for Lexa to answer than she had anticipated. Barring anyone from interfering with her might be the smartest decision, but it also might not be what Clarke wanted for herself. She didn’t have time to go down to ask her, and if Ezra went to see her himself, he was doing the exact thing they were hoping to avoid. She could ask one of the beta guards to go in there themselves, but the fewer people who knew Clarke was in rut, the better. If only she had thought to ask Clarke earlier. Lexa sighed. Knowing how important these next few days would be, she felt like she had no choice but to decide for Clarke.

“That’s probably for the best.”

“I will make sure to let them know.”

Lexa felt a kiss on the crown of her head before Ezra walked around her chair so that they could see each other’s faces. Lexa had finished the rest of her meal, the only thing she had left to do was apply her warpaint and her headpiece. But she was unwilling to move just yet. Ezra’s expression was soft as he walked around the table and placed his hands on the back of the chair adjacent to the one Lexa was sitting in.

“I know you can do this, that your whole life of selling yourself as one thing while in truth being another has made you the person to pull this off.”

Lexa could feel the sting of her eyes beginning to water, so she looked away.

“But I want you to know that no matter what happens, I am so proud of you and what you have accomplished.”

Lexa dared to look back up at Ezra, whose own eyes began to glisten with unshed tears. She brought a hand up to her face to wipe the tears away before she said,

“I love you too, Ezra.”

Ezra flashed her a small smile, before he composed himself.

“Do you want me to take this for you?”

Ezra motioned to the tray. It wasn’t typical for the Chief of the Guard to be taking dirty dishes back to the kitchen, but Lexa suspected that Ezra was looking for something to do. Lexa nodded before she said,

“ _Mochof, bro._ ” (Thank you, brother.)

Before either of them lingered on the sensitive nature of their conversation, Ezra picked up the tray and left her quarters, leaving her alone. Without much else to keep her in her quarters, Lexa quickly put on her warpaint and applied her headpiece. Lexa walked back to her dining table where her ceremonial robes were waiting for her. As soon as she had them on, she felt herself walk taller and hold her head high. Ready to face her future, Lexa left her quarters and stepped into the lift.

When Lexa stepped off of the lift, she walked down the hallway to the throne room where the doors were already open, a sentry on either side of the entrance. Unfortunately, it was hard to decide whether or not it could be considered a throne room with the throne removed. A long table was now on the dais, with six simple wooden chairs tucked in one side. Two shorter tables with four chairs apiece were on either side of the long table, forming a “U”. A single chair with a small desk and a glass of water was on the red carpet in front of the “U”.

In addition to the Commander-red banners hung along the wall, black banners with silver borders were in the spaces between them. The Ascension Council was here there was no doubt about that.

As soon as Lexa stepped into the room, all conversations amongst the members of the Ascension Council ceased. The sentries closed the doors behind them so that it was just Lexa and the thirteen members of the Ascension Council. And Kane. Speaking of, he was looking a little out of sorts. Lexa had set up for Kane to meet Ragnar when they got back to the Tower to brief him about the hearings. Of course, that didn’t mean that he would feel entirely comfortable with this group. In addition to Ragnar standing on the dais, the oldest members of the Ascension Council were standing behind the chairs they would eventually sit in. As members of the Ascension Council died or became unfit to serve, they were replaced with the next oldest member of the Order of the Flame from the same clan. Newest members of the Ascension Council sat in the chair at the left table closest to the doors, the farthest from the dais. The chair that Kane was standing in front of.

When Kane tried to smile at her, Lexa gave him the smallest of headshakes to dissuade him from revealing how well they knew each other. The last thing she needed was to be accused of trying to swing the vote. Lexa walked toward the chair meant for her, putting her hands on the back. She kept her shoulders squared, with her gaze directed at Ragnar.

Ragnar was a lithe man. He looked so much like his brother. He had the same piercing blue eyes, the same straight nose. But unlike Titus, his Order tattoo was not on the top of his head, but the side of his neck. His hair was sandy blond with streaks of white through his temples and in braids down his back. He a had trimmed beard that was closer to orange than blond. His robes were the same color as the red banners on the wall. All of the Council members were wearing robes that represented the color of their clan. 

Ragnar was in his fifties, a little older than Titus, but compared to his peers on the council, he was practically juvenile. Except for Kane, Ragnar was the youngest by about twenty years. Lexa inherited him as _Heda’s_ representative. He had already served two years out of his ten-year term by the time Lexa ascended. 

Ragnar spoke.

“ _Monin, Heda._ ” (Welcome, Commander)

Lexa nodded before Ragnar continued.

“We all know why we are here. To determine your right to command despite your presentation. There are a few matters we need to discuss before we get your testimony. But first,”

Ragnar took out a small knife from a pocket inside his robes. He pulled a bowl that Lexa hadn’t noticed on the table close to him before he said,

“ _Gon de jus_.” (For the blood)

Ragnar used the knife to prick his pointer finger, drawing several drops of black blood into the bowl. Both the knife and the bowl were passed amongst all members of the Ascension Council, each saying “ _Gon de jus_ ” before pricking their fingers. Eventually, the bowl reached Kane, who now had fourteen pairs of eyes trained on him. Without any fuss, he repeated the words before pricking his finger and allowing several red droplets to fall into the inky liquid already in the bowl. He then stood up and brought the knife and bowl to Lexa. 

Lexa looked at the intricately carved knife, the tip still covered in a mixture of red and black blood. The symbol or the Order had been carved into the grip. It was a beautiful knife, even rivaling some of the ones she had in her own collection. Before she could linger on that thought for too long, she looked back up at the members of the council before she said, 

“ _Gon de Kongeda_.” (For the Coalition)

She felt a sharp pain in her right pointer finger before she pulled the knife back. Blood began to collect at the wound she inflicted before she turned her finger down towards the bowl. After a few satisfactory dribbles, she placed the knife on the rim of the bowl before walking around the desk towards the dais. She handed Ragnar the bowl and turned around to walk towards her chair. 

Ragnar stuck two fingers into the contents of the bowl before bringing them down his forehead. He then placed the bowl back on the table before he said, 

“Now the Ascension Council hearing has begun.”

Everyone, including Lexa, then took their seats. After everyone had settled in, Ragnar said,

“Before we hear your testimony, _Heda_ , we need to discuss the role of our guest, Kane _kom Skaikru_.”

Ragnar paused a moment before he said, “As we confirmed, Kane does not have _shaidjus_. But at the request of the Commander, who felt that _Skaikru_ , as the newest clan in our sacred Coalition, deserved a voice on this Council. I am inclined to agree. Does anyone have any objections?”

Directly on his right, Dana _kom Boudalankru_ , wearing the slate-grey robes of Rock line, said,

“I do not have an objection I just want a clarification. Ragnar, as _Heda’s_ representative, you only vote in the case that there is a tie amongst the twelve of us. Seeing as the addition of a thirteenth member prohibits a tie from happening, are you, _Heda_ , willing to give up your voice on the Council in exchange for _Skaikru’s_ participation?” 

Lexa exchanged a brief look with Kane, then with Ragnar before she looked directly into the woman’s eyes,

“Yes.”

Equally as stoic, Dana said, “Then I see no reason to prohibit him from this hearing. Assuming that _Skaikru_ properly integrates into our people, it’s only a matter of time before they themselves produce their own _natblida_. Should they present as omega, they can take Kane’s seat on this council.” 

Telias _kom Trishanakru_ , the newest replacement on the Ascension Council piped up, “After they come of age and have provided their heirs to the Coalition, of course.” 

Lexa watched as Kane briefly chewed on the inside of his cheek. That was a discussion she hadn’t had with the leader of the _Skai_ people. Telias was sitting right next to Kane making it easy for him to watch Kane’s reaction. Thankfully, Kane recovered swiftly enough to nod, before too many assumptions could be made about his reaction. Ragnar pulled everyone’s attention back, 

“Then it’s settled. Kane will not only attend these hearings, but he will have all the privileges that come from being a member on this council, including his own time to question the Commander and requests for additional testimonials. When it comes time to make a decision, he will have a vote.” 

After a series of wordless nods in his direction, Ragnar said,

“This matter was brought to the council’s attention when the late Queen Nia _kom Azegeda_ challenged you to _solo gonplei_ after accusing you of being an omega. Instead of contradicting her, you pushed out your scent all but confirming your presentation. Is the information I just stated correct according to your version of events?”

“Yes.”

“In that case, I think it would be best to have you start from the beginning. When did you decide that you would hide your presentation?” 

“It wasn’t my decision.”

“What does that mean?”

“My predecessor, _Heda Dax kom Trikru_ , had sire’s intuition about my presentation. He pulled me aside after a lesson and told me that I would present as an omega in a week, but that I–”

“–My apologies, Dax had sire’s intuition about your presentation?”

“Yes, that’s correct.”

“Is that what he told you?”

“It’s what he told me, and he has shown me the memory from his perspective with the help of the Flame.”

“Did you know that he was your uncle by blood?”

“No. I only learned the true nature of our relationship through his shared memory.”

“Had anyone ever discussed your parents with you?”

Lexa took a moment to think about how she was going to frame her response.

“At that point, I knew my mother had died in childbirth, and that my father ran away shortly afterward, leaving my brother orphaned in the Tower.” 

Ragnar nodded before he said, “Proceed with your recounting.”

“When Dax told me that I would present as an omega, he said that the Spirit of the Commander had told him that I would someday become the next _Heda_ and that he would do everything in his power to help me achieve that.” 

There were several looks exchanged between members of the Council, a couple of them whispering things amongst one another. Ragnar brought everyone’s attention back with his next question.

“And what kinds of things did he do to ensure that you would ascend?”

Lexa steepled her hands before she said, “We trained a lot, one on one. And he enlisted the help of my _fos_ , Anya, whom I believe was the only person he ever told.” 

Ragnar arched an eyebrow, “You mean, he never told Titus?”

Lexa shook her head, “No. Titus did eventually find out, but that was only after Dax’s fight was over.”

“How were you able to hide your scent?”

Lexa turned up the right corner of her lips, “That was Anya’s idea. My brother and I have very similar base scents. After I had undergone my first heat, Ezra met us on the way to the gates of Polis and gave me a scent marked jacket to wear. With Dax’s permission, Ezra was allowed to train with the alpha _natblida_ , to cover my scent at a moment’s notice when necessary.”

“Was there ever a discussion about allowing you to take pheromone neutralizers like the members of the Order use?”

Lexa directed her gaze sideways before she looked back at Ragnar. 

“It was discussed, but Dax had concerns about someone so young taking them. Plus, he worried that the desensitizing side effect of the neutralizers could prevent me from reading the alphas around me in case I got challenged by one of the other _natblida_.”

Lexa hoped that the truth wouldn’t come as an insult. But it was a known fact that while the members of the Order avoided heats and the risk of releasing too tempting a scent for a nearby alpha to pass up, it effectively made them betas. 

“While I still had my heats to worry about, I developed a tight control of my pheromones.” 

“Did Dax have plans to ensure that you would win the conclave?”

“No. While he did take the time to ensure that I would be the strongest novitiate that I could be, he believed that any influence over the actual conclave itself could further stigmatize my claim once I won.”

“So he took all of that time to train you, risk his own Command, and the future of our people, on the chance that you would win?”

“He had faith in _Keryon_ and the wisdom of _Bekka Pramheda_ ,” Lexa said simply. When Ragnar didn’t immediately ask her another question, she continued,

“He had no way of knowing that the plague would wipe out the top contenders for the next Conclave. And even if he did, I was still only fourteen. I won against the remaining alpha _natblida_ with my own skill.”

Lexa saw a couple of pairs of furrowed eyebrows, council members shifting their positions in their seats as they waited their turn to ask questions and cast doubt on what Lexa was telling them.

Ragnar coughed before he said, “How did Titus find out about your presentation?”

“You would have to ask him about the specifics, but my understanding is that as Dax lay dying on his deathbed, suffering from the same plague that took my blood brothers and sisters, he gave Titus a letter. Dax made Titus swear to read it only after the Conclave was over.”

“What did the letter say?”

“Titus has never told me explicitly what was in the letter, and Dax has not shown me his memory of writing it.”

“Did Titus say anything about it to you after you won the Conclave, but before you Ascended?”

Lexa shook her head, “If Titus had any reservations about passing the Flame on to me, he didn’t show it. He didn’t tell me about the letter until after I had been _Heda_ for over a year.” 

“Did he refuse to tell you what the letter said?”

“To be honest, I never asked. When he brought it up, he said that Dax told him about me, and should I have won the Conclave, he didn’t want Titus to panic by finding out during the Ascension process.”

A brief moment of silence passed through the room. Despite the bond shared between Ragnar and Titus, Lexa never got the impression that they were particularly close. It wasn’t as if Titus was open about his personal life for Lexa to fully understand their relationship. But observing Ragnar now, with his lips forming a thin line, his eyebrows knitted together, Lexa knew that Titus had never shared this information with him. 

“I would like to move beyond your Ascension. How did you continue to hide your presentation despite the increased attention brought on after becoming _Heda_?”

“The two years I spent between presenting as an omega and ascending to _Heda_ gave me time to perfect my routine. Ezra became a member of my guard, scent-marking my jackets at night for me to wear during the day. When I would go into heat, either he or Anya would come to guard one of the bunkers. At least in the beginning, until Costia.” 

“If it was so important that an omega ascended, what was the point of having such elaborate methods of deception?”

Lexa did her best not to sound annoyed when she answered Ragnar.

“I understand that Dax felt it essential for me to ascend, to accomplish a vision for this Coalition that we could all be proud of,” Lexa sighed and looked down at her fingers, now flat on the table. Lexa brought her eyes back up to Ragnar’s before she said,

“But I inherited the fourth _Azegeda/Trigeda_ war. A war that could have ended very differently for the Coalition. For the first four years of my Command, and the time since my priority has been the safety of my people. I didn’t believe that I could accomplish that with people questioning my ability to lead at every decision.”

“But you won the war over a year ago. The reason that we are here is not because you decided to call this hearing yourself, but because Queen Nia forced your hand.” 

Lexa swallowed her lips as she resisted the urge to blurt outright that it had been her plan all along. But Lars, the _Azegeda_ representative, was one of the elder members of the Ascension Council. _Azegeda_ might not have been part of the Coalition until recently, but all twelve clans have had representation on this Council for over a century. If he knew that bringing her presentation to Nia’s attention was a calculated risk to get rid of the terrible queen and remind everyone of her own prowess, it could stoke tensions amongst the clans all over again. Even worse, Lars could try to sway the other members of the Council to vote against Lexa’s interests. So, she swallowed a little bit of her own pride, and subtly tried a little bit of her omega persuasion on the Council Members. 

“You are right, if it was my choice, I wouldn’t have come forward about my presentation, not yet. The _Maunon_ was barely behind us, _Azegeda_ had begun to encroach on _Trikru_ lands. Again.”

Lexa let her gaze fall on Lars, sitting next to Dana. But she didn’t want to hover for too long before she brought her attention back to Ragnar. 

“I knew that _Skaikru_ deserved a chance to become a part of the Coalition. The last thing I wanted was for my people, our people, to feel that they couldn’t trust their leader. If I had my way, I would have preferred that we could have enjoyed a period of peace, before I stepped into the sun.” 

Lexa could see Ragnar give her the smallest of nods. She felt the tiny spark of hope she had when she walked into the throne room grow just marginally bigger. The onslaught of questions was far from over, but if Lexa could keep bringing the focus back to her love of her people, maybe, just maybe, that would be enough. Lexa took a slow breath as she prepared for the next question Ragnar would throw at her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you guys think? 
> 
> When I started writing this chapter my intention was not to have such a lengthy lead up to the actual hearing, but the conversations just got longer and so here we are. 
> 
> Just an important distinction to avoid any confusion. Ezra does not know that Clarke and Lexa have mated. I know I didn't say this explicitly in the chapter, but the shirt that Lexa is wearing hides her mark. 
> 
> We are going to get Clarke's perspective during next chapter! No spoilers but I promise it won't just be her sitting in her room masturbating. 
> 
> As always guys, thank you for reading! Stay safe, wear a mask!
> 
> -Biphi


	30. What We Have to Lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waiting around while Lexa tries desperately to keep their world in tact proves to be a lot harder than Clarke anticipated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello, hello!
> 
> It's been a while since I have updated! It's October! A couple of things: 
> 
> We are still about a month out before you guys can expect regular updates from me as applications for me aren't due until October 21st. All of that being said, I will have more time now than I did during the past few months. 
> 
> If you live in the US: Please VOTE! Early voting is available in 20 states right now. 
> 
> Also I know a certain series finale happened and a certain legend returned to set to play a God. I have more thoughts about this please see end chapter notes for those.
> 
> Lastly: **TW** There is some descriptive violence towards the end of this chapter. I don't want to spoil too much, but I also don't want anyone who is uncomfortable with that to be unprepared. 
> 
> As always,
> 
> Thank you guys for reading, it's good to be back, and enjoy!

**Clarke**

Clarke wasn’t positive, but she was pretty sure that there were permanent tracks in the floor of her quarters she had paced so much in the last few hours. Every step down the hidden staircase that put more distance between her and Lexa drove her crazy. She couldn’t even pretend that it was just her rut-crazed alpha brain that missed the soothing nature of being with her mate. _Her mate_. She still hadn’t gotten used to saying that, even to herself. No, she was genuinely worried about her. 

When Lexa asked her to leave what had become their shared space, everything in Clarke’s body rejected that idea. It was bad enough that Lexa herself was going away; Clarke didn’t want to lose the nest that they had built and plastered with each other’s essences. But Lexa had used her omega persuasion, and Clarke was so weak for her smile that even in the midst of rut, she couldn’t say no. 

Clarke stopped pacing when she made it back to the windows. Despite the stakes of the Council Meeting, the people of Polis seemed to be fine to go about their business. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. If she really focused, she could smell hints of her mate on the wind, like whispers guiding her head towards the sky and pulling her eyes open to gaze upwards. When she stuck her head out of the window, she could see the balcony jutting out from the throne room above her. She hoped everything was going well up there. The lives of people she loved depended on it. 

As Clarke brought her head back into her quarters, she got another whiff of pine, earth, and fresh rain, but it was encased in alpha musk. Clarke’s ears perked up, and her nostrils flared; any semblance of composure she got from feeling Lexa’s presence against her skin a moment ago was replaced with territorial rage. What alpha was dumb enough to invade her space? Clarke found herself taking a defensive stance as she walked closer to the door. At the speed of the _Trigedasleng_ being spoken and the authoritative tone, she realized that it had to be Ezra. Clarke relaxed her stance enough to place her thumb and her forefinger to the bridge of her nose. 

_What was this, my first rut?_ Granted, she wasn’t entirely used to experiencing them without suppressants, her most recent rut aside. But being able to recognize familiar alpha scents during rut and choosing to override the urge to project dominance over every alpha that is in proximity was a skill every alpha needed to learn. In the tight quarters of the Ark, it was vital that young alphas mastered this level of control as it was almost impossible to irradicate the alpha scents nearby. It is never entirely comfortable for any alpha to be around other alphas during rut, and accidents still happened. But Clarke used to pride herself on being able to push past her primal urges to best serve the people around her. 

But that was all before she met Lexa. Clarke brought her fingers down from her face and shook her head to herself. Mated alphas were supposed to have more control, not less. They had proven themselves worthy to a willing mate and thus didn’t need to preen in front of potential mates. A mated alpha’s rut is supposed to be a little less taxing on everyone around them because they already had a chemical, physiological bond with someone who could soothe and even bask in the alpha’s predicament. _But that was just it wasn’t it?_ Lexa wasn’t there, and Clarke couldn’t protect her. Instead of having her mate to temper her, she had no one. The pit in Clarke’s stomach seemed to twist in on itself as it dawned on her just how difficult this week was going to be. 

Clarke turned her attention back towards the door. If she was lucky, Ezra was still there, and she could stand to be in his presence long enough to ask if he had heard anything about what was going on upstairs. Clarke took one step forward when she remembered that she was still entirely naked. _Let’s just flash everyone out there, nice one Griffin._ Clarke hustled over to the closets along the wall and reached for yet another one of the silky nightgowns that Lexa had stocked her closets with. This one was more of a robe than a nightgown. The robe was a cranberry color with gold accents on the sleeves and lapel. As she tied it off at the waist, she squared her shoulders and stood up straight. If she had to wear anything during her rut when even the outer layer of her skin felt like it was too much, at least she would look like royalty. When she gave herself a final up and down, she noticed a particularly large bulge in between her legs. 

Clarke rolled her eyes, _if they can’t smell that I’m in rut through the doors, I guess they will all see it._ Resigned, she did her best to walk to the door without her jaw clenched, or any hostility in her scent. Every step was farther away from the window and her mate’s scent on the wind. Clarke did her best to focus on the parts of Ezra’s scent that mirrored Lexa’s as she approached the door. At least, that was the plan, until a second alpha scent reached her nostrils. 

Bellamy’s smokey firewood scent was laced with anger and hostility. Clarke could hear him raise his voice, just as Ezra switched to English and began flashing a warning through his scent. Clarke ran the last few strides and ripped open the door. What she saw caused her blood to boil and her vision to tinge red. 

The two beta centurions on either side of her doors had their glaives drawn and pointed towards Bellamy, who did not have a weapon but had his fists clenched and up protecting his face. Ezra’s brow was furrowed, the large vein going down his forehead prominent. His dominant hand was on his long sword sheathed on his back, but he hadn’t yet taken a hostile posture. He had his other hand up as if to temper the situation. Even if his scent wasn’t entirely peaceful, at least he had the sense to avoid drawing first. 

Clarke could feel rather than smell her scent sour as dominance began to ooze from her pores. Before anyone had a chance to say anything, both centurions, betas that she didn’t recognize, fell to their knees with their necks exposed. While still furious, Clarke’s alpha seemed to bask at the sight of both Ezra and Bellamy wobbling their knees. She could have let the show of dominance go on longer if only to ensure that both of them knew who was the strongest alpha in the area, but a little voice in the back of her head that sounded suspiciously like Lexa’s told her that it wasn’t the best idea. So she tempered it as best as she could, given her current state, before just growling out,

“Both of you, inside. Now.”

Ezra looked like he was going to fight her on this, but when she angled her chin up and crossed her arms, he brought his head down and remained quiet. Bellamy had a hint of a smirk on his face. Clarke wasn’t entirely sure what happened before she opened the door, but when she flashed him the same look that she gave Ezra, his expression sobered as he followed Ezra past Clarke and into her quarters.

Before Clarke closed the doors, she turned her attention back to the centurions, who looked a little worse for wear. They were regaining their footing when she told them, 

“I don’t want any of what you saw here getting back to _Heda._ She is going through enough as it is. That also applies to Titus. I don’t care what he threatens you with, if I find out that either of you has spoken to him, you can rest assured that you will be receiving the wrath of _Wanheda,_ and I doubt that either of you wants to experience that.”

Both shook their heads before returning to their posts on either side of the door. When they each brought their gazes straight ahead, Clarke closed the doors and looked at the two sheepish alphas standing before her. Clarke brought her hands to her temples. Being this close to two alphas, however familiar she was with both of them, was giving her a headache and straining her temper. She caught both of them with their nostrils flared, and their eyes traveling down to her groin before averting their gazes. At this point, she was so frustrated with both of them that she didn’t care. Clarke walked further into her quarters in the hopes that she could avoid all of their scents congregating in the entryway. Her actions didn’t seem to help, and Bellamy's and Ezra's scents burned the mucosal tissue in her nostrils the longer they were there. She had no doubt they felt the same about her rut scent. When neither of them spoke, she said,

“What the hell happened out there?”

As if all they needed was her approval to open their mouths, both alphas began talking at the same time. When neither of them ceded the floor to the other, Clarke could feel her own anger bubble up and the scarlet haze return. 

“ _Enough_. Ezra, you were here first, tell me what you were doing here at all.”

Ezra looked at Clarke briefly before training his gaze back at Bellamy.

“I came to this floor to tell the centurions guarding your door not to let anyone inside without mine or _Leksa’s_ consent first.”

Clarke didn’t like the feeling she got that decisions were being made on her behalf. She crossed her arms and tried to focus on how uncomfortable her robe was instead of how stifled she felt being in a room with these two alphas. 

“Why?”

The typically confident Ezra took half a step backward, his eyebrows raised. He dropped his gaze before he responded.

“ _Leksa_ and I were worried that potential visitors, while she was away, was not the best idea, given that you are in rut.” Ezra looked at Clarke before he said, “she meant to ask you this morning but forgot before she had the chance to. In an abundance of caution, I offered to tell the centurions myself.”

Clarke’s headache started to throb, “I see.”

Clarke felt her own eyes glaze as she considered the information Ezra had given her. On the one hand, she was a little frustrated that Lexa would make that decision for her, but on the other, she knew they were a little distracted right before she left. And based on how she felt her body responding to the current situation, she had a hard time arguing that such a measure was a bad idea. All of this compartmentalizing was exhausting. All she wanted was to be with her mate, and instead, she was stuck mediating between the two alphas who were acting like pups in front of her. 

Clarke brought Ezra’s face back into focus before she said, “Okay, so you talked to the centurions, and then what happened?” 

“I was just about to leave this floor to go about the rest of my duties when this _branwada_ ,” Ezra brought attention back to Bellamy, who had his arms crossed, his fingers digging into the skin of his biceps, “bounded off the lift and demanded to speak with you.” 

Before either Clarke or Bellamy could respond, Ezra continued, “Just like when he brought weapons up to the throne room two weeks ago, he refused to accept our rules and customs.”

Bellamy snapped, taking a few steps toward Ezra waving a hand in his face, 

“Hey, the only reason I did that was that I was told by one of you," he pointed to Ezra, "that my family,” he motioned to Clarke, “was being attacked. And it turned out to be right, except the attack happened at Mount Weather, where one of you murdered my mate and dozens of other people from the Ark.” 

Ezra opened his mouth to respond, but Bellamy continued, “And I came here this morning because Clarke and I made arrangements to spar today.”

_Shit._ Clarke thought Bellamy was right. They had made plans to spar again, but that was over 48 hours ago. So much had changed since then. And she never got the chance to tell him that she would have to cancel. The idea of sparring to get out some of her frustrations sounded pretty good right about now. If she couldn’t be with Lexa, at least she could tire herself out. But sparring with anyone other than betas seemed dangerous. If everyone survived this day, if everyone survived this conversation, Clarke promised herself that she would ask Lexa if she could arrange some sparring time with someone tomorrow. Pushing that aside, Clarke was brought back to the conversation when she felt Bellamy’s gaze back on her, his features softening a fraction. 

“When he told me that I couldn’t see you, I got worried that something had happened. He never bothered to tell me that you were in rut, or I would’ve understood and gone my own way.”

Ezra narrowed his eyes before he said, “Would you have even believed me? You have made it quite clear that you see all of us from the _Kongeda_ as the same, and you don’t appear to trust anything one of us says.”

Bellamy crossed his arms again, “That’s not fair. Despite all of the evidence I have that grounders should not be trusted, I am here, trying to give Lexa a chance, trying to give you all a chance.” 

Ezra shook his head, “No. You are here for her. Because you don’t trust us to keep Clarke safe.”

Any good faith Clarke had for this conversation rapidly evaporated. If she let either of them continue, there was a good chance that one of them, or both, could end up dead. Through gritted teeth, Clarke spit out, 

“I have heard enough, both of you are wrong, and frankly, if you both don’t leave soon, I will do something that all of us will regret.” 

Clarke turned her attention back to Ezra, “Unless you have some news for me about how the trial is going, it’s time for you to leave.”

Clarke then turned to Bellamy, “Bell, find something else to do for the next few days, go see the city, talk to Meela, find a book honestly, I don’t really care. The only person I want to see in the next few days is Lexa, and since neither of you is her, _get out!_ ”

Both alphas hung their heads before they scurried out. Before the door had closed shut, Clarke tore her robe off and began ripping the beautiful garment to shreds. Despite the lack of sleep from the night before, Clarke still felt wired and full of energy desperate to be expelled. Clarke went into her closet to pull out a used pair of small clothes she stole from Lexa’s room. She had been waiting to use them until she absolutely needed to.

Clarke found her way back to her bed and placed the grounder underwear smelling so much like her mate over her nose. With her eyes staring at the ceiling, at least until she closed them, Clarke began stroking herself as she imagined that it was Lexa’s hands around her shaft. That the glorious musk coming from the underwear was fresh and coming from her mate. Her mate, whose body was preparing to receive her. Clarke groaned both out of pleasure and frustration. She didn’t know if she could do this.

###

Miraculously, after emptying herself a few times, Clarke was able to fall into a light sleep. She never truly felt like she was unaware of the space around her, but enough that her conscious mind ceded control. She was pulled out of her trance when she could hear the centurions switching over to the next shift. Another set of betas she didn’t recognize. Clarke wondered what had happened to Ryder or any of the other betas she had familiarized herself with over the past few weeks. Somehow that brought her thoughts back to Ezra, which in turn made her think of Lexa. The twitch in her dick reminded her that a certain need wasn’t going away any time soon. With the undergarment still over her nose, Clarke put her hands over her eyes. Somehow, she felt like this would be the longest and most drawn-out rut she ever experienced, and that included the time when she was alone in the forest.

About an hour after the changing of the guard, a third mild scent hit her nostrils. Clarke furrowed her eyebrows and pulled the undergarment off of her face. Still completely naked, Clarke barely had enough time to sit up before Titus had pushed open one of the doors. 

The bald man had walked into the room and shut the door behind him. His eyes narrowed as his nostrils flared, no doubt taking in the stench of alpha rut. Titus had the surprising decency not to walk past the small dining set, leaving him less than halfway between the doors and the bed. No doubt for his own safety than any regard for Clarke’s own modesty.

Clarke had her legs hanging over the front of the bed. Her hands were gripping the furs on either side of her as she had her torso leaning forward. Her alphahood was on clear display, touching the skin of her abdomen while she was hunched forward. The headache that had just barely receded returned with a vengeance, gripping her temples and making everything around her appear to glow.

“What do you want, Titus?” Clarke growled.

“I wanted confirmation myself that you were in rut.”

“It’s not like I can control when that happens,” Clarke stated back.

Titus took a step forward, “That may be true, but I am sure you know as well as I that there are places you could have gone when you felt it starting, safe places for alphas to ride out their ruts alone. Or with an omega, I am sure either one could have been suitable for you.”

Titus turned his body to face the seating area of her quarters, taking an additional step towards the same chair he sat in two days ago before he said,

“Instead, you chose to stay here, during one of if not the most important weeks of _Heda’s_ rule.” 

Clarke crossed her arms, “Titus, I think we know each other better than that, you think you know how Lexa and I feel about each other. You know that she would want to spend my rut with me despite your attempts to break us apart.” 

That got Titus to stop walking and even turn around. His eyebrows furrowed, 

“Of course, I know that. If you cared about her, you would have left for her sake.”

Clarke wanted more than anything to get up in his face, to tell him he was wrong. But that same little voice that told her to bring the two alphas into her quarters instead of having it out in the hallway was telling her that she should remain as far away from Titus as possible. 

Clarke began to grind her teeth. Titus took another step towards the bed. Clarke was doing everything she could to avoid exploding at him. All of the frustration that she felt at being away from Lexa, the conversation between Ezra and Bellamy that likely she would have to revisit for this whole arrangement to work, and all of the pent up need she had had all day. 

“You don’t know what that would have been asking me to do.” It was bad enough that she had to be two floors below her mate, let alone outside of the city. 

When Titus took another step closer to her, Clarke had to bite the inside of her cheek to distract herself from the outrageous arrogance of this omega standing before her. 

“I told you that if you did anything to distract her during this trial that I would personally ensure the destruction of _Skaikru_. Do not think that just because you managed to stay with her so far that you have more influence over her than I do.” 

Clarke could feel her body responding to his threats. The whooshing of blood pumping filled her ears. Her nostrils flared. She couldn’t help the hostile pheromones surrounding them. Titus had already fallen to his knees, but he remained defiant, with his head held high. Clarke would have even been impressed at his resistance if she was observing it from the outside. But at this point, he was threatening her people. 

When Clarke tasted blood, she at first thought it was from how hard she was biting down on her cheek, but that was only partly true. Once again, everything seemed too red when she looked around the room. This compounded on the glowing effect that her headache had caused, made everything around her seem almost cartoonlike. Her tongue felt like it was made of lead, every word a struggle to eke out. 

“What makes you think that you can better help her than I can?”

Titus scoffed, “You silly girl. I served one of the longest-reigning _Hedas_ through multiple wars. I lost my pups fighting in them. Any so-called progress that he is credited for making was because of my help and guidance. I have served and sacrificed everything an omega could for this _Kongeda,_ and I will do so until my dying breath.”

Sometime between Titus calling her a silly girl and ‘so-called progress,’ Clarke hit a breaking point. She stood up and got right in his face, little voice be damned. Unfortunately, when Titus had finished speaking, he looked up at her and gasped. As if on cue, a certain bite mark started to burn, whether that was because of something happening in the throne room or because Lexa herself was sensing what was going on here, Clarke wasn’t entirely sure. But she wished more than anything that she listened to that little voice telling her to remain as far away as possible with her hair hiding most of the evidence of their mating bond. 

Clarke could see the math Titus was doing in his head all over his face. He looked at the exposed mark before looking at her eyes before looking back at her mark again. The usually stoic man’s face went through several emotions from rage to sadness to what could only be disappointment and back all over again. 

The only thing stopping Clarke from doing anything yet was the shock of what just happened. Titus brought her back to herself when he said, 

“She lied.”

“Yes.”

“You are the sire.”

“Yes.”

“And you two are mated.”

“Yes.” 

Titus looked down at the ground for a moment. Clarke thought he might have been submitting, except this was Titus, and that would never happen, not without her forcibly making it happen. But he brought his face upward. Clarke had never seen him so defeated. His eyes were looking straight ahead as if he was looking right through her. Where his mind had traveled to, Clarke had no idea. It was almost as if he had aged twenty years in the past few minutes.

“Then, I failed her.”

“What do you mean, you failed her?”

Titus startled as if he had forgotten that Clarke was standing right in front of him.

“I spent my whole career as _Fleimkeepa_ with Lexa and Dax before her, working towards equality for all regardless of presentation. Before Dax had ever voiced hopes that omegas could fight in the conclave, we worked to allow them to be generals. Lexa becoming _Heda_ was more than just some strange intuition that Dax had one day. She was supposed to be the culmination of everything we were working towards. And I failed her.”

Clarke felt her heart slow during this dramatic change in Titus’ demeanor, but that didn’t change the fact that this trance he seemed to be under prevented him from actually answering her question. 

“I still don’t understand–”

“–All of this was to prove that an omega _Heda_ could separate themselves from their personal feelings to focus on the _Kongeda_ just as well as any alpha _Heda_ could.”

Titus attempted to get back on his feet. It was ill-advised. He ended up back on his knees and further slumped over. 

“Lexa has done more than enough to show that she will put her people above those she loves.”

“Don’t you get it? As soon as the Ascension Council finds out about this, whether that is now or a year from now or ten years from now, they will remove the flame, and it will not be peacefully. They will string her up and take their cuts.”

Clarke growled, “Careful now.”

“And it will be your fault.”

“Titus, if you don’t stop–”

“–Or what? You already got her pregnant you already mated her. You might as well have been the one to plunge your knife–”

Something in Clarke finally snapped. She was done. She had had it with this pompous asshole. To talk about her mate’s death this way, it was outrageous. She might not have done what she did next if she wasn’t in rut, if Lexa wasn’t her mate, the ifs could go on forever. With the power of rut and the adrenaline from the rage she felt, Clarke grabbed Titus by the neck and forced him backward. The pheromones she was releasing prevented him from moving as she kept throwing his head into the floor. But unlike when she was with Pike, there was no one there to stop her. He didn’t have time to scream before enough blows to the back of his skull prevented him from doing so. A black pool of blood started to form after a few chilling crunches of Titus’ skull. But Clarke didn’t stop. Not until he was unrecognizable. She didn’t realize she was crying until she noticed clear drops falling on to Titus’ mangled face. As a tear rolled down his cheek, Clarke whipped her hands away. She jumped off of his body and stumbled backward. The walls seemed to be closing in on her. All she could do now was look out the window at a cloudless sky.

_What did I do?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy! Clarke really got herself into some deep shit this time. As you guys can probably imagine, shit's about to go sideways. I know I have mentioned this earlier, and that some of you liked the dimensions I was writing for Titus, and I would agree that there was even more stuff on the table here to explore with him, but to be honest with you, he's not really our story here, but there will be consequences for Clarke's actions. I look forward to all of your speculations in the comments!
> 
> So as some of you know, I was one of the people who continued to watch the show all the way to the end. For those that care, here is a brief summary of my thoughts in general and on ADC's appearence.  
> -The final season was garbage, and I'm honestly quite sad at how they botched that final season. There was so much potential and I feel that they really squandered it and wasted all of our time  
> -There are a lot of rumors out there about JR and Bob, and Bellarkes in the past have been toxic to Clexa stans however, I think the writers did Bellamy Blake dirty and I think the show was weaker for how it handled what happened and a lot of fishy stuff seemed to happen behind the scenes that we don't know about  
> -Seeing ADC rock that iconic costume one more time, looking even better than she did four years ago made my heart so happy even if it wasn't really Lexa  
> -I have so many mixed feelings about the way that JR chose to use the amazing opportunity to have ADC on set again  
> -I am also really stoked that the fans can completely take it from here and cannot wait to read all of the fix-it fics that are happening (I've already read a couple that made me cry so if anyone has some more recs or needs a few let me know)
> 
> I could go on forever about this, but I know that's not why most of you come here. Just know that if any of you guys need to get something about S7, ADC's appearence, etc. off of your chest, feel free to drop any comments and I will listen to you. 
> 
> As always guys, thank you so much for reading, if you have any other thoughts about this fic or this chapter please feel free to drop a comment. 
> 
> Love you guys!  
> -Biphi


	31. All We Have Left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa deals with the fallout of last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was earlier than I expected to have another chapter for you guys. But I am excited to see what you guys think about this one. 
> 
> Also I have begun the non glamorous work of tidying up my previous chapters starting with chapter one. If you have just recently read them no need to worry, you don't have to go back to read them. Nothing drastic has changed. But I really felt like some of the writing could be improved particularly in the earlier stuff. For those of you who have been with me through the long haul, there are some new details here and there but if you feel the need to brush up on some the earlier stuff, you might find a few sections that sound different than what you remember. I am through chapter 9 in revisions.

**Lexa**

Lexa fought the urge to readjust her posture. Her hips were killing her after sitting in the same spot for over five hours. Five hours of Council members asking her questions that she had no choice but to answer. So far, all six Council members on the dais had asked their questions, and the last Council member at the table to Ragnar’s right, _Oni kom Louwoda Klironkru,_ had just asked their last question. They didn’t linger on questions that other members of the Council had already asked, unlike _Kern kom Sankru,_ who asked his questions before them and had repeated many of the questions that _Lars kom Azegeda_ asked over three hours ago. 

By the time the second half of the Council members had the floor, most of the relevant questions had already been asked by the senior members. The remaining members would either reiterate questions that previous members already asked, likely because they found Lexa’s answers unsatisfactory. Or they would split hairs, asking very specific follow up questions that didn’t elicit relevant information. Either way, knowing that Lexa only had to sit still in that uncomfortable chair for the four final members to ask their questions gave her some relief. 

So far, the questions that the Council as a whole asked were fair, even if a couple of them made Lexa a little uncomfortable. Particularly questions about Costia, or any potential relationship she would have in the future. But Ragnar did a good job of framing her case with the questions he asked. 

Lexa reached for the glass of water on her desk before Jes _kom Delphikru_ began to ask her questions. As the ceramic cup touched her lips, a searing pain erupted from Lexa’s mating mark. Thankfully, Lexa was able to hide a hiss escaping her lips with the cup still near her mouth. If Lexa didn’t know better, she would have put a hand to her neck to see if her ceremonial robes had caught on fire. Before she had time to figure out why this was happening, her vision began to cloud and change. She was seeing through her alpha’s eyes. But what she saw filled her with fear. 

Titus was kneeling on the ground, a sneer melting off of his face as it plunged into a range of emotions. Eventually, his face stabilized with his lips downturned and eyes hooded. _He knows._ Every cell in Lexa's body started to vibrate. Every instinct was telling her to get the hell out of the throne room and race down to Clarke’s chambers. She had to find a way to deal with Titus, who undoubtedly felt betrayed, to say nothing of what he might do about it. She could not hear what was going on, but Clarke’s rage was palpable. She had to de-escalate that situation. With her sight still hijacked by their mating bond, Lexa heard before she could see Jes asking her a question. 

A grim realization dawned on Lexa as she bit her lip to pull herself out of her alpha’s headspace. She couldn’t leave. To leave now would not only be incredibly disrespectful, but it was also an admission of guilt. It wasn’t just a forfeiture of her position. Her opting to leave would be saying that there is something, or in this case, someone, more important than the Coalition. If she left now, the Council could effectively be banning omegas from ever ascending again. They could even pass laws that would require the _natblida_ to expose themselves and their scents upon return from their first rut/heat to make sure what happened to Lexa never happened in the future. 

No, she had to stay. Not for her, but for her people and for omega _natblida_ that had yet to present or even be born. Doing her best to focus on the metallic taste in her mouth from the blood on her lips, Lexa had to block Clarke out. All she could do was apologize to Jes and ask her to repeat her question. She made a silent prayer to _Keryon_ to help Clarke, to let her hold on. Lexa would be there as soon as she could. 

###

When Kane had finished asking his two questions, Lexa wanted to run out of the doors. But instead, she had to wait for Ragnar to dismiss everyone. The last four Council members managed to get all of their questions asked in under an hour. But it was still well past time for the mid-day meal. Lexa knew that she wasn’t the only person in that room that had business to attend to. Ragnar announced to the room that they would have a thirty-minute break before the members of the Council were required to return.

Unlike the Council members, who would have to return to the throne room to discuss amongst themselves who they would like testimonials from in the following days, Lexa likely had an hour or two before she would be called back. When this day started, she had not planned to see Clarke during her time away from the throne room. The temptation of Clarke’s rut seemed like too great a risk. What if they had tied, and the Council called her back earlier than expected? No, that would have been a disaster. Unfortunately, the risk of her not checking on Clarke seemed too high at this point. Something happened. She just hoped that it was something that they could recover from. 

When the hearing went into recess, Lexa stood up and left the throne room before anyone had the chance to drag her into a private conversation. It took all of her self-control to walk out of the room instead of jogging to the doors. She didn’t wait for the lift to get to the top floor. She used the main staircase instead of waiting for the lift. The staircase wasn’t open all of the way down to the ground floor, and it had some floors where the stairwell had caved in. But for the top ten floors, the stairwells had been maintained and even restored in some areas. 

Lexa took the stairs two at a time before she opened the door to the hallway two flights down. When she approached the doors to Clarke’s quarters, she nodded to both of the sentries before putting her hand on one of the doorknobs. She was about to burst open the door when something in the facial expression of one of the guards, Yobo, gave her pause. Lexa brought her hand away from the door and asked Yobo what was going on. The warrior looked uncomfortable before he said, 

“ _Heda, Titos_ went into the room an hour ago, but he has not come out. And there have been strange noises.”

“What kind of noises?”

“At first, it was thudding noise, followed by a crunch, and then nothing. That was about an hour ago.”

Lexa didn’t respond before she opened the door and raced inside. 

Lexa couldn’t see Clarke. What she found in the seating area prevented her from sweeping the rest of the room. Titus’ body was limp on the ground in a pool of congealed, inky blood. His eyes were closed, and his expression was peaceful, likely more so than it ever was in his life. When Lexa got closer to his body, she could see fluid coming out of his nose that had crusted on his cheek. His ears had trails of black blood coming out of them. But none of that was as bad as the concave shape of the back of his skull that distorted his tattoo. 

Lexa’s vision warped Titus’ body as the tears built up in her eyes. Lexa didn’t know how she ended up on her knees, just how cold the floor felt on the palms of her hands when she had to steady herself. She wiped the tears away from her face but more came. Her feelings towards Titus were so complicated. On the one hand, he was the closest thing she had to a father. Dax might have taken an active interest in her when she came of age, but he died before she ever had the chance to become the person she now. And that said nothing about the early years of her life. Titus taught her almost everything she knew about how to lead. He always seemed way too concerned about keeping up appearances. He both yearned for the changes they both sought yet seemed to lack the vision to see them through. He might have drilled into her head that love was weakness, but it was always a silent agreement between them that he loved her like the daughter he once had and lost. And yet, he was often lost in the plans for the future that he forgot the importance of living today. He could be so arrogant and sure of his faith in the flame that he often denied the evidence of what was right in front of him. 

Lexa had barely begun to process the death of the teacher in front of her when an overwhelming sense of dread crept into her bones and yanked her hands away from her face. Titus was the key to her case for winning support from the Ascension Council. Even if she hadn’t planned on asking the Council later if they would consider allowing him to testify, she knew they would ask for his testimony themselves. There were pieces to that story that only he could answer. And all of those answers died with him. This was to say nothing of the fact that Lexa’s greatest ally on that council was Titus’ older brother. By choosing to stay in that Council room when she knew something was wrong, she might have prevented omegas from being banned forever, but she almost certainly was giving up her right to command. Fresh tears began to stream down her face when she thought she heard a noise. She didn’t need to look up to know who it was. 

When Lexa tried to speak, her voice was thick, she had to cough a couple of times before she could get anything out.

“ _K-Klark?”_

When the hidden door slowly opened, Lexa had trouble breathing through the massive wave of shame that entered the air. But when no one came through the door, Lexa slowly got up from the ground. As she reached the door, she found Clarke on her side with her knees tucked into her chest. She was naked, but she didn’t seem to care. Without saying anything, Lexa ran back into the room, grabbing one of the furs off of the bed before laying it on Clarke’s body. She then whispered,

“Clarke, I have to talk to the sentries outside of your door, but I will be right back.” Lexa sighed before she continued, “I will fix this.” 

Seeing her mate so distraught, Lexa had to pick herself up and push past her grief. After she closed the hidden door, she walked around Titus’ body, giving it a wide berth. When she reached the door, she cracked it open so she could stick her head out. She looked at both of them before saying, 

“I need one of you to go find Ezra and tell him to get here as soon as possible. Neither of you is to mention that you saw Titus on this floor at all today. Is that clear?”

After both of them said, “ _Sha, Heda_ ” she went back into the room and shut the door. She walked back over to the hidden door and entered into the small landing in between the stairs going up and the stairs going down. Lexa sat with her back up against the door and slowly reached a hand out to her mate, still crumpled on the ground in front of her. When her fingers touched Clarke’s back, Lexa felt her own shame bubble up as Clarke at first flinched away. 

“ _Niron,_ let me help you.” 

Clarke’s back was to her, so she couldn’t read anything off of her face. But when she reached out again, Clarke didn’t flinch away. Lexa began rubbing circles into her back, pushing soothing pheromones out into the space between them. Slowly, she felt the muscles in Clarke’s back relax. With her neck turned to the side so she could keep an ear against the door, Lexa heard a knock on the doors to Clarke’s quarters. Before Lexa got up, she leaned forward and kissed the crown of Clarke’s head and whispered,

“I am just going to answer the door to your quarters. It’s Ezra. He’s going to help me take care of this, but I will be right back, okay?”

When Lexa saw what she thought was the vaguest of nods, she got up and hustled back into Clarke’s quarters to answer the door. 

Lexa wiped the tears collecting under her eyes away before she opened the door. Ezra’s face was flushed, and he was breathing hard through his nose and out through his mouth. His eyebrows were furrowed, and his hands were twitching by his sides. Without saying anything, Lexa just stepped aside for Ezra to enter the room. Ezra’s nostrils flared at the smell of blood still in the air. He did a quick scan of the room until his eyes found Titus’ lifeless body. 

Ezra quickly shut the door before he walked closer to Titus. After Lexa followed him to the seating area, Ezra brought his attention back up to his sister. Ezra did not have a paternal relationship with Titus like Lexa had. Despite his status as a child born from an omega _natblida_ , when Elia died, no one from the Order offered to take him in. Elia was planning on leaving the Order, which meant that she would have taken Ezra with her. Lexa came to understand that many in the Order felt that she had made her bed. She chose to fall in love with the man sent to her to make more _natblida_. Even though that meant taking out her decision on an innocent pup. 

When it came time to educate him, Titus did not speak up on his behalf. It was only after Meela brought it up to Dax that Ezra was allowed to join the other red-blooded children of the Order for lessons. While he grew to accept that Ezra was necessary to keep Lexa safe and in power, he never saw Ezra as anything more than a tool. He wrote a letter from Polis when he found out that Lexa had promoted him to the head of her guard, saying that he was far too close to her to do his job effectively. Despite their difficult relationship, Ezra wrapped his arms around her and said, 

“I am so sorry this happened, Lex. It’s my fault. I told you that I would prevent anyone from entering this space, and somehow, he still found a way to get inside.” 

Lexa hated to admit it, but being wrapped in her brother’s arms felt so good after such a stressful day. Something about being around the person who knew her the longest, before she was asked to take on all the responsibility and weight of the world, gave her the chance to let her guard down and just be sad for a moment. After they stood there for a couple of minutes, Lexa broke off the hug. As much she wanted to grieve, she knew that they didn’t have that luxury. She could get called back to the throne room at any time. And the longer Titus’ body stayed there, the more difficult it would be to get rid of it. Ezra brought her out of her thoughts.

“Do you know what happened?”

Lexa was staring off behind Ezra before she brought his face back into focus.

“I was in the hearing, answering questions when I got this feeling, that Clarke was in trouble. Before I could do anything, my vision was overtaken by Clarke’s. I saw Titus, kneeling in front of her, spouting off about something I couldn’t hear.” 

“And then what happened?”

“I don’t know. I was still being asked questions, and I had to force myself to stay in the present.”

Ezra nodded before he said, “Where is Clarke now?”

“That’s not important.”

“Have you been able to talk to her about what happened?” 

“No. I was working on that, but,” Lexa crossed her arms and trained her gaze downwards.

“I knew that I had to take care of this.” 

Ezra brought his attention down to the body before he said, “I will do it. Just focus on taking care of Clarke and yourself.” 

If she weren’t under quite so much stress and if it were someone else on the ground, Lexa might have put up a fight. But as things were, she was tired, and she needed his help. Lexa nodded before she gave him a quick hug and whispered, 

“ _Mochof,_ Ezra.”

Ezra stroked her hair a couple of times before letting her go. As she made her way toward the hidden door, Ezra brought her attention back.

“When were you going to tell me you and Clarke had mated?”

Too exhausted to deny it, Lexa turned back around and replied, “It all happened so fast, and I knew that you would be disappointed.”

Ezra crossed his arms before he said, “I’m not disappointed. I knew it was going to happen eventually. I just hope that you both knew what you were doing when it happened.”

Lexa finally met his eyes before she said, “I don’t regret it. I love Clarke and this pup more than I have ever loved anything. But if I were to do it again, I might have waited until we were more certain of what the future would hold.” 

Ezra nodded before he said, “We will get through this, I promise you.” 

Lexa wasn’t convinced of that, but she still appreciated his attempt to soothe her troubled mind. Knowing that Clarke needed her, Lexa opened the hidden door to find Clarke sitting up and huddled in the fur she had brought her earlier. 

Lexa was relieved. If she wasn’t pregnant, she would have picked her mate up herself, but in her current situation, she was worried that she’d have to ask Ezra to pick her up to bring her to Lexa’s chambers. 

“Clarke”

Clarke didn’t respond, but she brought her eyes up to meet Lexa’s gaze. Clarke’s irises were still a crimson red, suggesting that her rut hadn’t gone away, even if her pheromones told a different story. Lexa offered her a hand, and she took it. Lexa embraced her mate in a tight hug. She felt liquid trailing down her neck as she heard Clarke’s sobs. Lexa swayed them back and forth to calm her troubled alpha. Eventually, she heard Clarke’s whisper,

“I am so sorry.”

Lexa brought their foreheads together before she said, “I know.” 

“When he found out about us, about what we are to each other now, I got so scared that he would do something to you, to our pup, and I lashed out. It all happened so fast.”

“Clarke, I think we can both admit that we wish things played out differently. But Titus shouldn’t have ever been allowed in your quarters at all. There were strict orders for the sentries not to let anyone aside from Ezra or myself in.”

Clarke tried to turn her head away, but Lexa brought her hand to Clarke’s chin, bringing her back to center, 

“We have some things that we need to work on, conversations that we need to have to figure out how you can safely deal with this rage. But that needs to happen another time. And as far as what happened in there, you can’t take all of this on yourself. I won’t let you.”

Clarke nodded before taking a half step back and out of Lexa’s arms, “I am so sorry you had to go in that room alone and see what I did. I was a coward who ran away and hid.”

Lexa swallowed her lips before she said, “To be honest, it was probably for the best that I went in there alone. I had a feeling that something terrible had happened, and it gave me a chance to see him one last time on my own.”

“But what’s going to happen now?”

“I don’t want you to worry about that, Ezra’s taking care of it.”

“How is this going to affect your hearing?”

She had to get Clarke out of this headspace, or she might end up spiraling out of control.

“My love, let me deal with that.” Lexa reached out for one of Clarke’s hands, stroking the back of it with her thumb.

“I know you feel like you always have to protect me, protect us.” Lexa brought her free hand to her belly. “And I know you feel like I am always putting myself in harm’s way. And I promise that I will do better to keep myself safe. But you are going to have to trust me to work all of this out over the next few days.”

Clarke pursed her lips before she nodded and relaxed her face, “Okay.”

Lexa gave her a small smile, “Good. We are going to work this out.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes, doubting a similar assurance to the one that Ezra had given her only a couple of minutes before. Unwilling to dwell on it, Lexa kissed their clasped hands before she led Clarke one floor above to her own quarters, still smelling vaguely like their combined essences from the day before. Lexa had just ordered one of her sentries to ask Meela to have someone bring water up for a hot bath when a member of the Order, a man in his thirties that Lexa didn’t know very well, came to her doors. It was time for her to return to the throne room. 

The Order member stood aside as if he was expecting her to come with him directly upstairs. Lexa had her hand on the door, keeping it open only as much as necessary. She turned her head back to Clarke, who was sitting on one of the sofas with her hands folded in her lap. Not wanting to appear suspicious, she returned her gaze to the man waiting for her.

“Give me one minute, and I will join you.”

He looked like he wanted to say something, but Lexa didn’t wait for him before shutting the door. She hustled back over to Clarke, squatting to the best of her ability given the bump strapped to her abdomen before she said,

“I have to go back in front of the Council again today. This shouldn’t take too long. Meela will knock on the door to let you know that the hot water is ready for your bath.” Clarke was looking at her intensely like she was trying to memorize her face. Under different circumstances, that same look would have been arousing. But knowing what she had to ask Clarke to do, she certainly didn’t feel aroused.

“I’m going to need you to hide until Meela and the other staff members are gone.”

“Like what happened in your tent?”

“Yes.”

Clarke brought her pointer finger and thumb to the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. Every second she remained that way felt like an eternity as Lexa could feel the Council waiting for her return. Thankfully, Clarke opened her eyes and nodded as she brought her hand down from her face.

“I can do that.”

“You can?”

Clarke brought a tentative hand to the side of Lexa’s face. Lexa couldn’t help but lean into it.

“Of course, I will.”

Lexa pulled herself out of Clarke’s gravitational pull before she got sucked in. As soon as she opened one of her double doors, she walked straight to the lift, not checking to see if the man sent to retrieve her was following. 

###

Lexa was back in her seat, not entirely sure how the next thirty minutes of her life would play out. She couldn’t help but think that she would just have to improvise. For someone who always felt like she needed to be planning ten steps ahead, she realized that a certain blond-haired alpha had been rubbing off on her more than Lexa ever thought she would. Her thoughts were brought to an end when Ragnar stood up. His facial expression was neutral, giving her no impression of how the discussion went in her absence. Seeing Ragnar was like seeing a ghost. It made Lexa nauseous. She did her best to breathe in through her nose and out through her mouth. The last thing she needed was to throw up in the middle of the hearing. Thankfully, Ragnar began to speak,

“Thank you, _Heda_ , for returning to us. After considerable debate and discussion, we have drafted a list of witnesses we would like to testify to confirm or deny the veracity of the events that you recounted to us today. In addition, we hope their testimonials can provide additional information that you were unable to provide for us. If there is anyone not on this list that you would like us to consider, you will be given time to make those requests before we suspend these proceedings until tomorrow. All names you put forward will be voted on. Do you agree to these terms?”

“I do.”

Ragnar gave her a tight nod before he said, “There are four people we will ask to testify. Their names are:

_ Meela kom Louwoda Klironkru _

_ Sori kom Yujledakru _

_ Ezra kom Trikru _

_ Titus kom Trikru _

Lexa took in a deep breath before giving Ragnar a slight nod. All of the names he called made sense based on her testimony. And if she hadn’t just spent the last hour and a half the way she did, she probably would have asked to have Indra testify on her behalf. But to be honest, she wasn’t entirely sure if there were going to be any testimonials. Instead of drawing this day out any longer than it had to be, Lexa said,

“I do not have anyone else I would like to testify on my behalf.”

Ragnar clasped his hands together, “In that case, this officially ends the proceedings for today.” 

Lexa exhaled deeply.

“We will start tomorrow morning at the same time, with Titus’ testimony in the morning followed by Ezra’s testimony in the afternoon.”

When Lexa stood up, all Council members got up from their chairs out of a show of respect. Once again, Lexa did not hang around to engage in further conversation. If she truly hoped to win her case, she likely would have at least spoken to Kane and a few of the others briefly to get a temperature of how things stood. But what was the point, when her hope was already lost? The best she could do at this moment in time was to return to her mate. She wasn’t sure how tomorrow was going to go, but she felt that if she could at least try to help Clarke put herself back together, then maybe it would help her figure out what she was going to do next. _Skrish. What have I gotten myself into now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's in some deep shit. They both are. I hope you all feel like Lexa seemed in character during this chapter. I wanted it to feel like she had some time to grieve but that she would do everything she could to try to focus on what she thinks is the most important. 
> 
> Also I hope you guys think Ezra is the best human like I do. 
> 
> As always guys, thank you for reading and let me know what you think in the comments!


	32. A Somber Twilight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shortly after Lexa leaves to find out who the Council would like to testify, Clarke is stuck hiding in a closet. She has a much needed conversation with Meela before Lexa comes back to her. Clarke and Lexa share a quiet morning before she leaves once again, to face the Council.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****Note sorry to send out an extra email everyone, but it was brought to my attention that the whole chapter didn't come copy over. I apologize to those of you who ended up reading this a little out of order! Anyways let's try this again!
> 
> Well hello everyone! I don't know what has come over me. Something about all of those months away has left my fingers eager to type more and more of this story.  
> This is a contemplative chapter. I know most of you are eager to know what's going to happen to our favorite couple, but before all of that, we needed to check in on Clarke, now that she's able to piece together what happened and where she went wrong. I'm really proud of how this one ended up so I will be looking forward to what you guys have to say.  
> As always, thank you so much for reading, enjoy!

**Clarke**

Clarke felt something crawl up her leg just as the doors to Lexa’s quarters opened. Whatever it was, Clarke hoped it wasn’t a spider. She couldn’t see it in the dim light of the closet. Of all of the things Clarke hadn’t truly gotten used to on the ground, it was the bugs. Clarke couldn’t help but roll her eyes at the image of Wells, correcting her that spiders were not insects but arachnids. Now there was someone she wished she could talk to. Of all of the people that she had things left unsaid, it was Wells. The beta boy who had a crush on her since they were eight years old. 

The spider began to crawl under her basketball shorts, prompting Clarke to bite her lower lip. She wanted more than anything to wipe it off, but the closet she climbed into turned out to be much smaller on the inside than she anticipated. Based on the amount of dust in the closet, it didn’t appear that Lexa wore anything in this one. Clarke could feel sweat dripping down her lower back despite it being the last week of October. The whole situation felt ridiculous. Here she was, the most powerful alpha in a generation, both in space and on the ground, and she was hiding in a closet. At least it was better thinking about that then how mad she was at herself for acting so recklessly. 

Clarke shook her head. All of the preparation and sacrifices that Lexa had made, hell that she made, and for what? No, if both of them made it out in one piece and Lexa was still _Heda_ , that would be a miracle. To think that she was angry at Lexa for putting herself on the line when it was _their_ relationship, Lexa being in a relationship with _her_ , which resulted in Lexa getting into these dangerous situations. Clarke wasn’t sure if she could ever forgive herself. Even if she didn’t give a rat’s ass about Titus, she should have known better. 

The spider stopped moving, mercifully before crawling near her groin. If there was one thing Clarke disliked about rut, it was that even when she wasn’t aroused, she had to walk around with the awkward sausage hanging between her legs. It was worse when it was limp because all it did was take up space and make her walk like a cowboy. Like the rest of her rut, she just wanted it to go away, or better yet, never have happened in the first place. Now the spider was crawling down towards her knee. Clarke wished that it would crawl off altogether when she heard Meela say, 

“Clarke, I have sent the rest of the staff away. You can come out now.”

Relieved, Clarke busted open the door, shaking her leg in the hopes that she could finally get the spider off. When something finally fell to the ground, she realized it was just an ant. Not even a dangerous fire ant, only a black one caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. If she had shoes on, she would have killed it for sure. It was still an insect, after all. Meela coughed to bring her attention back. 

“I’m sorry you had to see that.” 

Clarke walked closer to the bathroom door where Meela was standing. Meela put a hand on her shoulder,

“Clarke, did something happen?”

Clarke fought the urge to take a step back, “What do you mean?”

Meela softened her expression, “I just thought that you were planning on spending the entire day in your quarters until Lexa returned for the evening.” 

“Did she tell you that was the plan?”

“She tells me many things, sometimes because it is necessary for me to know where to send the staff, and sometimes because she needs someone to talk to. Over the years, I have gotten good at knowing when she needs both.”

Clarke chewed on her bottom lip and averted her gaze. But Meela brought her attention back, 

“Clarke, you can trust me with whatever it is that you are afraid to tell me.”

Meela squeezed her shoulder before releasing it. Clarke walked over to the sofa, and Meela followed her to the opposite one. 

“It’s not that I don’t think I can trust you. I am worried about what you will think of me after I tell you what happened.”

Meela considered her briefly before she said, “Clarke, I have been serving Commanders in this tower long before you were born. I have watched people make hard decisions and carry out sentences that would make the toughest general blush. And I also know that whatever it is you did, that you are afraid to talk to me about, that when you did it, you felt sure that it was the right thing to do.” 

“But what if that’s not true?”

Meela raised her eyebrows, “What if what’s not true?”

“What if the reason I did it was that I am bad. That I do bad things because I can.”

“Lexa wouldn’t love you if you were that kind of person.”

“But I made her life so difficult now because of what I did.”

Meela crossed her arms before she said, “that may be true, but I can’t tell you for sure unless you tell me what happened.”

Clarke looked away before she considered just telling Meela to forget it. She knew that inevitably, Meela would find out from someone, whether that was Lexa, or Ezra, or someone that Clarke didn’t know. She wasn’t sure she could bear someone else’s judgment. She was punishing herself enough. She wasn’t sure she needed to witness someone else’s disappointment. She also wasn’t sure that Meela would leave without hearing what she had to say. Clarke took a deep breath before she looked Meela in the eyes and said,

“As you can probably tell, I have entered my rut cycle.”

“Yes”

“Ezra told me that I would be left alone while Lexa was gone.” 

“That makes sense. It could be dangerous for both you and someone else to be around you other than Lexa during this time.” Meela arched an eyebrow, “Who came to see you?”

“Titus”

Clarke watched Meela as a couple of scenarios seemed to play out on her face.

“What happened?”

“He wanted to confirm that I was in rut, to tell me that whatever I did, I was not to put the hearing in jeopardy.”

Meela shook her head, “He should have known better.”

Clarke gave Meela a slight nod before she looked away. 

“Clarke, what happened next?”

Clarke looked at the ground while her vision went out of focus. 

“He was baiting me until I lost control and got in his face. That’s when he noticed this,” Clarke pulled her hair back enough for Meela to see the mating mark still fresh on her neck. Clarke braced for Meela’s shock or disapproval as she slowly trained her eyes back on the woman sitting across from her. But if Meela was surprised, she didn’t show it. She just kept her hands folded in her lap as if she was waiting for Clarke to continue her story. 

“And that’s when things really went off the rails. He started saying things like Lexa could never remain _Heda_ if they found out that she had taken a mate that she,” Clarke blew out a shuttering breath, taking a moment to center herself. 

“He said that the Council would probably have her killed. And all of this fear overwhelmed me. I felt like I did everything wrong. Not only couldn’t I protect her, but that I had been the one to put her in this position in the first place.” Clarke shook her head. 

“As if he was reading my mind, he spat something out about me holding the knife, and my fears had morphed into anger at having this truth pointed out to me in such a bald way. Here was this arrogant man, who had done everything he could to put a wedge between Lexa and me. How could I be sure that he would not tell the Council? Where did his loyalty sit? Was it with Lexa, or was it the title that she holds?”

Clarke looked away, still shaking her head at the memory. When she didn’t continue for a while, she could smell the calming beta scent permeate the space around her. She closed her eyes and inhaled the emotion, hoping that it would work. 

“Clarke, what happened to Titus?”

Knowing that it was too late to turn back now, Clarke looked Meela straight in the eyes and said, “When I was confronted with all of these uncertainties, there was one thing I could do at that moment to get rid of all of it. And that’s when I killed him. With my bare hands.” 

Clarke didn’t realize that she had been crying until she felt the drops fall down her chin. Clarke wanted to hide behind the couch and die from the shame she felt. She sobbed,

“It was so awful. I have murdered people before, hundreds actually. But the tactile feeling of loss at my hands, not through an instrument like a knife, or gun, or a lever, it was terrible.”

In between the tears distorting Clarke’s vision, she thought that Meela was studying her. She wasn’t saying anything. She just remained quiet while Clarke wept for what felt like a long time. When Clarke settled herself down, Meela, now herself looking down at the ground, said, 

“Titus was a troubled man. He was a troubled boy too. He clung to structure as a way to quiet his own mind. His loyalty to the Order was steadfast, even after he presented as an omega.”

Meela looked back up at Clarke, “Until he had his pups. They taught him to dream. He had both of them before Dax had ascended. So when Titus’ best friend became _Heda_ , he used his influence over the Commander to make what would become the _Kongeda_ , a more egalitarian place.”

Clarke was fascinated. She knew some of these details, but not all of them. It was oddly therapeutic hearing Titus be humanized in this way. 

“But then his pups both died in a meaningless war in short succession. And Titus was never the same. I don’t know when he found out about Lexa’s presentation, but I think when Dax didn’t come to him first about it, he was hurt. But there she was.” 

Clarke could see the light in Meela’s eyes.

“Lexa was the best of them. She still is. She was going to make things better for the next generation of omega _natblida_. She was the means through which Titus could pour his hopes and dreams. She was the answer to all of his sacrifices. But what he failed to see, and what I hope the Council will learn during these next few days, was that our _Heda_ is so much more than that.”

Clarke couldn't help but nod.

“I know I don’t have to tell you that.” 

Meela took a deep breath before she said, “Clarke, I think you understand why you did what you did. And to be honest with you, I can think of a substantial list of alphas off of the top of my head who would have done the same thing had they been in rut and exposed to the right circumstances. But you are not those alphas. And Lexa is not some ordinary omega. I know it's not fair, but you need to be better than those alphas. And you need to understand that Lexa will never be yours in the way that other omegas are to their alphas.”

Clarke opened her mouth to respond to say that she and Lexa had had this conversation before. But Meela raised her hand in a manner eerily similar to Lexa.

“She will always belong to the people as much if not more than she belongs to you so long as she carries the flame.”

Clarke nodded grudgingly before Meela continued.

“Did Titus deserve to die at that moment? I think we both know that the answer to that is no. Should he have been smarter about who he was provoking, regardless of how justified he thought his cause was? Absolutely. I don’t think you are a bad person. Someone who murders because they can doesn’t hold themselves in shame the way that you do.”

Clarke wiped warm tears off of her face. 

“I don’t know how this is going to impact the Ascension Council Hearing. Maybe Lexa will find another way to argue her case. It would not be the first time she outwitted what seemed like an impossible puzzle. Regardless of the outcome, you need to know that what happened wasn’t entirely your fault. But something like that cannot happen again. You both have too much at stake.” 

Meela placed both hands flat on her thighs before she said, 

“Now, I have to ask, has the body been taken care of?”

“Ezra is working on it.”

Meela nodded. 

“Good.” 

Meela got up and began walking toward the door, “I have other things I must attend to, and you should take advantage of the bath while the water is still warm.” 

“Meela, thanks.”

Meela’s expression softened, “I appreciate that you trusted me enough with the truth. Let me know if there is anything else I can do.”

Clarke gave her a small nod before a thought crossed her mind,

“Actually, would you be willing to ask Bellamy if he could stop by tomorrow morning?”

Meela smiled, “Your friend is quite the fast learner, I have been impressed with how quickly he has absorbed the history of the Tower. I will be sure to let him know.”

Clarke thanked her again, and Meela left Lexa’s quarters. 

Clarke had just stripped her tank top and basketball shorts off and gotten into the warm bathtub when she heard the doors of Lexa’s quarters open. She tensed until she could smell Lexa’s familiar scent. Before long, Lexa, still clad in her ceremonial robes, was leaning on the entryway to the bathroom. They held each other’s gaze for a tense moment. Clarke could feel her own uncertainty about what was about to happen bubble up. But to her surprise, Lexa took her robe off, leaving the bathroom shortly to hang it somewhere before she came back already half-naked.

Lexa took off the rest of her clothes and wordlessly got into the tub and placed her back up against Clarke’s front. As her mate leaned her head against her shoulder, Clarke said, “Do you want to talk about Titus? Or what happened during the hearing?”

But Lexa found Clarke’s hands and brought them around her lower abdomen before she said,

“I just want to be held by my mate for a while.”

Clarke nodded after she took a shuttering breath. They stayed like that until the water was cold before they quickly washed each other’s bodies. When dinner came, neither of them was hungry. Meela looked like she wanted to insist, but she bit her lower lip before nodding and asking one of the sentries to close the door for her. When they went to sleep, both of them exhausted from several nights of sleeplessness, Lexa purred as Clarke stroked her hair. When Clarke fell asleep, Lexa was lying on her with her head nuzzled into her chest.

###

Clarke woke up in the middle of the night on her side, spooning Lexa. She was burning up, and her head was hazy with thoughts of her beautiful mate. Her rut had never truly gone away. It was just tempered by her shame over what she had done. With some of that shame held in check, her rut was able to return. Clarke could feel her dick, now standing at attention in the cleft of Lexa’s behind, throb painfully. Clarke hoped to unwind her body from Lexa’s to take care of this situation alone. She knew her rut had already caused so much trouble. The least she could do was let her mate sleep off what had been a terrible day. 

Clarke tried to delicately pull her arm from underneath Lexa’s waist when she felt thin dexterous fingers grab her alphahood. Lexa had her hand wrapped around the base of Clarke’s shaft, and Clarke forgot how to move her muscles, leaving her no choice but to stay stock still. Eventually, Lexa rolled over so that they were facing each other. Her eyelids were half-open as she trained her gaze lazily on Clarke’s. Clarke whispered

“I’m sorry I woke you up. I was–”

Lexa placed her pointer finger on Clarke’s lips as she whispered, “Shhh.”

Lexa sat up and motioned for Clarke to follow. Clarke’s alpha was confused; it both craved intimacy with Lexa while not sure that it wanted to be following directions. But Clarke still had enough clarity to know that it was in her best interest to let Lexa take the lead. When Clarke sat up, pillows in between her back and the headboard, Lexa crawled into her lap. 

Slowly, Lexa lowered herself onto Clarke’s penis, releasing a gasp as she reached the hilt. Clarke felt Lexa’s long powerful legs bent and wrapped around her torso. For a long moment, neither of them moved. Lexa had her arms around Clarke’s neck, while Clarke’s were around Lexa’s waist. They had their foreheads touching. Clarke closed her eyes, and she took several deep breaths. 

At first, all she could think about was how good it felt to be inside of her mate. Lexa was warm and slick and felt like velvet. Clarke could feel every heartbeat, every involuntary minute flex of Lexa’s pelvic floor. But while they remained still, Clarke opened her eyes and chose to absorb every inch of her mate. _My god, she is so beautiful_ , Clarke thought as the moonlight hit Lexa’s skin and gave her a silver sheen. Her hair, lit by the moon, was chestnut with auburn highlights that fell in beautiful rivulets around her face. The shadows of her long eyelashes marked her gorgeous cheeks and drove Clarke crazy. With the skin of her abdomen touching Lexa’s belly, Clarke could feel her son’s movements first get stronger and faster before they slowed down. The intimacy of being so close to both of them made Clarke’s heart flutter. 

Clarke could have stayed that way for hours, at least until she trained her gaze on Lexa’s lips. They shined after Lexa licked them only a moment before. Clarke brought her head forward to taste her omega. As soon as their lips met, Clarke felt Lexa’s tongue push into her mouth. The thrill of being tasted by her mate sent shivers down her spine and broke the spell that was keeping the rest of her body idle. Clarke found her hands moving down Lexa’s waist and to her hips, encouraging her mate to move. She felt Lexa grind into her pelvis, driving her crazy as felt Lexa’s insides flutter around her. 

Clarke broke off the kiss only to drag her lips down Lexa’s jaw to her neck. Clarke smiled to herself as Lexa moaned at the contact. Before long, Lexa began to use her legs to push herself up off of Clarke's shaft before coming right back down. It made it hard for Clarke to focus on anything else and caused her to release the skin right above Lexa’s scent gland she had in her mouth, it felt so good. Lexa set the pace, going slow and deliberate, drawing every sensation out of Clarke. It was hypnotic, and it made Clarke throb intensely. 

As Lexa began to speed up, Clarke reached for Lexa’s hands around her neck and entwined them. Every time Lexa brought her hips down, Clarke would bring her hips up, bringing them even closer. Clarke brought her forehead to Lexa’s chest, closing her eyes and doing everything she could to stay in this moment. She felt something hot and wet fall on her face. When she looked up, she realized that Lexa was crying. Not an audible cry, but a quiet weeping. She would have said something until she realized that she also had tears in her eyes. Neither of them said anything, but Lexa brought their foreheads together, her leaning down while Clarke leaned up. 

Before long, Clarke could feel the walls around her flutter rapidly. She raised her eyebrows, and Lexa nodded without her having to ask the question. Clarke did her best to help her mate ride out the aftershocks while she ground their hips together. Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa’s shoulders, pulling her closer. She could feel her knot begin to inflate but decided that she would hold off on tying them together. She knew Lexa could feel the pressure at her opening, but she didn’t fight Clarke when she shook her head. 

Clarke felt the telltale pressure at the base of her knot, and before long, she found release inside of her mate, just as she found her bite mark on Lexa’s skin and reopened the wound with her teeth. She felt a sharp pain in her scar and knew Lexa had done the same. They both still had tears in their eyes as they held each other close. They might not have been tied, but Clarke felt like she and Lexa were one and the same. It was like coming up for air after being underwater for too long. All of the trauma, the highs and lows of the last few days finally finding release. 

###

It was about two hours past sunrise when Clarke had her gaze trained out the window. She was looking past the city below at the gates, clearly demarcating the entrance to the capital from the main road. If warriors were guarding the city gates, they were too far away for Clarke to tell. Lexa’s windows were much larger than the ones in her quarters, giving her a better view of the sky above. The longer she was on the ground, the stranger it was to think she was ever above the clouds. That she ever lived before knowing the woman she loved.

Clarke’s thoughts returned to earlier when she woke up. The hazy tendrils of rut were still pulling at her mind when she reached for her mate in bed. But Lexa wasn’t there. Clarke could still smell her near, so instead of panicking, she sat up and searched the room. Lexa was wearing the tank top Clarke had on before she took her bath and a clean pair of Clarke’s boxers. She was perched by one of her large windows, watching the sun, a deep orange, creep up over the trees to touch the city below. Her hands were clasped on the windowsill. Clarke was still naked when she got out of bed and slowly walked over to her mate. 

Clarke was tempted to wrap her arms protectively around her mate’s body, but she decided not to. Instead, she stood beside Lexa, entwining their hands. Lexa was still looking out at the horizon like she was deep in thought. Clarke wanted more than anything to ask Lexa what she was planning to say to the Council, but she ultimately decided that if Lexa wanted to tell her, she would. Clarke opted to just be there for her.

Eventually, Lexa broke her gaze from the outside world, landing on Clarke. She would be lying if Lexa’s gorgeous green eyes didn’t take her breath away. Lexa took Clarke’s free hand in hers and shifted their bodies until they were face to face before bringing their foreheads together. Clarke closed her eyes, using her other senses to memorize Lexa in all of the ways she knew how. The way she took in air, how her long fingers felt as they grazed the backs of her hands. Of course, the way she smelled, the lily of the valley and honeysuckle weaving themselves between pine, earth, and fresh rain. 

A knock at the door opened Clarke’s eyes. Lexa looked apologetic as she whispered,

“That’s probably the hot water for my bath.”

Clarke nuzzled her nose against Lexa’s before she said, "I’ll wait in the closet until they leave."

A couple of minutes later, Clarke sat on the bathroom counter as her mate washed the night’s events off of her body. Neither of them spoke. They were both comfortable in the silence and shy with their gazes as Clarke would look at Lexa until Lexa would find Clarke’s eyes, leaving both of them flushed and shifting their eyes elsewhere. Clarke had an erection, and she knew Lexa could see it, but they were both content to acknowledge that Clarke lusted for her mate without doing anything about it.

When Lexa finished cleaning herself off, Clarke held out a towel for her. They both put on nightgowns, Lexa’s a beautiful burgundy that caused her stunning eyes to shine, while Clarke put on a gorgeous blue robe that would have matched her eyes had they not still been red.

Meela was the second knock at the doors this morning. She was carrying breakfast and looked like she was prepared to force it down Lexa’s throat if she was refused again. But Lexa stood aside, allowing Meela to enter and leave two trays on Lexa’s dining table. Clarke nodded to Meela, who nodded right back. Meela didn’t linger. Instead, she told Clarke that Bellamy would come over around in the morning before she left the two mates alone.

Clarke ate the porridge ravenously, stuffing every last morsel in her mouth. She knew Lexa was watching her eat with bemusement, but she didn’t care. She might not have been hungry last night, but after skipping several meals in a row, she was starving this morning. Lexa still had half of her porridge left when Clarke put her empty bowl back on her tray. The satisfaction of being full left a smile on her face.

The third knock was Ezra, who came to give a few updates and to braid Lexa’s hair. Lexa rushed to finish her food before Ezra stepped behind her chair. Clarke watched with fascination as Ezra moved his hands so fast that she could barely follow them. What impressed her the most was that he could be talking about something completely unrelated while he skillfully weaved Lexa’s hair into its recognizable braids. He brought Clarke out of her awe when he said,

“Titus has been taken care of.”

“Did you perform the rites?” Lexa asked.

“Yes, he was burned in the true _Trikru_ way. I saved some of his ashes for the Order to take as they prefer.”

“Good.” 

Ezra’s gaze darted to Clarke’s when he said, 

“I also figured out that Titus had a secret group of guards loyal to him. They relieved the sentries standing by Clarke’s doors and let him in.”

Ezra brought his attention back to Lexa’s hair as he continued, 

“The sentries guarding Clarke’s doors at the time are currently locked up. With the proper motivation, they gave me a list of names of other warriors Titus liked to keep under his direct command.”

Clarke quietly observed, feeling more like a guest in this conversation than an actual participant. After Lexa nodded, Ezra said, 

“What would you like me to do with them?”

“The warriors locked up or the others?”

“Both.”

Lexa twisted her lips most adorably as she thought about it before she said, 

“Keep the two locked up, as for the rest, do nothing for now. Titus is gone. He can’t give them orders anymore.” 

Ezra exchanged a look with Clarke before he opened his mouth to say something. But then he closed it again. 

Eventually, he said, “ _Sha, ai sis_ ” (Yes, my sister). 

When Ezra finished Lexa’s braids, he kissed her on the forehead, a move that only slightly riled Clarke’s alpha up, but she was able to suppress a response. Lexa stood up, hugging him. He offered his forearm out to Clarke, and she offered her own in kind. 

“Thank you, Ezra, for everything.”

Ezra brought his hand to Clarke’s shoulder before he whispered in her ear, “It’s about time someone got rid of that old bird.” 

He winked but didn’t wait for Clarke’s response. Lexa had one of her eyebrows arched, no doubt seeing the shock on Clarke’s face as she desperately tried to recover. 

Lexa didn’t have much left to do, aside from getting her clothes on and putting on her warpaint. Clarke couldn’t help but smile as she watched her beautiful mate look impossibly more regal in her ceremonial robes. Not for the last time, she hoped their son would inherit his looks and presence from Lexa. With nothing else keeping her there, Lexa looked at the doors before her gaze came back to Clarke. Before she left, Lexa gave Clarke one last hug, putting her fingers in Clarke’s hair as she whispered, 

“I will be back,” before giving her a peck on the cheek and strutting out the doors. 

Clarke, standing at the window, couldn’t help but bring a hand to her face where her mate had kissed her. Even after all of the intimate things they did together, a simple kiss on the cheek could leave Clarke with goosebumps for hours. She couldn’t believe that she still managed to keep the nightgown on. It was only the third day in what would likely be a seven-day rut, but the events of the past few days had brought the heat down until her body was closer to a simmer than the usual boiling. She was not convinced that it would remain this tempered. A knock at the doors brought her attention back. 

She opened the doors to see Bellamy, tentatively smiling, standing at the doors. Ezra was the only sentry standing outside, making this a strange reunion amongst the three of them. Clarke waved Bellamy inside before there was any trouble. As soon as the doors were closed, Bellamy said, 

“Clarke, after what happened yesterday, I didn’t expect to hear from you for days.”

Clarke brought him over to what was becoming the confessional couches and recounted what happened after Bellamy and Ezra left her quarters the day before. The further into the story she got, the paler Bellamy became. When she was finished, Bellamy said, 

“So, what is going to happen now?”

Clarke looked away before she met his gaze and said, “Honestly, I have no idea.” 

Bellamy sat back into the couch across from her as he said, “Whatever happens, you know that I have your back, right?”

“Of course, it’s actually what I am counting on.”

Bellamy raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

Clarke sighed, “I don’t know what is going to happen during the hearing today. But–”

Bellamy’s eyebrows furrowed as he said, “Do you think that Lexa would sell you out?”

“What? No, Bell, we both know the answer to that question.”

Bellamy looked away before grudgingly nodding his head.

“All I am saying is, if something were to happen to me,” Clarke swallowed, “I was hoping that you would take care of Lexa and my son, you know, just in case.” 

Bellamy dropped the pout he was wearing before and got really serious. He leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees before he said, “Of course, I will. Clarke, you don’t need to ask that.”

“But I do. If anything were to happen to them, I…”

Clarke didn’t finish her sentence knowing that it would only end with apologies about what happened to Gina and their pup on the way. Instead, Clarke got up from her seat on her couch and said, 

“Thank you, Bellamy.” 

Bellamy did the same, enveloping her in a huge hug. Bellamy’s large frame always reminded her of her dad’s. It made it easy for her to relax into him, probably a moment longer than it was necessary. Except for this time, it felt necessary. They both had lost so much and so many people. It was nice to know that they still had each other’s backs, even after all that had happened. 

After they separated, she said, “I need you to be careful, too. If things go poorly today, you have to be prepared to duck out of Polis at a moment’s notice.”

He had a wistful look in his eye as he said, “I always have a bag packed in my chambers, you know, the ones considerably lower in the Tower.” 

He winked just as she gave him a shove. Bellamy started to make his way to the door as he said, 

“I think it's time for me to head out. It turns out there’s another library in the city aside from the one they have here. Apparently, they have a book on the history of _Azegeda_ that I want to read.” 

Knowing that it wasn’t just Bellamy’s love of history that was driving him to brush up on his knowledge of _Azegeda_ , Clarke just said, 

“Far be it from me to get in the way of one of your quests for knowledge.”

He gave her one of his lopsided smiles before he said, “I hear there’s a cute unmated omega who runs the library, too.” 

Clarke rolls her eyes before she says, “get out of here.” 

He wiggled his eyebrows before he said, “I will see you soon, Clarke.” 

Bellamy reached the doors and slid out, leaving Clarke alone in Lexa’s quarters. Slowly, she walked back to the window, pretending to get lost in the sites below instead of the anxieties in her own mind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might sound corny but I am pretty sure that was my favorite sex scene to write so far. It's not the most graphic or even what I would consider the "hottest" one I've written (not to toot my horn lol) but I hope I was able to convey the complicated emotions that both of them feel while they are struggling in that moment.  
> I also realize now that I am writing this out, that Lexa says very little in this chapter considering how much she's there. If this isn't clear in the chapter (please let me know in the comments if it comes off this way) Lexa isn't mad at Clarke. She and Clarke are at that point in their relationship where they don't always need to say what they mean in order for how they feel to come across. Plus she's figuring out how the hell she's going to pull this off.  
> Like you guys, I cannot wait until you see chapter 33. I have most of it written. But there are a few things that I have to do first before I finish it.  
> I hope you guys liked this deep breath of a chapter before we descend further into madness!  
> As always thank you so much for reading, if you have any questions, comments, concerns, feel free to let me know!  
> -Biphi


	33. A Pound of Flesh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa faces the Council and her fate is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So remember when I said, that the next chapter might not be out for a while, well I lied. 
> 
> There are parts of this chapter that I have had written for over a year, well before I knew how long or how crazy this story was going to get. 
> 
> Just a heads up, this one is tough, guys. 
> 
> Anyways, please enjoy, I will see you on the other side of the chapter!  
> -Biphi

**Lexa**

Lexa felt her stomach twist into knots as she used the lift to go up to the throne room. Her sleep last night was restless at best, even after she and Clarke had sex. About an hour before sunrise, she gave up on sleeping altogether. But the extra time awake allowed her the time she needed to figure out what she was going to say to the fourteen people waiting for her. 

The doors of the lift opened, and Lexa walked onto the top floor. She stopped for a moment while she was still in the hallway. She closed her eyes, giving herself a chance to focus her thoughts. Knowing that this was not going to get any easier the longer she waited, Lexa pushed forward, stepping into the throne room.

The space was in largely the same set up as the day before, with one exception. A solitary chair was five paces behind and to the right of the chair and desk in the center of the U formed by the three tables. Under normal circumstances, the Commander is expected to sit in that chair while testimonials occur. Sometimes, the Council would ask the Commander to leave while they ask the witness for sensitive information. But none of that would happen this morning. 

All of the Council members were standing behind their chairs. Lexa stepped forward and placed her hands on the back of the chair in the center, instead of by the solitary one off to the side. She made eye contact with every person in the room. She waited to look at Ragnar until she made eyes with everyone else. When she did eventually look at him, it was like seeing a ghost. All she could see were the same blue eyes as her teacher. Before she could lose her nerve, Ragnar said, 

“It has come to my attention that Titus could not be found to be escorted to the throne room for his testimonial this morning.”

Lexa looked straight into his eyes as she said, “And you will not be able to find him because Titus is dead.”

The room exploded. All thirteen representatives opened their mouths and started to yell. But they were not who Lexa was watching the closest. Ragnar had taken half a step back. His hands dropped from the back of his chair down to his sides. He looked as though the wind had been knocked out of him. Then his eyes glazed as if he was somewhere else, living in the memory of someone who was gone. No one else was supposed to be able to speak other than Ragnar, but seeing as protocol had been thrown out the window, Dana stepped in, 

“What happened to him?”

Lexa trained her gaze on Dana but remained aware of Ragnar’s movements before she said, 

“He threatened my mate.”

Several of the Council Members accused her of lying to them the day before, although she herself was careful never to say that she did not have a mate. What the other members were demanding, Lexa couldn’t quite hear. Lars asked, 

“Who is your mate?” 

“I am not going to reveal my mate’s identity for their protection.”

The room dove further into chaos. She couldn’t hear anything that anyone was saying. Knowing that this was going nowhere, Lexa put a hand up and yelled, 

“ _Em pleni!_ ” (Enough)

Everyone went quiet. Now that she had their full attention, she said,

“Here is how this is going to go. I am going to peacefully allow the flame to be taken out of my head. And I will fully endorse the winner of the Conclave.”

Ragnar, having recovered the color in his face, stepped forward,

“What are your terms?”

Lexa looked straight ahead as she stared down the Council. Without being told to do so, she pulled out the chair in front of her and sat down. She took a huge breath of air in through her nose and out through her mouth before she began the process of doing the thing she did best, save her people.

###

After several hours of tough negotiations, the Ascension Council ended its hearing for the day. There was nothing else left for them to discuss. They all would stay in Polis until the next Commander ascended, but Lexa did not have to see their faces, not as _Heda_. After an incredibly hard conversation with Ezra, Lexa made her way back to her quarters. 

As soon as she opened one of the doors, she saw Clarke, sitting on one of the couches, her sketchbook in hand. When she walked closer to the couch, she saw that Clarke was drawing a picture of her. Lexa sat down next to Clarke, who gave her a small smile, no doubt hoping to encourage her. Lexa could feel Clarke searching her eyes. While she was doing the same, she silently wished that her last image of Clarke was of her true cerulean eyes, instead of the rut red they were now. Clarke broke first,

“How did it go?”

Lexa looked at the ground and sucked in her lips before she looked back at Clarke, 

“I gave a lot, but I also got what I needed to feel comfortable with how I am leaving things.”

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows, “Lex, what does that mean?”

Lexa had her hands flat on her knees. They twitched at the thought of holding Clarke’s hands. But she pushed that thought away as she came up with an answer that put what happened in the best light. 

“It means that I got them to ensure the safety of your people. And they will be forced to revisit the issue of Omega _natblida_ in five years.”

Clarke looked away as she nodded. She put her sketchbook on the table in front of her before she trained her gaze back on Lexa.

“What happens to me?”

Lexa shook her head, “They only know that my mate was threatened and that this person acted in self-defense. But they do not know who you are.”

Clarke nodded, but her eyes were faraway before she trained them back on Lexa, “What are you not telling me?”

Lexa took a deep breath before she grabbed Clarke’s hands and began to stroke them. She looked down at their entwined hands before looking back up at Clarke.

“I am peacefully,” Clarke started shaking her head and whispering “No”, but Lexa continued, “allowing them to remove the flame, and stepping down as _Heda_.”

Lexa could taste the anger on her tongue, the room was so saturated with it. 

Clarke said, “What’s going to happen to our son?”

Lexa sighed, “He is going to be fine.”

“You don’t know that.”

“But I do.” Lexa sighed, “I feel it in my bones that this pup is going to be born when he is supposed to and that he will be safe.” 

Clarke pulled her hands back and turned her head away. The anger swirling around them burned out until all that was left was a deep sadness. Clarke silently wept, brushing her tears away. She looked back and said, 

“This is all my fault.”

Lexa shook her head, “we don’t know that. This could have been the outcome even if Titus was still here.” 

“What about your people?”

Lexa smiled, a single tear coming down her face, “I trust all of those _natblida_ with my life. They will be ready.”

“Does this mean that we can stay with my mom for the rest of your pregnancy?”

Instead of wiping her own tear off of her face, Lexa reached out to wipe away the fresh ones off of Clarke’s cheek.

“No, I can’t stay with _Skaikru_.”

“Is this because of Pike?”

Lexa looked down at her hands and took a shuttering breath before she looked back up at Clarke.

“To ensure that I got all of my demands met, I had to promise to leave Coalition lands, forever.”

Clarke swallowed before she wiped all of the sadness off of her face. She grabbed Lexa’s hands,

“So when do we leave?”

It devastated Lexa to see Clarke this resolved to join her, knowing what she was about to say. Lexa placed her hand on the side of Clarke’s face, “Clarke, I am so sorry, but you can’t come with me.”

Clarke shook her head, anger returning to the air around them, 

“The hell I can’t. They can’t make me stay.”

Lexa did her best to release all of the soothing pheromones she could, “One of the conditions was that I have to leave alone.”

Clarke shook her head, “No, I won’t accept that.”

“You must. If you leave or make a big fuss about this, they will figure out that you are my mate, and I cannot guarantee that they won’t retaliate against _Skaikru_ or do something to you.” 

“No, no.” Clarke just kept shaking her head, “This isn’t fair. Not after all that we have sacrificed for them. All of yourself that you have given them.” Clarke looked away, “I know I have made mistakes. But we deserve this. We are owed this family.” 

Clarke looked back at her with those sad, crimson eyes, “How can you be okay with this?”

It stung Lexa that Clarke would assume that she was not as torn up about what had to happen as she was. But she also knew that they had such little time left, and she did not want to waste it. 

“All of my life, I have been told that if I was lucky, I would have one important job. It likely would not last very long, but that it would be an honor for me to serve. I didn’t get everything I wanted, but I certainly got more than I needed. Everything after that, all of the love that I shared with you, that was all more than I could have imagined in my wildest dreams.”

“Then why did you exchange mating marks with me?”

Lexa smiled sadly, “Because I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, tied to you, for better or for worse. None of that has changed. Our time was just cut short.”

Lexa could tell that Clarke was about to get up from the couch, so she embraced her in a tight hug. Lexa closed her eyes, burying her nose in Clarke’s brilliant scent. When she felt Clarke relaxing in her arms, Lexa opened her eyes. Ezra had silently entered the room through the hidden door. He had slowly been making his way towards the couch, wearing a jacket covered in Lexa’s scent so Clarke would not sense his presence. The irony of the situation was not lost on Lexa. If what she was about to do was not nearly as terrible as it was, the whole scenario might have been funny. 

She gave Ezra a subtle nod while still leaning her chin on Clarke’s shoulder. He got directly behind Clarke and placed a strange smelling cloth over her nose and mouth. Initially, she fought. Lexa could feel her mate struggle until her movements slowed. Lexa cradled Clarke’s head in her arms. The betrayal and hurt plain on her face. 

Lexa whispered, “Don’t be afraid I’ve got you.”

When Clarke’s face relaxed, Lexa whispered, “ _Ai hod yu in,_ ” one last time in Clarke’s ear before she completely slumped over. While she still had Clarke’s head cradled under one arm, she wiped the tears off of her face. She knew Clarke might never forgive her for this, but she had to do it. What Lexa knew for sure was that she would not be able to forgive herself if something happened to Clarke because she refused to accept her banishment. But that didn’t make it any easier to say goodbye this way. 

Ezra put a hand on her shoulder,

“I will watch out for her.”

Without looking up at him, Lexa nodded. After a while, when Lexa still hadn’t moved, Ezra said, 

“Lex, the Order is going to be here soon. We need to bring Clarke back to her quarters.”

Without much left to do, Ezra picked Clarke up and carried her bridal style down the hidden staircase. The room had an eerie feeling to it. It was almost like Titus was still there even though his body was gone. The floor was scrubbed, so there wasn’t even a stain on the ground. But that didn't change the fact that like almost every other room in the Tower, this room had its ghosts. Titus was just the last one to join their ranks. As soon as he placed Clarke on the bed, Lexa began fussing over the pillows, making sure that Clarke wouldn’t be uncomfortable after sleeping in an awkward position for several hours. When she was satisfied that Clarke would be okay, at least physically, Lexa placed a note on the pillow next to Clarke’s head. She kissed Clarke once on the forehead as a single tear dripped down her cheek. _I am abandoning my love, my mate. Again._

Ezra practically had to drag Lexa into the hidden stairwell. When she looked at her older brother, she realized that this was probably the last time they would be alone together. Ezra was more than just her brother. He was her best friend and her guardian. He made situations that were incredibly dangerous, safe. He didn’t just fight the bad guys. He taught her how to fight them herself. And he never asked for anything in return. She was the reason he lost his parents and a life away from all this political bullshit. She had so much to thank him for. While they were still standing on the landing, Ezra said,

“This is where I have to leave you, I–”

Lexa didn’t wait for him to finish the rest of his sentence before she wrapped her arms around his torso and buried her face in his chest. He placed his arms around her, lending his strength and warmth to her one last time. She looked up and said,

“Thank you, Ezra, for everything.”

Ezra kissed her on the forehead before he said, “I love you too, Lexa.” 

They held each other for another moment before he slowly unwound his arms. He had started to head to the lower staircase before he turned around one last time, 

“ _Leidon, strisis_.” (Goodbye, little sister)

Lexa’s voice cracked as she said, “ _Leidon, biga bro_.” (Goodbye, big brother)

Ezra gave her a small lopsided smile, his eyes beginning to gloss over with fresh tears before he turned back towards the stairs. Lexa climbed the stairs and went into her quarters for the last time. 

To keep herself busy, Lexa began to pack a bag for herself. She started with her clothes, making sure to emphasize practicality over sentimentality. She picked out as many socks as she could find, stuffing them in between several pairs of leather pants. She was picking out shirts when she realized that she had no idea what she was planning on wearing further along in her pregnancy. Before she had time to mull this over, Meela came bursting into the room. 

Meela’s face was blotchy, and the skin around her eyes swollen. Anger pheromones swirled around her as she shut the door behind her. Before Lexa could say anything, Meela said, 

“Why are you doing this?”

Lexa softened her features and released soothing pheromones before she said, “It’s already done.”

Meela furrowed her eyebrows and opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but instead, she brought Lexa in for a tight hug. When they separated, Meela asked, 

“Where will you go?”

Lexa took a deep breath before she said, “I was planning on traveling south.”

Meela looked like she wanted to argue, but Lexa was prepared this time, 

“The jungle is dangerous, but I spent my life in the forests surrounding Polis. And it will be warmer, which should be safer for the pup. At least until I figure out a way to get him back to Abby.” 

One look at Meela and Lexa realized that she wasn’t winning her case. Meela was shaking her head. 

“This isn’t fair.” 

“Meela–”

“–Don’t you do that. The least they could do is let you stay long enough to have the baby, where there are _fisas_ here to help you.”

“They don’t know about the pup. I intend to keep it that way.”

Meela crossed her arms, “This is crazy.” 

Lexa’s expression hardened, “Meela, I already had to drug my mate. If you are going to make this difficult, I have no reservations about putting you to sleep as well.” 

Meela looked away before she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Before she could say anything else, there was a knock at the door. They both looked at the door and then each other before Meela reached for the bag Lexa still had in her hand.

“I will take care of this for you. We don’t want to give them reasons to punish you further.”

Lexa gave her a tight nod before she walked to the doors. To her surprise, it was a woman. Unlike Cole, the man who had been escorting her to the throne room, this woman was more familiar. 

“Gaia”

Gaia gave her a small smile. There were both younglings at the same time. Although, Gaia had presented as an omega about a year before Lexa did. She hadn’t seen much of the other girl since then. The fact that Lexa was seeing her now could only mean that she already had her two pups. All of this was just a painful reminder to Lexa of all the work that still had to be done. While she was still standing in the doorway, Lexa asked,

“Are they training you to be the next _Fleimkeppa_?” 

Gaia nodded. 

“It will be my job to remove the flame today,” she said solemnly. 

Lexa nodded soberly before she said, “Let’s get this over with, lead the way.”

Gaia turned toward the lift, and Lexa followed her, looking over her shoulder at her quarters for the last time. 

###

Lexa got off the lift on the ground floor, walking towards two guards on either side of the double doors that opened to the city. Remi and Seth, both of whom Lexa had known since before she could walk. She made eye contact with both of them as they nodded back to her one last time. As they each opened a door, Lexa braced to get a good look at the city she loved more than almost anything else in the world. But when she saw the sight before her, she gasped. As far as the eye could see, people were flooding the main road that lead from the main doors of the tower to the gates of Polis. There were merchants, bakers, people with their families, and warriors. Lexa recognized many of them as her neighbors, the ones who watched her go from a squirming pup to a mischievous _seken_ and eventually their _Heda_. Although based on the number of people packed onto the main road, many from local villages in the areas surrounding Polis must have also come to watch. 

_Ai slip throu yu ogeda,_ (I failed you all) Lexa thought to herself as she hovered at the doors of the Tower, unable to walk through them just yet. 

Her face was stripped of all warpaint, her head piece, taken when she had the flame removed. Ragnar had practically ripped her ceremonial robes off of her back the moment she walked into the shrine room. Seeing as a Commander was usually burned wearing that robe after they died, she wasn't entirely sure what he planned on doing with it. All she had now was the jacket she was wearing, a good pair of boots, her swords, and the pack on her back that Meela had prepared for her.

Never in Lexa’s nineteen years had she ever seen Polis so quiet. A narrow pathway only wide enough for two people to walk side-by-side bisected the sea of people. The pathway was enforced by her warriors with their backs to the people, facing the aisle, starting from the wall of the tower to what she assumed went to the gates of Polis along the main road. The people standing closest to the Tower were the fourteen members of the Ascension council. Lexa searched all of their faces. Some of them could barely make eye contact. Others showed open disdain and hostility, but worse were those that held no expression at all as if they were standing there, but their minds were somewhere else. Ragnar’s gaze bore into her. Lexa paused when she made eye contact with Kane, who tried to give her the slightest of nods. She returned it with a nod so minuscule she thought he might not have seen it. 

Her assessment of the Council members was cut short when Ragnar stepped into the pathway and yelled for all to hear, 

“ _De os Heda ron of Polis en de Kongeda thau koma. Em ste Heda no mou!_ ” (The great Commander escapes Polis and the Coalition without honor. She is Commander no more!)

As he returned to his place in the fence, starting with the first two Ascension Council members on either side of the pathway, they chanted back, “ _Em ste Heda no mou_ ,” before turning around to face the crowd, shunning Lexa with their backs. 

Before they finished their chant, the next two Council members had already started the chant all over again. And so it went. First, the Ascension Council, then her Ambassadors, then the War Chiefs that were already in the city. Wanting to get this over with, Lexa had no choice but to start walking, knowing that she was leaving her heart behind in that Tower. 

Lexa tried to clear her mind, tune out the chanting, and hold her head high, making eye contact with the people of Polis. But when she saw Ezra up ahead, her heart dropped. Ever the warrior, he held his back ramrod straight, arms by his side, with his head facing forward. She knew he must have been able to see her, but he kept his eyes on the person across from him. Everyone told them growing up that they looked so much alike, in their mannerisms, their faces. Their smells. But Lexa always thought that while her eyes had more yellow in them, Ezra’s were a true grey-green, as if the rage that brewed inside of him, always clamoring to come to the surface, left a permanent storm in his eyes. When only three more people were up to turn around before him, Lexa could see his mask start to slip. His eyebrows, covered in warpaint, scrunched together, and his eyes were glassy while he fought tears back until she saw the tear drip past the angel wings on his face, tracking black paint down his chin. 

“ _Em ste Heda no mou_!” 

He turned around.

Lexa had no choice but to keep walking, but instead of looking in the eyes of her warriors, she looked straight ahead. She did not want to rush to the gates because that would have made it seem like she could not bear to face them. About a third of the way to the gates, the people in the streets started to yell. At first, she could not tell who they were yelling at, but she heard one man whose voice sounded vaguely familiar. She realized that it was a vendor who sold one of her favorite desserts, from what seemed like a past life, 

“ _Ai wich in yu, Heda!_ ” (I believe in you, Commander)

When warriors looked for the source of the voice, he was deep enough in the crowd that there were too many people between him and the warriors themselves. After Lexa felt convinced that he was not going to be punished for his defiance, she brought her focus back to getting to the gates. But he was not alone, and she noticed the farther she walked, the more voices she heard. Some voices she recognized, like the vendor, but others were unfamiliar. Regardless of whether or not she knew them personally, their sentiments were the same: she still had their support. Lexa could not believe it as she heard people saying, 

“ _Oso gaf in yu, Heda_ ” (We want you, Heda)

“ _Yu ste de fousen Heda!_ ” (You are the real Commander!)

“ _Oso hod yu in, Heda!_ ” (We love you, Commander!)

Lexa had an uneasy feeling in her stomach as anger pheromones started wafting from all directions. It should have brought her to her knees, without the flame in her head to protect her, except she could also smell adoration and support in a way that both touched her and made her fearful for her people.

Then, in between the bodies making up the fence, she noticed people on the ground, kneeling, and showing their necks. Which stopped her in her tracks. To think that without any dominant pheromones or authority to speak of, that they would still submit to her left her deeply moved.

After making eye contact with a little boy, who was on his sire’s shoulders, the little boy started yelling, “ _HEDA! HEDA! HEDA!_ ”

His sire tried to get him to calm down before other people started chanting, “ _HEDA! HEDA! HEDA! HEDA!_ ”

From what she could see of the warriors’ faces in this portion of the fence, they started to look nervous. Their shoulders hung with tension. Lexa started to smell fear as she saw some of the people pushing to get past the warriors and into the pathway.

It was not entirely clear what they hoped to gain from breaking through. But when one man in the path ahead of Lexa made it through and started to run towards Lexa, some of the warriors abandoned their posts to try to remove him. But that only caused a hemorrhage of citizens into the pathway. 

When she saw a few of the quickest run right past her towards the Tower, she realized what they were doing. _They are running towards the Ascension Council._

Lexa knew that she needed to move out of the way quickly, or it was entirely possible that she could get trampled should she fall over. She took one look back and saw that all of the Order members had scrambled back into the Tower and shut the door.

She hoped that Ezra had made it back inside because she knew that there was virtually zero likelihood that this riot ended without any violence. Lexa scanned both sides of the diminishing pathway to look for an area where the density of people was less. She found an area and took a plunge into the mass of people.

When people saw her, they tried to touch her, many still yelling “ _HEDA!_ ” but she tried to weave through as quickly as she could. When she had finally waded through layer after layer of people to find a side street to escape down, she took a deep breath, her back against the wall of a dilapidated building from a people over three hundred years ago. _I wonder if the end of their time looked anything like the riot I see before me._

Lexa heard a scream, and then some wailing, and it took everything in her power to put one foot forward in the opposite direction of the riot furthering down the street. She knew that someone had to lead these people, fully knowing that she lost that sacred right. Lexa continued to walk next to the building she used to steady herself, taking a right that put her closer to the direction of the gate.

The minute she turned the corner onto the street, a piece of cloth with some pungent smell was forcibly thrown over her face, making it impossible for her to see her attacker. She tried to fight them off, but as the screams of her people began to seem farther and farther away, her thoughts drifted back to Clarke’s smile as everything faded to black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp, are you guys still with me?
> 
> In case anyone was wondering, the plan has always been for Lexa to be banished in this fic. In fact, it was one of the first concepts I came up with when I was thinking about the general layout for how this was all going to go. 
> 
> Certain parts of this chapter were really hard to write, but the interaction between Clarke and Lexa felt like it was writing itself. I hope it felt as natural for you guys to read, even if a little devastating. 
> 
> Also we will not be hearing from Lexa for a couple of chapters. I know, there is a mystery of who put her to sleep, I would love to hear your speculations in the comments. But we are going to pick up from when Clarke wakes up a couple of hours after the city erupted into chaos and stay with her as she goes on this journey alone. (Did I mention the title of this fic was How Can I get Back to You?)
> 
> As always guys, thank you so much for reading, please, please, please, stick around, I promised you a happy ending at the start of this fic and I still plan on keeping up my end of the bargain. 
> 
> Let me know what you think,
> 
> -Biphi


	34. How Can I Get Back to You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke wakes up in the aftermath of Lexa's departure from Polis. She attempts to come to terms with what has happened only to feel as though the ground has shifted underneath her feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Saturday Everyone!
> 
> For those of you who don't know, when I first published this fic, I actually published a chapter late into the fic that I thought captured the feel of what I thought this fic would be. When I ended up decided to go for it, and do this for real, I pulled down that chapter to avoid too many people reading spoilers. 
> 
> We have finally gotten to the contents of that chapter. For those of you who read that chapter, this chapter is slightly different and it's split in half. So if any of you remember any details about the back half please do not spoil it. 
> 
> As always guys, thank you so much for reading!

**Clarke**

“ _Clarke,_

_Words cannot describe how sorry I am for having to leave you like this. Again. I know that if I allowed myself to look into your eyes any longer, I would not have been able to walk away. I know you will not understand why I am leaving you at first, but I hope that someday you will see that I did this for the Coalition, for my people, whom I deceived from the moment I started my first heat, and for you. I know you feel that my people’s unwillingness to let omegas enter the Conclave is to blame, and while that may or may not be true, the fact is, those are the laws. In my arrogance, I believed that by sheer force of will and the knowledge of what is right, I could surpass the laws and culture of my people. Please do not think that you could convince me to stay or that I would have let you come with me. But know that from the moment I saw you, I fell deeply in love with you. There was never a day after that I was not in love with you. I will spend the rest of my life loving you. While I no longer believe that love is weakness, another one of the gifts you gave me, know that even if that turns out to be true in the end, I will never regret how weak you make me. Please do not compromise your position in Polis. I made this sacrifice so that you and your people could stay. It will be because of you that our two cultures will be able to coexist and eventually merge. Please do not go looking for me. No matter what happens, know that I will do everything in my power to get our pup to you, even if it means sacrificing my life to do so. I ask the Spirit every day that our son may have the best of you, and I know that he will. Oso na hit op nodotaim, ai niron._ ” (We will meet again, my love) 

After waking up alone and reading the note Lexa had written her, Clarke started to feel like there wasn’t enough air in the room for her to breathe. Her heart clenched, and she began to see spots in her vision. All Clarke could focus on was the panic of losing her mate and her pup. When Clarke realized that she was experiencing a panic attack, she bit her lip until she tasted blood. Anything to distract herself from the involuntary terror that something bad was going to happen. Except something bad did happen. Something that Clarke had no control over. 

Clarke remembered the first panic attack she had as a pup. There had been an accident in Main Engineering. When Charles Pike walked out of the classroom to speak to one of the nurses who worked in the Medical Bay, her eyes hovering over Clarkes through the narrow window of the door, Clarke knew something was wrong. She would find out later that her dad had suffered a head injury, one that required a part of his skull to be removed temporarily. Thankfully, he recovered. But the first day he went back to work, Clarke was paralyzed with fear that this time, he wouldn’t come home. 

She didn’t have panic attacks very often, and she learned over time how to recognize them before they started. But that wasn’t foolproof. Clarke did her best to shut out the excess stimulation in the room. She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. _In. Out. In. Out_. 

When Clarke eventually settled down, she looked around the room to assess her situation. After a quick scan, she realized she wasn’t in Lexa’s bed but her own. Someone must have moved her after she was knocked out. She was still wearing the same blue nightgown she put on that morning before Meela had brought breakfast to Lexa’s quarters. All of her stuff that she had slowly been bringing up to Lexa’s quarters over the past few days was also brought back down to her quarters. Clarke couldn’t help but bring her gaze down to where there should have been a dark spot on the floor from Titus’ black blood. She shivered. 

Clarke swung her legs over the side of the bed, only feeling the room spin for a couple of seconds as she did so. As Clarke stretched her stiff muscles, she tried to come up with a plan to figure out her next move. Her alternative was either panicking about Lexa or stewing in rage at the people who did this to her. 

After a brief moment to center herself, Clarke decided that she needed to find Ezra. Without having Lexa to guard, Clarke realized that she did not know where Lexa’s brother would be, so when she asked Ryder, one of the warriors standing outside of her door, her blood ran cold. 

“ _Wanheda_ , Ezra was arrested shortly after _Hed- Leksa,_ ” he corrected himself, “was driven out of the city.” 

Clarke turned back towards the inside of quarters to look out at the window. She noticed that the sun was hanging low in the sky. She likely had been sleeping for about six hours or so. _Damn you, Lexa._ She cursed to herself, unable to soothe the ache she felt for her mate but also frustrated that she could not have intervened before Ezra was taken away. _Before you were also taken away from me._

Thinking about Lexa made her dick throb uncomfortably. Seeing as she could not relieve herself by emptying her seed into her mate, Clarke was at a loss for what to do. Ideally, she would prefer to ride out the rest of her rut alone. She already knew what interacting with others did to her. But Ezra was in trouble. She knew that if she couldn’t save Lexa, the least she could do was help her brother. But before she dashed out of her quarters still only wearing a nightgown, she paused. It was only yesterday that she gave in to her alpha’s rut driven rage that got her into the mess that she was in. She had to do this right. Rushing down to save Ezra while she had all of this pent-up energy was probably the last thing she should do. 

Searching for a way to dispel some of the tension, Clarke figured out a plan. She knew it could be dangerous for both of them, but she decided to find Bellamy to ask if he would spar with her. Hopefully, tiring herself out would prevent her from doing something that would get her thrown into a cell before she could do anything to help Ezra. Clarke bit into her lip again until she could taste blood, distracting herself from what happening in her pants. She then turned back to Ryder, 

“On what charges?” 

“Treason. His effort to protect his sister’s secret all of this time was a betrayal against the Spirit of the Commander.”

“You mean, by helping Lexa ascend and remain, _Heda_ , he was somehow going against the Spirit’s wishes,” when he nodded, Clarke narrowed her eyes and found herself shaking her head. 

“But how could the Council know that for sure? There’s no way they already completed the Conclave, so there is no one to speak for the Spirit at this time.” 

Ryder started looking around the hallway without moving his head and eyed the guard on the other side of her doors. Clarke pulled the large beta into her room and shut the door in the hopes that he would speak freely. 

“ _Wanheda_ , the Council speaks on behalf of the flame until a new _Heda_ can ascend. At that time, it will be _Heda’s_ responsibility to commute the sentence.” Clarke let that sink in. She had more questions but realized that continuing to grill Ryder was in neither of their interests. 

“Could I go see him?”

“He will be guarded on one of the lower floors of the Tower. I cannot say for certain if they were given explicit instructions on who could see him, but _Wanheda_ ,” he looked down at Clarke with concern on his face. 

“Be careful. Even if you are allowed to speak with him, expressing doubts of the Council’s authority in the presence of the wrong people could mean that not even _Leksa’s_ deal with the Council will save you.” Clarke smirked at his latest response.

“She made you swear to protect me, didn’t she?”

When he did not respond, only tilting his head slightly to the side and moving his chin down did he confirm her suspicions. _Why are you always protecting me and never letting me protect you?_ Clarke had to hold back a whine for her lost mate. Taking a minute to compose herself, she looked back at Ryder.

“ _Mochof_ , Ryder.” 

The beta nodded, this time straight on to her face before he opened one of the doors and stepped outside without saying anything else. 

###

In her haste to find Bellamy, Clarke threw on a set of work-out clothes she brought from the Ark and then went straight down to the ground floor of the Tower. What she saw made her jaw practically hit the floor. Instead of the traditional sentry on either side of the doors, there were over a dozen. They let her pass without too much issue, but when they saw her red eyes, she could tell she was drawing attention to herself. She held her breath when they searched her, hoping that the alpha doing it wouldn’t take her rut pheromones as an excuse to challenge her. 

When she passed through the doors, there were even more warriors lining the steps and keeping most people out. The main square looked like a tornado had gone through it. Vendors’ carts had been tipped over, some completely destroyed. Thankfully, there weren’t any bodies on the ground, but Clarke noticed dried blood all along the cobblestones. Very few people were out. Warriors were cleaning the streets and helping shop owners re-attach doors. Clarke wasn’t entirely sure what had happened, but she knew that she couldn’t stay down there in town for too long. It took her four tries, but finally, Clarke was able to get someone to tell her how to get to the library. 

After turning down several streets, Clarke realized that most of the damage was on the main road. The rest of the city appeared to have fared better. But it still felt like a ghost town. Most of the tradesmen had their windows and doors shuttered. The typical sound of the smiths she heard late into the night were all quiet. The more time Clarke spent in the city, the more worried she began to feel. 

When she saw the library, her first instinct was to run over to it. But something stopped her. As she approached, two beta warriors, a male, and a female, on either side of the door, drew their swords. Clarke had to bite the inside of her cheek to prevent herself from growling. She wasn’t just the most powerful alpha who happened to be in rut; she was also an ambassador and, _not Heda’s mate anymore_ , she reminded herself. Not that that would have helped her. The male warrior addressed her,

“ _Wanheda_ ”

She nodded before she said, “Why can’t I enter the library?”

The male warrior looked at the female warrior before looking back at Clarke.

“The Ascension Council has barred anyone from accessing the books here.”

_ Well, that was fast _ , Clarke thought. Taking people’s ability to read their history away was an effective way to control the narrative. When Lexa talked about omega _natblida_ gaining agency, Clarke doubted that this was what she meant. She brought her gaze back to the male warrior,

“Has a male _Skaikru_ alpha been around here asking to enter?”

This time the female warrior said, “No one was here aside from the librarian when we were stationed here about two hours ago.”

“Did the librarian say that someone had come in earlier?”

“We didn’t ask.”

Clarke fought the urge to place her pointer finger and thumb on the bridge of her nose. 

“Can I speak to the librarian, then?”

Both of the warriors looked at each other like they were guilty of something but didn’t want to say so. While they had put away their swords earlier, the male warrior now had his hand on his hilt. 

“That won’t be possible.”

_ Oh no. _ Now Ryder’s warnings made much more sense. She knew that Lexa wanted her to stay in the city, but somehow it was becoming increasingly clear that the longer she stayed, the greater danger she was in. The Ascension Council might have made Lexa promises, but if they were taking actions like banning books and murdering librarians, they could easily make up a law or a rule that could end with her being tied up to a tree. 

Clarke took a deep breath to clear her head as much as she could. The longer she was exposed to so many different scents, the harder it was for her to fight them all. At least she knew that the warriors sent to take the library hadn’t killed Bellamy. But he left her quarters over two hours before Lexa had her put to sleep. This meant that Bellamy could have easily gone to get the book and left long before any of this mess happened. Clarke put a hand to her temple. She was getting a headache thinking through rut brain like this. The male warrior had relaxed his hand before he said, 

“ _Wanheda_ , you should return to the Tower. The _gonas_ (warriors) stationed outside have strict orders to prevent anyone from going inside the Tower after dark.”

The best Clarke could do was hope that Bellamy got his book and headed back to the Tower. She cursed herself for not checking his quarters first before running out to the last place she knew he went. She trained her attention back on the warriors in front of her. 

“ _Mochof_ ”

They nodded in response. Clarke wasted no time heading back to the Tower. But on the way back, she could see more warriors in the streets than on her way over to the library. The Council must have sent riders to nearby squadrons, recalling them to the city on top of the interclan army that stayed in Polis. Clarke shook her head. Something bad happened here, something that she needed to get to the bottom of. The only person implicitly she trusted who likely knew the answer was Ezra. And with the Council increasing the number of warriors in the city, there would likely be greater security within the Tower itself. 

Clarke blew out a large breath of air. She didn’t know for certain where Bellamy was, but the likelihood that she would be able to talk to Ezra decreased the longer she waited to find him. No, Bellamy would have to wait. She had to see Ezra. 

When Clarke made it back to the Tower, she was searched more carefully than when she left. Thankfully, the warrior who searched her on the way in was a female beta. She lingered on Clarke’s biceps and around her waist longer than she should have, but at least Clarke didn’t have to bite back a roar as she did at the alpha on the way out. In another life, Clarke would have been self-conscious at the way this woman was marveling at her. Or she might have even been flattered. The beta had beautiful brown skin that covered long sinewy muscles. She had hazel eyes and auburn hair. By all stretches of Clarke’s imagination, this woman was stunning. But Clarke wasn’t living in those alternate lives; she was mated. And rut or no rut, another person could not satiate her need to be with her mate. 

When Clarke got the all-clear, she hustled back to her room just before dinner was sent to her quarters. She was hoping that it would be Meela bringing her food, but it was an unfamiliar beta male who quietly brought her food on a tray to the dining table. He had his gaze averted the entire time, and he left before she could say thank you. 

Whatever was on her plate, Clarke couldn’t remember. Everything was tasteless. She doubted that was actually true, but she certainly couldn’t taste anything. 

When the beta male returned to take her empty tray, Clarke asked for hot water to be brought up for a bath. She knew that she reeked of rut. During an alpha’s rut, their scent was supposed to be reveled in. Watching omegas and betas swoon as she walked by while alphas avoided eye contact to avoid challenging such a powerful rutting alpha would normally make her puff out her chest. But all it reminded her of was the mate she could not share it with, whose body she could not ravish until she had her fill with pleasure. 

Clarke sat in the tub, staring at her toes while her mind kept traveling back to thoughts of her mate. Of the bump that was starting to show. She knew that Lexa was dreading the inevitable “visibly showing” phase of her pregnancy. Obviously, Clarke knew that Lexa was really just concerned about how to tell her people, knowing that her ambassadors already sided with _Azgeda_ , just for finding out she was an omega, let alone being with pup. But Clarke loved seeing Lexa’s belly grow. It was a pleasant reminder of what they had made with their love so many months ago. Her mind wandered back to when she and Lexa were walking out of the gates of Arkadia, pictures of their pup placed in an inside pocket of her jacket over her chest. Of gazing at her mate, quietly weeping with joy, glowing and proud. _What do I do now?_

After almost an hour, she had already washed her body, but with no one to get dressed or to remain naked for in her quarters, she waited in the tub until her toes looked like prunes and her dick was so hard it made it uncomfortable to move. With a deep breath, she hauled herself out of the tub in one fluid motion, grabbing a clean towel and walking out of her bathroom. Every single step she took made her dick throb. 

Clarke sprawled out butt naked on top of the furs, facing the ceiling of her spacious chambers. _Well, let’s get this over with_. She began fondling herself, hoping that after emptying herself a few times that she could control herself enough to see Ezra. But every time she let her mind wander, she would start to see images of large green eyes, usually stoic and measured but full of lust and longing when they made eye contact for too long. Or she would think of her plump lips, how she would bite on the right side of her bottom lip when she was concentrating, how when she smiled, truly smiled, and it made it to her eyes. It made Clarke feel special that she got to see one of the best parts of Lexa in ways that few others ever did. But then she would think about how Lexa was gone, and she might never get to see that smile, hear her laugh, trace her narrow waist that swung out to wide hips with her hands just before picking her up by her thighs and bringing her to the bed. And then Clarke’s hands would stop moving, and she would growl at herself for thinking about the one person she needed but could not have.

When she finally did have release, she roared loud enough that the entire floor likely heard. Under normal circumstances, she probably would have been embarrassed, but in her rut, she did not care. It had taken her too long, and she could feel all her rage directed towards the people around her, ultimately taking her to the end. She would have preferred to have fully gotten rid of her hard-on, but it was dark outside, and she just really needed to talk to Ezra. She cleaned the cum covering her stomach off with the towel she brought from the bathroom and then started to get dressed. Clarke was again happy that she asked her mother to pack her a bag of her old clothes from Arkadia. She had at first tried to pull her pants on that Lexa had gotten made for her when she arrived, but while they were made to allow her to move, they did not have the added space for her to grow, so to speak. She eventually opted for a pair of sweats, having the room to tuck in her arousal into one of the pant legs, feeling awkward like a pup entering her rut for the first time, embarrassed at not being able to control herself. But the reality of Ezra’s situation sobered her enough to pull through it. 

After getting her knives and sheathing them, some in places where people could see them, others tucked away, she took out the folded ultrasound photos of her son she still stored in the inside pocket of her jacket out to look at. Her mind traveled far away, if only for a millisecond, as she looked at his hand raised in the air like he was waving. She kissed the top photo then placed it back in her jacket before leaving her chambers and heading to the lift. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this chapter gives you more questions than answers but I promise, next chapter we will get the whole story from Ezra. I loved everyone's theories about what happened to Lexa, keep them coming. 
> 
> As always guys, thank you for reading, it means so much to me that you guys are enjoying reading this as much as I enjoy writing it. Drop your thoughts in comments!
> 
> -Biphi


	35. The Sinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke goes to see Ezra and he forces Clarke to confront some tough truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! This is a tough one, so buckle up. I am really proud of this chapter, I hope you guys like it too even if parts of it are hard to read. 
> 
> As always, thank you guys! 
> 
> Stay safe and VOTE!!!!

**Clarke**

The ride to the prison floor in the lift was suffocating. All she had was her own smell and the prayer that no one would be getting on with her on the way down. When she arrived at the level, thankfully, without anyone else to watch her leave the lift on that particular floor, she immediately walked into a dark hallway with torches lining the walls. She decided to take a right, only to realize that the entire floor was a large loop. She kept walking until she saw rooms with the doors replaced with bars that swung open, lining one side of the hall with a sentry on either end of the hallway. There were half a dozen cells, each ironically about the size of her cell on the Ark. Including Ezra, four of the cells were occupied, one person per cell, although each room had more than one set of chains in it, suggesting that the rooms could house multiple prisoners if necessary. She assumed that two of the prisoners must have been the guards that worked for Titus. There was straw littering the ground, and each cell had a bucket she assumed was used as a chamber pot. It smelled like they had not been emptied in days. Clarke had to breathe through her mouth to keep herself from retching up the measly amount of food she managed to get down earlier. As bad as the smell was, it kept her pants from becoming uncomfortably tight. 

Clarke asked the nearest sentry to let her into Ezra’s cell in _Trigedasleng._ When at first he refused, Clarke, both tired and in rut, fought a steadily growing impatience. She briefly closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and when she opened them, she spoke again, this time lacing every one of her words with dominance pheromones.

“You _will_ obey me. _Ai laik Wanheda_. And I have official business with this prisoner. I suggest you do not test me again, or you will soon find out just how well my title suits me.” 

With her dominance pheromones flooding the hallway, he began to sway, dizzy from all of the force Clarke had exerted. He ended up on his knees, with his head turned to the side in submission. Satisfied that she had gotten her point across, she decided to test a theory about just how much power her rut afforded her. She took in a deep breath before she said,

“Let me into his cell.”

The guard stood up and walked over to Ezra’s cell without another word, confirming Clarke’s suspicion. _Coercion_. It seemed like she really was more than just the garden variety alpha. Clarke had only ever heard of a handful of powerful alphas throughout history who had the ability to actually force others to do whatever they told them to do. She had never tested this theory before. She wasn’t entirely sure what she had been more afraid of, that she had coercion or she that didn’t. Maybe it was only during rut that she could control people this way. At this point, she couldn’t be sure. For now, she was just glad that she could use it to see the man she was beginning to see as her brother.

Clarke would be lying to herself if she said that she wasn’t the least bit proud of the fact that she was one in a billion. She puffed out her own chest and continued to push out her pheromones until she stood in front of Ezra’s cell. Clarke was brought out of her own ego trip the moment she laid eyes on Ezra. 

Ezra had been in this cell for less than a day, but he might as well have been a different person. His arms were cuffed and chained to the wall, deliberately hanging above his head, and shaking from being forced to overextend his shoulders for so long. His head hung forward with his eyes to the ground. Although that could have been because of the pheromones she had been reveling in only a moment ago. _Damnit._

His armor, usually shined to look new and impeccably fitted, was stripped away. All he had on was his small clothes, a set of shorts and a thin shirt that was ripped. He had several contusions along his arms and the visible parts of his chest. He had large welts on both kneecaps making his ability to stand incredibly difficult. But what had Clarke’s blood boiling the most were two trails of blood dripping down his chest and shirt. The trails originated from two gouges, one on each side where his neck met his shoulder. The blood was still sluggishly oozing out. _They ripped out his scent glands,_ Clarke realized as she seethed with rage. 

Before all offenses were capital crimes on the Ark, punishments used to be proportional to the crime committed. Attempting to mate someone without their consent would lead to scent gland removal. For alphas and omegas, it effectively left them impotent. They were still sensitive to the scents of others, but they could not express their own scents. If they tried to initiate a mating bond with someone, even willingly after the fact, it would not stick. For reasons that even their technology could not explain, they would no longer go into heat or rut. Clarke had never known anyone that had had their scent glands removed, seeing as floating had long been the only punishment for an adult on the Ark by the time she had been born, but there were stories. A strong alpha that used to be able to make an entire room of people submit would find themselves submitting to even the weakest beta. 

The image of Titus sneering at her as he sat in her quarters, threatening to have her scent glands removed, flashed across her mind. Of all of the things that had happened in the past few days, putting an end to that man’s life was not the worst of them, even if it caused such a catastrophic outcome. 

In between the rank smell of the prison floor and her rage at the barbarity of the scene in front of her, Clarke felt herself gasping for air. Her vision began to have a reddish tint. Her ears started to ring as she struggled to get any words out. Eventually, she seethed, bringing all of her attention back to the sentry.

“ _WHY?_ ” 

The sentry, who had not yet opened the cell, fell back down to his knees. Clarke turned away from Ezra to stare down at the whimpering man. All of the stress that Clarke had been under during the past few days, the past few months really, found an outlet, and it was the man kneeling on the ground in front of her. He had his hands on the floor to keep himself from collapsing completely on the ground. Realizing that she was never going to get an answer from him while he struggled, she took a deep breath and focused all of her energy on tamping down her anger and dominance pheromones. After a time, the man was able to remain on his knees without the support of his hands. He dared to train his gaze upwards at Clarke to answer. 

“I don’t know. Usually, alpha and omega prisoners are forced to take a medicine that neutralizes their scent temporarily to avoid submission or seduction of the sentries. But when they brought him down here, he already looked this way,” he stammered.

“Then who exactly brought him down here,” she replied, already knowing the answer.

“Members of the Order of the Flame, _Wanheda_.” 

Clarke nodded before she stated, this time without lacing her words with coercion, 

“Unlock the door.”

The man pulled a ring of keys out of a pocket and, with trembling hands, opened the door with a click. Clarke’s eyes traveled down to the other sentry across the hall. He looked like he was on his knees at one point, likely due to Clarke’s show earlier. But he was collapsed as if he had fallen asleep. Knowing that Ezra’s condition likely had nothing to do with the sentry directly next to her, she said softly, 

“ _Mochof_ ”

He gave her a tentative nod before he eyed the hallway. Clarke told him to leave her, and he returned to his post. Clarke took in a large breath, forgetting about the stench until it was too late before she stepped into the cell. Ezra was either asleep or unconscious. Getting glands removed was like shaving part of a person’s essence away. Clarke knew that if she wanted to keep her promises to Lexa, she would likely not be able to get an answer about why Ezra was mutilated, but she also knew that the only conceivable reason was out of spite. She could only imagine how painful it was and how lost he must have felt. As devastated as she was, a selfish part of her just missed his comforting scent. 

Even though she knew from the start that Lexa was an omega and that she was wearing someone else’s scent, Clarke could probably count on one hand the number of times she was around Lexa that she could not smell her brother’s presence in some capacity. She almost smiled to herself, thinking about how she used to be privately bothered that another alpha had to scent mark her omega. But then she reminded herself that that’s part of why they were in this mess in the first place. Now, even the hollow comforts of the alpha’s scent had been taken away. Ezra stirred, raising his head to see who was there. 

“Clarke…you shouldn’t be here,” he choked out. 

Clarke stepped further into the cell to get a better look at him until she was no more than two feet away. This close, she could see that all of his fingernails had been stripped off. One of his arms was broken. He had no shoes on, and from what she could see of the bottom of his feet, they appeared to be burnt, the flesh red, warped and angry. His face, so much like Lexa’s, was covered in bruises, and his bottom lip was swollen in a way that made it impossible for him to close his mouth. A combination of blood and drool was trickling out of the corner of his mouth. His eyes had a glassy quality to them, making it hard to tell if he was focusing his attention on her or if his mind was somewhere else. His nose was broken and bent in an unnatural shape. His beautiful mane of honey-blond hair, typically kept in a single braid, had been shaved off. Removing a _Trikru_ warrior’s braids was only done if a warrior had dishonored themselves. From what Clarke understood, it took an act of betrayal before a warrior lost their braids. 

Clarke saw red again, but she forced herself to avoid releasing any more pheromones, knowing that even if they were directed towards someone else, the person who would likely be most affected was Ezra. 

“Ryder told me that the Order arrested you. What happened?”

Ezra tilted his head up to the best of his ability to answer, “My sister is guilty of many things but getting an anesthetic from a _fisa_ to use on you was my idea. Do not be mad at her. As far as getting arrested, I am not surprised. Lexa offered them an incredible opportunity. They could get rid of her without having to kill the most beloved _Heda_ since _Bekka Praimheda_. Still, they wanted blood. And after all of the work she did to save _Skaikru_ ,” Clarke flinched, “I was the only one left that they could use to set an example. When the people rejected her banishment, their anger was directed at the Council and those that were enforcing their law. Several warriors were killed, and several dozen citizens lost their lives. Lexa would not have chosen to put her people in that kind of danger, and forcing her to leave the city in such a public display ultimately led to the Council’s embarrassment. Someone had to be punished. Her banishment was not enough. And frankly, she could not have done this without me. I am arguably just as guilty as she is.” 

The blood on the streets and the damage on the main road now made sense. A troubling knot formed in her stomach when Ezra had made no mention of Lexa’s well-being or even if she had made it out of the city in one piece. Clarke had to bite back a howl. The distance between them was unbearable but knowing that there was violence in the streets? 

“What happened to Lexa? Is she okay? Did she make it out of the city? Is our pup–”

“–She got out.” He whispered before continuing, “People are listening everywhere but let’s just say, the last thing I did before her walk of shame out of the city was to make sure that she had a way out.”

Clarke frowned, “You can’t just expect me to accept that she got out without giving me more information.”

His eyes cleared, making him so much more recognizable before he said, “If you do something stupid enough to get yourself thrown into one of these cells, which knowing you could happen at any time,” Clarke shuddered knowing how inconvenient that truth was, “the less you know, the better.” Ezra started coughing from the exertion before he continued,

“When the time is right, I will tell you what I know.”

Clarke couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow, “I thought you said I shouldn’t be here. Now you want me to come back?”

Ezra looked at the ground before bringing his gaze back to her face, “I said that you shouldn’t be here, not that I didn’t want you to be. Or that I didn’t expect an appearance.” 

Clarke nodded, not entirely satisfied with the information that Ezra had given her. Unable to sense her mate’s whereabouts, Clarke felt her alpha howl. It would have made concentration difficult if not for the obvious danger of their current situation. Clarke recounted to herself what Ezra had already told her, starting with the riot and then the part about what Lexa had negotiated for. Before long, a question gnawed at her mind. 

“If she went to all of that trouble to ensure the safety of _Skaikru_ , why didn’t she insist on your safety as one of her conditions for leaving?”

Ezra did not say anything for a minute. The filmy quality that his eyes had when she first entered the cell had returned. He gazed back at her with those grey-green eyes, _her eyes,_ Clarke thought. Clarke never could truly get over their similarities as she watched him chew the less swollen side of his lower lip. 

He sighed, “Clarke, either you think Lexa made a miscalculation, which I am almost positive that you do not, or you know why and are afraid to admit the truth to yourself.” 

When Clarke just waited, unsure of what to say, he said, “I think that when you see her again, she will deny this, but consciously or not, she knew that the Ascension Council would not be satisfied with just her banishment. Like I said earlier, she gave them the means to save face with the people of the Coalition, but they wanted to punish someone for killing Titus. They couldn’t have her mate, but they could get the next person she was the closest to. Not to mention making them look like fools after they found out that she had been deceiving them about her presentation for years. She bought time for the people of Arkadia to prepare and for you to leave should you find yourself having to run. But consciously or not, I was left out of her negotiations.”

Clarke gasped as she realized the sacrifice that Lexa had made. 

“She chose me over you,” it was a question and not a statement. 

“Yes”

“But why? You are her family. After all of the people she has lost, Anya, Gustus, Titus…Costia. How could she not fight for us both?”

Ezra did his best to look away for a moment before bringing his eyes back to hers. 

“I have been asked often if I was ever jealous that my sister was lucky enough to have the blood and eventually become _Heda_. But to be honest, being born with blood that runs red was the greatest gift _Keryon_ ever gave me. I had the benefit of being raised in the Tower, being able to read, and train, and learn without having to worry that my body would be used as a vessel either for the flame or for the creation of pups that would likely be taken away from me. While Lexa was being taught that her body was expendable, I had the freedom to decide what I wanted to do with my life in as much as one gets to choose in this cruel world. Lexa was taught how to lose things, while I was taught how to do everything in my power not to lose her.”

Clarke still felt uneasy about this, but when she opened her mouth, he cut her off, “You are right. Lexa has lost almost everyone she has ever loved, but we were all a part of the life that she was engrained to believe she would lose one way or another. The day she met you was the day she finally found something, someone, whom she would never find it in herself to be able to lose. I think that her choice at Mt. Weather, however justifiable it was, was a way of preventing herself from losing you, by making it so you lost her, instead of the other way around.” 

Opening up that wound again brought some vestigial anger to the surface. Lexa was not vulnerable to many people. To be talking about Lexa this way, even with someone who knew her in some ways more intimately than herself, made Clarke uneasy. Looking back at the man, usually so strong, now holding back a whine as he tried to adjust his arms to a more comfortable position, Clarke could not help but grimace. 

Ezra saw her facial expression and said, “Do not pity me, Clarke. I knew the moment Anya found me and asked me to start scent-marking Lexa’s clothes that eventually I would die for my sister and likely not in battle.” 

Clarke immediately thought about the Blakes, about how far Bellamy was willing to go for Octavia. 

Ezra continued, “But Anya had already sent a letter to Titus saying that Lexa had entered her rut. Had I refused to help, they both would have been killed. And you know something? I would do it all over again.”

At this, Clarke’s anger flared, “you mean you are happy that she risked her life in the Conclave, went through years of worrying about getting caught, suffering the possibility that Titus could have refused to pass the flame to her?”

Even in his injured state, Ezra managed to roll his eyes, “Don’t forget all of the people I murdered, some that we were not entirely convinced knew she was hiding her presentation. I would kill all those people again, even knowing that she would come to reveal herself anyway. Am I thankful for all that she has suffered? Of course not, but I knew that she was going to lead the day I caught an eight-year-old Lexa stealing from the kitchens to give food to the starving people outside of the Tower. Lexa was born to lead. She had compassion for those that needed it the most and the poise that demanded respect from all who met her, even from a young age. Everyone and I mean everyone, thought she was going to present as an alpha. I made my peace with the fact that she was going to be in that Conclave long before it happened.”

“But then she presented as an omega.”

“Yes. No one was more devastated than she was. To be clear, it was not the fact that she was an omega per se, but what that meant for her future. Surely someone has explained to you by now how they dress up the sex slavery charade by letting the omegas pick who breeds them. Tell me, has anyone ever told you what happened to Luna?” 

Clarke nodded, remembering the time Lexa explained what happened to Luna over dinner. That was before Lexa fought Roan. She shuddered when she realized that happened only two weeks ago. But is also brought up something that Clarke never fully understood.

“If the Order of the Flame is made up of these same omegas who are forced into having pups that will likely be killed in a Conclave or forced to bear pups in the same process all over again, why enforce this law?” 

Ezra sighed before he said, “The simple answer to why they have not tried to change rules of the Conclave is because we live in a cruel, hard world. And as far as hard lives to live go, they do not have to die by killing people who are essentially their siblings. They still have proximity to their children, even the ones that they are not allowed to claim. They have access to medicine that neutralizes their pheromones and stops heats. It’s why I am sure when you met Titus, you assumed he was a beta. This is all to say nothing of the higher members of the Order, such as _Fleimkeppa_ , who have great influence as personal advisors to _Heda_.”

Clarke tried to put all of this together, accepting the fact that there was a lot of context to this that she might never understand. 

“But earlier, you referred to the whole process as a sex slavery charade. Do you actually think that their lives are better?”

“Better compared to what? Odds are, if you are an alpha _natblida_ , you will die before ever reaching adulthood. Do I think that the process of forcing omega _natblida_ into breeding to ensure there are enough _natblida_ to compete in the Conclave is terrible? Yes. But let me ask you this, _Wanheda._ In your time on the ground, have you ever met an unmated omega over the age of twenty-five?”

Clarke considered this, realizing that the answer to that was no. Even amongst her own people, most omegas were mated by thirty at the latest.

“No”

“I didn’t think so,” his expression softened before he said, “This shouldn’t surprise you, but I am not the biggest fan of the Order. But that doesn’t mean I don’t understand why so many omega _natblida_ choose to stay and join after they have had their two pups. They might not be able to ascend to the ultimate position of power, but by joining the Order, they get some of the privileges and guaranteed safety that many omegas would kill for. An omega might be able to become a general in the army, but there will always be five to seven days every three months where they are incredibly vulnerable, and that’s if they don’t end up pregnant.”

Clarke was about to say something about how choosing to join the Order still seemed like a dumb decision before Ezra said, “not everybody can be the most powerful alpha, able to use _coercion_.” He raised an eyebrow. Even in a prison cell with the living shit beaten out of him, Clarke still couldn’t get anything past him. 

“Do you know when the Conclave is planned to begin?”

“As much as the Ascension Council probably wishes they could hold it tomorrow, they will wait for the Clan leaders to return to Polis. It won’t start for another week.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows, “you think they will wait that long?”

“It’s going to take that long for all of the Clan leaders to get here. Not to mention that _Azegeda_ alpha.”

_ Oh shit. _ The knot in Clarke’s stomach almost lurched out of her throat. 

“Do you really think the Council will let her participate?”

“They will have no choice. She has the blood. If this was a normal Conclave, they might have been able to use the excuse that she wasn’t trained in Polis. After what happened today, the Council will not want any questions about the legitimacy of a Conclave that doesn’t have all alpha _natblida_ participating.”

Clarke nodded grimly before she said, “Lexa always talked about Aden–”

“–being the next Commander after her. I know. She is wrong. Aden will lose.”

Clarke frowned. She had never seen Ezra talk about his sister and her judgment in this way before. When he saw her face, he clarified, “Clarke, don't misunderstand me. Aden would have become a fearsome fighter, with compassion and diplomatic skills to rival even Lexa, herself.”

“But–”

“–But he presented less than a month before the Conclave and will be fighting alphas who have had a whole extra year at the least to grow into their presentation, hone their skills. This is to say nothing of Ontari. Had Lexa remained _Heda_ for even a year more, his chances might have been higher.”

Clarke crossed her arms and shook her head, “I don’t have any intentions of sticking around that long. I need to get back to my mate.”

Ezra somehow got impossibly more ashen-faced as he said, “You must stay.”

Clarke opened her mouth, but he interrupted her, “Clarke, you are _Skaikru’s_ ambassador. You will be expected to be there.”

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows, “I don’t give two shits about what the other ambassadors think. Lexa is out there somewhere, halfway to what used to be California for all I know, and I am stuck here in rut and alone.”

Ezra rolled his eyes again, “I don’t know what California is, but I do know that if you leave before the Conclave happens, it will be viewed as _Skaikru_ rejecting the new _Heda_. And before you say something smart about how that is exactly what you want them to think, remember, Lexa gave up her position to keep your people safe. Do you really want to put their safety in jeopardy after everything you both have sacrificed?”

Clarke relaxed her hands to her sides and looked down at the straw on the ground before she replied, “No.”

Ezra started speaking, bringing Clarke’s face back up to his eyes.

“I know this is hard. But Clarke, I need you to trust me when I say you are going to find Lexa. Before it’s safe for you to do that, we have some business that needs to get done to make it safe enough for everyone involved for you to leave.” 

Clarke was touched that Ezra saw their current predicament as just that, _theirs_. She also had a sinking feeling that she wasn’t going to like this business in part because she was the one who would end up having to do all of the work with Ezra stuck down here. Clarke nodded her head in agreement, even if she wasn’t entirely sure what she was agreeing to. 

“For now, if you are asked to show up for a meeting, you show up. Take counsel with the people you trust, which at this point should be less than the number you can count on one hand and closer to no one.” 

Clarke wished she had gotten a chance to speak to Bellamy after she woke up. She needed his input. Selfishly, she also needed someone who understood her burden of grief. She promised herself that she would find him first thing tomorrow morning. 

Clarke sighed. Ezra’s words reminded her of Ryder’s warning to her earlier. She had already been down there longer than she anticipated. She looked away, knowing she should say her goodbye and leave. But she was avoiding a question, again one that she likely knew the answer to but was afraid to hear out loud. 

“What will they do to you?”

“The ruling was to put me to death. But they left how that would be accomplished to the next Commander. Knowing what little I do about Ontari, it’s likely to be 1,000 cuts if she wins.” 

Clarke once again was amazed how both brother and sister could talk about their own deaths in such a blasé, matter of fact tone.

“I am getting you out of here.”

“Don’t you dare.”

Ezra closed his eyes and breathed out a frustrated sigh. But then it was his turn to look away from her the best he could with his arms hyperextended against the wall. Clarke realized that there were unshed tears in his eyes. 

“Clarke, I need you to stay out of this. I am prepared to die.” 

When he saw her own tears, he said, “Clarke, I have always known that my life would end with me tied to a tree. I will be of no use to you, just an alpha with his spirit gouged out. With my death comes the chance to close a chapter of Lexa’s life, one where she had to lie to be who she was born to be. Let me give her that.”

“But I just lost her! I am not strong enough to lose both of you.”

“But you are. And even if you weren’t, there is not a doubt in my mind that you will be together, and sooner than you think. I know you are worried that she will never forgive you if you do not rescue me, but the truth is, she will never forgive either of us if you tried to save me and got both of us killed instead.” Clarke was still quietly weeping when his last response got smile weakly. 

“Now I need you to go. It will be a miracle if none of this gets back to the Order.”

“I want to patch up those wounds on either side of your neck, or they’ll get infected.”

“Don’t bother, if you do, they’ll know someone has been here. Besides, I am likely to die before an infection kills me.” Ezra tried to smirk, but his swollen lip made it appear to be more like a grimace than anything else.

Knowing that Ezra was just telling her what he thought she needed to hear, she nodded, even as she tried to think of ways to sneak a poultice of some kind into his cell to at least attempt to heal him.

“This is not the last time I will see you,” she whispered as she wrapped her arms around his torso, and buried her head in his chest, making sure to avoid the wounds on either side of his neck. 

“ _Hofli oso hit op nodotaim,_ ” (May we meet again), he whispered into her ear.

Clarke stepped back to give him one small smile before turning around to get the sentry’s attention. He unlocked the door and she left the way she came in. She waited in the hallway by Ezra’s cell for the chance to talk to the sentry. After he locked the door, she followed him back down to his post where she summoned all of the dominant pheromones that she could muster, hoping that her first attempt at coercion wasn’t a fluke as she said, 

“You will not speak of me being here, to anyone, is that understood?”

When he showed his neck and then nodded, she went down to the other side of the hallway to do the same with the other guard. She had to shake him awake, seeing as his comrade down the hall left him on the floor. She then asked if there was stair access on the level. When he pointed her in the right direction, she found it and climbed a few of the flights up. She did not want to risk the chance of meeting someone in the lift as she stepped on from the prison floor.

Once she made it back to her own floor, she made eye contact with Ryder before slipping into her chambers. Ezra had given her much to think about, most of it not good. She still had so many questions about the _natblida_ and what it would mean for the future if the Conclave itself could be changed. In her rut, her thoughts all eventually just led to her thinking about how much she missed being close to her mate, surrounding her with her body, being inside of her, touching her. As she took all of her clothes off, still hot and sweating, her dick slapped against her stomach. 

As soon as she was on top of her furs, she began touching herself. She knew that if she was ever going to settle enough to fall asleep, she would have to take at least some of the edge off. So she selfishly let all of her thoughts and dirtiest fantasies about rutting into Lexa come rushing into her mind. After cumming for the third time, she felt both temporarily sated and horrible longing for her mate. She turned onto her side, somewhat softer than before, and she dozed off into a fitful sleep with tears drying on her pillow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think of everything including coercion, a concept I am still a little nervous about.
> 
> As always thanks for reading, drop a comment if you have thoughts.
> 
> -Biphi


	36. Muddy Waters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke does her best focusing on being the ambassador to Skaikru. She has a much needed conversation with Kane and later makes some interesting discoveries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> It's been a couple of weeks! I haven't had as much time as I would have hoped to write these past few weeks. But I am excited about how this chapter turned out. It's not as earth shattering as some of the recent chapters, but I think some of the stuff that happens in this one are crucial to the upcoming plot. 
> 
> As aways, thank you for reading!

**Clarke**

A knock at the door pulled Clarke out of the paper-thin sleep that she struggled to fall into. The anesthetic messed with her circadian rhythms, making it hard to convince her body it was time to sleep throughout the night. Then there was the matter of actually settling her mind enough to dip into unconsciousness. The bite on her neck was prickling as she stood up on her wobbling legs. _Lexa’s still alive at least,_ Clarke thought bleakly. She wasn’t entirely sure why the wound was prickling, but she knew that if something bad had happened to Lexa, she would know. 

A second knock at the door brought Clarke’s attention back to her chambers. She zeroed in on the nightgown hanging over the back of one of her dining chairs before she muttered to herself, 

“I heard you the first time.” 

As Clarke made it to the double doors, she closed her eyes, taking in one last breath to clear her mind before she opened one of the doors. The man who was standing before her was wearing the robes of someone from the Order. He appeared to be in his thirties and had the pale skin of someone who didn’t spend too much time in the sun. His hair was dark brown, almost black, and just long enough that Clarke could tell that if he grew it out, it would curl. His eyes were almond-shaped and a pretty hazel color. Clarke could see the outer rings of his Order tattoo peeking out on his skin underneath his robes near his right collar bone. 

When Clarke held his gaze, he immediately brought his eyes down from the force of her pheromones, however unintentional. Realizing the effect she was having on him, she decided that the only way she was going to find out why he had disturbed her at dawn would be to ask him herself. 

“Hello, what can I do for you?”

Despite the dampeners the omega was taking, his nervous pheromones invaded her nostrils. Whether that was from her reputation, the fact that she was in rut, or some other reason, she wasn’t sure. He flitted his gaze back upwards, but she could feel them trained on her forehead instead of her eyes. 

“ _Wanheda_ ,” Clarke immediately recognized his voice. He was the one that brought Lexa back to the hearing two days ago. After Lexa returned to Clarke's quarters only to find Titus on the floor. Clarke willed herself not to shutter as she focused on what the man was saying.

“Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Cole, I am one of the junior members of the Order of the Flame, and I have been sent here this morning at the request of the Ascension Council.” 

Clarke had to bite into her lip to prevent herself from growling. It was bad enough knowing that they were still in the same building as her. But the fact that she would have any form of correspondence with them made her vision turn red. All she could do was remember Ezra’s warning that she would have to play the part of a devoted ambassador. She released her lip before she raised her eyebrows and waited for him to continue.

“As acting leadership of the Coalition, while we wait for the next Conclave, they are requesting all ambassadors join them in a half an hour in the throne room.”

Clarke stiffened. Every instinct in her body was telling her to look this omega in the eyes and shut the door in his face, hoping he would share her message with the Council. She wanted to scream at Cole. But she also knew that it wasn’t his fault. Clarke blinked forcefully before she looked back at him and said, 

“I will make sure to be there, _mochof_ , Cole.”

Cole gave her a slight nod before he turned away. Clarke shut the door harder than she meant to, with few ways to express her frustration. She turned around, facing the windows in her quarters. She was hoping to track down Bellamy this morning, starting with a visit to his chambers. She wasn’t sure what this meeting with the Council would be about, but she doubted it would be over quickly. 

Clarke brought her pointer finger and her thumb to the bridge of her nose. She just had to hang in there for another week. One week of her best diplomacy and behavior and she would find a way to leave Polis behind and find her mate. If she was going to have to be in the same room as these people, at least she would get the chance to see Kane. She wanted to hear in his own words what the hell happened yesterday. Another knock on the door cut through her ruminations. 

Thankfully, this knock only brought breakfast instead of something earthshattering. Knowing that she had to hustle, Clarke ate quickly, trying her best not to think of the quietly intimate breakfast she had with Lexa only the day before. 

When Clarke finished, she went to her bathroom to wash her face, only to be reminded of the red eyes that stared back at her. _Great._ Clarke shook her head. She was still only on day four of her rut. She still would have three days after this one of being easily aroused and easily angered. She couldn’t help but look down at herself. Through some miracle, she wasn’t hard at the moment, even if she still had to remind herself that she had to pee standing up. 

At least she would have an excuse for why she wasn’t there yesterday when Lexa was forced to leave the city. From what she gathered, the other ambassadors were there, and she had the feeling that her absence was noted. And if she was lucky, her eyes and her scent would signal to the other ambassadors and the Council members to avoid pushing her buttons. Somehow, she doubted that would happen. 

Clarke threw on clothes quickly, knowing that she didn’t have much time before she needed to be upstairs. She was hoping to find her panther tooth necklace to wear. She found that it had the effect of commanding the respect of her fellow ambassadors, especially when she told them she was the one who killed the panther. Unfortunately, whoever brought all of her stuff back down to her quarters didn’t put it in a place that she could easily find it. Resolved to go without it, Clarke left her quarters, nodding to Ryder before she took the public stairs two floors up to the highest floor in the Tower.

When Clarke entered the throne room, she had to suppress the urge to growl. Lexa’s throne was no longer on the dais. She figured that could have been because of the hearing, but the symbolism of her mate’s throne being gone only underscored what had happened. Everyone was still standing when she got there. The Council members were standing behind their chairs while the ambassadors were standing in front of theirs, moved further towards the walls to accommodate the space needed for the Ascension Council’s tables. 

Clarke briefly made eyes with Kane, who looked worried and tired. Almost as tired as Clarke felt. Clarke gives him a slight nod before she found her chair on the opposite side of the room from Kane, on the right of the man who she assumed was Ragnar. Speaking of Ragnar, when Clarke briefly scanned the six omegas standing on the dais, she felt like her blood had turned to ice in her veins. The man looked so much like Titus that Clarke felt like she had been struck in the chest when those familiar blue eyes met hers. She could feel him studying her in much the same way that Titus used to do as if whatever he saw, he found most distasteful. 

Clarke did her best to remind her alpha that he was not challenging her. She did not need to assert herself. But that didn’t mean that she didn’t want to growl at him or all of the other people who took away her mate. No, Clarke just focused on getting to her chair so she could stand and stare blankly at the wall across from her. 

When the last of the ambassadors arrived, the doors to the room closed, and Ragnar sat down. Clarke watched as everyone began to follow suit, and she brought her hips to her seat. The confusion Clarke saw on the other ambassadors’ faces was reassuring. It meant that she wasn’t the only one who felt uncertain about what was happening. She also hoped that the other ambassadors were not willing to readily go along with everything that the Council proposed. Clarke brought her attention back to Ragnar, who had his hands steepled. Before too long, Ragnar broke the silence.

“We called this meeting to assuage your fears and to discuss the Ascension of a new _Heda_.”

The Ambassador from _Trikru_ stood up before he said, “We still need to discuss what happened to the old _Heda_ , _Leksa kom Trikru_.”

Ragnar seethed, “From now on, we will not speak of her as the former _Heda_. This Council banished her, and she left without honor. Her memories are not carried on the Flame, and whoever ascends will be considered _Heda Dax kom Trikru’s_ successor.” 

_ Trikru’s _ Ambassador shouted back, “We were never told why you banished her in the first place. After such a public display, this Council better has a good reason for why she was banished, and it better not be just because she was an omega.” 

An older woman sitting to Ragnar’s right and wearing slate grey robes opened her mouth, but Ragnar raised his hand to silence her before he answered,

“ _Leksa kom Trikru_ murdered her _Fleimkeppa_.” 

The ambassadors all started whispering amongst themselves. Thankfully, Clarke could hide her own surprise at Ragnar’s lie by passing it off as shock at what Lexa had supposedly done. Clarke could see Kane’s face across the aisle in between the backs of two Council members’ heads. There was a line of tension forming in his jaw. Ragnar’s choice to lie to the ambassadors didn’t appear to be a discussed plan. 

_ Trishanakru’s _ Ambassador joined the _Trikru_ Ambassador in standing before she said, 

“So? She’s not the first _Heda_ to kill their _Fleimkeppa_ , and she likely won’t be the last. How do we know that your familial relationship to Titus didn’t influence the Council’s deliberation?”

Other ambassadors voiced their agreement. 

Ragnar was still sitting in his chair, trying to project composure. But Clarke’s proximity to the dais allowed her to see a flicker of rage that crossed his face. If she blinked, she would have missed it. But when he responded, his tone was even when he said, 

“It wasn’t just that she murdered him. He had vital evidence that could have exonerated her or brought Lexa’s testimony further into question. She killed him before we had the chance to talk to him, all but confirming her guilt. As far as how the deliberation went, I remind the ambassadors that with the additional vote from _Skaikru,_ I did not have a vote in these proceedings.” 

The _Trikru_ Ambassador was about to ask another question when the ambassador sitting to Clarke’s left, the sole omega ambassador, from _Floukru_ stood up and said, 

“Even if all of that was true, why have such a public banishment in the first place? You all knew how popular _Leksa kom Trikru_ was to her people, particularly the ones who live in Polis. How many civilians had to die because of your desire to shame the former Commander?” 

Before Ragnar or any other member of the Council could respond to those questions, the _Delphikru_ Ambassador stood up and said, 

“Sana is right,” referring to the _Floukru_ Ambassador, whom he openly disagreed with the most, at least since Clarke became an ambassador. Clarke had to work to keep her jaw off of the floor as he continued.

“It’s your fault that the riot happened in the first place, that all of those civilians died, even the peaceful ones. Well, the riot has been disbanded. Why do you have so many warriors still in the city?” 

Ragnar finally stood up and brought his hands together before he said, 

“Enough. This meeting was called not to relitigate the decisions of the Ascension Council but to air any questions about what is happening right now.”

When he didn’t continue, the remaining ambassadors still standing sat back down. 

“As far as the warriors within the city, they are here for everyone’s protection. And they will stay until the next Commander has Ascended.”

With the ambassadors settled, at least outwardly, Ragnar sat back down in his chair before he continued,

“Speaking of Ascension, the Council has decided that six days from now, we will host the next Conclave to once again name an heir to _Bekka Pramheda._ ”

_ Ezra was right. _ Clarke could only hope that there were some things he would end up being wrong about. 

“Riders have already been sent to all Clan leaders who are making their way to Polis.” 

When the ambassadors all nodded their assent, Ragnar ended the meeting and left the throne room before anyone could ask him any further questions. Many of the remaining ambassadors sought out their clan counterparts on the Council. Clarke was no exception, but before she could say much, Kane whispered, 

“Not here.”

Clarke nodded before she led Kane back to her quarters, where they could discuss what happened freely. Unfortunately for him, the time they spent walking gave Clarke a chance to remember that he took part in the decision that ripped Lexa away from her. Despite her best efforts, she couldn’t help the growl that escaped her lips once they were alone. 

Kane seemed to appreciate her anger and put his hands up and neck to the side. Clarke’s alpha wasn’t entirely satisfied. She still expected an explanation about what happened before they talked about what their strategy would be for the next few days. She could sense the calming beta scent surrounding them. Choosing to let them take their intended effect, she steadied her own breathing and waited for Kane to relax. As soon as he did, she pounced,

“What the hell happened yesterday?”

Kane’s eyebrows furrowed, and he sighed. Clarke had her arms crossed, unwilling to let him avoid answering. Despite his seniority in age and position of power their people had bestowed upon him, Clarke recognized how much their dynamic had changed when he tentatively sought out eye contact. As if he had decided how exactly he would word his response, he folded his arms behind his back and stood up straighter when he said, 

“To my knowledge, only you, Lexa, and Titus know what happened two days ago. Seeing as Titus is dead, all I have to go on is what Lexa told us yesterday. When she came to us after Titus failed to show up for his testimony, she caught everyone in the room off guard with her proposal.” 

Clarke raised her eyebrows, “Proposal?”

Kane bit into his lower lip, realizing that he had already crossed into dangerous territory. After he explained Lexa’s dramatic reveal of what happened to Titus and her proposition to give up command, Clarke had to turn away from Kane. She knew Lexa had sacrificed herself to protect her and _Skaikru_ , but she didn’t know just how willing Lexa was to do it. Before long, Clarke forgot all about Kane standing there. She became too overwhelmed by what he told her. She felt nauseous and uncertain that the breakfast she ate earlier would stay down. 

Clarke took a shuttering breath as she wiped hot, burning tears away with the meat of her palms. All at once, the grief that she told herself she needed to suppress to save Ezra and her people and to ensure Lexa’s sacrifice wasn’t in vain tore through her body like a hurricane. She desperately wanted to pin her pain to a target that she could focus on and be angry at. She thought it would be easy to train it all on the Ascension Council, but like everything else, since she fell to the ground, nothing was ever that simple. Just being angry at the Council without being angry at Lexa would be ignoring the past few weeks of decisions that she had made on her own without considering how Clarke felt. But as much as she wanted to be angry at her mate, she still couldn’t help but be in awe of her outrageous love and sacrifice. She just wished Lexa had loved her enough to fight to stay. 

To Clarke’s surprise, she could sense a wave of soothing, protective pheromones surround her like a blanket. She heard Kane take a tentative step towards her, and she wiped her eyes one last time before she turned back around to meet his gaze. 

“I could come back later if that would be better.” 

Clarke closed her eyes. Just once, she wished that everything wasn’t all happening at the same time. Now wasn’t the time for her to grieve. She still had so much to do. 

“No. We have to discuss this now,” Clarke rubbed one of her eyes before she brought both hands away from her face. 

She motioned for Kane to follow her to the small sitting area in her quarters. 

“Tell me what happened after she offered to step down.” 

Kane took a small breath, choosing to look away before he brought his gaze back to Clarke’s.

“At first, Ragnar seemed open to her proposal. But when she stated what she wanted in exchange for her abdication, he vehemently refused.” 

None of this surprised Clarke, given his split-second reaction earlier to accusations thrown at him. 

“But obviously, they figured something out.”

Kane nodded, “Lars, the _Azegedakru_ representative suggested banishment as an added stipulation, and when Ragnar said that should she leave publicly and alone, that would be acceptable, Lexa eventually agreed.” 

Clarke began to feel numb. Her eyes slipped out of focus as she imagined Lexa holding her breath as Ragnar insulted her with his demands. 

“All that was left was for the Council to vote.” 

That brought her attention back to Kane, “I’m assuming you voted no.”

Kane’s head tiled several degrees and his lips quirked up strangely. Knowing that it didn’t affect the outcome, Clarke held back another growl. 

“Kane, you didn’t.”

“Clarke, I wanted to vote no, but the only other Council member who was opposed to the deal was Rivi, the _Flokru_ representative. Given the promises Lexa insisted on for _Skaikru_ , and the tenuous position I had on the Council, I had no choice but to side with the majority.”

Something about what Kane had said distracted her, “Wait, how does _Flokru_ even have a representative on this Council? Aren’t members supposed to be from each of the clans? _Flokru_ isn’t old enough to have an omega _natblida_ aside from Luna that could hold that position.”

Kane gave her a wry smile, “My understanding is that she was born _Trikru_ , like Luna, but chose to leave Polis instead of joining the Order after having her two pups. When she showed up as _Flokru’s_ representative, it caused quite an uproar. All the more reason I would be isolating myself from the other Council members had I sided with the black sheep within the Council.”

It pained her to admit it, but she knew Kane did the smart thing even if the tiniest part of her wanted to strangle him for it. 

“Also, before I even cast my vote, I looked back at Lexa, and she shook her head at me as if she knew I was tempted to vote against the deal.”

Unwilling to consider that statement for too long, Clarke circled back to his original statement.

“I see you are just assuming that the mate in question was me.”

“I will not tell anyone, not even your mother. I will leave that one for you.”

Clarke gulped before Kane’s small smile turned into something closer to a frown. 

“Lexa said Titus threatened you. Is that true?”

Clarke looked away this time, fighting the urge to look at the spot on the floor where Titus’ body used to be. She didn’t realize that she hadn’t responded for some time before she heard Kane say, 

“Did he hurt you?”

She turned her face back towards him, “No, he–” 

Clarke brought her fingers to her temples. Whether she liked it or not, the moments leading up to Titus’ death were hazy and coated with rage and shame that made it hard to see through. 

“It wasn’t me he was threatening.” 

Kane raised his eyebrows, but he waited for her to continue.

“If it wasn’t already obvious, I am in rut. And Titus found me this way, which in and of itself wasn’t terrible, but when he found out Lexa and I were mates, he flipped out and accused me of being the reason Lexa would be killed. In my rage, and out of fear at the possible truth of his words, I struck him down.”

Kane listened to her explanation quietly with his hands in his lap. Clarke could feel him studying her. She could almost see the wheels turning in his head as he decided whether or not this was a good time for a teachable moment. Knowing that they didn’t have the time, and frankly, she didn’t think she had the bandwidth for another one of those conversations, Clarke figured it was as good a time as any to drop another bomb on him. 

“There’s something else I think you should know. Lexa wasn’t–isn’t just my mate,” Kane’s expression turned curious.

“She’s also carrying my son.” 

Kane’s jaw opened slightly as he stared at her. 

“For obvious reasons, she kept that information from the Council. I know I can trust you not to tell anyone. I just thought it might give you further insight into my actions over the past few weeks.” 

Kane finally closed his jaw and said, “Her absence must be incredibly painful for you, in more ways than one. I wish I had done more to keep her here with you.” 

Clarke gave him a small smile, relieved that he didn’t ask too many questions, “Believe me, you’re not the only one with regrets about how things happened.” 

Kane’s expression softened, “We cannot change the past. All we can do now is focus on what we are doing to fix the future.” 

“Speaking of, I wanted to ask you about the decision to have Lexa’s brother arrested.” 

Kane looked confused.

“Wait, you don’t know about that?”

“No, when did that happen?”

“Shortly after the riot. I was told the Ascension Council ordered his arrest.” 

“This is the first I am hearing of it.” 

“Do you think that they are having meetings without your knowledge?” 

Kane shook his head, “I don’t think so. In all of the time I have spent getting to know the members of the Council, I have learned that each of them has their own agendas. The likelihood that all of them agreed to a meeting like this, knowing that Ragnar would be using them to assert his own control, is very small.”

Clarke nodded grimly.

“But that doesn’t mean that he acted alone.” 

Clarke stood up, “if this means that there’s a shadow council enacting their own agenda, we could be trouble.”

Kane nodded, “if that’s the case, we would be better with the Conclave past us.”

“So long as one of the alpha _natblida_ raised here wins, that’s likely true.”

“What do you mean?”

_ Shit. _ It turned out there were a couple of things Kane needed to get up to speed on. The more Clarke told Kane about Ontari, the deeper the frown on his face became. 

“Basically, this whole situation is a mess, and we need to be really careful here.”

Kane nodded in agreement before he said, “Have you talked to Bellamy since all of this happened?”

“No, I was actually going to ask you if you have spoken to him.”

Kane sucked in a breath before he said, “I haven’t spoken to him since the first day of the hearing.” 

Trying her best not to panic, Clarke said, “After you leave here, I will head down to his quarters. Maybe he’s been busy reading that book he borrowed from the library.” 

It was a pretty flimsy hope, but for now, it was the best excuse they had. 

“And I will make some inquiries. Maybe someone has a list of those who were injured or killed during the riot.” 

Clarke nodded grimly, thankful that Kane had volunteered for that job. Kane stood up, and Clarke walked him to the door before she hugged him. It was strange hugging Kane, and not just because she was in her rut, but because it was Kane. When they both released each other, Kane said, 

“Take care of yourself. I mean it, your mother would have my head if anything were to happen to you.”

Clarke gave him a small smile before she said, “We will talk soon.” 

###

Standing in the lift as she was being brought down to a much lower floor in the Tower, Clarke felt her stomach clench. When she woke up to Lexa’s note and the terrible news that Ezra had been arrested, she justified her search for Bellamy as a means to get her energy out in the sparring ring. But that was only partly true. Once again, her world had been turned upside down. Bellamy wasn’t there for all of the times her life had been permanently altered, but he had been there for enough of them that she became accustomed to his presence in these moments. 

But when she made it to the library and was forced to confront the possibility that something had happened to him, her initial urgency at finding him seemed to wane. It wasn’t because she didn’t feel like she needed him. It was quite the opposite. She wanted more than anything for the doors of the lift to open and for her to find his room where he would be calmly sitting in his chambers and giving her shit for worrying about him in the first place. And that was part of why it had taken her almost twenty-four hours to pack up the courage to go down there to find out. If she let her other, seemingly more pressing concerns take up her time, she wouldn’t have to know for sure that he wasn’t there. The image of him reading his book peacefully could still be a possibility.

But when Kane hadn’t heard anything, that was the final straw. She couldn’t keep pretending that he was just too enraptured in his book to bother to come to see her. She needed to know for sure what happened to him, even knowing the possibility that she lost one more person she loved was too much to bear. As she counted the number of floors that had passed her by on the way down, she forced herself to prepare for the likelihood that he wouldn’t be there. 

When the lift groaned to a stop, she stepped onto a floor very different from her own. Unlike her quarters that basically took up an entire floor, this floor resembled a dormitory. Young warriors were speaking _Trig_ in the hallway. More than one door was open, allowing anyone a clear view of the modest quarters inside. It felt oddly similar to the tight living spaces on the Ark. She knew that she was spoiled staying in the quarters that Lexa had assigned to her, but she didn’t realize how spoiled she was until she saw the array of sleeping options the Tower contained. Not knowing which room was Bellamy’s, Clarke turned to the warriors who had stopped their conversation as she walked by them.

“Do you know which room a tall male _Skaikru_ alpha was–is staying in?” 

One of the warriors pointed to a room three doors from where they were standing, and Clarke thanked them before tentatively walking towards the door. When Clarke was directly in front of it, she could hear the two warriors pick up their conversation where they left off. She let herself get lost in the familiar sounds of their _Trigedasleng_ for a few moments before she made any moves. 

Knowing that she was being watched and not wanting to appear nosy, Clarke knocked on the door. She held her breath as she waited to hear someone standing up and walking close to the door on the other side. But she didn’t hear anything. So she knocked again. And she braced herself a second time. After a third, louder knock, with similar results, Clarke tried to turn the knob, expecting it to be locked. To her surprise, the door was unlocked, and she almost stumbled inside when it pushed forward. 

When Clarke recovered from the minor embarrassment of tripping into the room, she was able to look around. It wasn’t a large space, even if it was a little bigger than the open rooms she saw closer to the lift. He had a window with a desk and chair facing it. The bed was probably about half of the size of the one in her quarters, but it took up the bulk of the space. There was no bathroom attached to the room, so she assumed there must be a community bathroom on the floor somewhere. And Bellamy was nowhere to be found. 

Clarke closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. Like hot embers from a burning campfire, she could smell the prevalent smokey notes of Bellamy’s scent everywhere. This was definitely his room. And he had been there recently. Not today, not even within the last twenty-four hours, but his scent wasn’t stale. 

Trying to put her efforts towards gathering evidence instead of worrying about the implications of his absence, Clarke walked deeper into the room. A set of drawers on the sidewall contained most of his clothes. She saw a knife that she didn’t recognize on top of it. When she looked at the ornate carvings, she realized he must have purchased it during his time in the city. 

Clarke walked over to the simple desk where she saw an old world copy of _The Illiad_ with a drawing of a Greek helmet on the cover. Clarke flipped open the cover of the book, enjoying the strange experience of holding a hardcover book for the first time. But her mild amusement was abruptly brought to an end when she read the handwritten inscription on the title page. 

_Bell,_

_I found this book in President Wallace’s office in between a ridiculous sword and a sculpture of an old, dead guy. I cannot presume to know why he kept this story in his office. Or what meaning he drew from it as touched the worn pages with oily fingertips. But I hope that it brings back fond memories of the time you spent with your mother and sister reading about a world that was ancient even to those who dropped the bombs. I hope that this book allows us to make new memories. In case that is a little too subtle for my own Greek hero, let me spell it out. You are going to be a father, Bellamy Blake! You are going to be an amazing Dad, and I cannot wait to start this new journey and spend the rest of my life with you in this wide and beautiful world. Even if it means listening to you tell me about dead guys and their horses. So long as it means we get to make some history of our own!_

_All my love,_

_-G_

Clarke whipped her hand away from the cover as if it burned. What at first started as gentle curiosity ended up feeling like a huge invasion of privacy. Even if she wasn’t sure that Bellamy would ever return to this room, Clarke felt like she should leave. But a part of her knew that she needed to stay, at least for a little while longer, to see if there were any clues as to what happened or where he went. 

Another book on the desk caught Clarke’s attention. The book was leather-bound, and the pages appeared to be more crudely made. But it was a drawing of a hand with a spiral in the center of it and the title, _The History of Azegeda from the Eyes of its Kings_ on the cover that held her attention. 

Clarke’s mind started running a mile a minute as she realized the significance of this book. Bellamy told her in the morning yesterday that he was going to the library to pick up a book about the history of _Azegeda_. The fact that it was here meant that the two warriors she saw guarding the library were telling her the truth, that they didn’t see him when they took it over. Which meant Bellamy made it back to his room to drop it off. 

Clarke blew out a large breath as she placed a hand flat on the cover of the book, mirroring the handprint that symbolized the Ice Clan. Just because those two warriors didn’t kill him, or that he wasn’t killed on the way back from the library didn’t mean that something bad didn’t happen to him. He could have dropped the book off, saw the people gathering outside for Lexa’s banishment, and went to check it out himself. Unless Kane found some definitive evidence that he was recovering somewhere or died in the riot, Clarke would have no way to know for sure. 

Clarke turned back towards the door, about to give up and leave when she remembered one thing he told her during their last conversation. She had asked him to make sure he could leave at a moment’s notice in case things went South when he said,

_ “I always have a bag packed in my chambers, you know, the ones considerably lower in the Tower.” _

Frantically, Clarke began tearing up the room, looking for a packed bag that contained the essentials that Bellamy would need if he had to leave the city in a hurry. She looked under the bed, in all of the drawers, behind the drawers. There really wasn’t that much space for him to have a bag hidden. After she convinced herself that she wasn’t missing anything, she felt confident enough to say that for whatever reason, Bellamy left the Tower with the intention of leaving the city. He must have been in a hurry because he didn’t bother to lock the door even though he lived on a floor with grounders who would otherwise have access to his stuff. 

She had no guarantees that he even made it out. Or what it was that he was running from. But considering the entire conversation she had with Bellamy and another conversation she had with a different alpha currently rotting in a jail cell, she had a couple of ideas. All she could hope was that he somehow figured out a way to get them to safety. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing all of those ambassadors pissed off at the Council. It made sense to me that they would feel that their authority was being undermined and I felt like they were airing out some grievances that really needed to be said even if Ragnar chose not to address them. 
> 
> Also, I didn't feel like giving all of the ambassadors names, especially because most of them would only be mentioned once. 
> 
> I know some of you were hoping Clarke would strip them down with her awesome power, but like Ezra has said, there is a time and place for that, and right now Clarke needs to play her cards right. 
> 
> Remembering what Kane does and does not know is just as annoying for me as it is for Clarke lol.
> 
> That last scene in Bellamy's room went way longer than I anticipated but man did it feel right once it was done. I know he's not the main character in this story but he is important to Clarke and will play a role in the rest of the story. As for where he went, well, you will just have to find out. Like Clarke says in the chapter, nothing is as simple as it seems. 
> 
> Thank you guys for your support, you are awesome!
> 
> If you have any theories or want to share your thoughts, feel free to drop a comment!
> 
> -Biphi


	37. The Conclave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Conclave is finally here, Clarke does her best to grin and bear it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> So I decided to kind of fast forward through the remaining six days before the Conclave for a number of reasons. One being, this fic is long, probably too long and I didn't think we needed it any shaggier than it already is. Also, any important stuff that happened during that time will be mentioned in this chapter. 
> 
> I don't know how I feel about this one, to be honest. But I did enjoy the time I spent in Clarke's headspace in this one. Also, I am not a fighting expert. These fights are short for more than one reason, please cut me some slack on this one. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading guys!

**Clarke**

Clarke had her hands wrapped around her warm cup of tea like it was a lifeline. She knew it was silly standing so near the glassless window, but she couldn’t help observing the people below, congregating in the square as they anticipated the day’s activities. It had been a cold night. Even with the shades drawn and a roaring fire, she felt like she didn’t have enough furs on her bed for the early November chill. She wasn’t entirely sure if the weather just suddenly got colder over the past few days or if it had already been cold, and she didn’t notice in the sweltering heat of her rut. 

The day of the Conclave was finally here. What a strange six days it had been. Strange in the sense that they felt oddly uneventful. Despite the increased presence of warriors both inside the Tower and in the city, everyone seemed to develop a routine. The Ambassadors and the Ascension Council would have a meeting first thing in the morning to discuss updates and to make decisions that would normally be made by the Commander. By midmorning, they would break off into smaller groups to continue their discussions or to get a better idea of how others truly felt. Most of the time, Clarke preferred to avoid the drama brought on by engaging with the other Ambassadors and opted to primarily talk to Kane about what he thought of the day’s meetings and any other information they had learned while apart. 

Clan leaders began to trickle into the city, each with their own legion of a couple of thousand warriors, making Polis and the surrounding territories feel cramped and on edge. The additional alphas in the city brought Clarke’s rut to a boil. Two days after the first meeting of the Council and the Ambassadors, Clarke snapped at Siref, _Azegeda’s_ Ambassador, after he made a rather distasteful comment about Lexa. Clarke shook her head, thinking about it now. She was lucky Kane was there to release calming hormones. Clarke might have put both of them in an even more dangerous situation than they were already in. The following morning, when she saw no bulge poking up from under her sheets in the morning and cerulean blue eyes staring back at her in the bathroom mirror, she cried, relieved that she could finally start to feel like herself again. At least as close to herself as she could feel without her mate. 

The day before the Conclave, Roan came bursting into the throne room with Ontari in tow. When Ontari saw Clarke, she growled and attempted to lunge at her before Roan physically restrained her. Despite Nia’s previous outing of Ontari as a _natblida_ , most members of the Council had not seen her before. Predictably, the Ascension Council voted to allow her to participate in the Conclave, making her the oldest alpha to compete by three years. Even though Ezra had prepared her for that eventuality, it was still tough watching the _Azegeda_ alpha preen with cocky satisfaction after the vote had taken place. 

And if that were not enough, there was no sign of Bellamy. Clarke made a habit of going to his quarters once a day in the afternoon in a futile hope that she would find him there. That his absence had all been a misunderstanding. Instead, the room was always unchanged from the last time she visited, with the exception being his scent that had continued to wane with each passing day. When Kane finally got ahold of a list of the injured and dead, both of them held their breath as they combed through the names. Thankfully, his name wasn’t there. Without any more information, Clarke could only hope that it was Bellamy that Ezra had asked to get Lexa out of the city. 

Clarke was dying to ask Ezra to confirm her suspicion. But the first two times she tried to see him again, people joined her in the lift mid descent. It was not typical to see an ambassador on the lower floors beyond the residential dorms. She was worried that people would start asking questions even if she didn’t get off directly on the prison floor itself. The third time, she went later on in the day and managed to travel in the lift alone. Clarke got off a couple of floors above to use the stairs to access the floor directly. But when she made it to the floor, she nearly bumped into one of the sentries walking the hallway. After narrowly ducking back onto the landing of the staircase until he passed, Clarke stuck her head back into the hallway. There were definitely more sentries guarding the floor since the last time she was there. She wasn’t sure that she had coercion outside of her rut, and she didn’t want to test that theory with half a dozen warriors she saw and smelled on the floor. Eventually, she just took the stairs up as far as they were safe before they were too damaged to use and headed back to the lift on what she realized was a laundry floor. That was the last time she tried to speak with Ezra before the Conclave. 

For the past week, Clarke has tried to keep her head down and wait for the Conclave. The chaos immediately afterward would hopefully give her the cover she needed to leave the city unnoticed. But with all of this time to stew and to discuss the future and its possible eventualities with Kane, the reality of Ontari becoming _Heda_ was proving to be too unsettling to accept. As bitter as she was to admit it, Clarke knew that she couldn’t just barrel out of the city at the first sign of mayhem. Not when Kane was the only other person standing in the way of _Skaikru’s_ destruction. 

On top of today being the day they would watch children kill each other, Clarke had an entirely different reason for her somber mood this morning. Amongst days of sitting in meetings and going through causality reports, Clarke had enough time to do some particularly personal math. Today marked the beginning of Lexa’s twentieth week of pregnancy. Twenty weeks. _She was halfway there_. And Clarke was missing it. She missed a whole twelve weeks while she lost herself to be of any help to Lexa. Now, when she wanted more than anything to be by Lexa’s side, supporting her through the changes in her body, singing to their pup so he could learn her voice, Clarke couldn’t be there. One of the greatest joys of being a mated alpha with a pup on the way was witnessing their partner’s bump grow over the months of their pregnancy. It confirmed not only their virility but also the strength of their choice of mate. Clarke was on no uncertain terms that Lexa was giving her an incredible gift. She was sacrificing not only her body but her whole life, just for this pup. Even if some of Lexa’s recent decisions drove Clarke a little crazy (never mind the fact that her actions were part of why Lexa made them) she would do anything to be by her side again. It wasn’t just about some dumb alpha protection thing; Clarke felt like her life was happening without her. 

Clarke shuttered before she felt her alpha whine as it called out for Lexa. She could not let herself be dragged into despair. She had work to do before she would move heaven and earth to get back to her mate. Knowing that she had to be in the square soon, Clarke downed her warm tea. She pulled off her nightgown and found clean clothes to go under the set of armor Meela had insisted she start wearing when she left the Tower. She armed herself with all of the knives she could hide in places that the warriors at the entrance of the Tower wouldn’t find. Then she used warpaint to create simple, clean streaks across her eyes. Satisfied that she looked the part of an Ambassador going to an event, she stepped out of her quarters and into the lift. 

###

Clarke shifted in her seat. The stage was particularly cramped. The Ascension Council was sitting in the front row, followed by the Clan Leaders, and then the Ambassadors. When Roan gave her one of his signature smirks, Clarke did her best not to grimace. She looked around the square turned arena. Even after considering what happened the last time the Council had a public event, the number of warriors in the crowd, around the _natblida_ , and especially around the stage, was astounding. 

Clarke couldn’t help but feel déjà vu being at an event like this. Even if she didn’t fully admit it at the time, she was terrified for Lexa’s life when she went up against Roan. Now, all she could do was hope that Aden, and if not him, any of the other six _natblida_ could win against Ontari. All eight of them were lined up at the front of the stage. None of them had any weapons. They were all wearing war paint, no doubt in the patterns that each of their _fos_ had given them, just like Anya had given Lexa her pattern. Ontari stood out with white paint covering the top half of her face. She growled at Clarke when their eyes met. Clarke fought the urge to roll her own. When Aden slightly turned around, Clarke nearly cried. Instead of wearing his own pattern, he was wearing the up and out claws that Clarke had fallen in love with. It must have been a risk for him to do that, and she could only hope he would reap the rewards for his courage in the arena. 

Chanting in the surrounding crowd brought Clarke’s gaze straight ahead. She couldn’t help but study the faces from all the original twelve grounder clans. Of the twelve clans, six of them were represented by alpha _natblida_ today. There were two _Trikru_ and two _Delphikru_ pups with the four others, including Ontari, each representing a different clan. Lexa had explained that it was an incredible honor for a clan to have one of their own become _Heda_. Even if the pups spent most of their lives in the melting pot of Polis, three hundred years of cultural pride and rivalries ran deep. The novitiates might have been raised to treat all clans the same, but that didn’t mean that a Commander from your clan didn’t mean that you wouldn’t have an easier time securing trade routes and access to better water sources. The six clans with _natblida_ fighting had a lot riding on today. 

A particularly strong wind caused Clarke’s nostrils to flare, but not with disgust. Amongst the smell of alpha musk, omega persuasion, and the ripe smells of the city, Clarke smelled a scent that had been escaping her all week. Except that now that she finally smelled it fresh, she wasn’t sure she was quite as happy about what it implied. The smokey notes of Bellamy Blake’s scent, mixed with cinnamon, allspice, and space, the unmistakable trademark of those who were born in the sky, almost forced Clarke to stand up from her chair. 

Clarke scanned the crowd until she saw a mop of dark brown curls and almost black eyes staring back at her. At least she thought that’s what he was doing. Bellamy was about two rows deep, so Clarke could not get the best look at him from where she was sitting. But he appeared to be unharmed at least. His mouth was a thin line, almost flirting with a frown. Clarke hoped his glowering wasn’t directed at her. Before she could try to get his attention, Ragnar stood up, removing any possibility that she could try to talk to him before the start of the Conclave. 

In _Trigedasleng_ , he bellowed, “I want to welcome everyone, both from the city and throughout the Coalition, to witness our most sacred tradition, the Conclave. Just as our first true leader, _Bekka Pramheda_ , went through enormous struggles, so must our eight champions today. For only one of them will be chosen by the Spirit of the Commander to Ascend. Only one of them is the true heir to _Bekka Pramheda_ and successor to _Dax kom Trikru_.”

Every time Ragnar tried to erase Lexa from the canonical history, Clarke had to bite her tongue to avoid saying something that she would regret. But thankfully, she didn’t have to say anything. Within the crowd, people started yelling, 

“What about _Leksa kom Trikru_?”

“You cannot erase our _Heda_!”

Before too long, warriors drew their swords and began threatening those who were still chanting in the crowd. Ragnar chose to ignore them while he explained the rules of the Conclave.

“Each of the champions’ names is in this bag,” Ragnar showed the crowd a small sack that he was holding. 

“Each champion will be paired with another champion. After the first four matches, the surviving champions will face off again until there are only two of them remaining. The final fight will determine who the Spirit has chosen to lead us.” 

Clarke felt nauseous as she watched Ragnar call out each of the _natblida’s_ names. When Ontari got paired with a pup that Clarke didn’t recognize, she felt both relieved that it wasn’t Aden and guilty at the thought that she was hoping another pup would be killed. Aden was paired with a boy Clarke didn’t recognize. All she could do was hope that he would somehow make it through this. 

Ontari and a boy named Raf stepped to the center of the ring. All of the weapons were on the ground lining the ring. Ontari and Raf would have to choose their weapons quickly. The Ambassador sitting next to Clarke told her that Raf was fifteen years old. He had olive skin and shiny black hair. Even though he was four years younger than Ontari, he was almost a foot taller than her. Clarke hoped that he could use that to his advantage and get to his weapon first. 

Unfortunately, as soon as Ragnar shouted for them to begin, Ontari raced towards a set of daggers laid out and threw one at Raf’s throat before he made it back to the center of the ring. She defeated her first opponent without ever having to exchange blows. When Raf fell and began to gurgle black blood from his mouth, Ontari raised her hands in victory. Clarke watched in horror as the people watching the fight cheered her on. 

The three other matches in the first round weren’t quite as dramatic. Most of the pups opted for swords and danced around the ring until one would get tired and slip while their opponent would take advantage. Clarke couldn’t help but cheer as Aden beat his first opponent in the last of the four matches. 

Ontari was matched with a fourteen-year-old boy named Kris in her second round. This time she picked up a sword, expertly parrying every one of his advances. After a couple of minutes, it was almost as if she got bored with him, knocking his sword out of his hand as if it was the easiest thing to do. Defenseless, he just gaped as she ran him through with her sword, and he fell to his knees. 

Aden got paired with the oldest _natblida_ who had trained in the Tower, the girl who presented a week after Lexa’s Conclave, Sera. Knowing how much more experienced she was compared to Aden, Clarke couldn’t help but feel nervous as she watched them walk towards the center of the ring. She held her breath as they exchanged forearms before Ragnar told them to begin. 

Aden managed to get his hands on a sword and a dagger before Sera forced him to turn around and answer her first attack from one of the swords she was wielding. Despite being caught off guard, Aden was able to dodge Sera effectively. From then on, with a precision that could only have taken years to master, Sera began a series of attacks designed to tire Aden out. At first, Aden seemed to be able to match Sera blow for blow. He even managed to push her closer to the edge of the ring. But what he didn’t realize was that Sera let him think he had the upper hand. 

Before long, Aden took too broad of a stroke with his sword, and Sera used that as an opening. Sera stepped out of the way of his sword before bringing her sword along his right arm, creating a wound two inches above the elbow that carried all the way to his fingertips. Clarke couldn’t help the gasp that left her lips. She was always worried that Aden would lose, but she thought it would be to Ontari, not anyone else. 

Aden dropped the sword and staggered back. Black blood began seeping from his arm, coating the ground wherever he walked. Clarke’s heart crept up her throat as she watched Aden try to put as much space between himself and Sera. But there was nowhere for him to go. Sera was able to push him against the edge of the ring until his back was almost touching the warrior standing in between him and the crowd. Just as Clarke began to make peace with the fact that she was going to have to watch Aden die, she had to rip her jaw off of the floor as he plunged the dagger in his left hand in between her ribs as she was getting ready to strike him down. 

Everyone in the crowd seemed to be holding their breath as the most dynamic match of the day took an unexpected turn. Sera took a small step back, mirroring Aden’s earlier movements and dropping both of her swords. Aden seemed to be the most surprised of anyone as he blearily stepped around her body, now on the ground and bleeding out. He did his best to raise both hands as the crowd cheered for their new favorite underdog. 

Thankfully, while Sera’s body was taken away, Aden was allowed to be patched up before the last match. It wouldn’t fix the blood loss he already suffered, but hopefully, it would prevent him from losing anymore. When the _fisa_ finished bandaging his thankfully superficial wound, he patted Aden on the shoulder before Aden walked out to the center of the ring once again to meet Ontari. His skin was pale, and Clarke could tell he was already tired. Somehow Clarke didn’t think he would be able to pull another upset in this match as he did in the last one. 

Ragnar told them to begin, and Clarke watched through her fingers, not wanting to witness Ontari mow him down. Aden managed to retrieve a sword and shield this time, giving him some much-needed cover. But he kept the shield in his dominant right hand while the sword was in his left. Clarke understood that he was worried about his right arm, but it was quite apparent that he wasn’t entirely adept with his left. Ontari fought him for a couple of minutes, but it was clear that the last match effectively exhausted Aden’s reserves. 

When Aden slipped on the ground, still slick with the blood of his adoptive siblings, Clarke had to cover her mouth with her hand. Aden had lost his sword and shield when he fell forward and tried to catch himself. He managed to end up on his hands and knees, but the impact reopened the wound on his right arm. Before Aden could get up or even reorient himself, Ontari stepped behind him and slit his throat. It was mercifully quick. Aden lost consciousness rapidly as his life pumped out onto the cobblestones in the ground. As horrific as it is was, Clarke couldn’t pretend that it was the first time she had watched a pup die. But Clarke would never forget how Ontari looked directly in her eyes as she did it. 

The crowd was quiet for a few moments afterward, shocked that their underdog was taken from them so fast. But there were _Azegeda_ warriors in the crowd, and they started chanting,

_“HEDA! HEDA! HEDA!”_

Before long, enough of the crowd had joined in. Even though Ontari was old enough to have fought in Lexa’s Conclave, and even though many were not happy about the end of Lexa’s reign, they just saw a definitive display of prowess. With that, Clarke’s hopes of convincing the people to turn on Ontari vanished as they cheered on their champion.

Ragnar stood up from his seat once again, putting an end to the chanting. It felt like everyone was holding their breath as they waited for Ragnar to speak. But instead of speaking, Ragnar got on his knees and submitted to the new Commander. All Clarke could do was gawk as she watched everyone in the square follow Ragnar’s lead. Knowing that she had no choice but to follow, Clarke silenced her alpha that was screaming at her not to submit before getting down on her knees and turning her head.

###

Clarke felt like the rest of the festivities she was forced to participate in outside of the Tower were happening to someone else. Ontari gave a speech, something about restoring the Coalition to the old ways. Whatever that meant. There were still a few upset about the outcome, yelling obscenities about Ontari being Nia’s puppet, that Lexa should have never been banished. Some even bolder demanding the end of the Ascension Council altogether. 

When Ontari had them all lined up, with their knees getting caked in the sticky tar-like black blood still coating the ground, Clarke had a sick feeling in her stomach. After Ontari executed the lot of them instead of attempting to soothe their frustrations or at least hear them out, Clarke was already starting to miss Ragnar’s leadership. 

Ragnar announced that the bodies of the fallen _natblida_ would be burned in the afternoon, their bodies, including Aden’s, already taken back to the Tower. Ontari’s Ascension would occur tomorrow morning, and her recitation of the lineage of the Commanders would be in the afternoon. But until then, it was supposed to be a time of celebration. 

Huge barrels of what Clarke assumed to be spiced wine, mead, and spirits were brought out into the square despite the sun still being high in the sky. The food vendors must have been preparing for this all night, as she smelled mouthwatering scents every which way she turned her head. But Clarke had no intention of sticking around. 

As soon as the Ambassadors were allowed to leave the dais, Clarke leaped off the stage. She considered telling Kane about her plans, but she didn’t want to waste any time or the risk that someone would overhear them. Clarke spent the next twenty minutes searching in vain for Bellamy. The further along she searched, the more she began to question whether or not she saw him at all. When another fifteen minutes had gone by, and Clarke wasn’t able to catch a streak of curly dark brown hair or a whiff of his scent, she became resigned to the idea that she had only imagined him earlier. 

Unwilling to spend any more time in a place celebrating Ontari’s victory, Clarke decided to just go back up to her quarters. Clarke began to run through all of the possibilities of what Ontari’s Command could mean for her and her people. After what she saw in the square, she knew none of them were good. She held out hope that staying might mean they could find a diplomatic solution to their problems. It was a part of what made Clarke who she was. But that didn’t mean that she wouldn’t be prepared in case things went South for them rapidly. If she and Kane were going to be able to leave the city, she would have to act fast. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to radio Raven as a heads up in case they needed to prepare for an attack on Arkadia. 

Clarke made it to her quarters and immediately walked into her bathroom to rinse the warpaint off of her face. When she saw the charcoal-colored stains on the hand towel, she felt the hot, salty tears she had been holding back since she saw Aden’s body fall limply to the ground stream down her face. It wasn't like she knew the boy particularly well. She had only met him once before. But Aden winning the Conclave would have meant that her people would likely be saved, that she could have left Polis and been done with it. And if she was being honest with herself, it was more than that. She cared about Aden because Lexa cared about him. He obviously cared enough about her to shame his own _fos_ by rejecting his given warpaint to emulate his former mentor’s. Clarke couldn’t help but feel like she failed Lexa by allowing him to die.

Clarke shook her head before she wiped the tears out of her eyes. She didn’t have time for this. She had a list of things to accomplish as long as the Tower was tall and a clock that was ticking away. If she could achieve everything she wanted to, she would have time to mourn later. At least that’s what she told herself anyway. 

A knock at her doors brought her out of her spiral. She stiffened. It could have been Ragnar. Or Ontari. Or Kane. Really anyone. Her list of people that she safely could trust was shorter than ever. Not wanting to appear as if she were hiding something, Clarke hustled to the doors. She squared her shoulders, neutralized any sorrow still lingering in her scent. When she opened the door, all she could do was keep her jaw off of the floor and the smile from taking over her entire face. 

“Princess, are you going to let me in? I have loads to tell you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy!
> 
> Clarke really can't catch a break these days. I know some of you were really hoping that Aden would find a way to win and Clarke could high tail it out of Polis and find Lexa and everyone would be happy. But I just didn't feel that Aden winning would be realistic in this circumstance. Also, Clarke's got to make a few moves before she can leave Polis. 
> 
> Side note: I hope this wasn't too graphic for anyone, that really wasn't my intention for this part. 
> 
> I am so looking forward to revealing where Bellamy has been this whole time. Believe it or not, this part of the story has actually been in flux since the beginning until one day over a month ago I started hammering it out. Expect that for chapter 38!
> 
> As always guys, stay safe, thank you for reading and if you have comments, please feel free to let me know!
> 
> -Biphi


	38. The Rescuer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke find out what Bellamy has been up to these past few days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everyone!
> 
> I know I am back with a chapter pretty quickly, but I don't imagine any of you guys complaining about that. 
> 
> What can I say about this chapter?
> 
> It's kind of a story within a story. I am just as surprised as anyone that I would want to take Bellamy on his own separate adventure, but here we are. I promise Clarke is not removed entirely from this chapter, but I found even for me, it was nice to get out of her POV for a little while. 
> 
> All in all, this one was really fun for me to write, and I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

**Clarke**

“Princess, are you going to let me in? I have loads to tell you.”

Clarke stepped out of the way, and Bellamy walked into her quarters so she could close the door. Clarke quickly scanned Bellamy, looking for any clues as to where he went and how he had been traveling. He looked fairly clean, with no outward appearance of dehydration or exhaustion. He had a bag slung over his shoulder that Clarke didn’t recognize, and he was wearing grounder clothes, but for all intents and purposes, he looked like the same old Bellamy that Clarke had grown to love. Relief that he didn’t die in the riot and that he looked okay welled inside of her, and before she could stop herself, she ran into his arms and gave him a tight embrace. Bellamy whispered,

“It’s good to see you too, Clarke.”

Clarke let her hands fall back to her sides, and she took a small step back. Knowing that he didn’t appear to be in any distress, Clarke’s own impatience got the better of her.

“Where’s Lexa?”

Bellamy’s eyebrows furrowed, and his lips formed a strained frown. The short-lived relief that she felt only a second before immediately replaced with panic.

“I don’t know.”

* * *

**Bellamy**

Bellamy averted his gaze, unsure all of sudden of how best to tell Clarke what happened. He knew telling her about that part of the story would be difficult, but when she blurted out that question at the start, Bellamy wasn’t entirely sure that Clarke would hear him out. He began to smell Clarke’s anger and fear all around them before she said,

“But you did know, and then you lost her?”

Bellamy brought his eyes back to Clarke’s before he said, “I didn’t lose her, I–”

“–Bellamy, what the hell happened to my mate?”

Clarke stepped into his space, close enough that Bellamy couldn’t help but emit a small warning growl.

“If you just back off for a second, that’s what I am trying to tell you!”

Clarke raised her eyebrows and took a step back. Bellamy softened his expression, knowing the pain Clarke must have been going through. He placed a tentative hand on her shoulder and released calming pheromones he hoped would help Clarke relax enough to hear him out.

“I know you must be freaking out right now, believe me, I understand. But for this all to make sense, I have to start from the top. And you have to be able to listen without interrupting me every five seconds.”

Clarke looked away like she knew what he was saying was true.

“Will you let me tell you what happened?”

Clarke had tears in her eyes when he looked back at her, and it nearly broke his heart. She wiped her tears away as she nodded.

“Good. And then you can tell me what the hell happened here while I was gone.”

“Deal.”

Clarke led him to the seating area of her quarters, and once they were sitting across from each other, Bellamy interlaced his fingers, shifting his gaze between his hands and Clarke’s face. He took a deep breath before he committed to looking her straight on.

“Right. So, this all started a week ago, right after we talked, and you told me to watch out for…”

###

_One week ago_

Bellamy left the Commander’s quarters and hopped into the lift. He gave Ezra a tight nod from his position guarding the doors to Lexa’s room before the lift dropped below the floor. Bellamy felt wired this morning. Considering what Clarke did to Titus, Bellamy wasn’t sure what was about to happen. Or where they would all end up by the end of the day. It was funny. When he got to Polis, he convinced himself that he would hate being here. He never once considered that he would like Polis or the people that made it what it was. Bellamy had never been surrounded by so many people, all with different cultures and traditions. It felt so new, and yet so ancient like the cities from before the bombs, or even before that, like the cities of ancient Rome. 

He hated to admit it, but being away from all of his responsibilities in Arkadia hadn’t just allowed him to pursue some of his own interests. For the first time in months, he wasn’t having any nightmares about what happened in Mt. Weather. 

That didn’t mean he was free of nightmares entirely. When he did have them, they focused on Gina. His alpha whined at her loss and the loss of their pup. He had only just found out a week before both of them were taken from him. He didn’t like to dwell on what happened. He appreciated what Abby was trying to do when she forced him to see the lone surviving psychologist after the explosion of Mt. Weather. But talking about her was only making him angry. 

Bellamy shook his head as the lift doors opened, and he stepped into what used to be the main lobby of the Tower. The building likely used to be a combination of luxury condos and office space for Fortune 500 companies. He couldn’t help but marvel at how many of the marble ionic columns were still intact. 

This new life in Polis gave him something to pour his heart into. Or, at the very least, saturated his mind in the world they were thrown headfirst into. He begrudgingly understood why Clarke had chosen to stay here. 

Bellamy spent the rest of his walk to the library absorbed in the sights and smells surrounding him. When he reached the increasingly familiar building that housed the library, he couldn’t help but smile. The door had been painted red, and the bricks that made up the building a deep green. 

When Bellamy opened the door, he closed his eyes and took in the smell of books. The space was surprisingly large and open. On top of the four walls containing books, there were standing bookshelves that formed aisles, adding more space. The library was organized by the era the book came from. Books from before the bombs were further organized based on the date. Bellamy was shocked by how many books from the old world had been preserved. But the section that truly fascinated him was all of the books that had been made after the bombs. 

Some were clearly written earlier and had likely been empty journals that were filled in based on the precision and thin material the pages were made out of. The more recent books were cruder. But they didn’t impress him any less. A lot of the books had vivid paintings in them because many of the grounders couldn’t read, and there was no written form of _Trigedasleng_. The books themselves were written in English. 

Bellamy didn’t get five steps into the library before Kori came out from one of the aisles. Kori had a huge smile on her face when she saw who it was that entered her library. And Bellamy couldn’t help but return her smile. Kori had the most beautiful golden skin. She had light brown eyes and jet-black hair she kept in intricate braids. He wasn’t entirely sure why, but he always felt happier when he was around the omega. 

Kori raised an eyebrow, “Back again, Bellamy?”

Bellamy gave her a slightly sheepish expression before he said, “I came back for the book on _Azegeda_ you said would likely be returned to you by now.”

Kori smiled before she said, “As a matter of fact, I have it behind the counter.”

Kori led him to the back of the library, where a counter held several books, likely that had recently been returned. She picked three books off of the stack, pulling the fourth one out before returning the three books. Bellamy watched as she opened the cover and wrote his name and a date that she wanted it returned on a sheet of paper that went into a pocket on the inside cover. 

He briefly glanced at the book, titled, _The History of Azegeda from the Eyes of its Kings_ , before looking her in the eyes.

“I promise not to have the book back late.”

“You better not.”

Bellamy gave her a small smile. They held each other’s gaze as she pushed the book closer to his hands that rested on the counter. Kori bit her bottom lip before she said,

“Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?”

Bellamy looked away. It’s not that he didn’t enjoy spending time with Kori. But he just lost Gina. It wasn’t just a betrayal to her memory; he didn’t think he was capable of being with anyone right now. And on top of that, with what was happening in the Tower, he wasn’t even sure that they would be staying in the city for much longer. He placed a hand behind his neck before he said,

“Oh, uh, I don’t think that’s the best idea.”

When he looked back at Kori, she averted her gaze, “Oh. I understand.”

Bellamy brought his hand down from his neck, “No, wait. It’s not like that. I like you, I do,” Kori brought her eyes back to his. 

Bellamy pulled his shirt collar back enough for her to see his scared mating mark before he said, 

“My previous relationship was very serious, and it ended abruptly only a short time ago. I promise, my hesitation has nothing to do with you, and more that I’m just not ready.” 

Kori nodded before she said, “Do you think we could still be friends?”

Bellamy gave her a small smile before he said, “I’d like that a lot.” 

She offered out her forearm, and he awkwardly received it by extending his own. 

“Enjoy the book.” 

He gave her a full smile this time, “Thanks, I will.”

Bellamy took the book and left the library before–

###

“Bellamy, what does this have to do with where Lexa went?”

Bellamy was immediately brought out of his memory before his eyes refocused on Clarke’s.

“You wanted to know what happened, and this, believe it or not, is important.”

Clarke crossed her arms and looked away before she said, “Fine. Please, continue.”

###

Bellamy returned to his quarters and had just started reading his newly lent book when he heard a knock at the door. 

Not expecting any visitors, except maybe Clarke or Meela, Bellamy put the book back on his bed before he went and opened the door. Bellamy couldn’t contain his huge grin when he saw who it was. 

“Hey, big brother!”

He pulled Octavia in a tight embrace and spun her around in his arms. 

“O! I’m so glad you’re here! That both of you are here.”

Lincoln was still waiting in the doorway, waiting to be allowed inside.

“It feels like it’s been forever.”

Bellamy brought his sister back down to the ground before she replied, “I know, we hustled here as soon as we were, uh, finished.”

All three of them blushed, and Bellamy averted his gaze. Knowing that the reason they didn’t join him and the rest of Lexa’s party back to Polis was that Lincoln went into rut was more than Bellamy thought he could handle. He put his hand behind his neck and said, 

“Well, listen, a lot’s been going on here these past few days, and I would love to show you both around. Lincoln, I’m not sure just how much time you have spent in Polis–”

“–Bell, wait. I’m happy to see you too, we both are. It’s just that, as soon as we got back to camp and Abby told us what happened while Clarke and Lexa were there and that you wanted us to come to Polis, we started riding and didn’t stop until we got here. If it’s all right with you, Lincoln and I were hoping to find our quarters and take it easy for the next couple of hours.” 

Bellamy raised his eyebrows, “Oh. Yeah, that’s totally fine with me.” 

Octavia flashed him a classic Blake smile. “Good. And then I was hoping that you could catch us up over dinner?”

Bellamy returned her smile before he said, “I’d love to.” 

Bellamy helped them find their quarters. It turned out they were on the same floor, just a couple of doors down where the rooms got progressively bigger, and much to Bellamy’s chagrin, the beds became big enough to hold two people. 

He gave Octavia a huge hug before he left them to get settled. With an additional bounce in his step, Bellamy returned to his quarters and continued reading his book. 

About another hour later, Bellamy heard another knock on the door. Deciding it was probably best to give up on reading for the day, Bellamy placed the book back on his desk before a second knock had him hustling across the room. When he opened the door, the last person he expected to see was standing before him, and he appeared out of breath. 

Ezra was wearing his full armor, and he wore his angel wing war paint. He was holding an unmarked glass bottle with a stopper in it and a piece of cloth. Ezra put his hands out, thrusting the bottle and cloth into Bellamy’s hands before he said,

“We don’t have much time, Lexa’s been banished from Coalition Lands, and in case things get dangerous outside the Tower, I need someone to get her out of the city safely.”

Bellamy crossed his arms awkwardly with the supplies Ezra had given him still in his hands. 

“Why me? Why not get Clarke to do it?”

Ezra shook his head. In another situation, if he didn’t appear so stressed, Bellamy suspected Ezra likely would have rolled his eyes at him. 

“Clarke has to stay in Polis. If she doesn't, people will assume that she is Lexa’s mate, and the Council could decide to harm _Skaikru_.”

Bellamy was about to say that wouldn’t they make the same assumption about him if he left with Lexa, but Ezra stated,

“People will notice Clarke's absence. You, on the other hand…”

Ezra shrugged his shoulders. Bellamy chose not to take the insult for what it was, knowing that this was for Clarke. He knew what she would want him to do.

“Tell me what I have to do.”

After Ezra left his quarters, Bellamy grabbed his already packed bag and threw the supplies Ezra gave him into the bag before he hurriedly went down the hall. He would help Lexa get out of the city, but he didn’t want to abandon Clarke. Especially after knowing what it was like to be separated from his mate, he knew that Clarke would need all of the support she could get. 

When he briefly summarized what happened over the past few days and what Ezra had just asked him to do, Lincoln was the first to jump up and begin putting his armor back on. Bellamy had to admit, knowing how much the kill order took its toll on Lincoln, he was amazed at how quickly Lincoln stepped up to help Lexa. Octavia, on the other hand, was a little skeptical. 

“So, you are telling me that Clarke killed some important guy in the middle of her rut, and Lexa covered it up, and as a result, Lexa is no longer Commander, and she is about to be publicly shunned as she leaves the city. And in front of all of those people, you are going to somehow get to her, put her to sleep, and then find some way to sneak her out of the city?”

Bellamy smirked, “Pretty much, yeah.”

Octavia crossed her arms, “I don’t know, Bell.”

Feeling every second slip by, Bellamy knew they had to get down there.

“Octavia, Clarke is family. You are blood bound to her for Pete’s sake–”

“Yeah. _To Clarke_. Not Lexa.” 

Bellamy threw up his hands, “We don’t have time for this. I know you just got here, and I’m sorry. But you know this would be important to Clarke, and frankly, it will probably be the difference between saving _Skaikru_ and all of it going up in flames. I know they are more my people than they ever were yours, but I know you care about them too.” 

Lincoln put his hand on Octavia’s shoulder and said something in her ear. Octavia put her own hand on top of Lincoln’s before she said, 

“Yeah, okay. We’ll do it.” 

When the three of them left the Tower, Bellamy was shocked by how many people were already gathered. He was thankful they got out when they did. After some weaving around people, they reached the streets farther away from the main road. When Bellamy made it to the library, he opened the door and immediately scanned the room for Kori. 

Her head popped out of a different aisle from before, with a smirk on her face.

“Back so soon? I thou–”

Kori’s eyes bulged when she saw the grim expression on Bellamy’s face and Lincoln and Octavia standing behind him. 

“Kori, I hate to bring you into this, but I need your help.”

Kori walked closer to the three of them, her expression sober before she said, 

“What do you need?” 

After Bellamy explained the situation as briefly as he could, Kori went upstairs to her living quarters and brought out an oversized cloak,

“You stick out like a sore thumb.”

Bellamy accepted the cloak before he took out the bottle and cloth Ezra had given him. He placed five drops on the cloth as Ezra instructed him to do, careful not to breathe it in. He then looked at Lincoln and Octavia before he said, 

“Stay here. I will be back, hopefully with Lexa.” 

He looked back at Kori and said, “Thank you, really, you didn’t have to do this.” 

Kori put a hand on the side of his face before she said, “Yes, I did.”

When Bellamy left the library and made it closer to the main road, he began to hear the same chant over and over in _Trigedasleng_. He didn’t know what they were saying. Something about _Heda_. When he reached the outer part of the crowd, he couldn’t see what they were all looking at, so he found a storefront with a series of steps, giving him the height to see over the people. 

Bellamy stared as Lexa was making her way down the main road as warriors on either side of the walkway turned their backs to her and said that same chant. When Lexa walked past him, Bellamy got down from the steps and began walking parallel with her. 

He wasn’t sure how he was going to get to her without all of these people seeing him. But when people began shouting and the warriors started to look conflicted, Bellamy took that to mean they might have disagreed with how their former leader was being treated. 

People all around him got on their knees and turned their heads in submission. Their love was admirable, but it wasn’t going to help him get to her. Bellamy needed a better distraction. When he heard a little boy begin to chant,

“ _HEDA! HEDA! HEDA! HEDA!_ ” 

Bellamy joined in, yelling as loud as he could. Before long, others got up from their knees and started to shout too, drowning out the warriors’ chants. People started throwing up their fists and pushing on the human fence formed by the warriors. 

When Bellamy saw people force themselves into the walkway, he did his best to watch Lexa through the crowd. When Lexa slipped into the mass of people, she thankfully chose to come to the same side that Bellamy was on. Bellamy followed her line of sight and realized which side street she was hoping to escape to. As Lexa was traveling East, Bellamy was traveling South, hoping to get to her before somebody else did. 

Just as Lexa went between two buildings, Bellamy saw the warriors take out their swords. He realized they must not have been quite so conflicted after all. His heart was beating out of his chest. The cloth covered in anesthetic was against his shirt underneath the cloak. When he finally got to the two buildings where Lexa had skirted in between only moments before, he heard the screams of people behind him. Part of him wanted to turn around and help these people. He had only been there for a couple of days, but the thought that warriors would train their weapons on their own people, civilians, helped him understand more than ever why they couldn’t just run away. Things were about to get worse in the city. 

Bellamy skulked behind Lexa, trying to be as quiet as possible. He saw that she was trying to get to a road parallel to the main road they had just left. He was just close enough that he could touch her. At the risk of being heard, Bellamy jogged the rest of the way until he could reach his arm around her. Before she had time to respond, he placed the cloth over her face and held it there until she began to slump into his chest. 

Satisfied that she breathed in enough of the anesthetic, Bellamy threw the cloth on the ground. He took the cloak off and put it over Lexa’s head, making sure the hood covered her face. As carefully and as inconspicuously as he could, Bellamy put as much distance between himself and the riot in the main road as he could. With most of the chaos behind him, Bellamy had less trouble making it to the library. 

###

“Wait, I have a question.”

In the middle of his recounting, Bellamy closed his mouth and nodded.

“Why take her to the library?”

Bellamy could not help the gleam that appeared in his eyes.

“I haven’t just been going there for the books, Clarke.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow, “I could have already told you that.”

A blush crept up his cheeks at her insinuation.

“What I was trying to say was that the library used to be a place where political dissenters met and left messages in between the pages of books under tyrannical Commanders of the past. There are even tunnels underneath it that originate in the Tower and go all the way out of the city. People used them when they needed to make a quick escape.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows and flashed him a smile, “You really have been doing your research.”

Bellamy nodded enthusiastically, “When I read about it in a book from the Tower’s library, I asked Meela if the tunnels were still there, figuring that if anyone knew about them, it would be her.”

“And?”

“Officially, they had been blocked off by one of the Commanders fifty years ago under the guise that they were unsafe.”

“Unofficially?”

“She told me that the Commander from fifty years ago decided to keep them open so she could use them herself.”

Clarke nodded, “That makes sense. When Roan brought me to Lexa, we didn’t enter Polis through the city gates. We were underground before he brought me just outside the outside steps of the Tower.”

Bellamy nodded appreciatively, “Hmm, that might have been a different tunnel because these open directly into the basement of the Tower.”

“Anyways, I am sorry for taking you off course. Please continue.”

###

Bellamy adjusted the arm supporting Lexa’s head so that he could turn the knob of the red door. The was a “CLOSED” sign on the door, hopefully, to keep people from entering. Kori explained that anyone who would want to come to a library would likely also be able to read the sign. As soon as Bellamy stepped inside, Lincoln was there to take a sleeping Lexa from Bellamy’s arms. Lincoln already had his pack strapped to his back, and Octavia was talking to Kori, eyeing both of them at the entrance to the library. 

“Where will you go?”

Lincoln opened his mouth to respond when screaming from just outside the door forced both of them to run over to the wall the furthest from the door. Lincoln said something about a bunker, but Bellamy missed the rest of his sentence. Kori pulled out one of the books on the shelf, and the entire bookshelf flew open like a door before she was shooing Octavia and Lincoln down a set of narrow steps. 

A knock on the door of the library meant that any goodbye between Bellamy and Octavia was going to have to be foregone. There was something about the urgency of the knock that said that the person likely wouldn’t knock twice. Kori pushed the book back into the shelf, and the shelf reattached itself to the wall. Before Bellamy could say anything, Kori just said, 

“Go upstairs, whatever you hear, do not come down until you hear them leave.” 

Bellamy took the steps of the spiral staircase two at a time until he opened the door to a modest living area and kitchen. He put his ear up against the door. He thought he heard two separate voices, one male, one female, but unfortunately, they were speaking in _Trig_. He vowed that if everyone made it out of this mess, he would learn _Trigedasleng_. 

He heard Kori say, “ _Beja, der ste no won hir_.”

He didn’t know what that meant, but the distress in her voice made Bellamy scan the room for a weapon in case he needed to go downstairs. Near a small fireplace, he found a fireplace poker. But before he made it back to the door, he heard Kori scream. He threw open the door and ran down the steps, but both of the intruders were gone. 

Kori was on the ground with a large gash in her abdomen that was sluggishly bleeding. After he swept the room with his eyes several times to make sure no one else was there, Bellamy put down the fireplace poker and got on his knees next to Kori. Bellamy ripped off his shirt and did his best to wrap it around Kori’s body. 

“Bell–”

“Shhhh, it’s okay. I got you. I am going to get us out of here. Don’t worry.”

Knowing that he couldn’t just go out the front door, Bellamy gingerly picked Kori up and went to the secret passageway. Once inside, Kori pointed to a button that closed the shelf from the inside. Bellamy had no choice but to start making his way down the stairs in the hope that they would find someone, somewhere who could help them. 

_ I’m sorry, Clarke. You will just have to hang in there until I get back. _

###

“So then what happened?”

Bellamy was staring at his hands before he said, “I followed the tunnel until I was out of the city. Eventually, I walked into a village where a healer was able to treat Kori’s wounds. It was touch and go for a while there. By the time he found us and agreed to help her, her face was so pale, I didn't think she would make it. I would have come back sooner, but I just couldn’t leave her, not when what happened was my fault. Not again. I had to know that she was okay.”

When Bellamy looked up, he saw that Clarke’s expression had softened.

“Is she still there?”

Bellamy nodded, “Yes. When it became clear that she would survive and had begun to improve, I walked back into the city through the gates. I don’t know what I was expecting but coming back to a Conclave was quite a surprise.”

“Yeah, it’s been a little crazy here, but I’ve been okay, Kane has been a big help.”

“I’m glad.”

Clarke looked away for a moment, and Bellamy had the feeling that Clarke wanted to ask him something else, but she was holding back.

“Clarke, I know you have something you want to ask me.”

She turned back to face him, “It’s just,” Clarke hesitated, “You are sure that Lincoln said he was going to a bunker?”

“Yes, I’m sure that’s what he said.”

“Do you know if that’s where they planned on staying?”

“Honestly, I have no idea. It all happened so fast, and I got caught in my own rescue mission.”

Clarke swallowed her bottom lip before she nodded, “You’re right.”

Neither of them said anything for a while. Clarke started picking at her fingernails while Bellamy was pulling at a loose string at the hem of his shirt. Clarke broke first.

“Bell, I want to thank you for everything you did. I don’t–I don’t know how I could ever hope to repay you.”

Bellamy looked up at Clarke and smiled at her, “There’s nothing to repay. I know you would have done the same thing for me if you could have.”

Clarke gave him a small nod.

Not wanting to dwell too much on this topic further, Bellamy placed his hands flat on his thighs.

“So, what have I missed since I was gone?”

Bellamy just watched in amusement as Clarke took in a deep breath, making that face she always made when she was considering what she wanted to say. Unfortunately, his amusement didn't last long. Clarke described Lexa coming back to her quarters, the conditions she sacrificed herself for. Bellamy couldn’t help but feel vindicated in his decision to help Ezra get her out of the city. She might have made mistakes in the past, but he would not forget her sacrifice, even if it was mainly for Clarke.

Clarke moved on to how she woke up alone, discovering that the Order arrested Ezra. Bellamy took that news surprisingly harder than he would have expected. He certainly respected the alpha, but Bellamy would say that they were far from friends.

Ragnar seemed to be someone that deserved a good punch in the face. And after Clarke recounted what happened during several of the meetings between the Council and the Ambassadors, Bellamy decided that he definitely deserved a good punch in the face. All in all, Bellamy honestly expected worse. He was proud of how his friend handled herself, especially in rut. The only questions he had remaining were about what the hell they were going to do about all of it.

“So, what are we going to do about Ontari? There’s no way she’s going to honor the agreement Lexa made with the Council.”

Clarke looked away before she met his gaze, “Kane and I have been discussing the likelihood that she would win, but short of assassinating her, we really haven’t come up with a plan that doesn’t end up with Arkadia being leveled to the ground.”

Bellamy gave her a sideways glance, hoping that he was conveying what he thought was the obvious choice.

“I know what you are thinking, but there is no way that her death doesn’t trace back to us. Even without a Commander, Arkadia will still be wiped out.”

Bellamy crossed his arms and sat back in his chair. Before too long, he turned back to Clarke.

“I think it’s time you pay another visit to the cat tied up downstairs.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have a couple of things to say (as I always do, whether or not you chose to read these notes is totally up to you)
> 
> 1) You guys came up with some awesome theories about who took Lexa, who else was involved. Really, I was impressed. 
> 
> Nobody brought up Octavia and Lincoln. To be fair, I haven't been talking about them very much, but even if they weren't the ones who actually take Lexa out of the city, they were bound to come back to Polis sometime.
> 
> 2) I know you guys really miss Lexa, I promise I do too. I have mentioned this individually in the comments to some people but I am still deciding whether or not to have a chapter from her perspective immediately after Clarke leaves Polis or to wait to hear from her until Clarke finds her. I think I know what people would pick between those two options but I would love to hear what y'all think.
> 
> 3) I also want you guys to know that when I originally had Clarke visit the library, the plan was that the librarian was dead. I promise I wasn't trying to put people off the trail or anything. Kori was fun to write for even if she feels like a troupe. We may or may not see her again, I haven't decided yet. 
> 
> Also, I promise Bellamy will not become part of my regular POVs for this fic, like Dax, this was more of a one time deal. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you guys so much for reading, feel free to hmu in the comments, you guys always have such insightful things to say. 
> 
> -Biphi


	39. Answering the Inevitable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After speaking to Ezra, Clarke makes a plan with Bellamy and Ezra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope everyone is safe and doing well.  
> All of the feedback about when to reintroduce Lexa's POV was really helpful. I think I know what I am going to do. (you guys are just going to have to wait and see what I decided)
> 
> This is a long chapter today. Honestly, I originally had this chapter broken up into two separate chapters, but both chapters felt short as two chapters. But that means more content for you guys today!

**Clarke**

“Walk to the window.”

“Actually, stop.”

“Pick up that chair.”

“Okay, Clarke, I think you’ve proven your point. You can still use coercion outside of your rut,” Bellamy said through gritted teeth.

Clarke couldn’t help the smile that bloomed on her face. When Bellamy suggested she visit Ezra, she knew that she needed to confirm she still had the ability to coerce to talk to him without getting caught. She couldn’t help it if it was fun to watch Bellamy do silly while she watched. Her favorite was getting him to perform this old dance called the Macarena.

“I don’t know, I am not entirely convinced,” Clarke paused, considering what she should ask Bellamy to do next.

“Hop on one foot.”

Bellamy shuddered as he tried to resist the order before he adjusted his grip on the chair and started jumping with one foot. After about a dozen jumps, he shrieked,

“ _Clarke!”_

Clarke let him jump a couple more times before she said, “Okay, you’re right. You can stop.”

Bellamy sighed in relief as he stopped jumping and put the chair back down. Clarke ceased releasing control pheromones when she realized how drained she was. In some ways, it was reassuring that her power had limits, that it wasn’t entirely on her to curb her worst impulses.

Clarke said goodbye before she headed to the lift. She got off a couple of floors above the prison floor and once again went down several flights of stairs. As soon as she opened the door, she was prepared. She flushed the entire floor with control pheromones. When she approached the nearest guard, she said,

“Take me to Ezra’s cell, and assure the other guards that I am here under Ragnar’s orders.”

A gruff nod later, and Clarke was standing in front of Ezra’s cell.

“Unlock the door and make sure we are undisturbed.” 

When Clarke stepped into the cell, she was surprised by what she saw. Sitting down on the ground but still in shackles, Ezra looked like a different person than when she saw him a week ago. Not the man she grew to love like a brother, but not quite the broken alpha. Someone had given him clean shorts and a new, non-ripped shirt. The bruises on his arms and face were yellowed and healing. His knees were still shattered. Clarke didn’t expect time was going to make those better. 

But to someone’s credit, the gouges on either side of his neck and each of the tips of his fingers were bound and wrapped. His broken arm was even in a sling. Even the burns on his feet had bandages on them. His nose remained crooked, and his skin had a sallow appearance like they were still only giving him the bare minimum amount of water. Whether or not he had food was another story. The lack of foul smell in his cell could mean that he wasn’t eating enough food to pass stool at all. 

It was so strange. Someone had gone to all of that trouble to prevent him from dying but didn’t bother to shave his face. Seeing Ezra with a beard was one of the most off-putting parts of this whole encounter. Clarke regretted not bringing him any food or water. She made a mental note to do so the next time she visited him. Provided there would be a next time. _Who the hell knows?_ Ezra brought his head up to look into her eyes, bringing her attention back. She was relieved to see the glassy, vacant expression wasn’t there, even if his intensity hadn’t returned.

“ _Clarke._ It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you again too, Ezra. Although I wish it were under better circumstances.”

Ezra gave her a tight nod. 

“I see someone has cleaned up your wounds.”

Ezra nodded again, “Yes, one of the Order’s _fisas_ bandaged me up. She comes down once a day to change my bandages and to make sure I’m healing appropriately. She always mutters about how I’d be healing faster if they actually allowed me to eat.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows, “What’s the point of healing you if they–”

“–If they are just going to kill me anyway,” Ezra finished for her. 

“That’s a good question. I suspect it has something to do with the way the Council’s actions have been received. You tell me, how did the Ambassadors react to the Council’s seizing power?”

“Poorly. There were many concerns about how the citizens of Polis were treated, but what does this have to do with you?”

“I suspect that with tensions running as high as they are, the Council was worried about how it would look if people knew I was tortured unnecessarily, even if it was before a public execution.”

Clarke nodded, “Well, I just hope you aren’t in as much pain as you were before.”

“Let’s just say I’ve never been so happy to see someone wearing those robes in my life.” 

Clarke was always amazed at how even in the darkest of circumstances, Ezra could find humor.

“Clarke,” Ezra raised an eyebrow, “You’re burying the lead here. Who won the Conclave?”

“Ontari”

Ezra snapped his jaw shut, nodding and looking away for a moment. He blew out a large breath of air before he looked back at Clarke. 

“I figured as much. I really didn’t want to be right about this one.”

Clarke looked at the wall, “Me neither.” 

When Clarke looked back at Ezra, he said, “You need to find a way to kill her.”

Clarke whispered, “I was afraid you’d say that.” 

“And you need to do it soon. You will likely have a couple of days before she does anything drastic, depending on how much time it takes for her brain to adapt to the Flame, but don’t wait for that. And most importantly, you need to find a way to do it that can’t be traced back to _Skaikru_.”

Clarke shook her head. All of what Ezra was telling her were things Clarke knew herself. 

“What will happen after she’s dead?”

Ezra tilted his head ever so slightly. His gaze shifted, so it went beyond Clarke standing in front of him. 

“Honestly, I am not entirely sure. This has never happened before. Ever since the alphas made themselves the only _natblida_ allowed to ascend, there has always been an alpha _natblida_ to ascend to _Heda_.”

Clarke nodded as Ezra brought his eyes back into focus on hers.

“But one thing’s for certain. If you get rid of Ontari, there’s going to be enough chaos around here that you should be able to find Lexa without any interference.” 

Ezra bringing up her mate reminded her of something else she wanted to ask him about. 

“Ezra, why did you choose to ask Bellamy to get Lexa out of the city?”

Ezra furrowed his eyebrows, “How did you figure that out?”

“To be honest, I know Bellamy better than I know almost anyone. He would have done anything to be here for me. The only thing that would have taken him away was if he was protecting something or someone very important. But even if I hadn’t figured that out, he is here now.”

Ezra shook his head in disbelief, “He is here?”

“Suffice it to say, he got in some trouble of his own, but he asked his sister and Lincoln to get her somewhere safe after getting her out of the riot.”

Ezra turned his head away from her before putting his hand not in a sling over his eyes. He blew out a large breath of air before he brought his hand down. He still wasn’t looking at Clarke when he started talking.

“ _Great._ Of all of the people who could be responsible for my sister’s welfare, he chose the girl my sister ordered me to kill, and her mate, the _natrona_ (traitor) that my sister had a kill order out on. I suppose I deserve that for not trying to get her out myself.”

“You told me she was safe.”

Ezra returned his gaze to her eyes, “I thought Bellamy would take her to Arkadia. Not hand her off to people who have legitimate grievances against her at the first sign of trouble.” 

Clarke rested her pointer finger and her thumb on the bridge of her nose, to which Ezra responded, “Look. I picked Bellamy not because I trust him, but because you do. Just as your people trust him. Lexa would have been too proud to actually stay within the Coalition if she went on her own, and there aren’t many places that would be willing to take her in and risk the wrath of the next Commander. If anyone else showed up at those gates with her, I couldn’t guarantee that they would be let in. And I said she was safe because if I didn’t, you never would have stayed this long in the city.” 

Clarke took a moment to process all of this information. She didn’t want to admit it, but Ezra was right. If Clarke had known how little of Lexa’s escape was actually planned out, she likely would have flown out of the city the moment she left Ezra’s cell the last time she was there. But that didn’t make being kept out of the loop feel any better. If there was one thing her dad taught her, it was that hiding information from someone in the name of protecting them rarely yielded one’s intended results. 

“Even if Arkadia would have been Bellamy’s first instinct, I cannot say for certain that’s where Lincoln and Octavia will take her.”

“That’s my point, Clarke. I have no further directions for you.”

Grasping, Clarke said, “Bellamy did mention that Lincoln said something about a bunker before he and Octavia had to flee the city. Do you know if there is a specific one that he might have had in mind?”

Ezra shook his head, “No, there are well over a hundred bunkers within a week’s journey from here.”

Clarke couldn’t help but deflate. 

“So she could be anywhere.”

Ezra softened his expression, “You will find her. I am certain. It might take you a little longer than we expected.” 

Clarke closed her eyes for a moment, willing herself not to tear up. This was all becoming too much. She opened her eyes when she heard Ezra say,

“But there might be something in the Commander’s quarters that could help you. Lexa kept a map of all of the known bunkers in the Coalition. If you could find that, at least you’d have a way of discovering where they might have gone.”

“How am I supposed to do that? It’s not like I can just walk into the Commander’s quarters anymore.”

“You will just have to do it when you go in there to kill her,” he whispered. 

Clarke nodded weakly before he said, “Now, I think it’s time you leave. You might be able to control these oafs, but let’s not push our luck.”

Clarke studied him before she said, “What about you? How long until–”

“–Don’t worry about me, just get this done. And visit me one last time before you leave, okay?”

Clarke was about to protest. The way he always brushed off his own condition unsettled her. But she knew he was right. If someone else were to come to this floor, they’d all be screwed. She said her goodbye before coercing all of the guards never to talk to anyone about what they saw or might have heard. Clarke used her typical method to get back to her quarters of the combination of stairs and the lift from a more inconspicuous floor. 

When Bellamy saw her enter her quarters, he practically jumped out of the chair he was sitting in. As soon as the door shut, he blurted out,

“Well? What did he say?”

Clarke sighed, “He agreed that we have to kill her, and sooner rather than later.”

Bellamy looked disappointed, “I’m glad he and I agree on something, but did he give you any ideas on how to accomplish this?” 

Clarke shook her head, “No, only that we need to find a way to do it so that it doesn’t get blamed on _Skaikru_.” 

“Well, that’s great. How the hell are we going to do that? You and Kane have been working on this for over a week and haven’t gotten anywhere.”

“Actually, your return has given me a couple of ideas. I–”

When there was a knock on the door, both of them immediately slipped into defensive postures. Realizing that whoever was at the door wasn’t planning on barging in, Clarke relaxed enough to head over to the double doors and find out herself. As soon as she did, relief poured out of her body.

“Kane. Your timing is perfect.”

The moment Kane’s eyes saw Bellamy, he broke out into a big smile. 

“I hope I didn’t miss anything too earthshattering,” he teased.

Clarke exchanged a look with Bellamy after she closed the door behind Kane.

“You have no idea.” 

After the three of them settled into her small seating area, Clarke started,

“Now that the three of us are here, we need to catch you up and then figure out a plan.”

“Just so we are clear, what kind of plan are we talking about here?”

Clarke looked at Bellamy before she looked back at Kane, “We are going to kill Ontari, and we need to figure out how to get away with it.”

Kane flashed her a worried expression that bled into grim acceptance. 

“But first, here’s what you missed.”

###

Clarke sat in her Ambassador’s chair the next morning, resisting the urge to sit on her hands. She was trying not to give off nervous energy. Usually, she would feel anxiety the moment until a plan was put into action, but as soon as it started, the worry would fall away. But this time, they were plotting to kill a Commander. And the stakes for her, for everyone she loved, and for her people, couldn’t be higher. Bellamy placed a hand on her shoulder, releasing calming pheromones at the same time. 

Clarke closed her eyes briefly and inhaled as much of it as she could. It would never be as effective at soothing her troubled mind as Lexa’s scent, but it helped enough that Clarke could at least hide her anxieties from the people around them. Bellamy was standing beside her, posing as a member of her staff. In some ways, it was amazing how Lexa was protecting her even when she was gone. There was no way Clarke would have been to pull this plan off without Bellamy’s help. Clarke made a mental note to thank her for suggesting that Bellamy should return to Polis with them. 

The Ascension Council was still present. All of the Clan leaders were also in the throne room, making the large room impressively feel cramped. They would stick around until Ontari had woken up and recited the lineage to pledge their fealty. It was strange knowing that Ontari was somewhere in the bowels of the Tower, receiving the Flame. But she couldn’t complain about that at least. It gave her the necessary time to set her plan into motion. 

When the meeting began, Ragnar informed them that Gaia, the new _Fleimkeppa_ , had initiated the Ascension Process. The hope was that Ontari would wake up by the afternoon and recite the lineage today. Apparently, every Commander was different. Some woke up right away. Others took a little longer for their minds to accept the Flame. Before the meeting was over, Ragnar asked the Ambassadors if they had anything they’d like to discuss. Clarke took that as her window.

“Ragnar, I have received word that my mother has fallen ill and does not have long to live. With Kane’s permission,” Clarke motioned to Kane, thankful that Clan leaders appointed their Ambassadors to Polis. Clarke continued after Kane gave her and Ragnar both tight nods, “I will be traveling back to Arkadia after this meeting comes to an end.”

Ragnar narrowed his eyes, “The timing of this departure is…irregular. If _Skaikru_ wishes to be seen as a legitimate Clan, they must have an Ambassador to uphold our traditions.”

Clarke resisted the urge to make a face, “I understand, which is why my advisor, Bellamy,” the alpha next to her stepped forward and gave a small nod of deference to Ragnar and the rest of the Council, “will be taking my place as I take care of my mother.” 

By the look Ragnar gave to Bellamy, it became clear that Ragnar’s disdain for the people of _Skaikru_ wasn’t monolithic. He liked Bellamy a whole lot less than he liked Clarke, and that was saying something. Clarke wasn’t sure if she should be flattered. Thankfully, he brought his attention back to Kane, who was still sitting in his Council chair. The choice to have him take on more than one role was proving to be convenient. Ragnar almost looked like he granted him a modicum of respect. 

“Marcus Kane, Council member and Clan leader of _Skaikru_ , do you recall Clarke as your Ambassador, and in her place, appoint Bellamy?”

“I do.” 

“Then, it is settled. While I wish the timing were better, I wish you, Clarke _kom Skaikru_ , a safe journey.” 

Bellamy took a step back, standing once again beside Clarke’s chair. 

“ _Mochof_ , Ragnar.”

Ragnar gave her a stiff nod before he turned his attention to the rest of the room.

“If there is nothing else, this meeting is over. Stay close to the Tower so that a member of the Order can find you once Ontari wakes up.” 

As soon as Clarke could leave, she hustled back to her quarters to get all of her things. She was thankful that she packed the night before after finally hammering out all of the details with Kane and Bellamy. It was strange seeing what amounted to almost her entire life thrown into a duffle bag. She had to be judicious, though. As much as she would have liked to bring every nightgown Lexa had made for her, she knew she would likely have to carry everything she brought with her herself. 

Once Clarke changed out of her Ambassador’s robes, she put on her armor and, on top of that, her leather jacket. The combination was a little stiff, and four to five months ago, they likely wouldn’t have fit. But with all of the training she had done and the lack of eating since Lexa left, Clarke had become nothing but tight, sinewy muscle, her chest aside. The person who looked back at her in the mirror was someone entirely different than the person who touched the ground for the first time all of those months ago. 

When Clarke went down to the Tower stables, she discovered that Meela had already packed food for her journey and had one of the stable boys prepare the fastest horse for her. Because, of course, she did. The stable boy offered to attach her duffle for her, and she looked up at the clouds while she waited. 

When the horse was ready, Clarke walked him over to the front of the Tower, where Bellamy and Kane were standing. The goal was to have a very public goodbye. The more witnesses that saw her leave Polis, the better. But the fact was, she wasn’t sure when she would see them again, making it feel all too real when she got close enough to say goodbye to them both. Of the two of them, Kane was an easier farewell. She gripped his forearm, and he squeezed her shoulder with his other hand.

“Say hello to Abby for me,” there was a sparkle of mischief in his eyes.

“And good luck with everything.”

Clarke nodded, knowing what Kane truly meant. When he released her forearm, Clarke turned to Bellamy. He had this almost unreadable expression. Like there was too much going through his head for just one emotion to take precedence on his face. Eventually, he flashed her a small smile and opened up his arms,

“Come here.”

Once in his arms, Clarke whispered, “Are you sure you want to stay here?”

Before he released her, he whispered back, “I will be fine, Princess, we both will.”

Clarke resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Clarke might have the more dangerous job in the short term, but it was Bellamy and Kane who would have to stick out the long-term consequences of her actions. Bellamy loosened his grip on her shoulders as he said,

“You forget, Kane and I spent three months together in Arkadia.”

Clarke shifted her gaze down to the ground, but Bellamy put a hand lightly under her chin to draw her attention back upward.

“Hey, I didn’t mention that to punish you, just to reassure you that we will be okay here. I’m sure problems will come up, but we will figure them out together.”

Clarke gave him a small nod before putting more space in between their bodies.

At normal volume, Clarke said,

“As the new Ambassador, you should attend the weekly card game tonight to get to know your fellow Ambassadors.”

Clarke shifted her gaze over to Kane, “Clan leaders are always welcome, of course.” 

He responded first, “I will make sure to be there. I am sure Bellamy will, too. As soon as he moves all of his stuff from his small dorm into proper Ambassador chambers.”

Bellamy replied, “You don’t need to worry about that. I already moved all of my stuff twenty floors up. I might not be in the quarters directly underneath the Commander's, but so long as I have my own bathroom, I have no complaints.”

Clarke couldn’t help but flare her nostrils. Of course, he couldn’t resist the urge to get one more dig in. He expression went from wistful to serious before he said,

“I will be there.”

“Good.”

Knowing that their alibies would be solid, there was nothing else for Clarke to do but leave.

“May we meet again.”

“May we meet again,” they replied.

Clarke got on her horse. Thankfully, she didn’t struggle quite so obviously in front of so many people, before she rode out of the city of Polis on the main road.

###

By the time Clarke left the city, the sun was high in the sky. She had about five hours of sunlight to kill. She rode towards Arkadia at a gallop, hoping that if she put enough distance between herself and the city, she would convey her urgency to get back to her mother. 

Abby was fine, of course. Yesterday, the three of them had the good sense to radio Raven to touch base with her. Raven made her annoyance clear that it was the first time she had heard from them. But she sobered up when Clarke told her all of the things that had happened over the past week and a half. Grateful for the time to prepare, Clarke knew that even if she failed, her people would not be taken off guard by an attack. Bellamy took custody of the long-range radio before Clarke left. 

After three hours of hard riding, Clarke took a sharp arc, going away from Arkadia, but not quite directly back to Polis. About an hour after the sun had set, Clarke reached a village that matched Bellamy’s description. A typical _Trikru_ village, the houses were built out of a combination of old-world structures, recycled metal, and wood from the surrounding forest. Curious stares greeted her, if not altogether unsurprised. Clarke knew her jacket and her posture on the horse likely gave her away. 

When a large alpha stepped into her path, with a full beard and an impressive musk, Clarke brought her horse to a stop before dismounting. She could feel the man sizing her up, and she knew there were bound to others she couldn’t see all around them. She really needed this to work, or the plan fell apart. Clarke kept her own scent as neutral as possible as she stuck out her forearm, 

“ _Ai tagon ste Klark kom Skaikru. Ai laik a lukot kom Belomi._ ” (My name is Clarke _kom Skaikru_. I am a friend of Bellamy.)

In English, the large man said, “Welcome, Clarke _kom Skaikru_. My name is Naro. I am the leader of this village. Bellamy saved my son from drowning. A friend of his is a friend of mine.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows. It turned out Bellamy went on a couple of rescue missions while he was gone. It made her wonder what else he had chosen to omit from when he was away. Unwilling to dwell on that further, Clarke brought her attention back to Naro. 

“Thank you. I appreciate that. I do not plan to stay here long. I was hoping that I could have my horse stabled here. I should be back by the morning.” 

“Of course.”

If Naro had any questions about where she would be going without her horse, he didn’t ask. He also didn’t ask if she was _Wanheda_ , either. Whether that was because he didn’t recognize her name or if he figured it was better not have everything explicitly out in the open, she wasn’t sure. He put two fingers to his mouth and whistled before a teenage boy came out of the largest house and walked over to them. 

“Bowa, tend to this horse, have him stabled beside our own.”

Clarke untied her duffle bag and put the strap across her chest. She handed the young alpha her reins, and she turned to Naro,

“Thank you. I really appreciate this.”

Naro broke into a large smile, “At first, seeing a strange alpha carrying this injured omega in his arms concerned me. But Bellamy earned the trust of the people here, and he set a good example for my son.”

Clarke smiled back at him, “I’m sure he will be glad to hear that when I tell him.”

Not wanting to waste too much time, Clarke thanked the village chief one more time before she bid him goodbye.

“Good luck, _Wanheda_.”

Clarke turned back, a little shaken, but when Naro gave her a serious nod of encouragement, Clarke nodded back before she got on her way. 

Less than fifteen minutes from the village, Clarke found what looked like a large rock that had a heavy door covered in moss and overgrowth. After some encouragement, Clarke was able to pry the door open and went down a series of steps until it got progressively darker and colder. 

Eventually, Clarke was standing in a tunnel that was a little over six feet high and about as wide. She took her duffle bag off and felt around in the dark until she found a flashlight from the Ark inside of it. Grateful to be able to see where she was going. Clarke zipped up the bag and returned it to her shoulder. With nothing left to do, she put one foot in front of the other. 

After about two hours of walking, Clarke saw a set of steps. Realizing that she must have reached the library, Clarke wanted more than anything to climb the steps here. The longer she was down in the tunnels, the more her skin crawled. She was thankful that she was short enough that she didn’t have to duck the entire way, but when she thought about it too hard, the walls started to close in on her. 

But she needed to keep walking in the tunnel. There was no point in risking exposing herself in the city when she could keep walking to the Tower where no one could see her. Clarke turned away from the temping staircase and continued walking towards the Tower. 

Another fifteen minutes of walking, and Clarke knew she made it to the Tower, but not because she found another set of steps, but because of the person standing there with a lit torch waiting for her. Man, she was happy to see her. 

“I saw the amount of food you had packed for me. Did you plan for me to be on the road for two weeks?”

Meela raised an eyebrow, “You don’t know how long your journey will be.”

Clarke smirked, “Yes, but as far as everyone else was concerned, I was only supposed to be riding overnight.”

Meela shook her head, “Just how good of a hunter are you? You won’t be able to find your mate if you starve.”

Clarke flared her nostrils and looked away, annoyed that Meela had so little faith and still embarrassed by the truth. Unwilling to linger, Meela handed her a cloak with a hood before she said,

“Come on. My staff reported back to me that Ontari went to bed early. She’s still a little disoriented from the effects of the Flame.” 

_ That could be good news for me. _ Clarke nodded before she put the cloak on and followed Meela. The tunnel expanded until they were in a much larger space. Several other tunnels fed into the room. She was thankful Meela was there, or she wouldn’t have been able to figure out which way to go. She did her best to orient herself so that she could remember which tunnel they just came from on the way back before following Meela down another one. Eventually, they encountered another set of steps. Before Meela climbed them, she said,

“Take what you need from your bag but leave it here.” 

On top of the weapons she was already carrying, Clarke added a knife to each hip. She attached the flashlight to a belt loop on her pants. Satisfied that she had everything she needed, she zipped up the bag and followed Meela up the stairs. 

With every step, Clarke did her best to focus on her breathing. When that didn’t work, she focused on the perfectly straight line of Meela’s raven-colored hair grazing her back. Meela’s hair was almost always in a bun. Seeing it down reminded her that despite how Meela made it seem, she had a life outside of her job. When she went back to her own quarters, she had her own needs. It sounded silly now because, of course, she did. 

When Meela opened the door, Clarke was confused. They weren’t on the ground floor. Meela saw her face and said, 

“We are on the floor above the lobby. In a moment, you’ll see why.”

Meela took her down a hallway until they were standing in front of a lift. Except this one was much larger than the lift she usually used as if designed to take huge furniture up and down in the Tower. Clarke wondered why she had never seen this lift before. Then she remembered that throughout her time living in the Tower, she rarely ever saw a member of the staff use the regular lift. Meela must have seen the realization on her face because the satisfied smile she gave Clarke was a sight to behold. 

“So, this is how you get around.” 

“The shaft underneath this floor is collapsed, making it impossible to enter the staff lift on the ground floor.”

Clarke nodded.

“Put your hood up, I don’t anticipate anyone joining us on the ride up, but I don’t want to take any chances.”

When they stepped into the lift, Clarke sucked in a sharp breath of air. What she was about to do was feeling more real with every floor they passed. She didn’t realize how nervous she was until she felt Meela take her hand and squeeze it. The calming beta scent filling her nostrils centered her focus. She closed her eyes, allowing her body to be carried up the Tower. 

They came to a stop, and Meela opened the gates of the lift. When they stepped off, and Meela brought her around a narrow hallway, Clarke saw the main lift before realizing which floor Meela had them get off on. The familiar scents and sights of the Commander’s gym came into focus. Clarke was about to ask why Meela chose this floor before she realized no one else would be here. It would make her job easier to slip upstairs without anyone noticing. 

Meela gave her a small smile before Clarke said, 

“Thank you, Meela, for everything.” 

Meela brought her into her arms, and she whispered, “Go get our girl.” 

Clarke released a shuddering breath before she nodded. The stress of the past few days seemed to melt away, at least for a couple of minutes, as she collapsed into Meela’s arms. When they broke apart, Clarke wiped hot, sticky tears off of her cheeks. 

Meela squeezed her shoulder before she stepped aside and left the gym, leaving Clarke alone. With nothing left to do, Clarke found the hidden door in the wall. Quietly, Clarke climbed several flights of stairs until she made it to the landing of the Commander’s quarters. She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead on the door. _I can do this._

Clarke flared her nostrils as she scented the pheromones from under the door. Her alpha growled, egging her on. She was supposed to be the only alpha marking this room. The room didn’t smell like pine, earth, and fresh rain anymore. In just a day, it already smelled like permafrost, bearberries, and leather. All coated in alpha musk that made Clarke’s chest vibrate in a silent growl. Clarke had her fingertips on the door. 

She had to put a stop to this. If she was lucky, Ontari would be asleep, and Clarke could put a pillow over her face and be done with it. People might assume that it was a bad reaction to the Flame. But Clarke knew she had to be prepared for a struggle. She closed her eyes, allowing the image of Lexa, tending to the rabbits she caught the first day of her heat, to rise to the surface. Of the rare moments, she laughed. Of Lexa’s wonder and awe at the sight of the image of their son on the screen of the ultrasound machine. Clarke just had one more unforgivable sin, and then she would find her. Whatever happened after that, wherever they went, it wouldn’t matter because they would be together, and _Skaikru_ would be safe. 

Clarke took in a deep breath. She slowly put her hand on the doorknob, twisting it to the left and pulling the door towards her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to end on a cliff hanger, but I just had to keep that face off for next time. I promise it will satisfactorily cookoo bananas. 
> 
> You know you've made it as a fanfic writer when you have to look up the definition of permafrost.
> 
> As always guys, thank you so much for reading, I know this chapter was packed with stuff but I always love to hear what you guys think!
> 
> -Biphi


	40. The Commander

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke confronts Ontari 
> 
> *****TW: There is an implied history of rape in this chapter. It's not explicitly stated and there isn't any in the chapter, but I wanted to let you guys know ahead of time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Saturday everyone!
> 
> I am publishing this one earlier than I expected to but you guys have been so patient with story and I am super excited to hear what you guys think of this one! 
> 
> It is a little shorter than my typical chapter but I really wanted to keep this one and the next one as separate entities. This will make more sense when I publish chapter 41.
> 
> Enjoy guys!

**Clarke**

Clarke held her breath as she walked through the hidden doorway. Meela’s staff might have reported that Ontari went to bed, but there were candles lit all around the room. Lexa’s love of candles might not have been entirely hers alone. Clarke couldn’t help but imagine a Commander from centuries ago who loved candles so much that every Commander afterward could not have enough of them. But that line of thinking could wait for another time. 

Clarke did her best to close the door without making any noise before she surveyed the large room. Much of Lexa’s things remained. Clarke wasn’t sure if that was typical; she had a feeling that when a new Commander ascended, their quarters were quickly turned over. She had a feeling Meela had something to do with that. 

Clarke was reservedly optimistic that Ontari was actually asleep. But from her position along the wall, it was hard to tell. Instead of walking directly towards the bed in the center of the room, Clarke stayed to the periphery, walking along the wall. As soon as she got a better view of the bed, she felt confident enough that Ontari was, in fact, passed out. She was about to take a step closer to the bed when something made her stop. 

Chained to one of the bedposts at the foot of the bed by a collar around his neck, John Murphy was laying on his side with his legs against his chest. When he looked up, he stared at her wide-eyed. His arms were tied behind his back, and there was a gag in his mouth. The omega male was naked, and he had mouth shaped bruises along his neck, abdomen, and thighs. His hair was matted and unkempt, and there was dried blood coming out of both nostrils. 

Clarke had no idea how Murphy could have ended up here. She knew that he left with Jaha and his loyalists, who left to find the City of Light. She doubted Murphy would ever let his guard down enough to blindly follow anyone, but maybe he had nothing better to do than to go on a wild goose chase. But that was across the dead zone and nowhere near _Azegeda. What happened to you, Murphy?_

After Clarke’s shock at seeing him wore off, she felt rage coil deep in her belly. She knew some omegas like to feel possessed by their alphas. But this went well beyond that. She preferred not to make assumptions, but something about this scenario screamed that it was nonconsensual. Clarke did everything in her power to will herself not to release anger pheromones. She didn’t know how _Azegeda_ treated their omegas, but this was unacceptable. Murphy might not have been her favorite person, but he didn’t deserve this. No one did. It gave her one more reason to do what she was about to do. 

But unfortunately for both of them, this complicated everything. Clarke had no way of knowing who was aware that Murphy was in here with Ontari. Or if they knew he was from _Skaikru_. She doubted they didn’t; her people tended to stick out. There was no way he avoided the blame for Ontari's death. Even if they found him still bound and gagged, he had too much of a motive not for them to assume it was him. Or they would punish him for not trying to alert the sentries on duty outside the doors. Best case scenario, they accept that he didn’t do it, but they torture him to find out who did, and if she learned anything the last time grounders tortured Murphy, it was that he would say anything to save his own skin. 

All of that time spent trying to prevent a backlash against _Skaikru_ , and there was a good chance they would get blamed for Ontari’s death anyway. As frustrating as the situation now was, Clarke still had to kill her. She knew what would happen if Ontari was allowed to live. If she was gone, there was still a chance that her people would be safe. She just prayed that Bellamy and Kane could convince the Council that the actions of a lone omega did not reflect on the entire clan. But she couldn’t dwell on this any longer. She actually had to get on with killing her first. 

When Clarke took a step forward, Murphy started shaking his head. With a gag in his mouth, there was no way to tell what he was warning her against. To his credit, he looked like he was worried about her safety. She pulled out one of the daggers on her hip. She hoped Ontari remained asleep by the time she reached the bed, but just in case, she didn’t want to be caught empty handed against her. 

Clarke gave him one last look, hoping that she conveyed her resolve to John. She refocused her attention on the woman sleeping supine on the bed. It was odd. Ontari looked so peaceful in her sleep. It was almost hard to believe that she was capable of such horrific acts. A candle near her bedside flickered, the light casting strange shadows on the scars intentionally carved in the Ice alpha’s face. 

After taking a couple of steps closer, Clarke saw she was wearing a woolen nightshirt. It looked impressively comfortable. A cynical part of Clarke was surprised someone from _Azegeda_ even indulged in such things. But all thoughts went out the window when she took her next step, and a wooden floorboard creaked loud enough to be heard throughout the room. 

_Fuck._

Every muscle fiber in Clarke’s body locked. Her heart was already beating out of her chest. Now, she thought it was going to explode, it was beating so fast. The Commander’s chambers were the only living quarters in the Tower she had seen with hardwood floors. Clarke wondered if this was the reason why. Ontari whipped her eyes open and immediately pulled a knife from under her pillow.

Clarke didn’t have time to think before she jumped out of the way of the knife coming towards her head. It made a satisfying thud when it hit the wall. Ontari was on her feet. Her upper lip pulled back in a snarl. She growled,

“I should have known you would try to kill me. Under the guise of night, like the weak alpha that you are. Just like when you tried to kill Nia.”

Clarke summoned all of the control pheromones she could muster. If she couldn’t kill Ontari in her sleep, the next best thing was to coerce her not to resist. Ontari was reaching for another weapon on her nightstand when Clarke calmly said,

“Stop moving.”

Even with her efforts focused solely on Ontari, the only person who seemed affected by her coercion was Murphy, who had been shaking since the second Ontari opened her eyes. He was now stock still.

Ontari’s face broke out in confusion as if she didn’t understand what Clarke was trying to do. Clarke did her best not to panic. Despite all of her plans, she overlooked one key possibility. Lexa explained to her once that with the Flame, alpha dominance pheromones didn’t work on her. It was part of what gave her legitimacy as an alpha. For some reason, Clarke was the notable exception to that rule, but at the time, Lexa theorized that it had more to do with her attraction to Clarke than the strength of Clarke’s pheromones.

Dominance pheromones were not the same as those she used for coercion. She figured out a way to release one but not the other while controlling Bellamy. She hoped that would mean she could use them on Ontari. But based on how Ontari was now approaching her, she was wrong. And if Clarke was honest with herself, she wasn’t just wrong. She was royally screwed.

When Ontari was halfway between her and the bed, she stopped. It wasn’t due to coercion. Clarke cut off her pheromones as soon as she realized they weren’t working. It took too much of her energy for her to keep it up for it not to work. Ontari even relaxed her stance before she broke out into a satisfied smirk.

“You know, this could all be over in a matter of seconds. And I would not even have to lift a finger. I could call out to the sentries guarding my doors, and they’d kill you faster than the time it would take you to turn around.”

Hoping to keep Ontari’s guard down, Clarke stalled, “If you wanted to do that, you would have already called out to them. Besides, what would Nia think of you letting your dogs do the dirty work for you?”

Ontari growled, “How dare you speak her name? I will cut out your tongue for that.”

Clarke hadn’t realized that they had begun circling each other until she felt the silky texture of the furs hanging off the bed.

Ontari schooled her features, “And if you must know, Nia was many things, but she was not one to get her hands dirty. She had others for that.”

Ontari flared her nostrils.

“She had me.”

Clarke tilted her head to the side, “You seem rather protective of someone who just used you for your sword.”

“Even in death, Nia has a way of inspiring loyalty.”

Seeing how Ontari treated Murphy, Clarke hated to imagine where Ontari drew inspiration from.

“I do not doubt it.”

Ontari opened her mouth to respond, but she closed it and furrowed her eyebrows.

“Don’t even think about trying to lull me into a false sense of security with your fake words of understanding. You have no idea what it took to make me this way, what I have seen.”

“Then why try to avenge her? If she did so many bad things to you, made you do bad things to others, why remain loyal to her?”

“Why am I not surprised by your arrogance,” Ontari shook her head.

“Nia might have taken me away from my family to raise me as her own, but that’s exactly what the Order would have done had they gotten there first.”

Less than a moment passed before Ontari said, “Enough of this.”

Clarke could feel the dominance pheromones Ontari was releasing all around her. She couldn’t help but wrinkle her nose as the acidic scent penetrated her nostrils and skin. Ontari was trying to get her to submit. Clarke had to admit the pull was strong. Almost anybody would fall to their knees after experiencing Ontari’s exertion for even a brief moment. Poor Murphy crumpled into a ball next to the bed. But Clarke could resist.

Clarke still hadn’t released her own in response. Whether or not they would work on Ontari, she wasn’t sure. But Clarke hoped that if she gave the impression that she wasn’t as strong of an alpha as she actually was, maybe she could use that to her advantage. 

Clarke did her best to look like she was overcome by Ontari’s dominance. She pretended to shift uncomfortably before she furrowed her eyebrows in resolve like she was trying to resist. After another minute, she fell to her knees. 

Ontari crossed her arms, a dagger still in one of her hands as she strode closer to Clarke.

“That’s right, _Wanheda_. Bow before me.”

Clarke bit the inside of her cheek to keep her alpha from growling in response. Instead, she mock-whimpered before she said, 

“Are you going to kill me?”

Ontari was walking in a tight circle around her, and Clarke could feel her eyes boring into her when she walked past her peripheral vision. 

“Of course, I will. But not now, not yet. First, I am going to murder every member of _Skaikru_. And I am going to make you watch.”

Clarke couldn’t help but let her eyes fall on Murphy, still in a ball on the floor. Ontari followed her gaze, 

“Well, everyone except him. He is probably carrying my pup by now.”

Murphy looked terrified, and it took all of Clarke’s control not to strike Ontari down. But she knew she had to be patient. Ontari was too fast, and Clarke only had one shot at this. 

“And then I am going to make you suffer, until one day, you beg me to kill you. And then I will let you die.” 

Clarke thought Ontari finished, but after she took another lap around her, she said, 

“Actually, I have a better idea.” 

Ontari stopped right in front of her before she crouched down and lightly dragged the tip of her dagger along Clarke’s cheek. Clarke let out a hiss at the sting. 

“After I lay waste to Arkadia, I am going to order every warrior in the Coalition to look for Lexa.”

Clarke took in a sharp breath. The fake panic from a moment before became very real. 

“And when they find her, I am going to skin her while she breathes, and you are going to watch.” 

Clarke pulled back her upper lip in a snarl.

“That’s right. I know who she is to you. I figured it out the day you tried to poison Nia. The only reason you would risk the safety of your people was if there was something or someone you cared about even more.”

Clarke blasted out her scent as she knocked Ontari’s blade away from her face. With her body crouched, Ontari fell back. She was able to collect herself before she completely fell on the ground. But it gave Clarke enough time to stand back up on her feet. Ontari was trying to stand up, but the power Clarke was exerting on her was too much. She looked like she wanted to scream as she fell to her knees and turned her head to the side in complete submission. 

At a different point in her life, Clarke might have puffed out her chest. Her alpha certainly wanted her to. But Clarke didn’t want Ontari to catch her off guard. Instead, she focused on her rage. It felt white-hot and burned along the roots of her hair to the nail beds of her toes. She wasn’t just mad about the threats against her mate or her people. As mad as she was at Ontari, this really wasn’t about her. 

She was mad that her father died. Mad that it was basically her mother who killed him. Angry that Abby then fell in love with the man who actually killed him. She was mad that Wells died before he ever really lived. That over fifty of the original hundred died way too young, too. Clarke was mad that Lexa made her commit genocide, that the people of Mount Weather forced Lexa’s hand in the first place. She was mad that her mate was taken away from her. Outraged that even if Bellamy eventually finds someone else, a part of him died when he lost Gina. The list went on and on. Clarke was so beside herself with fury that hearing Ontari brag about how she was going to make Clarke’s life a living hell almost made her laugh. 

So instead of throwing her power in Ontari’s face, she simply lifted her chin and slashed her throat. 

After Clarke convinced herself that Ontari was dead, she found a set of keys on Ontari’s nightstand and unlocked the collar around Murphy’s throat. She got on her knees before cutting the rope tying his hands behind his back, and he pulled the gag out of his mouth. Clarke tried to assess his injuries, but when he shrunk away at her hands, she brought them back down to her sides. Not that she ever planned to, but she definitely wasn’t leaving him here. She just hoped he was strong enough to make it to the village. Whether he wanted to come with her after that, she would leave up to him. She got back up on her feet as she said, 

“Murphy, I’m not going to hurt you, and I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to. How did you end up with Ontari?”

Murphy just averted his gaze, and when she held out a hand to help him up, he refused it before scrambling up on his own. 

“It’s a long story.” 

Clarke got the impression that it was a story he didn’t want to tell.

“I’m really sorry that this happened to you.”

He shrugged, shifting his gaze from the ground back to her eyes before he said, “It wasn’t anything that someone hasn’t done to me before.” 

Clarke didn’t know what to say to that. All of a sudden, the rage she felt about what had happened to her before seemed so irrelevant and far away. 

“That doesn’t change the fact that no one deserves to be treated this way.” 

Murphy had a faraway look in his eyes before he shuddered. He shook his head before he said,

“Look, I don’t want to talk about this. Are we busting out of here, or what?”

“We are, but first I have to grab a few things from this room,” Clarke quickly glanced beyond Murphy’s face, “including some clothes for you.”

As if Murphy noticed that he was naked for the first time, he covered himself with his hands and turned away. Not wanting to embarrass him, Clarke turned around, careful to avoid stepping in the inky black puddle Ontari’s body was in, and walked over to the closets along the wall, hoping to find him some clothes that would fit. 

They got lucky on two fronts. First, Lexa’s clothes were still in there when Clarke opened one of the closet doors. And second, Murphy had surprisingly similar measurements to her mate. Before long, Clarke found an empty pack in one of the closets and began stuffing clothes in it that she hoped he would wear. She wasn’t sure how long he would be coming with her, but even if he decided to duck out as soon as she got him out of the city, she wanted him to have at least a couple of sets of small clothes. She might not have liked him or the things he had done in the past, but he deserved that much, at least. 

As for what he would wear that night, he opted for leather pants lined with plush fir, a woolen shirt, and a sturdy pair of boots. The boots were admittedly tight on him, but he didn’t complain. It was another cold November night, and having tight boots was better than going barefoot. She also found thick, heavy coats inside. Those might actually have been Ontari’s, not Lexa’s, but either way, neither of them were using the coats now, so she tossed Murphy the warmer one and wrapped the other one around her waist. Hoping that they would be warm enough, Clarke moved on to looking for the map of the bunkers. 

It took combing through a couple of places, to the point where Clarke was worried that she wouldn’t find it, but eventually, she found the map and delicately folded it up and tucked it into the pocket of her leather jacket with the ultrasound photos. Murphy was sitting at the dining table, watching Clarke fuss about the room. He didn’t say much, not even a snarky comment. But Clarke could tell that he was relieved to be out of those bindings, even if he didn’t say so. 

Satisfied that she got everything she needed, she turned back to look at Murphy when she saw what was hanging over the chair that he was sitting in. Lexa’s ceremonial robes. Lexa was wearing them the last time they spoke. Clarke wasn’t sure when Lexa had relinquished them, but the idea of anyone else wearing them made Clarke angry. Without saying anything, Clarke walked over to the chair and gently lifted them off the back of it. She immediately brought them to her nose and inhaled. As soon as she felt the pine, earth, fresh rain, and hints of lily of the valley hit her nose, she felt the tears well up behind her eyes. She didn’t know how much she missed her mate’s scent until she smelled it again. 

After taking a few shuddering breaths, Clarke resisted the urge to collapse on the floor and forget all about her mission. If the goal wasn’t to go and find Lexa, she just might have quit then and there. She did her best to remind herself of that before she put the ceremonial robes in the pack with Murphy’s stuff. The very last thing she took from the room was a water skein that was on the dining table. But she wasn’t planning on bringing it with them. It was for the last stop she had to make before they left. Clarke hoped the sentries didn’t smell blood from outside the doors. At least not until they left the city, it would only make their travels that much more difficult. 

Not wanting to waste any more time, she brought her gaze back to Murphy, who had been studying her closely ever since she picked up the robes. If he had a snarky comment, once again, he kept it to himself. 

“Hey, I’m just about ready to get the hell out of here. Are you up for coming with me?”

Murphy raised an eyebrow before he said, “Do you really have to ask?”

_ There he is. _

“Come on, I have one last place in the Tower I need to go, and then we are out of here.” 

“And then where are we going?”

Clarke appreciated that Murphy said ‘we,’ before she responded, “to find my mate.”

“Because that’s not going to get us killed,” Murphy snarked before he got up from his chair and motioned for her to lead the way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well? What do you guys think? Did anyone expect Murphy to be there? Honestly, we will be getting more of Murphy's story at some point, such as how he left Jaha. (PS the actual ALIE stuff is not coming your way don't worry guys)  
> But I won't ever be going into the graphic details of what happened. I know this fic is pretty explicit in other ways, but I am not interested in writing that stuff. 
> 
> Clarke is one step closer to finding her mate! 
> 
> Thank you for reading, hmu in the comments
> 
> -Biphi


	41. One for the Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke visits Ezra like she promised

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Once again, this chapter is out a little early and it's shorter than my usual chapters. This chapter is a closed event with a beginning, middle, and end. To keep adding to the chapter just because it's short would probably diminish its impact. 
> 
> Also, random thoughts: you guys, I fell down the Supercorp well and I don't think I will be able to recover. I used to watch Supergirl up until the end of season 3 but never picked it back up. Yes I saw all the GIFs on tumblr and the thirst. But I really didn't want to be queerbaited so I figured I would wait until the end just to see if Kara and Lena actually got together. Ha. I even got into Supercorp fic which admittedly, I have only ever felt at home reading Clexa fanfic, but here we are. 
> 
> Before anybody asks, this doesn't mean that you can expect Supercorp fic from me, at least any time soon. But am I rooting for the human golden retriever and the sex goddess to get together in season 6? You can bet your ass I am. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you guys like this one.

**Clarke**

When Clarke and Murphy made it to the prison floor, she couldn’t help but sigh in relief. A part of her was convinced the entire way there that someone would catch them. With light convincing, Murphy stayed on the landing of the stairwell. She left both the pack and the coats with him to watch while she kept up her promise to visit Ezra one last time before she left Polis. 

Clarke coerced one of the guards to give her his keys before she walked down the hallway to his cell. She couldn’t help but notice that the two sentries that allowed Titus in her room and the _Azegeda_ spy, Echo, were not in their cells anymore. Ezra was the only prisoner on the floor remaining. She wasn’t entirely surprised. Ontari likely released Echo, and the Order of the Flame likely released the sentries. The fact that Echo was on the loose could only spell trouble. But that would have to be a problem for another time, and hopefully, for someone else. 

Ezra looked about the same as the last time she visited him, bandaged and dehydrated. He was even sitting in the same position on the ground as before. But he looked genuinely happy to see her, at least. She passed him the water skein she took from the Commander’s quarters, and he gratefully gulped down half of its contents. He let out a satisfied groan before he put the cork back in the mouth of the skein and handed it back.

“Thanks, I needed that.” 

“Don’t mention it, I should have brought you some food.” 

Ezra shook his head, “No, this was more than I could’ve hoped for.” 

Ezra cleared his throat. His gaze followed her movements as she crouched down to his eye level. 

“So, did you do it?”

Clarke nodded, “Yeah, it’s done.”

Ezra leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes, “That’s good. You did good, Clarke.” 

Clarke watched as Ezra remained with his eyes closed. It was the most peaceful she had ever seen him. She regretted disturbing that peace as soon as she opened her mouth.

“So, what do you think the Council will do now?”

Ezra arched an eyebrow before he opened both eyes. He brought his head forward, deepening the shadows under his eyes. He looked so tired. 

“Well, for starters, they won’t be returning with their respective Clan leaders back to their homes.”

Clarke’s thighs were hurting from the deep squat she was in, so she caved and sat on the damp hay on the ground. 

“Aside from their travel arrangements, what else do you think will change?”

Ezra rolled his eyes, making sure to exaggerate, “Always asking for more.”

Clarke crossed her arms. She couldn’t play these games with him forever. 

Ezra sighed, “To be honest, I really don’t know. It’s like I told you last time. There has never been a time when there wasn’t an alpha _natblida_ alive to ascend. The one safe bet is that there will be enough chaos in Polis that you will be free to find my sister.” 

“What do you think they will do to you now that there isn’t a Commander to execute you?”

Ezra looked away before he said, “Ragnar, or the Council more broadly, will probably still kill me, out of spite.” 

Clarke reached out for Ezra’s non-broken hand and began fitting different keys from the keyring into the lock of the shackle. 

Ezra sounded alarmed as he said, “What are you doing?”

Through gritted teeth, Clarke responded, “Getting you out of here.”

“ _Clarke._ No. Clarke, stop.”

Ezra pulled his hand away from her reach. Eventually, Clarke looked back up at Ezra, knowing that she couldn’t hide her tears any longer by staring at the keys in her hands.

“I can’t just let you die.”

Ezra’s expression softened before he said, “I already told you, I was always going to die this way.”

Clarke shook her head, “Lexa will never forgive me if I don’t try to get you out of here.”

Ezra did his best to cross his arms, considering one of them was in a sling.

“Okay, let’s say you do. And then what? My knees have been shattered, Clarke. I can’t walk. I can barely put any weight on them.”

Grasping for a solution, Clarke said, “I won’t be traveling alone. A friend of mine is escaping with me. Between the two of us, we can carry you through the tunnels and to my horse.”

Ezra closed his eyes and frowned before he said, “Clarke unless your friend is built like an ox, the only thing I will do is slow you down. Maybe even enough to get you caught before you ever leave the city.” 

Clarke was about to respond, but Ezra opened his eyes and continued.

“And even if you did all of those things, what kind of life will I have once this is over? My scent glands are gone. I've been stripped of my presentation. Any chance of a future with someone is out the window. I will likely never be able to fight again. Everything that made me who I am has been taken from me.”

“That doesn’t mean that your life ceases to have value. Just because your life has changed doesn’t mean that you can’t find some other way to define who you are. Plenty of people who can’t walk have done great things.”

“How many do you know who currently live on the ground, in this world we live in?”

Clarke swallowed her tongue and looked away. She couldn’t look at him as she wiped fresh tears off of her face. 

“I can’t just let them kill you,” she whispered.

Just as softly, Ezra responded, “That’s why I need you to do it.”

Clarke got to her feet and began pacing the room. She couldn’t believe what she had just heard come out of his mouth. 

“No, no, no, I refuse. Ezra, Lexa would never forgive me. I would never forgive myself.” 

Clarke stopped pacing with her back turned to him. Calmly, she heard Ezra say over her shoulder,

“You did it for that boy all those months ago because you knew his death by our hands would have mutilated him. Why won't you offer me the same mercy?”

If Ezra thought that would help incentivize her, he was wrong. The nightmares she had of Finn’s face was one of the reasons she knew she couldn’t do what he was asking her to do. Clarke whipped around.

"How dare you bring up Finn and expect me to do anything you ask?"

"Because once again, we are standing at that post. A man with his hands is tied up after accepting his fate. You can either walk away after saying your goodbyes, or you can put him out of misery. Either way, he is going to die. It's just a matter of how his spirit is released." 

Clarke felt her mind travel through time. She could practically taste the forest in her mouth, feel hundreds of eyes watching her as she trudged up to that post. Finn's puppy dog eyes gleamed back at her as his chin trembled. She could smell his fear even if mixed with an air of acceptance. When she wrapped her arms around him, she pushed out all of the soothing pheromones she could muster. Clarke refused to live out that memory to its endpoint as she forced herself back into the present. Hoping to put as much distance between her and Finn’s ghost, she tried a different approach. Clarke changed the subject. 

“Why do you act like this is what you deserve? All you ever did was protect your sister.”

Clarke could see the moment his own ghosts flooded the room. He shuttered before he closed his eyes, hoping to block out the things he’d done.

“We both know I did a lot more than that. I have so much blood on my hands. Blood that can never be washed away, Clarke.”

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows, “But you had to do all of that because–”

Ezra brought his fist to the ground as he said, “ _Damnit,_ Clarke. Don’t you get it? None of this would have happened if I was the one born with nightblood, not her.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes, “I don’t understand, are you saying you wish it was you that was _Heda_?”

Ezra looked at her like she was stupid. 

“What? No, I would have died in the Conclave. But Lexa would have been safe. This should have been my burden to bear, not hers.”

Clarke sat back down, so they were at eye level. 

“A week ago, you were telling me Lexa was born to lead.”

Ezra sighed, “If she had red blood, given her skills, Indra would have recruited her in a heartbeat as her second. She still could have led within _Trikru_. Likely becoming _Trikru's_ Clan leader with enough time. Instead, she was dealt her hand, while I was dealt mine.” 

Clarke shook her head, “None of that was within your control, Ezra. This wasn’t your fault.”

Ezra looked at one of the walls before he wiped his own tears away. He brought his eyes to his knees.

“Maybe. But that doesn’t change the guilt I have over how she has suffered.” 

Clarke didn’t know what to say. What could she say that would assuage him of nineteen years of guilt? She followed his gaze down to what used to be his knees. They were closer to the size of cantaloupes than human knees, now. She wasn’t sure Ezra's knees had been salvageable if someone managed to bring him to Arkadia as soon as it happened. His voice brought her attention back up. 

“Don’t risk your life for mine only to make her see me this way. She won’t forgive herself.”

“But at least you will still be in her life.” Clarke brought her left hand to her chest, “I am the reason she has lost so many of the people she loved. Gustus, Anya, Titus. I can’t be the reason she loses you.”

He softened his expression once again, “ _Oh Clarke. S_ he lost me the second they decided to shuck out my scent glands like oysters.”

That’s when the tears really poured down her face. Faster than she could wipe them away. All at once, all of the grief she had from the past few days, then the past few months, came rushing back. If Ontari brought out her rage, then Ezra effectively boiled it down to what it really was, unimaginable pain, that for so long had felt unanswered. The worst part of it was, there was a good chance that none of this would have happened if she just controlled her anger when Titus was taunting her. She felt herself spiral down a hole of unspeakable shame. If she did what Ezra was asking her to do, she wasn’t sure she deserved to find her mate after all. 

And yet, in between the blurry halo her tears brought to Ezra’s features, she was able to see for the first time just how broken the man was. Here she was, wallowing in her own suffering when Ezra had spent the last week in agony. And for the most part, he had dealt with it alone. 

Ezra likely knew this would happen the moment they arrested him. He could have fought them off. He was arguably the best warrior Clarke had ever seen, perhaps except for Lexa. But he let the Order take him. And he suffered as they tortured him for information. If Clarke truly did find Lexa, it would only be because of Ezra’s efforts. Whatever future she had to look forward to, she would forever owe it to the man in front of her. Did that mean that she should honor his wishes now or fight for his possibility of a future?

Clarke was about to respond when he said, “ _Der ste no diyo yu na dula op nau. Eintheing na hod op disha._ ” (There is nothing you can do now. Nothing can stop this.)

Clarke heaved. She studied his eyes for a long moment. The resolve she found in them helped her come to terms with what she had to do. She closed her eyes and nodded. Her next question came out more like a croak.

“Is there anything you want me to tell her for you?” 

Instead of responding to her question, he said, “Do me a favor. Make sure Bellamy gets pranked at least once every couple of months. I want him to think my ghost is haunting him for the foreseeable future.”

Clarke couldn’t help but shake her head and chuckle before the image of Ezra once again blurred through her tears. 

In a cruel twist of fate, Ezra was still comforting her even though he was the one who was going to die. 

“You’re going to be okay, Clarke. Both of you will always find your back to one another.” 

Clarke got back onto her knees as she scooted alongside his legs so she could hug his chest. She couldn’t help but grimace as she wrapped her arms around him. He had already lost a frightening amount of weight, considering how long he had been in the cell. But she still held on, as if she could memorize how he felt wrapped around her body so she could take that embrace with her to Lexa. Before they separated, he whispered,

“Tell Lexa, ‘ _Nou ge fir in gon daun ga life yu gaf in gon kik. En gon mema in dei de Ai na feva na kom yu._ ’” (Don't be afraid to fight for the life you want to live. And to remember that I will always be with you.)

Clarke gulped before she nodded into his shoulder. Eventually, Clarke withdrew her arms and reached for one of the daggers on her hip. It still had black blood on the blade even after she tried to wipe it off from earlier. When she made contact with the skin of his neck, Ezra’s expression could only be described as relieved. His initial whine of pain became a slow gasp of air. In the time they had spent together since his arrest, he rarely complained of the pain of his injuries. But knowing that that would soon be over, he was at peace. 

Clarke held his hand for what felt like a long time. It didn’t take long for the lack of blood supply to his brain for him to fall unconscious. Even still, she waited. She knew her leather jacket would be covered in his blood, but still, she held his hand, refusing to leave. 

Eventually, when the blood pumping from his carotids had stalled, Clarke knew it was time for her to get up. She wished more than anything that she could have cut off his braid to give it to Lexa. But even that had been taken away by Ragnar when they shaved his head upon his arrest. 

Unwilling to leave his body that way, Clarke unshackled his wrists and laid his body flat on the ground. She walked out of the cell to grab one of the torches along the wall and brought it back to where Ezra’s body remained still. Clarke studied the cell one more time. It was made entirely of stone. With a little luck, the flames would likely be contained by this cell. Hell, at this point, even if the whole Tower caught fire, she wasn’t entirely sure she cared. So long as Bellamy and Kane remained out gambling with the other ambassadors, they should be safe. 

Clarke wiped tears from her face one more time before she whispered, 

“ _Yu gonplei ste odon._ ”

She watched his body burn for about a minute before she left the cell and didn’t look back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, this one was really hard to write. I know some of you might not agree with Ezra's reasoning, or Clarke's decision to honor his wishes, and I understand that. 
> 
> Ezra has honestly been a joy for me to create, write for, and have custody of his story throughout this journey. I honestly wouldn't even consider him my character even though I made him up. I feel like he's my readers' character, you guys have really fallen for him. I could not ask for anything more when it comes to an original character in an already established fandom. 
> 
> That being said, like many of the admittedly hard parts of this fic, this was always the plan. Ezra was always meant to be a bright light, even if he would burn out before the end. In case anyone was wondering, yes that means that Clarke is going to have to tell Lexa about it when they see each other again. I still haven't fully decided how she is going to react to it, but I am curious to hear what you guys think about her response.
> 
> I have been toying with the idea of doing a one-off or a short multichapter fic from his perspective, taking place before HCIGBTY. Let me know if that's something you guys are interested in. 
> 
> As always, thank you guys so much for reading, you really are awesome,
> 
> -Biphi


	42. Not All is Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Murphy are on the road, looking for clues, and trying not to go crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays to everyone that celebrates! Here's to hoping that 2021 is better than the dumpster fire that was 2020. 
> 
> For those of you that are alone this season, or for those of you that are lonely whether because the people around you don't know who you truly are or don't accept you, know that I see you and love you and that you are not alone. I know the holidays are not everyone's favorite time of year. 
> 
> A quick thing that I just want people to think about as they read this. The events starting with Roan bringing Clarke to Polis (chapters 9/10) through the events of chapter 41 take place a little over 4 weeks. We pick up with Clarke and Murphy a month after they started searching. If Clarke seems a little wilted in this chapter, it's not because she's lost her resolve to find Lexa, it's just because they've been at it for a while. 
> 
> Anyways, I can't wait for you guys to read this one!

**Clarke**

Clarke was sitting on a small cot, using candlelight to see the bunker map as best as she could from their position underground. She hadn’t noticed any signs of being followed since they left Polis. But she insisted that they travel at night and slept during the day. Over the past couple of weeks, she and Murphy had been in plenty of bunkers, but this one was particularly cramped. They barely had enough space to stand upright. Unlike the bunker she and Lexa spent her heat in, there was no comfortable bed, dining table, or fireplace. Just a cot with a couple of furs, some clean clothes, and birth control tea. Clarke let Murphy take the cot to sleep in while she slept on the ground. She woke up just before sunset with a stiff back but at least they were safe.

Clarke’s mind drifted away from the map in front of her, back to what happened right after she killed Ezra. Unfortunately, the killing didn’t end there. She had to slay all of the guards on the prison floor. She couldn’t afford to have them reveal anything to the Order. Even if she used coercion to keep their mouths shut, what could explain how six guards let someone enter a cell and murder the sole prisoner they were expected to guard? She justified it to herself with the knowledge that the Order would have gotten to their families either to try to get information out of them or as punishment for letting someone get to Ezra right under their noses. This way, it was a clean break.

When she got back to the landing where Murphy was hiding, to his credit, he didn’t say anything about her leather jacket covered in blood. He just handed her winter coat back to her before he picked up his bag. As soon as they left the tunnels, Clarke took them to their first bunker. She had no intention of going back to the village to get her horse. They would have no place to keep him when they slept. Unsurprisingly, there was no trace of Lexa in that first bunker. Clarke was too exhausted to be disappointed. They collapsed on the bed just as the sun began to rise above the horizon.

Before they left for the next bunker, Clarke tried her best to clean the dried blood off of her leather jacket in a nearby river. Blood had gotten caked into the creases, and it smelled. But no matter how much she scrubbed, she couldn’t get the bloodstains out. Eventually, Clarke had to accept that she ruined her jacket. Before she tried to burn it, she made sure to check the pockets one last time. Clarke had already removed the ultrasound photos and bunker map from the inside pockets. But she realized that the moisturizer her mother gave her was still in one of the outer pockets. It was silly, but as she watched the jacket burn, she panicked, knowing that Lexa was probably uncomfortable and itchy without her moisturizer to soothe the stretch marks on her skin. Never had she missed her mate more, but she wasn’t even sure Lexa would forgive her after what she had done.

By the fourth bunker, Clarke and Murphy developed a routine. Clarke would pick a bunker. They would travel to it at night, tearing it apart to look for clues of Lexa being there, sleep during the day, then pick a new bunker around sunset right before they took off. It was monotonous, but it allowed Clarke to remain numb. She didn’t have to think about Ezra or Ontari or Titus, or anyone else. She just had to pick a bunker buried in the Coalition and get to it. For now, the only time she was forced to confront what she had done was in her dreams.

Murphy didn’t ask her what happened since he left Arkadia, and she gave him his space in return. Until about two weeks into their journey, when Murphy started getting sick. He blamed it on Clarke’s cooking, saying that nothing she made was edible. But after the fifth day of him retching up his meals, they both knew it wasn’t just her cooking.

Clarke offered to take him to her mother. It would add time to her journey and might even make it impossible to retrace her mate’s steps. But she couldn’t find it in her heart to ask Murphy to stay if it meant having to bear a pup sired by that monster. To her surprise, Murphy just said,

“Let’s keep going.”

“But–”

“–I said, let’s keep going.”

Clarke nodded solemnly and didn’t bring it up again. All she could do was try to keep him comfortable as best she could and make sure he kept down fluids as much as possible. There was strange poetry to the fact that while she missed Lexa’s toughest months of pregnancy, she would be taking care of another omega during theirs. 

But the knowledge of his pregnancy left a question that burned in her mind for days. She began to avoid eye contact, worried that he would catch on to her curiosity. They broke for lunch, with the moon full and lighting the path around them. They had been eating for about five minutes when Murphy sighed, 

“Ask me what you need to ask so we can get this over with.”

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows, “I don’t have any ques–”

“Don’t bullshit me, Clarke. I know you too well for that.” 

Clarke looked away, embarrassed that she had been so obvious.

Murphy coughed, “I’m waiting, Clarke.”

Clarke turned her head back towards his direction, but she still averted her gaze, putting a hand behind her neck.

“It’s just that I know all of the female betas and omegas received hormone injections before we left space. I don’t really understand how you, well, are in your,” Clarke flitted her eyes back to his, “current situation.” 

Murphy gave her a look like he was deciding how painful a conversation he wanted to make this for her. A look of resolve overcame his face as he said,

“Remember when you banished me from the dropship?”

Clarke nodded.

“And then I came back, tortured by a gang of _Trikru_ warriors, hellbent on inflicting suffering on the rest of you?”

Clarke nodded painfully, “I don’t think anyone could forget the hemorrhagic virus. Or what they did to you.”

“Right. Well, before I exacted my revenge before I left the grounders, they felt the implant in my arm.”

Clarke could tell where this was going, “John, what did they do?”

Murphy gave her his intense stare, “Your pal, Anya, thought it might be a listening device, so she cut it out.” 

Clarke covered her mouth, “Murphy, I had no idea. I am so sorry.” 

Murphy just shrugged, “I was already passed out from the pain from other things they did to me, so that part was a piece of cake.”

Clarke sighed. Murphy could be so frustrating. He had inflicted a lot of pain on others, but it was often in response to the pain someone inflicted on him first. 

“Why didn’t you ask for another one when the rest of the Ark made it down here?”

“Don’t you think I tried? They ran out and couldn’t make any more after that bitch Dianna Sydney took the Exodus ship and blew the Ark to hell on the way out.” 

Clarke was about to express her sympathies again when Murphy said, “Keep your pity to yourself. I got dealt a shitty hand, but I’m used to it. It’s what I deserve, anyway.” 

Clarke wanted to tell him that wasn’t true, that no one deserved to be tortured or to be touched without their consent, but he had already stood up and begun walking through the forest as if he knew where he was going. Clarke had no choice to follow him before he went the wrong way. They hadn’t talked about it since then. 

Murphy groaned, bringing Clarke out of her musings. He was sitting with his legs crossed as he tossed a ball at the wall that he found in one of the bunkers a couple of days back. 

“Have you picked the next bunker we are going to tear apart?” 

Clarke closed her eyes tightly. Her eyes stung from the frequent squinting at the map she had to do to compensate for the lack of light. She opened them before she turned her head to face him. 

“Not quite. We have checked almost all of the bunkers within a day’s journey of Polis. I’m just deciding which direction to take us next.” 

Murphey groaned again, “We have been at this for over a month. It’s the same thing every day. You pick a bunker. We travel at night. On foot, since you decided not to get your horse from that village, I might add. We search the bunker and guess what, no surprise, there is no sign of Lexa. And then we start all over the next day.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, “You know we couldn’t take the horse. There was nowhere for us to keep him during the day while we slept. It could have given our position away.”

Murphy turned his body around to face her directly.

“Clarke, what are you expecting to happen? We pick the right bunker that Lexa has somehow been staying in for five weeks instead of going to, I don’t know, a more secure location. This is a waste of time.”

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows, “If you don’t like it, leave. You never met Lexa. You have no reason to stay. Why aren’t you trying to find that hot alpha that helped you ditch Jaha in the desert?”

Well, they talked about _almost_ none of their experiences apart. 

Through gritted teeth, Murphy said, “You know why.” Murphy clicked his tongue against the back of his top teeth, “I’m never telling you anything personal again.”

Clarke sighed, “We have searched thirty bunkers–”

“–I’ve seen the map, Clarke. There are over a hundred. At this rate, we could spend over three months doing this and not find anything. Or worse, we will get captured by the people who are pissed off that you took their precious Commander away from them.”

Clarke looked away. She knew why Murphy was frustrated. It’s not like she didn’t have the same concerns. But what else was she supposed to do? If she focused too much on the possibility that this might not work, that she wouldn’t find some clue as to where they had gone, she would be forced to reconcile the fact that she might never find her. But she couldn’t admit that out loud. That would make her fears too real. 

“Well? You’ve got nothing to say?”

Clarke’s tempers flared, “It’s the only lead I’ve got!”

Clarke didn’t realize that she was crying until the hot tears spilled down her cheeks. She wasn’t sure if they were angry tears or tears of sadness anymore.

When Murphy saw her wipe her tears away, he softened his expression. He opened his mouth to respond, but Clarke wasn’t willing to hear what he was about to say.

“Don’t you think I know that I am wasting our time? That this is hopeless? That every underground shack that I tear apart looking for some measly clue that she was there doesn’t eat me alive? Don’t you get it, I can’t have lost her! Not after everything I did in Polis before I left. This all has to have meant something.”

Murphy got up from his spot on the ground and sat next to Clarke on the cot. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and she leaned her head into him. For a while, they didn’t talk. Murphy just let her cry on his shoulder.

She whispered, “What if we don’t find her?”

Clarke tilted her head so she could see his reaction. Murphy kept his expression thoughtful.

“What are you most afraid will happen if you don’t?”

Clarke brought her gaze back to the wall as she considered his question. Her initial instincts were primal. Her alpha could not tolerate the idea of not being with its mate. Her skin burned at the prospect. She would rather endure endless torture than have a painless life without Lexa. But when she probed herself deeper, she knew it was more than that. Her alpha might need its omega just as she needed air to breathe, but she also loved Lexa for who she was, beyond her presentation. The only reason Lexa was on the run was because of Clarke’s actions. If anything happened to her or their son, Clarke would never forgive herself.

Even if Lexa was safe and well protected, she was still alone. Yes, she had Octavia and Lincoln, who Clarke had no doubt would defend her mate with their lives. But the farther along in this pregnancy she got, the more vulnerable she was. And that said nothing of the possibility that Lexa could end up having to raise their son on her own. And that weighed Clarke down with a sadness she could not articulate.

Clarke brought her head up from John’s shoulder and looked him in the eye.

“I’m worried that she will have to raise our son alone.”

Murphy’s breath hitched in his throat. When he looked down reflexively, Clarke brought her hands to her face,

“John, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe how insensitive that was. I–”

“–It’s fine. Seriously, this pup is better off not knowing its sire.”

Clarke brought a tentative hand to his and said, “Well, know that you aren’t alone. You will have me as a friend to help you, regardless of whether or not we find Lexa.”

Clarke watched as Murphy stared at their hands before he brought his light blue eyes up to her deep blue ones.

“I have to believe that someone is saying that same thing to Lexa. From what little you have told me, Ezra did everything he could to make sure that not only would she make it out of the city alive, but that she wouldn’t be alone. I don’t pretend to know Lincoln very well, but something tells me that he would be nothing short of vicious if harm came to Lexa or your son. If we are going to find them, you have to believe that. Otherwise, this whole situation is hopeless.” 

Clarke swallowed her lips before she looked away. She knew all of the things he said were true, but it didn’t make it any easier to hear them.

She turned back to look at him, “When did you get so wise?”

Murphy gave her a wry smile, “I have had a lot of time to think since our time at the dropship. I’m not the same smart mouthed pup you knew before.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow, and he said, “Okay, the smart ass in me hasn’t died, but I have been through enough to know that even when you think you’ve lost everything, including yourself, someone, or something, shows up when you least expect it.”

Clarke nodded before she said, “If you ever need to talk about what happened since you left Arkadia, you know you can tell me, right?”

Murphy closed his eyes before he turned his head forward to face the bunker wall, “I know. And I appreciate you saying that. I do. It’s just,” he looked upwards like he was trying to find the right words before training his intense stare back on her.

“Don’t expect me to spill all of my darkest secrets to you anytime soon.”

Realizing that the time for vulnerability was over, Clarke gave him a nod before she brought her attention back to the map still on her lap. It must have been well past sunset by now. They were killing valuable travel time by staying down here. They needed to figure out where they were going next, and they needed to start moving quickly.

Murphy brought her attention back, “How about I pick our next bunker?”

Clarke was about to argue when Murphy cut her off, “You’ve picked the first thirty. It’s only fair I get a turn.”

Clarke closed her mouth and nodded before she pointed to the bunker they were currently in on the map and all of the little marks she had placed next to bunkers they had already visited. After a couple of minutes of studying the map for himself, Murphy picked a bunker a little farther out. It was at least two days outside of Polis, maybe even longer than a day’s journey from where they were now, but Clarke figured if they left immediately, and they pushed hard, they could get there before sunrise. 

###

The sun was peeking out over the horizon when they found a mound of grass with a perfect circle outlining what must have been a lid to the opening of the bunker. It took some finagling, but Clarke pried it open. A metal ladder went straight down into the bunker. Clarke went down the ladder first, making sure that no one was in the bunker before Murphy followed her down. There was a spoked wheel on the inside that Murphy used to seal the bunker shut. Clarke had already started lighting candles around the room with a lighter from her bag. 

This bunker was larger than most of the bunkers they had seen. It had a full-sized bed, a dining table, a bookshelf, a set of drawers filled with clothes, and a fireplace with a chimney to blow off smoke to the ground above. The prospect of a warm fire was tempting, but she hesitated to use it. It might have been mid-December in their first winter on the ground, but if someone were to see the smoke, it might give them away. 

With their winter coats still on, Clarke and Murphy started the tedious task of searching for clues. While a larger bunker might have been more comfortable for them, it also meant more places for them to look. But seeing as they had conducted dozens of searches before, they did not need to communicate before they systematically turned over every corner of the space. They shook out every pillow. One of them pulled all of the shirts out of the drawers. Clarke even searched the fireplace in case there was evidence that they tried to hide by burning it. When Murphy found a stash of dried meets, Clarke almost cried. They pushed themselves to make it to the bunker. She barely had enough energy to tear it apart, let alone to go out and hunt during the early hours while animals were out. 

Unfortunately, aside from the food, they came up with nothing. Clarke suppressed the urge to scream. After putting the whole place back together, she pulled out one of her sketchbooks and started to draw. She wished she could get out of the bunker for even a few minutes, but except for hunting and going to the bathroom, they did not expose themselves during the day. So, she did what she used to do when she felt like she needed to escape in solitary, she drew the world beyond her cell. 

From her seat at the table, she could see Murphy prodding through the room one more time. Their search was to check for clues, but Clarke always knew that Murphy liked to look through the bunker again, to see if there was anything worth keeping for himself. The ball wasn’t the only thing he kept from their excavations. She should have chastised him for it, but he was the one who found the lighter, so she couldn’t exactly tell him his efforts didn’t yield anything useful. Still, she couldn’t help but wonder about the things he’d taken that she didn’t know about. 

Murphy made it to the bookshelf when Clarke realized her drawing resembled the handsome face of the man she had only killed a month before. Shaken, she closed her sketchbook and sat back in her chair. She might not have been seeing Ezra everywhere like she saw Finn, but somehow his ghost had its own way of making an appearance. Clarke put her elbows on the tables and her hands on her face. It had been a long year. She might as well have been a thousand years old. 

Clarke sat back in her chair and turned her attention to Murphy, who had pulled one of the books off the shelf. Seeing as she had never seen Murphy take any interest in reading, Clarke got up from her chair and walked over to where Murphy was standing. 

The book in his hands wasn’t large. It was hand-bound with leather, like the _Azegeda_ book Bellamy had from the library in Polis. Only this looked more like a journal. It looked oddly familiar, but she couldn’t quite place where she saw it before. Murphy had the book angled so Clarke could see the pages. Most of the early pages contained written observations, but that quickly changed as she saw page after page of drawings. Some were animals and then plants with little labels on the bottom describing what they were used for as if whoever wrote the book was keeping a reference. 

Murphy flipped a couple of pages forward, and it opened to a drawing of the dropship. 

“Clarke–”

“Flip to the next page.”

The next page was a drawing of Octavia. And they both froze. Clarke couldn’t help her burgeoning excitement as her face broke out into her biggest smile since before Lexa left Polis. Even Murphy had a silly grin on his face.

Clarke said with certainty, “This is Lincoln’s journal.”

“Which means–”

“–They were here! Oh my god, Murphy, how the hell did you know to pick up this book?”

Murphy gave a light shrug, “I didn’t. I was looking for something to read–don’t laugh, I was bored.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow, a smirk on her face, “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

Murphy rolled his eyes, “Anyways, I was looking for a book to read when I saw that this one was bookmarked by something. So I picked it up and started looking through the pages.” 

Seeing as there wasn’t a page bookmarked anymore, whatever it was must have been interesting.

“Murphy, what did you find in the book.”

Murphy uncurled his hand, and Clarke gasped. Murphy was holding a panther's tooth with a sprig of pine tied around it. It had to have been from her necklace. She wasn’t able to find it before reporting for her duties as ambassador, and she never found it later when she was packing the night before she left Polis. When Murphy offered the tooth to her, she almost forgot about the book. She couldn’t help but touch it like it was a robin’s egg or something fragile that could break if she held it too tightly. She took in a deep breath and found that it didn’t just smell like blood and tooth enamel. It had a distinctly sweet omega smell that could only have happened if Lexa had kept it close to her. Probably around her neck. 

Lexa had been here. And she left a way for Clarke to find her. She wanted Clarke to find her. Despite her request that Clarke remain in Polis, she knew Clarke well enough to know that eventually, she would come looking for her. A part of her still couldn’t believe it. And she had Murphy to thank for it. She knew that eventually, she would have reached this bunker. That was the whole point of checking all of them. But Murphy was the one who decided to go there today. 

Without thinking, Clarke enveloped him in a hug. Murphy hesitated at first, and Clarke panicked, realizing that she entered his personal space without asking, and she immediately began to unwind her arms. 

But Murphy whispered, “It’s okay, and you’re welcome,” before he deepened the hug. 

Before it got too awkward, they took a step back from each other, Murphy with the book still in his hand and Clarke with the panther tooth. Clarke realized that she had completely forgotten about the book when she asked,

“What pages was the tooth wedged between?”

Murphy still had a finger in between the pages when he opened the book back up. At first, Clarke wasn’t sure what it was supposed to mean. Lincoln had drawn a beautiful map of the coast and much of the landmarks that marked the territory of _Trikru_. But was that supposed to mean that Lexa was telling her that she was hiding in _Trikru_ somewhere? If so, why choose this drawing? Lincoln had other drawings of specific places within _Trikru_ that would have been more helpful. 

Clarke brought the book back to the table where she had several candles lit and she could study the book better. Murphy sat in the chair next to her and looked over her shoulder at the map. Worried that the panther tooth was supposed to tell her something more besides the fact that it was hers, she racked her head for where she was exactly when she killed it. She felt her mind going a mile a minute when Murphy put his pointer finger on the bottom right corner of the drawing.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

When Murphy brought his finger away, Clarke realized what he was pointing to. Surrounded by what appeared to be a ring of stones or logs, it was impossible to tell, were three spirals that were connected, each with a tail that wrapped around all of the spirals in a larger circle. Her time in Polis helped her recognize it immediately. 

“That’s the symbol for _Floukru_ , they live on the water, after you left, we–”

Clarke was about to explain how Bellamy and she eventually decided to leave the dropship to travel to Luna’s clan when she reached for Murphy’s forehead and kissed it.

“Murphy, you are a genius!”

Murphy looked momentarily confused before he smirked, “In what way?” 

“You figured out what Lexa was trying to tell me.”

Clarke was so excited, she barely realized that Murphy’s confused look returned.

“That’s where they went. And that’s where we are going.”

“So long as we don’t have to do any more bunker diving, I don’t care where we go.” 

“No more bunker diving, I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple of you have guessed that Lexa was in Floukru and as much as I had the impulse to change my mind to surprise you guys, I felt like that wouldn't have served the story. Plus I think you'll like what I have in store.
> 
> As always thank you for reading, I love hearing everyone's comments.
> 
> All the best,
> 
> -Biphi


	43. We've Still Got More Grieving to Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa is adjusting to living in Floukru when she hears some terrible news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys! I know it's been a while, I hope everyone is hanging in there. 
> 
> A couple of things before you read this chapter:
> 
> No this is not the reunion chapter. I know you guys have been patient, and I really appreciate that, I just ask you guys to hang in there, and trust the story to unfold. 
> 
> All of that being said, since we already know where Lexa is, I thought it was about time we heard from her. This takes place after the events of the Conclave in Polis while Clarke has already left to go looking for her.
> 
> I'm really excited with how this one turned out and I really hope you guys will enjoy it too.

**Lexa**

Lexa squinted as she stared out at the horizon from her perch on the highest level of the strange metal island. She had spent the past five days on the rig, and sipping her tea up there as soon as she woke up had become a ritual. A part of her was convinced that if she squinted hard enough, she might be able to see a thin strip of land, finally orienting herself to where the hell she actually was. She didn’t think she’d ever get used to being this far away from the earth and the trees she grew up with. In a way, being stranded amongst miles and miles of the ocean was probably the best approximation of Clarke’s early life in space. Lexa wasn’t sure if that thought comforted her or if it made her feel worse. 

When her eyes began to sting at the constant strain from the bright unadulterated sun, she closed them. The bitter tang of salt and fish hit her nose when a fresh gust of wind wrapped around her face. The soft, downy hairs close to her scalp clung to her skin while her mane, down and wild from the wet air, crossed her face and made it hard for her to drink her tea. She hadn’t worn her Commander braids since leaving Polis twelve days ago. Some days she wore it in a singular thick braid down her back. But since arriving at _Floukru_ , she mostly left it down and observed her thick waves curl in the humid air. 

Lexa couldn’t help but shiver in the November air. She wished she had brought the blanket from her bed with her this morning. She gripped her teacup a little tighter. An insistent slug from the pup forced Lexa to remove one of her hands from the cup to bring it down to her bump under her coat. At almost twenty-one weeks, she wasn’t fooling anyone on the rig. She wasn’t just working off a large meal; there was no doubt a pup in there. She couldn’t help but smile softly despite his kicks that kept her up at night ever since she left Polis. Even if he was a painful reminder of what she had lost, he also meant that she had a part of Clarke with her always. 

But these past twelve days had been hard. When she woke up several hours after being knocked out, Lexa realized that Lincoln had taken her and Octavia to one of the bunkers outside of the city. At first, she was furious. Her mistakes were hers to bear alone. She didn’t want to put Lincoln and Octavia at risk. If they got caught within Coalition lands, the three of them would be killed. She hoped to follow through with her initial plan to leave the Coalition and hole up somewhere until the pup was born. 

Thankfully, Octavia wasn’t having any of it. Lexa felt one of the corners of her lips turn up in a smirk as she remembered Octavia’s words.

“I don’t want to hear any of your self-sacrificing bullshit. Not after we just spent the last day hauling ass out of Polis after we only just got there. I don’t know all that happened after you and Clarke returned to Polis, just that somehow you both managed to get yourselves into trouble, and for some crazy reason, Bellamy insisted that we needed to help you. Good thing we did. You could have died in that riot. So spare us the speech about how you’ll be fine on your own. I don’t really care. The bottom line is, we are helping you through this whether you like it or not. And for what it’s worth, there’s a whole lot of people in Polis who still care about you and who see you as a leader. Somehow I don’t think all of them are wrong.”

Lincoln might have been the alpha, but Lexa had no uncertainties about who called the shots in their relationship. After another day of traveling to a different bunker, they decided that the safest place for them to go was _Floukru_. And as much as Lexa hoped that Clarke would heed her warnings in the letter she left her, she wanted Clarke to have a way to find her in case she went looking. They decided to leave Lincoln’s journal. Five days later, they reached _Floukru_. 

A musical lilt of laughter brought Lexa’s attention down from the horizon to the lowest platform. She could see Lincoln trying to show Octavia how to fish. Despite how fast of a learner Octavia was, she could attest to that firsthand during their time spent together, there was something about fishing that was leaving her stumped. Lexa had to admit if her initial interactions with Octavia gave her reservations about the younger omega, the past twelve days had changed her perspective. She could only imagine the face Clarke would make if she saw her now, admitting that she was wrong about something. It rarely happened, yet somehow, Lexa only ever found herself admitting it to Clarke. 

As if out of the shadows, Luna appeared beside her. In the seven years since Lexa saw the omega last, Luna had changed very little. Her hair was still as wild as she was. Her features classically beautiful, if too serious for the whimsical spirit she projected to those around her. But she had grown into the strong brow she used to hate as a teenager. Time away from the city and the Order allowed her to thrive in the freedom she always craved. Lexa did not doubt that she was just as deadly as before, but something about her time in the ocean seemed to settle her restless spirit. 

When they arrived on the rig, they were held in a large metal container until they had awoken from the drug they were forced to drink to be taken there. Luna had insisted on seeing Lexa first before she decided that they could stay. As Lexa crafted a list of reasons in her head for Luna to allow them to stay, two men led her out of the metal compartment and into the open air on a platform of the rig. Before she could fully adjust to the bright light, the two men took her down a hallway, hovering before a door. After one of them gave it a harsh knock, Luna opened the door and enveloped Lexa in a tight embrace. A lot had changed since Luna decided to run away, but somehow, none of that mattered when they finally had the chance to see each other for the first time. 

Of course, nothing was ever that simple. Before too long, Luna slowly pulled back enough to look Lexa in the face. She trained her gaze on Lexa’s abdomen, clearly having felt the bump that Lexa was futilely trying to hide under her coat. If Lexa had any hope of staying there, she knew she would have to be honest with Luna. She knew her too well and would catch her in a lie. Lexa gave her a small nod, which Luna returned, before setting her jaw. Neither of them said anything else, and they hadn’t talked about it since then. But Luna did have a habit of checking in on her during the past five days far more often than she likely would have otherwise. Though something about Luna’s haggard expression this cold morning told Lexa that this wasn’t just Luna checking in. 

Luna had her elbows on the railing with her fingers steepled as she stared out at the sea. She had deep purple circles under her eyes like she had been awake long before the sun. Her lips were in a frown that appeared unfamiliar to the muscles of her face. Lexa set her teacup on the ground before she shifted her body to face Luna. They both remained like that for a moment or two before Luna relaxed her face and turned to her,

“How have you been handling all of this?”

Lexa’s eyebrows rose in surprise, not expecting to be the one to supply information.

“Aside from spending more time on the water than I have in my entire life, you and your people have been nothing but accommodating to my friends and me. You will always have my gratitude for the risks you are taking by hiding us here.”

Luna rolled her eyes, “Ever the gracious Commander, no Lexa, I meant how are you coping with the way you were forced out of the city, being separated from your mate?”

Lexa opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She wasn’t used to talking about her feelings, except with Ezra or Clarke, and even they would argue it was like pulling teeth to get her to talk. But Luna was patient. And as someone that had known Lexa since she was very young, she was a master at reading even the tiniest of changes on Lexa’s face. Resigned, Lexa closed her eyes and forced herself to open the box of grief and longing that she had been walling off in her mind to keep herself sane. 

Lexa wrapped her arms around herself before she looked out at the horizon.

“It’s been hard. I miss her more than I could have ever imagined.”

“And losing your position?”

Lexa brought her eyes back to Luna, “Technically, it was never my position to lose in the first place.” 

Luna gave her a small smile, “We both know that doesn’t change anything. You were born to become _Heda_ , that much I know.” 

“I just regret how much I failed them.”

Luna frowned, “Failed them? Lexa, you gave your people all of yourself for years. You have been the best Commander anyone alive has ever seen.”

Lexa wasn’t so sure of that, but she knew that if she pushed back, Luna wouldn’t hear of it. 

“But now that you mention it, I am glad that this patchwork of people has been treating you well.” 

Luna shifted so that her body was fully facing Lexa, with one hand wrapped around the railing. The corners of her lips rose in a smirk before she said,

“What do you think of Lorcan?”

“Lorcan?”

The name sounded vaguely familiar, even if she couldn’t place where she’d heard it before. Not being able to put a face to the name, Lexa silenced the bells in her head and waited for Luna to fill in the gaps. 

“You know who I’m talking about. The tall red-haired man, in his early forties, walks around with ghosts in his eyes.”

Lexa raised her eyebrows. _Oh._ The first time Lexa saw the strange man, they were in the great hall eating dinner when he strode in before his bowl of stew fell from his hands. He left without cleaning up the floor. Lexa had noticed him observing her from a distance several times since then, but he hadn’t said more than two words to her.

“I don’t have much to tell you. We’ve barely had a conversation.” 

“If he won’t start one, you should.” 

Lexa eyed her suspiciously. 

“Who is he, really?”

Luna had a faraway look in her eyes as she said, “He helped me, right after I ran away.”

Luna brought herself back to the present as she said, “He has quite the story to tell. It would be worth it for you to talk to him.”

“What aren’t you telling me?”

Luna’s eyes became wistful before she said, “It’s not my story to tell.” 

When Lexa gave her a small nod, Luna shifted her body forward again so that her elbows rested on the railing. 

“What’s wrong?”

Luna shifted her eyes down to her fingers before she responded,

“As you know, any time the Clan leaders are called back to Polis, I send a representative, knowing that even after you granted me a pardon for my departure, that the members of the Order would love nothing more than to lock me up as soon as I stepped into the city.”

“Right,” Lexa’s pitch went up, expecting further details.

“When the Ascension Council announced the Conclave, I sent Nial, a trusted friend, someone you likely have met before.”

Lexa remembered the former _Boudalankru_ man who would represent Luna when necessary. 

“I’m assuming he went.”

Luna nodded.

“Did he come back?”

“Last night.” 

When Luna shifted her gaze back to Lexa, her expression was dark. Lexa knew that her imagination would conjure up scenarios ten times worse than the truth. She needed to hear what actually happened. 

“Luna, what happened? Who won?”

Lexa steeled herself as she waited for a response. 

“Ontari won. She was merciless against the other alpha _natblida_.”

Dread spread deep in her belly. As a _natblida_ , she had been trained to mourn the loss of those closest to her while they still breathe. It's what allows the Commander to have relationships with the _natblida_ pups knowing that half of them will die in a fight to the death. When she offered to give up the Flame, she knew that a Conclave would be called. She had justified it to herself because even if she remained _Heda_ , she would die eventually. The Conclave was just happening earlier than she would have preferred. But as she knew all too well, the timing of a Conclave is everything. Because it happened only four years after the last Conclave, her pups were younger, less experienced, and more susceptible to an attack.

It's not as if she didn't anticipate Ontari returning to Polis. Or that the Ascension Council would vote to allow her to participate. But hearing that not one of them, not even Sera, was able to defeat Ontari made Lexa feel like she failed them twice. The first being that they were underprepared, that she was too soft on them. The second was allowing the Conclave to happen this soon at all. 

Lexa started doing the mental calculus of what a Coalition under Ontari's rule would look like. Chances are, keeping _Skaikru_ as a part of it was unlikely. Lexa put her thumb and forefinger on the bridge of her nose. This whole situation was a mess. She left her mate in a field of land mines without many options of escape. Luna pulled her out of her spiral. 

“The day after her Ascension, she was found dead in her bed.” 

Lexa brought her hand down from her face. She knew without a doubt that Clarke had something to do with that. She might not have killed Ontari herself, but there was no way she would let her people be exposed to the risks a Coalition led by Ontari would bring. She couldn't help but shake her head. Here she was, so worried about Clarke being trapped when she already found a way to escape. 

“Did they catch whoever killed her?”

Luna looked down at her hands, “No. There were rumors that Ontari was traveling with an omega boy that she kept chained up in her bedroom. People don’t know where he came from, but _Azegeda_ law permits this treatment of omegas, even if it’s banned everywhere else. He wasn’t found in the morning. Nial told me that the impression he got from the other Clan leaders and ambassadors was that they suspect he did it. _Roan_ naturally demanded a full investigation and a lockdown of the city."

"I can appreciate his concerns. Even if I don't think Ontari would have been good for the Coalition, I can see why he wouldn't just accept this was the act of an abused slave given the consequences of her death. Obviously, Nial wouldn't be back here if the lockdown was still in effect."

Luna shook her head, "Once it had been agreed upon that the Ascension Council would rule until another alpha _natblida_ presented, many of the other Clan leaders wanted to go home while their ambassadors remained in the city." 

Somehow, Lexa was skeptical that the theory about Ontari's omega was true, or at the very least, it wasn’t the whole story. But whoever killed Ontari, the implications were enormous. At least for now, the Ascension Council would rule. But by trying to convince the people that a council of omegas could rule the Coalition, they were opening themselves up to the charge that keeping omega _natblid_ a out of the Conclave was hypocritical.

"Was _Skaikru_ ever considered to be responsible for her death?"

Luna furrowed her eyebrows, "No, all members of _Skaikru_ still in the city all had alibies. Although, Nial did mention that Ragnar was irritated when _Skaikru's_ ambassador left the city before Ontari had woken to recite the lineage. But everyone saw her leave well before Ontari was murdered." 

Lexa closed her eyes and took a deep breath. _Clarke. Clarke was safe._ Or at least, she wasn't being accused of murder. And she didn't cause blowback on her people to leave Polis. A small well of hope bloomed in her gut and flushed out some of the despair that had taken root earlier. 

Unfortunately, her happiness was short-lived.

“There’s something else.”

Lexa focused her eyes back on Luna’s as she continued.

“Shortly after the riot broke out, Ragnar had Ezra arrested.”

Lexa took in a sharp breath. She wasn’t surprised, even if his arrest was unanticipated. But from the look on Luna’s face, this wasn’t the last of her bad news. 

“Luna, what happened to my brother?”

Luna’s eyes were glassy, and she took in a shuttering breath before she said, “Ezra was set for execution as soon as a new Commander ascended. But his body was found ...”

Lexa was sure Luna was still speaking. She saw her lips moving, but instead of hearing her voice, a loud whirring noise hit her ears. She felt her chest cave inwards like she was responding to a blow. One hand went to her heart while the other hovered over her growing pup. She was vaguely aware of Luna’s concern as she dumbly stared at a hand on her shoulder. Before long, Luna’s arms were wrapped around her while she limply stared over Luna’s shoulder. 

Ezra was dead. Ezra, the bright spot in her childhood, her guardian, and prank master, was gone. If Luna wasn’t holding her, she might have fallen to the ground. She had already endured so much loss. Her parents, Costia, Gustus, Anya, Titus, the security of her mate’s arms, all taken from her. And she had learned to accept their absences, costs of the responsibility she had to her people. But she wasn’t _Heda_ anymore. She did the right thing. She gave up her power so that the people could be led by someone who deserved it. Unfortunately, she was still paying for her sins. 

Later, she would chastise herself for not anticipating this eventuality, for not fighting for his safety in addition to all of her terms for her peaceful surrender of the Flame. But for now, all she could feel was the unbearable ache of living in a cruel world without her brother. 

Coming back into herself, she was finally able to squeeze Luna back as she felt a hand stroking her hair and a voice singing a lullaby. 

###

Lexa spent the next couple of days alone in her room. She only opened the door to go to the bathroom and to accept the food trays Luna had been bringing to her door. She wouldn’t have eaten at all, but she had the pup to think about. At first, several people tried to knock on her door to get her to talk. She was pretty sure Octavia fell asleep leaning against her door the first night. Eventually, people learned to accept that she would come out when she was ready. 

On the fourth day, Lexa woke up and decided that she could not stare at the same wall any longer. She wasn’t over her brother’s death, not by a long shot. But she also realized that being alone wasn’t helping. So she went to the dining hall to take her breakfast for the first time since hearing the news. She opted not to sit at the largest table in the center of the room, but one of the smaller ones, in the corner. She knew people were staring at her, which she was used to. As _Heda_ , people were always staring at her, especially outside of the capital, where people weren’t used to seeing their Commander regularly. But she also knew that people were staring at her now for an entirely different reason, and that was tough to swallow. 

Before long, Luna sat across from her with her morning meal. Lexa wanted to say something to push her away, something about if she wanted to sit with Luna and her friends, she would have sat in the center of the room. But something about the challenge in Luna’s face made her keep her mouth shut. As awful as Lexa knew she was bound to look, she was taken aback by the puffy red splotches under her friend’s eyes and the depths of her haunted expression. It was a reminder that as much as Ezra meant to her, his loss was not hers to grieve alone. 

While it had been over seven years ago, Lexa had gotten the impression that Luna and her brother were involved. She never learned the full extent of it. Ezra always clammed up whenever she mentioned Luna, but she knew that they meant a great deal to each other. Whether or not Luna had moved on since then, she and Lexa had not yet discussed. Even if she had, Lexa knew that his loss was painful to both of them.

“How have you been these past few days?”

Luna raised her eyebrows, “I should be asking you that. You have suffered a great loss, on top of so much suffering you have already experienced.”

Lexa reached a tentative hand out to Luna, who squeezed it in return.

“I know you and Ezra were close when you both lived in Polis. I am embarrassed not to have acknowledged your loss sooner.”

Luna shook her head, “Don’t punish yourself like that. You lost your brother. It’s okay for you to focus on your own grief.” 

Lexa nodded before bringing her attention back down to her breakfast. Today was the first day she actually had an appetite and wasn’t forcing the food down. It was a warm stew, perfect for the cold day it was shaping up to be. They ate in silence for a couple of minutes before Lexa looked back up at Luna, who had finished eating and was patiently waiting for Lexa to finish. 

“Luna?”

Luna gave her a small smile, “ _Sha?_ ”

“I hope this isn’t too insensitive of me to ask, but Ezra would never give me a straight answer about, well, about the nature of your relationship. I knew you guys were close, but–”

Luna gave her a smirk before she said, “–You’re curious about just how close we were.”

Lexa could feel herself blush and immediately regretted the question.

“Never mind, you don’t have to tell me anything. What happened or did not happen between you two is completely your business–”

Luna squeezed her hand as she said, “Lexa, relax, it’s okay.”

Luna gave her a full smile, “Ezra was a private man, even back then. I understand why you want to know.” 

Lexa did her best to wipe the sheepish expression off of her face. She wasn’t used to feeling quite so much like a pup, but something about being around a person who, outside of Anya, was the closest thing she had to a big sister, brought something out of her. 

Luna’s eyes fell into a faraway expression. Lexa waited patiently for her to collect her thoughts.

“As you probably know, I wasn’t born in Polis. My mother did have her two pups, yes, but unlike most, she fell for the alpha who sired her pups and decided to leave the city with her. They returned to my sire’s village in _Trikru_. When my mother discovered I had nightblood, she panicked. She did not want me sent back to the city. The whole reason they left was so that they could start their lives together without the watchful eyes of the Order.”

Lexa wasn't sure what this had to do with Luna's relationship with Ezra, but some of this was news to her, so she waited patiently. 

“Of course, pups are pups, they get into trouble, and bumps and scrapes are inevitable. Long story short, I was discovered when I was five. My parents were executed for defying the laws of Ascension, and the Order brought me to Polis.”

Lexa shuttered. Stories about parents who hid their _natblida_ were always painful. There was never a good outcome.

“Unlike the pups who were raised there from birth, I was a bit of an outsider. I didn’t like being with the other _natblida_ , and the Order members scared me, so when I could, I would sneak around the Tower, trying to get into mischief, anything to distract me from being away from home.”

Luna turned her head to the side, and to Lexa’s surprise, she was hiding an infectious smile.

“I had been gone for just a little too long when the Order started looking for me. When they found me, I was hiding in the kitchens, trying to befriend a particular baker named Ceto.”

Lexa couldn’t help but smile at hearing that familiar name. 

“They were just about to yell at me when this blood haired boy came out of nowhere and stepped in between Maj and me. We had never spoken before, but the wiry six-year-old claimed it was his fault that I was missing my lessons. That he wanted to impress his new friend by showing her where to get the best sweets in all of Polis.”

Luna turned back to Lexa, “I had never seen this boy before, and when he got punished, I couldn’t understand why he would do such a thing like that for someone he had never met. So I went back to the kitchens and stole two sweet cakes." 

Luna shook her head as she said, "I remember begging Mela to take me to their quarters so I could give him the treat. He told me his name was Ezra and that he knew I lost my parents and that he lost his parents too.”

Luna used her free hand to wipe the fresh tears off of her face.

“After that day, we were inseparable. At least as much as we could be while I had my _natblida_ lessons and he went to school with the other red-blooded children of members of the Order. Even after I grew accustomed to living in Polis and began to thrive, he was always there waiting to pull his next prank on me, or we’d team up to pull one on Titus without him figuring out who did it.”

Luna chuckled to herself before she said, “I remember when you were old enough to leave the nursery and begin training with the other younglings. You were four years old. Ezra was a mess. He made me promise to watch over you, but honestly, you always felt like my little sister to me too. There was no way I’d let anything happen to you.”

It was nice to know that her fondness for Luna was mutual, even if she had to find out under such sad circumstances. 

Luna looked down at the table as she continued, “Things got complicated once both of us presented. All of a sudden,” Lexa felt her breath hitch as Luna looked back up at her.

“I wasn’t looking at my best friend anymore. We both wanted more. Even if it was just puppy love in the beginning. I would come back to my room that I shared with Poppi to find flowers on my bed. We used to giggle and try to guess who could have put them there. But I always knew who did.”

Luna took a moment to collect herself, and Lexa realized that most people had already left the dining hall to go about their duties, leaving them almost alone. She had been so far on the edge of her seat listening to Luna confess her relationship with Ezra that she lost track of how long they had been sitting there. Luna ran a hand through her gorgeous curls before she said, 

“I know you understand the unique disappointment of expecting to present one way only for you to present the other.”

Lexa nodded. 

Luna swallowed her bottom lip before she looked past Lexa. 

“But something about spending time with your brother made it easier for me to accept, at least at first.” 

Lexa had an idea of where this story was going, in part based on what she already knew, but also from knowing Luna and Ezra as people. Considering the way they were raised, she didn’t want to scare Luna away by making assumptions. 

“I know you weren’t trained with the omega _natblida_ , so you might not know everything that happens to them, to us. I’m not trying to guilt you for that, in fact, more than anything, I’m grateful that you didn’t have to go through what many of us did.”

“ _But_..”

“ _But,_ that last year, once an omega turns fifteen, is all about ensuring that the Order gets its two pups. You spend every waking moment learning how to seduce alphas, the best positions to ensure fertilization. Basically, anything and everything to prepare you for what happens when you turn sixteen.” 

Luna had closed her eyes and shivered before she continued. 

“I remember how the leather of the couch I was sitting on dug into my skin on my sixteenth birthday. I was about three days out from my next heat. That’s when they prefer to introduce you to the potential alphas with whom you can choose to spend your heat. You’re aroused enough to go along with the charade but your clear-headed enough not to jump the first alpha that comes in the room. I had to meet something like twelve different alphas that day. Some had already sired _natblida_ pups, but most were siblings of _natblida_. The oldest alpha was thirty-two, twice my age at the time,” Luna smiled bitterly.

“Most of them were very handsome, men, women, some didn’t identify as either. Some had callused hands, hoping to get their stipend after siring a pup with black blood before going back to their villages, while others had hands softer than mine.”

Lexa was fairly certain that some of them were the red-blooded children of members of the Order who didn’t want to serve their five years in the military. 

“All of them were polite. Whether that had to do with the threats over their heads about harming an omega _natblida_ or the guards standing in the room was impossible to tell. They all smelled differently from one another, despite the through-line of alpha arousal in response to my upcoming heat. Some of them even smelled decent. Some of them made me want to run out of the room.” 

Luna sighed, shifting her gaze down before bringing it back to Lexa’s eyes. She gave Lexa a small smile before she said,

“But my omega had already chosen someone. And no matter how many alphas the Order paraded in front of me, I could never spend a heat with any of them.”

Not wanting to sound insensitive, Lexa tried to keep her voice soft, “Luna, I don’t mean to be rude, but given Ezra’s known bloodline, did you ever consider asking the Order if you could spend your heats with him?”

Luna broadened her smile before she said, “Lexa, after seeing how the _natblida_ he loved were treated, could you ever see him forgoing his years of service as a warrior just to sire pups that would be taken away from him?” 

Lexa shook her head.

“Besides, any pup that would have come of it would have been made out of love, not duty. I would not have been able to give them up.” 

As if on cue, Lexa’s own pup moved around, and the thought of ever having to give him up filled her with fear. She nodded in understanding.

“Despite how much we loved each other, neither of us was willing to create pups to fulfill a duty that we never asked for. But that also made choosing another alpha an impossible choice.” 

Understanding Luna’s decision to leave that much more, she couldn’t help but ask, 

“Did my brother know you were planning to leave Polis?”

“No. The day I decided to run away, he found out that Anya was called to the front, and she wanted him to come with her."

Luna smiled, "He was so excited to finally get to make a name for himself outside the city. How could I tell him that we might not ever see each other again?”

Before Lexa could ask, Luna said, “I would never have asked him to come with me. That wouldn’t have been fair. If he left with me, he wouldn't have been allowed to come back. He had you to think about, and I did not want to put him in a position where he would have to choose between us. I already know I would have lost that fight.” 

Knowing that that was right before she was about to present, and all of Ezra’s ambitions to become a general in the _Trikru_ army went out the window shortly after that, all to protect her, Lexa could not help but feel a profound sadness at the life Ezra never got to live. Heartbroken, Lexa asked,

“Did you ever get to see each other again?”

Luna gave her a small smile before she said, “Once. It was three years after I left. One year after you Ascended. I had established enough of a base here that we could confidently call ourselves _Floukru._ You were able to stay the orders of the Ascension Council after I defied the laws of Ascension. Bucking the system runs in the family.”

The mischievous glint in her eye made Lexa laugh. But when Luna’s face morphed into a true smile, Lexa could tell her mind was elsewhere. As if she remembered that Lexa was still sitting there, she brought her attention back and said, 

“Ezra had spent over a week in rut, miserable and unchanged.”

Luna shook her head, a smirk on her face. 

“I don’t know how, but he found a way to come here.”

Lexa vaguely remembered a situation about three years ago, Ezra didn’t return to Polis after his rut when he should have. Coordinating his absences when she was still pretending to be an alpha was always a struggle. 

A blush crept up on Luna’s cheeks when she said, “We had done, other things in the past, but we were always careful. When I saw him again, I was so happy. We could finally be together without worrying about the Order’s consequences–”

“– _Nomon! Nomon!_ ”

A pup, about three years old, with a mop of curls, darker than Lexa’s but lighter than Luna’s natural color, ran from across the room and into Luna’s arms before she could finish her sentence. Lexa observed in surprise as the pup situated himself on her lap, facing Lexa with beautiful grey-green eyes that mirrored her own. 

An older omega with several other pups behind her came up to the table, apologetic and out of breath. 

“I’m so sorry. I was taking them all to the fish tanks for a lesson when he spotted you from across the room.”

The little boy tilted his chin up and looked at Luna while reaching for her chin with one of his tiny hands. But Luna looked anything but upset. She placed a matching olive-toned hand over the boy’s still on her chin before she brought his hand to her lips and kissed it several times until he giggled. 

Lexa could tell the moment the women recognized who she was because she bowed her head deferentially and said, 

“ _Heda_ , forgive me for not addressing you sooner.”

Lexa was still uncomfortable with being referred to by her old title. Not wanting to make a big deal about it, Lexa gave her nod before she said,

“It’s not a problem at all, and it’s just Lexa these days.”

“For now,” Luna gave her a smile from across the table. 

Lexa shook her head slightly and rolled her eyes before Luna kissed the boy on the head and guided him back down to his own two feet. He gave Luna a pout that made him look so much like Ezra that Lexa had to choke back a gasp. Luna combed through his hair with her fingers before she whispered something in his ear. He nodded before he wrapped his arms around her neck and gave her a big hug. After he let go, he looked back up at his caretaker and practically motioned for her to lead the way. Luna smiled at the woman before saying,

“ _Mochof,_ Tessa.”

The woman gave both of them a nod before shuffling all of the pups out of the dining hall. 

Lexa tracked the boy with her eyes until he left the room. 

“His name is Athan. After my sire, Athena.”

Lexa brought her attention back to Luna, “Did he know?”

Luna’s face sobered, “No.”

“Luna, he had a right to know. How could you keep Ezra from his son?”

Luna crossed her arms, “For the same reason I couldn’t tell him that I was leaving. I never wanted to put him in a position where he had to choose between his life in Polis and me.” 

Lexa shook her head, “But it wasn’t just you anymore. I know you didn’t want to put him in a position where he’d have to choose, but instead, you just chose him.”

“Lexa, you needed your brother. Even more than I could have imagined at the time. What would you have done if your brother wanted to leave to be with his son while you needed him to keep up the illusion that you were an alpha?”

Lexa looked down at the table, “Honestly, I don’t know. The point is, we might have figured something out if you had only given us a chance. Now Ezra’s dead, and here is one more thing I feel guilty for taking from him.”

“Oh, Lexa, no, no. You cannot blame yourself for everything that happened to Ezra. Your circumstances may have been unique, but you never forced Ezra to do anything he didn’t want to do. That much I am sure of.”

Luna reached out for one of Lexa’s hands, “Your brother adored you. I don’t doubt that he would have died a thousand times if it meant keeping you safe. And even if it meant staying by your side for the rest of his life, it would have been his choice.”

Lexa gave her a dark smile, “Funny you should put it like that, seeing as you chose to keep Athan from him.” 

Luna sighed, “You’re right. I did. And I will have to live with that decision for the rest of my life. That is my burden to bear, _not yours._ ”

Not entirely convinced, but not wanting to fight with Luna anymore, she gave her a tight nod, which Luna returned with a small smile. 

“The boy is happy?”

Luna’s smile grew, “The happiest, mischievous little pup you can imagine. I know that I have kept him from knowing his sire, but he has never been without love or wanted for anything.”

“Is he a _natblida_?”

Luna’s face sobered immediately, “You know I won’t answer that.”

“So, he is.”

Luna stared back at her, “ _Beja_ , he’s the only family I have.”

Lexa sighed, “You know that doesn’t matter. Just as you know the consequences of hiding a _natblida_ pup from the Order of the Flame better than anyone.”

For the first time, Luna looked genuinely frightened.

Lexa gave her a small smile, “It’s a good thing then that I am neither _Heda_ nor a member of the Order.”

Relief washed over Luna’s face, “Definitely a good thing.”

“If it’s alright with you, I’d like to get to know my nephew while I am here.”

Luna smiled, “Nothing would make me happier.”

Lexa stood up, stretching her aching limbs from sitting down for far too long. As soon as she relaxed, Luna wrapped her arms around her, and Lexa nearly cried at the newfound emotional intimacy between them. It wasn’t the same as being with her mate, not by a long shot. But for the first time in weeks, she didn’t feel nearly as alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone was wondering, Athan is pronounced like Nathan without the "n". Bonus points to anyone who knows what show I got the name from. 
> 
> I know I didn't go into too many details about the Luna/Ezra relationship, I think that's in part because both of them just found out that he was gone and also because Lexa is Ezra's sister and that might have been weird. But I am toying with the idea of doing a small one off in this series about their relationship. Let me know if anyone is interested. 
> 
> I'm really excited about Luna and teasing through her relationship with Lexa is something I am looking forward to fleshing out in the back third of this fic. 
> 
> As always guys, thank you so much for reading, please leave a comment if you have thoughts, theories (there are a number of things set up in this chapter hidden amongst the angst), or concerns.
> 
> -Biphi


	44. Wait For It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Murphy are on the struggle bus trying to figure out where the hell Floukru actually is. Later, Clarke gets acquainted with a certain omega whose name starts with an "L".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are the best, really, I don't think I could ask for better readers. You all care about these characters so much and it really shows. 
> 
> Without further ado, thank you and enjoy the chapter!

**Clarke**

When Clarke heard the sound of waves crashing against a shoreline, she almost cried. The forest crept almost right up to the beach, obstructing their view and making it impossible to gauge how far they had to go. While Lincoln’s map was detailed, it wasn’t drawn to scale. When she and Murphy figured out that _Floukru_ was where they needed to go, they had no idea how far away they actually were. 

That was seven days ago. Seven days of walking through the dark, convincing themselves that a copse of trees on the map was the same one that they just passed. It was strange. She and Murphy had gotten along really well during the past month. Something about knowing that their time relying on each other soon was coming to an end meant their conversations devolved into bickering and petty remarks at one another. Clarke didn’t think that they would last much longer.

Just when Clarke began to think Murphy was about to give up, she heard the hypnotic sound of water crashing on the sand. Murphy had the journal open to the map, the panther tooth behind one of his ears like a pencil. Clarke saw the recognition on his face before he ran past her towards the thinning trees in the direction of the water. Clarke shook her head and chuckled to herself as she followed him to the shoreline. 

Not entirely sure what type of settlement they were looking for, they walked along the shoreline for another thirty minutes before Clarke started to worry that they were in the wrong place. 

“Clarke, did Lincoln ever tell you where these grounders actually live?”

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, where the hell are they? We followed the map. Are they living underwater?” 

Clarke rolled her eyes. She understood why Murphy was frustrated. They had to make several stops each day for him to puke his guts out, and they had to retrace their steps more than once because of a wrong turn. Their nerves were frayed, and it was less than an hour before the sun would be peeking out on the horizon over the ocean. If they didn’t find what they were looking for soon, they would have to find a nearby bunker to hide in until it was dark again. 

After another ten minutes of walking, Clarke was about to call it and try again in the evening when she saw the stacks of rocks all forming a circle. With a renewed sense of excitement, they hustled over to it, only to realize that it was just a circle of rocks. Clarke heard a loud thump as Murphy threw the journal on the ground.

“This entire trip was a royal waste of time!”

Clarke was just as exasperated internally as Murphy, but she couldn’t afford to show it. 

Clarke went to reach out to him, “Murphy–”

“–No, don’t ‘Murphy’ me,” he smacked her hand away.

“We followed that damn book, and what did it get us? Nothing.”

Clarke would have tried to argue with him, but she was too tired. They both were. Clarke began rummaging through her coat when Murphy said, 

“Now, what are you looking for?”

“The bunker map, we have to take cover for the–”

“–No. No more bunkers, do you hear me? I’m done. I am not spending another night in a tight space with you. You reek. You smell of dirty alpha and desperation, and that’s half of the reason I am gagging every morning.” 

They both knew that last part wasn’t true, but Clarke decided to let it slide. She folded the map away and buttoned her pocket closed. Murphy was collecting leaves and bringing them to the center of the circle where there were scorch marks and ash. 

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? I am making a fire.”

Clarke pulled her pack off of her back before she walked over to him, “Murphy, that will just draw attention to us.”

“I don’t care, Clarke. It’s the middle of December, and it’s freezing. You want to hide somewhere underground by yourself, then that’s your call. But I am sick of running.”

Clarke put her thumb and forefinger on the bridge of her nose. Murphy was testing her patience, and he was coming dangerously close to going too far. But he was right about one thing, where the hell was Luna? After a month of traveling, this was supposed to be their breakthrough. Not another week of pointless bumbling through the Coalition. Clarke took a deep breath before she brought her hand down from her face. That’s when she saw Murphy going through her bag.

“Hey!”

Without looking up from her bag, Murphy said, “Calm down, Clarke. I’m just looking for the lighter.”

Clarke arched an eyebrow and crossed her arms, “you are telling me to calm down?”

Murphy brought his gaze up to her, “I said what I said.” 

Clarke rolled her eyes and shook her head before she pulled the lighter out of one of her coat pockets and handed it over to him. 

Before long, they had a roaring fire and were huddling next to each other in the cold morning. Clarke pulled out some dried meat, and they sat there in silence as they ate. The tension between them dissipated. 

_I guess we were just cold and hungry._

After another ten minutes of staring at the fire and the shore, Murphy took in a dramatic breath of air before he said,

“So what do we do now?” 

Clarke sighed, “Honestly? I have no idea.”

They sat in silence again before Murphy got restless and started breaking extra sticks he had collected for timber into smaller pieces. He started chucking them into the fire. Clarke resisted rolling her eyes. Murphy knew it annoyed her when he did that. He was just wasting materials she usually had collected. Seeing as he was the one who built the fire this time, she kept her mouth shut. 

Clarke got up from the log she was sitting on. She needed to look at the map one more time to see if she missed anything. As she bent down to pick up Lincoln’s journal, Murphy said,

“Woah. Hey Clarke, look at this!”

Clarke shook her head as she picked up the journal, now a little worse for wear. If they ever gave it back to Lincoln, she wasn’t sure how she’d explain its current condition. The pine rig that used to be around the panther tooth before Murphy put it behind his ear slipped out from the book before Clarke could catch it. 

“Clarke, watch this!”

Before Clarke picked up the piece of pine, she indulged Murphy. She crossed her arms with the journal still in her hands as Murphy started throwing branches of pine trees into the fire. As the needles burned, the fire grew and turned a brilliant emerald green for a few seconds. Clarke’s jaw hung open, and Murphy smiled,

“Pretty cool, right?”

Clarke closed her mouth before looking down at the ground, squinting in the dim light of twilight for the little ring of pine. When she found it, she held it up for Murphy to see as she said,

“Murphy, it’s a signal fire. That’s how we contact Luna. You did it!”

Clarke waited for a cocky remark from John. Instead, he ran back to the outer rim of the forest until he had armfuls of pine branches. Clarke couldn’t help the smile on her lips as he approached the fire,

“What? If it’s a signal fire, we need to make it as big as possible while it’s still dark enough for them to see it.” 

Clarke looked up at the sky. He had a point. If it got too bright outside, Luna or whoever was looking in their direction wouldn’t be able to see it. They would have to wait until it was dark to try again. She shuttered. They had already come too far. She had no intention of waiting for another day to pass. She walked over to Murphy and reached out for some of the branches to help him maintain the signal. _I’m coming for you, Lex._

###

They maintained the signal fire for several hours, well past the point when it would be visible to anyone from a distance. Eventually, Murphy fell asleep, and Clarke stopped tossing pine sprigs into the fire. She was resigned. They were too late. Clarke kept watch for most of the day, huddling near the fire in her winter coat.

Murphy woke up around midday and offered to take watch while she got a chance to sleep. She didn’t think she would have been able to fall asleep, given how stressful the past few hours had been. But as soon as she pulled her hood over her eyes to block out the sun, she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

###

“Clarke! Wake up! Clarke, someone’s coming, wake up!”

Clarke woke up disoriented. She wasn’t sure how long she had been asleep, but the sun had passed below the trees to the west. The sky was hues of purple and indigo with featherlike orange clouds. She must have been more exhausted than she thought. 

Finally, able to process Murphy’s warning, Clarke sat up abruptly, ignoring the kink in her back from sleeping on the ground. She looked all around them, not seeing anyone. Of course, that didn’t mean no one was there. She leaned closer to Murphy but still kept her eyes up as she whispered,

“What direction did the sound come from?”

Murphy was clutching a knife in his hand while he crouched down and away from the light of the fire. 

“I heard some splashing of the water before it went quiet.”

Clarke was about to follow up when six warriors appeared from all directions into the circle of rocks. They were all wearing what looked like modified wet suits. Some had crossbows while others had spears, all of their weapons pointed at Clarke and Murphy. Each of them wore snorkels and hoods on their heads, obstructing their faces. Clearly surrounded, nothing short of coercion would get them out of this one. But based on what the warriors were wearing, Clarke had a feeling that the only way they were finding _Floukru_ was by doing what they asked. 

Clarke put her hands up as she turned her head in Murphy’s direction without taking her eyes off of the warriors.

“Put down the knife, Murphy. We are surrounded.” 

Clarke spared a split-second glance at him. He hesitated before he dropped the knife and raised his arms. Warriors came behind them and tied their hands behind their backs. Someone put hands on her shoulders, forcing her down on her knees.

Someone must have given the ‘all clear’ that they were the only two hiding out there because one of the warriors stepped forward. He took off his snorkel mask and pulled down the hood of his wetsuit in a fluid motion. As he approached the light of the fire, there was something familiar about him that Clarke couldn’t quite put her finger on. 

The man had thick, wavy red hair that became gradually whiter on the sides, closer to his ears. His stare was so intense that it almost made it hard for Clarke to look him directly in the eye. When she did, she saw eyes that were such a deep blue that they looked violet. He had crinkles around his eyes that might have been endearing when he wanted them to be. His skin had a bronze sheen that could only have come from years of working outside. He had impressive cheekbones and a square jaw. His chin strap beard was precise and a brighter shade of red than the hair on his head. And he didn’t have a mustache. If Clarke had to guess, she would say he was in his forties. 

It was harder to appraise his height from where she was kneeling on the ground, but like most male alphas, he was over six feet tall. His chest was broad, and his arms were comparable to tree trunks. But as he took another step closer towards her, she realized that it wasn’t the way he looked exactly that made him familiar. It was the way he moved. Every step, every flick of his fingers was imbued with grace and a unique understanding of how his body was taking up space. It was almost like all of his movements were a choreographed dance. It was compelling to watch. 

He nodded to the person behind her, who put their hand underneath her armpit to haul her up to a standing position. She still had to tilt her head up to look him in the eye. She wasn’t trying to push out any threatening pheromones, just as she didn’t smell any from the party around them. But from the way his nostrils flared, he must have been appraising her scent as much as he seemed to be assessing how much of a threat she actually posed from the way she looked. _You have no idea._ Either that, or she really did smell bad. _Damnit, Murphy. You got in my head._

The alpha relaxed his weapon, but he made no signal for the others to do so. In a deep voice, the man said, 

“ _Chon yu bilaik? Hakom yu don flag raun?_ ” (Who are you? Why did you signal?)

“ _Ai laik Klark kom Skaikru. Ai gaf bilaik kom Luna._ ” (I am Clarke of the Sky people. I need to speak to Luna.)

In English, the man responded, “How do you know about Luna?”

“Lincoln told us about her. He is a friend. I have information that she needs to hear.”

His eyes narrowed as he studied her. Clarke tilted her head slightly to the side, more out of curiosity than deference. 

“I told you my name, what’s yours?”

In his low, velvet voice, he said, “My name is Lorcan.”

“Will you take us to _Floukru_?”

He looked up without moving his head before he brought his gaze back down, 

“That depends.”

If Clarke’s hands weren’t bound behind her, she would have crossed her arms.

“On what?”

Lorcan shifted his gaze to Murphy, who was still kneeling on the ground.

“Who is this omega you are traveling with?”

“This is John Murphy. Most people call him Murphy. He’s a trusted friend.”

Lorcan tilted his own head as he looked in between Clarke and Murphy.

“ _Just_ a friend.”

Lorcan straightened out, “Very well.”

He looked past them again and said, “ _Teik em gon nila, en lus ‘mo meika au_.” (Put her on her knees and free their hands.)

Clarke felt someone push her back down before the sound of cloth being ripped came with the release of her bound hands. She massaged her wrists while Lorcan turned to the warrior to his left,

“ _Flag floudon-de daun._ ” (Signal the Boat)

As the woman walked off with a thick branch lit like a torch, Lorcan pulled a leather container out from an airtight pocket of his wetsuit. It contained several vials of a hazy green liquid. He pulled one out and handed it to her before reaching for a second one to give to Murphy. Clarke rolled the vial in her hand as she stared at its contents. 

“What is that?”

“Safe passage.”

Murphy had a mistrusting look on his face, “What does that mean?”

“You don’t get to talk to Luna unless you drink it.”

Murphy’s eyes bugged out as he looked open-mouthed at Clarke. 

“ _Clarke._ ”

Clarke already had the stopper pulled out of the vial when she heard Murphy say,

“Let’s think about this. We don’t know what this will do to us.”

Clarke gave him one last look before she said, “I’ve come this far. I’m not giving up now.”

She downed the contents of the vial and stared at him expectantly. He scowled before he pulled out the stopper. By then, the corners of Clarke’s vision had already gotten hazy. 

She heard him say, “Bottom’s up,” before everything faded to black.

###

Clarke woke up face down in what looked like the inside of a metal storage unit. Murphy was sitting up with his back against the wall.

“Rise and shine, Princess.”

Clarke grunted as she sat up and tried to ignore Murphy’s last comment. She felt like she had woken up after one too many jars of Monty’s moonshine. Everything had a hazy sheen, even though the small cracks in the walls let in powerful beams of light. Even her thoughts felt muddled as she struggled to remember where she was and how she got there. More than anything, she wished she had some Tylenol to break the killer headache right between her eyes. 

Clarke put both hands over her eyes. It was like she was in a prison cell all over again. Except now she had a smart-assed Jiminy Cricket sitting next to her spelling out all of her regrets from the past twenty-four hours. 

Clarke brought her hands down, “I don’t understand. We did what they told us to do.”

“That’s right. We trusted people we don’t know with our lives.” 

Clarke sighed.

“I have no idea how I let you talk me into taking that potion with you.”

Clarke scanned the room and realized they didn't have bags. All of her weapons were gone. Even the ones that were really hard to find. If she was lucky, the next time someone opened the door to the unit, she could overtake them using coercion. That was if there wasn’t a large group of people congregated out there. She filed that away as a possible escape plan for later. 

The sound of a series of steps outside the metal unit perked both of them up. Clarke tensed into a crouch, unsure of how to prepare for who was beyond the door. The sound of a bolt unlocking preceded the door of the unit being pushed up. Clarke’s fingers twitched as she avoided putting her hand up to hide her eyes from the glare of the sun. 

A man and a woman, both unarmed, stood at the entrance of the storage unit. They were both bundled up in thick fur coats, but they didn’t appear to be wearing any armor. Both had spiral tattoos on their faces. The woman had a beaded necklace hanging from her neck. If they were supposed to be guards, they were the least prepared guards that she had ever seen. 

The woman broke the silence, “Are you, Clarke Griffin?” 

Clarke stood up from her crouch as Murphy said, “Don’t answer that.”

“Yes, I am.” 

Murphy’s scoff echoed throughout the unit. 

“Come with us.”

“Are we–I mean, is this _Floukru_?”

The man nodded, and Clarke followed him out of the unit. The woman closed the unit before Murphy could come out. A loud bang from inside had her worried until she heard Murphy yell,

“Hey, don’t just leave me in here! Clarke, don’t let them leave me in here!”

Clarke stopped moving. She wouldn’t participate in any games these people wanted her to play until she had an assurance of his safety. When the man realized that she stopped moving, he turned around and said,

“You can be assured of his safety. This is just a precaution.”

Clarke looked back at the unit, then at the man. She could smell no stress or deception in his scent. Impatient to find her mate, Clarke accepted his explanation and continued to follow him. 

Clarke took a look around as her feet reached a stable platform. She realized that they were on an old oil rig. The woman pushed her forward and through a door until they were inside. The man led them down a hallway until he knocked on the door. From inside the room, a female voice said, 

“ _Kom op raun._ ” (Come in.)

Clarke turned the doorknob and peered inside. The room was, like everything else, made out of metal. Several windows along the wall filled the room with light. It had a desk and two metal chairs, one on either side. Sitting in the chair behind the desk was a striking woman with a brown curly mane with streaks of auburn running through it. Her olive skin glowed in the sunlight creeping in through the windows. Her eyebrows were strong and expressive, even as the woman appeared stoic by all other measures. Below that were chocolate brown eyes and a straight nose framed by high cheekbones. By all definitions, the woman was beautiful. She was wearing a thick, fur-lined coat similar to the two people who led her from the unit. 

Clarke stepped into the room and took in a deep breath. The woman smelled of sandalwood, cedar, and figs. A mellow honeyed undertone hit Clarke in the back of her throat. Clarke got the impression that this was Luna. And if she was right, Luna was three, four days at the most, away from her heat. 

The woman Clarke assumed was Luna motioned for her to sit in the seat across from her. Not wanting to waste any more time, Clarke pulled out the chair and sat down. The woman put her elbows on the table and steepled her fingers as she watched Clarke adjust to the stiff plastic chair. 

“So, my scouting team said that you have some information for me?”

_Definitely Luna._ “Not exactly.”

Luna arched an eyebrow, “Not exactly?”

Clarke closed her eyes for a second. Her head was stuffed with cotton instead of brains after that damned potion. And something about this woman put her off balance. Clarke sighed before she opened her eyes and put both of her palms flat on the table. 

“I am here because I think you are protecting my mate.”

Luna entwined her fingers as she narrowed her eyes.

“Many people have worked very hard to keep this place safe. I don’t know who your mate is, but I can assure you, I won’t risk what we have built here to cause trouble.”

Clarke ground her teeth. Luna wiped her face of her suspicion, schooling her features, making it all but impossible for Clarke to read her. Even her scent remained frustratingly neutral. Clarke took another deep breath as she tried a different tactic.

“Let’s start over. My name is Clarke Griffin, I–”

“–I know who you claim to be, but I don’t know who you expect to find here.”

Clarke resisted the urge to look away as she considered her options. If Lexa never made it here, or if Luna had rejected them, she might not know that Clarke was her mate. Or she could be testing her. Or trying to get information out of her. She might be sympathetic to Clarke’s animosity towards the Order, but Clarke didn't have enough information yet to trust Luna. Still, she was alive. If Luna wanted to harm her, they wouldn’t be sitting together having a conversation. 

Clarke stared Luna directly in the eyes, “My mate is Lexa _kom Trikru_. I am pretty sure you know her.”

If Luna was surprised by that knowledge, she didn’t show it. She just let Clarke sweat out her decision to give away that information without the slightest hint that it would pay off.

“I did. A long time ago.” 

“Lexa told me that you were close, at least until you left.” 

Luna brought her fingers back up into a steeple. 

“That’s true, we were. I regret abandoning her in Polis, even if I don’t regret leaving.”

“Regret enough that if she showed up here, you would protect her?”

Luna tilted her head and looked upwards as if she was only considering this for the first time, “Possibly.”

If Clarke wasn’t so tired, she likely would have been able to control herself better. But her patience was razor-thin at this point, and Luna was toying with her.

Clarke’s left palm became as fist as she banged it on the desk.

“Look, I have spent the last five weeks tearing apart half of the bunkers in the Coalition looking for my pregnant mate. I don’t know what game you are trying to play with me, but if she is here,” Clarke brought her hand over her mouth as she tried to suppress a sob.

“If she is here, _please_ , just please, take me to her.” 

Luna crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair for the first time since Clarke walked into the room. 

“Before I answer your question, I need you to tell me something.” 

Exasperated but too tired to put up a fight, Clarke leaned forward until her elbow was on the desk. She gripped her temple with her pointer and middle fingers while her thumb wrapped around her jaw. A part of her right visual field went blurry, so she blinked a few times before it cleared up. Luna only looked mildly concerned, and that was being generous. 

“How did you find the stones and know to make the signal?”

Clarke brought her hand down from her face and sat up straight. 

“We found Lincoln’s journal in one of the bunkers we searched about a week ago. It took some trial and error, but once we realized that Lincoln kept a sprig of pine in there for a reason, we figured out what we had to do.” 

A slight smirk pulled at Luna’s lips as she said, “Lexa was hoping you would find that journal.”

_Lexa was here._ She had been right. All of the sacrifices she had to make, the humanity she had to give up getting to this moment, brought her back to her mate. She didn’t realize how hard it had been to breathe these past few weeks until the tightness in her chest unwound itself. 

Luna gave her an apologetic smile, “I’m sorry, Clarke. I wasn’t trying to torture you. Although I admit it was amusing to watch you squirm.”

_Was that a wink?_ Clarke convinced herself she’d imagined it. 

“I had to be sure you weren’t an Order spy. For all we know, they found out who Lexa’s mate was and sent spies matching your description throughout the Coalition to search for her. I didn’t want to take that chance.” 

Clarke wiped happy tears from her cheeks as she croaked, “ _She’s here_?”

“Your mate has been here for the past few weeks.”

Clarke nodded as she imagined Lexa hauling across the Coalition. She shook her head as she tried to think through her hazy fog from the past twenty-four hours. Thankfully, adrenaline wiped away some of the cobwebs. Knots of a new nature took hold of her stomach. Her heart fluttered, and blood whooshed past her ears. After everything she had done to get here, she never thought she’d be nervous. 

“And she’s safe? The pup, oh my god, the pup, he’s okay?”

Luna’s smile faltered a little, and Clarke’s breath hitched.

“It hasn’t been easy for her. But they are both safe. And as far as I know, your son has been kicking the crap out of her at night. Lexa thinks he misses hearing your voice.”

Clarke let out a shaky laugh as she ran a hand through her tangled hair. 

“Does she know that I am here?”

Luna shook her head, “If you didn’t turn out to be who you said you were, I didn’t want Lexa working through that kind of disappointment. When you are getting cleaned up, I will tell her personally.”

“Wait, why can’t I just go see her now?”

Luna’s eyebrows raised, “Clarke, you are filthy. You and that omega boy look like you haven’t seen the inside of a bath in over a decade.” 

Clarke smelled the inside of her shirt through her coat and nearly passed out from the smell. 

“To her, it won’t matter what state you are in. All she’s going to want to do is touch you all over. And I can’t in good conscience let that happen until the five layers of dirt and alpha funk are washed off of your skin. I promise you will thank me later.” 

Clarke rolled her eyes, but she grumbled her agreement to Luna’s terms so long as she got to see Lexa soon. 

“Good. Last thing before we go.”

Clarke did everything in her power not to scowl at Luna. 

“That boy you brought with you, who is he?”

Clarke looked down at the desk, caught off guard after Luna so swiftly shifted gears from playful taunting to the serious interrogator. Worried that her silence would be perceived to mean something it didn’t, Clarke told the truth.

“I rescued him, from Ontari. He’s part of my clan. But his story is his own.” 

Luna narrowed her eyes as she held Clarke’s gaze. She undoubtedly had questions. Hell, even after five weeks with Murphy, she still didn’t know the full story. But that didn’t mean that she would tell Luna everything. It wasn’t fair to expose him like that. If Luna wanted to know more, she could ask Murphy himself. Clarke resisted the urge to smirk. The image of the two of them in a room together would be quite the showdown. 

“He won’t cause any trouble,” realizing that that was a promise Clarke couldn’t make, she amended, “and if he does, I’ll straighten him out.”

Without asking any other questions, Luna nodded before she said, “I will make sure he is taken care of.” 

Luna stood up and walked towards the door, “Now, how about you wash the stink off so that you can go see your girl.”

Clarke almost tripped she jumped out of her chair so quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay, I know some of you guys are going to be disappointed that we didn't get to the Clexa reunion this chapter. But if over 215,000 words can tell you anything, I really, really don't like cutting corners. At least not with my writing.
> 
> I had fun writing my version of the scene where Clarke and the gang figure out how to signal to Floukru that they are at the rocks. For those of you that never continued watching after 3x07 (completely understandable, this is a scene from episode 3x13. In that version, Murphy isn't there while most of Clarke's gang is. 
> 
> All of which is to say, the path to Floukru is not intuitive, and it would have felt disingenuous to skirt over that. 
> 
> There was no way that I was just going to tack on a quick scene of Lexa and Clarke seeing each other at the end here. But don't worry, they will be in each other's arms in Chapter 45. 
> 
> As always guys, thank you so much for reading, I love reading your thoughts, ideas, and theories in the comments, please hmu 
> 
> -Biphi


	45. At Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke get reacquainted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here is the reunion you all have been asking for, I truly hope it's meets expectations after so much build up.
> 
> A couple of things:  
> 1) Holy crap! This fic has over 2000 kudos! What?! Honestly guys, I am so grateful to all of you who have chosen to go on this ride with me, it really adds meaning to life in a unique way.  
> 2)This chapter by the end is NSFW. Don't be fooled by the innocent beginning of this chapter. 
> 
> Without further ado, enjoy the chapter!

**Lexa**

_“A long way out in the deep blue sea there lived a fish. Not just an ordinary fish, but the most beautiful fish in the entire ocean. His scales were every shade of blue and green and purple, with sparkling silver scales among them.”_

Lexa showed Athan the picture on the opposite page after reading the first words from today’s story. After the first time she met him in the dining hall, Lexa couldn’t stay away for very long. Knowing that he was a part of her brother, even if Ezra didn’t know about him, Lexa made it her mission to get to know the pup for the both of them. With Luna’s permission, Lexa found the classroom where children under six spent most of their day and offered to read Athan a story. The first couple of days, Athan insisted that they read _The Very Hungry Caterpillar_ each time. On the fifth day, Lexa offered to pick the book for the day, and with a little persistence, they agreed that they would switch off who got to pick the book. Athan still picked his favorite Eric Carle book, but at least Lexa got to introduce some variety. They had only just started _The Rainbow Fish_ , but Lexa could already tell that Athan was hooked.

Athan was curled into her side while she sat with her legs crossed and back against the wall. The first time she sat down to read with him, he gave her the most adorable look of confusion when he tried to get into her lap. Before she could warn him, he faced away from her and attempted to sit in the basket made by her legs, but instead, he ran into her belly before being able to settle in. Not sure of what got in the way, Athan looked at Lexa and then the bump blocking his seat. Arms crossed, Athan chewed his lip like he wanted to ask her what the deal was. 

“Why no sitting there,” Athan uncrossed his arms to point at Lexa’s partially occupied lap.

Lexa did her best not to smile as she put a hand on her belly, “Sorry Athan, I know you like to sit in your _nomon’s_ lap, but another pup’s taking your spot right now.” 

Athan looked around, “I don’t see pup.”

Lexa patted her belly, “He’s in here.”

Athan’s eyes bugged, and if Lexa wasn’t already in love with her nephew before this, she definitely was now. 

Suddenly he looked concerned, “You ate him?”

Lexa busted out laughing, “No, honey. He hasn’t been born yet.”

Now he really looked confused. Lexa sighed, realizing that she really didn’t want to be the person to explain to him how pups were brought into the world, she changed tactics.

“Do you want to feel him?”

The confusion melted from Athan’s face as he nodded. Lexa reached for his hand and slowly brought it under her rib where the pup had been focusing his kicks. After the first kick, Athan laughed, and it sounded so much like Ezra’s laugh before his voice deepened that Lexa had to look away so that Athan couldn’t see that she was crying. 

When Lexa got ahold of herself, she looked down and saw that Athan had curled up next to her and put his ear against her belly. That was usually how he would sit when they read stories together from then on. Athan would always insist that the pup also got to see the pictures before Lexa flipped to the next page, something that Lexa would never get over how cute it was. 

Lexa was just about to read the next page when Luna stepped into the room. Luna's lips almost formed a smile. When Athan saw Luna, he stood up and ran to his mom until his arms were around his legs. Luna’s face broke out into a real smile as she picked up her son.

“ _Ai strikon.”_ (My little one)

Athan kissed her before Luna put him down. She crouched down to his eye level before she said, 

“Baby, I need to talk to Auntie Lexa for a little while. Can you go play with your friends?”

Athan pouted at Luna, but she just kept her expression firm until he relented with a nod and ran off to find his friend Zac. Lexa couldn’t help but smile as Luna shook her head.

“That boy is going to be the death of me.” 

Lexa laughed, “I think he’s amazing.”

“Just wait until your pup has you wrapped around his little finger, and then we can talk.”

Lexa looked down at her bump, “I think he already does.”

Luna gave her a small smile, “I have some news that I think you’ll want to hear.” 

Not ready to move just yet, knowing it would be a production, Lexa said, “well, let’s hear it.”

Luna looked around the room, “I don’t think this is the place. I think we should be in private when I tell you.”

When Lexa saw how serious Luna’s face had become, she nodded soberly. She put one hand on her belly and the other in the hand that Luna offered to help her up. It was getting harder and harder to do that these days. After taking a moment to steady herself, Lexa thanked Luna for the help, and they left the young pups with Tessa. Before long, Lexa realized that they were heading towards her quarters. 

Lexa’s quarters on the rig were not big, but they did have electricity, a luxury she hated to admit that she was becoming increasingly used to. Lexa knew that before she left if she ever made it back to Polis, she would have to ask Lorcan to install some of these solar panels in the Tower. Aside from the bright lights in the ceiling, she had a window looking out at the ocean, a desk, a closet, and a full-sized bed with warm furs. Although, she didn’t need the furs as much as she would have thought. Lorcan tried to explain to her once how the heating worked in the building, but none of the words really made sense. 

As soon as they reached her quarters, Lexa sat on the bed while Luna took the chair out from the desk. Their walk from the classroom to her quarters only gave her time to think of all of the bad news Luna could tell her this time. Lexa did her best to sit still while she waited for Luna to spit it out. Luna was chewing on her cheek, a habit the Order used to chastise her for, but one that Lexa found endearing all these years later. But not today. Today it just felt like Luna didn’t know how the hell to tell her who died this time. 

Just as Lexa was about to tell her to get on with it, Luna took in a deep breath and said,

“I didn’t tell you right away when they showed up, because if it turned out they were Order spies, I knew the devastation at possibly seeing her again, only to have it ripped away would have been ten times as painful than if you never knew someone was here at all.”

Now Lexa was really nervous. She had spent the past ten minutes convinced that someone had died, and now Luna was telling her that someone was here. 

“Luna, what are you talking about?”

Luna looked down at her hands before she entwined her fingers. 

“Your mate, Clarke, sent out the signal early in the morning yesterday. Lorcan and his team brought her in late last night.”

When Luna brought her gaze back up to Lexa, her face softened.

“I spoke to her this morning. It turns out she’s spent the last five weeks looking for you.”

Lexa just stared at Luna with her jaw open. _Clarke. Clarke was here._ They were in the same place. After everything she did to her, Clarke still went to all of the trouble to find her. Lexa felt her heart rate pick up dramatically. Her vision sharpened, and the sounds of the rig seemed to come from everywhere.

“Clarke is here?”

“Yes.”

Lexa shuffled on to her feet, “Where is she? I want to see her.”

Luna stood up and put her hands on Lexa’s shoulders, “ _hon daun a seken._ ” (Take a second)

Lexa still felt the adrenaline pumping through her veins, making it hard to heed Luna’s words. On top of that, her omega was screaming at her to find her alpha. But Luna’s grip on her shoulders wasn’t gentle. She wasn’t giving Lexa the leeway to move around her. Realizing that the only way she got what she wanted was to listen to Luna, she nodded. After a couple of deep breaths, Luna said,

“I have her in the shower,” Lexa opened her mouth to say something about the ridiculousness of that request when Luna said, “trust me, she needed it.”

“As soon as she is done, I am going to bring her here. And I promise the two of you will get your space alone.”

Lexa hated to admit it, but Luna definitely thought all of this out. 

“There’s something you should know. She came here with an omega boy from _Skaikru_. Apparently, he was the omega Ontari had chained up. I didn’t prod any further, but I think it confirms our suspicions about who killed _Azegeda natblida._ ”

Lexa swallowed her lips before she looked away. She wasn’t surprised. She had been living with the news that Ontari was dead for a little over a month. If anything, it all but confirmed the truth about her brother’s death. There was no way to grieve her brother’s death in a month. It was too big of an ask. But she had been preparing for the inevitability that Clarke was the one to mercifully put an end to his life. She knew Clarke would want to tell her what happened. But Lexa wasn’t looking forward to hearing it. 

Eventually, a knock on the door brought their attention back. One of the guards told Luna that Clarke was finished getting cleaned up and was waiting for her. Luna turned back towards Lexa to hug her, stroking the back of her hair,

“ _Ething na na ait.”_ (Everything will be alright.)

Lexa nodded into Luna’s shoulder before Luna broke off the hug and left her alone. 

When her eyes began to hurt from staring at the door too intensely, Lexa walked over to the window. Similarly, to the top of the rig, all Lexa could see for miles was the ocean. It was beginning to feel stifling. Before Lexa could turn away, there was a soft noise behind her as the door clicked open. 

As soon as she turned around, Lexa’s breath hitched. Standing in front of her with damp hair and eyes, the clearest blue was the love of her life. All of her worries seemed to melt away as they collided. Lexa hadn’t realized how touch starved she had been over the past six weeks until she felt Clarke’s arms wrapped protectively around her body. They fit differently together now that her belly was so much bigger. But that didn’t matter. Nothing mattered other than how everywhere Clarke was touching her ignited. 

When just being in her arms was not enough, Lexa pulled back so that she could kiss Clarke’s soft, pink lips. The kiss was deep, and Clarke allowed Lexa’s tongue into her mouth without resistance. Lexa wanted Clarke everywhere and anywhere she could mark her body. 

Coming up for air, she broke off the kiss only for a moment. She hadn’t realized that she had been crying until she felt Clarke kiss the tears off of her cheeks. Something about the tender act made Lexa’s cheeks heat up. Clarke brought her lips against Lexa’s ear as she whispered,

“Oh, how I missed you, my love.”

Lexa smiled as she leaned her head against Clarke's, drawn into her gravitational pull. Clarke mouthed wet kisses along her jaw and down her neck that left her breathless. 

“I thought…we agreed,” a moan slipped out of her lips as Clarke’s mouth inched closer and closer to her scent gland. 

“That you wouldn’t go looking for me,” Lexa had to slur out those last few words, drunk on the powerful pheromones surrounding them. 

In between kisses and sucking on her scent gland, Clarke said, “I distinctly remember being put to sleep before I agreed to such promises.” 

Lexa would have been embarrassed by the sinful moan that escaped her mouth as Clarke brought the scent gland between her teeth. They stayed like that for a minute or two before Clarke slowly released her and unwound her arms enough to glance down at what was between them. 

Lexa felt warm, steady hands crawl underneath her shirt to touch her bare skin. As soon as Clarke entered the room, their pup had been going crazy, kicking all over the place. Clarke brought her head closer until their foreheads were touching. Fresh tears trailed down both of their cheeks as Clarke whispered,

“Oh my god, he’s gotten so big since I last saw you.” 

“You should see me trying to get up from the ground, it’s already becoming a miracle that I can get to my feet at all,” Lexa joked. 

Clarke stroked her stomach affectionately, “You are amazing, you and this volleyball sized bump strapped to your waist.”

Lexa giggled even though she didn’t know what a volleyball was. 

Clarke brought her hands up to either side of her face.

“I missed you so much. I couldn’t stay away from you any longer. The things I had to do–”

Clarke choked up before she looked away. Lexa put her hands in Clarke’s wet hair as she brought her mate back into a kiss. Clarke was hesitant to reciprocate this time, but Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke’s shoulders to keep the distance between them down to a minimum. 

When Clarke broke off the kiss and began to speak, Lexa whispered, “shhh, we don’t have to talk about any of that right now. Let’s just be here, in this moment.” 

Clarke nodded, and began to stroke up Lexa’s ribs down to her hips, leaving trails of fire in her wake. It made it hard for Lexa to focus on anything else. When Lexa started kissing away Clarke’s tears still streaming down her face, Clarke stopped moving. Lexa pulled back enough to see the true sorrow in her mate’s eyes, and slowly she unwound herself from her mate. Clarke entwined their hands and said, 

“I’m sorry, Lexa. But I can’t do this, not now. Not until I tell you the things I have done.”

Lexa wanted more than anything to tell Clarke that it was okay, that she already knew what happened in Polis. That even if she hadn’t gotten over her brother’s death, that she had forgiven Clarke for any part she played in it. That all of their struggles would be there for them tomorrow, and if they just focused on each other for the moment, they could keep all of the pain away. Keep it out of this room. 

Deep purple rings left ghoulish shadows under Clarke’s eyes. She was thinner than Lexa had ever seen her. Her line in between her eyebrows, her telltale sign, was on full display. But it was her eyes, haunted and lonely, that made Lexa really understand the agony that her love had been through. She knew there was no getting out of this conversation, no matter how much she wanted to run away from it. 

Eventually, Lexa nodded and led Clarke to her bed. Lexa sat in the middle of the bed and crossed her legs. Clarke mirrored her position, so close that their knees touched. Lexa reached out for both of Clarke’s hands as she waited for Clarke to say what she needed to get off her chest. 

When Clarke didn’t talk right away, Lexa brought a tentative hand up to her cheek to wipe her tears away. Clarke leaned into her hand and closed her eyes. Lexa whispered, 

“Remember, _ai niron_ , I will always love you. No matter what you did. We will get through this together.”

Clarke opened her eyes slowly and whimpered, “I am not sure we can, not after what I’ve done.” 

Lexa moved her hand from the side of Clarke’s face to under her chin. 

“I know that whatever you did, it was because you thought it was the best outcome for the most people.” 

Clarke gave her a small nod, and Lexa brought her hand back down to their laps. 

And then she waited. 

Clarke closed her eyes before she took a deep breath. When she opened them, Lexa saw nothing but resolve. A part of her heart melted as she fell hopelessly in love with Clarke all over again. 

Clarke’s eyes were staring past her as she shook her head.

“After you left, the city was in chaos.”

Clarke shifted her gaze back to Lexa, and it made her blood run cold.

“Ragnar ordered so many _gonas_ (warriors) into the city. He said it was to protect the people and to keep them safe. It was suffocating.”

Sensing where this story might go, Lexa felt the hairs stand up on her neck.

“As soon as I found out that Ragnar had Ezra arrested, I went to see him. And before you say something about how that was risky, that I could have endangered my position, I had to do it.”

Lexa remained quiet.

Clarke looked away, bringing a hand to cover her face. Her sob made Lexa’s omega ache, knowing that there was nothing she could say that could soothe her mate’s soul. All she could do was rub the back of Clarke’s hand that was still entwined in hers and push out as much soothing pheromone as she could muster. 

“The way they treated him,” Clarke’s voice was low and pitchy at the same time. Lexa felt her own tears streaming down her face. 

“Lex, they tore out his scent glands.”

Lexa’s breath hitched in her throat. She figured they must have tortured him, but for him to have undergone such an indignity filled her with shame and guilt at abandoning him. 

Clarke looked back at her, “It was awful. And when Ontari won the Conclave, I had to do something. She was going to undo everything you worked for. _Skaikru_ wasn’t safe. I know you told me to lay low while I was there, but how could I do that when the whole Coalition was going up in smoke?” 

Lexa recovered enough to say, “I understand. You did what you had to do. The entire Coalition owes you a great debt.”

“Wait, that’s not the whole story.”

Dreading what she was about to say next, Lexa did her best to steel herself before she nodded.

“Ezra made me promise him that I would see him one more time before I left Polis.” 

Clarke closed her eyes, but she squeezed Lexa’s hand before she said, “He told me they were going to execute him the next day. When he asked me to help him, as I did for, F–Fin, I said no.”

Clarke opened her eyes and shuttered.

“But he kept insisting that there was nothing else that I could do for him. That either I did it, or the Order would do it. And knowing how terribly they already treated him, I knew it would have been horrible, and he would have died alone. So I did what he asked.”

Clarke released their hands to wrap her arms around herself. 

“I am so sorry, Lexa. I don’t know how you will be able to forgive me.”

Lexa brought Clarke into her arms and rocked her back and forth as she stroked Clarke’s hair.

When Clarke’s sobs began to abate, Lexa put enough distance between them so that Clarke could see her face,

“I need you to listen to me. I want you to know that I forgive you, wholly and unconditionally. That I love you and that nothing will come between us. You are right it’s going to take me a long time to get over my brother’s death. But I have known about Ezra’s death for a while now, ever since Luna’s representative returned from Polis. Even if I didn’t know whose blade he ultimately fell on for sure, I knew that the list of people who are strong enough to carry out such a merciful act but cared enough to give him final rights was short.”

Clarke shook her head, “How can you forgive me so easily?”

Lexa gave her a small smile, “Because his death wasn’t just yours to bear. I should have fought for him harder. It’s my fault just as much as it is yours. And if we are honest, it’s Ragnar’s fault. And I can promise you this. When we win back the city, he will be punished for his treason.”

Clarke just stared at her slack-jawed. Lexa kissed her forehead and nose before she said, “What are you thinking, my love?”

Eyes shining with fresh tears and love all around them, Clarke said, “How I don’t deserve you or your love.” 

Lexa brought a hand behind Clarke’s neck before bringing her forward and kissing her deeply.

“That’s where you’re wrong. It is I who doesn’t deserve you.” 

Lexa could tell Clarke was about to argue, so she leaned forward until her lips were by Clarke’s ear and whispered, “Clarke, my love, for the first time in ages, we are finally both safe. We have all of the time in the world to process our shared trauma. And we will together.”

One of Lexa’s hands inched up Clarke’s thigh covered in woolen pants.

“But for right now, if my alpha doesn’t take care of me, I think I am going to explode.” 

Clarke’s breath hitched, but for an entirely different reason than before. Lexa felt Clarke lightly bring her head back to the center. Clarke was staring at her intently before she said, 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to rush into things if you aren’t–”

Lexa deliberately brought her hand down to Clarke’s crotch, pleased that her alpha’s clit had already begun to extend.

“Trust me, I’m sure.” 

When Clarke still looked hesitant, Lexa pulled her hand away and sat back down on the bed.

“That is if you’re ready. I don’t mean to push you into something–”

Lexa felt all of the arousal pheromones around her and knew that they weren’t entirely her own, not by a long shot. Still, she needed to hear the words from Clarke that she was ready. Lexa felt her heart rate skyrocket as Clarke’s pupils dilated and her nostrils flared. Clarke’s entire posture morphed her into the predator that made Lexa’s small clothes soak through her pants. 

“Believe me, I am ready. _So, so ready_.”

Lexa did her best to look seductive, instead of a feral animal panting for her mate’s dick. If she had Clarke’s reaction to go off, she must have done something right because Clarke threw off her shirt and had her chest wrap on the floor in no time. 

Lexa couldn’t help but stare at Clarke’s beautiful, shapely breasts, with gorgeous, rosy nipples, pebbled and hard, waiting for her. Clarke gave her a genuine smile as she struggled not to lick her chops at the sight of her perfect mate. She reached out to touch one of Clarke’s breasts, but Clarke kneeled, bringing her chest further away.

Lexa pouted, but when Clarke put her hands on the laces of her trousers, all of Lexa's attention was brought down to the now impressive tent pitched at the front of Clarke's pants. Clarke let out a wolfish chuckle that brought shivers down Lexa’s spine and a flood in her small clothes. She hadn’t realized how sexually frustrated she truly had been over the last six weeks until she realized how eager her body was at being reunited with her partner. 

Clarke took her pants and small clothes off in one fluid motion, and Lexa almost cried when she saw Clarke’s beautiful broad penis staring back at her. The appendage was just as perfect as she remembered it. Just as long, just as girthy, with just the right amount of pearlescent precum leaking out of the top to make her lick her lips in anticipation. 

Clarke leaned forward and stole her lips in a kiss that took her breath away. Lexa allowed Clarke’s tongue into her mouth without resistance. She moaned into the kiss, closing her eyes and allowing herself to be carried away in the safety of her alpha’s embrace. 

Clarke broke off the kiss to whisper in her ear, “Nothing would give me greater satisfaction than to show you how grateful I am for your love.”

Lexa groaned after hearing those words. It was as if a switch went off in Clarke’s brain, and Lexa had trouble resisting the urge to pant as she smelled the rich alpha musk all around her. But it wasn’t just arousal. There were protective pheromones too. The kind that made Lexa’s omega preen at being so well taken care of. 

Clarke had her fingers underneath Lexa’s shirt. Her hands were everywhere. Lightly brushing against Lexa’s breasts, along the ridges of her spine, caressing her belly. Clarke hadn’t gotten close to the source of her rippling heat, and yet Lexa felt intoxicated by the stimulation. 

In a voice that was barely recognizable as Clarke’s, it was so low, she heard, “I am going to make you feel so good, you are never going to want to leave this bed.”

Lexa felt her eyes go to the back of her head as she submitted to Clarke’s words. 

When Lexa felt herself come back to Earth, she raised her arms, and Clarke lifted her shirt off. Before they went any farther, Clarke crouched back on her heels. Fresh tears in Clarke’s eyes confused her at first until she realized why. Clarke wasn't crying out of sadness but reverence.

Clarke took her eyes off of her protruding bump and looked back up at Lexa’s eyes,

“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” 

Lexa blushed at Clarke’s words, “You’re just saying that because I’m your mate, and this is your pup that I’m carrying.” 

Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed, and she shook her head, “No, you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” 

Clarke leaned forward again to chastely kiss her on the lips.

“And if I have to tell you that every day for the next fifteen weeks, and then the rest of our lives, I will.” 

Clarke brought her lips down to the top of her belly, and Lexa almost passed out from how deeply in love she was with Clarke. Lucky for her, she was far too aroused for that. She would not eat or sleep until she had multiple orgasms on this bed. 

To move the process along, Lexa unwound her chest wrap, smirking at Clarke’s reaction to how her breasts had changed since the last time she had seen them. They were still sensitive, so Clarke was going to have to make do with looking and light touches for now, but Clarke was eager to please, finding other places to suck hard, like her neck and scent glands. 

Once Clarke helped Lexa out of her pants, she pulled her ruined small clothes off. They both stared at each other, naked, vulnerable, and completely at home with one another. 

After staring hungrily at each other for long enough, Clarke laid down on her back. When she motioned Lexa forward, Lexa felt nervous anticipation at what Clarke was about to do to her. As soon as her thighs were on either side of Clarke’s face, Lexa gripped the metal bed frame with her hands to steady herself. 

A high-pitched whine escaped her throat when Clarke’s tongue licked in between her folds. It felt so good to have Clarke feeling out her body again. All of the tension that had been building up since she left Polis was slowly easing apart with her mate’s touch. 

When Clarke finally sucked on her clit, Lexa had to bury her fist in her mouth to keep from screaming. If she wasn’t careful, she would have come undone completely right then and there. Lexa took a deep breath and tried to focus. But it was no use. Clarke knew exactly what to do to drive her crazy. She knew how fast and how slow to go to wind her up and bring her down. 

After spending a couple of minutes thoroughly ravishing her clit, Clarke brought her attention down further. When she licked at Lexa’s entrance, Lexa let out a guttural moan. She couldn’t help the flood of release that likely fell all over Clarke’s chin. All she could hear was enthusiastic slurping before she used her pelvic floor muscles to contract around a hot tongue. 

As Lexa began to thrust her hips and ride Clarke’s face, she felt a hand sneak over her thigh to find her clit. It wasn’t long before an overwhelming feeling of electricity spread in waves all over her body caught up with her. If it wasn’t Clarke that had her spread like this, she might have been embarrassed by how much arousal her body expressed during her orgasm. But she knew Clarke would only see this as a demonstration of her ability to pleasure her omega. So she basked in the aftershocks of her orgasm, unapologetic for how good her alpha made her feel.

It went on like this for what felt like hours but was probably closer to thirty minutes. Clarke would alternate between using her tongue to give attention to her pussy and her clit. Lexa managed to have another three orgasms this way until she started to worry that Clarke might have drowned.

Slowly, with the help of the metal bed frame, Lexa crawled off of Clarke’s face and sat next to Clarke. The smug look on Clarke’s face would have prompted Lexa to throw a pillow at her had she not just experienced some of the best orgasms of her life. Clarke’s lips looked wrinkly as if she had been underwater for far too long. When Lexa realized why she couldn’t help but blush. Her shyness evaporated when she watched Clarke lick her arousal off her chin.

The image of her alpha savoring her taste awoke fresh arousal within her, but not for Clarke’s tongue, as wonderful as that was. Lexa brought her lips down to Clarke’s, tasting herself on Clarke’s tongue. With their lips still together, Lexa managed to straddle her mate. The mischievous look reflected in Clarke’s eyes told Lexa she made the right decision. Clarke began rubbing down her sides and across her belly. It almost put Lexa in a trance to feel so loved and revered. The pup had long since settled down, content that his mother and sire had reunited. But there was no escaping the growing pup in between them, not anymore. While it might limit the positions they could be in, from the way Clarke looked at her, Lexa wasn't worried that she had any complaints. 

Lexa felt for Clarke’s dick with hands, poking in between her ass cheeks. It was almost painfully hard, and she knew that she could never leave Clarke so unattended. After a couple of slow, deliberate strokes, Clarke had already begun to moan in pleasure.

Not wanting to waste any more time apart, Lexa lifted herself and scooted backward until she was lined up with Clarke. When she held her alpha’s gaze, all she saw was pupil as Clarke watched each of her movements intensely. Her fingers were gripping the sheets on both sides of their bodies. Lexa had her left hand on Clarke’s defined abs while her right was directing Clarke’s penis inside.

Slowly, Lexa lowered herself down until the wide head popped inside. Both of them released a loud sigh at the contact. Lexa’s eyes practically crossed at the feeling of being spread apart, of being penetrated so thoroughly. She could have stayed like this for hours until she heard a grumble below her. She could tell Clarke tried to be as patient as she could, but from the way her dick was twitching inside of her and the tension in Clarke’s shoulders, Lexa knew it was taking a lot of effort to keep from thrusting upwards.

Deciding to reward her alpha for all of her hard work earlier, Lexa let herself fall until she took Clarke to the hilt. Clarke’s initial look of surprise quickly changed to one of bliss, and Lexa completely understood why. While she probably should have taken multiple strokes before she took Clarke all the way in, her omega sang with relief at being so close to Clarke. They were finally together the way they were supposed to be. Short of a knot, which wouldn’t happen again until Clarke’s next rut. But for now, this was exactly what they needed to reacquaint themselves with one another.

Lexa brought her hips forward instead of up, finding it was easier to move that way this late in the pregnancy. Clarke offered her hips to aid in creating as much friction as possible, given how wet both of them already were. Lexa could have cried, it felt so good. They alternated between a slow and moderate pace, both a little too drained from all that had happened already to go full out in an unrelenting rut.

Soon, Lexa felt her walls contract from her opening all the way up to her cervix repeatedly until her contractions began to feel random. When her orgasm hit her all at once, she cried out. She didn’t realize that there were actual tears on her cheeks until she saw one spill down from her face. The feeling of being with her mate again was just too overwhelming, in the best way. As she rode her aftershocks, she felt Clarke’s thrusts begin to stutter, and with one final push, she felt her love empty all that she had inside.

Lexa wanted anything to reach down and kiss her mate, but from this position, it was impossible to do so without Clarke’s dick escaping her grasp. Instead, she opted to kiss her hand before tentatively placing it on Clarke’s lips before she said,

“I missed you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well? What did you guys think?
> 
> In case anybody is wondering, yes there is a story behind why some random grounder is traipsing around as an engineer but who am I kidding that's not what people are going to be thinking about when they finish this chapter. 
> 
> I almost held out on the smut but then I decided I didn't want to be mean. We have quite a bit more story to work through at Floukru so if anyone wants to send me their theories about any of, feel free!
> 
> As always guys, thank you for reading, hit me up with your comments and questions!
> 
> -Biphi


	46. I Need to Hear You Say It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa aren't done fooling around. Then they have a serious conversation over lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! A couple of things before you read this chapter:  
> 1) I cannot believe this story has over 100K hits. I cannot thank you guys enough for being so invested in this story.  
> 2)This chapter begins immediately after last chapter.  
> 3) So just a heads up: The beginning of this chapter does contain smut. If reading anal smut isn't your thing, skip to the next section marked by ###  
> Like any smut in this story, I like to think that it's fun to read while actually having a purpose. I still think that's true, for this smut but if you don't want to read it, you aren't going to be confused without it.  
> 4)This chapter as well as the next couple of chapters are really going to be about their relationship. I know the story has been pretty plot heavy since the start of the hearing, and if you all indulge me, we are going to take some time on the oil rig to collect our breaths, and let our girls take a break before we have them plunge back into the reality of the coalition. 
> 
> Other than that, I hope you guys like the chapter and I will see you in the end notes!

**Lexa**

Before she could bring her hand away, Clarke caught it with her own and turned it over so she could kiss each of Lexa’s knuckles. 

“That was…”

“Amazing.”

Clarke gave her a loving smile, and it warmed every inch of Lexa’s body. Lexa was about to shuffle off of Clarke when an idea popped into her head, one that likely wouldn’t go away until her newfound desire was sated. Her face must have tipped Clarke off that she was up to something because Clarke arched an eyebrow while she waited for an explanation. 

“Clarke?”

“ _Sha, ai niron._ ”

“Remember when you said you would make me feel good?” 

Clarke’s hands began massaging her hips, “I vaguely remember saying something to that effect, yes.” 

Lexa bit into her lower lip, “And you have, really, many times.”

Clarke’s eyebrow remained raised, “Lexa, is there something else you want?”

“There is one thing,” Clarke’s hands on her hips were making it hard to put her thoughts into words. 

Resolved, Lexa took a deep breath before she said, “You know how much I love to be filled by you.”

Clarke’s smile was nothing short of wolfish, “just as you know how much I love to be the one filling you up.” 

Lexa resisted the urge to roll her eyes at Clarke’s cockiness. 

“I want to be filled, again.” 

The prospect was clearly affecting Clarke, who was already rock hard again. She could see Clarke preparing to thrust up once more when Lexa put her hands on Clarke’s chest.

“I appreciate the enthusiasm, but that’s not what I meant.”

Clarke was confused, “Or rather, that’s not _where_ I meant.”

Clarke raised both eyebrows in understanding. Lexa could feel the dick inside of her throb like it had its own heartbeat. 

“What do you have in mind?” 

Lexa narrowed her eyes, “I think you know what I am asking for, Clarke.” 

“I need to hear you say it.”

Lexa didn’t know why she felt shy. It’s not like they hadn’t done anal before. But rarely had they done it outside of their heat/rut cycle. She knew Clarke really enjoyed it. She just wasn’t sure that Clarke knew how much she enjoyed it, too. 

In as quiet a voice she could, Lexa mumbled while looking at the wall above Clarke's head, “I want you to fill my ass, Clarke.” 

Clarke shook her head, “I’m sorry, Lexa, what did you say? You are going to have to be a little louder.” 

Lexa pouted, hoping to wear down Clarke’s resolve. To her frustration, Clarke held firm. At full volume, and looking directly at her mate, Lexa said, “I want you to fill my ass, Clarke.” 

Clarke smiled at her before her pupils dilated. While Clarke was still inside of her, she used her alpha voice, 

“Get on your knees.”

Lexa was dizzy at Clarke’s sudden change in demeanor and newly aroused. 

Slowly, Lexa shuffled off of Clarke and presented herself in the center of the bed. With her elbows digging into the feather-stuffed mattress, Lexa shook with anticipation. Clarke stepped off the bed, but instead of walking around to the foot, she first grabbed a pillow and put it under Lexa’s belly. 

As soon as she was comfortable, she felt Clarke’s hands on her hips, pulling her backward. Lexa spent most of her life barking out orders and constantly trying to display an air of control. The thrill of handing that control to someone else allowed her to relax into herself in a way that the rest of her life couldn’t. Which was why, any time Clarke let her alpha out to play, Lexa would find herself dripping down her thighs. 

Clarke inserted three fingers into her pussy, ensuring they were slick. Slowly, she felt Clarke spread her cheeks, and she felt anticipation travel down her spine. A slick finger danced around the sphincter, once, twice, before going inside about a centimeter. A breath she didn’t know she was holding warmed the fur against her face as she let it out. She felt Clarke push in further until she was inside up to the knuckle. Lexa felt her muscles squeeze around Clarke’s finger, and Clarke used her free right hand to stroke Lexa’s back. Before long, Clarke pulled back until she was empty once again, and Lexa was about to turn and protest until Clarke stuck her pointer and middle fingers inside, stretching her out, and she moaned instead. 

Clarke scissored her fingers, stretching the hole, while bringing her fingers deeper and then shallower, giving her tight sphincter time to adjust. When Clarke added a third finger, Lexa had to resist the urge to hiss before she leaned into the sting until it left her with a burning pleasure that radiated throughout her body. Involuntarily, Lexa felt her entire pelvic floor contract so hard that for a moment, she felt delirious. But only for a second.

As she felt herself open up and relax, Lexa began to feel impatient for the delicious sensations soon to come. But if she expressed her eagerness, Clarke might have removed one of her fingers and slowed down. Lexa knew that her alpha was just taking care of her, preparing her to take her penis safely inside. They had played this game before. Even during rut, Clarke would demand patience until she was convinced Lexa could take her. There was likely some alpha posturing involved if they were both being honest. 

If Lexa wanted to be pleasured this way, she would have to submit to Clarke’s alpha. Knowing that she would be rewarded for allowing Clarke to take care of her, she bit into her lip and let go. After about fifteen minutes, Lexa felt Clarke remove her fingers. The hand on her back earlier pushed her thighs wider apart before going back and collecting more of Lexa’s arousal. 

When she looked in between her legs, Lexa saw Clarke spreading all of her arousal along her penis, and Lexa nearly came then and there. When Clarke realized that Lexa was watching her, she said, in her alpha voice, 

“No peeking.”

Lexa huffed before she complied with Clarke’s command. A husky chuckle echoed from behind her ears, and Lexa was convinced she soaked the furs below her. She began to count the seconds go by as she waited for the telltale pressure against the tight ring of her backside. 

_One…Two…Three…Four…Fi–_

Lexa’s breath hitched as the narrowest part of Clarke’s head flirted with her entrance. Clarke hadn’t pushed forward at all, but their skin was now connected. Lexa hadn’t realized that she was breathing loudly until Clarke’s right hand stroked her back once again. 

In her normal voice, she heard Clarke soothe, “You are doing so well, my love.” 

Lexa moaned at Clarke’s praise. 

Lexa felt Clarke’s right hand migrate to her hip as she guided her backward slowly. She felt two fingers push apart her cheeks before, all at once, Clarke brought herself forward. 

Lexa buried her face in the furs below her as she resisted the urge to flinch away. Clarke’s grip on her body was firm but not ironclad. She knew all it would take for them to stop was one word, and Clarke would have them cleaned up and spooning in no time. Lexa knew that even when Clarke allowed her alpha to take over, she was always still present and ready to take back control. A soft caress of her thigh from Clarke’s right thumb reminded her of that. 

Just when Lexa thought that Clarke was going to push the thick head of her dick inside, she pulled back. While her omega groaned at its loss, Lexa sighed as her body relaxed. A moment later, they started the process again. And again, Clarke pulled back. They did this dance five or six times. Each time, Clarke would inch herself in deeper than the last before pulling back out. 

Finally, Clarke pushed in far enough that the widest part of her head hovered just outside of Lexa’s entrance. Lexa knew Clarke was hesitating because as soon as it popped inside, several inches were likely to follow. So they remained at an impasse, Clarke hovering on a sled atop a snowy hill and Lexa standing right in her path. 

They stayed this way for three more breaths until, all at once, Clarke thrust her hips forward. For a brief second, Lexa felt the painful stretch of accommodating Clarke’s size before it dulled into a pleasant burn. By the time she felt Clarke probing her several inches, Lexa remembered why she enjoyed this quite so much. 

Vaginal sex would likely always be her favorite way to experience Clarke. Their connection almost felt spiritual when they were together that way. Like they were greater as a whole than they were separate. But strangely, that was what made anal sex special; it was just for them and their carnal desires. They did it because it felt good. And boy, did it feel good now. 

The image of her insides having to accommodate Clarke’s size took hold of the remaining functional parts of Lexa’s brain, and she almost melted then and there. Clarke had been thrusting in with shallow strokes that Lexa felt her body tighten around. The feeling was amazing, but Lexa wanted more.

“ _Deeper!_ ”

She heard Clarke growl behind her. Lexa closed her eyes and cursed herself, convinced Clarke would slow down or stop entirely. But to her surprise and elation, Clarke began to probe her deeper until their hips met with each stroke. 

Lexa heard a wail come from somewhere, startling her until she realized that it had come from her mouth. The stretch she felt as Clarke drove into her body made her grip the furs so tightly below her she was sure they would rip. 

A sure hand caressed her skin in between her shoulder blades as Clarke leaned as close to her ear as she could from where she was standing, and she husked,

“You’re taking me so well.”

Lexa didn’t know how to form words anymore, so she just moaned in response. 

“I can’t wait to fill you up this way.” 

Lexa moaned back. 

After a deep thrust that left both of them panting, Clarke growled, 

“Tell me, is that what you want?” 

Once again, Lexa moaned in response. 

“What did I tell you earlier? I need to hear you say it.”

Fresh arousal flooded between Lexa’s legs as soon as she heard the words out of Clarke’s mouth. Her omega wanted more than anything to follow Clarke’s direction, but her sex drunk brain couldn’t tell Clarke her name, never mind any other words. 

The shadow of a powerful orgasm was hitting the shared wall between her vagina and her rectum, and it was making it really hard to focus on anything else. But when Clarke stopped moving entirely, Lexa couldn’t help but turn her head to the side so she could see Clarke’s face. As she let out a whine, she felt Clarke squeeze her hip,

“I mean it, Lex, tell me, what do you want?” 

Eyes half-lidded while the rest of her body was coiled tight in what should have been preorgasm tension, Lexa stared at Clarke. Lexa knew holding steady must have been killing Clarke just as much as it was killing her. 

After taking a breath, Lexa grumbled out, “I want to be filled.” 

Clarke gave her a solitary thrust, “By who?”

Lexa moaned, “By you, always, by you.” 

Another solitary thrust, “where?”

Lexa was so close to reaching her peak that it was almost painful. The best response she could produce at this point was a gasp that vaguely sounded like, “anywhere.”

This time, Clarke stopped moving altogether, “I’m sorry, what did you say? I can’t hear you.”

Lexa cried out, “Everywhere, Clarke, I want your seed everywhere!”

Clarke stroked her lower back again, “Good girl.”

Lexa could feel Clarke’s musk intensify when it hit her skin long before she smelled it. In a deep voice, she heard Clarke say,

“Let me give you what you need.”

Clarke resumed her thrusting, this time, at a punishing pace. After being denied release for what felt like ages, but in reality, was no more than a couple of minutes, Lexa felt her body quake with pleasure. 

When her orgasm ripped through her body, she felt it everywhere. The visceral experience was so raw that she was sure tears were streaming down her face. Just as she thought she couldn’t hold her body up any longer, she felt Clarke empty herself inside with thick, heavy ropes of seed. 

After such a powerful release, neither of them said anything as they caught their breaths. 

Lexa felt the sticky forehead of her alpha resting in between her scapulae. Clarke was holding up her own weight, even if Lexa wished she wouldn’t. She missed feeling Clarke’s weight on top of her body despite her worries about holding herself up only moments before. 

Clarke released a satisfied grumble before pressing doting kisses all along her back. Lexa hummed at the feeling of Clarke being so gentle after what they had just experienced together. She felt gossamer hairs from the crown of Clarke’s head tickle the back of her neck.

“Lex, I’m going to pull out now. And then I want to clean this mess up before we do some proper snuggling.”

###

Lexa woke up in a comfortable haze surrounded by her alpha’s scent. God, she had missed it. She had no idea how much she would miss the way Clarke smelled or waking up in her arms. Clarke was drawing spirals lightly on her back with a finger while she kept her eyes closed. They were both on their sides, Clarke with her arms wrapped around Lexa’s shoulders while Lexa had her face burrowed into Clarke’s neck.

Lexa let out a hum as she tried to stretch from her position in Clarke’s arms. She didn’t get very far before Clarke squeezed her arms tighter so she couldn’t move. Lexa made a grumpy noise to convey her discontent before she felt a kiss on the forehead. When she finally opened her eyes, she found Clarke smiling down at her. She fought the dopey smile creeping up on her own face.

Clarke brought a hand up to stroke her hair, and Lexa purred in approval. Eventually, Clarke let her hand hover on the side of her face, and Lexa leaned into it.

“I’m sorry I fell asleep during snuggle time. Your arms are just so comfy.”

A hand snaked down to find hers, and Clarke brought their entwined hands to her lips.

“Lexa, you’re making a person from scratch. It’s okay if you need to take a nap every once in a while.”

Lexa got lost in her alpha’s eyes. How was it possible for someone’s eyes to be so blue?

“Besides, you are so beautiful when you sleep.”

The heat that reached her cheeks made it hard for her to come up with a witty response to deflect the compliment. A loud knock on the door shook them out of their reverie. Clarke let out a loud growl before wrapping her arms tighter around Lexa’s body. They heard a loud huff outside that could only come from one person.

“Calm down, Clarke. I’m just here to bring you guys some food, seeing as the two of you won’t be leaving that room for a week.”

Clarke opened her mouth to respond, but Octavia continued, “I did not haul ass across the Coalition with your pregnant mate just for her to die of dehydration.” 

Lexa couldn’t hold back a laugh as Clarke growled in response. Something about Octavia’s implication that she wouldn’t take care of her mate riled up the alpha. Lexa put a tentative finger on Clarke’s lips to quiet her. But Clarke licked the side of her long finger before taking it into her mouth. The image, combined with the sensation of Clarke’s tongue gliding over her skin, brought dangerous thoughts to Lexa’s mind. When she was unsuccessful at holding back a moan, Octavia said,

“Okay, well, I’m just going to leave now, seeing as you two are clearly busy. In all seriousness, Clarke, I haven't seen you since you guys were at Arkadia, and it would be nice to catch up. After you guys have gotten whatever this is out of your system.”

Lexa was about to thank Octavia for bringing them food when she heard footsteps scampering away. As soon as they were convinced she left, they erupted in uncontrollable laughter that brought tears to their eyes.

After they had settled down, Lexa leaned her forehead into Clarke’s chest while Clarke rubbed circles in her lower back. Lexa felt herself drifting back to sleep as Clarke’s movements slowly relieved stiff muscles. The last thing she heard was Clarke whisper something along the lines of,

“God, I love you both so much. I just want to take care of you these next few months. And then the rest of our lives.”

###

When Lexa woke up, she reached for Clarke’s body only to realize her alpha wasn’t there. She shot up on her elbows in a panic, convinced that she dreamed the whole reunion. To her immediate relief, she saw Clarke, now dressed in the clothes Luna had given her, carrying one of the two trays brought to them for lunch. Just as she realized that she was wearing a nightgown, Clarke likely put her in, soothing pheromones hit her nostrils, and immediately began working to calm her down. 

As soon as Clarke had the second tray on the desk, she walked back over to Lexa’s side.

“I didn’t go anywhere, I promise. If you thought it would be that easy to get rid of me, you have another thing coming,” Clarke winked. 

Lexa gave a half-hearted chuckle, the joke hitting a little too close to home despite Clarke’s best intentions. Clarke gently wrapped her arms around Lexa's shoulders, helping her up into a full sitting position. It wasn’t that she needed that much help just yet, but she wasn’t about to let Clarke know it. Her omega wanted as little space between them as possible after so much time apart. 

“I see you decided to put clothes back on.”

Clarke put a hand behind her neck, “Well, I didn’t want to scare anybody in the hallway by flashing them when I went to wash up in the bathroom. Plus, I figured it would be easier for us to have a normal conversation over a meal if we were, you know–”

“Clothed?”

Lexa couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow. Clarke responded with a sheepish smile.

“Hey, what can I say? My omega’s gorgeous, and I’m having a hard time keeping my hands off of her.” 

Lexa rolled her eyes despite the blush on her cheeks that spread to the tips of her ears. 

“Anyways, I was just about to wake you to ask if you would like to sit and have a meal with me?”

Sometimes, the alpha standing beside her truly mystified Lexa. She could be so confident and self-assured during sex, but when she asked Lexa if she wanted to share a meal with her, Clarke was nothing but nervous earnestness. Clarke had the same look on her face now as she did when she asked Lexa to dinner all those weeks ago, the night before Nia challenged her in the throne room. Lexa felt like she knew Clarke better than she had ever known anyone and that Clarke knew her in the same way. But that didn’t mean that Clarke still couldn’t surprise her. 

Lexa smiled at her, “I’d love to.”

When Clarke walked over to the desk, she burst into laughter. Lexa raised her eyebrow, wordlessly communicating, _what was so funny?_

Clarke rolled her eyes, even with a smile plastered on her face. She pulled a bowl off of the tray, along with an ivory-colored bar of soap.

“Look what that smart ass brought us in addition to the food.”

Inside the bowl was clear water, and with the soap, the implications were quite clear. 

Lexa gave her a mischievous expression before she shrugged, “I mean, was she wrong?”

Clarke’s lips formed a pout, “No. It’s just the implication that we are so desperate to be in each other’s pants that even the bathroom was too far away.”

Lexa smiled to herself as she picked up the soap and washed her hands. With freshly clean hands and a few loud stomach gurgles, they focused on getting the food into their bellies. 

Unfortunately, Lexa’s quarters had limited options for places that they could sit together comfortably that wasn’t the bed. Clarke offered to sit on the floor so Lexa could sit at her desk, but Lexa didn’t like that idea. They would have been too separated, and it wouldn’t have felt like a shared meal. So, Clarke pulled one of the furs off the bed, and with some slight rearrangement of the furniture, they had what Clarke called a ‘picnic’ on the ground together. 

When Lexa put the seafood stew to her lips, it was warm enough that her second nap must not have been very long. Regardless of the temperature, the broth was delicious, and the chunks of fish were generous. Neither of them spoke for the first ten minutes that they ate. 

Once the bowls and trays were stacked, Clarke closed her eyes before leaning back against the bed frame and sighing. Lexa couldn’t help but wonder if this was the first time in a while that Clarke had been truly full. From her position with her back against the wall and a pillow supporting her lower spine, Lexa reached out a hand to her mate. As soon as their fingers touched, Clarke opened her eyes halfway and gave her a small smile. For the first time in ages, Lexa truly felt like she was home. 

Clarke kissed her hand before she sat up straighter and said,

“Tell me about your journey here and what you’ve been up to while we were apart.”

Lexa tilted her head slightly to the side as she studied her mate. It had only been a couple of hours since they found their way back to each other, but already, there was a glow to Clarke’s skin that wasn’t there before. The food brought color back to her cheeks, and the bags under her eyes were not nearly as violet. Despite all of this, she knew Clarke was asking Lexa to distract her from the dark thoughts burrowing holes through her brain. 

Unwilling to see Clarke in such pain, Lexa shifted her thoughts back to that first week after she left Polis. She told her about waking up in a small bunker to Lincoln and Octavia’s solemn faces. About how it took a stripping down from Octavia for her to go along with their plan. Lexa couldn’t help but notice the pride in Clarke’s eyes at hearing that her blood tied little sister bossed the former Commander of the Thirteen Clans around. 

Even Lexa couldn’t hide her laughter when she told Clarke the part about Octavia bringing back handfuls of bright purple _ulo_ berries after having her lips and teeth stained from consuming a whole bunch. Octavia spent the next twenty-four hours running away from her and Lincoln to pass diarrhea. 

Clarke listened patiently, laughing when things were funny and staring intensely when Lexa got to the part when they had a close call of walking past a troop of _Delphikru gonas_ on their way back home to the mountains. 

“And then, Lincoln set up the signal fire, and a team brought us here. We’ve been here ever since.” 

Lexa knew she would have to find a way to talk about her brother’s relationship with Luna before Athan ran up to her during mealtime. But she worried that when Clarke learned Ezra had a son, it would burden her further about things that were largely beyond her control. 

“And this place, is this all of _Floukru_?”

Lexa sucked in a deep breath, “They have a thin strip of land where a small village is built. But I think it’s largely only used as a place to trade with other clans and send unmated omegas to during heat. That’s where I spent my official visit as Commander once _Floukru_ was inducted into the Coalition. Even then, I knew it must not be the whole clan.” 

Clarke looked up at the bright rectangular light fixture buzzing quietly on the ceiling.

“I have to say I’m really impressed. I had no idea that any of the clans had their own electricity. The hot shower took me by surprise.” 

Lexa shook her head, “I had no idea either until we got here. It’s their closest kept secret, aside from the rig’s location.” 

Lexa furrowed her eyebrows as she shifted uncomfortably. She straightened her back out before relaxing as best she could back into the pillow. As the pup began to kick her in the ribs, Lexa closed her eyes and pressed a hand delicately to the top of her belly, pressing down lightly to get him to move. When the pup knocked it off, Lexa opened her eyes only to realize that Clarke was watching her, both concerned and enraptured. She chuckled,

“Your son was just kicking me in a sensitive spot, but I got him to settle a bit.” 

Clarke moved to get up, “If you are uncomfortable, we can move, or I can help you get back to the chair if that–”

Lexa laughed, “Clarke, I’m pregnant, and in the last trimester, I’m uncomfortable most of the time. But I want to sit here with you.”

Lexa pushed out soothing pheromones as she said, “When I need my alpha’s help, I will let you know.” 

Clarke settled back down and flashed her a sheepish smile that morphed into a smirk.

“ _My_ son?”

Lexa returned the smirk, “Who else’s could he be?”

“I distinctly remember you being there, too.” 

Lexa wiggled her eyebrows as she stroked her hand along her navel, “Trust me, I couldn’t forget being there, even if I wanted to.” 

Lexa could feel her own emotions begin to overwhelm her as Clarke flashed her a loving smile, so she redirected Clarke back,

“So, uh, you were asking about _Floukru’s_ electricity.”

Clarke shook her head, “Right, yes.”

Clarke put her hands together before looking down at the fur they were sitting on. Lexa just waited patiently for Clarke to collect herself until she looked back up.

“I was just wondering if you knew how they were able to do that?”

Lexa raised her eyebrows, “The electricity?”

“Yeah.”

Lexa wasn’t entirely surprised by the question. She couldn’t help her own curiosity when she came to the rig. But like anything else in their lives, the story wasn’t as straightforward or as easy to tell as she would have hoped. 

Lexa looked down at her fingers when she asked, “Do you remember the team that brought you in after you signaled along the water?”

Lexa brought her gaze back to Clarke’s face as she knitted her eyebrows in confusion at the seemingly random question.

“Uh, not really. They were wearing underwater gear that obstructed their faces.”

Clarke looked away, “Well, that’s not entirely true. The leader pulled his hood down when we spoke.”

Lexa sucked in a sharp breath of air when Clarke looked at her again, narrowing her eyes. 

“Lorcan, I think he said his name was. Why do you ask?”

Lexa schooled her features.

“Trust me.”

Clarke unsuccessfully wiped the suspicion off of her face, “Okay, I just don’t see what this has to do with–”

Lexa entwined her fingers together before resting them on the top of her belly as she said, “What was your impression of Lorcan?”

Clarke shifted her gaze upwards as she tried to put her thoughts into words, “I don’t know. He seemed pretty intense.”

Clarke looked back at Lexa, “He felt oddly familiar. Less about how he looked and more about his demeanor, the way he moved.” 

Lexa resisted the urge to gulp. Clarke tilted her head slightly, “What aren’t you telling me?”

Now that Lexa was getting closer to telling Clarke the truth, the pain she associated with him was bleeding through her desire to see Clarke on her back foot. 

Lexa whispered, “Clarke, do you remember what I told you happened to my parents?” 

Clarke must have picked up on her sudden change in mood because soothing pheromones hit her nostrils before Lexa even finished asking the question. Clarke inched away from the bed frame until she was close enough for their knees to be touching as she reached out for Lexa’s hands. 

“You told me that your mother died,” Clarke’s gaze hovered on Lexa’s belly, “while giving birth to you.” 

Lexa gave her a small nod, knowing that Clarke would put two and two together.

“And your sire, you said he ran away. Shortly after she died.”

Lexa stared at Clarke unflinchingly as she waited for Clarke to get to the truth herself. 

Clarke’s eye bugged out of her head as she put one hand over her mouth in a comical display of shock. Eventually, Clarke brought her hand down, but her mouth was still open as if she had forgotten how to close it. 

“Lorcan is my sire.” 

“Oh my god.”

Clarke began shaking her head. Lexa couldn’t help but be amused watching her mate wrap her brain around this new information. 

“Wait, so he’s just been, what, out here this whole time?” 

Lexa nodded. Of course, there was more to it than that, but Lexa figured she would take this information one step at a time. 

Clarke ran a hand through her hair as she looked to the side. When she brought her eyes back, she said,

“That’s why he was studying me so intensely when they found us. I was this mangey looking alpha demanding to speak with Luna while he knew the whole time, I was your mate.”

Lexa couldn’t help but laugh when Clarke put it like that. 

“Oh my god, he was suspicious that I was involved with the omega I was traveling with.” 

Suddenly this story was even funnier than Lexa couldn’t have hoped. She wasn’t worried that Clarke remained faithful, but obviously, Lorcan was. Lexa had a feeling that Clarke would be a ball of nerves when they saw him. 

Clarke was shaking her head, likely imagining a similar scenario when her expression softened,

“How do you feel about this?”

That was the question Lexa dreaded the most. She couldn’t help but think back to the day when she found out his true identity. 

###

A couple of days after she had that breakthrough discussion with Luna in the dining hall, Lexa resumed her morning ritual of having tea on the highest floor of the rig, with only the birds and the solar panels arranged all along the rig for company. The day before, she read _The Very Hungry Caterpillar_ for the first time with Athan. She was looking forward to reading a new book today. 

As Lexa finished her tea, she put the cup down on the rig while she soaked in the sun for a couple of minutes more. When she heard the sound of a door opening behind her, she assumed it was Luna checking in on her. 

But the shadow appeared beside her faster than Luna’s would have if she walked over to her. When Lexa turned around, she saw the large, broad-chested man Luna told her to speak to almost a week before. 

It wasn’t that Lexa had been avoiding the conversation. But after the news about Ezra’s death, she was so beside herself with grief that this man, whom she just met, seemed so far away and unimportant. Watching him now, he approached her delicately, as if he didn’t want to scare her away. Lexa found that amusing, seeing as he was the one to run away from her in the dining hall that first time. 

When his soothing pheromones hit her nose, they had a surprisingly powerful effect, the kind that could only be accomplished by a mate or a close blood relative. Even as she remained relaxed, she flared her nostrils. She hadn’t ever been close enough to scent him properly. He smelled like the air right before a thunderstorm, flint, and _pine_. 

Her instincts told her to take a step away from him but being right against the railing made that difficult. But then he walked around her until she was between him and the door. If that was supposed to be comforting, it wasn’t. 

They were both facing each other, instead of the water in front of them. Lexa narrowed her eyes as she studied him. He seemed to be doing the same, his eyes only pausing when they landed on her neck and her abdomen. Lexa wrapped an arm around her pup protectively. 

His expression remained stoic as he turned his body to face the ocean, putting his hands, palm down on the railing. Lexa studied him for a second longer before mirroring his stance. Stiffly, the man introduced himself, tilting his head down while his eyes remained forward. 

_ “My name is Lorcan.”  _

In _Trigedasleng_ , Lexa responded, _“Luna told me your name. She didn’t say much else.”_

If that was a surprise to him, he didn’t show it. 

_ “I am sorry for how I reacted when I first saw you.”  _

Laughter from somewhere else along the rig punctured the stillness between them. Lexa shifted until she faced him.

_ “I did not take offense. I am just curious why you ran away.” _

He mirrored her stance, so the two of them once again faced each other directly.

_ “The answer is more complicated than it might seem.” _

Lexa crossed her arms, surprised by the reaction he was bringing out of her.

_ “So why are you here, then?” _

He sighed, _“I heard about what happened to Ezra. I am sorry for your loss.”_

Lexa relaxed her arms and softened her face. While most people on the rig had been respectful, particularly after the news had spread about what happened in Polis, most people had been keeping their distance. Giving her room to grieve. His modest offering of sympathy was unexpected. But it didn’t answer her earlier question, and after a lifetime of paranoid secret-keeping, his hedging only heightened her suspicions. 

_ “Did you know him?” _

His violet eyes met hers with profound sadness.

_ “A long time ago.” _

As if she saw him for the first time, Lexa regarded the man in front of her as the truth literally stared her in the face. His face and jaw were structured exactly like Ezra’s. All three of them shared the same nose. Lexa thought back to all of the times Ezra would come home from his rut with his beard grown in from lack of shaving. She always thought it was funny how it grew in red, unlike the blond hair on the top of his head. It wasn’t so funny anymore, though. Even the way he was built was eerily like Ezra, albeit more filled out. 

Lexa gripped the railing with her left hand tightly, _“Who are you, really?”_

His haunted expression remained, _“I think you know the answer to that question, Lexa.”_

_ "I need to hear you say it." _

Lorcan opened his mouth, but no words came out. The image of her sire blurred as tears built up in her eyes. He reached out a hand that she swatted away. 

_ “Don’t touch me.” _

Lorcan took a step backward, _“I’m sorry, I wish we met under better circumstances. But I didn’t want you to feel that you were alone–”_

Lexa felt her anger bubble up and seep into the air around them. She crossed her arms protectively over her chest. 

_ “How could you say that? After leaving us in Polis, alone? After leaving Ezra by himself?” _

Lorcan looked back out at the ocean, _“I know there is nothing I can say that could justify why I left. But I knew that as a nightblood, you would be out of my care, anyway. And your brother,” Lorcan brought his gaze down to the floor._

The smell of shame and despair was all around them. 

_ “When Elia died, all I could see in that city was her ghost. Being there was too painful.” _

_ “Why didn’t you bring Ezra with you?”  _

Lorcan sighed, _“He needed someone capable of taking care of him. When your mother died, all I wanted was to fade away with her.”_

Fresh tears streamed down Lexa’s face, _“Okay, so you needed time to grieve, but why didn’t you ever come back?”_

The large alpha hung his head, _“I had convinced myself that whoever was taking care of him must have been doing a better job than I ever could.”_

Lexa turned her head back to the ocean, shaking her head in disbelief. When she turned back to look at him, she said,

_ “Right. Well, consider this the last time we speak to each other. I don’t want to see you. If I catch you checking up on me or hovering creepily in the hallway, I will not be held responsible for what I do to you. It would have been easier if you had died with my mother.” _

Lexa walked away without picking up her cup and marched back to her quarters. The only thing that convinced her to leave her room was the chance to read to Athan what would be only the second read-through of many of _The Very Hungry Caterpillar._

###

After about a week of avoiding most of the common spaces in the hopes of not running into Lorcan, the shock at seeing a man she never expected to see began to wear off. Their second encounter only happened because Lexa had been looking for Luna when the two of them were discussing an issue with the showers. Lexa was polite, if awkward. Realizing that she likely inherited her reserved nature from the man she was fixing her anger to only made the situation worse. She left the room before getting the chance to talk to Luna. 

The problem was, while the oil rig was impressive, it was only so big. She had to bump into him again, eventually. Seeing as the person she knew the best from _Floukru_ was Luna, and Luna was close with Lorcan, it was inevitable that they kept crossing paths. 

By the sixth time it happened, they developed a tentative rapport. They only spoke of the past when it was necessary to understand something about their current circumstances, such as how a man who grew up in _Trikru_ and then in Polis was repairing solar panels on the south side of the rig. Ezra was off-limits. So was her pup. Although, she had a feeling that Luna had been filling him on most of his curiosities. 

When Clarke tried to cough to bring her attention back, Lexa realized her face must have glazed over. Clarke’s soothing pheromones surrounded them, and Lexa closed her eyes and allowed herself to soak in mate’s love. 

Knowing that her mate had been patient, Lexa opened her eyes and tried to come up with an answer that could convey how she truly felt about the whole situation. 

“It was really hard, at first. Knowing that he has just been out here, all this time.”

Clarke put her hands on Lexa’s shoulders and brought their foreheads together. 

“I just can’t believe he didn’t fight for us, for Ezra.” 

Clarke was running a hand through Lexa’s hair as she brought them together into a hug. 

With her chin resting on Clarke’s shoulder, she said, “I just don’t understand how a person I grew up thinking of more as an idea than an actual person could cause me so much pain.”

Clarke pulled back enough to wipe her tears away. 

Clarke gave her a sad smile, “I can’t speak for everyone, but from my experience, our parents shape us as much by the things they do as the things they choose not to do. I am so sorry you’ve had to deal with this alone. No matter what happens, if you decide to have a relationship with him or not, know that you will always be wanted and loved.”

Lexa responded to Clarke with a watery smile. After Lexa had the chance to take a few shaky breaths, Clarke brought their entwined hands to her lips.

“Have you been able to express any of this to Lorcan?”

Lexa sighed before she looked away, “The first time we talked, I lashed out. And I didn’t want to talk to him again.”

Clarke nodded, “That’s understandable.” 

“But since then, we’ve had a couple of conversations, none about why he left or anything.” 

Clarke nodded, “As someone who had to maintain a relationship with a parent who did something I considered unforgivable, I know that can be hard.” 

Lexa thought about when she watched Clarke speak to her mom and their strained relationship. 

Lexa nodded, embarrassed for having cried so much. She began to apologize, but Clarke swallowed it in a gentle kiss. Lexa got swept up in her alpha’s tenderness, and all too quickly, the kiss was over. Clarke kissed her nose before she said,

“We got ourselves into trouble when we stopped telling each other how we feel. I love you far too much to lose you because I was too afraid to confront my feelings.” 

After a steadying breath, Lexa nodded. Clarke sat back enough until they weren’t breathing the same air before she said,

“Now, I know you said this was all related, but I still don’t see a connection between your father and how this oil rig has power.”

Lexa couldn’t help the belly laugh that erupted from her lips. A mischievous expression crept up on her face as she realized she was about to blow Clarke’s mind all over again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys think? Did anybody suspect that Lorcan was Lexa's father before this? 
> 
> Anyways, like I said in the notes before this chapter, we are going to stay on this rig for a little while, get to know Floukru a little better before we spool this thing up. I hope that sounds appealing to you guys. 
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading, feel free to hit me up in the comments!
> 
> -Biphi


	47. The Things We Didn't Know Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa continue their conversation. Later, they go to dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know it's been longer than usual for one of my updates, I've had a busy couple of days.
> 
> Anyways, not much to say up top here, just that I hope you guys enjoy the chapter!

**Clarke**

Hearing Lexa’s wonderful laugh returned the air to Clarke’s lungs after witnessing her experience so much pain. It was strange. After five weeks of carrying the terrible truth of what she had done, Clarke prepared for the worst. She convinced herself that Lexa would only be able to see her as the monster she was. The monster who almost killed Pike out of rage and successfully killed Titus out of fear. Not only had Lexa already known and begun to process what happened to Ezra, but somehow, she found the grace inside of herself to forgive Clarke. Whether or not Clarke truly deserved such uncompromising love was another question. But gazing at the beautiful woman across from her, Clarke buried that doubt for now.

Despite how she steeled herself for what might have been, Clarke found herself shifting gears. Instead of being the source of Lexa’s distress, Clarke was now comforting her mate due to the acts of someone else who hurt her. This was not how Clarke thought this reunion was going to go. But then again, here she was, sitting on the concrete floor of a heated room on an ancient oil rig in the middle of the ocean. Which brought Clarke's attention back to the almost cat-like grin Lexa had on her face like she was about to play with her food.

Unsure of where this crazy story went from here, she decided the best thing to do was indulge her mate and wait for her to deliver the punchline.

After another moment, Lexa schooled her features and folded her hands in her lap.

“Lorcan was already living here on the rig for two years by himself when he saw a small ship fall from the sky into the ocean. He followed the line of smoke in his rowboat until he reached the remains of the ship, thinking that he could use the scraps of metal to trade.”

Clarke had a feeling she knew where this was going.

“I’m guessing he found a lot more than scrap metal.”

Lexa smirked, “When he finally got close enough, a door pushed open.”

Clarke felt the sweat building on the back of her neck. She extended her fingers after realizing that she was gripping her legs much too hard.

“Who was inside?”

“A woman.”

She swallowed her next intake of breath in her throat. Lexa was staring at her intensely like she was analyzing every muscle working underneath Clarke’s skin. It was almost as unnerving as the first time Lexa stood up and entered into Clarke’s space all those months ago. Back when Clarke braced for the possibility that an alpha was about to challenge her to demonstrate her dominance. 

“She told him that she came from a spaceship that orbited the Earth.”

The idea that someone had survived the trip down to the ground seventeen years ago was almost unbelievable. If she hadn’t seen the lights turn on in the hallway or felt the hot water hit her dirty skin in the shower, she wouldn’t have been able to believe the words she was hearing. Even if they did come from her mate. There were hundreds of ways a pod made out of three-hundred-year-old metal could fall apart before it entered Earth’s atmosphere, let alone landing into the water.

But she was able to see where she was going in what should have been pitch-black hallways, and she had her first hot shower in months. Someone with extensive engineering training must have been responsible for bringing this place to life. And as crazy as the thought was that someone could survive the journey, she knew it was possible because Raven did it. After just nine days, Raven built a pod capable of making it to the ground. If she could do it, maybe someone else could too. But that was all assuming that whoever left the Ark had any plans of actually surviving the journey.

“When people tried to leave the Ark to come back to Earth, we always assumed that even if they survived the landing, the air would still be too toxic to breathe. We used to call it 'suicide by Earth'.” 

Lexa looked at her curiously before she solemnly nodded. 

“Lucky for her, she landed in the water. Despite some injuries, Lorcan was able to bring her back to the rig, and he helped her recover.” 

“What was her name?”

“Miranda Jaha”

Clarke’s breath got caught in her throat. Her eyebrows shot up so fast that they got lost in her hairline. _Miranda Jaha?_ Wells’ mom? Clarke always knew that she was an engineer, like Thelonious before he became a politician, but other than that, Clarke was told that she died in an accident on the Ark when she and Wells were practically newborn pups. Never in her wildest dreams did she ever suspect that Wells’ mom was the kind of person to try to leave the Ark. 

“Is she still alive?”

Lexa’s lips pulled down into a frown, “No, she died from an infection about ten years after she landed.” 

“Oh.” 

Clarke couldn’t help but be disappointed. It wasn’t like she knew Miranda. But the prospect of having a part of Wells back had her excited, even if short-lived. 

“So let me get this straight. Your father,” Lexa flinched when Clarke referred to Lorcan that way.

“Sorry, Lorcan, ran away from Polis and lived on this rig for two years, by himself.”

Lexa nodded

“A ship crashed nearby containing a woman from the Ark who not only survived the landing but lived long enough for Lorcan to find her, take care of her, and together they, what, pimped this place out?”

Lexa nodded until the last part of her question, so Clarke rephrased, “brought power to this place?”

Lexa’s eyebrows raised in understanding, “That’s pretty much what happened.” 

“Huh.”

The irony of finding an oil rig, one of the primary sources of the destruction of the planet, powered by solar panels wasn’t lost on Clarke. But it did raise another question.

“Where did they get the materials for the solar panels?”

“From what Lorcan told me, there is a whole field of them in the dead zone. The two of them made several trips harvesting the best ones at first, before slowly inventorying the ones that could still be salvaged and repaired.”

Clarke nodded before she looked down at a patch of clotted fur on the pelt they were sitting on. It must have gotten wet somehow. She hoped it was soup and not something else from earlier. 

Clarke brought her left hand to her right arm as she tentatively looked back up at Lexa. 

“I know you have more questions, Clarke. They won’t upset me, I promise.”

Clarke sighed, hoping that her small smile looked less sheepish than she felt. 

“If Miranda and Lorcan were able to bring power to this place, establish it more as a home, why is Luna the one leading _Floukru_?”

Lexa tilted her head slightly and didn’t respond to her question right away. Before Clarke could rephrase her question, Lexa brought her gaze upwards and made a sound by hitting the roof of her mouth with her tongue. 

“While Lorcan and Miranda were here first, they didn’t want to bring attention to themselves or potentially risk losing their home to invaders. So they spent their time on the rig alone.”

When Lexa shifted her gaze back to Clarke at the word ‘alone’, something about the way she was looking at her made Clarke swallow the next question she had back into her mouth. But Lexa shook her head anyway.

“I don’t know. To be honest, I’ve never asked him. His mate died in a horrible, tragic way. Of all of the things he has done and the choices he has made, if their relationship was ever more than platonic, I wouldn’t fault him for it.” 

Clarke nodded. While Lorcan’s mate had died, Miranda’s was still alive, back on the Ark, all that time. It’s not like she would have ever seen him again, but Clarke couldn’t help but feel like she was missing a piece of this story. A perspective she likely wouldn’t get to hear. More than anything, she couldn’t help but ache for the boy who never had his mom. Thelonious could shove it as far as Clarke was concerned, though. 

“I’m guessing their time together is how he learned so much about technology.”

“From what he’s told me, he spent the first four years with her feeling like a blubbering idiot. But eventually, as he learned more, he got quite good. He teaches others from _Floukru_ interested in learning what he knows.” 

Clarke shook her head and chuckled softly. Lexa smirked before she said, 

“What’s so funny?”

“Of all of the crazy things that we could end up having in common, who would have thought that both of us would have engineers for fathers?”

Lexa shook her head as she rolled her eyes. But Clarke scrunched her nose in response until Lexa’s pout devolved into a giggle. Before too long, Lexa reached out a hand for Clarke to thread their fingers together.

The two of them sat together on the ground for a couple more minutes, knowing that their catching up was far from over. But Clarke could tell that Lexa was getting increasingly uncomfortable on the floor, so she insisted they take their conversation back to the bed. 

Clarke got up on her feet quickly before she offered a hand out to help Lexa back up off the floor. The fingers of Clarke’s other hand twitched as she watched Lexa grunt when she tried to put her feet underneath herself. Clarke put her free hand under Lexa’s shoulder as she helped Lexa back on to her feet. 

By the time they were both standing, they had their arms wrapped around each other, and Clarke had her face nuzzled into Lexa’s beautiful hair. Somehow, pregnancy had only made Lexa’s hair thicker and curlier, and it resembled a mane more than ever before. As they swayed back forth in their embrace, Clarke whispered into Lexa’s hair,

“I’ve got you, Mamma.” 

Clarke was a little worried the term of endearment would make her mate uncomfortable or that she would be rolling her eyes as she leaned her chin on Clarke’s shoulder. When Clarke felt Lexa disentangling her limbs, she braced for the scolding she was about to receive. Instead, Lexa brought Clarke's hands down to her belly while bringing their foreheads together. 

Tentatively, Clarke brought her gaze back up. Lexa’s eyelashes fluttered, which only made Clarke’s stomach erupt in butterflies. Her mate’s eyes remained half-lidded and sultry. But the best part was that they were trained only on Clarke. All around them, Clarke felt Lexa’s pheromones projecting love so vast that Clarke couldn’t help but purr so deeply that she swore her sternum was visibly vibrating.

Clarke could have stayed in that moment for the rest of her life and died a happy woman. But Lexa had other plans. She led Clarke by the hand to the bed. Before too long, conversations turned into gentle touches which turned into light kisses that only got deeper until eventually, Clarke ended up inside of her mate, drawing screams out of Lexa for another couple of hours. 

###

The sky was a brilliant shade of orange when they decided it was time to come up for air and see other people. Clarke knew that she could have asked to stay in their bedroom for days, and Lexa likely would have agreed. But the more they spoke about the rig and the people who lived on it, the greater Clarke’s curiosity about the place.

Clarke was sliding her pants back up to her waist when she heard Lexa say behind her,

“Before we go out there to have dinner with everyone, there’s somebody you should prepare yourself to see.”

Once Clarke buttoned her pants, she turned around,

“Someone I know?”

Lexa was pulling a woolen shirt over her head when she responded.

“You’ve never met him before, no.”

“So why not just introduce me when we get to the dining hall?”

Lexa hummed as she loosely tied up her pants. As Clarke pulled her shirt over her head, she felt Lexa’s hands on her shoulders. Studying her mate's face, Lexa's eyebrows were knit with concern, and her lips pulled back as if she had news she knew would upset Clarke. The expression left Clarke unsettled. Long fingers threaded through her hair and tucked it behind her ear.

Lexa sighed, “Luna and Ezra were together.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows, “Romantically?”

Lexa nodded.

“Did you know?”

“I had my suspicions, but I didn’t know for sure until she and I talked about it a few weeks ago.”

Clarke looked down at the ground. Lexa put a hand underneath her chin.

“Hey, I didn’t tell you that to make you feel worse about the position you were in. I cannot speak for Luna, but of all people, she knows the lengths the Order will go to get what they want. I think she would be the first to tell you that her grief is not directed at you.”

Clarke brought her eyes back up to Lexa’s and couldn’t help the sob that escaped from her throat. When soothing pheromones wrapped around her like a blanket, Clarke felt her heart rate slow and the tension deep in her bones quiver before grudgingly release.

“I’m telling you because you are likely going to see a little boy run up to me as soon as we reach the dining hall. I don’t want to overwhelm you in front of all of those people.”

Clarke’s eyes bugged at the implications of Lexa’s words.

“Ezra had a son?”

Lexa nodded, a smile breaking out on her face, “his name is Athan. He’s three years old.”

Lexa must have read the question on her face, “I didn’t know about him. Neither did Ezra. Luna decided in the past to keep it a secret, and none of us can change that. All we can do is salvage what we have left and look toward the future.”

Emotionally exhausted and starving, Clarke gave her a nod before bringing Lexa in for a hug.

###

When the two of them had finally finished getting dressed, Lexa led Clarke to the dining hall. After spending so much time hiding their relationship from others, it was amazing walking hand in hand in front of other people. Being able to just be themselves in public was a breath of fresh air they didn’t know they needed. 

The dining hall was a large, open room with warm yellow lights that hung from the ceiling. Nets and driftwood decorated the walls, while fish bones and sea glass formed ghoulish mobiles hung throughout the room. Tables of various shapes and sizes were all around the space. There were chairs made of wood, metal ones with cherry red leather covering the seats, and everything in between, all haphazardly being used or tucked into tables. Clarke estimated she saw about one hundred people sitting down. 

A long table near the farthest wall from the entrance housed trays, heels of bread, bowls, and delicious smelling stew in the largest pot Clarke had ever seen. The conversations being had around them appeared lively, with people smiling and laughing and drinking what undoubtedly had to be alcoholic. At least until they all noticed the two of them walk into the room. 

While some continued their conversations, most people had quieted down or whispered to their neighbor with their eyes still focused on Clarke and Lexa. Clarke hoped that with time she’d get used to people staring at her. Whether they watched her because they figured out that she was from _Skaikru,_ the (former) Commander’s mate, or _Wanheda_ herself, it was impossible to tell, but it always made her feel caged in. 

The door behind them opened, and hairs on Clarke’s neck prickled at the presence of the person who just walked in the dining hall after them. Clarke turned around to find Lorcan’s imposing figure looking down at her. More specifically, looking down at her hand entwined with Lexa’s. 

Unease morphed into something more primal as Clarke felt her alpha puff up at being challenged. Clarke put her hand in front of Lexa’s belly as she stepped partly in front of her. In the back of her mind, she realized that Lexa probably wouldn’t like this kind of alpha posturing, but something about the way Lorcan’s nostrils flared brought out her need to flash her claim in front of him. She knew why he was looking at her that way. He might not have raised Lexa, but he could try to protect her now. Unfortunately for him, it was a little late for that. 

From somewhere within the dining hall, a small set of feet were hurtling towards them, and Clarke turned around just in time to see a little boy with a mop of curly dark brown hair wrap his arms around Lexa’s legs. 

All three adults now had their attention drawn down to the pup. Athan pulled back enough that Clarke could get a better look at his face. Her mother once told her that one of the strangest parts of being an adult was watching the people around you grow up and have children of their own, to see the eyes of someone familiar reflected in that of a stranger. If Clarke ever had any doubt that this pup was Ezra’s, she certainly didn’t now. His lips formed a pout as he said, 

“No story today.”

Lexa did her best to pry him off of her legs so she could squat down to his eye level. 

“You are right, no story today,” Lexa put a hand on his cheek.

“But we can read more _The Rainbow Fish_ if you want tomorrow,” Lexa offered.

Athan’s adorable face broke out into a smile as he nodded eagerly. 

As soon as he got what he wanted, Athan looked around until he saw the other two people with Lexa. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked back at Lexa,

“Who is with _komfona_?” (grandfather)

Lorcan stiffened as if the idea that he and Clarke were in the same place by choice. Clarke divided her attention between the three of them until Lexa looked up at her from where she was squatting. 

“ _Bilaik ai houmon_.” (That is my mate)

Athan had his mouth open as he looked between the two of them.

“She is yours?”

Lexa chuckled as she gazed up at Clarke, “As much as I am hers.” 

Clarke couldn’t help but beam at her mate, projecting a sense of love and protection for all to see and smell around them, including Lorcan. To his credit, he didn’t respond by releasing his own pheromones. Instead, he chose to silently watch the scene removed from it all. Clarke felt so wrapped up in the sight of Lexa interacting with the pup that she didn’t notice someone approaching them from the dais until the smell of sandalwood, cedar, and figs drew her attention upwards. 

After a deep breath, Clarke realized that Luna’s heat was likely closer than her initial estimate. Two days out at the most. Luna gave her a nod before placing a hand on Lexa’s shoulder, urging her up. She whispered loud enough for Clarke to hear,

“Why don’t we finish this conversation somewhere that isn’t right in front of the door.”

Translation: _Let’s not talk about this in front of the entire clan._

Luna picked up Athan, who kept his eyes on Clarke the entire time his mother had him in her arms. After she brought him to his chair near the other children, she led the three of them to the back of the room to grab bowls of fresh stew and cups of warm mead. Lexa accepted a non-alcoholic red drink that she insisted Clarke would have to try when they got to their table. 

With a freshly piled tray in hand, Clarke turned around to see Octavia, Lincoln, and a clean Murphy sitting at a round, wooden table. Octavia was waving her over when Lexa put a hand on her shoulder,

“We will be expected to sit with Luna on the dais as honored guests.” 

Clarke opened her mouth to say something about wanting to catch up with her friends when Lexa continued,

“There will be time to catch up with them, but we need to get to our places before Luna starts the prayer.” 

Unsure of what that meant but unwilling to make an even larger scene, Clarke nodded before following Lexa to the dais. Lexa placed her tray down at the spot directly to Luna’s right. Lorcan was sitting to Luna’s left, making Clarke’s decision to sit on Lexa’s right an easy one. An elderly gentleman sat on Clarke’s other side. She opened her mouth to introduce herself when Lexa pulled on her sleeve to draw her attention back. 

Luna was standing up with her hands behind her back. She did not attempt to quiet down the room. Clarke was about to ask Lexa what Luna was waiting for when Lorcan started stomping his feet. A person Clarke didn’t recognize on Lorcan’s left joined in. When Lexa began stomping her feet, Clarke followed her lead. 

Before too long, the room was practically shaking as everyone joined in. Clarke wondered how long this was supposed to go on until Luna raised a hand, and everyone immediately stopped. The abrupt change from room-shaking stomping to complete silence was jarring. Luna held her hands outward.

“ _Gon wamplei, Ai giv ai op gon nemiyon kom lanik-de.”_ (In death, I give myself to the miracle of the sea)

This began a call and response where Luna would say a phrase, and the people would repeat it. 

“ _Gon wamplei, hofli yu na lok op chit bilaik yu nou don lok up gon yu sonraun.”_ (In death, may you find what you couldn't in life.)

_“Wichen gon nemiyon kom lanik-de.”_ (Devoted to the miracle of the sea.)

_“Teik dison sheid yu klin kom friznes.”_ (Let this shelter you from the cold.)

_“Wichen gon nemiyon kom lanik-de.”_ (Devoted to the miracle of the sea.)

_“Nau en feva.”_ (Now and forever.)

As soon as Luna finished the prayer, she clapped her hands once before she said, 

“Now that we have thanked the sea for providing us this delicious meal, I want to welcome our newest guests,” Luna moved her right hand in Clarke’s direction.

“ _Klark kom Skaikru_ , also known as _Wanheda_ , Mountain Slayer, and _Leksa kom Trikru’s houmon_.”

There were murmurs throughout the hall as suspicions got confirmed. If Clarke didn’t feel like a zoo animal before, she certainly did now. 

“She brought with her a trusted friend,” Luna pointed in Murphy’s direction, “Murphy _kom Skaikru_.” 

“I ask that all of you treat them like you would one of our own while they stay with us.”

Luna looked all around the room at her people once more before she clapped a final time, 

“With those introductions, I ask that you enjoy your meals and be merry.”

Luna sat down, and the sounds of spoons against bowls rang throughout the hall. Just like mid-meal, dinner was delicious. The bread steamed when Clarke ripped a piece off of the heel. As soon as she dunked it into the broth, she placed it into her mouth and nearly cried. It tasted so good. Her mother might have chastised her for being sloppy while she was being observed on the dais, but the food was so good that Clarke didn’t care. 

The mead was stronger than Clarke expected, but its sweet hints of orange mixed with spices she couldn’t place made it hard not to gulp. She was pretty sure the man next to her introduced himself as Muji, originally from _Sankru_ , but after she finished her second cup of mead, she couldn’t entirely be trusted to remember new names. 

As the night went on, the hall relaxed, and people began to mingle with those sitting at other tables. After an hour or so, about a third of the tables were either collapsed or moved to make space for dancing. A band playing instruments Clarke didn’t recognize set the beat. 

The children were the first to get up and dance, and Clarke’s heart grew three sizes when she heard Lexa’s laughter at her nephew spinning on the floor. Clarke threaded their hands together before rubbing the back of Lexa’s hand with her thumb. 

When Clarke heard Octavia’s laughter, she followed the sound back to her friends’ table. Lexa squeezed her shoulder,

“Go say hi to your friends.”

Clarke turned back to her mate, “Are you sure? I am fine sitting here with–”

“Clarke, _go_.”

When Clarke stood up, she did her best not to wobble, the effects of the mead taking hold more than she would have thought. She heard Luna say to Lexa,

“It looks like your mate had a little too much mead!”

Clarke did her best to sound intimidating when she growled, but it came out more like an irritated grumble that strengthened Luna’s case further. 

Lexa had a hand on her mouth, desperately trying to hold back laughter. When she was unsuccessful, Clarke feigned,

“My mate has betrayed me,” which only caused the two of them to burst into louder cackles at Clarke’s expense. 

Clarke used that as her cue to make her way over to her friends’ table. Her first step down from the dais was a little uncertain, but once she was properly on the ground, she shuffled over to Octavia.

Octavia was standing with her arms open wide, prepared to accept Clarke in her arms. When Clarke spun her several times, Octavia yelped.

“Put me down, Clarke!”

Clarke shook her head, “I missed you so much, O.”

Octavia made a dramatic show of smelling Clarke’s breath.

“I see someone found the mead.”

Clarke brought Octavia lightly back to her feet.

“That stuff is strong.”

Octavia laughed, “You’re not kidding. The first night I was here, Lincoln had to carry me back to our room.”

When Lincoln heard his name, he got up from his chair and wrapped Clarke in a huge bear hug. While she still wrapped in his arms, Clarke whispered,

“I want to thank you for everything that you did to keep Lexa safe.”

Clarke pulled back enough so that Octavia could hear, “I owe you both my eternal gratitude.”

Octavia raised an eyebrow, “Your words are always so flowery when you’re drunk, Clarke.”

“I wouldn’t be saying it if it wasn’t the truth.”

Before things got too emotional, Murphy called out from his seat, “Hey, what about everything I did? We wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me.”

“Speaking of someone who could use some mead,” Octavia muttered under her breath.

Clarke was about to open her big mouth and explain why Murphy drinking mead was a terrible idea when at the last second, she realized that might be something he wanted to tell people himself. Before Octavia could notice her minor panic, she walked closer to Murphy and sat in the empty chair next to him. Lincoln pulled Octavia by the hand to the makeshift dancefloor. Clarke watched the two of them dance in sync for a couple of moments before bringing her attention back to Murphy.

Murphy was wearing new clothes and thankfully a shower. For the first time in weeks, his skin looked like it had some color, bringing Clarke relief. But that didn’t entirely make up for the puddle of anger pheromones surrounding him.

“How have you been since this morning?”

Murphy raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, “you mean since you left me in that metal box alone?”

Clarke’s jaw popped open, but no words came out. On top of the alcohol, everything that happened that day before she saw Lexa seemed hazy and far away. Murphy looked straight ahead,

“You have nothing to say? Why am I not surprised?”

Finally, Clarke found her words, “I’m sorry, John, I didn’t realize when I left with them that the guards would leave you in there.”

Murphy shook his head, “Just forget it. It’s over.”

The functioning part of Clarke’s brain guessed that was far from the truth. But Murphy’s expression did soften as he turned back to her,

“Whatever you said to Luna must have worked because the guards came back to get me not too long afterward.”

“I asked Luna to make sure you were taken care of.”

Murphy looked up momentarily before returning his gaze to her, “They have, for the most part.”

He looked down at his hands, “I forgot what it was like to be this clean.”

Clarke’s face broke out into a smile, “You’re telling me.”

Clarke put a hand on his shoulder, “I won’t forget what you did to help me get here, John. You are right. I’m not sure I would have made it here at all if it wasn’t for you.”

“Just so long as you don’t forget that.”

“I won’t.”

Murphy gave her a tight nod, “Good. In that case, have a drink for me.”

Clarke gave him an exasperated look, “I’ve already had more than I should’ve.”

Murphy pushed a full cup of mead someone must have gotten for him in front of her.

“Knowing you, that probably means you still haven’t had enough.”

Clarke sighed before she looked at her friend, then the cup. Shaking her head, Clarke hoped Lexa would let her sleep in the bed tonight as she brought the rim to her lips. The room started spinning about a cup and a half later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys think of that reveal? I know a couple of you hoped it would be Jake but the timing of that would've been off. Also, I'm sure Wells' mom has a real name and maybe a back story in the books. I'm here to tell you that this is completely unrelated. How much we will actually hear about her story is still up in the air. 
> 
> Also, I know we still haven't gotten the full history of how Lorcan met Luna, and how Floukru happened. I promise that is coming, but I wanted to save that for them to explain in their own words. 
> 
> Any thoughts about Lorcan, Lexa and Athan all in the same space? I hope we get to see more of that before we dive back into the central plot of this story.
> 
> As always guys, thank you so much for reading, please, don't hesitate to share your thoughts, really it means the world to me when you do. 
> 
> -Biphi


End file.
